Wrestling’s Living Legend Bruno Sammartino (WF023)

WRESTLING’S LIVING LEGEND: BRUNO SAMMARTINO (WF023)

What can you say about Bruno Sammartino that hasn’t already been said? He carried the WWWF on his back for the better part of 20 years as wrestling shifted from reality to sports entertainment. From 1963 to his first retirement in 1980, Bruno was synonymous with the WWF. Then when he came back in 1985 to help his son, he competed again on and off for 2 more years before having a falling out with Vince McMahon. Of course, that’s a story for another day. This was 1986 and Bruno was still in Vince’s good graces. With personality profile tapes on Hulk Hogan (HULKAMANIA 1) Roddy Piper (ROWDY RODDY PIPER’S GREATEST HITS), ANDRE THE GIANT, and even Captain Lou Albano (THE LIFE AND TIMES OF CAPTAIN LOU ALBANO), it was time for Bruno to get his fair share. Unfortunately most of Bruno’s best work in the 60’s and early 70’s has been lost to time. But is there enough of his second and third runs to make this tape watchable? Let’s find out. Cue the 1985 Coliseum Video intro and “Mean” Gene Okerlund greets us. He says he won’t be the only host, he brings in Bruno Sammartino himself to guest host. Gene runs down the action before sending us to our first match.

 
Match 1

Nikolai Volkoff vs Bruno Sammartino (with Arnold Skaaland) for the WWWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentator Vince McMahon

 

October 25, 1976 (Mean Gene incorrectly says 1975) in Madison Square Garden saw Nikolai gun for the title. Nikolai had just turned 29 years old at the time and Bruno had just turned 41, both of their birthdays were in October. Bruno is in the navy blue trunks and Nikolai in the standard black. Bruno and Nikolai start with a test of mercy as Bruno in the voiceover says he didn’t come to wrestle, he came to annihilate him. Bruno wins the test of the strength with a boot to the mid-section. Volkoff charges but Bruno arm ringers him down. Volkoff gets to his feet but Bruno turns it into a headlock. They charge into each other with Volkoff dropping the champion twice. A third charge is met with an arm drag by Bruno. Bruno goes for the riding pin but Volkoff bridges. Once again we go to a test of strength and this time its Nikolai who goes for the riding pin. Bruno gets to his feet and Volkoff puts the boots to him. Oh no it’s the blatant choke! Volkoff poses for the irate crowd before kicking away. Bruno gets up and now we get the fisticuffs. Left, right, boot, turnbuckle smash. Right, right, right, left, right left right, down goes Volkoff. Bruno covers for 1…no, foot on the rppe. The ref gives Volkoff a standing eight count for some reason before we TAPE EDIT. Bruno synches in a headlock but a bull rush drops both men. A big right hand stuns Volkoff and the cover gets 1…2..nope. Vince says Volkoff could be running out of gas as Bruno rams his head into the mat twice. The ref gives Volkoff another standing eight count but Bruno stomps away to break the count twice. A third kick sends Bruno to the apron where Bruno stands on him until kicking him to the floor. The ref admonishes Bruno and Sammartino refuses to take the count-out victory. Back inside Bruno rallies with a series of right jabs and hooks, plus a big kick to the head. Volkoff staggers around the ring and raises his arm in victory. The ref quickly tells him no. A big headbutt to the mid-section drops the champion and Volkoff gets in a big stomp to the ribs. The cover gets a deuce and we TAPE EDIT again. Bruno whips Nikolai into the corner and rolls him up for 1….2….3 and Bruno wins it. The fans go nuts as Arnold Skaaland gets in the ring to raise Bruno’s arm in victory. We go to the replay before we cut there. Typical Bruno match. A lot of brawling mixed in with a few holds, but then again that was Nikolai’s style as well. Usually that doesn’t translate well and the crowd didn’t appear to be into it…but then again that could just be sound mixing which WWE is notorious for now. Not the most exciting of contests but let’s move on.
Time of match: An unofficial 8:15 (officially 19:11)

Winner: Bruno Sammartino by pinfall (still WWF Champion)
No nonsense, onto the next one.
Match 2

Baron Von Raschke (with Classy Freddie Blassie) vs Bruno Sammartino (with Arnold Skaaland) for the WWWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentator: Vince McMahon

 

Now here’s a treat, Baron Von Raschke in a WWF ring. For you youngsters, Baron was a mainstay in the AWA on and off for 20 years. He was a state wrestling champion in high school, Big Eight champion in college, the AAU Greco-Roman AND freestyle wrestling champion and was on the 1964 olympic wrestling team but didn’t place. He then turned into Baron Von Raschke, an evil German (he’s from Nebraska) who had a gangly body and shaved head. His trademark catch phrase was “and that is all the people need to know!” and his finisher was the claw. This match was from March 28, 1977 one month before he would drop the title to Superstar Billy Graham. Age and injuries caught up with the 41 year old champion and this would be one of his last big title defenses. Baron is in his standard gear of long black trunks with red stripe with Bruno in the green. Baron doesn’t wait for the bell, attacking Bruno in the corner. Baron wraps up Bruno with his robe and pounds away on him. Baron stomps away as Bruno in the voiceover brings up Raschke’s amateur background and he caught him off guard with brutal brawling as he expected scientific wrestling. Baron slugs away in the corner, whips him and hiptosses Bruno. An elbow drop and cover gets a 1 count as the ref was out of position. Rashcke gives the sign for the claw but Bruno kicks him in the ribs and floors him with an uppercut. A big uppercut has the crowd roaring and charges with the big knee in the corner. Bruno unloads with lefts and rights in the corner and sends him down with a big knee. The crowd is much more into this than they were with Nikloai shown earlier. Raschke bails to the apron before he gets back in. A whip of Bruno is met with a scoop slam by Baron. The cover gets a nearfall and he gives the sign for the claw again. They exchange brawling tactics before Bruno whips Baron into the corner. A whip off the rope is met with a backdrop and the cover gets a deuce. Two arm drags have Baron bailing to the outside as we TAPE EDIT to what looks to be 10 seconds later. Baron gestures toward Skaaland and to the irate crowd as the NY police backs the crowd up. Back inside Baron begs off but Bruno comes back with boots and uppercut. Bruno pounds away on Baron then delivers a running boot that has Baron in the Andre spot. Bruno kicks away as the ref releases Raschke. Finally Baron gets some offense with a headlocked punch as he stalks Bruno around the ring. Forearms drop the champion and Baron applies a nerve hold. We get another TAPE EDIT that looks to be 10 seconds later as Bruno begins the comeback. A right hand breaks the hold as Bruno favors the left shoulder. Baron continues to stalk Bruno but he evades him with a series of boots and a hiptoss. Bruno covers but the ref is out of position, near fall. Bruno charges but Raschke scoop slams him. Baron misses the big elbow and a shoulderblock by Bruno drops them both. Bruno shoots the half and gets 1…2…nope, Baron kicked out. Baron begins to slowly puts the boots to Bruno and covers for 1….2.nope. Bruno goes back with punches and knees to the head as some fan in the crowd shouts for Bruno. Bruno goes to the fisticuffs that drop Rashcke and Bruno covers….foot on the rope. Another TAPE EDIT has Bruno kicking Raschke around the ring. Another uppercut sends Raschke over the top rope to the floor. Bruno goes out to get him but Raschke sends Bruno in, getting his foot caught in the rope. Raschke grabs a plastic chair and slides into the ring. Baron waffles Bruno with it. Someone pelts the ring with garbage as Baron continues to kick away at the champion. The ref finally calls for the bell as the crowd starts getting unruly. Baron applies the dreaded claw but Tony Garea, Larry Zybysko and someone else hit the ring to pry Raschke off. Meanwhile the referee and Arnold Skaaland try to free Bruno. Having three guys to pry Baron off is good for heel heat. The announcer says Bruno has won by DQ as a sign in the crowd says “Bruno is Uno”. We cut here. Another match that turned into a brawl. Lou Thesz once said Bruno couldn’t wrestle, all he could do is brawl. Sounds a lot like Hacksaw Jim Duggan to be honest. Sure both he and Bruno COULD wrestle, but it was better for their character that they didn’t. Then again Bruno never played a character. Back then, Bruno got away with it because fans paid to see realism and that’s what they got. My grandfather used to scoff when I had wrestling on as a kid and Lex Luger would pop up after getting beat on for 5 minutes like nothing happened. Bruno would make the big comeback but would be winded or favoring a body part. The art of selling got lost in the 90’s and its even worse now. In terms of match quality, the crowd was into it but not his best work. I can forgive it only because Bruno was physically weak after carrying the company for the past 12 years. Think Hogan in 1992 or Austin by 2002 (although in his case, 4 years). Bruno would drop the title a little more than a month later.

 

Time of match: An unofficial 8:12 ( officaly 17:45)

Winner: Bruno Sammartino by DQ (still WWWF Champion)
Moving right along to the next match
Match 3

Bruno Sammartino (with Arnold Skaaland) vs Ken Patera

Commentator: Vince McMahon

 

After Bruno dropped the title to Billy Graham in Baltimore, Bruno shifted to Ken Patera the Olympic strongman. August 29, 1977 in Madison Square Garden saw the two legitimate strongmen go at it. We’re joined in progress as Patera is in the gray singlet and Bruno the green trunks. Bruno has a rear chinlock on as Bruno in the voiceover says he trained for the match by power lifting to match strength. Bruno says its one of the greatest bouts he ever had. Bruno stomps away at Patera flails and begs around as Bruno challenges him to come on. Bruno goes to the fisticuffs in the corner as Patera looks dazed. The ref gives Patera the standing eight count but Ken recovers with a series of boots to the head. Patera “Get up boyyyyy!” The crowd boos as Bruno does, in fact, get up. Bruno is whipped to the buckle as Patera scoop slams him. Patera drops an elbow but misses the second attempt. Patera clutches his right elbow but knees Bruno in the head. Once again we get fisticuffs as a shoulderblock drops both men as the bell inadvertently rings. Vince on commentary doesn’t mention it but the crowd is totally confused. Meanwhile Patera continues the onslaught with forearms to the neck. Patera misses the mark as Bruno rams his head into the mat. Bruno dazes Ken with a knee to the forehead and follows with a scoop slam. Bruno covers for 1…2…nope. A big right hand staggers Ken and an atomic drop sends Ken through the ropes to the apron. The referee gives Patera the standing eight count but Bruno stops the count with repeated kicks. Ken falls like a tree as Bruno backdrops Ken. Vince says victory appears imminent for Bruno but the cover only gets two. Patera rolls to the apron and babyface Sammartino lets him lie there. Patera slides back in and Bruno greets him with an uppercut. Patera returns the greeting with a low blow. Vince “Patera reaching for the abdominals”, bullshit Vince. Patera wobbles to the corner where he drops second rope boots to the back. Patera really sells being dizzy and we get a blatant choke! What a heel! Ken whips Bruno off and scoop slams him. Patera poses for the irate crowd and says “Wooooooo:” Patera covers Bruno but only gets a two. They brawl for a bit before Bruno slugs him into the corner. More fisticuffs end with a whip to the other corner. Patera bails to the apron and applies a full nelson from the outside. He follows Bruno back in the ring and Bruno goes for the “momentum rams Patera” spot but Patera stops and reapplies the full nelson. Bruno kicks off the buckle and it turns into a german suplex pin. The ref counts 1….2..Bruno gets the shoulder up…3…and there’s your winner. Ken thinks he’s won it as the crowd knows the truth. The ref raises Bruno’s arm in victory as Patera can’t believe it. Fink gets in the ring with a really bad comb-over and even worse 70’s tux and announces Bruno the winner. Another bad match and actually, I’m starting to believe what Ole Anderson said in his shoot interview. He said that Bruno was limited as a wrestler and the only reason he lasted so long at the top was that he wrestled the big cards every few months so fans didn’t see him often. That’s actually a great point because by the mid 90’s when guys were on once or twice a week, fans saw them more often and would point out every flaw they could. Great Khali was roasted over the coals for his “work” but that’s because fans saw him once or twice a week instead of every 3 or 4 months.
Time of match: 12:13

Winner: Bruno Sammartino by pinfall
We keep rolling to one of the most infamous feuds of the 70’s.
Match 4

Killer Kowalski vs Bruno Sammartino for the WWWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentator: Vince McMahon

 

Back to April 29, 1974 in Madison Square Garden for this epic encounter between the legendary Kowalski and Bruno. I’ll give a disclaimer before the match, this isn’t going to be pretty. Both were brawlers and both were nearly or over 40 but let’s see if the crowd intensity carries it. We’re joined in progress as Kowalski is in standard gear with Bruno in the black trunks. Bruno chases him around the ring and tackles him as Okerlund in the voiceover says Kowalski was such a madman he ripped an opponent’s ear off and laughed at him in the hospital. The truth is Kowalski dropped a knee on Yukon Eric (no not the Lumberjacks from TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS) who had badly cauliflowered ears and the ear came off by accident. Kowalski visited Eric in the hospital and they laughed together about the incident. The newspapers didn’t want to break kayfabe so they printed that Kowalski came to the hospital to laugh AT him. It established Kowalski as a viscious heel that carried him his whole career. Think Chris Benoit getting the nickname “crippler” by breaking Sabu’s neck. Anyway Bruno fireman carries Kowalski down, who crufixes the champion. Bruno in the voiceover praises Killer for his stamina, saying he once wrestled him for 90 minutes straight. Not bad since Kowalski was 47 years old at this time. Bruno and Killer exchange actual wrestling holds for pinfall attempts as Bruno in the voiceover says Killer was the toughest man he ever faced. Killer chokes Bruno on the bottom rope before kicking him on the ground. Killer goes for the blatant choke and the ref doesn’t even attempt to stop him. The crowd gets into it as Killer goes up to the top. Bruno throws him off the top and scoop slams him. Bruno covers for 1…2…nope. Bruno goes for a surfboard but Killer makes it to the ropes. Bruno looks out toward the crowd and they chair before dropping a knee to the back. Bruno pounds away in the corner but Kowalski gets the upper hand with the iron claw to the ribs. Killer bites the head of Bruno and does the big stomp off the second rope. Back to the iron claw, Bruno kicks him away a few times before picking him up with a double leg shot and dumping him over the top rope. Nice classic wrestling there. Bruno rams him into the post as Killer begins to stall. Back inside Kowalski lands a mediocre forearm as they both look gassed. A dropkick by Kowalski sends Bruno through the ropes to the outside. Back inside Killer scoop slams Bruno and covers for 1…2..nope. 2 big foearms sends Bruno through the ropes to the outside. Some old lady in the front row shouts at Killer as Bruno gets back to the ring steps. Killer catches Bruno on his way into the ring and bites the forehead. Kowalski punches in the corner and continues to bite Bruno. Sammartino finally blades but Kowalski won’t stop punching him in the corner Kowalski shouts at Skaaland and continues to bite and punch. Vince “How much can one man take?” Kowalski continues the onslaught in the corner as Bruno appears to be going for the big comeback. Bruno “Hulks up” ten years before Hogan would and starts beating the ever loving shit out of Kowalski much to the crowd’s delight. The crowd nearly blows the roof off as Bruno annihilates Kowalski with boots and fists. Eventually Kowalski fights back and they continue to slug it out. The crowd goes nuts as the ref calls for the bell…you gotta be kidding me. At least use a chair or do it on the outside if you’re gonna go with that finish. Arnold Skaaland tries to pry Bruno away from Kowalski as Chief Jay Strongbow, Pedro Morales and one of the Japanese wrestlers get in to stop the fight. Kowalski bails to the back as Vince says its absolute mayhem in the Garden. Sammartino complains to Morales as the announcer gets in the ring. The crowd isn’t happy with the decision but Bruno stomps around the ring, ready for round two with Kowalski. Arnold and Strongbow raises Bruno’s arms in victory as we cut here. Now that’s more like it. Ring of Honor spotfest jagoff marks can complain about the match being “shit” but they don’t know shit about wrestling to begin with. The story being told is Bruno trying to counter the dirty tactics of Kowalski with brawling. After Kowalski opened him up, he made the big comeback and the crowd loved it. The fans left thinking “Damn that was fun” and that’s the point. Who cares if they didn’t do triple moonsaults into reverse monkey fuckers or worked a half crab leg lock like Ole Anderson for 30 straight minutes?
Time of match: Joined in progress (officially 24:15)

Winner: Draw, Double DQ.
We now break the action for a little interview in the studio with Bruno and Okerlund. Okerlund says Bruno main evented the Garden 211 times and Okerlund says Bruno is the greatest of all time. Bruno says he’s been on top for 22 years (in WWWF, he started in 1959) as we get a graphic saying Bruno won the heavyweight title in 55 seconds on May 17, 1963. Bruno to this day claims the match was a shoot and knowing Buddy Rogers reputation, Bruno may be right. Bruno says he wrestled in Italy and played soccer until World War 2 broke out. He started power-lifting when he got to America because he was physically weak hiding in the mountains of Abruzzi. He set the world records in weight lifting in 1959 and a graphic shows Bruno picking up the 600 pound Haystacks Calhoun. Okerlund says Bruno vs Pedro in Shea Stadium was one of his favorites. Bruno says it rained all weekend and it was still a great match. Wish they could have shown that one on this tape. Bruno says you need to put forth your best effort in wrestling. Bruno is actually sweating and says in life, take care of your friends and family. We TAPE EDIT (yeah, on an interview) and Okerlund asks which generation is better, old or new. Bruno says he prefers the old school because of the athletic skill instead of the “screaming” which he means the promos. Bruno “Everything is hate, hate hate” It’s a nice babyface interview but the reality would be far worse which I’ll get to later. Okerlund asks him how he’s transitioning to announcer and Bruno says he’s not the best at it and gives credit to Gene, Monsoon and Vince for being able to do it. Gene asks if Bruno will come out of retirement and Bruno says he doesn’t do it for the money, he does it for the challenge. He says he wants to go in there against guys half his age and beat them because of his clean lifestyle. He was right on the money there. He’s still alive and kicking in 2016 while most everyone who competed at Wrestlemania’s 6 and 7 five years after this tape was released are currently dead. Okerlund concludes the interview by calling him the king of sports. The REAL reason Bruno started to detest wrestling was because it went from wrestling to sports entertainment. The sillyness of TNT plus the pageantry of Wrestlemania and the onslaught of fake wrestling, culminating in Vince coming out in public saying wrestling is scripted….drove Bruno away. He pretty much said to hell with WWE from 1988 to 2013 when he returned to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. Those 25 years gone was a waste of time that nobody would ever get back. Good interview.

 

Next up is a special Piper’s Pit from October 21, 1985 in Madison Square Garden. Piper tells the crowd to kiss his ass and Bruno says “I never liked Piper” in the voiceover. Piper in real time “Ladies….no wait, we’re in New York. PEOPLE!!!” Hahaha. Bruno runs out and Bob Orton sets up a chair next to Piper’s. Bruno “You want to interview me? Get rid of this garbage” and he motions toward Orton. BURN! Bruno threatens Piper that he’ll bring in one of his friends to counter Orton unless Bob leaves. Orton wants to rumble but Piper whispers in his ear and sends him away. Piper “I have nothing to fear.” Piper “Are you a happy person now? Have a seat.” Piper “You’ll still be able to get up won’t you?” Piper waves the air “Garlic for lunch? You know we sit here face to face and I look at you, you’re so much uglier than I am.” Piper says people told him to call Bruno the “living legend”. Bruno cuts him off “You know why they call me the living legend, is because I’ve met many, many big mouthed people and I shut them all.” Piper gets up and retreats and Bruno stands up as well. Piper “You fought here at Madison Square 211 times, correct?” Bruno “That’s correct” Piper “How stupid can you be to wrestle 211 times when you’re all washed up?” Bruno “The 211th time I kicked my opponent’s butt so I couldn’t have been too washed up.” Piper “I noticed you lost a little weight” Bruno “I’m no longer 265, I’m 245. I’m in shape.” Bruno “I lost a lot of hair, just like my father, he lived to be 95.” Piper “Where are you from?” Bruno “I’m from Italy. By the way, in Italy we don’t wear skirts.” The crowd cheers and Piper retreats. Piper “It aint me that’s got a fat, little puke son running around imposing on daddy’s name.” Bruno “Don’t you get smart with me, interview me like a man or get out of here.” Piper “You think 15 years ago in your prime you could take someone like me who’s in my prime now. I know your ears are nasty and your nose is smeared all over your face, but try to think about it.” Bruno “15 years ago I would have squashed you like a grape and I could squash you like a grape now.” Piper “You stupid wop man!” Oh snap! Bruno shoves Piper on his ass and the crowd goes nuts. Piper waffles Bruno with the chair and goes to town on Bruno with it. The crowd pelts the ring with garbage as Piper rips Bruno’s shirt off. Piper kicks away at Bruno and sheds his own shirt. Monsoon on commentary says people will come out to save Bruno soon. Ventura on commentary says Bruno started it. Bruno then rallies with right hands, grabs a chair, swings at Piper and misses. Piper runs into Orton outside and they bail to the back. Bruno stands tall in the ring. The crowd starts a Bruno chant and we cut here. Now that was pretty damn good. Piper stung with insults but Bruno answered every single one of them. This was to set up Piper/Bruno now that Piper/Hogan had ended.
Match 5

Bruno Sammartino vs “Rowdy” Roddy Piper

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura

 

December 7, 1985 in the Boston Garden saw the 31 year old Piper take on the now 50 year old Bruno. We’re joined in progress as both men are in standard blue trunks. Bruno rams Piper’s head into the ring post and Bruno in the voiceover saying he warned fans before the match that this was going to be a wild brawl. At least he was honest. Bruno on the floor rams Piper into various scenery as Monsoon calls this a pier six brawl. Piper is already busted open as Piper drops from a boot to the ribs. Piper begs off as Monsoon brings up the Piper’s Pit that brought this on. Bruno wipes out the referee after going to town on Piper and he apologizes. Piper takes advantage with a low blow and covers for 1…2…nope. Monsoon and Ventura praise Bruno’s stamina at 50 years old. Piper then goes to town on Bruno with a series of punches as referee Danny Davis checks the wound. Bruno rallies with right hands but an eye gouge stops the momentum. Piper sends Bruno to the outside and goes out after him. Piper rams Bruno head first into the steel barricade as Ventura says Piper looks to be in rough shape. Monsoon calls Piper gutsy as Bruno rallies with kicks that sends Piper outside. Piper goes for the exit but Bruno gets out and throws Piper back in. Piper and Bruno continue to brawl as Piper tries to bail again. Once again Bruno catches him and throws Roddy back inside. Piper begs off as the crowd cheers Bruno. Piper crawls away and Bruno exposes Roddy’s ass trying to bring him back in the ring. Piper punches and claws to stall Bruno and an axehandle floors Bruno. Ventura says before the match he’d give the stamina edge to Piper but now he’s not so sure. Monsoon says Bruno’s been running 5 miles a day 3 times a week. Did I mention he was 50? No wonder he’s still alive now. Bruno unloads on Piper when Cowboy Bob Orton runs in for the DQ. Bruno cuts him off and starts pounding away on Orton. Bruno cleans both of them out,tossing Orton over the top to the floor. Bruno visciously attacks Piper when Orton cracks Bruno with the cast on the back of the neck. Orton and Piper get the upperhand as Orton tosses Danny Davis aside. Piper even decks Davis for good measure. Orton and Piper tie Bruno in the ropes Andre style. Orton drops Davis one more time as Piper and Orton celebrate. We cut here and that was pretty good. Once again, throw catch as catch can out the window and go by pure intensity and story. The 50 year old Bruno proved he can still hang with the contemporaries.
Time of match: Joined in progress

Winner: Bruno Sammartino by DQ
Moving right along to the next match.
Match 6

Bruno Sammartino and “Mr Wonderful” Paul Orndorff vs “Rowdy” Roddy Piper and “Cowboy” Bob Orton

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura

 

This match actually predates the last one. This was from September 28, 1985 in Boston Garden. Orndorff has a cast on his right arm to counter the one on the left of Orton. Both are in standard red trunks. Bruno and Piper are in the blue trunks. Paul and Bruno clear the ring as Orndorff drops Piper with the cast. Bruno and Piper brawl on the outside as Paul rams Piper and Orton’s head together. Finally we get started with Paul and Roddy in the corner. Paul chokes Piper with the tag rope and nails Orton for good measure. Orndorff revs up the crowd and tags Bruno in. Piper tags in Orton and Bruno clobbers him. Orton gets the upperhand with his cast and tags in Bruno. Piper slaps Bruno who responds by kicking his ass out of the ring. Bruno follows but Orton catches him. Orton distracts the ref and Piper clobbers Bruno with a wooden chair. Paul throws the chair inside and the referee takes it away. Bruno slides back in as Piper throws away the wooden steps, only for Orton to throw Bruno into them. Piper and Orton do the “I love you” sign in the center of the ring amidst a chorus of boos. Ventura says Bruno should have stayed retired. Ventura “Same thing could happen to you Gorilla” Bruno rallies in the corner and nails Orton but that gives Piper enough time to rake the eyes. Bruno ducks under a clothesline and wallops Piper with a forearm to the chest. Bruno tags in Orndorff who nails Piper with the cast. Paul nails Orton as well and goes for the piledriver on Piper. Bruno runs in to stop Orton but the ref intercepts him. Orton goes to the top and nails Orndorff with the cast. Piper rolls on top and the ref counts 1…..2….NOOOOO, Paul kicked out. Piper rams Orndorff into the corner as some idiot throws a Frisbee into the ring. Piper throws it at Bruno (perfect spiral too) and Orton makes an illegal tag in the ring. Orton covers Orndorff for 1…..2..nope. Orndorff rallies with the cast but Piper tags in. Piper unloads with right hands on the ground but Orndorff goes for the sunset flip. Orndorff pulls Piper’s trunks down and we get an uncensored shot of Piper’s ass as he goes down for 1…2..nope, Orton breaks the count. Piper continues to stomp away with his trunks down before making the tag to Orton. Orton pounds on Orndorff and goes for the piledriver but Orndorff counters with a backdrop. Paul clotheslines Orton down. Bruno finally gets the hot tag as Orton tags in Piper. Bruno throws Piper to the outside and they brawl on the ground. Orton and Orndorff go at it inside. Bruno chucks a chair and Piper’s head and it just barely misses. Piper pokes Bruno in the eyes 3 Stooges style and rolls into the ring to beat the count. The crowd doesn’t like it as Piper gets his hand raised. Piper and Orton retreat to the back before the faces can get to them. The announcer says the heels have won it by a count-out. That was a high intensity match but what’s the point of showing Sammartino losing? Once again, on a profile tape, Bruno loses. Unlike the almighty Hulkster who can’t lose….right? Ventura goes to the replay as Monsoon says both of them should have been counted out.
Time of match: Joined in progress

Winners: Piper and Orton by count-out
We finish up by going back to the past…..WHY?
Match 7

George “The Animal” Steele vs Bruno Sammartino for the WWWF Heavyweight Championship in a Steel Cage Match

Commentator: Gorilla Monsoon

 

We go back to July 25, 1970, no idea where we are, joined in progress during Bruno’s first run as champion for the cage match with Steele. This is pretty grainy footage and Steele attacks Bruno, tearing Bruno’s wig off. Steele also attacks Bruno with turnbuckle stuffing. Steele kicks Bruno from pillar to post and Bruno makes the exact same comeback he made against Killer Kowalski earlier. Monsoon says that was his trademark. Steele goes to escape and Bruno goes apeshit on him. Bruno sends him into the cage and continues to unload with punches. Bruno rams him into the steel ringpost. Bruno sends him into the cage again and Steele is out cold. Bruno steps through the ropes, down the steps and out of the cage as the crowd cheers. At least it was short. No idea why this was placed at the end but oh well.
Time of match: Joined in progress (officially 13:14)

Winner: Bruno Sammartino (still WWWF Champion)
The credits roll and this one is history. Time for the previews. We get BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 8, MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE AND ELIZABETH and WWF’S EXPLOSIVE TNT SHOW. As for this one, it’s a shame we couldn’t get Bruno’s best work. Most of Bruno’s best work was during his first run as champion back before video footage was commonplace. Ole Anderson was right when he said seeing Bruno too often would explose his limited wrestling skills so seeing Bruno punch and kick for 80 minutes straight did become a bit redundant. But that’s just the in ring work, in terms of match intensity, storylines and realism, you bet your sweet ass this tape delivered. Wrestling was presented as real back then and Bruno embodied it. Natural muscles, natural conditioning and brawling tactics anyone would use in a street fight. Fans still talk about Bruno to this day as one of the greatest and this shows why. By 1986 he was nearing the end of the line and it was great for Vince to showcase him before he left. I give the tape 3 out of 5, 2 points off for the crappy in-ring work but definitely worth watching for classic, realistic wrestling. Plus the Piper segments were gold. We go from real to silly very quickly as the next tape after this is Best of The WWF Volume 7.

Villains of the Squared Circle (WF022)

 

VILLAINS OF THE SQUARED CIRCLE (WF022)

Like I had mentioned on ROWDY RODDY PIPER’S GREATEST HITS, the WWF had hit on a revolutionary concept. Showcasing the top babyface stars was nothing new in wrestling. From Verne Gage acting in The Wrestler, to Jerry Lawler being all over Memphis to WWF’s own Hulkamania. However, what all the regional territories failed to capitalize on was the other side of the spectrum. You didn’t see a Nick Bockwinkel t-shirt or video tape. You saw Lawler but was there a spotlight on Bill Dundee? There was no 4 Horseman tape in the Carolina’s. The WWF was the first to truly market and specialize the heels as well as the faces. We saw Roddy Piper get his own tape and some of the heel managers were highlighted in THE AMAZING MANAGERS but this one, we got em all. This tape is to showcase the villains both past and present that ran roughshod over the WWF. Will it be good to highlight the bad? Let’s find out. Cue the 1985 Coliseum Video opening and Mean Gene Okerlund is our host today….scratch that. He introduces guest hosts Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd. Heenan says Okerlund to keep his mouth shut. Studd says he’s not a villain, he’s a very aggressive wrestler. Bundy says they’re winners. Okerlund and Heenan go back and forth and Studd says Okerlund is gonna get the splash before the tape is over. Okerlund runs down what we’re about to see as the truo howl with laughter. We then go to our first bout.
Match 1

Jake “The Snake” Roberts vs Scott McGee

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Alfred Hays and Ernie Ladd

April 22, 1986 in Madison Square Garden is the date and venue for this non-legendary squash match. Okerlund in the voiceover says Roberts is the newest heel in the WWF and Heenan scoffs at the terminology Okerlund uses to describe him. The bell sounds and Roberts is in the purple tights with green snake imprints while McGee is in the red trunks. Roberts unload with right hands and rams McGee into the corner. Studd says he’s not afraid of snakes and Bundy says there are no asterisks in the record books, only says whether they won or lost. Okerlund sends it to the actual broadcast team as Roberts decks McGee with a right hand. Roberts goes for the snake in the bag but then delivers a stomach breaker. Roberts smiles as he rams McGee’s face into the ground twice and slithers around. Ladd asks Monsoon about Miguel Perez Sr and Monsoon says his son is wrestling now. Yeah, 10 years later he’d be one of the founding fathers of Los Borriquas. Back to live action, Roberts counters a running roll up but turns around into a dropkick. Roberts runs into a snap suplex and McGee wastes no time with a gut-wrench suplex and a pinfall attempt for 1….2..no. Jake slithers out of the ring as Monsoon and Ladd scoffs. McGee chases him back into the ring where he hiptosses Jake. A kneedrop stuns Jake and a pinfall attempt gets two. Jake begs off but McGee drags him into the center of the ring. McGee stomps Jake in the stomach then takes him down. Monsoon says Jake landed on the external occipital protuberance area as Ladd says “you lost me at the last red light.” McGee misses a knee drop and Jake hits the arm wrench/short arm clothesline combo. Jake goes for a scoop slam but Scott rolls through and goes for another running roll-up. Jake counters and then catches Scott with the D-D-T! Jake taunts the crowd as he makes the cover..1…2….3 and this ones over. Jake immediately goes for the bag where he unleashes the giant python Damien. Ladd asks why they would let Jake bring a snake out to begin with. Alfred marvels at the snake as Fink gets in the ring long enough to announce Jake the winner before skedaddling. Jake sicks Damien on McGee as Monsoon says snakes bite. Yeah, in about 5 years ask Randy Savage how it feels. After a few minutes of torture the crowd starts chanting Hogan as the announcers scoff. In terms of match quality, it was a 4 minute squash so no sense squawking about that. Mainly it was to highlight how devious Jake was to sick a live python on people. It worked tremendously.
Time of match: 4:02

Winner: Jake Roberts by pinfall
Moving right along to the next match
Match 2

Tor Kamata vs Pat Patterson

Commentator: Gorilla Monsoon

The Showdown at Shea on August 9, 1980 was known for the Bruno/Zybysko main event with the Hogan/Andre undercard but this match was apart of it too. We all know who Pat Patterson is, but who the hell is Tor Kamata? He was known as Mr. Moto in the AWA and regional territories where he feuded with Freddie Blassie. His real name is McRonald believe it or not. He was given the name Tor Kamata based off Tomas De Torquemada of the Spanish Inquisition. Guess who gave him that name, Hawaiian promoter Sir Ed Francis, father of New England Patriots tight end Russ who competed in the WRESTLEMANIA 2 battle royal. Three years prior to this match Kamata was used as a heel to get Bob Backlund over, grooming Bob for his feud with Superstar Billy Graham. Kamata attacks Patterson at the bell who Pearl Harbors Patterson as the bell rings. Kamata is in the long black tights and white stripe while Patterson is in the standard black trunks. Monsoon calls him “the big Jap” as Kamata levels Patterson with a dropkick. Try getting away with saying that now. Kamata goes up to the top rope but misses the big splash. Patterson goes up to the top rope and drops a knee. Patterson sheds his ring jacket who stomps away on Tor in the corner. At the time Pat Patterson was 39 and Kamata was 43 years old. Just goes to show age doesn’t make a difference in wrestling sometimes. Patterson whips Kamata in the corner and backdrops him. Monsoon says he went down like yesterday’s garbage. Monsoon brings up Patterson’s heel past as well. Kamata reaches into his tights for the salt and throws it…missing Patterson completely and nailing referee Dick Kroll with it instead. IDIOT! Kroll calls for the bell and this one is over. Patterson rallies with right hands and a scoop slam. Patterson goes for the pinfall and Kroll actually counts a 1 but Kamata kicks out and bails. We go to the replay of Kroll getting nailed and we cut here. Absolutely no idea why this match was included on this tape since Kamata was never a top heel. Maybe Vince was mad at Dick Kroll one day and decided to throw this match into the tape to get back at him for something. Who knows.
Time of match: 2:05

Winner: Pat Patterson by DQ

 

Moving right along to match number three.

 

Match 3

George “The Animal” Steele vs Pedro Morales for the WWWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentator: Vince McMahon

June 30, 1973 in Madison Square Garden saw a different Animal that modern fans know and love. Before Steele became the loveable goofball in the mid 80’s he was a savage heel for many years prior. Here, he takes on the champion. Both are in their standard gear. Morales and Steele trade blows as Steele nails Pedro with a hidden foreign object the ref can’t find. Heenan, Bundy and Studd make fun of Steele in the voiceover saying he’s no longer worth anything since he turned face. Studd “He’s not one of US anymore.” Meanwhile back to 73, Steele stomps away on Morales, send him off and scoop slams him. Steele catches Morales in the throat with the object as the fans scoff. Steele tells the ref he didn’t do anything as he goes to bite the turnbuckle. Meanwhile Morales lands two left handed punches that have the Garden rocking. The camera focuses on the left hand of Steele as Morales backs him around the ring. Morales stuns Steele with an arm drag and Steele retreats to the corner. Morales lands a forearm as we get a TAPE EDIT to Steele dropping Morales with a big punch. The ref once again checks Steele but can’t find anything. George rams Morales into the steel ringpost as screams “yesssss” to the irate crowd. Steele rams him a second time as the ref tries to push Steele away. George rams Morales a third time but the 4th attempt is blocked. Morales rams Steele into the ring post as the crowd goes nuts. Morales rams him into each post and Steele blades. Morales rallies with lefts and rights as flashbulbs go off. Steele begs off and Morales bites the forehead. Morales continues to rally with left hands as the referee checks Steele’s head and calls for the bell. Steele protests but the ref raises Pedro’s arm in victory. George then pulls the foreign object out and waffles Pedro with it. George continues to pound away but Pedro backs Steele away with lefts before he steals the object. Pedro chases Steele to the back as the crowd cheers. Steele runs back out after the announcer gives the news to the crowd but we cut here. As a scientific match, it sucked monkey fuck. In terms of insanity, realism and storytelling, that was awesome. I would have loved to have been in the Garden that night and feel the buzz as Morales tried to counter the “foreign object” of the Animal. Steele was a loveable face, but he was a great, savage heel in his earlier days.
Time of match: 8:16

Winner: Pedro Morales by stoppage (still WWWF champion)

 

Continuing along to match 4
Match 4

“Big Cat” Ernie Ladd vs Andre the Giant

Commentator: Vince McMahon

April 26, 1973 in Madison Square Garden saw the battle of the giants. Ernie Ladd was a legit 6 foot 9 and had played on the 1963 American Football League Champion San Diego Chargers during his football career as a defensive lineman. Then he shattered racial barriers by becoming one of the first black top heels. Most black wrestlers up to that point were loveable fan favorites such as Bearcat Wright, Bobo Brazil and Thunderbolt Patterson…and here comes Ladd as a heel. Andre is in the black trunks and Ernie in the light blue. We’re joined in progress with Andre kicking Ladd around the ring. Andre lands a big punch as Heenan tries to say the taped thumb on Ladd’s hand was 100% legit. Andre hammers away with a big headbutt as Ladd sells it like his head was on fire. Another headbutt drops Ladd into the corner. The ref tells Andre to back off as Ladd reaches for something in his tights. He nails Andre with the big thumb twice, dropping him to the mat. By the way, this was the smaller, leaner 26 year old Andre that could still bump and move around. They’re about equal size here height wise and Andre does have a weight advantage. Andre gets his left arm caught in the top rope and Ernie goes to town with boots. Andre frees himself and Ladd continues t land big right hands including a headlocked punch. Andre then grabs Ernie’s hand and punches him with his own taped thumb. Vince calls it a taste of his own medicine. Andre whips Ernie off and backdrops him. Andre goes for the big splash but Ernie slides out of the way. Ernie bails to the outside and retreats to the back, earning a count-out win for Andre. Vince says Ernie chickened out as the crowd boos Ernie then cheers Andre. That’s one way to keep your heel heat without doing a job. Once again, catch as catch can went out the window but the crowd was still into it with Andre trying to overcome the heel tactics of Ladd. Always great to see both of them, but even better to see the mobile Andre.
Time of match; Joined in progress

Winner: Andre the Giant by count-out
Moving along to match number five
Match 5

Captain Lou Albano vs Gorilla Monsoon

Commentator: Vince McMahon

What a treat. On the same card as Pedro/Steele from earlier was Captain Lou going one on one with Monsoon himself on June 30, 1973. Lou would turn 40 a month later while Gorilla clocked in at 36. Albano was a little lighter In 1973 as Monsoon looks the same as always. Both are in standard gear as Monsoon doesn’t want to wait for the announcer or referee’s instructions. Albano begs off before he takes his ring jacket off. Big John Studd in the voiceover says we’ll be seeing big, giant jellyrolls. Bundy says they’re broken down, old windbags which is ironic as Studd was older at that time (38) than Monsoon was during this match. Albano is built at 275 pounds, Monsoon 401 pounds. The ref tries to hold Monsoon back as he checks him for objects. The ref checks Albano who caters to the irate crowd. The bell rings and immediately Albano bails. He does this a few times before Monsoon lands some forearms in the corner before Lou counters with an eye gouge. Another one follows before Lou hits a third. A fourth one has Monsoon shambles around as the ref asks Albano what he’s up to. Albano continues to work the eye gouge before landing a boot. Monsoon counters with a slap and an eye gouge of his own. Vince “Turnabout is fair play” Monsoon sends Albano off and drops him with a big chop. Two overhand chops has Albano down. Monsoon then chops Albano over the top rope. Albano runs away and Monsoon gets the count out win. The crowd cheers as the ref raises Monsoon’s hand in victory. We go to the replay where Albano flies over the top and bails. Well that was a waste of time. They were better off showing Albano’s victory over Tony Angelo from THE LIFE AND TIMES OF CAPTAIN LOU ALBANO. Instead they showed a minute of Albano eye gouging before running away. Sure he was a villain, but he could have been showcased better than that.
Time of match: 1:43

Winner: Gorilla Monsoon by count-out
No nonsense, onto match 6

Match 6

Andre the Giant and Chief Jay Strongbow vs Blackjack Lanza and Stan “The Man” Stasiak

Commentator: Vince McMahon

We’re still in 1973 as this was from November 12, 1973 in Madison Square Garden. Its also the Coliseum Video debuts of the former WWWF Champion Stasiak and one half of the blackjacks, Lanza. Stasiak’s physique wasn’t really that impressive but he was a vicious heel and would be challenging Pedro Morales less than 3 weeks after this match for the heavyweight title. Stasiak was the first to use the heart punch as a finisher. Lanza and Blackjack Mulligan terrorized the territories as big, bruising cowboy heels throughout the 70’s and early 80’s. Stasiak wants no part of Strongbow so he bails to the apron only for Jay to head scissor him into the ring. Stasiak goes to bail but Jay is snap mared in. An arm drag stuns Stasiak and we get a TAPE EDIT. Stasiak is in the long black tights with red strpe, Strongbow is in the multi-colored trunks. Andre has the blue trunks on, Lanza in standard gear. Stasiak sends Strongbow off the ropes and…rakes the eyes. Stan makes the tag to Lanza and we cut here. Well that was worthless….didn’t even get to see the ending. What the hell were they thinking? At least show the ending. What’s the point of showcasing heels if Lanza hadn’t been in the ring yet?
Time of match: Joined in progress

Winners: Unknown
I dread to think what comes next if they refused to show the ending to that one.
Match 7

Don “The Magnificent” Muraco with Captain Lou Albano vs Special Delivery Jones

Commentator: Vince McMahon and Pat Patterson

Before we get to the Jones match, we’re joined in progress for a quick highlight of Muraco heaving Pedro Morales over the top rope to the outside. Okerlund calls Muraco strange as Bundy, Studd and Heenan praise Don and insult Okerlund. Jones is in the red trunks and Muraco the standard. Jones drops Muraco with a series of arm drags that has Muraco bailing to the outside. Vince says a win over Muraco would make Jones a top contender to the title. Which title Vince? SD Jones hits the sunset flip we see in the 85 Intro before every tape for 1….2…no. SD goes back to the headlock before Muraco counters with a back breaker. Muraco misses a Vader Bomb and SD goes back to the headlock. Patterson praises Jones for his patience. Muraco powers out of the headlock but Jones headbutts Don in the back. A few right hands stun Don and Jones goes back to the headlock takeover. Patterson “Very nice” Vince “The headlock is a defensive type of a hold, not an offensive.” Good call Vince. Muraco gets the upper hand with rights but SD lands left jabs to stun Muraco and a headbutt. Muraco whips SD into the corner where SD goes for the bodypress…only Muraco counters with a powerslam. Muraco hooks the leg and the ref counts the pinfall like in the 85 Opening. Both highlights from this match were used in the montage, nice. Anyway Muraco gets the pinfall victory as Vince says “How about that?” We go back to the instant replay. Good victory by Muraco and its nice to see where the opening montage comes from sometimes.
Time of match: Joined in progress

Winner: Don Muraco by pinfall
We go straight to an episode of TNT where Muraco cuts a promo. Its the same exact one he cut in RICKY THE DRAGON STEAMBOAT except its clipped. Don says there’s no more titles to win and he runs the darkside. Vince says there’s only one way to go, down. Muraco makes fun of Ricky Steamboat saying he likes fat broads (ironic given Bonnie was a looker in her day). Muraco “Put that in your pipe and smoke it brotha”. We go right to the next match after.

Match 8

Ricky Steamboat vs Mr. Fuji

This is the same match from Ricky The Dragon Steamboat only this is just a clip. We’re at the part where Fuji has the nerve hold, Vince calls Fuji a world class wrestler. Steamboat does the fade-then-revive routine. Ricky rakes the eyes and chops Fuji down. Ricky goes upstairs and catches Fuji with the flying crossbody for 1….2..nope, Fuji kicks out. Ricky goes for the big splash but Fuji gets the knees up. Bruno says that’s the first time he’s seen someone kick out of that and Vince says Ricky didn’t hook the leg. Ricky rolls through a back suplex, rolls up Fuji and gets the 1..2….3 to win the match. Steamboat celebrates on the outside as a little girl jumps the guardrail and runs toward Ricky only for her to stop and turn around. Steamboat goes to leave but Don Muraco runs out and hits Ricky in the back with a stool. The stool breaks in half as Fuji runs out and picks up the other half. They continue to beat on Ricky before leaving. Vince calls them dastardly. Now I see why they cut the match short, to show the extracurricular activity by Muraco. What a heel.
Time of match: 4:06

Winner: Ricky Steamboat by pinfall
Next up are “Rowdy” Roddy Piper highlights. Once again we get a clipped showing of Piper’s Pit where he attacks Jimmy Snuka. Then we get the clip of him slapping Alfred Hays across the face on TNT. Then we get a clip of Piper attacking Frankie Williams on Piper’s Pit. Then we get a clip of Piper and Lou Albano exchanging unpleasantries showcased on Albano’s tape. Only this time its extended as Albano flicks Piper on the nose. Piper responds by punching Albano over the couch and calling him a fat piece of garbage. Then we get his exchange with Mr. T that set up Wrestlemania1. All of these highlights are available on his personality profile tape. Then we get some clips of Piper in the ring. Only before that, Bundy tells Okerlund to shut up for calling him a jellyroll. Ha! Studd “Piper is a great friend of ours.”The clips of Piper and Schultz beating up Andre, Piper’s match with Snuka from St. Louis, Piper and Orton against Snuka and Tonga Kid. Once again, every single clip here was from another tape. It would continue with our next match.
Match 9

“Macho Man” Randy Savage (with Miss Elizabeth) vs Tito Santana for the WWF Intercontinental Championship

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura

Wonderful, it’s the exact same match from WWF GREATEST MATCHES. We’re clipped well into the match where both Savage and Santana are down in the ring. Santana goes for the figure four, but Savage counters it by kicking him off. Randy slides to the ring apron to pull out something from his tights. He swings and misses and Tito goes for a back suplex, however Randy clocks Santana with the object on the way down. Randy crawls over on top of Tito and Davis gets down 1……2….THREE AND WE GOT A NEW CHAMPION. Thinking quickly, Savage tosses the piece of steel to the outside as Davis never saw it. Its official, the Macho Man is your new Intercontinental Champion. Savage limps to the back as Monsoon scoffs at the blatent cheating by the Macho Man, Ventura says it’s brilliant. The camera shows the cold roll of steel Savage clobbered Tito with before going to the replay. Monsoon continues to complain as we cut here. Nice to include Savage on this tape but the constant clipping is getting on my nerves now.

Time of match: Clipped for the tape

Winner: Savage by pinfall (New WWF Intercontinental Champion)
Rolling right along, its time for Terry Funk.
Match 9

Aldo Marino vs “Terrible” Terry Funk

Commentators: Vince McMahon and Bruno Sammartino

This was Funk’s WWF debut match on the June 17, 1985 edition of Championship Wrestling. The referee is the infamous Rita Marie which I’ll get to later. Okerlund says in the voiceover the reason the match is on here is because of the attendant putting Funk’s hat on his head. Bundy says the guy deserved it for ruining the hat. Studd says he could care less about Marino or Mel Phillips and Funk did a good job. Basically what happened was Mel had too much stuff in his hands so he put the hat on his head in order to carry everything. Vince laughs but Funk gets enraged and beats the crap out of Mel. Vince scoffs as Funk throws Marino out of the ring. Funk continues to beat the daylights out of Phillips. Marino tries to help out but Funk sends him out of the ring again. Funk then tosses Phillips out for good as Vince continues to complain. Sammartino “That’s Terry Funk, he’s got some reputation.” The security guards literally carry Mel out of the arena as Funk goes to work on Marino with left hands and chops in the corner. Funk drops Marino and stomps on him as Rita Marie admonishes him. Funk heaves Marino through the ropes to the outside as Funk hits the floor himself and goes to attack a fan. Marino staggers back to the ring where Funk gets whipped to the buckle. Aldo then heaves Funk to the floor. Marino hits a dropkick that sends Funk over the top to the outside. Back inside Funk delivers a back suplex to quell the momentum. Funk kicks the guy in the head and snap suplexes him. Funk goes for the spinning toe hold and applies it. Marino gives it up and Funk is the winner. Funk goes to the outside and yells at the irate crowd and we cut here. Why was Rita Marie infamous? Several years later she went on the Geraldo Rivera show and claimed Vince raped her in a limousine. Why it took her 6 years to come out with it was partially the reason nobody ever thought much of it. Did it happen? Who knows. What DID happen is Funk beat the crap out of Mel Phillips…and it sure was funny.
Time of match: 4:05

Winner: Terry Funk by submission
Can we we keep the momentum going in match ten?
Match 10

Corporal Kirchner vs The Iron Sheik (with Classy Freddie Blassie and Nikolai Volkoff)

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Alfred Hays and Ernie Ladd

After Kirchner dispatched Nikolai Volkoff at Wrestlemania 2, Sheik got the next crack at him on April 22, 1986 at Madison Square Garden. This was on the same card as Roberts vs McGee at the beginning of this tape. Sheik is in the yellow trunks with Kirchner in his standard gear. Kirchner hands his hat and American flag to Mel Phillips and does NOT attack him like Funk did earlier. The Iron Sheik DOES attack Kirchner as he gets to the ring still with his turban and robe on. Sheik whips Kirchner off and clotheslines him. Sheik chokes Kirchner with the head piece as Ladd notices the bell never rang. Sheik sheds the robe, whips Kirchner off and backdrops him as the bell finally rings. Sheik spits on Kirchner and caters to the irate crowd. Shiek gives the crowd the arm and the elbow as Hays says Sheik has no dignity. Monsoon brings up the world and tag title reigns of Sheik as Kirchner leapfrogs him and scoop slams him. Kirchner drops an elbow, drags Sheik to the corner and rams him ballsack first into the ring post, ow. Kirchner punches and headbutts the Sheik. Kirchner delivers a snap suplex then covers for 1…2…nope. A gut wrench suplex is followed by another cover for a nearfall. Kirchner misses a dropkick just as Ladd praises him. Sheik stops away then delivers a gut wrench of his own. The cover only gets a deuce and Kirchner is met with a kick to the head. Sheik goes for the abdominal stretch as Monsoon says he doesn’t have it synched in properly. Kirchner hiptosses Shiek and drops a knee….but misses the elbow drop. Sheik whips the corporal off and he goes for the sunset flip, but only gets a two count. Sheik whips Kirchner off but he gets kicked in the head this time. Sheik begs off but then sends Kirchner to the floor where Volkoff whacks Kirchner with Blassie’s cane. The ref counts to 10 and calls for the bell. Volkoff tosses Kirchner in the ring and they double team Kirchner. Sheik loads up the boot and kicks Kirchner in the chest. Volkoff goes to town with right hands until Kirchner tries to fight back. He goes outside and grabs a chair, which causes The Unamericanz to bail. Nice to see The Unamericanz and Freddie Blassie showcased.
Time of match: 6 minutes

Winner: Iron Sheik by count-out
As we head towards the end, now its time to highlight our three co-hosts. We begin with the Manager of the Year ceremony highlighted in Amazing Managers. I’ll just repost. King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd stand guard outside the ring while Bobby Heenan, Captain Lou and Hillbilly Jim stand next to the trophy with “Mean” Gene Okerlund our MC for the evening. Okerlund says the WWF has received one million votes and thanks the fans but Heenan grabs the mic. Heenan reels off the heel managers and says they all gave up their votes for Heenan to win. Added with Heenan’s votes alone, Heenan gets 519,711 votes. Bobby proclaims himself the manager of the year and grabs the trophy. Hillbilly Jim asks how many votes he has and Okerlund answers he has 316,428 votes. He asks how many Lou has and 314,166 is the total. Jim then gives up his votes to Lou which means…oh yes…CAPTAIN LOU ALBANO has won the 1985 WWF Manager of the Year award. Heenan goes beserk as Jim congratulates Captain. Heenan then nails Albano with the trophy as Okerlund hightails it out of there. Studd and Bundy hit the ring and suddenly Jim is down 2 against 1. Studd tackles Jim and Bundy splashes him again and again like we saw with Andre earlier in the tape. Heenan smashes the trophy. Bundy splashes Jim again but finally Cousin Junior and Uncle Elmer make their appearance. The Heenan family bail to the back as the hillbillies tend to Jim and Albano. Great way to maintain heel heat by Heenan’s crew.

Next is the attack on Andre the Giant by Bundy and Studd also highlighted on Wrestling’s Amazing Managers.
Match 11

Andre the Giant vs “Big” John Studd with Bobby “The Brain” Heenan

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura

We’re joined in progress as Studd and Andre are locked up. Studd works over the left arm as Andre grabs the hair and headbutts him. Another headbutt stuns Studd but John counters a backdrop by dropping the giant with a kick to the head. Studd drops two elbows as Heenan hops up on the apron with a pair of scissors. He hands Studd the scissors but Andre grabs Studd’s wrist and bites it. Andre headbutts and chops Studd then kicks Heenan who attempts to retrieve the scissors. Andre punches him out of the ring and grabs the scissors. He grabs Studd, punches him and slams him to the mat. He goes to cut Studd’s hair as Ventura scoffs….but have no fear Jesse for Bundy is here. King Kong Bundy makes his way to the ring and nails Andre just as he’s finished cutting a strand of hair off. Bundy repeatedly nails Andre with forearms as Studd gathers his bearings. Andre tries to fight back but Studd tackles him to the ground, allowing Bundy to land a big splash. Studd continues to hold the legs and Bundy splashes Andre again….and again. The ref tries to get Bundy out of there but to no avail as Heenan whips Bundy who splashes Andree for a 4th time. Cousin Junior, Rick McGraw, The Killer Bees and Lanny hit the ring to save Andre. Studd is irate at Andre cutting a bit of his hair as Bundy and Heenan try to calm him down in the entrance way. Bundy was fast becoming a monster heel and this match is what set up the big Saturday Night’s Main Event showdown between Andre and Hogan teaming against Bundy and Studd.

Time of match: Joined in progress

Winner: Andre the Giant by DQ
Next we’re shown the highlight of King Kong Bundy’s attack on Hulk Hogan which set up Wrestlemania 2. Hogan was wrestling The Magnificent Muraco when Bobby Heenan accosted Hogan leading to Hogan attacking The Brain. Bundy hit the ring and beat up Hogan, avalanching him a few times in the corner with the aid of Muraco. Bundy even threw the referee to the outside to boot. Muraco drags Hogan to the center of the ring and holds him down as Bundy delivers a big splash. Muraco turns Hogan over and Bundy hits another splash. Bundy spits on Hogan as we cut here. More dastardly tactics which was the point of the tape. Now we head to the final match on the tape….which was previously covered on ANDRE THE GIANT.
Match 12
Andre the Giant and Special Delivery Jones vs “Big” John Studd and Ken Patera (with Bobby Heenan)
Commentators: Vince McMahon and Bruno Sammartino
Can we get anymore stock footage? I swear 90% of this tape is highlights previously featured on other tapes. Anyway, December 15, 1984 was the date for this infamous moment. Studd in the voiceover praises Patera who’s “not with us at the moment but still in the family” meaning Patera was in jail at the time for real. Okerlund tells Studd he stucks as a barber and Heenan tells him to shut up. Back to the match itself, Andre teams with mid-card jobber Jones to take on the Heenan Family members. Ken’s got the bleach blonde hair and Olympic singlet as Andre wears his Wrestlemania 1 tights (which wasn’t for another 3 ½ months). Jones starts out with former IC champ Patera. Jones leaps over Patera and hooks him arm for the big drag. Andre tags in and wrenches the arm then headbutts it. Jones tags in with an axehandle to the arm before flipping him over. Ken gets his arm free and executes a backbreaker before tagging in Studd. John delivers a series of forearms then floors Jones with a back elbow smash. Studd puts the boots to him then tags in Patera who picks up where Jones left off. Patera continues to slug away but a backdrop attempt earns a kick to the face. Jones hits a headbutt that sends Ken into the face corner where Andre tags in. Patera backdrops Jones over the top to the concrete floor as Andre stalks Ken in the ring. Andre pounds on Ken in the corner then ass bumps him a few times. Patera gets a knee to the back then delivers a forearm to the back of the head. Patera holds Andre for an interfering Studd and they both pound away on the giant. Both men are able to slam Andre together then they both put the boots to him. Studd holds Andre down as Patera scales the second rope for a kneedrop. The ref calls for the bell as Patera and Studd continue to punch and kick at the fallen giant. They trade dropping elbows before Patera holds Andre down for Bobby Heenan to toss a pair of scissors to Studd. Studd proceeds to cut Andre’s trademark afro. The referee makes no attempt to stop the two heels as Patera drops Andre. Studd continues to cut the hair as the fans pelt the ring with garbage. Heenan gets in the ring and kicks Jones out of the ring. Vince says they’re raping Andre of his dignity. Try getting away with saying that now. Heenan, Andre and Patera celebrate with chunks of Andre’s hair as the heels bail to the back. We go to the replay of Patera using his legitimate Olympic strength as Studd cuts the hair. Short match but fun for historical purposes. Andre had a big afro for his entire career but would wrestle the final years with short/medium length hair.

Time of match: 3:44
Winners: Andre the Giant and SD Jones by DQ
The credits roll and this one is history. Before we go, its time for the previews. Monsoon shills BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 8, MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE AND ELIZABETH and MOST EXPLOSIVE TNT SHOW. As for now, that was an average tape. They had to cram years and years of heels into a 75 minute VHS tape. Nowadays this would be a 2 disc blu-ray with loads of extras, promos and footage. Can’t fault 1986 technology for its time period. The action ranged from decent to hot so no sense squawking about that. The only complaint I have is most of the footage was from previous Coliseum Video tapes so there was barely anything new, but then again, not everyone has all the tapes so they could be seeing this for the first time. As a standalone highlights tape, its worth a look. I give it 4 out of 5 despite the cram job. The next tape after this is BRUNO SAMMARTINO: WRESTLING’S LIVING LEGEND so I’ll see everyone there.

Wrestlemania 2 (WF021)

After the outstanding success that was WRESTLEMANIA shown on closed circuit television, Vince figured pay per views were the thing of the future, unfortunately his debut in 1985, WRESTLING CLASSIC ultimately bombed. This however would be his first real test, as for some peculiar reason he decided to show Wrestlemania in 3 separate venues across the country. The first portion would be held in New York, the second in Chicago and the third in Los Angeles. Now with 3 venues, the announce team was spread thin so they had guest commentators. New York would be Vince himself and Susan St James, the wife of NBC head honcho Dick Ebersol (which broadcasted Saturday Night’s Main Event). Chicago would be Mean Gene Okerlund, Gorilla Monsoon and Cathy Lee Crosby, the wife of Washington Redskins star QB Joe Theismann (who’s leg was so badly mangled he couldn’t even be in the battle royal). Los Angeles would be Jesse “The Body” Ventura, Lord Alfred Hays and Elvira….yes that Elvira. The Coliseum Video version opens with Mean Gene shilling the action for about 5 minutes until we get started. I should point out the original video is only 2 hours long while the Wrestlemania 97 Boxset version is 3 hours long. I’ll be doing the 3 hour version. Obviously the original Coliseum Video version had to drastically edit their stuff, I feel bad for the folks living around that time period.

APRIL 7, 1986

NEW YORK PORTION

NASSAU COLISEUM

UNIONDALE, NY

Commentators:  Vince McMahon and Susan St James

After a beautiful rendition of America the Beautiful by Ray Charles we are sent to an interview with Lou Duva, “Rowdy” Roddy Piper and “Cowboy” Bob Orton. Duva hypes up Piper as a better heavyweight prospect than anyone else at the time….which actually isn’t as farfetched as it seems, other than Mike Tyson and Trevor Berbick the division SUCKED in 1986. Anyway Piper cuts a promo in a very high pitched voice saying if Mr T knocks him out, he’ll retire from boxing, wrestling, tiddlywinks and dating girls. He also says you’ll never see him paint himself black, 4 years after this at Wrestlemania he did the exact thing he said he’d never do. Anyway, on to Susan and Vince to get things rolling.

Match 1

“Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff vs “The Magnificent” Don Muraco (with Mr. Fuji)

The storyline here was Orndorff had befriended Hogan since last Wrestlemania, and when Muraco and Bundy double-teamed Hogan prior to Wrestlemania, Orndorff vowed revenge for the Pearl Harbor job. The production for this event sucked so bad they had the pre-recorded comments played DURING THE MATCH as opposed to before. They compare physiques as the bell sounds before a test of strength solves nothing. Orndorff works a headlock before running into a scoop slam by Muraco. Orndorff counters with a nip-up and a slam of his own then makes fun of Mr Fuji (with the derby hat) in a racist manner before giving him the arm and the elbow much to the crowd’s delight. Muraco knees Orndorff in the corner but Paul reverses a whip and hits a backdrop/armdrag combo before applying an arm-bar. Muraco walks on the second rope to armdrag Orndorff but Paul holds on. Muraco’s sweating profusely even though the match is about 2 minutes into it. Orndorff continues to work over the left arm and shoulder as Vince says this is the first time they’ve ever wrestled….hmm. Susan says Orndorff is applying ancient chinese torture techniques….um, yeah. Muraco counters with a samoan drop and a right hand then rams Paul into the top turnbuckle. Orndorff ralies before they both slowly topple to the floor. They beat each other on the outside until the ref counts to 10 and the match is over. The crowd is PISSED at the double-countout and chant bullshit, Vince “The crowd certainly doesn’t like the outcome of this!” Vince sends it to the ring for the official announcement which never comes, so he goes to the back for an interview with Mr T and his entourage.

Time of Match: 4:34

Winners: No one:  Double count-out

Mr T along with boxing legend Smokin Joe Frazier and midget lesson Haiti Kid rants and for whatever reason, the cameras are filming this as Howard Finkel is announcing the results of the previous match. Told you the production values for this were non-existant. Mr T says he’s gonna beat the crap out of Piper. Anyway on to the next match….
Match 2

George “The Animal” Steele vs “Macho Man” Randy Savage (with Elizabeth) for the WWF Intercontinental Championship

The storyline here was actually enjoyable and fun to watch play out. Randy Savage was the cocky heel champion who treated Elizabeth like dirt, George Steele was everyone’s favorite clumsy beast who had the hots for Elizabeth. Steele was actually a high school teacher in Michigan so he used to wrestle in the 60’s and 70’s only in the summer, and with no Dave Meltzer and national syndication around back then no one in his home town would ever know his true identity. George was actually my father’s favorite wrestler of all time and he used to tell me how the ol Boston Garden crowd used to love the gimmick. Anyway, like I said before I ran off track, Steele had a crush on Elizabeth so Savage didn’t take too kindly to that, so we have this match for the IC title recently won by Savage at the ‘Gahden’ over Tito Santana. Savage enters to his famous theme song as a pre-recorded comment saying he’s Macho Madness and he’s gonna win, ohhh yeah. Susan wants George to win because of the way Randy treats Elizabeth and will openly root for The Animal the whole match. Steele Animal Taunts (raises his arm over his head and chases his opponent) Savage to the floor with great speed considering he was 9 days away from his 49th birthday. Savage gets back in and tries to psych out Steele….yeah right, like THAT’S gonna work. Savage goes outside, grabs a chair and swings it in George’s direction before getting back in. George and Savage plays a game of cat and mouse before George catches him and bites him on the calf. Susan “Allright George, eat his leg!” Savage hobbles around the ring before hitting a running knee, knocking Steele in the corner. Steele does a baldo bomb (!!!) to Savage before taunting the Macho Man. George sticks his body haflway through the ropes to say hi to Elizabeth so Savage spins him behind, getting the animal tied up in the ropes. BRILLIANT! Savage puts the boots to Steele before he’s untied. Savage goes upstairs and hits a very sloppy looking bodypress for 1…2….nope, Steele press slams him through the ropes to the outside. Steele punches away at Randy inside the ring then throws him through the ropes to the outside. Savage then crawls underneath the ring, re-appears on the other side, gets in and delivers a high knee to the back of the confused Animal. Savage goes for a clothesline but Steele catches him and bites the arm. In a comical spot, Savage goes to grab the hair…cept there isn’t any on Steele’s head, just all over his body as told by McMahon. Steele hammers away on Savage in the corner before Randy goes outside and grabs a bouquet of flowers. He hits Steele with the flowers but Steele again bites him on the arm. George grabs the flowers and shove them into Randy’s face then whacks him a bunch of times with them. Steele whips him in the corner but then goes for his trademark turnbuckle snack. Steele rips open the top turnbuckle with his teeth then attacks Savage with the stuffing inside. Steele grabs another handful and shoves it in his face, Vince “Here’s another swallow coming up!”. George grabs a third handful and rakes the eyes with it as Vince makes note the ref is letting a lot of this stuff go. Steele chases Savage outside again but Savage leads George over to Elizabeth, where the dumb animal trys to court her. Savage uses it to his advantage as he climbs to the top and hits the double axe-handle to the floor. Back inside Savage scoop slams Steele as Susan makes a great point how Randy uses Elizabeth to his advantage. Savage goes upstairs and hits the flying elbow drop and covers for 1….2…nope, Steele kicks out at 2. Steele grabs by Randy by the nose, Vince “The Animal with a handful of face, what’s he gonna do with it?” before throwing him into the corner. Steele charges but the ref stops him, so Steele shoves him out of the way only to be tripped up by Savage who Flair pins for 1….2…3 its over. Savage was bitten, attacked with flowers and turnbuckle stuffing yet is still the Intercontinental Champion. George eats another turnbuckle as a consolation prize. Well….in terms of catch as catch can the match didn’t deliver but in terms of entertaining, definately enjoyable to watch over and over again. Ironically this would be the only match other than the battle royal I was looking forward to, brace yourself for the rest. George attacks the ref with the stuffing and chases him out of the ring as George Wells enters the ring.

Time of match: 7:07

Winner: Randy Savage by pinfall

We go to Mean Gene Okerlund over in Chicago to kill some time as the turnbuckles are replaced, which begs the question why that match wasn’t shown last before the boxing fight? Anyway Bill Fralic of the Atlanta Falcons gets in Big John Studd’s face and calls him the dud as Studd squashes a football and say he’s gonna do the same to Bill. Studd “I’m gonna get Perry and I’m gonna get you punk!” Gene tries to restore order as we are sent back to Vince and Susan. Vince asks Susan if she likes snakes and she says maybe Jake will lose so we don’t have to see Damien….all good in theory.

Match 3

George Wells vs Jake “The Snake” Roberts (with Damien)

Here’s an interesting pair-off. George Wells was football and wrestling star for New Mexico State before being drafted by Tom Landry and the Cowboys in 1971. Although he didn’t really make in in the NFL, he became a star in the Canadian League in the 1970’s before becoming a mainstay in the Stampede Wrestling. Wells actually was more much accomplished as a wrestler than meets the eye as he travelled to Mid-Atlantic, Central States and even the occassional Japanese tour well before coming to the WWF. Wells was 39 years old at the time and he’s going up against hot new star Jake “The Snake” Roberts so we know who’s going over. By the way, this was also Jake’s Coliseum Video debut. Jake enters without music and George attacks him immediately, wasting no time. George rallies with right hands and a backdrop on the stunned snake. George goes to town with forearm uppcuts before Jake hits a knee to the gut and throws him outside. Jake slithers outside where Wells cuts him off with right hands again before rolling him inside. George ducks under a leapfrog and blasts Jake with a flying shoulder tackle, shades of his CFL days as mentioned by McMahon. George looks a little like Tony Atlas only shorter with a gut, so when he headbutts Jake I actually thought it was Tony for a second. George whips Jake into the corner and hits a flying head scissors as Jake calls for time-out. Wells scoop slams Roberts as Vince mentions George has gained about 30 lbs in the last 6 months…..uh oh, getting old sucks doesn’t it. George does a knee lift that Jake sells by almost flopping out of the ring. George sends him off and powerslams him for 1..2…nope, gotta hook the leg! Jake rakes the eyes then slithers out of the ring again as Wells chases. Jake slithers into the ring and does a knee lift to George as he enters the ring. BRILLIANT! Jake taunts the crowd and delivers the D…..D….T to George then covers for 1….2….3 and its over. Sheesh, this looked to be a jobber match for Wells until Roberts hit the DDT, just to show how deadly the move was considered back then. After the match, Jake lets Damien out and sicks him on George, who proceeds to foam at the mouth after Damien synches in on the neck. Susan is visibly grossed out as is everyone watching on ppv before Jake notices George is legit choking so he removes the snake and taunts the crowd. Susan says George blew his chance to win the match early on as Vince says Roberts is still undefeated. We go back to the replay which shows George rolling into the DDT which is HIGHLY dangerous. What a shame George Wells had a great CFL career and a dozen or so years in the wrestling business yet will only be remembered for frothing at the mouth at Wrestlemania 2.

Time of match: 3:06

Winner: Jake Roberts by pinfall

The next segment is Susan and Vince discussing what we just saw then going to a highlight package of the Piper/T feud. Mr T had been at it with Piper since the first Wrestlemania a year earlier and things escalated after Mr T beat Bob Orton in a boxing match. Piper…a legitimate boxer before his wrestling days took exception to this and challenged T to a fight at Wrestlemania. We then go to Jesse Ventura over in LA with an interview with Hulk Hogan. Hogan plays off his rib injury saying it won’t matter and he’ll beat Bundy then says T is going to beat Piper as Ventura scoffs. Lets go to Howard Finkel to get to the main event of the New York portion. I should point out that the Piper interview from earlier on this version is shown here on the Coliseum Video version. They may have edited out an hour worth of footage but at least they edited the interview in at the right spot.

Boxing Match

Mr T (With Haiti Kid and Joe Frazier) vs “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (with Lou Duva and Bob Orton)

Now here’s an oddity, rather than have them wrestle (which Piper would have dominated) someone figured to get Mr T involved by digging to his Clubber Lang roots in a boxing showdown with the Rowdy one. Only problem was Roddy was a former New York golden gloves fighter so Mr T is STILL overmatched. The guest ring announcer is motormouth actress Joan Rivers. The guest judges are NBA star Darryl Dawkins (who plays for the Nets so half the crowd boo’s and the other cheers, heh), Watergate judge G Gordon Liddy and actor Cab Calloway. The guest timekeeper is none other than Herb The Nerd of the old Burger King “Where’s Herb” commercials. Vince says Mr T is the more experienced fighter which had to be said or else it would give away Piper’s background, which was a big no-no in 1986 WWF world. There will be 10 rounds 3 minutes apiece and Piper completely ignores the referee’s instructions and insults Mr T the whole way. Bell rings and the fight’s underway….Piper controls early with the jabs and T just backs up. Piper hand’t boxed in years and T is not really a fighter so this looks sloppy. I used to be an amateur boxer so I know when someone’s dogging or not and its quite clear Piper could knock T out in 3 seconds but he’s carrying him to entertain the crowd. Mr T just kept backing Piper in the corner and its a mess at the end of the round. Joe Frazier grabs a hold of Lou Duva as the seconds try to pry the fighters apart. The second round begins as the crowd begins to boo the proceedings because the referee stops the fight to wipe sweat off Piper’s face. Piper continues to control with the jab and right hooks as T covers up. T fights back with sloppy looking hooks and jabs so Piper just stands there. Piper again controls with the jab and fires away in the corner with right hooks before Mr T attempts to rally. Piper blasts with right hook after right hook and then T goes down. T utitlizes the standing 8 count before Piper closes in at the end of the round and knocks him down as the bell rings, guess you can’t be saved by the bell in any round. Piper’s just kicking the crap out of Mr T so to save face they have Bob Orton throw a bucket of water in Mr T’s corner. The 3rd round begins and Mr T is obviously winded so Piper continues the rope-a-dope before T sneaks a nice uppercut in. T plods away at Piper with body punches in the corner and Piper actually goes down from a few blows. Piper gets up the count of 8 so its 2 knockdowns to 1 in favor of Piper, so T continues to press advantage. T punches Piper with a right cross and Piper sells it by falling through the ropes to the outside….that was staged, it barely touched him. Piper crawls back in to beat the count as the 3 knockdown rule is in effect so one more and Piper’s done. Nothing else happens the rest of the round and the bell rings, then Susan St James blows the ending saying Piper might try something unsavory in this round. Piper throws the stand at Mr T and almost takes his leg out. They exchange right hooks in the center of the ring and at this point its all stages as there’s no way these guys should be keeping their arms low after 4 knockdowns. They knock each other’s mouthpieces out before they cram into the corner. Piper shoves the ref down then scoop slams Mr T, so much for boxing. The ref calls for the bell and a pier 6 brawl erupts in the ring. Lou Duva and Joe Frazier wrestle each other before Joe moves over to Orton. The ref raises Mr T’s hand in victory before Piper jumps on him….gawd just end this mess will ya? That was so staged at the end, but anway that’s it for New York so lets send it to Chicago and Gorilla Monsoon.

Time of match: 4th round

Winner: Mr T by DQ

CHICAGO PORTION

ROSEMONT HORIZON

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS

Commentators:  Gorilla Monsoon, “Mean” Gene Okerlund and Cathy Lee Crosby

Gorilla says hello and hands the mic to Mean Gene who hypes the battle royal. Monsoon brings in Cathy Lee Crosby of That’s Incredible fame to give her two cents before sending things to the ring announcer to begin our second portion of Wrestlemania 2

Match 5

Velvet McIntyre vs The Fabulous Moolah for the WWF Women’s Championship

Moolah had won the Women’s title from Wendi Richter back in November in the original screwjob (Spider Lady) and Velvet was next in line. Both were phenominal workers and that was remarkable considering Moolah would turn 63 later in the year, so let’s see how this turns out. There is a one hour time limit but I don’t see this going THAT long. Moolah attacks Velvet at the bell although the ref got in her way at the beginning. Moolah takes her over with several hairgrab snap mares and a right hand. Not bad for a 62 year old I must say, Moolah levels Velvet with a clothesline but misses a second. Velvet delivers 2 one legged dropkicks and a back elbow smash. Velvet scoop slams Moolah and goes upstairs, but misses the splash. Moolah covers for 1…2….3…and its over….wow, Velvet’s foot was on the bottom rope the whole time and nobody saw it. Not the ref, Monsoon, Cathy Lee, Mean Gene or Chet Coppock the ring announcer. The match had a 60 minute time limit and it didn’t even go 60 seconds, which was a shame considering the talent level of Velvet. Although Velvet would gain a measure of redemption at the inaugeral Survivor Series a year later, this would be her first and only Wrestlemania appearance unfortunately. That was way too short but it was good while it lasted, Chet Coppock announces the winner as Monsoon goes to the replay where once again her feet are on the ropes but nobody sees it.

Time of Match: 59 seconds

Winner: Fabulous Moolah by pinfall (still Women’s champion)

We go to the announce table as Mean Gene and Monsoon hype up the upcoming tag team title match and the battle royal. Cathy Lee says the football players have no chance of winning the battle royal, heh. Back to ringside for the next match.

Match 6

Corporal Kirchner vs Nikolai Volkoff (with Freddie Bladdie) in a Flag Match

This concept was stupid, the winner gets to raise the flag he represents…..so basically the next week on WWF All American Wrestling Nikolai Volkoff could come out with the Soviet and go back to normal? Whatever….if it wasn’t for Classy Freddie Blassie I’d hit the fast forward button…..which I actually hit when Volkoff does his singing gig. Like I said on my WRESTLING CLASSIC review (in case you missed it) Sgt Slaugher bolted for the AWA they brought in Corporal Kirchner to basically be the face militant of the company. Kirchner was actually left off a lot of cards after Wrestlemania because he was so tough in and out of the ring, most of the guys in the back were legitimately afraid to work with him. Corporal enters to music which was unheard of at the time unless you were Hogan or Savage, heh. Monsoon reminds Cathy Lee how rotten Blassie is outside the ring as we get started.  Volkoff does his spinning kick to the mid-section and a knee lift. Volkoff throws Kirchner outside and rams him into the ringpost, then bites him Freddie Blassie style. Even ol Freddie has a smile on his face when Volkoff sinks the teeth into Kirchner. Volkoff rams him into the ringpost again then rolls back inside as Freddie taunts Corporal by saying “Get in there ya yellow belly!” Kirchner is busted wide open but he rallies with right hands back inside and then forearms the referee halfway across the ring. Freddie Blassie trys to throws his cane to Nikolai but Kirchner intercepts it and waffles Nikolai with it, then covers. Rather than disqualify Kirchner for belting him in the head (maybe he was afraid of him too) he goes down to make the count 1….2….3 and Kirchner wins the flag match. Kirchner gets an unusually loud pop from the crowd, guess he must have been over in Chicago. Bad match but its always nice to see Freddie Blassie again….albeit this would be the last time on pay per view. This would also be the last appearance of Kirchner on a ppv for he was fired within the next year for failing a drug test. He ironically would become a huge star in Japan for becoming the Texas Chainsaw inspired Leatherface gimmick which he portrayed for at least 15 years. As for this match….blah, but at least it was short.

Time of match: 1:36

Winners: Corporal Kirchner by pinfall

We head to Chet Coppock who calls the next match the main event of the Chicago portion, proving that the main event doesn’t have to be the last match on the card. Gene introduces the guest time keeper Clara Peller, who you may remember for being the old lady who says “Where’s the Beef?” in the old Wendy’s commercials. We get Herb the Nerd and now Clara Peller, using this logic that means Ronald McDonald will be the guest time-keeper for Hogan vs Bundy in LA, right? Anyway the special guest referees are Chicago Bears legend Dick Butkus and Cowboys legend Ed “Too Tall” Jones (who is booed because the Boys are in the NFC who the Bears face every year or so)

Match 7

20 Man Battle Royal

Guest commentator: “The Big Cat” Ernie Ladd

With the growing popularity of the NFL, Vince decided to cross-promote by having some of the NFL stars compete in a battle royal. Instead of just naming all 20 at once, I’ll name them as they come out in order of Okerlund announces. The funny part was Cathy Lee Crosby was married to Joe Theismann at the time hence why she’s apart of the show. The sad part is the S.O.B. sued her for pretty much everything for reason’s I can’t remember. The first entrant is announced from the Chicago Bears which gets a huge pop, only it fizzles because its not Perry but rather offensive tackle Jimbo Covert. Covert actually had a hell of a career opening holes for Walter Payton and Neal Anderson. Entrant two is the first WWF Triple Crown champion (Heavyweight, IC and Tag) Pedro Morales, who needs no introduction. The third entrant is former tag team champion and future african tribal warrior Tony Atlas. The 4th entrant is world strongest man Ted Arcidi…who was instrumental in Triple H and Chyna getting into the business. The 5th entrant is former superbowl mvp of the Dallas Cowboys, Harvey Martin. Martin had a great career as a defensive end and made Craig Morton’s life a living hell in the Super Bowl 12. The 6th entrant is “Golden Boy” Dan Spivey….9 years before Waylon Mercy and 2 years before The Skyscrapers. Entrant’s 7, 8 and 9 are Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga and The Iron Sheik, who we all know of course. Entrant 10 is Ernie Holmes…the LEAST known member of the Steel Curtain of the 1970’s Pittsburgh Steelers. Jack Lambert would have fit right in here but I’m just nitpicking. Entrants 11 and 12 are the Killer Bee’s, Brunzell and Blair whom we know. Entrant 13 is Big John Studd and entrant 14 is his rival for the night, Bill Fralic. Fralic was the NFL rookie of the year as an offensive lineman, back when o-lineman were 275 lbs or less. Even in the early 90’s he opened holes for Barry Sanders upon joining the awful Detroit Lions. Entrants 15 and 16 are the Bret Hart and Jim Niedhart, The Hart Foundation, if you don’t know them you’re either retarded or not a wrestling fan. Entrant 17 is none other than former Patriots tight-end Russ Francis, who’s actually the son of Hawaiian wrestling promotor Edmund Francis. Entrant 18 is wrestling legend Bruno Sammartino coming out of semi-retirement to make one final Wrestlemania appearance. Entrant 19 is the star of the show, Chicago Bears beloved defensive tackle William “The Refridgeator” Perry. Entrant 20 is the favorite to win every battle royal he’s ever in, Andre The Giant. The bell rings and half the ring tries to eliminate Fridge but his teammate Jimbo Covert makes the save. Harvey Martin puts Dan Spivey in a headlock which I find hilarious the way he does it. Covert tries to slam King Tonga out but Fralic comes from behind and dumps them both. Ernie Ladd mistakes Dick Butkus for Mike Ditka, which I shouldn’t laugh at because I did the same once. Ernie Ladd himself was really the first NFL superstar to cross over into being a successful wrestler unless you think Wahoo McDaniel was the better NFL star for the Dolphins. John Studd and Andre go at it for old times sake as Bret Hart and Jim Brunzell tie up. Sammartino lifts Ernie Holmes and dumps him out so we’re down 2 football players early. Andre headbutts Russ Francis to the ground then goes at it with Studd again. Andre tries to eliminate Fralic as The Hart Foundation team up and get rid of Jim Brunzell. Brian Blair attacks Bret in retaliation. The crowd erupts when The Fridge slams Tony Atlas over the top and out showing who the crowd wants to see. The Bears had beaten my beloved Patriots 46-10 (ugh..good thing I wasn’t born yet) so the Bears were HUGE in Chicago as you can imagine. Anyway back to action Pedro Morales and Bill Fralic tie up as Perry tries his luck with Big John Studd. Fralic and Martin team up to try to get rid of Andre to no avail. Brian Blair tries to get rid of his real life nemesis The Iron Shiek as The Hart Foundation catches a breather in the corner. Bill Fralic and Bret Hart try to get rid of Ted Arcidi when all of a sudden Harvey Martin and Pedro Morales topple over the top together. Ted Arcidi tries to press slam Blair out but Hillbilly Jim and Dan Spivey make the save. Blair actually aids Jim and Dan in eliminating Arcidi as NFC rivals Fralic and Fridge go at it. Sheik backdrops Dan Spivey out then dumps Hillbilly Jim and Brian Blair out together. 9 guys left at this point and Fralic goes at it with the Hitman as Perry goes at it with Niedhart. Big John Studd and Iron Sheik team up and eliminate Bill Fralic, thus making his pre-match predictions a washout as Studd gets the last laugh. Sheik hammers away at Bruno before Sammartino backdrops him over the top and out. Bruno then tries to dump Studd out in the corner as Francis goes at it with Andre while The Hart Foundation have Perry tied up in the corner. Studd throws Bruno over the top and out and we’re down to 6 men. Fridge is hiptossed by the Foundation but Perry hops up and shoulder tackles Bret and Niedhart halfway out of the ring. one of my favorite spots in the entire show. Bret sold it like he got hit with a cannonball, just to show how over Fridge was. Perry and Studd face off in the center of the ring and Perry shoulder tackles Studd in the corner. Perry goes for another tackle but is met with an elbow and is hiptossed over the top and out. The crowd is LIVID and actually begin to pelt Studd with garbage inside the ring. Perry extends a handshake and Studd stupidly goes for it so Fridge pulls Studd over the top and out to a huge pop. The final four is Russ Franics….the lightest football player of the whole group, Bret, Niedhart and Andre. Too Tall and Butkus have to break Studd and Perry apart before the camera pans back inside where Francis teams up with Andre to go against the Harts. The Foundation double dropkicks Andre into his top rope tie-up spot leaving Francis by himself. Francis tries to fend off the two but is overpowered and eliminated. Andre unties himself and is worked over by Bret and Jim in the corner. Bret slingshots Niedhart into Andre and try to dump him but can’t. Niedhart himself actually had a cup of coffee with the Dallas Cowboys and Oakland Raiders during pre-season games but ultimately winded up in Calgary, where the rest is history. Niedhart goes to slingshot Bret but Andre gets his boot up and Bret crashes to the mat. Andre grabs Niedhart by the goatee, sends him off the ropes and big boots him over the top and out. Niedhart was actually in the center of the ring so he actually had to walk over to the ropes and eliminate himself. Down to 1 on 1 Bret goes upstairs only to be caught by Andre and press-slammed over the top onto Niedhart by Andre to win the match. Was there any doubt Andre was going to win? Pretty short for a battle royal but fun for historical purposes and football buffs.

Time of match: 9:08

Winner: Andre the Giant

We go back to Vince and Susan in New York who interviews “Rowdy” Roddy Piper. He rips on Mr T and William Perry and calls them cheaters while saying again he’d never paint himself black….watch WRESTLEMANIA 6 and see how that turns out. Susan chimes in and calls him a coward before Piper just goes off on Mr T with borderline racist comments. Back to Chicago, Mean Gene interviews Jimbo Covert who claims Fralic cheated by sneaking up from behind……moron. If this was to hype up a rivalry between the two, it was pointless because both were offensive lineman meaning they’d never see each other when the Bears played the Falcons. Iron Sheik comes in who says “Gene Mean” again then talks in farci, confusing Okerlund then saying Iran Numba Vun! On to the tag match….

Match 8

The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith and Dynamite Kid) with Captain Lou Albano and Ozzy Osbourne vs The Dream Team (Greg Vallentine and Brutus Beefcake) with Johnny V for the WWF Tag Team Championship

Hey its Ozzy Osbourne with the poofy hair….and wearing all pink to boot! The Dream Team had beaten The US Express for the belts back in August of 85 so they’ve had a long reign indeed. Bulldogs enter to Rule Britania and Albano leading the way. They take forever to start before Davey Boy starts out with Vallentine. They trade blows in the center before Vallentine begs off in the corner. Davey Boy runs into a hiptoss as Okerlund says the Bulldogs have been chasing the tag belts for quite some time. Davey makes the tag to Dynamite who works over the hammer, who flops in the middle of the ring. Dynamite bowls Hammer over and delivers his snap suplex then makes the tag to Davey Boy. Davey does his delayed suplex for 1…2…nope, got the shoulder up. The Bulldogs have done both their trademark suplexes so Vallentine bails to the outside and regroups with Johnny V. Vallentine gets the advantage backs inside and makes the tag to Beefcake who works over the arm ringer, until he’s press slammed by Davey Boy. Dynamite tags in and clotheslines Beefcake down for a near fall, A small package gets a near fall as Davey tags in who does A PERFECT PLEX for 1…2…nope. Beefcake leads Davey into the corner where Vallentine hot tags in with an off the top rope forearm to the back. Vallentine executes a snap suplex for a near-fall and locks in a rest hold as Okerlund says Cathy Lee is too young (a spry 41 at the time) to remember Johnny Vallentine. Dynamite Kid tags in and they trade blows in the center of the ring before Kid takes advantage. Kid shoulderblocks Vallentine in the corner then tags in Davey Boy, double shoulderblock and down goes Greg. Beefcake interferes for no apparent reason other than to give Greg the upperhand, and it doesn’t work as Kid sunset flips Vallentine for 1…2..negative. Dynamite delivers a side backbreaker but Beefcake makes the save as Gene makes a hillarious comment. Gene “Ozzy Osbourne looks like he’s shaking outside the ring” I don’t even want to try to figure out the ammount of drugs he was on at the time so Gene dropping that line is just awesome. Vallentine reverse tombstone piledrives Dynamie for 1…2….nooo, Kid kicks out. Dynamite knees Vallentine in the nuts then press slams him off the top rope when Vallentine goes up there. He makes the cover and Davey tackles an interfering Beefcake, but The Hammer kicks out at 2. Davey goes to press slam Dynamite onto Vallentine but Greg rolls out the way. Davey tags in and hits the running powerslam for 1..2….NOOOO, Vallentine kicked out of the finisher. Davey delivers a snap suplex for a 2 count but Vallentine sends Davey shoulder first into the ring post, ouch. Vallentine stomps away at the injured shoulder before Beefcake tags in to pick up where Greg left off. Bulldog goes for the diamond cutter but Beefcake counters by throwing him, wow. Hammer tags back in and delivers a shoulderbreaker for 1..2….Vallentine pulls him up at 2. Dynamite goes upstairs for some reason and Davey sends Vallentine crashing skull first into him. Dynamite falls off the top like King Kong while Vallentine flops in the ring, the cover by Davey gets 1….2….THREE AND WE GOT NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! Wow, the crowd did not see that as the finish at all, neither did I, Mean Gene, Captain Lou or the popcorn guy in the 4th row. Ozzy and Albano get in the ring and hold up the tag belts, now THERE’S a tag team for you. Cathy Lee Crosby gets in the ring as Davey goes outside to scoop up Dynamite. Okerlund hits ringside and interviews Albano who cuts a crazy promo then over to Ozzy who says “BRITISH BULLDOGS FOREVERRRRR” heh. The camera pans Davey and Dynamite outside and Kid looks completely out of it, must have been a harder fall than it looked. Davey staggers in the ring and says he’s gonna stay in the US….um, ok.  Either way The Bulldogs are the new tag team champions ending the 9 month reign of The Dream Team.

Time of match: 12:01

Winner: British Bulldogs by pinfall (New Tag Team Champions)

Back to Susan and Vince who hype what we just saw including the upcoming cage match between Hogan and Bundy. Vince speculates if Bobby Heenan will be a factor…are you kidding me? Vince sends things to Jesse with the beautiful Elvira and not beautiful Lord Alfred.

LOS ANGELES PORTION

L.A. SPORTS ARENA

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA

Commentators:  Jesse “The Body” Ventura, Lord Alfred Hays and Elvira

Jesse opens things up next to Elvira and Alfred, call me crazy but I’d rather much see Ventura and Elvira, makes a very flamboyant couple. Elvira seems into it as Ventura runs down the remaining 4 matches. Anyway lets get on with the final four so to speak.

Match 9

Hercules Hernandez vs Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat

Hercules was a newcomer heel supposedly managed by Freddie Blassie but since Fred was in Chicago, Herc will face Steamboat alone. The ring announcer is none other than Lee Marshall of AWA and WCW fame. Hercules wastes no time and attacks Steamboat at the bell with clubbing forearms to the back. Herc rams Steamboat into the top turnbuckle but Steamboat rallies with slides and a big chop to the chest. Steamboat executes a series of arm drags then applies an arm bar. Steamboat works over the left arm and shoulder for about a minute before Hercules sends him off the ropes, but then Steamboat flips over and delivers a crescent kick to the chest. He’s way too fast for Hercules both kayfabe and in real life, Herc can’t keep up with this pace. Once again Steamboat works over the left arm and shoulder of Hercules as even Ventura says that Herc can’t keep up this pace. Hercules gets to his feet and delivers an uppercut to the chest as Elvira says Steamboat looks like a wimp with the red scarf dangling from his knee. Steamboat’s anything but a wimp and he continues to take it to Hercules with chops, 2 leapfrogs and a back elbow smash that surprises Elvira. Ricky executes a beautiful snap suplex then continues to work over the left arm. Ventura says Herc better start moving and right on cue, Herc throws Steamboat in the corner then clotheslines him down. Herc slows the match down with boots to the side of the head as Elvira says The Dragon is hot. Ricky runs off the ropes but Herc catches him and falls backwards, hotshotting Steamboat off the top rope……now that was good. Steamboat rallies with chops an goes for a bodyslam but can’t hold him, Herc falls on top for a nearfall. Hercules methodically stalks the Dragon and rams him head first into the top turnbuckle. Herc catches Steamboat with a back elbow smash as Hays and Ventura hype up the remaining 3 matches. Herc dropes a series of elbows then poses for the irate crowd as Ventura scoffs for not going for the cover. Herc eventually makes the cover but Dragon kicks out at 2. Steamboat rallies with a series of chops but Hercules quels the momentum with a sloppy clothesline then covers for 1….2…nope, Steamboat covers. Hercules executes an overhead press slam as Ventura tells Elvira you’re suppose to hook a leg when covering….like she’s supposed to know or care? Hercules delivers another press slam then taunts the crowd again, bad idea. Hercules goes upstairs for a splash but Ricky gets the knees up in time. Ricky goes upstairs himself and delivers the FLYING CROSSBODY for 1….2….3 and its over. Steamboat wins it clean although Ventura says it was a fast count…wtf? Ted Dibiase once claimed on the Ultimate Warrior’s dvd that if Hercules didn’t have someone to lead him then he couldn’t have a good match, well he had Steamboat with him and he still messed up here and there. Anyway, Steamboat improves to 2-0 at Wrestlemania and we’re off and running in LA.

Time of match: 8:32

Winner: Ricky Steamboat by pinfall

There is no segment, on to the next match.

Match 10

Uncle Elmer vs “Adorable” Adrian Adonis

Uncle Elmer was a hilbilly gimmick not unlike Hillbilly Jim, but Elmer was actually 49 year old ring veteran Stan Frazier at the end of his career. Meanwhile Adrian Adonis had gotten too big for his Street Thug gimmick from the 70’s so a furious McMahon turned him into “Adorable” Adrian Adonis an openly gay wrestler. He changed his look from the New York Yankees ring jacket and black tights to a tent dress, dying his hair blond while caking his face with makeup. The whole thing was absurd but it got massive heat and Adonis was such a great bumper he made the gimmick work. Elmer enters to Don’t Go Messin With a Country Boy as Elvira says Adrian Adonis is the ugliest man she’s ever seen. The 6’8 Elmer chases Adonis out of the ring who hugs Jimmy Hart on the outside. Elmer catches Adonis with right hands upon entering the ring and whips Adonis into the corner where he Flair flips (at 300 lbs no less). Elmer clocks Adonis with a right hand and falls down from his own punch, the hell was that about? Adonis falls out of the ring and rips the ring apron completely off. Adonis climbs back in where another Elmer punch sends Adonis shoulder first through the ring post and outside on the timekeepers table, sheesh…he’s making Elmer look like Hogan so far. Ventura says Adonis is getting his dress dirty as Elmer pulls Adonis on the apron where he rips the dress off, yuck. Elmer slingshots Adrian in the hard way then delivers a very slow belly bump which Adrian sells by flying over the top rope backwards, doing a reverse Andre spot, Elmer pounds away on Adonis before he gets himself loose and delivers a punch to the chest. Adonis boots Elmer then shimmies out of his torn dress as Elvira is grossed out. Elmer whips Adonis in the corner and delivers an avalanche, which causes Adonis to crumple to the mat. Elmer gives the sign for the leg drop but misses it completely. Adonis goes upstairs and delivers a flying forearm drop…again at 300 lbs no less. A cover gets 1…2….3 and Adrian wins it. Ventura “You might not like Adrian Adonis but when it comes to wrestling he’s a very dangerous man.” Adonis shimmies around the ring while putting the boots to the fallen Elmer. Under normal circumstances that match would have sucked but Adonis fucking rules.

Time of match: 3:02

Winner: Adrian Adonis by pinfall

We then go to a pre-recorded interview with Alfred Hays who’s with Hulk Hogan. Hogan calls him Awful Alfred (Ha!) and says he’s not that hurt and he’s gonna beat Bundy. Total Count:  Dude – 0   Brother –  1  Jack – 0   Man – 3  so if you took the under you win. Back to ringside….

Match 11

The Funk Brothers (Terry and Hoss) vs Junkyard Dog and Tito Santana

Hoss Funk? Would it have killed them to call him Dory Jr? Still though, Terry Funk in a WWF ring during the 1980’s is well worth calling someone Hoss. The Funks enter first and Terry shoves ring announcer Lee Marshall halfway out of the ring for no reason….but it sure was funny. JYD and Santana enter to Grab Them Cakes and I notice Tito is wearing his red ring jacket from the first Wrestlemania, maybe he’s hoping it brings him good luck. Ventura bitches about JYD’s chain so Terry throws a chair into the ring, gotta love Terry folks. Hoss starts out with Junkyard Dog and Hoss gets the early advantage in the corner. Terry holds on to Hoss as he’s being whipped so Terry falls into the ring. JYD throws Hoss into Terry then scoop slams them both, then Tito gets in the ring and throws Terry outside where the Funks regroup with Hart. Hoss gets back in but makes the tag to Terry as Santana tags in on the other side. Terry chops Santana on the rope then for some reason nearly falls over the top rope himself, then turns around where Santana clothesline him over the top and out….that was weird. Hoss gets in and Santana dropkicks him twice for his troubles, then Hoss and Terry once again regroup on the outside. Terry climbs in so Tito tags out to JYD where they do a boxing segment. JYD gets in a few right hands then rams Terry’s head into the top turnbuckle 10 times. Terry staggers around and falls into the opposite corner where he rams his head into the turnbuckle 7 more times before finishing with a headbutt. JYD covers before Hoss interferes to break up the count, then JYD throws Terry over the top rope to the outside. After another regroup, Hoss tags in to do battle with the tagged in Santana. Hoss goes to work with european uppercuts until Satana leapfrogs over him and delivers the flying forearm. Santana covers and this one’s over 1….2..NOOOO, Terry dives in the ring (literally) and breaks up the count. Tito mount punches Funk until he rolls out of the ring and back to his corner. Tito and Hoss do a criss cross segment until Terry delivers a knee to the back to stop that. Terry tags in and throws Tito over the top to the floor where Jimmy Hart puts the sneakers to him. JYD chases Hart away as Terry and Hoss kick at Santana from the ring apron like 2 Texas vultures circling their prey. Elvira complains about Jimmy Hart’s megaphone as JYD rolls Tito back inside. Terry suplexes Santana then covers for a nearfall, then goes for another suplex but Tito counters it with a suplex of his own. Elvira notices the pulling on the tights during the suplex then says she hopes someone’s tights are pulled down so we get a little x-rated action…….let’s hope for her sake Hoss Funk and Junkyard Dog keep their tights on. Terry runs off the ropes and collides with Santana, but fortunately for Terry he falls into his own corner where Hoss tags in. Hoss delivers a double underarm suplex but the cover only gets 2 then he goes back to the european uppercuts. Elvira says Santana is hot and Jesse admonishes her for it, heh. Terry interferes and the Funks double clothesline Santana before Terry drops a leg. Funk covers 1…2….and no, Tito gets the shoulder up just in time. Terry goes for another leg drop but Santana moves and there’s nobody home, ouch. Tito crawls around to get away from Funk and makes the hot tag to JYD, who comes in like a house of fire. He unloads on the Funks and does a double noggin knocker then clotheslines them both. Terry tries to strangle JYD with some wrist tape but Dog turns around and headbutts Terry then backdrops him over the top rope to the floor. JYD goes outside then headbutts Hoss into the guardrail then bodyslams Terry on top of the time keeper’s table. Santana comes over and gets some shots in on Hoss for the hell of it. Terry climbs in the ring as JYD brings Hart up on the apron then punches him off…heh.  JYD nails Hoss then executes a small package on Terry for 1….2…nope, Hoss breaks up the count. Santana gets in, takes Hoss down and applies the figure four for a bit then lets him go. As the ref is telling Tito to take a hike, Hart tosses Terry the megaphone who waffles JYD in the back of the head with it. JYD falls like a dead deer and Terry limps over then covers for 1….2….3 and its over. Terry is either legitimately injured or he’s a terrific seller because he basically crawls out of the ring and falls to the cement. Cheap finish but The Funks win their first and only PPV match together and Santana begins a legendary Wrestlemania losing streak. It should be noted Dory “Hoss” Funk Jr would not make another WWF ppv appearance until the 1996 Royal Rumble while Terry didn’t resurface until the 1997 Royal Rumble. Bad match but fun because of Terry Funk’s antics, that’s why he’ll always be a draw in the business.

Time of match: 11:43

Winners: The Funk Brothers by pinfall

We are shown the cage being put together until we go to Mean Gene. In the background Hulk is lifting weights with Hillbilly Jim until we are shown highlights of Hogan beating the crap out of Magnificent Muraco until Bundy interferes and avalanches Hulkster a bunch of times. This sets up the main event, Hogan vs Bundy in a cage where Heenan or anyone else can’t interfere. We get sent to Ventura who interviews Bundy and Heenan, he calls Bundy “beautiful” which is downright creepy. Bundy says he’s gonna be the new champion and Heenan basically says the same thing only that Bundymania will run wild.

Match 12

King Kong Bundy (with Bobby “The Brain” Heenan) vs Hulk Hogan for the WWF Heavyweight Championship in a Steel Cage Match

Bundy in a cage, Hogan’s in deep trouble. The guest ring announcer is LA Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda, the special guest timekeeper is Ricky Schroeder of Silver Spoons fame. The special guest referee is Robert Conrad which is just for show since referees do nothing in cage matches. Hulk climbs the cage and tears his shirt off as the crowd cheers. The bell starts as everyone but Bundy and Hogan exits the cage and here we go, the monster match of 86. Hogan and Bundy are both in standard gear. Bundy stalks Hogan before they trade blows in the center of the ring, where Hogan eventually wins out by driving Bundy into the cage with right hands. Hogan whips Bundy into the ropes and delivers the big boot….30 seconds into it. Hogan chokes Bundy in the corner with his own singlet then rams him head first into the cage. Hogan chops Bundy then clotheslines him in the corner before chopping him some more. Hogan whips him off then delivers a big elbow that staggers the big man but Bundy counters the face smash by attacking the injured ribs. King Kong stalks Hogan then kicks him square into the ribs then floors the champ with an elbow to the back of the head. Bundy works over the ribs then scoop slams him, then stomps away at the fallen Hulkster. Ventura is eating this up as Bundy calls for the door to open, he makes it halfway out before Hogan lunges for the leg and holds on to it. Bundy goes back inside and slams Hogan back first into the cage then goes to leave again. Hogan holds Bundy to stop him as Heenan screams for Bundy to get out of the cage. Bundy rips the tape off Hogan’s ribs then strangles Hulk with it before tying him to the cage with it. Bundy makes his way for the foor but once again Hogan makes the save with a rake to the eyes. Hogan comes back with right hands then delivers a back elbow smash in the corner. Hulk throws Bundy head first into the cage as Bundy blades on camera. Hulk attacks the open wound of Bundy as Elvira screams at the sight of Kong busted open….ironic. Hulk rams Bundy’s head into the cage again….and again….and again. Hulk climbs the cage then stands on Bundy before continuing to attack the open wound. Hulk calls for a slam but can’t hold him up as Bundy falls ontop of Hogan. Bundy staggers around trying to find the door with Heenan on the outside trying to direct traffic, in the background you can see Hogan getting to his feet. Hogan walks over and strangles Bundy with the rib tape as noutorious Hogan basher Alfred Hays praises Hogan saying tit for tat. Elvira “Jealous you don’t have your own cartoon show Jesse?”  Ventura “Doooon’t you get on my case Elvira!” Bundy whips Hogan into the corner and delivers the avalanche, Hogan crumples to the mat where Bundy does the big splash. King Kong rolls toward the door but Hogan stops him at the last second, diving at the legs just in time. Elvira “All that blood in the ring is making me hungry!”…..riiiiight.  Bundy sets up Hogan and delivers another avalanche, but Hulk no sells it (Hulk Up time). Hogan reverses an irish whip into the corner then POWERSLAMS the 450 pound King Kong Bundy to the loudest pop of the night. Even Ventura can’t believe it as Hogan runs off the ropes and hits the big leg drop. Hogan climbs over the top of the cage where Heenan grabs a hold of the leg as Bundy makes his way behind Hogan to stop him, Hulk hammers Bundy until he falls to the center of the ring, Hulk then kicks Heenan off then drops to the floor to retain the title. Bundy falls out of the cage as Hogan chases Heenan into the cage. Ventura scoffs at Hogan trying to beat up a manager, Heenan tries to climb out the other side but Hogan stops him. Hulk punches Heenan then rams him face first into the cage before delivering an atopmic drop..sending Heenan crashing through the door and onto the cement floor. Tommy Lasorda announces Hogan the winner as he does his usual 5 minute posedown inside the ring. Not that bad all things considering, fitting ending to a bizzare ppv to begin with.

Time of match: 10:15

Winner: Hulk Hogan (still WWF Champion)

You know, people want to say WRESTLEMANIA 9 was the worst wrestlemania ever….I’d have to say this comes close. Most of the matches were crash style and other than the Savage/Steele match there really wasn’t anything truly noteworthy. Everything was rushed because of the venues and the short length of the matches didn’t help either, it was just a mess. Luckily Vince learned his lesson and this would be the first and last time a ppv would be scheduled at different venues at the same time. The next Coliseum Video release after this is VILLAINS OF THE SQUARED CIRCLE, stay tuned for that one.

Highlights of Wrestlemania (CS003)

I know what you’re thinking….”Hey, they already produced the inaugeral Wrestlemania, so what the hell is this?'” Good question, I myself was wondering what the purpose of a tape like this was. Believe it or not, this was the third in a short series of Coliseum Video’s that were called The Collector Series which also included THE HULKSTER HULK HOGAN and WWF’S GREATEST MATCHES. I honestly don’t know why these 3 tapes were separate from any other Coliseum Video’s that were out there at the time…but they’re very rare. Vince opens this tape and basically tells us we’re gonna be watching parts of each match from Wrestlemania. I mean it’s ok to have a tape like this for people with short attention spans, but you’re also saying “Don’t buy Wrestlemania, the best stuff is on this one anyway.” Vince runs down the card and says we’ll be seeing the main event in its entirety….what about Bundy vs SD Jones, how can we not see THAT match in its entirety?
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura
WRESTLEMANIA 1

MARCH 31, 1985

MADISON SQUARE GARDEN

NEW YORK, NY

Match 1

Junkyard Dog vs Greg “The Hammer” Vallentine with Jimmy Hart for the WWF Intercontinental Championship
Woah woah woah….this match was NOT the first match at Wrestlemania, they switched up the order for this tape. We start off at the part where JYD has an arm ringer on Greg, Vallentine then whips JYD off but Dog catches the foot then catches Greg with a right hand. Vallentine hits a knee and an elbow but misses a forearm so JYD hits his trademark headbutts on the ground before the camera pans to the Garden crowd. Monsoon says Hart is now the manager of Jim Niedhart, Bundy and Vallentine before Vallentine goes back on offense. Greg hits a forearm to the back of the neck and an elbow drop to the mid-section before going over the right leg of JYD. Vallentine goes for a half-crab and stretches the knee as the crowd begins to roar for JYD. Vallentine hits a headbutt to the midsection but JYD counters the figure four attempt and sells the injury well. Vallentine works him over in the corner before Dog rallies with right hands and headbutts as Vallentine does the flop. Jimmy Hart gets on the apron and Dog grabs him but moves out of the way causing Vallentine to hammer Jimmy to the floor. Dog backs Vallentine in the corner with forearm and a headbutt before Vallentine rake the eyes and scoops the legs with his feet on the rope for 1…2…3 and Vallentine wins it. All of a sudden Tito Santana hits the ring and tells the ref Vallentine had his foot on the rope. All of a sudden the ref calls for the match to continue making him the smartest ref in the history of wrestling up to this point, but Vallentine wants no part of it and stays out of the ring. Dog wins by count-out but the title does not change hands on a count-out so The Hammer is still the champ, the segment ends right here.

Time of match; 6;09  (the actual match was 6:53 so they cut 45 seconds of the match out plus the extracurricular activities)

Winner; Junkyard Dog by count-out  (Vallentine retains)

There is no segment, onto the next match
Match 2

The Executioner vs Tito Santana
THIS was the real first match at Wrestlemania and unlike the last one, we’re well into it at the start. Santana fires away in the corner and goes for a piledriver, but Executioner counters with a back drop. He hits a bodyslam and goes upstairs but Santana catches him with a slam off the top. Santana goes for a big splash but Executioner gets the knees up just in time, then he works over the left leg on the second rope before Tito kicks him over the top rope into the time-keeper’s table. Tito hits a power slam from the apron to the ring and hits the flying forearm out of nowhere. Tito drags him to the center of the ring and locks in the figure four as Executioner submits quickly. Actually on this tape, it doesn’t even show the ending, just Buddy…er Executioner trapped in the figure four. Least they should have shown Tito getting his hand raised so even the dumbest fans wouldn’t be confused.

Time of match; 1:32  (the actual match was 4;40)

Winner; Tito Santana by submission
There is no segment, onto the next match
Match 3

“Maniac” Matt Bourne vs Ricky Steamboat
Heh, this was actually the third match on the card of Wrestlemania and its the third match on this tape, least it’s in the right order. We’re at the part where Matt hits a snap suplex and covers for 1..2…nope, they trade blows in the ring before Steamboat gets the upper hand with karate chops. Steamboat hits a back suplex, a reverse neckbreaker and 2 knee drops for a cover of 1..2…nope. Steaboat leapfrogs over Borne and hits some sort of double punch to the face,……and the segment ends. Well that was pointless, doesn’t even show the damn ending. If I had bought this tape back in the day I would have felt gyped, ah well…onwards and upwards

Time of match: 1:34 (actual time was 4:38)

Winner: Ricky Steamboat by pinfall (though it isn’t shown for some damn reason)

There is no segment, on to the next match
Match 4

Wendi Richter (with Cyndi Lauper and David Wolfe) vs Leilani Kai (with Fabulous Moolah) for the WWF Women’s Championship

This match was much higher on the card so why is it so early on the tape? Whatever, we’re at the part where Leilani holds on to the hair then snapmares her over as Ventura speculates what its like to be on the receiving end of something like that. Kai throws Richter in the corner but a charge eats double boot then Wendi covers for a near fall. Leilani distracts the ref so Moolah chokes Wendi on the bottom rope before Cyndi runs over to save the day. Leilani whips Wendi off and hits a boot to the mid-section but Wendi rallies with a forearm and a New Delhi Devastator (and this is 1985 no less). The segment ends right there and I’m starting to get pissed….why put a tape out like this if you’re not going to show the endings? I guess Vince was smart enough to think “If I put out a Highlights tape, lets not show the endings so the fans will go out and buy the real tape!” Well that’s all fine and dandy but that kind of thinking will land this tape in the bargain bin.

Time of match: 1:28 (the real time was 6:13)

Winner: Wendi Richter by pinfall (New Women’s Champion though it wasn’t shown…again)
There is no segment, on to the next match

Match 5

The Un-Americanz (Nikolai Volkoff and Iron Sheik) with Freddie Blassie vs The US Express (Barry Windham and Mike Rotundo) with Captain Lou Albano for the WWF Tag Team Championship

The last 3 matches have gone a minute and a half so start placing bets on how long this one goes. We’re at the part where IRS…er Mike locks in an arm-bar then tags in Windham who once again comes off the top onto the elbow. Rotundo follows with the same elbow drop before Nikolai takes over and rams Rotundo’s head into Sheik’s legendary loaded boot. Sheik backdrops Rotundo and hits an elbow drop for 1…2…nope, near fall. Iron Sheik executes a gut-wrench suplex and covers for a deuce before Rotundo blocks a snap suplex and hits one of his own….and the segment ends here, just as I thought.
Time of match: 1:28 (heh, right on schedule)

Winners: Not shown….but it was The Un-Americanz

There is no segment, on to the next match
Match 6

King Kong Bundy (with Jimmy Hart) vs SD Jones
Heh, I won’t give away the ending but I will say I’ll be shocked if we don’t see this match in its entirety. SD Jones was your basic mid-card face at the time while Bundy was a rising monster heel, fresh from being a member of the Legion of Doom in the NWA. Jones runs into Bundy at the bell and Kong catches him in a bearhug then rams him into the corner. Jones crumples to the floor then gets up as Bundy hits the avalanche followed by the big splash for 1…2….3 and its over just like that. Monsoon and Ventura can’t believe it as Howard Finkel gets on the mic. “Time of the fall….9 SECONDS…your winner King Kong Bundy” Um, what? I specifically counted 23 seconds (which Monsoon ironically says is the previous record) so this was all just hooplah to get Bundy over as Hogan’s future opponent. Not only did they show the match in its entirety but it also showed the pre-match introductions and the post-match celebration. Maybe because we’ve blown through the first 6 matches they’ll show more of the final 3

Time of match: 23 seconds

Winner: King Kong Bundy by pinfall
There is no segment, on to the next match
Match 7

Andre the Giant vs Big John Studd (with Bobby Heenan) in a $15,000 Slam Match

They start off showing Studd and Andre being introduced so I assume they’re going to show the match in its entirety. Tthe rules are simple…..if Andre bodyslams Studd he wins 15 grand but if Studd slams Andre then say goodbye to the Giant. Studd attacks Andre in the corner as the bell rings before Andre rallies with chop and a big headbutt. Andre boots Studd to the outside of the ring and John regroups with Heenan, back inside Andre taunts Studd until backing him into the corner. Andre chokes Studd in the corner and Ventura asks where the ref is, but this isn’t a standard wrestling match so there are no DQ’s to speak of. Andre hits a knee to the head and big hamhock to the head before executing avalanches in the corner. Studd goes for a bodyslam but Andre blocks it then chops away at Studd before hitting a bearhug. The fants chats for Andre to slam as Ventura says “25,000 strong chanting”…..thought the building only held about 17,000 but nevertheless it is a sell out. The bearhug spot is worked for 2 full minutes before letting go and hitting a forearm to the back as Ventura says this could be the last time we could be seeing Andre. Andre hits a headlock and hits another hamhock to the mid-section as the crowd erupts. Andre whips Studd off and catches the foot, then hits another right hand to the face. Andre blocks a back elbow smash before chopping John in the corner. Andre kicks away at Studd’s leg and I’ll let Monsoon handle this one. “Andre now going to work on the leg, LOOK AT THIS…ANDRE PICKS EM UP…HE SLAMMED HIM!!!” This one’s over and Andre wins the match as the crowd erupts again as Finkel hands Andre the bag of money. Andre begins throwing money into the crowd before Heenan sneaks up, steals the bag then runs to the back with Studd. Ventura “They don’t call him The Brain for nothin Gino!” Andre poses in the ring and his career will resume….for a few more years anyway. The segment ends here but I won’t complain, they got everything that needed to be seen here.
Time of match: 5:52

Winner: Andre the Giant

There is no segment, onto the next match
Match 8

“Mr Wonderful” Paul Orndorff and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (with Bob Orton) vs Mr T and Hulk Hogan (with Jimmy Snuka)
Wait a minute, they’re showing the main event in its entirety meaning they purposely cut out Brutus Beefcake vs David Sammartino….heh, shows how much they thought of that fiasco. Hogan and Orndorff start and its well documented these 2 have not liked each other for a long time because of their childhood in Tampa where their high schools were football rivals or something to that extent. Orndorff teases going at it before tagging Piper in. Mr T hops up and down saying let me have him so Hogan tags him in. Piper made it clear on his DVD compilation he never liked Mr. T so this feud was more personal than it was business. Piper hated Mr T, Orndorff and Hogan hated each other so this maybe an out and out shoot by the end. Piper and T staredown nose to nose before they exchange slaps to the face before hitting a go-behind takedown. T tries to sit-out/turn in but Piper maintains the ride. Mr T finally switches out of it as Orndorff fires up Piper in their corner. Mr T puts Piper into a fireman’s carry then drops him like yesterday’s newspaper (Monsoon’s words not mine). Piper backs T into his corner where Orndorff gets in then a melee ensues when all 4 men brawl into the corner. Muhammad Ali and Bob Orton get in the ring as Snuka goes upstairs. Ali throws a punch that sends Piper out of the ring then takes a swing at Orton who retreats to the ground. The heels regroup outside as the camera shows Billy Martin laughing his ass off at the proceedings. Piper motions that they’re outta here as Monsoon scoffs and the heels actually leave the area. Patterson counts up to 8 before Hogan stops him and motions for them to come back and the heels in fact do walk back to ringside. Piper and Paul get in the ring to attack Mr T and Hogan but the faces clean house. They hit a double noggin knocker on the heels before Hogan clotheslines Roddy in the corner. Hulk hits a knoggin knocker on Piper and Orndorff before hitting an atomic drop on the rowdy one. Piper and Hogan trade blows before Hulk makes the tag to Mr T then they hit a double clotheslines. T hits a scoop slam on Piper and an arm-drag on an interfering Orndorff. T hits another slam on Piper and headbutts Orndorff before ramming Piper’s head into Hogan’s knee. Make no mistake about it, in terms of physical condition Mr T has the physique that is better than half the WWF roster so had he went into wrestling, he couldn’t have been any worse than anybody the AWA put out in the late 80’s. Hogan rakes the eyes and big boots Piper over the top rope to the floor. Mr Wonderful interferes and clotheslines Hogan out of the ring so Piper grabs a chair and waffles the Hulkster with it. Muhammad Ali chases Piper back in the ring but Orndorff sneaks out and throws Hogan into the ring. Piper puts the boots to Hogan as Orndorff sneaks in a cheap shot of his own. Mr T interferes so Piper and Orndorff double team the Hulkster. Piper and Orndorff execute a double atomic drop on Hogan as Muhammad Ali gets in the ring to chase Piper out. Fans may not be pleased with Ali’s constant interference but from a kayfabe standpoint he’s supposed to be the enforcer and that’s exactly what he’s doing. Patterson has to beg Ali to get out as Orndorff works over Hulk. Orndorff hits a snap suplex as Ventura says he’s the x-factor of this match being the most technically gifted of all 4 men involved…..well 6 including Snuka and Orton outside. Piper tags in and hits windup punches then a knee lift for 1…2..nope, Hogan kicks out. Piper holds Hogan as Paul tags in and hits a forearm to the back of the neck…..One of the unwritten laws of wrestling is not to hit moves on the back of the neck because you’re more prone to actual injuries, but Orndorff would ROUTINELY do this to Hogan in their matches, pissing off the Hulkster legitimately in the process. Paul covers for a near-fall before hitting a nice backbreaker before going upstairs. Orndorff goes for another forearm off the top but misses, before Hogan makes the hot tag to Mr T. T cleans house before Orndorff is able to take him down. Mr T and Orndorff go high school style as Mr T goes for a roll but Paul wizzers to make sure that doesn’t happen. Piper makes the tag then hits a front headlock on B.A. Barabus before T tags Hogan in.  Both heels interfere so Hogan hits a double noggin knocker on them then headlock punches Orndorff until Wonderful counters with a back suplex. Piper interferes but Patterson cuts him off so both Jimmy Snuka and Cowboy Bob get in the ring. Snuka hits a jumping headbutt that sends Orton over the top to the apron. Patterson is distracted by Snuka as Orndorff puts Hogan in a full nelson. Piper and Mr. T go at it as Patterson turns his attention to him as Orton goes upstairs. Orton comes off the top but Hogan moves and Ace catches Orndorff in the back of the head with the cast. Hogan covers as Snuka roughs up Orton and Patterson gets in position..1……2…..3….its overrrrrrrr!!!!  The ring becomes chaos as everyone gets in the ring before Piper knocks out Patterson, spits at Orndorff and takes off with Orton in tow. Back inside Mr T tends to Orndoff as Billy Martin announce Hogan and Mr T the winner. Orndorff springs to life as Snuka, T, Patterson and Hogan back off. The faces celebrate in the ring as Orndorff doesn’t have a clue what happened before heading to the locker-room. Hogan, Mr. T, Muhammad Ali, Pat Patterson, Snuka, Liberace and Billy Martin all pose and celebrate in the ring as the tape ends, least they showed the main event in its entirety.

Time of match: 13:21

Winners: Mr T and Hulk Hogan by pinfall

After the credits roll, the kickass 1985 trumpet theme plays as they plug the upcoming Coliseum Video releases…now THOSE are what people were buying back in 1985-86, not what we just witnessed. I really can’t badmouth this tape too much because it was only advertised as a highlights tape to begin with. Still though, cutting the matches down to bit segments and cutting an entire match really downplays the importance of the event. They may have showed 2 full matches but the show was DRASTICALLY cut to fit on a 45 minute tape. For that I can’t recommend buying it unless you’re trying to complete a collection like me. 1 star out of 5. Since this was the third and final of the short-lived Collector’s Series, just switch over to the normal Coliseum Video reviews that are up already or will be going up. Ironic how this match was the highlights of the first WrestleMania and the next tape will be WRESTLEMANIA 2

Ricky The Dragon Steamboat (WF019)

To have a personal profile tape this early in the Coliseum Video lineage, you have to be special. Discounting the god awful COUNTRY BOYS tape, the only ones who had personal profiles were the top stars ANDRE THE GIANT, Roddy Piper and Hulk Hogan (THE LIFE AND TIMES OF LOU ALBANO doesn’t count because Lou was a manager). Steamboat getting his own tape was a testament to his amazing talent as he wasn’t a champion nor was he even in the WWF as long as Hogan, Andre and Piper were. Tito Santana was a two time IC champion and he didn’t have his own tape (or ever get one). Does Steamboat deserve it though? Absolutely. He had some classic matches in the NWA and seemed ready to break out as a top star but he was held back by Dusty Rhodes. Going to WWF meant more exposure for sure, but he also had to play second fiddle to Hogan like he had to play to Rhodes. Ah well, least he got his own tape in WWF. Let’s stoke it up. Cue the 1985 Opening…oh and props to 411mania to discovering the two guys in the black and white segment of the opening were Lou Thesz and Rikidozan. Thesz needs to introduction while Rikidozan was pretty much the Thesz of Japan. He was Japan’s top star until he turned the page to his top two students, Antonio Inoki and Giant Baba….yes, All-Japan and New Japan’s founders. Gorilla Monsoon is our host tonight and he brings up how Steamboat has only been around a year and yet has had amazing matches. He says Steamboat will take on The Hammer, Don Muraco and Randy “Not so Macho Man” Savage (Monsoon’s words). We go to our first match before he’s even done with the introduction, geez, someone’s in a hurry.

Match 1

Ricky Steamboat vs Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (with Jimmy Hart) for the WWF Intercontinental Championship

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Gene Okerlund
This match is from June 21, 1985 in Madison Square Garden and its joined in progress. Steamboat is in the long black tights and Greg is in the red trunks. Steamboat stalks Greg with a karate pose until Greg tries to scoop slam him. Ricky blocks it until Greg turns it into a takedown. Ricky switches into a single leg takedown and chops Valentine in the gut. Greg staggers to his feet and Ricky goes to work with chops until Greg bails. Hart screams “No karate!” and Gene scoffs “Whataya mean no karate?” Jimmy “Hey ref, watch that kung fu karate!” Greg goes for forearms in the corner but Ricky blocks all of them and  chops Greg all the way to the ropes where he snap mares him then does the Perfect neckbreaker all in two swift motions. Damn he’s good. He locks in a chinlock until Greg gets to his feet and turns it into an arm ringer. Ricky reverses it and drops the champ with a reverse crescent kick. Monsoon and Okerlund agree they’d love to stick Jimmy’s megaphone in his ear. A quick thrust kick and back elbow smash sends Valentine to the match. Ricky stalks Greg in the corner before landing 5 kicks to the jaw. A chop to the chest is met with a Gene Okerlund “Hiyah!” The first cover of the match gets a two count. Ricky ducks under a clothesline and lands a crossbody for 1….2…nope, referee was out of position and he didn’t hook the leg. Steamboat goes to the front headlock until Greg backs him in the corner. Greg pounds away on Ricky in the corner with forearms. Ricky falls to the apron and Valentine delivers two forearms to the chest. Ricky recovers with a shoulderblock and two chops to the forehead before going upstairs. He stuns Greg with a flying chop and he tackles him to the ground. Ricky covers for 1…2..no. A scoop slam by the Dragon is wasted as Valentine gets his knees up on a splash attempt. Greg drops a knee to the ribs and we TAPE EDIT. Valentine works on the leg and goes for the figure four, only for Ricky to counter it with a cradle for 1….2..and no. Ricky does something to stun Greg but we miss it due to an unnecessary shot of the crowd. Ricky goes for a scoop but Hammer lands on top of him for 1….2…nope. Valentine catches Ricky with a forearm to the rubs and Steamboat goes tumbling through the ropes and to the outside. Hart taunts Ricky until the Dragon gathers his bearings. He looks to the crowd for support who pops. Ricky gets fired up, pounds the mat then starts no selling Greg’s offense. They trade blows until Steamboat gets the upperhand with overhand and knife edge chops. Greg goes down and Ricky has the crowd in an uproar. Two more chops drop the champ and Monsoon says he won’t get the pin because he didn’t hook the leg. Once again the cover gets a two and an elbow drops the Hammer. Ricky goes upstairs and delivers his flying crossbody for 1….2….NOOOOO, foot on the ropes. Greg recovers and back suplexes the Dragon. Greg drops two running elbows and covers for a two count, failing to hook the leg. Valentine goes for a figure four but Ricky counters by kicking him into the corner. More chops are followed by a roundhouse kick that sends Greg over the top rope to the floor. Hart picks Greg up and throws him back in but the bell rings. Stemboat chops both Greg and Jimmy through the ropes as the Fink gets in the ring. Monsoon speculates Greg was DQ’d but Fink announces Steamboat has won by count out. That was a pretty quick count by Dick Woehrle since the announcers missed it as well as the fans and Steamboat himself. We go to the replay as Monsoon says the title does not change hands on a count-out. We end the match here and that was something else. Classic booking as Steamboat beat up Valentine six ways from Sunday yet Greg retained the belt. Was it a good match? Yes it was, the story being told was the methodical Hammer could barely keep pace with the speed of the Dragon. These two would meet again years later, but for now Ricky gets the duke.
Time of match: clipped

Winner: Ricky Steamboat by count-out (Valentine retains)
Next up is a September 1985 interview on The Body Shop with Jesse Ventura. Ventura praises his own shades as he’s wearing jeans, cowboy boots and a yellow t-shirt with Manhattan written on it in the shape of NYC, clever. Ricky comes out in his black karate gi and takes a seat next to Jesse. Ventura asks how he’s doing and Ricky says pretty good. Jesse asks where the name Steamboat comes from and Ricky says he’s carrying on the family tradition. This is half true actually. When Ricky first started out he went under his real name, Richard Blood. Once he ended up in the Florida territory, Eddie Graham felt that the name sounded too heel like (compared to Dick Blood?) and decided to re-name him. Since he had Hawaian blood, Graham had him renamed Ricky Steamboat, the son of Hawaiian legend Sammy Steamboat. The funny part was nobody bothered to tell Ricky before he went to the ring the night he was renamed. The announcer referred to him as Ricky Steamboat, son of Sammy and Ricky tried to tell him that’s not his name, only for the announcer to mutter “shaddup, that’s your name now” or something like that. Ventura then says “so wait, your great great grandfather didn’t climb a coconut tree, see a steamboat and say that’s a good name for himself?” Ricky counters “No, he was standing on a volcano.” Ventura then goes into fashion mode asking what’s the deal with the outfit and says that kung fu he’s been using is illegal. Ricky “Illegal?” Ventura bitches that he’s going for the throat and Ricky says he’s checked the WWF rules and says he uses open hands, not fists like Jesse uses. Ventura “waiiiiiit a minute!” Ventura says “You don’t bend the rules?” Ricky answers no so Jesse gets bent out of shape and ends the show right then and there. Its funny because Ricky really never did bend the rules. There’s a very, very short list of guys that had a long, productive career that never worked heel. The three names I can think of are Tito Santana, Rey Mysterio Jr and Ricky Steamboat. That’s also why Ric Flair says Ricky is NOT the best wrestler of all time, because he never worked heel. It would have been interesting to see Ricky come out strutting with shades and telling the fans to stick it, but since he never did it, its hard to imagine that.
We go from an interview with Jesse to an infamous “training” segment. Once again Vince couldn’t leave well enough alone and had to give Ricky a “personality”. No he didn’t sing and dance on T.N.T. (that I know of) but he did have this “training” portion on the show. The segment is called “Becoming the dragon: the three moments of truth”. Gene Okerlund is on location with Ricky at the temple of Chang-Lao. They walk across a wooden bridge as Gene admires the scenery. Ricky says it wasn’t always serene and that it was the site of his first test: The Bridge of Serenity. We then cut to Ricky beating up ninjas in black masks…yes of course I’m serious. Now many say that the ninjas were midgets, but they’re not. They just happen to be a bit shorter than Ricky, but they’re not full fledged midgets. The object is to cross the bridge and Ricky does that after beating up the two ninjas. Some of the blows were definitely choreographed but at least they didn’t have any goofy sound effects. Back to Gene and Ricky and the Dragon says years of training saved him there. Gene and Ricky walk into the “Garden of Tranquility”. Its not really a garden as it is a stone walkway with rocks around. Ricky says this is where he went through his second test. He’s fighting ninjas again only with sticks. He dispatches them quickly as we go back to Gene and him. Gene brings us to the third test, “The Temple of Chang-Lao” where Ricky says it was the hardest one of all since he had to do it in front of all the monks. This time he’s attacked by four ninjas who he completely annihilates in short order. He bows to Chang Lao himself who presents him with a black belt for surviving the three tests. As silly as this sounds, it could have been a lot worse. It did show Steamboat beating the crap out of groups of ninjas by himself, and if he can do that, guys like Greg Valentine and Don Muraco stand no chance. Onto the next match.
Match 2

Ricky Steamboat vs Brutus Beefcake (with Luscious Johnny V) in a Street Fight

Commentators: Jack Reynolds and Billy Red Lyons

May 26, 1985 in what appears to be the Maple Leaf Gardens saw Steamboat take on Brutus in what Monsoon in the overdub calls a No-DQ, No count-out affair. So it’s a street fight without actually calling it that…great. Steamboat is in the long black tigts and Brutus is in the long zebra striped tights. Beefcake attacks Steamboat from behind before he can take his gi off. He drags Steamboat to the apron where he pounds away with forearms to the chest. Once Ricky is outside, Brutus sends Ricky to the barriet and chokes him with his own black belt. The referee isn’t counting and I wonder why until the bell rings once Brutus sends Ricky inside. NOW the match has officially begun. Brutus sends Ricky off and clotheslines him. Billy says it was a mistake for Ricky to wear that outfit to the ring and Brutus drops the Dragon with a right hand. Brutus poses for the irate crowd and drops a boot off the second rope. A scoop slam is followed by more boots to the sternum. Brutus struts for the angry crowd before Ricky begins to rally with right hands. Karate chops from Ricky sends Brutus into the corner. Brutus reverses an irish whip and drops Ricky with a clothesline. Brutus drops a big forearm and covers, the referee takes forever 1…..2…no. Beefcake pulls the top part of the gi over ricky’s head hockey style and pounds away. Ricky finally sheds the gi and Jack finally calls it such after calling it a kimono up until this point. Guess Vince was in his ear in the production truck. Beefcake rams Ricky’s head into the buckle and pounds Ricky’s chest with forearms. Ricky just beat the crap out of four ninjas armed with weapons and now he can’t beat up Brutus Beefcake? Beefcake continues to pound away only now Ricky is no-selling it. Ricky blocks a turnbuckle attempt and rams Brutus’ head into it. Ricky chops Beefcake but falls on a scoop slam attempt. Brutus covers for 1….2….noooooo. Ricky kicks out just in time. Brutus lands a series of boxing jabs followed by two forearm smashes. Steamboat then blocks a series of forearms before sliding under Brutus’ legs. A chop stuns Brutus before a big chop drops him. Ricky rings the arm then crescent kicks Brutus three times until he drops. A knife edge chop to the throat staggers Brutus who swings and misses. A knee to the ribs stuns the Dragon but Ricky ducks under a haymaker. Ricky swings and misses himself and Brutus makes him pay with a clothesline that nearly decapitates the Dragon. We get a TAPE EDIT and now Steamboat is rallying. Brutus then counters a scoop slam with a back suplex then bridges for 1…2…..nope. Ricky gets the shoulder up at 2 3/4. Brutus kicks away at Ricky and taunts him. Brutus punches, kicks and stomps the Dragon. Beefcake goes to the outside, drags Ricky out and slams him on the cement floor. Beefcake gets in the ring but distracts the ref, allowing Johnny to attack…but he doesn’t. Ricky gathers his bearings but Beefcake reaches through the ropes and brings him back in the ring. Beefcake goes for the piledriver but Ricky counters with a backdrop. Reynolds reiterates that this is No count outs and no DQ. Ricky catches a foot and chops Brutus down. A running chop drops Brutus then Ricky does the swinging neckbreaker. More chops follow and a reverse atomic drop stagger Brutus. Beefcake goes upstairs and hits the flying crossbody. The cover gets 1…2…..no. The ref’s arm doesn’t drop for three but the fans and the announcers say Ricky has won it. The lights go on as well but there was no 3. Everyone was fooled on that one. The lights go back off as Ricky rallies in the corner. Brutus reverses an irish whip but misses the charge. Ricky goes for a scoop slam but Johnny holds the foot of the Dragon. Brutus falls ontop with Johnny still holding on…1…..2….3 its over. The lights go on but all of a sudden the ref for whatever reason waves off the pinfall. Brutus raises his arms in victory but the ref snaps it downas the lights go off again. He tells Beefcake that he saw Johnny holding the foot, which is the correct call but why did he count 3 to begin with? Brutus throws Ricky over the top rope and argues with the ref. Ricky skins the cat back in, runs and rolls up Brutus for 1…2…..3 and NOW its over. The lights go on for a final time as Johnny V jumps into the ring to protest. Johnny takes a swing at the ref as he exits the ring with the victorious Steamboat. Jack says the referee’s name is Frank Gore…no, not the San Fransisco Giants running back. We go to the replay to see the real pinfall and we cut here. That was a wild match that Brutus controlled for most of it. Ricky got the pinfall but he didn’t look too impressive during it. Not only that, it was a street fight that wasn’t even all that violent. Then again, not much Ricky can do with Brutus but get beat up and make the comeback. I’m just glad its over.
Time of match: 13:27

Winner: Ricky Steamboat by pinfall
To set up the next feud, we have to go to an episode of T.N.T. where Vince in a decent looking brown suit interviews Don Muraco and Mr. Fuji. Vince brings up Steamboat and Muraco says his actions speak louder than words. Vince, Fuji and Muraco look at footage of Muraco attacking Steamboat and hanging him. Don says King Curtis Iaukea was the only Hawaiian wrestler that he admired and he has no love for Ricky. Fuji and Muraco hang Steamboat and glad-hand each other on the TNT set. Muraco says that Ricky’s too soft and he’s in his world now. Muraco says he’s as far as he going to go and doesn’t need any more titles. Kind of stupid and Vince counters “Well if you’re on top, there’s only one way to go, down!” Muraco says he won’t go down, but he’ll spit down at people under him. Muraco says he’s got some fat broads for him and he’s having a heck of a time with Mr. Fuji.  So the dastardly Muraco fired the first shot and its now time for revenge one step at a time.

Match 3

Ricky Steamboat vs Mr. Fuji

Commentators: Vince McMahon and Bruno Sammartino

After being hung by Fuji and Muraco, Ricky vowed revenge. On August 20, 1985 he got Mr. Fuji first. Fuji is in the long red tights and Ricky the long black. Ricky sprints to the ring and attacks Fuji before the bell rings. Howard Finkel almost didn’t make it out of the way. Ricky chops Fuji, sends him off and chokes him with the black belt. Ricky strangles Fuji as Vince says its payback from before. Referee Dick Woehrle doesn’t even bother to make a 5 count. Ricky chops and punches Fuji before delivering an atomic drop. Ricky lands a double chop but Fuji counters with a punch to the gonads…ow. Ricky pounds the mat in frustration as Fuji drops Ricky with his own chops. A falling headbutt has the crowd chanting “Steamboat!” Fuji locks in a nerve hold but Ricky powers out of it with a chop to the head. Fuji retaliates with a chop of his own before reapplying the hold. Ricky once again powers out of it with chops and a leapfrog but Fuji alertly gets a knee to the ribs. Going back to the nerve hold, Vince calls Fuji a world class wrestler. Steamboat does the fade-then-revive routine. Ricky rakes the eyes and chops Fuji down. Ricky goes upstairs and catches Fuji with the flying crossbody for 1….2..nope, Fuji kicks out. Ricky goes for the big splash but Fuji gets the knees up. Bruno says that’s the first time he’s seen someone kick out of that and Vince says Ricky didn’t hook the leg. Ricky rolls through a back suplex, rolls up Fuji and gets the 1..2….3 to win the match. Steamboat beats a hasty retreat as Fuji is stunned in the ring. Decent crash style match but that made Steamboat look bad. They should have booked Steamboat to leave Fuji a bloody mess in the ring and say that Muraco is next. Instead he’s booked to barely beat Mr. Fuji the MANAGER! If he can barely beat Fuji, how’s he going to beat the former IC champion Muraco? Still, decent crash style match
Time of match: 4:06

Winner: Ricky Steamboat by pinfall

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE! After the match, Muraco runs out and attacks Steamboat with a chair. He breaks the wooden thing over him and Fuji assists in stomping him. Muraco and Fuji leave to a chorus of boos as Vince puts over Muraco as a heel, calling him every name in the book. Vince goes to the replay of Muraco breaking the chair on Steamboat’s back. Bruno says the duo should be fined and suspended and we cut here. Muraco was building tremendous heat and you know the grudge match would come eventually.
Match 4

Ricky Steamboat vs Don “The Magnificent” Muraco (with Mr. Fuji)

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Alfred Hays

October 18, 1985 in the Capital Center saw the long awaited grudge match between Steamboat and Muraco. We’re joined in progress and Muraco is in standard gear with Steamboat in the….you guessed it…long black tights.  Muraco stands on the apron as Ricky gets bent out of the shape in the ring. Ricky ducks under two clotheslines, reverses a whip and drops Muraco with a big chop. A hiptoss is followed by a scoop slam. A knee lift sends Muraco to the floor and the ref has to hold Steamboat back. Monsoon scoffs at the ref for holding him back as Muraco regroups with Fuji. A test of strength is won by Muraco who pounds away at the Dragon in the corner. Ricky reverses a whip and backdrops Don before hip tossing him again. A scoop slam has Muraco sliding through the ropes onto Monsoon and Alfred’s announce table. Monsoon says Muraco is in their lap, literally. Gorilla taunts him as Muraco gets to his feet and says “Shut up you sonovabitch.” Muraco gathers his bearings and slowly makes his way into the ring. Don purposely stalls then lands a right hand to Steamboat’s head. Ricky rams Muraco’s head into the buckle and lands a right hand. He goes for another right hand but referee Dick Woehrle grabs his arm which allows Muraco to connect with a right hand. Monsoon gives Woehrle a tongue lashing as Steamboat staggers around. “You cannot do that!” Muraco gets a thumb to the throat and delivers a back suplex. Muraco drops a knee and snap mares him over. Muraco slingshots Ricky throat first onto the bottom rope. An atomic spike staggers Ricky and Muraco scoop slams him down. Another scoop slam is followed by a clothesline but Ricky keeps getting up. A slam and another clothesline sends Ricky over the top rope to the outside. Muraco reaches through the ropes to slam ricky’s head into the apron. Muraco slides outside and drops Ricky throat first onto the barrier. Alfred says Muraco should go for the piledriver as Ricky makes it to the apron. Muraco clotheslines him down as Ricky slides into the ring. Muraco whips Steamboat off but Ricky ducks under the right hand and executes a desperation clothesline. Muraco slides to the apron then goes upstairs. Ricky catches him and slams him off the top rope. Ricky scoop slams Don and caters to the crowd. ANOTHER scoop slam has Ricky fired up and he atomic drops Muraco, who catches his head in between the ropes. Ricky chops away at Muraco as Woehrle unties him. On the floor, Ricky sends Muraco into the side of the ring. Steamboat goes upstairs and chops Muraco on the apron, who falls off. On the floor again Ricky rams his head into the apron before sliding back into the ring. Ricky suplexes him into the ring and caters to the crowd. Sensing victory, Ricky chops Muraco twice before unloading with a series of right hands. Woehrle literally throws Ricky off of Muraco and Monsoon gets pissed. Dick does it twice more and Ricky goes upstairs, executing the big chop. Fuji hops up on the apron and Ricky grabs his cane. Woehrle tries to wrestle the cane away as Fuji reaches into his hat and hands a pair of brass knuckles to Muraco. Sure enough, Ricky sends Muraco off who eats a big chop. Ricky goes for another chop but Muraco sneaks a punch to the throat, then falls ontop of Steamboat for 1….2….3. Muraco wins it! Great match…but what the hell? Did Piper, Andre or Hogan lose on their profile tapes? No? So why did Steamboat? Wow, who the hell thought that was a good idea? We cut here so even if Ricky beat him up after the bell, we won’t see it. So Ricky gets hung and Muraco gets the last word? Wow….not a great booking job for this tape at all.

Time of match: Joined in progress

Winner: Don Muraco by pinfall

We now go to a special Piper’s Pit with Ricky in the rare blue trunks, a purple warm up jacket and white boots with “Cowboy” Bob Orton standing behind Roddy Piper (in standard Pit gear). Piper sarcastically calls Ricky a new heart-throb but Piper says he’s just as hot. Piper says Ricky hasn’t had a match longer than 5 minutes and wonders why he hasn’t wrestled anyone good yet. He also calls Ricky a cheater for using martial arts just like Ventura did earlier. Piper “You may be fooling them, but you’re not fooling me for a second.”  Ricky “Well I’m sorry about that RODNEY.” Piper gets pissed and says “My name is Roderick, short for Roderick the Conquerer” Ricky “Oh, I’m sorry Conker.” Piper “That’s Conquerer! My name is Roddy Piper!” Ricky “Well what is it, Roddy, Piper or Conker?” Piper “I’ll tell ya what it is!” Orton slowly makes his way over and he and Piper sandwich Steamboat while Piper taunts him. Ricky sheds his jacket and Piper looks ready to go….and we cut. OH COME ON!!! That looked to be heading somewhere but instead we cut HERE? We had to watch the ridiculous training video in its entirety but THIS got clipped? What the hell ever…on to the next match.
Match 5

Ricky Steamboat vs Davey Boy Smith

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura

If cutting Piper’s Pit wasn’t bad enough, we’re ending the tape with two matches we’ve already seen. Steamboat’s two matches from WRESTLING CLASSIC. So yes, another loss is coming up. First he goes up against Davey Boy in the first round. I’ll just re-post from the earlier Classic post. Davey is in the long red tights while Steamboat is in the long black. They shake hands to start the match then go through standard go-behinds. Davey hiplocks Steamboat to the ground. Davey Boy back drops Ricky in a pinfall position for 1….2…nope, Dragon bridges out of it and turns it into a backslide for 1…nah. Steamboat runs off the ropes into a overhead press slam. Davey covers for a near fall then applies a front headlock as Ventura says Stemboat’s giving up a lot of strength to Bulldog. Davey hits another overhead press slam for another 2 count as Monsoon scoffs at Davey for not hooking the leg. Davey goes for a suplex but Steamboat counters with a delayed suplex of his own…..Davey Boy’s trademark. Ricky goes for a splash but Bulldog gets the knees up to counter. Davey Boy executes two standing dropkicks which send Steamboat into the ropes. Bulldog goes for a third dropkick but Ricky moves out of the way and Davey Boy crotches himself on the top rope. The ref runs over, checks on Davey and calls for the bell……what the hell? Steamboat also goes and checks on Davey Boy as the ref awards the match to Dragon…..first and last time I’ve ever seen a match end this way. Cheap ending but it was a good match for a 3 minute crash style. Monsoon says Ricky didn’t want to win this way and Ventura scoffs. We go to the replay and Ventura calls what we just saw.

Time of match: 2:54

Winner: Ricky Steamboat by stoppage
We don’t bother with a segue, onto the final match of the tape.

Match 6

Ricky Steamboat vs “Macho Man” Randy Savage (with Elizabeth)

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura

Once again I have no idea we’re ending the tape with another loss but what the hell. I’ll go with another re-post. Randy comes out to Pomp and Circumstance and the purple trunks. Ricky is in the long black tights. Before the match Savage sticks a finger into Ricky’s face who slaps it away then Savage runs and hides behind Elizabeth, heh what a heel. Stemboat turns his back so Savage attacks him from behind while still wearing his headband and cape. Steamboat slides under Savage and chops him through the ropes to the outside. Randy pulls Ricky out and brawls with him outside before they roll back in. Savage takes over on offense with right hands in the corner until Steamboat counters with a head scissors over the top rope to the floor.  Steamboat chops Savage on the floor then atomic drops him to the concrete. Ricky throws him inside then hits his karate chop to the chest of a running Macho Man. Savage ducks under a second chop and delivers a back suplex as Ventura makes his way back to the commentating table. Savage goes upstairs but Ricky catches him in the gut with a right hand then delivers a knee lift. Steamboat unloads with a series of fists drops then suplexes Savage halfway across the ring. Steamboat goes upstairs and hits THE FLYING CROSSBODY for 1…2…thre…no wait, Savage kicked out at 2. Ventura is openly cheering for Savage and Steamboat chops and punches Savage to the ring apron. Savage reaches into his tights for a Foreign Object and when Steamboat goes for a back suplex, Savage nails Ricky with whatever he had. Savage covers for 1….2…THREE???? You gotta be kidding, that was WAY too short for 2 guys as talented as they were. It was going good too, damn…..should have been much longer. Monsoon says that Ventura gave Savage brass knuckles in the back as Ventura scoffs.
Time of match: an unacceptable 3:26

Winner: Randy Savage by pinfall

We end the tape with the credits and the previews but I don’t care. I still don’t understand why in a 6 match tape, 2 losses were included. You didn’t see Piper, Andre or Hogan losing so why did Steamboat get the shaft? Guess Vince was once again trying to make the NWA look bad by having one of their top stars look inferior to Hogan and Andre. Still, the immense talent of Steamboat saved him from obscurity, even after Randy Savage appeared from Memphis and took the IC title away from Tito Santana. As sad as it sounds, Steamboat’s tape came out in early 1986 and he’d still have 2 years worth of good matches (including one special) still to come. Did I like the tape? For the most part yes, but again, you want to make your stars look as good as possible…YOU DON’T SHOW THEM LOSING! I mean, everyone has to lose at some point to put someone else over, and Steamboat had no problem with that…but there’s a time and a place for that. I give this tape 3 stars out of 5….1 point off for the losses and 1 point off for it only being 80 minutes long. They could have squeezed 10 more minutes of footage in there. The next tape after this is BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 6, hopefully Steamboat will have better luck on that one.

WWF Grudge Matches (WF018)

As 1986 was in full force, BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 5 still went back to 85 and earlier. This tape appears to be doing the same with only one match being from this year. Looking at some of the matches listed, it does make for a good tape but if you’re trying to promote new action, going back to the past becomes repetitive after 18 tapes. Still, I can’t blame Vince for when you have so much footage in the library and can only show it in 90 minute intervals (DVD’s were still nearly 15 years away), guess it takes 18-20 tapes to cover everything. This tape will showcase some of the best grudges of the past decade apparently so let’s stoke it up. Cue the 1985 opening and Gorilla Monsoon is our host today wearing a red bow-tie. Monsoon says they have received “thousands of requests” for these matches. We get a montage of the matches we’re about to see. Hulk Hogan takes on Don Muraco, star of Fuji General. Monsoon warns the fans at home that these matches will be unusually violent and bloody. Now we’re talkin’. He sends us to our first match, the champ himself.
Match 1

Don “The Magnificent” Muraco (with Mr. Fuji) vs Hulk Hogan for the WWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Gene Okerlund.

May 20, 1985 in Madison Square Garden saw Hogan defend the title against Muraco in a “return bout”. Muraco has the blue trunks on while Hogan comes out in the white trunks. Coliseum Video overdubs with a Monsoon voiceover so Vince doesn’t have to pay royalties on Eye of The Tiger. Muraco attacks Hogan as he gets in the ring so he still has on the belt, headband and the t-shirt on. Muraco tears at the shirt and puts the boots to the Hulkster. The belt falls off as Muraco pounds Hogan all across the ring. Muraco chokes Hogan with Hulk’s t-shirt. Muraco catches Hogan with right hands in the corner before Hogan rallies with right hands and a headbutt of his own that sends Muraco through the ropes and to the outside. Hogan chases and clotheslines him. He delivers an atomic drop on the floor, removes the ripped shirt and chokes Muraco with it. Hogan throws Muraco back in and removes his headband. Hogan puts the boots to Muraco in the corner, whips him across and clotheslines him with the t-shirt. Hogan drops Muraco then scoop slams him. Hogan drops the big elbow and follows with right hands. There’s a sign in the crowd that says “Beach bum” in reference to Muraco. Hogan pounds on Don outside until Muraco grabs a nearby chair and nails Hulk with it. Hogan takes the chair and clocks Muraco in the back with it. Hogan rolls in and out to break the count then pounds on Muraco. Okerlund says Don is busted wide open except he’s not. Back inside Hogan executes a back suplex and throws Muraco over the top rope to the outside. Its funny how the WWF was the only promotion not to utilize the “over the top rope DQ” gimmick. Hogan rams Muraco into the steel post head first. Hogan poses on the apron as Okerlund once again says Muraco is busted open only now he really is. Hogan bites the wound and suplexes him from the apron into the ring. Hogan calls for the big leg drop as Okerlund says not to waste time. Hogan scoop slams Muraco, runs off the ropes and hits the big leg drop. Goodnight 1…2…..nope, Fuji puts the foot on the ropes. The crowd cheers and the bell rings prematurely, but this one’s not over. Fuji hands salt to Muraco and when Hogan comes over, Don hits him right between the eyes. The referee sees it and calls for the bell. Muraco doesn’t even bother dealing further damage, he gets the hell out of there and retreats to the back with Fuji. Hogan staggers around the ring as Howard Finkel announces the champ the victor. Hogan is mad and wants Muraco to come back but we cut here. This was actually a good little post-Wrestlemania feud going between Hogan and Muraco that will be settled another time. This one was pretty quick and to the point with no rest holds. Good stuff.

Time of match: 6:12

Winner: Hulk Hogan by DQ (still champion)
Moving right along to the next match.
Match 2:

Junkyard Dog vs Terry Funk (with Jimmy Hart)

Commentators: Vince McMahon and Bruno Sammartino

The most recent match on the tape from January 28, 1986 edition of Saturday Night’s Main Event sees a rarity, Terry Funk in a WWF ring. He goes to attack Howard Finkel during introductions and he’s got the red trunks on. Monsoon does a voiceover so Vince doesn’t have to pay royalties on Another One Bites The Dust. JYD has the long red tights on. Funk attacks him as he gets to the ring and they brawl outside. Funk cuts him off in the ring but eats a backdrop from JYD. A scoop slam is followed by doggie headbutts that sends Funk outside to the cement floor. Its funny Hart is the manager of Funk as there was a feud in Memphis wrestling years earlier that saw Funk team with Koko B Ware and Jerry Lawler against Hart’s crew. Funk regroups with Hart outside the ring as the crowd chants “JYD”. Some fan holds up a Beware of Dog sign as Funk eats right hands and then rams Terry’s head into the buckle 10 times. He repeats the process in the other corner as Funk staggers around. Into a third corner JYD rams him 5 times before Hart has enough and grabs the leg. No wonder Funk is crazy, he just ate 25 shots to the buckle. JYD chases Jimmy Hart outside of the ring as Vince says he’s running for his life. Back inside Dog hits a clothesline and covers for a two count. JYD headbutts Terry who ties himself up in the ropes Andre style. Jimmy goes to whack JYD in the back with the branding iron but JYD cuts him off and takes it away by sending Hart to the buckle. Terry can’t break free as the crowd cheers when JYD teases branding Terry with it. All of a sudden, Dory Funk Jr hits the ring in full suit and tie. He takes his cowboy boot off and waffles Dog in the back with it. Vince and Bruno recognize Dory and wonder how he got there, meaning this was Dory’s TV debut. The Funk brothers stomp JYD as an irate fan throws a cup of something into the ring. Jimmy hart takes his shirt and jacket off then pounds on JYD. Its funny because Jimmy still has his tie on. A host of jobbers enter the ring to save JYD as the Funks and Harts scatter. We cut to an entirely different SNME so that ends this match. It was hot and it set up the big Wrestlemania 2 tag match. Always great to see heel Terry.

Time of match: 4:30

Winner: Junkyard Dog by DQ

We cut to an interview with Mean Gene and JYD who says its his day…get it? Every dog has its day? Nevermind.
Match 2

Junkyard Dog vs Terry Funk (with Jimmy Hart)

Commentators: Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura

Believe it or not, this match pre-dates the last one. This was on the November 1, 1985 episode of Saturday Night’s Main Event and it was a rematch after Funk branded JYD during a prior encounter. JYD in the long red tights attacks Terry on the apron before he can get his hat and chaps off. JYD brings Funk in and drops him with a right hand, then goes outside to chase Jimmy Hart. Funk gets on the second rope and JYD pulls the leg, crotching Terry on the top rope. Terry hobbles around the ring then goes outside as Jimmy Hart comes out from under the ring. Funk gets the chaps off and he’s in the black trunks in this one. Funk scoop slams JYD inside but misses the big elbow drop. JYD scoop slams Terry to the mat then scoops him up and drops him over the top to the cement floor. Jimmy runs over to pick his man up and Funk rolls on top of him and threatens to punch him out thinking its JYD. Terry walks back in and they lock up,. JYD sends him into the corner and scoop slams him. He doggie headbutts him until Funk does his Fred Sanford jab routine, flopping to the apron. The crowd chants JYD as Terry literally goes outside and jumps over the fan barrier to threaten someone. As Funk makes his way back in, Vince says a win by Funk should vault him into a future title shot against Hogan. How sweet would have that been, a former NWA Champion against the WWF Champion? Hart trips up JYD inside the ring and he bails to go after him. Ventura scoffs but JYD catches up with Jimmy only to see Terry coming up from behind. Dog backdrops Terry onto the floor as Ventura says “I hope he’s proud of himself!” Back inside JYD headbutts Terry but Funk comes back with boxing jabs and an uppercut. Terry covers for a two count then catches the Dog in a sleeper hold. The crowd chants JYD as Hart celebrates outside the ring. JYD powers out of it and ducks under a clothesline to lock in a sleeper of his own. Jimmy hops up on the apron and JYD drops Funk in the middle of the ring. JYD tries to bring in Jimmy but Hart actually lands neck first in the ring, very dangerous. Hart’s ok and he begs off before trying to slide under the ring. JYD catches him by the foot and drags him back in. Hart holds onto the rope and the ref tries to get JYD to let go, not noticing Funk waffling JYD from behind with the megaphone. Terry gets rid of the evidence and makes the cover 1…2…..3 goodnight. Hart brings the branding iron into the ring and Funk goes to brand JYD but he catches it at the last second. He waffles Funk with the iron who falls through the ropes to the outside. JYD finally gets his hands on Jimmy and decks him with a right hand, the fans go nuts. JYD takes Jimmy’s pants off and headbutts Terry. Ventura “This is ridiculous!” JYD holds Hart down and brands Jimmy on the ass, causing the little runt to squeal and squirm much to the crowd’s delight and Ventura’s disgust. Funk wins the match but JYD gets the last word. Like I said, this feud would culminate at Wrestlemania 2…but for now JYD gets one over on Funk and Hart. Modern day hipster geeks may not like the fact there were no triple flips and moonsaults, but this was a grudge match and that’s what the fans got.  Good stuff.
Time of match: 5:10

Winner: Terry Funk by pinfall
No nonsense, just the next match.
Match 4

Ivan Koloff vs Bruno Sammartino for the WWWF Heaveyweight Championship

Commentator: Gorilla Monsoon

No, not THAT match from 1971 when Koloff took the title. This was from November 17, 1975 during Bruno’s second reign. The storyline was pretty simple, Koloff beat him for the title once before and thought he could do it again. Bruno’s in the light blue tights and van is in his standard black singlet. We’re joined in progress as Koloff pounds on Bruno in the corner. Ivan sends Bruno into the corner and boots him. Gorilla on commentary says Bruno had a broken clavicle the night he lost the title to Ivan the first time. A criss-cross ends with both men colliding. Referee John Snyder counts both men but Bruno gets up and puts Ivan in a headlock. Bruno gets shot off and a shoulderblock by Ivan sends Bruno through the ropes to the outside. By the way, want to know why this match was 40 years ago yet both men are still alive today? They’re 100 percent all natural strength and conditioning. No pain pills, no steroids, no uppers, no downers, no cross country flights with 3 hours sleep and no 8 hours at the gym ruining their joints to keep their herculean physiques so they don’t lose their jobs. Bruno climbs back in and Ivan rams his head into the buckle. Bruno drops Ivan with a double kick to the eyes.Right hands stuns the big Russian and he gets dropped with a big kick in the ribs. Some felts pelt the ring with garbage as Bruno continues to attack. We TAPE EDIT and Bruno plays a game of mercy with Ivan. Monsoon says this match was 8 or 9 years ago so Monsoon’s overdub is from 1983-84. Ivan wins the game of strength with boots to the ribs. Both men trade blows and Bruno rams Ivan’s head into the buckle before whipping him into the other corner. Bruno stomps away on the Russian and stands on him as Ivan’s face tells the story. Ivan recovers to get a headlock in and he nails Bruno with a shoulderblock. Bruno counters with a back drop and knees to the back. A chinlock is applied before Bruno locks in the bearhug, Bruno’s finisher. We TAPE EDIT to Koloff still trapped in the bear hug. A thumb to the eye stops the momentum and Koloff bails to the outside. Monsoon is acting like Koloff is the champion even though he’s not. If this was 1975, Bruno is the champ. Hell, Bruno never had a rematch after Ivan took the title in 1971, Pedro Morales got the first crack and beat him. Ivan rams Bruno in the corner and chokes him with the boot. Koloff pounds on Bruno who’s busted wide open. The ref checks the wound and Koloff continues to pound away. The ref halts the bout and tells the ringside doctor to get in here and check. Yes, back then they had legitimate doctors at ringside to give the match legitimacy. The doc checks and Bruno says get the hell out the way. The doc leaves as Bruno gets fired up. He pounds away at Ivan before sending him out of the ring. We TAPE EDIT again and both men are in the center of the ring. They trade blows before the ref steps in and Ivan clocks him by accident. All of a sudden Tony Parisi and Dominic Denucci hit the ring to break up the fight as the bell rings. Monsoon himself, Blackjack Lanza, Blackjack Mulligan, Arnie Skaaland and a few others hit the ring as well to restrain the two. Bruno is declared the winner by DQ as Monsoon says Koloff keeps the title……Bruno was the champ, sorry Gorilla. After the decision is announced, the two break free and go at it again. Monsoon on commentary says he took a couple of shots in there too. Monsoon also says Arnie has blood all over his suit and he’s not happy about it. Wild brawl and the tape edits actually kept the action moving.  Old school wrestling may not look as crisp as choreographed, but at least it was presented as real. When was the last time a legit doctor was present at ringside?
Time of match: Joined in progress

Winner: Bruno Sammartino by DQ (still champion)
No BS, on to the next match.
Match 5

Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (with Lou Albano) vs Tito Santana for the WWF Intercontinental Championship

Commentators: Jack Reynolds and King Kong Mosca

Ask and you shall receive. I wondered in Best of the WWF Volume 5 if we’d ever see the Valentine/Santana title changes and here we are. September 24, 1984 broadcast of All-Star Wrestling had Santana the defending champion against the Hammer. Monsoon blows the ending of the match as Santana comes out in the red tights. Albano in the ring taunts him and Santana is distracted long enough for Valentine to sneak in a few cheap shots to Tito’s left leg. Tito hobbles around outside while Valentine in the black tights celebrates in the ring with Albano for the dastardly deed. Btw, Jack Reynolds was a veteran announcer and Mosca was an ex-football player turned wrestler. Hell, think Tony Schiavonne and Steve McMichael only less annoying. Santana hobbles inside amidst a “Tito!”chant as the bell rings. We TAPE EDIT right off the bat and now a sweaty Santana backs Valentine in the corner who begs off. Valentine catches Tito and goes to work on the left leg. Santana rallies with right hands as Mosca says Santana has heart. Valentine drops Santana and goes for the figure four but Tito kicks him. Mosca “This is the hour of power Jack! I’ve never seen anything more exciting in my life!” Ok, maybe I was wrong about the less annoying part. Anyway Valentine slugs Santana in the ropes and continues to work over the left leg. A “Tito!” chant breaks out as he catches Valentine with the Flying Forearm. He crawls over and makes the cover..1….2…3!!!! Noooooo…the bell rings but the ref waves it off. Valentine’s foot was outside the ring. Santana celebrates thinking he’s won but the ref says now. Valentine gets a knee to the back and Santana drops to the ground. Valentine covers and hooks the leg for 1…2….3 WE GOT A NEW CHAMPION!!! The fans are totally confused as Albano gets in the ring with the belt. Mosca cries foul as Albano and Valentine celebrate with the title. Santana rolls around in agony as Albano shows the belt to the referee with a big cigar in his mouth. Red Auerbach would approve of the victory cigar. The announcer gives the crowd the bad news as Valentine is the new champ. After the match, Valentine attacks Santana and applies the figure four. The ref doesn’t do anything to stop Greg and Santana screams in agony. Valentine releases the hold and leaves with the belt. The match was drastically edited for this tape’s purpose but the point was showing how Santana lost the belt which sets up the big grudge match later.

Time of match: clipped

Winner: Greg Valentine
Now we go to a vignette of Santana in a hospital bed saying he’s about to have surgery on the injured leg. All fine and dandy but he’s wearing sunglasses for some reason. Santana says he’s got torn cartilage and maybe a torn ligament and he’s about to go into surgery. A montage of Tito being prepped for surgery is shown to give some legitimacy to the angle. A doctor says he’s going to scope the knee as a telephone rings. Tito is wheeled into the operating room, prepped and put under. This was a very real procedure going on, they wouldn’t go through this much trouble if his leg was not seriously hurt. We cut to post-op where an out of it Santana says the surgery was a success. You can tell he had anesthesia because he talks softly and looks goofy. He stutters and says the cartilage tear was worse but its all taken care of. He says “you can bet your butt Greg Valentine that I will get better, and I will come after you, and payback will be hell. Arriba.” See how easy that was? Rather than come up with some stupid storyline that Greg wants Tito’s wife or he’s jealous that Tito was on TV, all he did was injure the guy and put him out of action. Fans garner sympathy for Santana while Valentine mocks him on TV any chance he gets which sets up the long awaited return bout…..which is next.

Match 6

Tito Santana vs Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (with Jimmy Hart) for the WWF Intercontinental Championship in a steel cage match

Commentator: Gorilla Monsoon
After almost a year, Santana gets his long awaited rematch for the title on July 6, 1985 in the Baltimore Civic Center and its in the obligatory cage match. Valentine has nowhere to hide and Jimmy Hart can’t save him. I already covered in a previous tape that Hart replaced Albano as Greg’s manager so no need to talk about it further. Valentine is in the black trunks and Santana in the red. Santana grabs Valentine and brings him in the ring the hard way as referee Dick Woehrle slams the cage door shut. Santana is fired up and Valentine paces around with nowhere to go. Valentine goes for a forearm but Santana rallies with right hands. Valentine recovers and goes for the door but Santana stops him. Santana rams Greg’s head into the buckle as Monsoon says the only ways to win are over the top or through the door, no pinfall or submission. Santana makes a break for it but Valentine catches him. Santana slugs away on Greg but Valentine drops him with a big forearm. Greg makes a break for it but Santana has him by the foot. Hart bellows into the megaphone but thankfully Monsoon’s overdub drowns him out. Valentine goes to ram Tito into the cage but Santana blocks it. On the other side of the ring, Santana blocks another ram job as Monsoon scoffs at Jimmy Hart. Valentine drops a hammer as Hart laughs maniacally. Greg goes to leave over the top but Santana stops him. Tito fires away at Greg’s left leg as both men climb up the cage. Monsoon says Tito has a handful of tights and we could get x-rated here. Luckily Greg’s tights stay up and Tito drops Valentine down with right hands. Valentine crotches Santana then puts the boots to him. Hammer delivers a shoulderbreaker as Hart laughs again. Greg calls for the door but a Santana lunge stops him at the last second. Santana does pull on the tights but the camera angle doesn’t show it thanfully. Santana goes for the door but Greg stops him. Greg pounds away on Santana and tries to go out only for Santana to drop him in the center of the ring. Greg drags Santana into the ring and goes for the figure four, but Tito kicks him off. Valentine unloads with right hands and sends Tito off the ropes where Santana ducks under the clothesline and waffles Valentine with the flying jalepeno as Heenan calls it. Somehow Greg gets to his feet first and he nails Santana with a back suplex. Monsoon praises Valentine’s discipline as Tito blocks Greg from leaving the cage. Greg picks up Santana and drives him backwards into the cage. Greg rams his head into the cage as the crowd chants for Santana. Valentine puts the boots to Tito then stuns him with a series of right hands. Greg tosses Santana head first into the cage then climbs the second rope. An elbow right between the eyes connects and Tito is busted wide open. Valentine goes to leave but Tito stops him just in time. Santana nails Valentine with a right hand and he flops. A big elbow drop floors Santana but a second figure four attempt is blocked. Tito kicks Valentine head first into the cage and staggers around. He climbs to the top rope and gets one foot out of the cage. Tito drops Valentine with a right hand and gets both feet over the top of the cage. Valentine goes for the door but Santana kicks it shut in Greg’s face. Santana drops to the floor and WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!!! Santana regains the title although Greg is not happy. Greg smashes the belt around the ring as Santana gets back in the ring. Valentine is pelted with garbage as he throws the belt into the cage and walks out disgusted. Santana picks the belt up and holds it up, its all busted up. This would lead to a new belt being made who’s design would last from 1985 to 1998. Ring announcer Mel Phillips announces Santana the new champion. Tito puts the belt on and stands tall in the ring. The only thing I have to squawk about is Santana had to wait nearly a year to get his revenge and even though he won the match, he got beat up for most of it. Instead of Greg getting his daylights beat in, Santana barely escaped with the match. Still, Tito got the belt back and wins the feud.

Time of match: 11:32

Winner: Tito Santana
Moving right to the next bout.
Match 7

Bruno Sammartino (with Arnold Skaaland) vs “Superstar” Billy Graham (with The Grand Wizard) for the WWWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentator: Gorilla Monsoon

No, this isn’t the match where Graham took the title. That was in April of 1977 in Baltimore. This was August 1, 1977 in Madison Square Garden. Bruno is in the green trunks and Graham is in the long black. Monsoon is the special guest referee and Monsoon on the overdub says he was 423 pounds here. Graham attacks Bruno before the bell rings and Monsoon pries him off.  The bell finally rings and Bruno goes to work on Graham with right hands. Bruno backdrops Billy and puts the boots to him. Billy begs off as Monsoon says Bruno looks in great shape here and he didn’t look great in Baltimore. Bruno rams Billy into the buckle then waffles him through the ropes and onto the floor. Monsoon on the overdub says he wasn’t going to count him out. Back inside Bruno puts the boots to him then stands on him. Graham begs off and Bruno continues to stomp away before landing an uppercut that drops the champion. Monsoon says Bruno was bench pressing over 500 pounds in the early 1960’s, no steroids, no suppliments. Monsoon brings up Ted Arcidi’s 705 bench press but I say Bruno’s is more impressive. Graham slides under the bottom rope, grabs Bruno’s foot and pulls him out. Graham chokes Bruno on the apron then grabs rope from under the ring. Graham slides in the ring but Monsoon notices and pounces on him. Bruno then takes the rope and strangles Graham with it and Monsoon subjectively makes Bruno cease and desist. Billy begs off but Bruno sends him into the corner. Billy reverses an irish whip but crashes knee first into the corner. Bruno goes to work on the left leg, ties it in the ropes and stomps it. Bruno caters to the crowd then continues to work over the leg, turning Graham into a half crab, We TAPE EDIT to when Graham makes the ropes. Bruno continues to work on the leg with leg twist as Monsoon motions he’s going to stop the match. Billy refuses to give it up and gets a thumb to the eye and a low blow that ref Monsoon missed but commentator Monsoon caught. Billy punches away at the ribs then goes up to the top rope. He badly misses a knee drop and Bruno shakes his head at him. Billy begs off but Bruno whips him into the corner. This time its Bruno who goes knee first into the corner. Graham boots him to the outside and he regroups with Skaaland. Bruno slides back in as Graham slides out to the other side to grab the championship belt. Monsoon tries to hold him back but he still clocks Bruno with it. Monsoon on commentary says he refused to DQ Graham because he wanted Bruno to win the title back. Bruno is now busted wide open as Graham works over the wound with fists. Bruno rallies with fists and a scoop slam. Bruno kicks him out of the ring and Graham says to heck with it. He goes to leave but Monsoon chases after, puts him in a fireman’s carry and throws him back in the ring. Bruno slugs away at the champ and rams him into the ringpost. Now Billy is busted open and Bruno sends him into another ring post, headfirst. Monsoon checks the blood on Billy’s head but Bruno goes apeshit on him. Rights, lefts, rights, whip into the ropes, BEARHUG! Monsoon goes to ring the bell and Graham punches HIM instead. Once again he refuses to DQ the champ because he wants Bruno to win clean. Monsoon wipes the blood off Graham’s head on his shirt as Bruno continues to slug away. Monsoon’s shirt is totally covered red at this point. All Bruno does is punch, punch, punch. Finally Monsoon calls for the bell as Graham falls to the mat. The ring announcer can’t get the mic to come down. The official decision was Monsoon said neither man could continue and declared it a draw. Complete bullshit as Bruno was on a roll but that was the best they could do to have Graham keep the title but not make Bruno look bad. We got to the replay where Monsoon carries Graham back to the ring and the crowd goes nuts. As a wrestling match, it totally sucked but as a pier six brawl it was awesome. Bruno was primarily a classic brawler but that’s what the fans wanted to see; a hard punching Italian laying waste to the marauding horde of infidels trying to take his title. Graham was no mat technician either but he bumped and sold everything Bruno hit him with.
Time of match: 13:05

Winner: No one, Draw
On to the final match of the tape…which looks familiar.
Match 8

“Mr Wonderful” Paul Orndorff and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (with Bob Orton) vs Mr T and Hulk Hogan (with Jimmy Snuka)

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura

That’s right it’s the main event of WRESTLEMANIA 1. We clip the intros for this tape’s purpose and Hogan and Orndorff start.Its well documented these 2 have a history in Tampa, Florida. Orndorff teases going at it before tagging Piper in. Mr T hops up and down saying let me have him so Hogan tags him in. Piper made it clear on his DVD compilation he never liked Mr. T so this feud was more personal than it was business. Piper hated Mr T, Orndorff and Hogan hated each other so this maybe an out and out shoot by the end. Piper and T staredown nose to nose before they exchange slaps to the face before hitting a go-behind takedown. T tries to sit-out/turn in but Piper maintains the ride. Mr T finally switches out of it as Orndorff fires up Piper in their corner. Mr T puts Piper into a fireman’s carry then drops him like yesterday’s newspaper (Monsoon’s words not mine). Piper backs T into his corner where Orndorff gets in then a melee ensues when all 4 men brawl into the corner. Muhammad Ali and Bob Orton get in the ring as Snuka goes upstairs. Ali throws a punch that sends Piper out of the ring then takes a swing at Orton who retreats to the ground. The heels regroup outside as the camera shows Billy Martin laughing his ass off at the proceedings. Piper motions that they’re outta here as Monsoon scoffs and the heels actually leave the area. Patterson counts up to 8 before Hogan stops him and motions for them to come back and the heels in fact do walk back to ringside. Piper and Paul get in the ring to attack Mr T and Hogan but the faces clean house. They hit a double noggin knocker on the heels before Hogan clotheslines Roddy in the corner. Hulk hits a knoggin knocker on Piper and Orndorff before hitting an atomic drop on the rowdy one. Piper and Hogan trade blows before Hulk makes the tag to Mr T then they hit a double clotheslines. T hits a scoop slam on Piper and an arm-drag on an interfering Orndorff. T hits another slam on Piper and headbutts Orndorff before ramming Piper’s head into Hogan’s knee. Make no mistake about it, in terms of physical condition Mr T has the physique that is better than half the WWF roster so had he went into wrestling, he couldn’t have been any worse than anybody the AWA put out in the late 80’s. Hogan rakes the eyes and big boots Piper over the top rope to the floor. Mr Wonderful interferes and clotheslines Hogan out of the ring so Piper grabs a chair and waffles the Hulkster with it. Muhammad Ali chases Piper back in the ring but Orndorff sneaks out and throws Hogan into the ring. Piper puts the boots to Hogan as Orndorff sneaks in a cheap shot of his own. Mr T interferes so Piper and Orndorff double team the Hulkster. Piper and Orndorff execute a double atomic drop on Hogan as Muhammad Ali gets in the ring to chase Piper out. Fans may not be pleased with Ali’s constant interference but from a kayfabe standpoint he’s supposed to be the enforcer and that’s exactly what he’s doing. Patterson has to beg Ali to get out as Orndorff works over Hulk. Orndorff hits a snap suplex as Ventura says he’s the x-factor of this match being the most technically gifted of all 4 men involved…..well 6 including Snuka and Orton outside. Piper tags in and hits windup punches then a knee lift for 1…2..nope, Hogan kicks out. Piper holds Hogan as Paul tags in and hits a forearm to the back of the neck…..One of the unwritten laws of wrestling is not to hit moves on the back of the neck because you’re more prone to actual injuries, but Orndorff would ROUTINELY do this to Hogan in their matches, pissing off the Hulkster legitimately in the process. Paul covers for a near-fall before hitting a nice backbreaker before going upstairs. Orndorff goes for another forearm off the top but misses. Hogan makes the hot tag to Mr T. T cleans house before Orndorff is able to take him down. Mr T and Orndorff go high school style as Mr T goes for a roll but Paul wizzers to make sure that doesn’t happen. Piper makes the tag then hits a front headlock on B.A. Barabus before T tags Hogan in.  Both heels interfere so Hogan hits a double noggin knocker on them then headlock punches Orndorff until Wonderful counters with a back suplex. Piper interferes but Patterson cuts him off so both Jimmy Snuka and Cowboy Bob get in the ring. Snuka hits a jumping headbutt that sends Orton over the top to the apron. Patterson is distracted by Snuka as Orndorff puts Hogan in a full nelson. Piper and Mr. T go at it as Patterson turns his attention to him as Orton goes upstairs. Orton comes off the top but Hogan moves and Ace catches Orndorff in the back of the head with the cast. Hogan covers as Snuka roughs up Orton and Patterson gets in position..1……2…..3….its overrrrrrrr!!!!  We clip to Hogan, T and Snuka leaving and the tape ends here.  Said it a million times, great match due to the high intensity.
Time of match: 13:21

Winners: Mr T and Hulk Hogan by pinfall

The credits roll and this one’s over. Before the tape ends we get previews for the next three tapes. We got BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 7 which highlights a British Bulldogs and Hart Foundation match. We also have VILLAINS OF THE SQUARED CIRCLE which highlights the classic heels of the company. The final tape highlighted is BRUNO SAMMARTINO: THE LIVING LEGEND which highlights Bruno of course. We’re shown a clip of Bruno and Killer Kowalski going at it. I can say right now that’s going to be a bad “wrestling” match but get ready for a bloody brawl when that comes up. As for this tape, that was certainly great grudge matches. Almost all of them were wild, bloody, full of mayhem and high intensity. It’s a shame as modern WWE prohibits blood, bad language and blows to the head to keep the kiddies happy…when old school wrestling like this had no bad language, skimpy bimbos or inappropriate storylines. Then again, WWE doesn’t claim to be wrestling, they’re “sports entertainment”. Yeah…right. Anyway mostly all the matches were good or watchable. I give it 4.5 out of 5, a half a point off because they had to clip Santana’s title loss to Valentine. Nit picking, yes, but still a valid point. I wanted to see the full match..dammit!  The next tape after this is RICKY THE DRAGON STEAMBOAT.

Rowdy Roddy Piper’s Greatest Hits (WF009)

ROWDY RODDY PIPER’S GREATEST HITS (WF009)

After BIGGEST, SMALLEST, STRANGEST, STRONGEST comes the profile tape of the one and only “Rowdy” Roddy Piper. A trend had started in World Class Championship Wrestling a few years prior of highlighting the heels as much as the babyfaces. The Fabulous Freebirds even got a legendary music video out of it. Over in the WWF, this would be the first time a major heel would get his own profile tape. After Hogan and Andre, the top bad guy was Roddy Piper and this would be highlighting his greatest hits I would imagine. Cue the 1985 opening montage before being welcomed by “Mean” Gene Okerlund who’s our host today. He brings up the 2 previous profile tapes (HULKAMANIA and ANDRE THE GIANT) and says this one’s different because he and Piper don’t get along (kayfabe). Gene complains about the title of this tape and runs him down. We are then shown a few still highlights of Piper before Gene sends us to our first Piper’s Pit.

Before I get started, talk shows in wrestling have been commonplace but the most prolific (and many consider to be the ONLY good one) was Piper’s Pit. There was Buddy’s Corner hosted by Buddy Rogers a few years earlier but other than Jimmy Snuka turning face, you had a general idea of what kind of a show it was. With Piper’s Pit you had no idea what was going to happen on the show. Would the babyface interviewed get beat up, would Piper get beat up, would he go nose to nose with a heel or support him, who knew? He was so entertaining on the mic that the show became a phenomenon and many tried to recreate it. There was Jake Roberts’ Snake Pit, Reo’s Roundup (Brother Love doing a Dusty Rhodes impersonation), Jerry Lawler’s King’s Court, Shawn Michaels’ Heartbreak Hotel, Dude Love’s Love Shack, Carlito’s Cabana, Chris Jericho’s Highlight Reel, Brutus Beefcake’s The Barber Shop, Edge’s The Cutting Edge, Christian’s The Peep Show, The Brother Love Show and on and on. Save for a few moments when Honky Tonk Man bashed Roberts in the head with a real guitar on Snake Pit and Shawn Michaels throwing Marty Jannetty through a window on The Barber Shop, nothing of real importance or excitement happened on these other shows. Meanwhile on Piper’s Pit, something new and exciting would happen every week. Our first one goes back to March 1984 with Piper interviewing Andre the Giant. Piper asks Andre where he comes from and Andre doesn’t answer. Piper asks if he speaks English and then asks very slowly where Andre comes from. Andre “Its none of your business.” Piper then apologizes and will try to ask easier questions then says Andre has a big body but teeny tiny brain. Piper asks Andre if John Studd slammed him and Andre answers “never”. Piper repeats the question and Andre fires back “Do you understand English or not, I already said no one time.” Piper gets heated and says he can slam Andre as the big guy gets up and grabs Piper by his shirt, lifting him off the ground. Piper tried to get his shirt off but Andre rips it off and throws him off the set before leaving. Piper goes beserk but the mic misses a portion of what he says. Piper then challenges Andre and says “YOU DO NOT THROW ROCKS AT A MAN WHO’S GOT A MACHINE GUN!” Mean Gene’s voiceover says after that incident, a confrontation would be inevitable and we’re sent to our first match.

 

Match 1

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper and “Dr D” David Schultz vs Andre The Giant and “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Pat Patterson

   March 20, 1984 in Madison Square Garden, a year and 11 days before Wrestlemania 1. The two top heels go after a formidable tag team to be honest. Why Andre and Snuka never got a run at Adonis/Murdoch or the Samoans I don’t know. Snuka and Schultz are in their normal gear while Piper dons the green tights and Andre in the red. We start out with Andre as Piper pats David and says go get em…hahahaha. A smiling Andre backs Schultz into the ropes and he begs off. After a TAPE EDIT, Piper tags in. Piper stalls to tease the crowd before tagging Schultz back in. David gets in a side headlock but gets sent off the ropes, Andre drops down and sticks his ass up. Schultz runs into it (like Muraco in BLOOPERS, BLEEPS AND BODYSLAMS) and crumples to the mat like he ran into a brick wall. Patterson jokes that Snuka is probably saying “What a great partner, I don’t have to do nothing.” Piper gets him on his feet and shouts more words of encouragement. Schultz then attacks Andre from behind and goes to work in the corner with punches and eye rakes. Piper screams for the tag and gets it before picking up where D left off. Piper throws more punches but Andre doesn’t sell any of them before delivering a big punch of his own that sends Piper flying backwards. Piper charges into the corner to throw more punches where another Andre punch sends him staggering into the ropes. Undaunted, Piper continues to unload in the corner before a giant headbutt spirals Piper into the corner where D tags back in. Schultz continues to attack in the corner with chops and axehandles but the big guy barely sells anything. Andre nails Schultz with a punch then whips David into the opposite corner. Andre charges and shoulderblocks his opponent in the corner. Andre goes for another shoulderblock but eats knee. David drops and elbow but the nonchalant cover gets 1. Dave goes for another elbow but Andre gets the boot up. Piper interferes and referee Dick Woehrle holds him back as Snuka gets in to chase him away. Unfortunately for Jimmy when Woehrle tells him to beat a hasty retreat, Piper slips on some brass knuckles and wallops the big guy. Schultz tags Piper back in who hides the knux and stomps away on the fallen giant. Andre is busted wide open as D tags in to continue the beating. Piper tags back in and he goes to work on the open wound.  The heels make frequent tags to pound on Andre as Monsoon goes nuts on commentary. We get a TAPE EDIT and now a group of EMT’s are tending to Andre on the ground. Is the match over? Nobody is saying a word even though Piper is sitting on the top turnbuckle with D next to him. Police offers and EMT’s get Andre to his feet and proceed to assist him to the back. Piper and D raise each other’s hands in victory but Snuka gets in and says he’ll take them both on to a huge pop from the crowd. Monsoon says it’s the referee’s decision and he circles the ring much to the crowd’s delight. Woehrle asks Piper if he’s down with that and he says yes. Piper and Snuka lock up and Roddy drops Jimmy with a shoulderblock. 2 leap frogs and a big dropkick by Snuka floors Piper. Snuka attacks Schultz in the corner and Piper as he comes over to complain. Jimmy chops Piper and unloads with right hands on the ground. Jimmy cuts off a charging Schultz then rams him into Piper. Snuka rams Piper’s head into the top turnbuckle. 2 jumping headbutts drop both the heels and  goes to inflict more damage on Schultz but Piper stops the momentum with an eye poke. Roddy delivers a headlocked punch as D finally makes it back to the apron. A TAPE EDIT now has Piper decking Snuka with a knee lift but Snuka powers out of the attempt. Schultz tags in to deliver a forearm to the fallen Snuka. A cover by Schultz gets a 2 count and Snuka begins to revive. The crowd pops as Andre lumbers back to ring sized all taped up like a mummy. Andre charges into the ring and rams D and Roddy’s heads together. A giant punch sends Roddy out of the ring and a giant boot drops D inside. The ref has lost complete control as Andre delivers another giant boot to the doctor. Piper climbs on the apron only to be chopped off by Snuka. Andre chops Schultz who ironically does the Andre tie up into the ropes. Andre goes to slingshot Jimmy into the heels but they bail to the back. Andre rumbles to the back to give chase as the bell rings. Howard Finkel gets on the mic and announces Piper and Schultz win by disqualification. Huh? Monsoon scoffs and Patterson tries to reason that Andre came back when he wasn’t supposed to. Either way some biker chicks in the front row nod in approval as Schultz and Piper get the duke. Now this would have been a big time main event on a pay per view but ppv wouldn’t be an option for another year and a half. Great drama in this one even if it wasn’t catch-as-catch can. The internet geeks can stick it because drama and emotion mean a hell of a lot more than triple frankensteiners into sunset flips. One last thing of note, for once WWF lagged behind WCW. The combination of Bob Orton, Roddy Piper, David Schultz and Paul Orndorff would tag together and go after the common enemy in Hulk Hogan. Doesn’t this sound similar to a certain group of 4 heels that didn’t like Dusty Rhodes a year later in Mid-Atlantic? Yup, WWF had their own 4 Horsemen with Piper playing the role of Ric Flair a year before Flair’s crew formed. Unfortunately Vince missed his chance to cash in on the first heel supergroup but that was good news for Crockett. What might have been huh?

 

Time of match: Joined in progress

Winners: Piper and Schultz by DQ

 

 Now for arguably the second most famous Piper’s Pit where he interviews preliminary jobber Frankie Williams. Piper asks here he’s from and Frankie answers Columbus, Ohio. Piper says he’s never lost a match there and asks if he’s ever lost a match. Frankie says “Yeah.” Piper claims he’s never lost a match his whole career and says he can’t comprehend losing because you lose your edge, then goes on to say Frankie is the opposite as he’s never seen the guy win a match. Piper says he lacks the guts, he’s a coward and he should be making pizzas but Frankie cuts him off in broken English saying he’s not a coward. Piper tries to calm him down but Frank has none of it and says he’s always inside the ring no matter what and he’s not afraid of anyone. Piper “Ya got no room for nobody but you’re a lousy wrestler, its as simple as that!” Frank “I may be a lousy wrestler but I’m still in there, I’m not afraid of nobody…ahhh!” At this point Piper gets up and knocks Williams out of his chair and to the ground. Piper hammers away as Vince McMahon scoffs on commentary. Piper beats him up and throws him off the set. He sticks his face in the camera “Just when they think they got the answers, I change the questions!”  Once again this shows that Piper’s Pit was must see tv because you had no idea what the crazy bastard would do next.

Now Gene sends us to one of the more famous segments that led to the first Wrestlemania. Gene talks over Vince wearing a hideous beige suit and Alfred in a 70’s tuxedo. We are shown backstage at War To Settle The Score and Piper is behind Mr. T. War to Settle The Score was the sequel to Brawl To End It All on MTV. While Brawl was Richter vs Moolah with Cindy Lauper involved, this was Hogan vs Piper in their first big time encounter. Piper creeps up behind Mr. T and says “I know its Mr. T because its written on the back of your chair and I’m assuming its there so you don’t get lost!” Mr T starts to rise and Piper continues “You guys portray bad guys on your show and I would know as I’m a bad guy in real life so how does it feel to be portraying guys like myself?” Mr T “Boy you ain’t nothing man.” Piper and T go back and forth arguing who’s real and who’s phony which is hilarious considering one’s a pro wrestler and the other is an actor. Not to say Piper’s not a tough guy as he’s a former golden gloves boxer but still. Mr T says Piper only fights wimps and Piper counters that the only wimp he knows is Dave Wolfe, Cindy Lauper’s manager. T complains that Piper beat up Lauper and Piper says he’s an equal opportunitist. He makes fun of T’s shaved head and Lauper’s dye job then says the children of America must be sick to look up to him. T snaps and gets in Piper’s face. T’s manager or bodyguard holds him back and Piper points a finger saying “Don’t you mess with me man!” We cut there and now we get to the actual match from War To Settle The Score.

 

Match 2

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper (with Bob Orton) vs Hulk Hogan (with Cindy Lauper, Dave Wolfe and Lou Albano) for the WWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Gene Okerlund

   The War To Settle The Score, February 18, 1985 in Madison Square Garden. The second of the big MTV wrestling shows following Brawl To End It All. Basically it was an hour and a half long special on MTV centered around this one match where everyone from wrestlers to media personalities alike weighed in on the match. The heels backed Piper while guys like Danny Devito, Dee Snyder of Twisted Sister and babyfaces backed the Hulkster. Roddy Piper makes his grand entrance with a bagpipe band and “Cowboy” Bob Orton in tow with his arm in a sling. After getting injured recently before this match, Orton would go on a long legendary angle where he’d wear a cast on his arm. Piper is wearing a Hulkamania shirt and carrying an electric guitar. Howard Finkel gives way to NBC sports announcer Bob Costas to announce Hogan’s entrance. Piper smashes the guitar and berates the already irate crowd. The crowd heaves garbage at him as he does the I Love You sign. For this VHS tape we get some generic stock music as Cindy Lauper, Dave Wolfe, Captain Lou and Hogan make their entrance, in the actual MTV broadcast it was Eye of the Tiger. No idea why Vince paid royalties for WRESTLEMANIA to use Eye of the Tiger but not this tape. Mr T himself is sitting at ringside and he psyches up Hulk before he gets in the ring. They tear their entrance gear off and trade blows in the center of the ring to begin. Hogan gets the upper hand with an eye rake but Piper tackles him and lands more punches to the head. Hogan then rolls on top to deliver his own series of punches. On their feet, 2 big right hands sends Piper into the corner. Hogan whips Piper into the opposite corner and delivers a back elbow smash. Piper flops down and begs off before getting caught in a scoop slam. Hogan follows another scoop slam with a running elbow drop. Okerlund names all the celebs at ringside as Hogan bites Piper in the head. Roddy reverses a whip and clotheslines Hulk in the corner. Piper makes the cover but referee Dick Woehrle takes forever to make the count so Roddy only gets two. Piper gets a running stomp to the head then follows with another. Piper goes for a cover but only gets 2 as Gene bitches about a choke that wasn’t there. Piper double chops Hogan in the throat which sends the Hulkster down. Piper sends Hulk off and catches him with the sleeper! Piper has it synched in as again Gene and Gorilla bitches about a chokehold. Hulk does the fade then revive routine and Hulks Up. Gene makes spaz noises as Hogan runs to the corner, ducks and rams Roddy’s head off the top turnbuckle. Piper attacks with an axehandle to the head and an eye rake. Roddy chokes Hogan on the top rope and when Woehrle pulls him off, Orton takes over from the outside. Hogan grabs Orton by the hair, grabs the injured arm and rams it off the steel ringpost. Piper turns around into a right hand and a series of left jabs. A big right hand decks Piper and he begs off. They trade eye rakes before Hogan nails Piper with a clothesline. “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff makes his appearance to take Orton’s place apparently. Hogan executes an atomic drop and another right hand. Hogan goes for another atomic drop but Piper counters with a forearm to the head that knocks Hogan into Woehrle. Dick is out cold and Piper takes advantage by holding Hogan down for Orndorff to jump off the top with a kneedrop. Piper and Orndorff stomp away at Hogan before Piper notices Lauper on the apron. Orndorff continues to attack, ignoring Piper trying to stop him.  Finally Hot Rod gets Orndorff’s attention and they slowly stalk Cindy. Piper knocks Cindy’s hat off as Mr T hops the railing to save the day. T gets Cindy out of there as Piper taunts him. Piper challenges him to step in the ring and he does. Gene “I don’t know his background as a wrestler” Monsoon “He doesn’t belong in there Gene”. Taken from the guy who put Muhammad Ali in an airplane spin, he’d know. T enters the ring but Orndorff grabs his foot from the outside allowing Piper to knock him down with a clothesline. Piper and Orndorff put the boots to Mr T as Hogan finally wakes up. The champ Hulks Up as Mr T gets to his feet and they chase Orndorff and Piper out of the ring. Orton returns and the 3 heels are restrained by NYC police officers from getting back in the ring. Pandemonium ensues as security guards and police officers alike  try to separate the two factions. The heels finally retreat as Hulk and T shake hands. Howard Finkel gets on the mic: “Ladies and gentleme….: Hogan cuts him off “PIPER! ORNDORFF! GET YOUR BUTTS BACK IN HERE!” Fink “Ladies and gentleman, the winner of this bout as a result of a disqualification, HULK HOGAN!” We cut the segment here, well that was interesting wasn’t it? Pretty much the first Wrestlemania began with this match. In the live event, the next 15-20 minutes centered around backstage interviews so for this tape, better to cut now. The match itself was high impact intensity just like the first one with very little mat wrestling.

 

Time of match: Never given

Winner: Hulk Hogan by DQ (still WWF champion)

 

Now for one of the best done Piper’s Pits of all time. Roddy Piper in a suit and tie is by himself on the set. He starts by ranting about how stupid Hogan, Albano, Lauper and Andre are and now he needs someone with intelligence. He then hypes up his guest as the greatest wrestler of all time and introduces….”Rowdy” Roddy Piper. Thanks to a great editing job, Piper will be interviewing himself. You can’t even tell its fake actually. Guest Piper is wearing his standard Hot Rod t-shirt and kilt. He sits down with his legs spread and luckily he’s wearing his blue wrestling tights underneath. He pushes his kilt down and says “Sorry grandma.” Host Piper  “It’s a pleasure to have you here.” Guest Piper “Especially the bathtub.” Host Piper asks if he’d ever thought he’d have this kind of success growing up and Guest Piper says of course. Host Piper asks if he had any idols or mentors growing up, Guest Piper answers Frank Zappa. He says he didn’t have any real idols or mentors because there’s nobody better than him at anything. Host Piper asks if he has any special diets and Guest Piper answers frog legs. Host Piper says he’s got a letter here from Hulk Hogan’s mom and Guest Piper says “Asking for money again?” Host “Dear Mr. Roddy Piper, please would you stop beating up my son. Spelled s-o-o-n. He wakes up in the morning screaming your name. Spelled n-a-m. Would you please leave my son alone as it makes him look very bad, him crying and holding on to my ankles. Being as he’s the world’s champion.” Guest Piper “Why didn’t Mrs Hogan teach her son the same kind of honesty that she has? She was walking down 42^nd street the other day with the rest of the bag ladies.” He also says Hogan has roots except for the front of his head where there are none. Host Piper asks if Guest Piper ever had any disappointments and Guest answers his dog got run over when he was 6 and sarcastically says “yeah that really hurt my career.” Other than that he says, he’s the cats ass. Yes, those were his words. Host Piper asks how he copes with all the women chasing him around and Guest Piper answers he’s got a 12 foot bullwhip and he uses it when they want to leave. “What does it say on my t-shirt? It doesn’t say Dumb-rod…it doesn’t say limp-rod…it says HOT Rod.” Host Piper asks if Guest Piper will do any feature films and Guest answers the morons in Hollywood are trying to keep him out. “When Eastwood shoots a gun, someone gets killed. When I shoot a gun, someone gets pregnant.” Edgy stuff for 1984-85 I must say. Ironic as he’d leave the business 2 years later to act in movies. Piper breaks the 4^th wall and talks to the audience saying they paid good money for this tape and they’re getting their money’s worth. Guest Piper says it pisses him off (again edgy for 85 standards) that other people are successful because of him. Guest Piper says if you’re having trouble getting your wife pregnant then get her a candlelit dinner, warm the bed up nice and then give him a call. Host Piper says its been a true pleasure but time’s up, Guest complains saying its his tape. Guest Piper says Host Piper is the only man he’d never fight as we cut there. Pretty revolutionary for the time period and it makes sense. Piper was booked as this complete asshole and the only one who could interview him was himself really. Nowadays when someone plays a heel, its carved into fans heads that he’s only playing a character. Back then fans really felt like Piper was a grade A quality dick, and business was better because of that.

Mean Gene takes us back to just before Wrestlemania where Piper and Orndorff are training for the big match at Mid-City Health Club For Men (name was changed later for political reasons to Mid-City Gym). Piper is in a full sweatsuit while Orndorff is in just workout shorts and sneakers, both are sitting against the wall with Orton in full cowboy mode standing by. Okerlund asks what they’re doing and Orton says they’re meditating. Okerlund gets down to ask Piper what he’s doing and Roddy just hisses at him. He goes to Orndorff next but he’s not moving either. Orton then wakes them up and they get mad at the sight of Okerlund. Orndorff says he has no business being there as Okerlund tries to save face by saying its his job. We cut to a different room where Orndorff is powerlifting a barbell. Okerlund tries to narrate but Piper tells him to get lost. Okerlund asks Orton to be the voice of reason (ironic) and Bob says its supposed to be a closed workout. Orton shills Orndorff’s lifting skills.  Gene says he’s impressed and Orndorff scoffs at him. Then he and Piper grab weight lifting belts and stalk Okerlund with them. Paul “We told you not to come”. Next we see Okerlund getting the heave-ho courtesy of Orton and Orndorff. A bystander tries to help Gene and he gets attacked by the two as Piper stands by laughing. A few bystanders laugh at the proceedings and one shouts “He’s a stuntman!” Gotta love how in New York fans knew it was part of the show, meanwhile in Louisiana the Midnight Express would get knives pulled on them if they were shooting something similar.

Now we fast-forward after Wrestlemania to a TNT segment where Orton and Piper visit the doctor. Yes of course I’m serious. Vince McMahon in a light pink suit with “Doc Stevens” as Piper and Orton enter. Piper is in full wrestling gear while Orton is dressed casual. I know this is just a set on a tv show but can you imagine in real life going to a legitimate doctor dressed like Piper is? Yes he’s got the t-shirt and kilt on, but still. Doctor Stevens looks at an x-ray of Orton’s original injury and says the bones didn’t break the skin when the compound fracture happened so they should be healed by now. Orton claims the arm still hurts while the doc looks at a brand new x-ray. He says the arm is completely healed as Piper leans in for a closer look. Piper “That ain’t his x-ray! Look at the length of the arm, his arm don’t look good like that.”  Vince then asks the doctor to check out Orton’s arm right here on the spot and Orton tries to protest. Orton lies down and Piper protests that “Why does he gotta lie down if you’re only checking his arm?” The doc wants to test some things and he hits the bottom of his elbow to test reflexes. Orton reacts too early and the doc is now convinced he’s fine. The doc says there’s nothing wrong with him as Piper starts quacking, causing Orton to laugh. Piper does it louder while the doc tries to talk which causes Vince to laugh himself. Once again proof that nobody takes anything seriously on the show. Vince tries to narrate the ending but everyone talks over each other M*A*S*H style. Now that was funny on Piper’s part.

We can’t have a greatest hits tape without the most famous Piper’s Pit segment could we? Of course it’s the one with Jimmy Snuka. Its basically the same clip from BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 1 so I’ll just re-post. We’re at the part where Piper tells Snuka to put the microphone in Jimmy’s little greasy paws. Piper then says he’s going to make Jimmy feel at home, he picks up a pineapple from a brown paper bag. My favorite line “This pineapple is like the women from the Fiji Islands, long busty hair on top, round on the bottom.” Piper then pulls out a bunch of bananas and taunts Snuka with them. Piper with coconuts: “Here we go….one coconuttttt….two coconuttttttt…four coconutttts, ya wanna be a big shot? Ya know what, the only thing I didn’t get. I didn’t get a tree for you to climb up and down like a monkey, like ya wanna do. You want to be a big shot, I’ll get you a tree next time!” He then throws a banana in Snuka’s face and finally Jimmy speaks, softly. “Are you making fun of me?” Piper: “Am I making fun of you? No sir! No Sir!” At this point Piper smashes a coconut over Snuka’s head that sends him sprawling into the cheap Piper’s Pit set, knocking it down. Piper grabs a banana, kicks the set off Snuka and begins rubbing it in his face. Piper gets another banana, spits at him, then rubs another one in his face. Piper then takes his belt off and whacks Snuka in the back as a little box in the corner with a smiling Piper is shown. This must be the TNT replay of the incident rather than the actual broadcast. Piper keeps whipping Snuka repeatedly and taunting him to get up. Finally Snuka gets to his feet, screams in rage and chases Piper behind a locked door. Snuka pounds on the door but can’t get it open as Tito Santana and 2 others pry him away.

Now we cut to the TNT program where Piper was watching himself beat up Snuka. Vince is wearing a beige suit, Piper his normal kilt/shirt and Alfred in a hideous beige 70’s tux. Vince says it was a disgusting display and Piper cuts him off and says “I’m the legend destroyer”. 20 years before his bodyguard’s son became the legend killer. McMahon bitches that Roddy never gave Snuka a chance to speak and Piper points to Alfred and says Snuka is a bumbling idiot that doesn’t say anything like Alfred here. Piper says Snuka was lucky he didn’t get beat up more and he destroyed the legend. “I don’t care what you say (points to Vince) and I don’t care what you say (points to Alfred).” Alfred softly chimes in “I say this man without dignity. He adds nothing to the program.” Piper gets steaming mad and slaps Alfred across the face before storming off the set. Shocking how Vince didn’t have Alfred manage Snuka for the inevitable match but a match was in store. Let’s get to it.

 

Match 3

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper vs “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka

Commentators: Gene Okerlund and Alfred Hays

 May 25, 1984 deep in the heart of St. Louis (idiot Okerlund says we’re in Minneapolis but we’re not) in the Kiel Auditorium saw these two battle it out. To add the venue, former St. Louis wrestling legend Lou Thesz would be the special guest referee. It was due to the NWA refusing to take the world title off of Thesz which spawned not only the WWWF (Vince Sr wanted Buddy Rogers as NWA champ) but the AWA as well as Verne Gagne wanted his turn with the NWA belt but never got it. In BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 1, Snuka vs Piper took place in August so this match on this tape predates that one. Snuka enters wearing a red robe but sheds it outside before entering, Piper removes his kilt to reveal the blue trunks. Thesz tries to keep them apart but Roddy attacks before the bell.  Piper punches him around the ring before ramming his head into the buckle. A right hand drops the Superfly before a double-chop to the ear disorients Jimmy, Piper gets in another right hand but Snuka rallies in the corner with kicks and a chop. Snuka chases Piper around the ring and he bails, much to the chagrin of the irate crowd. Roddy calls for timeout but Lou tells him to get back in. Back inside Snuka chops the Hot Rod until he begs off. He chokes him in the corner but when Thesz tries to pull him away, Piper gets in a knee to the gonads. Thesz threatens to disqualify Piper but the match continues. Roddy gets an inverted atomic drop then does the “I love you” sign to a chorus of boos. A knee lift drops Snuka and the cover only gets a 1. Piper complains about the count allowing Snuka to block a right hand and land one of his own. A chop and a right hand send Piper to the outside. This time Snuka follows only for Piper to grab a steel chair and nail him in the back. Thesz doesn’t DQ Piper and Hot Rod kicks away before getting back in the ring.  Piper continuously breaks up Lou’s attempt to count Snuka out so Thesz finally shoves Roddy away. Piper leans through the ropes and rams Jimmy’s head into the ring. Back inside a shoulder block drops Snuka but then Jimmy goes through his offense (2 leapfrogs and big chop) that sends Piper flying out of the ring. Snuka follows and rams Piper’s head into the ring bell. Jimmy grabs a chair and nails Piper in the head with it with no DQ called. Back inside Piper begs off but Snuka gets in a right hand and a jumping headbutt. Snuka goes for the running headbutt but Piper pulls Thesz in the way at the last second. Lou goes down but Snuka rallies with a chop and a backbreaker. Snuka goes up to the top rope and hits a flying crossbody. He goes back upstairs but Piper rolls on top of Lou. Piper rakes the eyes of Jimmy then takes Lou’s belt off. Roddy whips Snuka with the belt then chokes him with it until Thesz pries him off. Piper and Lou go nose to nose but Lou backs off, allowing Piper to clock him. Snuka grabs the belt and pelts Roddy with it with Thesz threatening to get a few shots in as well. Piper bails to the outside and heads for the hills. Thesz counts Roddy out and Snuka wins it. Fink announces Snuka the winner as Lou raises his hand in victory. Never thought I’d see Lou Thesz in a WWF ring but here he was. We go to the instant replay where Piper throws Thesz into Snuka’s running headbutt. Okerlund says “Piper pulling every bag out of his bag of tricks”….wow he’s worse than Alfred. Great, intense match with non-stop action actually.

 

Time of match: 6:53

Winner: Jimmy Snuka by count-out

 

Next we cut to a Roddy Piper promo where he’s holding a manila envelope. He says he’s going to read a letter, “Dear Mr Piper, I’m writing to ask your forgiveness for the actions of Jimmy Snuka. Please do not beat him up anymore as he’s a great man and he’s hurt. Sometimes he cries at night, I know, I can hear him. You see, he’s my dad. I love him very much, please don’t hurt him anymore.” He then crumples the letter and spits but Mean Gene cuts us off before Piper can finish the promo….what the hell? By the way, this was all a sham but if Jimmy’s 13 year old son really did write that letter, why didn’t the future Deuce beat the crap out of Piper whenever the legends were on Raw or Smackdown? Then again most younger fans would have been wondering why Deuce and Domino are beating up Piper and virtually none of them would have seen this segment.

Along the line, Piper “injured” Snuka and it opened the door for 19 year old Tonga Kid to get his first big push. Btw, Tonga Kid is the real life twin brother of Rikishi (although they are not identical) but he was billed as Snuka’s cousin. We go now to Piper’s Pit where Piper interviews the Kid and Roddy is wearing a t-shirt that says “Legend Killer” written on the back, he had Randy Orton beat by 20 years. Piper runs him down saying he’s wearing a “silly little skirt” and asks him why he’d wear one. Tonga lifts up Piper’s kilt and says “Well its obvious why you wear yours.” Oh snap! He cuts a promo saying just because Piper beat Jimmy doesn’t mean he can go through him. Piper counters saying he can and Tonga says “You broke Jimmy’s neck because you got lucky, why don’t you try and break my neck?” Tonga challenges him but Piper nonchalantly walks off as Tonga says he doesn’t impress anyone. The segment cuts here though and the match would be next. Before we go any further its time to play Six Degrees. After Piper was done with Snuka, he would face Tonga Kid. After he was done with him, he’d become number 1 heel by going after Cindy Lauper, Captain Lou, Mr T and Hogan. 2 years later he’d be in the movie Body Slam teaming WITH Tonga Kid while being managed by Dirk Bennedict, who played Faceman on A-Team which also starred Mr. T. Guess who was managing the heel tag team in the movie, Captain Lou Albano. Unrelated but The Barbarian/Headshrinker Sione and Teijho Khan (of Paul Jones’ Army fame) were the heel tag team in the movie. Funny how things work out in the wrestling business, let’s get to the match.

 

Match 4

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper vs The Tonga Kid (with Jimmy Snuka)

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and ???

    December 1, 1984 in the Philadelphia Spectrum saw Piper go it alone against Tonga (No Schultz, Orton or Orndorff…weird) . Snuka is wearing a yellow jumpsuit with Tonga Kid written on the back. Tonga himself is wearing zebra striped trunks and is barefoot. The bell rings and Piper charges quckly but goes knee first into the corner. They trade blows in the center of the ring before Tonga gets the advantage with a jumping headbutt. Jesus can’t he do something original? Its like watching a Jimmy Snuka match so far. Piper tries to bail but Tonga catches him and pulls him back in over the top rope by the hair. Monsoon’s color man keeps screaming wooooo like he’s Ric Flair the whole match. 2 headbutts and a right hand send Piper staggering into Snuka’s corner where he freezes, allowing Tonga to bring him back in. Piper begs off before getting a thumb to the eye. A right hand floors Tonga and Piper executes a backbreaker. The first cover of the match gets a long 2 count as Piper goes back to a right hand. Tonga inexplicably gets up and starts moonwalking before rallying with right hands. A side headlock attempt is thwarted by a Piper back suplex. Piper follows with a blatant choke and rakes him  off the top rope in front of Jimmy. Piper spits at Snuka  and nails Tonga with a right hand. A double chop to the ears stuns Tonga and Piper gets in a front headlock. A TAPE EDIT now shows Tonga powering out of it. Tonga gets a snap suplex on Piper and nails him in the ribs with a punch. Piper rams Tonga into the top turnbuckle and he no-sells it (just like his twin brother would do for 20 years). Tonga no sells it and moonwalks away. Piper tries to bail but Tonga catches him. More right hands follow that send Piper through the ropes and to the outside. Again, add in the leapfrogs and big chop and this is like watching a Snuka match. Piper pulls Tonga under the bottom rope as a popcorn vendor strolls by. Piper sends Tonga into the ring post and whacks him with a steel chair. Snuka comes over to investigate and Piper runs away. When Snuka turns his back Piper runs over and nails him. Piper tosses Tonga back inside but Snuka leaps over the top rope and stalks Piper. They trade blows as referee Joey Marella just stands there watching. All of a sudden Bob Orton Jr runs-in and evens the odds. Marella calls for the bell as a brawl ensues. Piper and Orton drop Tonga but Snuka rallies. Tonga revives and the babyfaces clean house, chasing Piper away. Ring announcer Mel Phillips (wearing an absolutely awful blue 70’s tuxedo) announces the match a draw. A high impact 5 minutes that set the tone for the next (and final) match on the tape. Tonga looked like a cheap Snuka knockoff here which is probably why he would be released shortly after this angle would complete. The word on the street was the big payoffs he was getting from working with Piper went to his 19 year old head and had to be fired to be taught a lesson in humility. Not sure if that’s true but it would make sense as he would resurface in 1987 as Tama the Islander, nowhere near the top of the card as he was in 1984.

 

Time of match: 5:12

Winner: No one (Double DQ)

 

Match 5

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper and “Cowboy” Bob Orton vs “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka and The Tonga Kid

Commentators: Gene Okerlund and Gorilla Monsoon.

  Madison Square Garden, December 28. 1984 exactly 4 weeks after the last match took place. The heels enter first with Snuka and Tonga in matching red samoan entrance gear following shortly after. The faces rush the ring and clear out not only Piper and Orton but Howard Finkel as well before he’s finished the introductions. Tonga’s in the pink tights as Jimmy’s not in his standard leopard print trunks but rather multicolored trunks. Piper’s in his standard blue with Orton in the red trunks. A brawl develops as the bell rings with the faces getting the upper hand. Tonga and Snuka whip Piper and Orton together. Orton goes down but Piper stays on his feet. A jumping headbutt by Jimmy floors Piper and Orton walks into a jumping headbutt by Tonga. Orton clears and Tonga gets in a wristlock on Piper (big improvement over the first match). Piper begs off as Tonga really synchs it in. Piper sends Tonga off who somersaults under a back elbow from Piper and catches him with a crossbody for 1..2….no. Tonga armdrags Piper and locks in the armbar before dropping a leg on him. Nice to see some actual wrestling ability in here. Snuka taunts Piper from the outside but Roddy overpowers Tonga and tags in Orton. Bob eats a few armdrags but nails the rookie with a right hand. Tonga reverses an irish whip and sends Orton off the corner where Cowboy runs into a powerslam. The cover only gets a one count as Snuka tags in. Jimmy goes to work on the left arm and shoulder as 2 big right hands from Orton do nothing, Snuka no-sells. A third right hand also does nothing as Snuka counters with a headbutt. Another arm ringer is synched in and Piper tries to short arm the tag only for Orton to make it to the corner, reluctantly putting Piper in the match. Piper wants no part of Snuka at first but then they trade punches in the center of the ring. Snuka gets in a chop and a headbutt that decks Piper and a rushing Orton gets scoop slammed for his interference. Snuka one arm slams Piper then drops a fist on him. Piper begs off and tries to escape but Snuka brings him back in. Snuka gets in a right hand but Piper goes to the stooges eye poke to stop the momentum. Roddy staggers over and makes the tag to Orton. Bob gets a few elbows to the back of the head in his slow, methodical style. A bolo punch is followed by a scoop slam. Orton goes to the top rope to attempt a Vader bomb but Snuka gets the knees up in time. Orton makes the tag to Piper as Tonga gets the hot tag as well. Tonga rallies with right hands and a headbutt before finishing with a savate kick (finally something new). Piper begs off but shoulderblocks Tonga into his corner where he and Orton doubleteam the kid. Orton tags in and baits Snuka, allowing for Piper to choke Tonga in the corner with the tag rope.  Orton lands a right hand then tags in Piper where they execute a double clothesline. Piper taunts Snuka before faking a tag to allow Orton to come off the top with a forearm to the back. Orton measures him for an elbow to the face…wham!  Piper makes the tag and applies a hammerlock. The heels make frequent tags to unload on the left arm of Tonga. The crowd starts heaving garbage at the ring with Piper and Orton continuing to work over the left arm. Finally Tonga nearly breaks free but Orton cuts off his partner when he nails Snuka off the apron. Piper drops Tonga with a thrust to the throat and covers 1,,2,,,no, the arrogant cover gets 2. Piper goes to the rear chinlock as Okerlund and Monsoon overhype Tonga as totally improved since he first started a year earlier. Monsoon says he’s done it all in the last 10 months….even though he’s yet to win a single title belt. Compare that to Diesel who won the IC, Tag and World title within a 6 month period from May-November 1994. Tonga begins to power out of it as a marquee reads “Ice Capades”. Monsoon “Piper almost terminated the career of Snuka, I want to see him get his upcoming.” Okerlund “Comeuppance” Monsoon “Whatever.” Piper rams Tonga into Orton’s elbow then chops him in the throat again. Orton tags in, Piper holds Tonga and Bob comes off the top with a forearm to the face. Orton taunts Snuka but runs into a sunset flip for 1..2…NOOO. Orton quickly targets the forehead of Tonga with right hands, Orton rams the back of Tonga’s head into the mat and covers for a deuce when Snuka interferes and breaks up the count. Piper phantom tags himself in only for Tonga to counter a backdrop attempt by kicking Roddy in the face. Tonga stumbles into the wrong corner where Orton cuts him off. Tonga rallies with right hands, slips under the legs of Orton and gets the hot tag to Snuka. Jimmy cleans house with a double noggin knocker and big chops. Snuka fends off both Piper and Orton but shoves the referee as well. Snuka sends Orton upside down in the corner and makes the cover. Tonga intercepts Piper 1…..2..nope. For some reason the referee abandoned the count when Tonga interfered. All four men go at it as Piper shoves down the ref this time. Piper backdrops Tonga over the top and out as Orton goes for the superplex. Piper catches a breather on the second rope as Snuka headbutts Orton off. Snuka catches Bob with a crossbody for 1…2..nope, Piper breaks up the count. Orton and Piper throw Snuka over the top rope as Tonga takes his place. The referee is like a deer caught in the headlights, doesn’t know what to do. Orton goes upstairs but Snuka shoves him off into Piper. The faces run into each other outside the ring and Superfly goes into beast mode. Another brawl develops in the ring and Snuka tosses him down. He signals for the bell and this one’s over. Snuka cleans house of the heels and the tape ends right then and there. Kind of a crappy tag match but again, this was to showcase Piper’s crew and it served its purpose.

 

Time of match: 15:14

Winners: No one (Double DQ)

  The credits roll and we’re done with this one. Time for the previews: BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 4, THE AMAZING MANAGERS and WRESTLING’S COUNTRY BOYS. What a revolutionary tape. Sure the Fabulous Freebirds were the first cool heels but Piper had Ric Flair beat by a solid year as top heel in wrestling. His Piper’s Pits were legendary and he refused to job to anyone, making him just as big of an egomaniac as Hogan. Still, for a tape that’s titled GREATEST HITS, it delivered. Piper was entertaining in nearly everything he did and Vince McMahon was a few marketing ideas away from creating the first 4 Horsemen in Piper, Schultz, Orndorff and Orton. Still, I give this tape 4.5 stars out of 5 and the .5 comes from the fact the matches are rather low quality. Important matches yes but not the best in ring work I’ve seen from the time period. This is a must see for every wrestling fan to show how over heels could and should be without looking like clowns. The next tape after this is BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 3 so pick that one up next.

Wrestlemania 1 (WF004)

WRESTLEMANIA 1 (WF004)

After BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 1 came the first WRESTLEMANIA. There’s a lot of backstory that went into the making of it and I’ll try to do the best I can to piece it all together. It started when Vince McMahon Jr purchased Georgia Championship Wrestling from Jim Barnett in May of 1984. GCW had been broadcast on Ted Turner owned TBS “The Superstation” for a decade and it featured classic NWA wrestling. In what would later be called “Black Saturday”, on July 14, 1984 Vince McMahon appeared on Georgia Championship and switched the programming from NWA wrestling to re-runs of WWF matches. The predominantly southern fans revolted as the difference in product between the NWA and WWF was severe. Instead of classic wrestling they got cartoon wrestling. The ratings hit the toilet almost immediately and Turner was pissed. To get back at Vince, Ted allowed a half hour timeslot for Ole Anderson’s Championship Wrestling From Georgia featuring anyone that refused to go to the WWF when first bought (among those were Jake Roberts, Gordon Solie and Ted Dibiase). Vince was pissed and felt that only he should be allowed on the Superstation. Turner told him to improve the ratings or get lost. Vince then sold his timeslot to Jim Crockett Promotions for a huge chunk of cash. What did he do with that cash? That’s the second part of the story. While all this was going on, in his own company, Hulkamania was running wild. Hulk Hogan was a huge ratings draw wherever he was booked and was starting to get national attention. Something was missing though, Vince knew if he wanted to hit the big time, he needed to be in the mainstream. That’s when a lucky plane ride changed the course of wrestling history. Captain Lou Albano just happened to be on the same plane as rock star Cindy Lauper and the two struck up a friendship. Cindy then asked Lou to play the role of her father on her world famous video “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”. Soon after Cindy began popping up at WWF events which led to MTV taking notice. In what would become the “Rock N Wrestling Connection” 9 days after Vince started airing his crap on GCW, MTV aired “Brawl To End It All” which launched WWF into the national spotlight. This was followed up by “War To Settle The Score” which featured Hulk Hogan taking on top heel “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (who was stolen from the NWA a year prior). Now with the mainstream attention and a huge chunk of change from the GCW sale, Vince needed a home run show. Supercards were nothing new, Starrcade 83 had been the most successful for the NWA. Vince knew he needed something bigger. Something that would revolutionize the wrestling business and how supercards should be run. TV tough guy Mr. T had befriended Hulk Hogan and Vince decided to run a supercard featuring a tag match featuring his top heels (Piper and Paul Orndorff) and Hogan/T. He had the venue set for Madison Square Garden and he had the finance, he just needed a name. Howard Finkel…yes, The Fink himself suggested “Wrestlemania” and Vince ran with it. Shown on closed-circuit television, Wrestlemania 1, the first of what would become the pinnacle of wrestling events was held on March 31, 1985 and it featured the biggest showdown of the year with television superstar Mr T along with WWF Champion Hulk Hogan taking on the biggest heel in not only the WWF but in wrestling as well “Rowdy” Roddy Piper and “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff. I’m not kidding about the heel line, even though Flair was a heel as a part of The Horsemen he was loved in his role and over in the AWA did anyone give a damn about Stan Hansen? Piper was definately the number 1 heel in wrestling at this point so to see him get his possible comeuppance from the Hulkster was something everyone wanted to see.  Also included was the famous 15,000 dollar slam match where if Andre slammed Big John Studd he’d win 15 grand but if Studd won Andre would retire. Plus we get a tag team title match between the original Un-Americans Nikolai Volkoff and Iron Sheik against the US Express Barry Whindam and Mike Rotundo. This event started it all so let’s get right down to it. Vince McMahon’s voice appears and runs down the card before we get sent to Monsoon, Ventura and Gene Okerlund who sings the national anthem (ugh).

MARCH 31, 1985

MADISON SQUARE GARDEN

NEW YORK, NY

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura
Match 1

Tito Santana vs The Executioner

You know…..I think its really dumb they had to hide “Playboy” Buddy Rose (The Executioner) like this, but since this was a one time appearance I guess it was justified. I still get a kick how Mean Gene Okerlund would interview both participants in the matches mere seconds after the other departed the screen…and this was back when kayfabe was still a big deal. Executioner (who clearly looks and sounds like Buddy Rose) says he’s gonna go after Santana’s leg while Tito says he’s gonna win….arriba! Bells gone and they run the ropes adjacent from each other before Santana hits a backdrop and a dropkick on The Executioner who falls through the ropes to the outside. Ventura “Woodstock was to rock n roll what Wrestlemania is to wrestling” well put. Back inside Santana hits a headlock who walks up the rope and turns it into a headlock takeover. Executioner and Santana trade blows before Executioner takes over in the corner and hits a knee to the solar plexus. Executioner goes for a figure four but Santana blocks it, then he goes for a step over toe wrench which Santana counters into a cradle for a near fall. Santana fires away in the corner and goes for a piledriver, but Executioner counters with a back drop. He hits a bodyslam and goes upstairs but Santana catches him with a slam off the top. Santana goes for a big splash but Executioner gets the knees up just in time, then he works over the left leg on the second rope before Tito kicks him over the top rope into the time-keeper’s table. Tito hits a power slam from the apron to the ring and hits the flying forearm out of nowhere. Tito drags him to the center of the ring and locks in the figure four as Executioner submits quickly though the time keeper’s asleep and takes forever to ring the bell. Howard Finkel gets in the ring with the official word as Santana takes the first match in Wrestlemania history.

Time of Match: 4:40

Winner: Tito Santana by submission
Alfred Hays in the aisle way shills the upcoming Bundy/Jones showdown who sends it to Okerlund who interviews Jones first. SD “I’m gonna get down with the biggest man in town” and 5 seconds after Jones leaves in walks Bundy and Hart…..like I said earlier, this was back when kayfabe was a real big deal so we’re supposed to believe Bundy let him stand there and say all this stuff? Bundy says he’s gonna avalanche the poor guy and get the 5 count. Back to ringside….

Match 2

King Kong Bundy (with Jimmy Hart) vs SD Jones

SD Jones was your basic mid-card face at the time while Bundy was a rising monster heel, fresh from being a member of the Legion of Doom in the NWA. Jones runs into Bundy at the bell and Kong catches him in a bearhug then rams him into the corner. Jones crumples to the floor then gets up as Bundy hits the avalanche followed by the big splash for 1…2….3 and its over just like that. Monsoon and Ventura can’t believe it as Howard Finkel gets on the mic. “Time of the fall….9 SECONDS…your winner King Kong Bundy” Um, what? I specifically counted 23 seconds (which Monsoon ironically says is the previous record) so this was all just hooplah to get Bundy over as Hogan’s future opponent.

Time of match: 23 seconds

Winner: King Kong Bundy by pinfall

Back to Alfred Hays who shills the upcoming match as Bundy makes his way back to the locker room. Mean Gene interviews Borne first and he says Steamboat’s too nice of a guy and he’s gonna beat him up then Ricky comes in and scoffs at Borne for basically calling him a wuss and says he’s gonna take him out.

Match 3

“Maniac” Matt Borne vs Ricky Steamboat

This could be the sleeper as match of the night because Borne was more talented than he looked (and this was 8 years before he became Doink the Clown) and we all know how great Steamboat was. Borne was competing in tboth Portland and Mid-South when he was brought in for the match. Ventura hypes Matt’s father “Tough” Tony Borne who wrestled many moons ago including an encounter with Gorilla himself. They tie up to start before Steamboat leapfrogs over Borne and goes for the double chop but Matt catches himself, then runs into the double chop anyway. Steamboat hits a snap mare and a headlock as Monsoon hypes up him and Jimmy Snuka as possible tag team title contenders. Steamboat rolls through an atomic drop attempt and hits one of his own, then mocks Borne’s selling of the maneuver. Steamboat goes back to the side headlock before Borne hits an inverted atomic drop and a knee lift. Borne fires away in the corner but Steamboat hits a boot to the head (yeah yeah!) and a chop from the second rope. Steamboat hits another double karate chop as the announcers shill Ricky’s physique and Borne’s intelligence. Borne backs Ricky in the corner and hits a series of knee’s to the mid-section followed by a BtB suplex. Matt hits a snap suplex and covers for 1..2…nope, they trade blows in the ring before Steamboat gets the upper hand with karate chops. Steamboat hits a back suplex, a reverse neckbreaker and 2 knee drops for a cover of 1..2…nope. Steaboat leapfrogs over Borne and hits some sort of double punch to the face, then he goes upstairs and hits the FLYING CROSSBODY for 1…2….three and we have a winner. Short and sweet….so much for my match of the night prediction.

Time of match: 4:38

Winner: Ricky Steamboat by pinfall

Back to Alfred Hays who hypes up the upcoming Sammartino/Beefcake showdown before sending it over to Okerlund with the pre-match interview. David says he and his dad have been training hard and he’s gonna avenge Hillbilly Jim by taking Beefcake out before Bruno says if Johnny V interferes he’s gonna knock him out.  Beefcake and Johnny enter WHILE DAVID IS STILL ON SCREEN….are u kidding me, Verne Gagne would have a heart attack if he saw this going on in the AWA. Anyway Johnny V cuts a funny promo that’s too fast to be mentioned here so let’s go back to ringside. Its funny how Johnny Valiant became a manager for WWF while brother Jimmy was still competing for Crockett at this time.
Match 4

Brutus Beefcake (with Johnny Valiant) vs David Sammartino (with Bruno Sammartino)

Poor David, the old man’s shoes were too big to fill and even when matched up against a stiff like Beefcake, he STILL gets laughed at. There’s no referee in the ring so they stall for a while as Monsoon and Ventura discuss the possibility of Beefcake being “Luscious” Johnny Valiant’s son. They exchange tie-ups after the bell before David hits a drop-toe hold as the camera pans to Bruno outside. They exchange go-behinds and takedowns before Brutus slides under the ring and regroups with Valiant. Back inside David hits a series of old school takedowns and goes to the front headlock, a Sammartino trademark. Beefcake threatens to pound the ref before David counters a scoop slam with an arm-bar. David drops a leg on the left shoulder before Beefcake gets up and hits a high school style headlock for 1…2..nope. Brutus hits a shoulder-block and an arm=drag but Sammartino nips up and catches Beefcake with a double toe-hold. Beefcake powers out of it but David catches the leg and applies a step-over. Brutus counters a figure four attempt but Sammartino continues with the leg lock as Beefcake doesn’t even sell it….seriously, he adjusts his arm pads and barely looks like he’s in pain. Beefcake gets a thumb to the eye and hits a backdrop before hitting a series of forearms to the sternum. Beefcake hits a scoop slam and goes back on offense with elbows in the corner. Beefcake hits a hard irish whip into the corner, poses, then hits a series of knees to the mid-section. Bruno gets the crowd to chant for David as Beefcake runs straight into a back body-drop. Sammartino rallies with clubbing right hands and jabs before hitting a weak looking boot to the mid-section. David hits a big knee to the head and a snap suplex then covers for 1…2..negative. Beefcake throws David out of the ring where Valiant pounces and slams him on the concrete floor…causing the old man to toss Valiant in the ring for an ass kicking. Bruno waffles Johnny with a series of forearms before Beefcake pounds away to stop the momentum. David comes over and all 4 men go at it as the ref calls for the bell before the Sammartino’s clean house. The crowd erupts but then boos when Finkel announces the match is a draw. The first and last appearance of David Sammartino on any major WWF event as Beefcake was just getting started.

Time of match: 11:40

Winner: No one…double DQ

Back to Alfred Hays who shills the upcoming IC title match before sending it over to Gene Okerlund for the pre-match interviews. Valentine says he’s the master of the figure four and he’s gonna hammer JYD before Dog comes in and says he’s going to get his hands on Jimmy Hart. Back to ringside with Gorilla and Jesse.

Match 5

Junkyard Dog vs Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (with Jimmy Hart) for the WWF Intercontinental Championship

JYD, one of the most popular black athletes in wrestling history gets a title shot here. JYD had come over from Mid-South wrestling (damn near crippling the promotion as he was the top star) for this one. Valentine enters first as Another One Bites The Dust hits and JYD enters. I should point out JYD is the first person to use entrance music as everyone else to this point didn’t have any. They fake hitting each other as JYD jukes and jives to the crowd’s delight before hitting an arm twister. Valentine whips JYD off but Dog catches the foot then catches Greg with a right hand. Valentine hits a knee and an elbow but misses a forearm so JYD hits his trademark headbutts on the ground before the camera pans to the Garden crowd. Monsoon says Hart is now the manager of Jim Niedhart, Bundy and Valentine before Valentine goes back on offense. Greg hits a forearm to the back of the neck and an elbow drop to the mid-section before going over the right leg of JYD. Valentine goes for a half-crab and stretches the knee as the crowd begins to roar for JYD. Valentine hits a headbutt to the midsection but JYD counters the figure four attempt and sells the injury well. Valentine works him over in the corner before Dog rallies with right hands and headbutts as Valentine does the flop. Jimmy Hart gets on the apron and Dog grabs him but moves out of the way causing Valentine
to hammer Jimmy to the floor. Dog backs Valentine in the corner with forearm and a headbutt before Valentine rake the eyes and scoops the legs with his feet on the rope for 1…2…3 and Valentine wins it. All of a sudden Tito Santana hits the ring and tells the ref Valentine had his foot on the rope. All of a sudden the ref calls for the match to continue making him the smartest ref in the history of wrestling up to this point, but Valentine wants no part of it and stays out of the ring. Dog wins by count-out but the title does not change hands on a count-out so The Hammer is still the champ. Santana and Dog taunt Valentine in the ring as Greg teases getting in to fight them before walks to the back. That was supposed to be a 1 hour time limit and it didn’t even go 7 minutes…..the next 4 matches better be long because this is crash style so far.

Time of match: 6:53

Winner:  Junkyard Dog by count-out (Valentine retains the title)

Back to Hays who shills the upcoming tag team title match before sending it over to Okerlund for the pre-match interviews. Sheik says down with America while my favorite manager of all time Blassie says we’re looking at the next champions. Gene “Ok commie…er comrade” Volkoff “I came, I saw, I conquer” Albano walks in with a beer in his hand and says the Express is gonna win, now THAT’S confidence.

Match 6

The Un-Americanz (Nikolai Volkoff and Iron Sheik) with Freddie Blassie vs The US Express (Barry Windham and Mike Rotundo) with Captain Lou Albano for the WWF Tag Team Championship

The men who would become IRS and The Stalker (father and uncle of a Wyatt family member too) take on Sheik and Volkoff here. The Express had beaten the North/South Connection (Adrian Adonis and Dick Murdoch) for the belts two months prior. Before the match Nikolai does his pre-match ritual by singing the Soviet National Anthem as the Garden crowd heaves garbage in the ring. Sheik “RUSSIA NUMBA VUN….IRAN NUMBA VUN…AMERICA HACK PATOIE!” Born in the USA by Bruce “The Boss” Springstein hits and the Express make their entrance. With 3 out of the 4 wrestlers in their prime, this could be the sleeper that Borne/Steamboat wasn’t. Rotundo starts off with Sheik as Ventura says you’ll see bad world series and superbowls but not Wrestlemania….yah wait until Wrestlemania 11. Rotundo hits an armdrag, dropkick, a scoop slam and a headlock takedown as Ventura shills. Windham makes the tag and hits an elbow from off the top rope then hits a boot to the mid-section. Sheik backs Barry back in the corner and Volkoff holds, but Windham escapes and Sheik dropicks Volkoff instead. Volkoff tags in and the camera shows an instant replay of the dropkick before going back to live action where Rotundo hits a back elbow smash. IRS…er Mike locks in an arm-bar then tags in Windham who once again comes off the top onto the elbow. Rotundo follows with the same elbow drop before Nikolai takes over and rams Rotundo’s head into Sheik’s legendary loaded boot. Sheik backdrops Rotundo and hits an elbow drop for 1…2…nope, near fall. Iron Sheik executes a gut-wrench suplex and covers for a deuce before Rotundo blocks a snap suplex and hits one of his own. Nikolai tags in and drops him throat first on the top rope as Blassie shouts “Kick em!” Rotundo switches out of a hammerlock as the crowd gets a USA chant going. Mike hits a sunset flip for 1..2…noooo, Volkoff quickly gets up and puts the boots to him. Volkoff hits a knee to the mid-section and boots before ramming Mike’s head once again into Sheik’s boot. The heels double team Rotundo before Sheik applies an abdominal stretch as the camera pans to Blassie and Albano trading invectives. Rotundo escapes and Volkoff tags in but Mike finally makes it to Windham, who fires away at Nikolai with fists and a dropkick. Windham hits the bulldog and covers for 1..2…nope, Sheik cuts him off. Rotundo gets in and dropkicks Sheik to the floor but Blassie sneaks the cane into Sheik’s hands. The ref is distracted by Rotundo as Sheik breaks the cane over the back of Windham who crumbles to the floor. Nikolai rolls him over and covers for 1….2…3 and we got new tag team champions. Iron Sheik becomes the first superstar since Bob Backlund to be both World champion and Tag champion in their careers. I should point out the Express left the company not long after this and Windham wouldn’t compete in another Wrestlemania for 12 more years while Rotundo resurfaced 7 years later as I.R.S.

Time of match: 6:51

Winners: The Un-Americanz by pinfall (New Tag Team Champions)

Mean Gene interviews the new champs and scoffs at Blassie for using the cane. Freddie “Cane? What cane? I didn’t have no cane!” Sheik says Gene Mean and spits at the US again as Okerlund sends it back to Monsoon and Ventura who goes over what we just saw. Back to Alfred Hays who shills the upcoming $15,000 slam match who sends it back to Okerlund for the pre-match interviews. Studd and Heenan enter with the duffel bag of money and its funny to see Okerlund try to stick his hand in as Heenan swats it away. Heenan “There’s only 2 people that are gonna see this money, me and Studd….make it 3, the teller at the bank when we deposit the money.” The next segment is shilling Wrestlemania merchandise which makes no sense because the announcer dude says “pick it up in the corridors” which is an insinuation people watching this commercial is at the Garden? Whatever….on to the match.

Match 7

Andre the Giant vs Big John Studd (with Bobby Heenan) in a $15,000 Slam Match

Ok, the rules are simple…..if Andre bodyslams Studd he wins 15 grand but if Studd slams Andre then say goodbye to the Giant. Studd attacks Andre in the corner as the bell rings before Andre rallies with chop and a big headbutt. Andre boots Studd to the outside of the ring and John regroups with Heenan, back inside Andre taunts Studd until backing him into the corner. Andre chokes Studd in the corner and Ventura asks where the ref is, but this isn’t a standard wrestling match so there are no DQ’s to speak of. Andre hits a knee to the head and big hamhock to the head before executing avalanches in the corner. Studd goes for a bodyslam but Andre blocks it then chops away at Studd before hitting a bearhug. The fants chats for Andre to slam as Ventura says “25,000 strong chanting”…..thought the building only held about 17,000 but nevertheless it is a sell out. The bearhug spot is worked for 2 full minutes before letting go and hitting a forearm to the back as Ventura says this could be the last time we could be seeing Andre. Andre hits a headlock and hits another hamhock to the mid-section as the crowd erupts. Andre whips Studd off and catches the foot, then hits another right hand to the face. Andre blocks a back elbow smash before chopping John in the corner. Andre kicks away at Studd’s leg and I’ll let Monsoon handle this one. “Andre now going to work on the leg, LOOK AT THIS…ANDRE PICKS EM UP…HE SLAMMED HIM!!!” This one’s over and Andre wins the match as the crowd erupts again as Finkel hands Andre the bag of money. Andre begins throwing money into the crowd before Heenan sneaks up, steals the bag then runs to the back with Studd. Ventura “They don’t call him The Brain for nothin Gino!” Andre poses in the ring and his career will resume….for a few more years anyway. I look at this match not for the catch-as-catch-can but for the drama and the storyline because in 1985, 15 grand or retire was a big deal so this match certainly was legendary. Screw the ROH smarks and spotfest lovers.

Time of match: 5:52

Winner: Andre the Giant

Back to Okerlund who interviews Andre who says in his booming voice that he doesn’t care about the money and tries cutting a promo but is cut off as we send it back to Monsoon and Ventura. The man just saved his career, let him speak dammit! We send it back to Alfred Hays who tries to shill the upcoming women’s match but is cut off by Moolah who kisses him on the lips. Alfred “Good gracious!” then Leilani kisses him before he finally sends it to Mean Gene. Okerlund interviews Lauper and Richter then Cyndi in her thick Brooklyn accent she’s gonna get her hands on Moolah. Richter says she’s gonna get her belt back as the camera cuts off allowing Moolah and Leilani to enter….why couldn’t they have done that all night to make it look like they weren’t standing next to each other. Moolah is wearing flamboyant glasses and Okerlund says don’t tell Ventura about them so he doesn’t get any ideas. Back to ringside for the match…..
Match 8

Wendi Richter (with Cyndi Lauper and David Wolfe) vs Leilani Kai (with Fabulous Moolah) for the WWF Womens Championship

Ironically this match was more hyped up than the previous 7 (Andre included) because of the involvement of Lauper on MTV. Richter had originally dethroned Moolah and Moolah trained Leilani to get the belt back, which she did. Richter, Wolfe and Lauper come running out to Girls Just Wanna Have Fun as the crowd goes crazy for the trio. Cyndi gets in Leilani’s face before the bell and Kai motions that she’s crazy, haha good one. I don’t know whether it was because I was a weird kid or not but when I first saw this match I thought Leilani was much more gorgeous than Wendi but Richter was the better wrestler. Monsoon says Cyndi stole her outfit out of Ventura’s dresser as we get underway with the big title match. They tie up and roll around the ropes before Leilani backs Wendi in the corner. Wendi punches Leilani halfway across the ring then hits an armdrag but Leilani nips Richter off her. Kai hits an armdrag but Wendi turns it into a hammerlock before THROWING her in hammerlock position a good 3 feet in the air, how Leilani didn’t tear a shoulder in the process I don’t know. Leilani reaches back and hits a series of snapmares as Cyndi shouts encouragement for Wendi. Leilani goes back to old school holds, a tribute to Moolah I’m sure.  They trade blows in the ring before Leilani grabs Wendi by the hair and throws her into the corner, then hits a snapmare before choking her down. Wendi applies a body scissors from sex position and Leilani shows how strong she is by pulling her all the way to her feet but Wendi hits a forearm to the chest. They appear to go for the same gut-wrench suplex but Wendi being taller falls forward into a lateral press for 1…2….nope. Leilani holds on to the hair then snapmares her over as Ventura speculates what its like to be on the receiving end of something like that. Kai throws Richter in the corner but a charge eats double boot then Wendi covers for a near fall. Leilani distracts the ref so Moolah chokes Wendi on the bottom rope before Cyndi runs over to save the day. Leilani whips Wendi off and hits a boot to the mid-section but Wendi rallies with a forearm and a New Delhi Devastator (and this is 1985 no less). Wendi splashes on top for 1….2..nope, near fall. Wendi whips Leilani into the corner where she goes for a splash but Kai gets the knees up in time. Leilani puts the boots to Wendi and hits a backbreaker for 1….2..NOOOO, that was close. Leilani hits a scoop slam then goes upstairs and hits a flying crossbody, but then Wendi rolls through it for 1….2……3 and we got a new WWF Women’s champion! Cyndi runs around and strangles Moolah with the towel before she trips getting into the ring. A funny spot that I find funny is Cyndi tries to pick up Wendi but can’t and Wendi picks up Cyndi effortlessly. They then do a dose-do dance as Girls Just Wanna Have Fun once again blares to the Madison Square Garden crowd.  Monsoon goes to the replay of the finish and speculates when Leilani came off the top she hit her head on the canvas allowing Wendi to roll on top……good explanation but anyways we got a new champion. I should point out this would be the last Women’s title change at a Wrestlemania for 16 years.

Time of match: 6:13

Winner: Wendi Richter by pinfall (New Women’s champion)

We go back to Mean Gene in the locker-room who interviews the new champ, where she says she beat “Leilani Cow”. Captain Lou makes his way into the picture as Gene asks “Did Moolah get in your way Cyndi?” Wendi “Are you crazy??” Cyndi “Yeah she’s bigger than me but I took care of her” before sending it to Howard Finkel in the ring. Fink turns things over to New York Yankees manager Billy Martin who is the special guest ring announcer. He gets a standing O from the crowd which is weird considering how many times he’s been hired and fired as manager. He then introduces Liberace as the special guest time-keeper (who dances a jig with the Rockettes in the ring) Billy then introduces the special guest referee Pat Patterson and special guest enforcer former world heavyweight boxing champion Muhammad Ali. Jose Torrez the former light-heavyweight champion leads Ali to the ring as the crowd gives a much deserved applause for the duo. Now its time for the main event……
Match 9

“Mr Wonderful” Paul Orndorff and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (with Bob Orton) vs Mr T and Hulk Hogan (with Jimmy Snuka)

A Bagpipe band makes their way to the ring signaling the arrival of wrestling’s number one heel ROWDY…..RODDY….PIPER!!  The Rowdy one makes his entrance with Mr Wonderful and “Ace” Bob Orton. Not to nitpick, but couldn’t this have been a six man tag match since Snuka was equally as loved in the Garden as Hogan and Orton was Piper’s bodyguard…ah well, no use squawking about it now. Mr. T, Snuka and Hogan make their entrance to Eye of the Tiger as the Garden crowd goes nuts. They take FOREVER to start before Liberace stands and rings his custom made bell to start the main event. Hogan and Orndorff start and its well documented these 2 have not liked each other for a long time because of their childhood in Tampa where their high schools were football rivals or something to that extent. Orndorff teases going at it before tagging Piper in. Mr T hops up and down saying let me have him so Hogan tags him in. Piper made it clear on his DVD compilation he never liked Mr. T so this feud was more personal than it was business. Piper hated Mr T, Orndorff and Hogan hated each other so this maybe an out and out shoot by the end. Piper and T staredown nose to nose before they exchange slaps to the face before hitting a go-behind takedown. T tries to sit-out/turn in but Piper maintains the ride. Mr T finally switches out of it as Orndorff fires up Piper in their corner. Mr T puts Piper into a fireman’s carry then drops him like yesterday’s newspaper (Monsoon’s words not mine). Piper backs T into his corner where Orndorff gets in then a melee ensues when all 4 men brawl into the corner. Muhammad Ali and Bob Orton get in the ring as Snuka goes upstairs. Ali throws a punch that sends Piper out of the ring then takes a swing at Orton who retreats to the ground. The heels regroup outside as the camera shows Billy Martin laughing his ass off at the proceedings. Piper motions that they’re outta here as Monsoon scoffs and the heels actually leave the area. Patterson counts up to 8 before Hogan stops him and motions for them to come back and the heels in fact do walk back to ringside. Piper and Paul get in the ring to attack Mr T and Hogan but the faces clean house. They hit a double noggin knocker on the heels before Hogan clotheslines Roddy in the corner. Hulk hits a knoggin knocker on Piper and Orndorff before hitting an atomic drop on the rowdy one. Piper and Hogan trade blows before Hulk makes the tag to Mr T then they hit a double clotheslines. T hits a scoop slam on Piper and an arm-drag on an interfering Orndorff. T hits another slam on Piper and headbutts Orndorff before ramming Piper’s head into Hogan’s knee. Make no mistake about it, in terms of physical condition Mr T has the physique that is better than half the WWF roster so had he went into wrestling, he couldn’t have been any worse than anybody the AWA put out in the late 80’s. Hogan rakes the eyes and big boots Piper over the top rope to the floor. Mr Wonderful interferes and clotheslines Hogan out of the ring so Piper grabs a chair and waffles the Hulkster with it. Muhammad Ali chases Piper back in the ring but Orndorff sneaks out and throws Hogan into the ring. Piper puts the boots to Hogan as Orndorff sneaks in a cheap shot of his own. Mr T interferes so Piper and Orndorff double team the Hulkster. Piper and Orndorff execute a double atomic drop on Hogan as Muhammad Ali gets in the ring to chase Piper out. Fans may not be pleased with Ali’s constant interference but from a kayfabe standpoint he’s supposed to be the enforcer and that’s exactly what he’s doing. Patterson has to beg Ali to get out as Orndorff works over Hulk. Orndorff hits a snap suplex as Ventura says he’s the x-factor of this match being the most technically gifted of all 4 men involved…..well 6 including Snuka and Orton outside. Piper tags in and hits windup punches then a knee lift for 1…2..nope, Hogan kicks out. Piper holds Hogan as Paul tags in and hits a forearm to the back of the neck…..One of the unwritten laws of wrestling is not to hit moves on the back of the neck because you’re more prone to actual injuries, but Orndorff would ROUTINELY do this to Hogan in their matches, pissing off the Hulkster legitimately in the process. Paul covers for a near-fall before hitting a nice backbreaker before going upstairs. Orndorff goes for another forearm off the top but misses, before Hogan makes the hot tag to Mr T. T cleans house before Orndorff is able to take him down. Mr T and Orndorff go high school style as Mr T goes for a roll but Paul wizzers to make sure that doesn’t happen. Piper makes the tag then hits a front headlock on B.A. Barabus before T tags Hogan in.  Both heels interfere so Hogan hits a double noggin knocker on them then headlock punches Orndorff until Wonderful counters with a back suplex. Piper interferes but Patterson cuts him off so both Jimmy Snuka and Cowboy Bob get in the ring. Snuka hits a jumping headbutt that sends Orton over the top to the apron. Patterson is distracted by Snuka as Orndorff puts Hogan in a full nelson. Piper and Mr. T go at it as Patterson turns his attention to him as Orton goes upstairs. Orton comes off the top but Hogan moves and Ace catches Orndorff in the back of the head with the cast. Hogan covers as Snuka roughs up Orton and Patterson gets in position..1……2…..3….its overrrrrrrr!!!!  The ring becomes chaos as everyone gets in the ring before Piper knocks out Patterson, spits at Orndorff and takes off with Orton in tow. Back inside Mr T tends to Orndoff as Billy Martin announce Hogan and Mr T the winner. Orndorff springs to life as Snuka, T, Patterson and Hogan back off. The faces celebrate in the ring as Orndorff doesn’t have a clue what happened before heading to the locker-room. Hogan, Mr. T, Muhammad Ali, Pat Patterson, Snuka, Liberace and Billy Martin all pose and celebrate in the ring. Monsoon and Ventura go to the instant replay before sending it back to Mean Gene to interview the winners. Mr T says he trained hard,as Hogan shills Snuka and T before Superfly does the same thing.  Back to Monsoon and Ventura who sign off and thanks the fans for tuning in.

Time of match: 13:21
Winners: Mr T and Hulk Hogan by pinfall

From an in ring standpoint this was on par with a lot of WWF action from 1985 and historically it did great numbers on closed circuit television. WWF was taking over the country and this would be the greatest year in wrestling (until 1998) for the AWA had their second wind after losing virtually their entire roster to McMahon, the NWA was awesome with the Horsemen against Rhodes and Magnum and of course WWF’s Rock n Wrestling was a big seller. This was more of a modern day crash event with only 2 matches going over 10 minutes but that’s basically how long WWF stars could go and still be entertaining. If you’re looking for an in-ring classic ppv like Great American Bash 96 don’t bother, but if you want a drama filled time capsule of fun then definitely get your hands on this priceless classic. Seriously, whoever was old enough to remember what wrestling was like during this time period can agree that this was ground breaking. The next tape after this in terms of Coliseum Video releases is WWF’s MOST UNUSUAL MATCHES. As for this one, 4 stars out of 5 for the significance and a point off for the crash style. Some of them deserved to be longer.

Best of the WWF Volume 1 (WF003)

BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 1 (WF003)

After BLOOPERS, BLEEPS AND BODYSLAMS and HULKAMANIA hit the shelves, it was time for Vince McMahon Jr to follow up with some REAL action. The first tape was a silly look at wrestling while the second was an exclusive look at Hulk Hogan. Now it was time to showcase the past and present in the first installment of the “best of” series. For historical purposes I’ll guess that this tape was released in March of 1985. We begin with the now standard Coliseum Video opening before being chosen by our host, Vince himself wearing a decent suit for once. He previews all of the matches we’re going to see (and some of them are damn good actually). Now with anything labeled “Best of” I’m skeptical on how things will turn out. I will be judging the matches not just for quality but for importance as well. After all, if this is a ”best of”  tape the action better be legendary. Before we go to the handicap match, we’re treated to an interview with Hogan and Andre The Giant. Hulk warns the crowd of the impending destruction during the match and the man standing next to him is NOT Andre the Giant, he will referred to as “The Boss”. Andre used to call people boss and people referred to him as “boss” so Hogan’s statement is accurate. Hogan hypes up Andre and lets him say a few words. Andre brings up a past cage match between himself and Studd and saying there’s no cage this time, nowhere to hide. Andre says Hulk will take care of the tag champs and Hogan agrees. There were no dudes, mans, jacks or brothers in that promo. Damn, I grew up in the wrong era.

Match 1

The North-South Connection (Adrian Adonis & Dick Murdoch) and “Big” John Studd vs Hulk Hogan and Andre The Giant

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Ken Resnick

We go back to July 15, 1984 at the Brendan Byrne Arena in East Rutherford, NJ for this big matchup. Adonis and Murdoch were the reigning WWF Tag Team Champions and Studd was probably the only one who could match power with Hogan and size with Andre. The heels make their entrance first and only Adonis is carrying a tag belt, Murdoch isn’t. They pass by Vince himself walking toward the arena and Studd playfully punches him in the chest. Hmmmmmm….Adonis starts giving ring announcer Gary Michael Cappetta shit as Monsoon calls Murdoch and Adrian “The Wrecking Crew”….No that’s not Gene and Ole Anderson there Gorilla. Hogan comes out in the white tights with Andre in the red. Referee Dick Kroll takes forever to start and when the bell rings, Adrian and Hogan start. The announce table is so close to the ring Andre nearly steps on Resnick’s monitor. Adonis and Hogan exchange hammerlocks before Adonis comes off the ropes only to be met by a chop to the chest by Andre from the apron. Hogan floors Adrian with a right hand but Adonis recovers to tag in Murdoch. Dick goes to work on the left arm before Studd tags in. We get a TAPE EDIT and now its Studd and Andre in the ring. Before anything happens we get another TAPE EDIT and Andre’s dazed outside while the tag champs have Hogan pinned down. Finally Murdoch leaves the ring and Hogan backs Adrian into the corner with knees to the gut. Hogan rams Adrian’s head into the babyface corner where Andre tags in. Andre drops Adrian with a  headbutt. Andre heaves Adrian into the corner where Adonis flips forward then down. Studd gets the tag and he carefully enters the ring. Andre slugs Studd then does his ass bump in the corner. Murdoch gets in and Andre puts him in the corner as well. Time for “giant football style” as Jesse The Body would say. Adonis gets in and goes for an axehandle but Andre blocks it and stacks him in the corner with the others. Andre sandwhiches the trio while Hogan joins Andre and looks like he’s dry humping the big guy. Adonis collapses as Dick staggers into the center of the ring where Andre sends him flying with a big right hand. Adonis retreats to the aprons and now its just Studd/Andre. John counters a backdrop with a big boot that drops Andre to one knee. If you look closely you can see Studd tagging Adrian but Murdoch gets in. Dick unloads with bionic elbows (remember he was the “other” half of the Texas Outlaws with Dusty Rhodes) and right hands. The heels make frequent tags and Murdoch delivers a modified top rope bulldog to Andre. Murdoch stomps away at the big man and we get another TAPE EDIT. Adonis has Andre down and Murdoch tags back in. Murdoch steals the tag rope and chokes Andre with it as Hogan gets in to protest. As the ref shoos Hogan away Adonis comes in to help Dick choke him. Once Adonis leaves, Dick drops the rope which Andre grabs, Murdoch slugs away at the big guy then measures him for a big punch. Murdoch comes off the rope only Andre catches him with the tag rope and wraps it around his throat for some payback. Hogan tags himself in and he catches an interfering Adonis then heaves Murdoch into him, Adonis does his reverse Andre spot….you know when Andre ties himself up in the ropes, well Adonis does it only he flips himself on the apron all tied up. Hogan sends Murdoch into Adonis again. Hogan slugs Studd then sends Dick into the corner, but the charge eats elbow. Another TAPE EDIT shows Adonis scoop slamming Hogan. Adrian drops a series of knees and elbows to the head then goes all the way up. Hogan catches him and drops him crotch first on the top rope. Adonis rolls to his corner and tags in Studd. John applies a front headlock then tags in Murdoch. Dick stomps away then sends Hogan off only for them to crash into each other. Andre gets the hot tag and he backdrops Murdoch. Adonis interferes and Andre rams his and Murdoch’s heads together. Hogan intercepts a charging Studd. A pier 6 brawl develops as Andre cleans out the champs then floors Studd with a headbutt. Studd bails to the back as Andre gives chase. The champs double team Hogan inside the ring but soon Andre comes back. Studd’s nowhere to be found so now its down to 2 on 2. Hogan “Hulks Up” on Murdoch before tagging in Andre. Andre floors Murdoch with a big boot then sits on him. Hogan intercepts Adrian as the ref counts 1….2…3 and its over. Hogan and Andre prevail as the crowd cheers. Does this belong on a tape like this? For its time period, yes.

Time of Match: An edited 9:30

Winners: Hogan and Andre by pinfall

Vince sends us to a legendary women’s title match between Wendi Richter and Fabulous Moolah from July 23, 1984. Before we get to that we’re sent to an interview with “Mean” Gene Okerlund who’s bringing Captain Lou Albano and Moolah out. Albano rants and raves but calls her “often imitated, never duplicated” and ain’t that the truth. Nowadays “divas” are supposed to be beautiful as well as tough. Moolah was certainly attractive in her day but she was absolutely tough as nails. If she was in her prime today, she’d beat the ever loving shit out of every diva on the roster. Hell, this match was the day after she turned 61 years old (happy birthday Moolah) and she’s still in shape and kicking ass. Moolah says hi to her friends AND enemies and that she’ll come out on top. Albano goes to rant again but Gene cuts him off saying Cindy Lauper has Richter ready to go but Moolah scoffs. Albano says she’s held the belt for 12 years and Moolah says “27 years” which causes Albano to apologize. That was no joke either, due to shortage of ladies wrestling and because she was the best, Moolah really did have the belt since the Capitol Wrestling days of 1956.

Match 2:

Wendi Richter (with Cindy Lauper) vs Fabulous Moolah (with Lou Albano) for the WWF Women’s Championship

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Gene Okerlund

8 days after the last match (July 23^rd now), we’re in Madison Square Garden for the dawning of the Rock N Wrestling era. Lauper had aligned herself with Wendi Richter to get back at Albano for insulting her on Piper’s Pit. Moolah’s got the green tights on and Richter the pink. Bells gone and they trade armdrags. Okerlund brings David Wolff over to say how Albano was never Cindy’s manager..yeah, we know. Moolah gets in a kick to the mid-section and a right hand to the face. Moolah executes a series of hairgrab takeovers before sending her through the ropes and onto the announcer’s table. Wolff, Monsoon and Okerlund helps Wendi up as we get a TAPE EDIT. Now Wendi locks in an armbar as Monsoon calls Albano a fountain of mis-information. Wendi goes for a splash on the arm but Moolah rolls out of the way. Another TAPE EDIT shows Moolah with the upperhand, snapping Wendi throat first off the top rope. Moolah struts around the ring and poses for the crowd, looks great for turning 61 the day earlier. Moolah drops Wendi with a chop to the chest. A headbutt by Wendi sends Moolah backwards, all tied up in the ring roops. Richter kicks away before we get another TAPE EDIT and now Richter’s holding Moolah so Cindy can take a shot at her. Lauper works the crowd for a pop before walloping Moolah the best she can. The ref tells her to hit the bricks as Albano gets bent out of shape. Moolah nails Moolah with a dropkick and the cover actually gets 3 because Moolah doesn’t get a shoulder up but the ref, Richter and the announcers pretend it was 2. Richter turns a scoop slam into a suplex (nice) but the cover only gets 1. Another TAPE EDIT now shows Moolah backdropping Wendi into the center of the ring. A cover gets 1.2..nope, Moolah pulls her up for more torture. Good god ANOTHER TAPE EDIT shows Moolah ramming Wendi’s head into the corner a few times. Moolah turns a rolling prawn into a german suplex for 1…2….3 and its over. Moolah and Albano celebrate but not so fast! The alert referee noticed Richter’s arm came up at 2 so that means…oh yes, Wendi Richter is your new WWF Women’s champion, ending the 27 year reign of Moolah. Ring announcer Howard Finkel announces Richter the new champion, Gene Okerlund “Oh my word, oh my word!” Wolff and Lauper celebrate with the exhausted Richter as its pandemonium in the Garden. Moolah gets pissed and dropkicks the referee. She and the referee stomp him out of the ring in frustration. The ref recovers to raise Wendi’s hand as Albano and Moolah celebrate like she still won the match. Monsoon and Mean Gene finally notice the replay and it confirms Richter’s arm comes up at two. I can’t even rate the match because it was edited so badly but for what its worth, Richter was damn good and Moolah looked great for 61. A new era had begun and for a brief period, women’s wrestling would be taken seriously in MSG. Does this match belong on a tape like this, absolutely.

Time of match: A heavily edited 4:06

Winner: Wendi Richter by pinfall (New women’s champion)

We then go to one of the most famous segments in WWF history (that’s never mentioned anymore because most of today’s fanbase weren’t even born yet)

Match 3

Baron Mikel Scicluna vs Gorilla Monsoon

Commentator: Vince McMahon

Back in 1976, Monsoon was an active wrestler and today he’d be taking on the Madman from Malta. The ring announcer introduces heavyweight boxing legend Muhammad Ali in the front row before introducing the combatants. Monsoon gets a huge pop from the crowd but Scicluna attacks him before the bell.  The Baron attacks Monsoon in the corner with forearms. Finally Monsoon rallies with chops and right hands. Monsoon nails Scicluna on the top of the head with a slap then chops him over the top rope to the floor. All of a sudden Muhammad Ali pops up and takes his jacket off. Apparently Ali wants to go round to round with Monsoon as the crowd pops.

At this point Scicluna says the hell with it and leaves as the ref calls for the bell. Ali sheds his shirt, jacket and shoes as he climbs in the ring. Monsoon twirls his finger around his head and asks if Ali has gone crazy. Ali tries to stick and move with jabs as Monsoon laughs at him. Monsoon throws a jab himself and Ali continues to stick and move. Finally Monsoon grabs him by the arm and puts him in an airplane spin. Camera bulbs go off all over as Monsoon drops him back first. Monsoon circles Ali like a shark as Ali’s manager gets him out of there. Vince hypes up Ali saying he could whip any wrestler and Monsoon just proved otherwise. Vince leaps up from his broadcast position wearing a red suit to interview Monsoon. Monsoon says he’s a great boxer but had no business being in the wrestling ring. “This guy doesn’t know a wristlock from a wrist watch how can he get in there with a wrestler? All he knows is to throw a few lousy jabs, that’s not gonna stop a wrestler!” Vince takes a look at the replay and Monsoon says “Great boxer, terrible, terrible as a wrestler.” My how times have changed. Muhammad Ali is considered by many to be the greatest heavyweight boxer of all time and he was humiliated by Gorilla Monsoon there. 33 years later the game’s greatest WELTERWEIGHT at the time, Floyd Mayweather, would step in the ring with Big Show. Show is significantly taller and a bit heavier than Monsoon. Senile Vince apparently forgot how he booked Ali/Monsoon decades earlier and had Floyd knock out Big Show. As for the forgotten third man, Scicluna was one of the top heels of the 60’s and 70’s plus was inducted into the WWF Hall of Fame in 1996. So we got 2 hall of fame wrestlers and a hall of fame boxer in one match, that certainly belongs on a tape like this.

Time of match: 48 seconds

Winner: Gorilla Monsoon by count-out.

We now go to a squash match featuring The Superfly…..huh?

Match 4

“Superfly” Jimmy Snuka vs Bobby Bass

Commentators: Jack Reynolds and King Kong Mosca

We’re on weekly WWF programming for this useless jobber match from sometime in 1984. Reynolds was a known broadcaster at the time and Mosca was an ex wrestler. Hell, think Bischoff and Mongo. Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka gets attacked at the opening bell. He gets whipped into the corner but leaps over a charging Bass. Snuka backdrops Bass then scoop slams him. A series of hiptosses from the Superfly frustrates Bobby to the point he bails to the outside. Back inside Bass applies a headlock and shoulderblocks Jimmy down. Snuka leaps over Bass then delivers a flying headbutt. Snuka delivers a backbreaker then goes upstairs. The crowd goes beserk as Snuka hits the Superfly Splash. The cover 1…2…3 and its over. Absolutely no idea what the purpose of having a jobber match on this tape was unless it was to show how awesome Snuka was. Does it belong on the tape? Hell no!

Time of match: 1:24

Winner: Jimmy Snuka by pinfall
Vince sends us to Piper’s Pit where “Rowdy” Roddy Piper interviews Snuka…..yes, THAT Piper’s Pit. Unfortunately its clipped so we don’t get the full interview. We’re at the part where Piper tells Snuka to put the microphone in Jimmy’s little greasy paws. Piper then says he’s going to make Jimmy feel at home, he picks up a pineapple from a brown paper bag. My favorite line “This pineapple is like the women from the Fiji Islands, long busty hair on top, round on the bottom.” Piper then pulls out a bunch of bananas and taunts Snuka with them. Piper with coconuts: “Here we go….one coconuttttt….two coconuttttttt…four coconutttts, ya wanna be a big shot? Ya know what, the only thing I didn’t get. I didn’t get a tree for you to climb up and down like a monkey, like ya wanna do. You want to be a big shot, I’ll get you a tree next time!” He then throws a banana in Snuka’s face and finally Jimmy speaks, softly. “Are you making fun of me?” Piper: “Am I making fun of you? No sir! No Sir!” At this point Piper smashes a coconut over Snuka’s head that sends him sprawling into the cheap Piper’s Pit set, knocking it down. Piper grabs a banana, kicks the set off Snuka and begins rubbing it in his face. Piper gets another banana, spits at him, then rubs another one in his face. Piper then takes his belt off and whacks Snuka in the back as a little box in the corner with a smiling Piper is shown. This must be the TNT replay of the incident rather than the actual broadcast. Piper keeps whipping Snuka repeatedly and taunting him to get up. Finally Snuka gets to his feet, screams in rage and chases Piper behind a locked door. Snuka pounds on the door but can’t get it open as Tito Santana and 2 others pry him away. Vince then sends us to the inevitable match this angle would lead to. Does this Piper’s Pit belong on this tape? HELL YEAH!

Match 5

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper vs “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and “Lord” Alfred Hays

After the famous Piper’s Pit where Piper smashed a coconut over Snuka’s head, a match was in order. Nowadays it would be a week later on Raw or 3 weeks later on a pay per view but this match was in August of 1984, 5 months after Piper’s Pit. Madison Square Garden would be the scene and Snuka is wearing a loud pink shirt. After a LOT of stalling they trade blows in the ring until Snuka gets the upper hand. A karate chop drops Piper as the crowd explodes. A few more chops floors Piper again who begs off. Snuka delivers a jumping headbutt who drops and begs off. A headlocked punch staggers Roddy. They trade blows before Piper tries his own jumping headbutt and nearly knocks himself out. Monsoon “That was a mistake.” Piper follows up with a thumb to the eye, that worked. Piper does his own series of headlocked punches before doing a snapmare. Piper pounds away the Snuka on the mat as the ref tells him to watch the fist. Snuka rallies with a right hand and another chop to the chest. Snuka then chops Piper over the top rope to the floor. Snuka follows and rams Roddy’s head into the side of the ring. Snuka goes for a whip but Piper’s head accidentally gets caught behind the rope and it chokes him. Snuka plays off of it and Alfred says “Oh, what a good move!” Nice cover up boys. Snuka clubs away at Roddy then sends him off the ropes, only to catch him in a sleeper hold. Piper begins having a seizure then bails to the outside…with Snuka still applying the hold. Finally Piper breaks free by ramming Snuka backwards into the apron. Piper goes to ram Jimmy’s head into the post but Snuka counters last second. Snuka beats on him all around the ring. Piper grabs a steel chair but Jimmy grabs it from him then rams Roddy’s head into it. BRILLIANT! Piper is busted wide open as he retreats inside the ring. Piper bleeds and begs off from a screaming Snuka as the crowd is really into it. Snuka begins pounding away on Piper and the ref tries to pull him off to no avail. Snuka delivers a falling headbutt and goes upstairs. Piper gets to his feet and Snuka dives off, only to be caught by Roddy and dropped throat first on the top rope. Snuka stays there and Piper dumps him to the floor. The ref counts out Snuka and Piper’s your winner. I bet MSG was livid at that one but the tape cuts off there. Did this belong on the tape? Absolutely, you had a hot feud at the time that started from one of the all-time great moments in wrestling history.

Time of match: 6:12

Winner: Roddy Piper by count-out

Vince sends us to a junior heavyweight championship match…..what?

Match 6

The Cobra vs The Black Tiger for the WWF Junior Heavyweight Championship

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Gene Okerlund

How do I explain this one? When Vince bought Georgia Championship Wrestling away from Jim Barnett, he inherited the junior heavyweight champion Les Thornton. After booking Les for a few shows as the Junior Heavyweight champion, for whatever reason he stripped Thornton of the title. This match was supposed to fill the vacant title on December 28, 1984 in Madison Square Garden. Who the hell are these dudes though? Well the WWF defended its junior heavyweight title mostly in Japan. The Cobra is not Jeff Farmer (who’d later play The Cobra and the nWo Sting in WCW) but actually George Takano, a veteran of Stampede and NWA wrestling. He defeated none other than Davey Boy Smith to win the NWA junior title a year earlier. Who is Black Tiger? I’ll reveal him at the end. Fink bills Cobra from Japan weighing 225 pounds but the graphic on screen says 220. Black Tiger is billed from England weighing 220….hmmm, there’s your first clue. Cobra is a good few inches taller than Tiger and they circle to start. Cobra applies a hammerlock but Tiger spins out of it then drops Cobra with a series of takedowns. Tiger drops an elbow and locks in a rest-hold. Cobra reverses into a hammerlock, Tiger switches but Cobra again brings him down with a hammerlock. TAPE EDIT and now Tiger has Cobra in a leg-lock. Back to a reverse chinlock until Cobra makes it to his feet. In what would be used on the opening Coliseum Video montage, Black Tiger nails Cobra with a stiff clothesline. Hmm, junior heavyweight from England that uses stiff clotheslines, ringing a bell yet? Tiger sommersaults onto Cobra and covers but Cobra kicks out immediately. Tiger runs right into a back drop and Cobra applies a rest-hold. Cobra goes to work then goes up to the top only for Tiger to catch him in mid-air….and let Cobra down on his feet. Cobra then does a spinning wheel kick that catches Tiger in the ribs. Cobra drops a second rope knee drop then executes a gut-wrench suplex. A cover gets 1…2..no. Cobra catches Tiger in a crucifix for a deuce then applies a head scissors. Tiger then nips up and backs into the corner. Cobra fakes locking up then kicks Tiger in the ribs then delivers a gut buster. Cobra locks in a Boston crab then turns it into a Luchador Special (I’ll explain another time)….something unheard of in 1984 American wrestling. We get a TAPE EDIT and now Cobra breaks a full nelson then kicks Tiger in the head. Cobra sends Black Tiger to the floor with a dropkick where Tiger hops on the apron, nails Cobra then goes upstairs. In another clip that would be used in the Coliseum Video montage, Cobra slams Tiger off the top rope. Cobra locks in another head scissors before Tiger powers out of it. Tiger applies a headlock but is floored with a shoulderblock off the ropes. Tiger nips up and decks Cobra with another stiff arm clothesline. Tiger stops to nod at the crowd then drops a knee and covers for 1…2..nope. Tiger executes a swinging neckbreaker but we get another TAPE EDIT and now both men are down. Once they get to their feet, Cobra nearly takes Tiger’s head off with a spinning wheel kick. The cover gets a deuce and Cobra nails Tiger with a standing dropkick that sends Tiger through the ropes and to the outside. Cobra bounces off the ropes and SUICIDE DIVES through the ropes and onto Tiger. After another TAPE EDIT, Cobra is in the ring and Tiger drops him with a right hand from the apron. Tiger goes upstairs and splashes Cobra, gets up, nods at the crowd and executes a floatover suplex for 1…2..nope. Tiger picks up Cobra in a scoop slam position but modifies it to a tombstone, ouch. The cover gets a deuce and Tiger goes for another tombstone only for Cobra to reverse it. Cobra nails Tiger with the tombstone then goes upstairs. Cobra senton bombs (yes in 1984) Tiger then covers for 1…2…3 and its over. The crowd pops for a match that was 12 years ahead of its time. Fink presents the belt to Cobra. Cobra goes to shake Tiger’s hand but Tiger nails him in the chest with a forearm. What looks to be a sore loser angle is ruined because the segment cuts right then. Still, that match was right on par with the WCW cruiserweight matches that wouldn’t take place for a dozen years. Outstanding effort by both men although Cobra was pulling moves that were years ahead of their time. As for the Black Tiger….British light heavyweight with stiff clotheslines and a great suplex. If you haven’t guessed yet, it’s Mark “Rollerball” Rocco! What, were you expecting Dynamite Kid? Anyway as for the match deserving to be on this tape, definitely yes. It was a revolutionary match that wouldn’t be commonplace for at least a decade.

Time of match: A heavily edited 6:58

Winner: The Cobra by pinfall (New Junior Heavyweight champion)

We go from a great junior heavyweight match to one of the most infamous skits in professional wrestling history. Somehow Hulk Hogan decided on “Mean” Gene Okerlund to be his tag team partner in a match against George “The Animal” Steele and Mr.Fuji. Instead of just having the match, we now are forced to sit through their training segments. We begin with a graphic showing its Day 1. Mean Gene is sitting at his kitchen table smoking a cigar and reading the paper as Hulk barges in and yells at him. Gene whines and says its 5 in the morning but Hogan rips the cigar and cup of coffee out of Gene’s mouth. Gene says he’s going to have bacon, eggs and pancakes for breakfast and Hogan will have none of it. Hogan then cracks 3 raw eggs into a glass for Gene and then one glass for himself. Hogan says they’re going to do this every 2 hours while in training. For some reason they edit out Gene actually drinking the eggs but anyway, he’s ready to go. Now we cut to Hogan and Gene running around one of the Minnesota lakes as fans legitimately cheer them on. Hogan doesn’t appear to be winded at all while Okerlund looks ready for a stretcher. Hogan is wearing his Hulkamania t-shirt and red jogging shorts, Gene is wearing the same only his shirt has sleeves on it. Hulk is barely breaking a sweat as they run around the lake but Gene struggles. Now Gene and Hulk are running through the streets of Minneapolis except now Hogan is wearing blue spandex pants and Gene as a blue hat with visor and a blue/white t-shirt. Gene stops for a beer and a braut but Hogan stops him and says get back to work. Ok, have to admit THAT part was funny. We get a graphic saying its Day 2 and Gene and Hulk are now hanging around the Olympia Gym. Mean gene is wearing a sleeveless black shirt that says Hulk-A-Mania while Hogan is wearing a red sleeveless shirt that says Mean Gene-O-Mania. Gene doubts himself but Hogan gives him a pep talk before working out. The Olympia Gym was a legitimate gym located at 2604 Lyndale Avenue in Minneapolis. Gene and Hulk work out to the Coliseum Video opening theme as several gym patrons cheer them on. We get a graphic saying Day 3 as Gene is back in his kitchen reading the paper in a blue bathrobe when Hulk barges in again. Apparently its 6 AM and time to train, you’d think Gene would have put locks on his doors at this point. Today Hulk and Gene are running up the steps of an empty arena. Hulk in just red shorts and Gene in red shorts and a white t-shirt. Hulk carries Gene on his shoulders up the stairs and says Gene is next much to Gene’s dismay. Now we see Gene struggling to go up the stairs with Hogan on his back. If you were taking this out of context, with Gene’s repeated cries “Oh, Hulk. Oh, Hulk”  you’d think this would be REALLY gay. Now we get a graphic for Day 4 and Hulk is making Gene wheelbarrow up the steps with Hulk saying Gene-O-Mania is running wild. Finally Gene makes it all the way up the stairs and says “Hulk, we got it!” They look out over Minnesota and it’s a nice view actually. As the theme blares again, Hulk and Gene run up the steps of the state capitol in perfect rhythm and Gene jumps into Hogan’s arms. Gene thanks a bunch of people but most likely due to legal reasons, he’s edited out and he says they’re ready for Fuji and Steele at the Met Center. Now that we’ve survived this, let’s get to the actual match.

Match 7

George “The Animal” Steele and Mr. Fuji vs “Mean” Gene Okerlund and Hulk Hogan

Commentator: Vince McMahon

August 26, 1984 was the epic showdown between Hulk and Gene against Steele and Fuji. After Okerlund and Hogan’s quasi-homosexual training sessions, let’s hope this match is short and sweet. We’re at the Met Center in Minneapolis, MN which is pretty much a homecoming for Hulk and Gene since they both came from the AWA. Hogan enters wearing the blue tights and Mean Gene-O-Mania t-shirt while Okerlund enters with black tights and Hulk-A-Mania on his t-shirt. Gene is also carrying Hogan’s belt, isn’t that nice of him? Hogan rips Okerlund’s shirt off and he looks ridiculous. Actually now that I think about it, Mr. Fuji was 49 years old, Steele was 47 and Okerlund was 41. Hogan had just turned 31 fifteen days earlier meaning he’s technically in his prime. Hogan and Fuji start and Fuji gets the upperhand in the corner with chops. Hogan ducks under one, slugs Fuji, sends him off the corner and hiptosses him. Fuji charges and Hogan scoop slams him. Fuji scrambles for the tag and Steele tries to intimidate Hulk with his signature taunt, only for Hogan to turn around and tell Steele to kiss his ass. We get a TAPE EDIT and now Hogan is down with Steele stalking him. Steele pounds away on the Hulkster but Hogan Hulks Up quickly and floors both George and an interfering Fuji. Many fans can (and should) make fun of Hogan for wrestling too long past his prime but back in 1984 Hulk really did rule. His offense was crisp, his Hulk Up’s weren’t routine and his promos weren’t cliché. Hogan follows the heels to the floor and drops both of them then struts in the ring. Okerlund stomps on Fuji’s hand for good measure. Hogan high fives Okerlund excessively and the referee constitutes that as a tag. This means, oh yes, Okerlund now has to wrestle Steele. D’OH! Hogan protests brother but the ref will have none of it and orders Okerlund in the ring. Steele taunts Gene then backs him into the corner. George charges but Gene crawls under his legs and makes the tag to Hulk. Steele begs off and Hulk bashes him into the corner. He grabs Fuji and rams his and Steele’s heads together.  We get a TAPE EDIT and now Fuji is in the ring getting clobbered. Hulk atomic drops Steele as Fuji reaches into his tights for salt. Gene, from the apron, knocks the salt from Fuji’s hand. Hogan whips Fuji off into the knee of Okerlund, dropping Fuji. Hogan tags in Mean Gene and picks him up from outside and slams him on top of Fuji. Hogan from the outside puts his hand directly on Okerlund’s ass as the ref counts 1…2..3 and this fiasco is over. Jesse “The Body” Ventura comes out of nowhere to protest as Hogan and Okerlund clean house of Fuji and Steele. Okerlund jumps into Hogan’s arms and they do many questionable high fives. They pose for the crowd as the segment ends. Was this deserving to be on the tape, unfortunately yes. This was one of the most talked about segment/matches for years and years good or bad. If people are still talking about it, its legendary.

Time of match: Who gives a damn?

Winners: Hogan and Okerlund by pinfall

We now cut to the set-up match for one of the hottest pre-Hulkamania angles WWWF did during the final years of Vince Sr.

Match 8

Larry Zybysko vs “Living Legend” Bruno Sammartino

Commentator: Vince McMahon

This was billed as teacher vs student as Bruno had actually trained Larry in the early 70’s. This match was on January 22, 1980 in Allentown, PA and the 28 year old Larry tries to best his 44 year old mentor. Zybysko has red tights and a full head of blonde hair while Bruno enters wearing the blue tights with a full head of hair as well. They tie up twice and both times Bruno backs Larry into the ropes but breaks clean. Zybysko nearly catches Bruno with an outside shot but Bruno avoids it. Zybysko executes a nice go-behind but Bruno switches. Zybysko tries a standing switch then a sit-out but Bruno’s wrist control is too strong. Bruno releases the hold and Zybysko looks at him as if to say “What did you do that for?” Bruno gets a side headlock but Larry tosses him off the ropes then delivers a hiptoss. Larry covers for a deuce and Bruno powers out of it. Larry applies a headlock then floors Bruno with a shoulderblock. Zybysko runs off the ropes but right into a drop-toe-hold by Sammartino. Larry scoop slams Bruno then covers for a loud 2 count. Bruno counters with his own scoop slam and Larry gets up frustrated. Larry tries a got behind but Bruno catches the wrist and begins fighting it off. Bruno goes for a side wrist-lock but Zybysko alertly turns it into an abdominal stretch. Bruno hiptosses Larry after a bit and Vince speculates that Zybysko is angry at himself….not exactly. Zybysko catches Bruno with another scoop slam and covers for another near-fall. Zybsyko picks the near ankle and turns it into a half crab. Bruno squirms loose then drops Zybysko with a toe hold, only to release it. The crowd applauds the chain of events before Bruno applies a top wristlock but releases the hold when Zybysko struggles. Larry doesn’t like it but ties up again only to get headlocked. They criss cross and Larry goes for another hiptoss but this time Bruno counters with one of his own. Larry pounds the mat in frustration and looks up at his mentor with a look of disdain. They circle and Larry gets a side headlock then drops Bruno with a shoulderblock. Zybysko tries to garner momentum only to run right into a bear-hug. Zybysko screams out so Bruno lets him go. Zybysko gets even more frustrated at Bruno for showing mercy and Bruno looks at him confused. Larry ducks under a forearm to apply a hammerlock. Bruno looks to escape but his switch ends up dropping Larry through the ropes to the outside. Bruno holds the ropes for Larry but Zybysko catches him with a knee to the gut on his way back in the ring. Larry pounds away with forearms to the back then stomps to the chest. Larry rams Bruno’s head into the turnbuckle as the crowd begins booing the dastardly tactics. Larry goes outside and grabs a wooden chair as Vince freaks out. The ref tries to stop him but Larry throws him through the ropes to the outside to earn the DQ. Larry then whacks Bruno in the head with the chair and Sammartino blades…really badly. By badly as in he’s bleeding all over the ring. Zybysko hits him twice more and then throws the chair down in frustration. He leaves to a chorus of boos as the ref tends to the bloody mess left behind. This was the start of a red hot feud that would last throughout most of 1980. The match itself was classic storytelling that’s lost on most of today’s braindead fans. Modern day fans expect spotfests and 20 minutes of posing but what I just saw was very entertaining without spots and posing. Does this belong on this tape? Yes only because it set up the next match.

Time of match: 9:16

Winner: Bruno Sammartino by DQ

Before we go to the final match of the tape, we go to Bruno’s “weigh-in” for the “Showdown at Shea”. Back then the WWWF still tried to look somewhat legit by having weigh-ins and Bruno enters wearing blue tights and flip flops.  Vince is wearing a horrific yellow polyester jacket and green pants. I know it was 1980 but gadzooks! Vince interviews Bruno saying both he and Larry are in terrific shape although Bruno says he’s going to destroy Zybysko. Vince asks him about the upcoming cage match and Bruno says he’s going to win. I didn’t notice at first but Kerry at thewrestlingfan.com pointed out that doctor in the ring was George Zahorian. Dr Z was the doctor that supplied nearly every wrestler in the 80’s and early 90’s with steroids. Now let’s get to the main event of the tape.

Match 9

Larry Zybysko vs “Living Legend” Bruno Sammartino (with Arnold Skaaland) in a Steel Cage Match

Commentator: Vince McMahon

The “Showdown at Shea” which drew over 36,000 fans to Shea Stadium occurred on August 9, 1980. Larry’s heel turn and subsequent bloodying of Bruno was the talk of the wrestling world in 1980. Freddie Blassie, Captain Lou and Grand Wizard all made pitches for Larry to join their stables but Larry turned them all down, he wanted to destroy Bruno and he wanted to do it alone. This would never happen now but after the beat-down of Bruno, fans destroyed Larry’s car, turned over taxis he was riding in, stabbing him in the ass and nailed with an iron pipe. That’s how legitimate WWWF used to be. Larry and Bruno would work matches and fans believed them to be real as opposed to now where morons on the independent circuit hurt each other for real and nobody cares. Bruno enters the cage wearing the blue tights with Larry in the red. Larry attacks as Bruno attempts to enter the cage but a boot to the mid-section sends Zybysko flying. Bruno boots his former pupil in the head then rams him right into the cage. Bruno sends him crashing, head first into the cage again then puts the boots to him. Bruno caters to the crowd as we get a TAPE EDIT although Bruno is still stomping away on Larry. Bruno chokes Larry on the second rope then rakes his face across the cage. At this point the camera pauses on this image even though action is still going on with Vince calling it. Once the production crew wakes up, Larry punches Bruno in the nads.  Bruno crawls around as Larry goes to escape the cage. He gets halfway out before a lunging Bruno pulls him back in. Now it’s Larry’s turn to throw Bruno face first into the cage. We get another TAPE EDIT and when we resume Larry rams Bruno’s head into the cage once again. Bruno sells a left arm injury as Larry looks to escape over the top. Sammartino pulls him off the top with his one good arm (and THIS is why you don’t edit matches. I have no idea why Bruno’s selling an arm injury because the edited match hasn’t shown any arm moves). ANOTHER TAPE EDIT has Larry dropping Sammartino with a right hand. Bruno ducks under a right hand, goes behind and delivers a knee to the hamstrings. Another TAPE EDIT shows Bruno choking out Larry. Zybysko goes upstairs but Sammartino catches him and slams him in the center of the ring. We get another TAPE EDIT (way too many) and now Bruno is clutching his right arm as Larry taunts him. Camera zooms in to show Bruno’s arm is badly lacerated. Larry batters Bruno in the corner then goes to escape. Vince says Larry would be “The New Living Legend” if he escapes. Well he didn’t escape as Bruno stops him last second but he would bill himself as “Living Legend” Larry Zybysko throughout his entire 90’s WCW run. Zybysko goes to attack Bruno in the corner when we get yet another TAPE EDIT. I’ve had about enough of this really. Bruno drags Larry through the ropes and rams him into the ringpost. Another TAPE EDIT has me throwing my hands up as Bruno throws Larry against the cage. Bruno throws the bloody Zybysko over the top rope into the cage, grabs him then throws him into the other side of the cage. Zybysko is out of it as Bruno calls for the cage to be opened. Zybysko staggers to his feet and Bruno gestures at Larry saying “The hell with you” and walks out the door. Bruno wins it as the ref raises his left arm. Arnold Skaaland goes to raise Bruno’s right which causes him to cry out in pain, either he’s really hurt or a terrific seller. A lost art today. Larry protests and staggers out of the cage pointing at him. Larry walks toward Bruno and stares at him before Bruno whacks him in the face twice. Larry raises Bruno’s arm as a sign of respect but Bruno pulls it down and walks away. Larry was going for the slow, face turn but Bruno was not in a forgiving mood. Overall this one of the best drawing angles the WWWF ever did and it was capped off correctly with the babyface brutalizing the heel in a cage. As it stands, this was the beginning of the end for Bruno. Zybysko would leave the company shortly after to wrestle for Georgia Championship Wrestling and Bruno settled into a semi-retirement. Oh and one last thing, Hogan takes credit in his autobiography that he and Andre were the reason for the sold out crowd at Shea. Once again his egotism gets in the way of reality. Hogan was just a heel back then, Andre could have wrestled “Crazy” Luke Graham and it wouldn’t have made a difference. Bruno and Larry were THE talk of the wrestling world in 1980 with house shows and mega-cards being sold out with them headlining. Bruno and Larry were the main event for a reason and THEY drew the house despite what the almighty Hulkster claims. Does this match belong on this tape, HELL YES!

Time of match: A heavily edited 6:51 (real time was 15:10)

Winner: Bruno Sammartino

That’s it for the tape as we get the orchestral end credits. Once again the message that the matches were edited for entertainment purposes appears. I don’t know why they did that, they had a full 2 hours on the cassette and this didn’t even top 90 minutes. They could have shown the Bruno/Larry cage in its entirety and still had room. After the credits we get a sneak preview for BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 2, ANDRE THE GIANT and MOST UNUSUAL MATCHES. As for this tape, now THAT’S more like it. This was supposed to be the “best” of what they had to offer and that’s exactly what they delivered. Every angle and match was legendary either good or bad and some of them were huge draws such as Piper/Snuka and Zybysko/Sammartino. I give it 4 stars out of 5 and it would have been 5 out of 5 but the edits were too much, too many things were cut out. The next tape after this is the first WRESTLEMANIA.

Bloopers, Bleeps and Bodyslams (WF001)

WWF’s Bloopers, Bleeps and Bodyslams (WF001)

The one that started it all. Today there are nearly 700 tapes and DVD’s put out by WWF/E home video with material dating as far back as the 1960’s. Back in the 80’s VCR’s were sweeping the nation and Vince McMahon made the genius decision to capitalize on them by releasing a line of home videos, something new in wrestling. In 1985, he would release his product on both Betamax (think 8 tracks but for tapes) and VHS. The very first one was titled Bloopers, Bleeps and Bodyslams and it was more or less a compilation tape of all the silly stuff that the WWF was capable of. I am unsure of the actual release date but since most of the action is from 1984 and earlier plus the tape was released before the first Wrestlemania, I’d venture a guess to say early 1985. Before I continue, that seems pretty ballsy doesn’t it? You need to hit a home run in order for fans to continue to purchase your product, then instead of presenting blow away matches/hot feuds, you begin with TNT (Tuesday Night Titans) skits and goofy moments? Anyway let’s get to it. The tape opens with a really cool intro video that comprises of the history of coliseum wrestling (the Roman one that is) before showing highlights of modern day WWF action set to a cool brass (trumpets and trombones for non music fans reading this) theme.

Gorilla Monsoon welcomes us and shills the upcoming action. He even pokes fun at himself as they show an outtake of his opening speech plus play it backwards. Then we get a short clip where on Piper’s Pit, Roddy Piper asks to compare hands with Andre the Giant. Andre says sure and slaps him upside the head. Cut to a short clip of a 10 men tag match at the Philadelphia Spectrum where one team consists of Jimmy Snuka (in the ring), Andre, Rocky Johnson, Pedro Morales and Salvatore Bellomo against Don Muraco (in the ring), “Superstar” Billy Graham, “Playboy” Buddy Rose, Ray “Crippler” Stevens and Mr. Fuji. Snuka goes to town on Muraco before tagging in Morales, Morales floors Don with a forearm to the chest and revs up the crowd before tagging in Andre. Andre shoots Muraco in the ropes then delivers a big boot that sends Don over the top rope to the floor. Stevens and Rose come over to help him back in and once inside, Muraco locks in a headlock on the giant who gets sent off the ropes and runs into the huge posterior of Andre. Muraco sells it like he took a cannon shot to the ribs. Muraco staggers to his corner and puts his hand up, Rose refuses to tag in but Stevens reluctantly does. Even though this is a short segment, its always nice to see the original “crippler” in Stevens on a WWF tape no less. He made his name in the 70’s with the AWA as half of a great tag team with Nick Bockwinkel managed by a young Bobby Heenan. Turns out the segment ends right there,

We cut to one of my favorite segments of all-time, love advice from “Classy” Freddie Blassie on Tuesday Night Titans. Before I go any further let me explain what Tuesday Night Titans was. Most wrestling shows from that era, especially the territorial ones were one sided squash matches with an occasional main event tossed in there while hyping up some house show that was coming up that Friday or whatever. Vince thought that kind of shit put fans to sleep and decided to come up with something new. Basically he completely ripped off Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show by having himself in the Carson chair with Alfred Hays playing the role of Ed McMahon (no relation to Vince). Instead of presenting wrestling matches, the show featured WWF stars doing interviews, performing in skits and doing off the wall things not seen in wrestling before. Sure it was hokey and silly but it was also revolutionary because it added to the characters of all those involved, good or bad. As Ric Flair once said, Vince couldn’t match the NWA talent for talent so he had to match with larger than life characters such as Hulk Hogan, George “The Animal” Steele and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper. Back to the segment, Blassie admitted in his book he and Vince Jr used to ride together because they had a lot in common including love of fast cars and loud outfits. Here Vince is in a nice suit while Blassie is in his usual lavish pink suit. Vince “Freddie you’ve always been willing to help individuals with problems.” Freddie “A lot of pencil neck geeks around here have a lot of problems, I’ll guarantee you that.” The first letter comes from a woman who claims her husband pays no attention to her until after TNT is over (nice plug). Freddie “He doesn’t pay attention to her huh? Has the woman tried taking a bath? Has she used under arm deodorant? Has she shaved her armpits, her legs? Ya goofy broad that’s what ya gotta do!” Vince tries to say the problem is TNT and Freddie counters “Maybe the sheets are dirty.” Next question has a woman that complains that her husband is performing moves on her after watching WWF. Do Not Try This At Home didn’t debut for over a decade so fans had carte blanche to do what they wanted back then. Vince “His superfly Snuka leap off the top of the dresser is too much.” At this point Freddie, Vince and the cameraman all break character briefly to laugh at the hilariousness of that statement. “What about practicing holds on her, Mr. Blassie?” Freddie “Oh yeah, my second wife I used to practice strangleholds on her all the time.” Vince starts laughing for real. Freddie “Some of these broads need to be kicked around.” He spits on the floor as Vince tries to go back in babyface announcer mode “Mr Blassie please.” Freddie “Ya know I used to write a column for Hollywood News Gazette! I taught that dear Aby (he says A-Bee) and Ann Flanders! Don’t ya know anything?” Next letter Vince laughs as he reads a 60 year old woman has limited experience with men but has nice legs, a firm waist and a burning desire to date a wrestler. Vince asks Freddie if he has any suggestions on who to date buts cuts him off saying she’s 60. Freddie was no stranger to women at his advancing age so he says age doesn’t matter. Vince asks him if he has any wrestlers in mind willing to date a 60 year old and Blassie lists Sgt Slaughter, Tito Santana, Hulk Hogan and Tonga Kid. Vince scoffs saying Tonga Kid is only 18 years old and Blassie’s response “Good, he’s got a lot of life in him. It’ll be good for the old lady!” The camera man starts laughing again as the segment ends right there. I could watch those two in that capacity all day but its time to move on.

Monsoon rejoins us for a vanity segment, huh? Monsoon talks about hair loss and how it affects wrestlers. We cut to a squash match where “Iron” Mike Sharpe (with Lou Albano outside) beats on jobber Steve Grey. Sharpe grabs Grey by the hair and rams his head on the buckle which such force, Grey’s hair falls off. He was wearing a toupee inside the ring, smart huh? Sharpe throws Grey to the outside and taunts him with his own hairpiece as the segment ends there before Captain Lou has a chance to pound on the poor, bald jobber.

Next we go to a TNT segment where Freddie Blassie tries to hype up Tiger Chung Lee as a badass by having him break breaks with karate chops. Only problem is Lee can’t break anything. Vince turns his back and laughs as even Blassie tries to save face by uttering gibberish (he claimed in his book that back then managers had to at least pretend they knew the language of their wrestler) as Lee continues to struggle to break the bricks. Monsoon claims he bought the bricks himself and had them loaded with steel but the fact was Lee was exposed as a fraud on national television. No wonder he didn’t last.

Next up is Captain Lou Albano. Monsoon refers to him as the greatest walking advertisement for birth control. We go to a segment on TNT where Vince is wearing a piss-yellow suit while Lou rants and raves in his Hawaiian shirt. Lou claims he’s got an IQ of 901.73. At this point I realize if I quote everything this review will take forever so from here on I’ll quote only the funniest while giving a brief synopsis of the segments.

We go to a posedown held in what looks to be a lounge between Paul Orndorff and Tony Atlas. Vince is your MC wearing a red suit sitting at a table with Renee Goulet who is sipping a cocktail and looking bored. Atlas poses first to the Coliseum Video theme before Orndorff comes out and poses to the same theme. Both have killer physiques but Atlas gets the duke due to being a babyface. Paul protests then clobbers Atlas in the back, sending him crashing into what appears to be The Spoiler’s table. A tall guy in a mask tries to break apart Orndorff and Atlas and just for namesake I’ll call him The Spoiler. Spoiler and Vince lead Orndorff out the side door while Atlas stands there flustered.

Monsoon says life on the road can be lonely and sends us to Iron Sheik’s haram party on TNT with Vince hosting in the gray suit. Sheik stands by an actual live camel wearing his actual 1971 AAU wrestling champion medal he won in the 180 pound division as well as his turban and loud shirt. The one hilarious quote is he claims the camel is better looking than Sgt Slaughter. Alfred Hays is brought in to analyze the animal as Sheik continues to run down Slaughter. Vince makes a goof and both he and Sheik laugh at Vince’s expense before Sheik continues to rant. Vince asks Sheik what the camels name is and at first he speaks a long name in farci. Vince asks for the translation and Sheik answers “Claude”. All 3 men share a laugh which makes me laugh because Sheik’s supposed to be a heel yet everyone’s having fun here. Vince notices Alfred standing by the camel’s ass and asks if there’s any action back there. To save time I’ll skip the rest and move on.

Monsoon blows the ending of the next segment which has Freddie Blassie, Friday (the original Kim Chee) and a dancing chicken on TNT, yes of course I’m serious. Vince is wearing the beige suit as Blassie is in his blue sequined suit. The camera pans to the chicken just as it takes a shit, which adds to the hilarity. Vince notices and lets Blassie know. Kamala comes out to check out the chicken as Vince asks what’s going on. Freddie announces that the chicken will perform a disappearing act as Kamala will eat him alive, causing Vince to protest. Kamala goes after the chicken and the camera cuts away only to return to Kamala eating an obviously cooked chicken. I’m sure Vince used the camera cut to get the real chicken out of there before PETA showed up.

Monsoon cuts to an actual wrestling match for once….only its midgets. The Haiti Kid takes on Danny Carpenter in a hilarious midget match. I say it’s hilarious because back then it was legitimately funny before the antics became redundant in the following 10 years.

Ivan Putski teaches women and Vince (wearing a gray plaid overcoat and blue pants) how to polka. Vince may or may not be dancing with Linda, it kind of looks like her but I’m not sure. Either way they’re all having a merry ol time with a legitimate polka band performing in the back. The Crusher and Dick The Bruiser should be there but they’re in the AWA and couldn’t make it.

WWF champion Hulk Hogan finally makes his (and shockingly only) appearance on the August 24, 1984 edition of Tuesday Night Titans making protein shakes for Vince and Alfred to try. Vince tries it and he likes it but when “Awful” Alfred tries it, he promptly throws up. Next!

Back to TNT where it’s Captain Lou’s turn to give love advice. The first letter says her husband is from the old world and doesn’t wear deodorant, which stinks her out. Lou says that’s fine and what she has to do is mix rubbing alcohol, olive oil, witch hazel and shaving lotion then rub it on him to get rid of the stench. Lou says he doesn’t wear deodorant because he doesn’t smell then laughs at himself. Heh, couldn’t even keep a straight face on that one. If you notice a pattern developing is that nobody is taking any of this shit seriously. Heels and faces alike are laughing at themselves and even Vince is laughing along with them rather than at them. The next letter says her husband is too fat and Albano says he can’t stand fat people. Vince asks what he classifies himself as and Lou claims he’s not fat, its an optical illusion. Lou then rants about fat people which I can’t type out to give the rant true justice, have to see it to appreciate it. The next letter says her husband never takes her cowboy boots off and Lou says he’s going to give the Aerosol companies a lot of business.

Cut to Afa and Sika, former 3 time WWF tag team champions The Wild Samoans who’s cooking up quite a feast for Vince and Alfred. Alfred compares the odor of the cooking to the bubonic plague. Vince asks what’s cookin’ and the Samoans answer in their native tongue. They then bring out a huge mackerel, analyze it then put it in the cooking pot. Alfred comes over and is grossed out as they dissect a squid or something. Vince asks the Samoans to offer a sample to Alfred who reluctantly takes a bite. His facial expression says it all. Back on the set, Afa and Sika enjoy their meal as Alfred and Vince wonder what exactly they are eating. Vince orders Alfred to get the recipe for the home viewers later.

Monsoon shills the next segment as the most hilarious blooper. The famous WWF tag team championship match between “Soulman” Rocky Johnson and “Mr USA” Tony Atlas vs The Wild Samoans on November 15, 1983. Finally some wrestling. To keep this review short the blooper is the ref takes a bump which has Lou Albano interfering with a wooden chair. He goes to clock Atlas with it but Tony moves and Afa takes the chair to the head, which gets stuck on him as he falls backward. Atlas makes the cover as the ref revives and Johnson/Atlas are your new champions. Watching in a New York bar that night was an 18 year old college freshman named Mick Foley. Also watching was Rocky Johnson’s 11 year old son Dwayne. Wonder what became of Mick and Dwayne…. Anyway, we go to another TNT segment where Vince questions Lou about what went down during the tag match. Albano blames the Samoans and not himself for costing them the match, ha.

Salvatore Bellomo makes an appearance on TNT to cook pizza for Vince and Alfred. Again, Salvatore was a bonafide jobber to the heels in his WWF career but he was featured on these shows to at least attempt to get him over. This was the one thing the AWA and NWA lacked because their mid-carders were told to keep their mouths shut and do what they were told while WWF guys were told to do whatever the heck they wanted in order to get over and draw money. Anyway Bellomo, Vince and Alfred don ridiculous chefs hats as Salvatore prepares the pizza. Vince “There’s a bit of powder on your nose Alfred, not the first time I’ve seen THAT.” Holy shit that was cutting edge and this was 1984!

Now we go to former tag team champions Adrian Adonis and Dick Murdoch on a road trip for the September 25, 1984 Tuesday Night Titans. This was an interesting combination as Dick was the redneck rebel from Texas while Adonis was the New York street thug. They visit the Texas ranches first with Adonis attempting to get on a horse only to fall off. Then “Mean” Gene Okerlund joins Adonis (wearing a Nike t-shirt) and Murdoch as they walk the streets of New York City. Adrian runs into “old friends” hanging out before showing an open fire hydrant and saying that’s his old shower. A mangy red dog shows up and Adonis plays with it as Dick marvels at the city. The trio stops by a hot dog stand where lunch is on Adrian. Okerlund asks the vendor what kind of dogs they are and the vendor clearly can’t speak English. Murdoch orders a dog with mustard on it and takes a bite, he liked it apparently. He then shoves it into Adrian’s mouth who mumbles before Okerlund says time to go and he’s not picking up the tab. Cheapskate!

Monsoon then shows us a highlight package which is just the opening montage out of order with a flew other clips thrown in. Least they tried to something a little different.

Now it’s “Luscious” Johnny Valiant’s turn for love advice on TNT. The first letter says that her husband’s physique pales in comparison to WWF wrestlers and she has no idea what to do. Johnny V at first misunderstands the phrase but then says “Quit lookin over your guys shoulder. Quit lookin at the guy cutting the grass or the guy hitchhiking on the turnpike!” Next letter is from a guy who says he put a wrestling mask on his wife during playtime and it made things better. Johnny “Depending on who I was with I woulda done that myself!” The next letter is from a rich, attractive woman who has a fetish for ugly men (who the hell wrote THAT one?) and asks if any WWF superstar matches the criteria. Johnny answers Hulk Hogan and hypes up Brutus Beefcake as the ultimate ladies man. V then rattles off Tito Santana, Junkyard Dog and Sgt Slaughter as uglies and makes the comment “I heard that Slaughter wrote to the lonely hearts club and he got a letter back saying they weren’t THAT lonely”. The next letter is a guy who has a fantasy of being in a 16-20 man battle royal. Johnny asks what kind of health insurance the guy has for wanting to be in such a dangerous environment. He gets cut off as we go back to Monsoon.
Next up is Andre The Giant who cracks a joke comparing “Big” John Studd to Sky Low Low (the midget legend) and then reveals all his clothes are custom made in Japan except his boots which come from Texas. Andre then covers Alfred’s head with his hand to show how massive he is. Andre then sings The Fish Song which he picked up on his last tour in Japan. He’s got a legit reggae band as he pretends to swim like a fish.

Roddy Piper makes his appearance and he’s got Captain Lou with him on Piper’s Pit. Lou marvels at the gold record Girls Just Wanna Have Fun turned into then promises to bring Cindy Lauper on a future episode of the Pit. The scene cuts to Cindy on the set where Lou comes in and takes credit for all her success, which pisses her off. Lou tells her to shut up and says all women are slime. Piper backs up Albano and they both get in her face. Lou calls her a broad and she flips, literally, flipping over the table then attacking Lou and Piper. David Wolff himself runs out to save Cindy. The fact Lou was the one who began the Rock N Wrestling Connection cannot be overstated. For those that don’t know, Albano and Cindy Lauper just happened to be riding on the same plane together and from that, they struck up a friendship. This included Albano making a cameo in Lauper’s famous video Girls Just Wanna Have Fun as her “father”. What this led to was a WWF/MTV crossover that drew A LOT of money. Sure Hogan ruled the wrestling world in 1984 but he didn’t have the proper mainstream appeal until he appeared with the others on MTV in 1985. When MTV aired Brawl To End It All and War To Settle The Score, now WWF were pulling in casual fans as well as wrestling fans. So now with Piper established as MTV and WWF’s number one heel, the first Wrestlemania came to fruition. All this because Captain Lou just happened to be on a plane with Cindy.

Another “bodyslams” montage only they use the orchestral ending theme from the end of the early Coliseum Videos.

Up last was a legendary, lengthy segment where Paul “Butcher” Vachon’s wedding would be televised. The recently departed Maurice “Mad Dog” Vachon was an AWA legend and a certifiable mad man in the business. His younger brother Paul was equally insane and the duo ran roughshod over Canadian and American territories in the 60’s and 70’s. It should be noted that legendary women’s wrestler Luna Vachon is actually Paul’s adopted daughter, not Mad Dog’s. The segment begins with Vince interviewing a fan outside and asking what the woman looks like if she’s going to marry Butcher, the fan points to his dog which makes Vince laugh. Inside the reception is nearly every heel on the roster with Vince and Alfred hosting. I see Afa, Sika, Junior (Afa’s 19 year old son who would eventually become Headshrinker Fatu, The Sultan and Rikishi), George Steele, Fabulous Moolah, Jesse “The Body” Ventura, “Dr D” Dave Schultz, Sky Low Low, Howard Finkel, Freddie Blassie and Lou Albano all enjoying the festivities. We start with the gift opening and the first one is a box of rubber bands graciously donated by Captain Lou. The next give is a pair of glasses donated by Freddie Blassie who runs down Paul saying the ring on her finger was the same one on the first 5 wives he’s had (a lie but a hilarious one). “Why don’t ya buy her some real diamonds ya cheapskate!” Vince looks around for someone to make a toast and he settles on George “The Animal” Steele. Figures, the one guy who couldn’t talk. The heel cheers him on and after working the crowd he shouts “perpendicular!!” as Albano cheers. Vince looks disgusted as Albano grabs the mic and starts ranting and raving. Albano shills his Samoan stable then toasts “Open your teeth, open your gums, lookout stomach here it comes!” Vince goes to interview Howard but Albano comes over again “I got a girl who lives on a hill, she won’t but her sister will!” The Body wants to say a few words “The scum always rises to the top of the water.” Ooooook. Sky Low Low is next. He basically runs down Albano for talking too much and says “What the hell do you want, a toaster?” The French Canadian born Sky Low Low was one of the best midget wrestlers ever with a physique second to none. Most midgets didn’t live past 50 and he was 56 at the time of this wedding to give an idea how good a shape he was in. Albano swears at him in Italian as Low Low fires back in his French much to Sika’s delight. Blassie comes over to antagonize Low Low before things get settled. Vince goes over to “Dr. D” Dave Schultz who is bleeped out while running down everyone in the room. Guess he must have said something more suitable for the Attitude Era. Paul and his wife dance by themselves as Albano continuously burps into the microphone causing Ventura to crack up. Albano then goes over to sing a few bars before removing his shirt much to Vince’s disgust. George kisses Paul much to his dismay. Albano then threatens to moon Vince who tells the camera to cut away. Once action resumes the wife is dancing with Low Low…and pretty good too. Albano counters by dancing with Low Low’s date/gf/wife/whatever then Mad Dog gets on the dance floor with Moolah. The dancing of Albano and the midget lady causes Blassie to crack up laughing. Next, Albano and the Samoans attempt to sing before bringing Low Low to sing with them. Fatu looks to be having a blast as Albano pours what’s left of his beer can down the back of Low Low’s pants. We then cut to the dessert where the wife refuses to eat the customary first piece of cake so a grumpy Dr. D shows up and shoves a pie in her face. Albano then nails Low Low in the head with a pie as Paul laughs at the display of slapstick. A pie fight develops with Alfred getting nailed by Dr D. Schultz nails Vince himself in the face. Vince grabs a pie and nails George Steele with it. A slapstick pie fight envelops with champagne being sprayed as well. Blassie appears to have survived the pies but a sneaky Ventura dumps a can of something on him. That was something else and a lot of fun to watch.

We end the tape with two montages, one of what we just saw and the second being the customary ending orchestral theme. Before we sign off we get a previews for BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 2, ANDRE THE GIANT and MOST UNUSUAL MATCHES…..guess the first 4 tapes (including this one) were released together and those 3 were released together as well. As for this….wow. What a way to make your debut huh? As a standalone tape I thought it was entertaining. Remember this was the beginning of Vince Jr’s takeover of the wrestling world which added entertainment on top of wrestling. I’ll say this though; most of the skits were fun to watch especially with ¾ of the tape involving the heels. Not only that but Hogan only appeared briefly and he was the world champion. If you’re looking for important, blow away matches then look elsewhere. If you’re looking to have 70 minutes of fun then this one’s for you. I’ll give it 4 out of 5 stars just because it was an outrageous way to make your home video debut. A point off for the simple fact it’s a bloopers tape with little in ring action. The next tape in line is HULKAMANIA so we’ll pick up there.