Wrestling’s Living Legend Bruno Sammartino (WF023)

WRESTLING’S LIVING LEGEND: BRUNO SAMMARTINO (WF023)

What can you say about Bruno Sammartino that hasn’t already been said? He carried the WWWF on his back for the better part of 20 years as wrestling shifted from reality to sports entertainment. From 1963 to his first retirement in 1980, Bruno was synonymous with the WWF. Then when he came back in 1985 to help his son, he competed again on and off for 2 more years before having a falling out with Vince McMahon. Of course, that’s a story for another day. This was 1986 and Bruno was still in Vince’s good graces. With personality profile tapes on Hulk Hogan (HULKAMANIA 1) Roddy Piper (ROWDY RODDY PIPER’S GREATEST HITS), ANDRE THE GIANT, and even Captain Lou Albano (THE LIFE AND TIMES OF CAPTAIN LOU ALBANO), it was time for Bruno to get his fair share. Unfortunately most of Bruno’s best work in the 60’s and early 70’s has been lost to time. But is there enough of his second and third runs to make this tape watchable? Let’s find out. Cue the 1985 Coliseum Video intro and “Mean” Gene Okerlund greets us. He says he won’t be the only host, he brings in Bruno Sammartino himself to guest host. Gene runs down the action before sending us to our first match.

 
Match 1

Nikolai Volkoff vs Bruno Sammartino (with Arnold Skaaland) for the WWWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentator Vince McMahon

 

October 25, 1976 (Mean Gene incorrectly says 1975) in Madison Square Garden saw Nikolai gun for the title. Nikolai had just turned 29 years old at the time and Bruno had just turned 41, both of their birthdays were in October. Bruno is in the navy blue trunks and Nikolai in the standard black. Bruno and Nikolai start with a test of mercy as Bruno in the voiceover says he didn’t come to wrestle, he came to annihilate him. Bruno wins the test of the strength with a boot to the mid-section. Volkoff charges but Bruno arm ringers him down. Volkoff gets to his feet but Bruno turns it into a headlock. They charge into each other with Volkoff dropping the champion twice. A third charge is met with an arm drag by Bruno. Bruno goes for the riding pin but Volkoff bridges. Once again we go to a test of strength and this time its Nikolai who goes for the riding pin. Bruno gets to his feet and Volkoff puts the boots to him. Oh no it’s the blatant choke! Volkoff poses for the irate crowd before kicking away. Bruno gets up and now we get the fisticuffs. Left, right, boot, turnbuckle smash. Right, right, right, left, right left right, down goes Volkoff. Bruno covers for 1…no, foot on the rppe. The ref gives Volkoff a standing eight count for some reason before we TAPE EDIT. Bruno synches in a headlock but a bull rush drops both men. A big right hand stuns Volkoff and the cover gets 1…2..nope. Vince says Volkoff could be running out of gas as Bruno rams his head into the mat twice. The ref gives Volkoff another standing eight count but Bruno stomps away to break the count twice. A third kick sends Bruno to the apron where Bruno stands on him until kicking him to the floor. The ref admonishes Bruno and Sammartino refuses to take the count-out victory. Back inside Bruno rallies with a series of right jabs and hooks, plus a big kick to the head. Volkoff staggers around the ring and raises his arm in victory. The ref quickly tells him no. A big headbutt to the mid-section drops the champion and Volkoff gets in a big stomp to the ribs. The cover gets a deuce and we TAPE EDIT again. Bruno whips Nikolai into the corner and rolls him up for 1….2….3 and Bruno wins it. The fans go nuts as Arnold Skaaland gets in the ring to raise Bruno’s arm in victory. We go to the replay before we cut there. Typical Bruno match. A lot of brawling mixed in with a few holds, but then again that was Nikolai’s style as well. Usually that doesn’t translate well and the crowd didn’t appear to be into it…but then again that could just be sound mixing which WWE is notorious for now. Not the most exciting of contests but let’s move on.
Time of match: An unofficial 8:15 (officially 19:11)

Winner: Bruno Sammartino by pinfall (still WWF Champion)
No nonsense, onto the next one.
Match 2

Baron Von Raschke (with Classy Freddie Blassie) vs Bruno Sammartino (with Arnold Skaaland) for the WWWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentator: Vince McMahon

 

Now here’s a treat, Baron Von Raschke in a WWF ring. For you youngsters, Baron was a mainstay in the AWA on and off for 20 years. He was a state wrestling champion in high school, Big Eight champion in college, the AAU Greco-Roman AND freestyle wrestling champion and was on the 1964 olympic wrestling team but didn’t place. He then turned into Baron Von Raschke, an evil German (he’s from Nebraska) who had a gangly body and shaved head. His trademark catch phrase was “and that is all the people need to know!” and his finisher was the claw. This match was from March 28, 1977 one month before he would drop the title to Superstar Billy Graham. Age and injuries caught up with the 41 year old champion and this would be one of his last big title defenses. Baron is in his standard gear of long black trunks with red stripe with Bruno in the green. Baron doesn’t wait for the bell, attacking Bruno in the corner. Baron wraps up Bruno with his robe and pounds away on him. Baron stomps away as Bruno in the voiceover brings up Raschke’s amateur background and he caught him off guard with brutal brawling as he expected scientific wrestling. Baron slugs away in the corner, whips him and hiptosses Bruno. An elbow drop and cover gets a 1 count as the ref was out of position. Rashcke gives the sign for the claw but Bruno kicks him in the ribs and floors him with an uppercut. A big uppercut has the crowd roaring and charges with the big knee in the corner. Bruno unloads with lefts and rights in the corner and sends him down with a big knee. The crowd is much more into this than they were with Nikloai shown earlier. Raschke bails to the apron before he gets back in. A whip of Bruno is met with a scoop slam by Baron. The cover gets a nearfall and he gives the sign for the claw again. They exchange brawling tactics before Bruno whips Baron into the corner. A whip off the rope is met with a backdrop and the cover gets a deuce. Two arm drags have Baron bailing to the outside as we TAPE EDIT to what looks to be 10 seconds later. Baron gestures toward Skaaland and to the irate crowd as the NY police backs the crowd up. Back inside Baron begs off but Bruno comes back with boots and uppercut. Bruno pounds away on Baron then delivers a running boot that has Baron in the Andre spot. Bruno kicks away as the ref releases Raschke. Finally Baron gets some offense with a headlocked punch as he stalks Bruno around the ring. Forearms drop the champion and Baron applies a nerve hold. We get another TAPE EDIT that looks to be 10 seconds later as Bruno begins the comeback. A right hand breaks the hold as Bruno favors the left shoulder. Baron continues to stalk Bruno but he evades him with a series of boots and a hiptoss. Bruno covers but the ref is out of position, near fall. Bruno charges but Raschke scoop slams him. Baron misses the big elbow and a shoulderblock by Bruno drops them both. Bruno shoots the half and gets 1…2…nope, Baron kicked out. Baron begins to slowly puts the boots to Bruno and covers for 1….2.nope. Bruno goes back with punches and knees to the head as some fan in the crowd shouts for Bruno. Bruno goes to the fisticuffs that drop Rashcke and Bruno covers….foot on the rope. Another TAPE EDIT has Bruno kicking Raschke around the ring. Another uppercut sends Raschke over the top rope to the floor. Bruno goes out to get him but Raschke sends Bruno in, getting his foot caught in the rope. Raschke grabs a plastic chair and slides into the ring. Baron waffles Bruno with it. Someone pelts the ring with garbage as Baron continues to kick away at the champion. The ref finally calls for the bell as the crowd starts getting unruly. Baron applies the dreaded claw but Tony Garea, Larry Zybysko and someone else hit the ring to pry Raschke off. Meanwhile the referee and Arnold Skaaland try to free Bruno. Having three guys to pry Baron off is good for heel heat. The announcer says Bruno has won by DQ as a sign in the crowd says “Bruno is Uno”. We cut here. Another match that turned into a brawl. Lou Thesz once said Bruno couldn’t wrestle, all he could do is brawl. Sounds a lot like Hacksaw Jim Duggan to be honest. Sure both he and Bruno COULD wrestle, but it was better for their character that they didn’t. Then again Bruno never played a character. Back then, Bruno got away with it because fans paid to see realism and that’s what they got. My grandfather used to scoff when I had wrestling on as a kid and Lex Luger would pop up after getting beat on for 5 minutes like nothing happened. Bruno would make the big comeback but would be winded or favoring a body part. The art of selling got lost in the 90’s and its even worse now. In terms of match quality, the crowd was into it but not his best work. I can forgive it only because Bruno was physically weak after carrying the company for the past 12 years. Think Hogan in 1992 or Austin by 2002 (although in his case, 4 years). Bruno would drop the title a little more than a month later.

 

Time of match: An unofficial 8:12 ( officaly 17:45)

Winner: Bruno Sammartino by DQ (still WWWF Champion)
Moving right along to the next match
Match 3

Bruno Sammartino (with Arnold Skaaland) vs Ken Patera

Commentator: Vince McMahon

 

After Bruno dropped the title to Billy Graham in Baltimore, Bruno shifted to Ken Patera the Olympic strongman. August 29, 1977 in Madison Square Garden saw the two legitimate strongmen go at it. We’re joined in progress as Patera is in the gray singlet and Bruno the green trunks. Bruno has a rear chinlock on as Bruno in the voiceover says he trained for the match by power lifting to match strength. Bruno says its one of the greatest bouts he ever had. Bruno stomps away at Patera flails and begs around as Bruno challenges him to come on. Bruno goes to the fisticuffs in the corner as Patera looks dazed. The ref gives Patera the standing eight count but Ken recovers with a series of boots to the head. Patera “Get up boyyyyy!” The crowd boos as Bruno does, in fact, get up. Bruno is whipped to the buckle as Patera scoop slams him. Patera drops an elbow but misses the second attempt. Patera clutches his right elbow but knees Bruno in the head. Once again we get fisticuffs as a shoulderblock drops both men as the bell inadvertently rings. Vince on commentary doesn’t mention it but the crowd is totally confused. Meanwhile Patera continues the onslaught with forearms to the neck. Patera misses the mark as Bruno rams his head into the mat. Bruno dazes Ken with a knee to the forehead and follows with a scoop slam. Bruno covers for 1…2…nope. A big right hand staggers Ken and an atomic drop sends Ken through the ropes to the apron. The referee gives Patera the standing eight count but Bruno stops the count with repeated kicks. Ken falls like a tree as Bruno backdrops Ken. Vince says victory appears imminent for Bruno but the cover only gets two. Patera rolls to the apron and babyface Sammartino lets him lie there. Patera slides back in and Bruno greets him with an uppercut. Patera returns the greeting with a low blow. Vince “Patera reaching for the abdominals”, bullshit Vince. Patera wobbles to the corner where he drops second rope boots to the back. Patera really sells being dizzy and we get a blatant choke! What a heel! Ken whips Bruno off and scoop slams him. Patera poses for the irate crowd and says “Wooooooo:” Patera covers Bruno but only gets a two. They brawl for a bit before Bruno slugs him into the corner. More fisticuffs end with a whip to the other corner. Patera bails to the apron and applies a full nelson from the outside. He follows Bruno back in the ring and Bruno goes for the “momentum rams Patera” spot but Patera stops and reapplies the full nelson. Bruno kicks off the buckle and it turns into a german suplex pin. The ref counts 1….2..Bruno gets the shoulder up…3…and there’s your winner. Ken thinks he’s won it as the crowd knows the truth. The ref raises Bruno’s arm in victory as Patera can’t believe it. Fink gets in the ring with a really bad comb-over and even worse 70’s tux and announces Bruno the winner. Another bad match and actually, I’m starting to believe what Ole Anderson said in his shoot interview. He said that Bruno was limited as a wrestler and the only reason he lasted so long at the top was that he wrestled the big cards every few months so fans didn’t see him often. That’s actually a great point because by the mid 90’s when guys were on once or twice a week, fans saw them more often and would point out every flaw they could. Great Khali was roasted over the coals for his “work” but that’s because fans saw him once or twice a week instead of every 3 or 4 months.
Time of match: 12:13

Winner: Bruno Sammartino by pinfall
We keep rolling to one of the most infamous feuds of the 70’s.
Match 4

Killer Kowalski vs Bruno Sammartino for the WWWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentator: Vince McMahon

 

Back to April 29, 1974 in Madison Square Garden for this epic encounter between the legendary Kowalski and Bruno. I’ll give a disclaimer before the match, this isn’t going to be pretty. Both were brawlers and both were nearly or over 40 but let’s see if the crowd intensity carries it. We’re joined in progress as Kowalski is in standard gear with Bruno in the black trunks. Bruno chases him around the ring and tackles him as Okerlund in the voiceover says Kowalski was such a madman he ripped an opponent’s ear off and laughed at him in the hospital. The truth is Kowalski dropped a knee on Yukon Eric (no not the Lumberjacks from TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS) who had badly cauliflowered ears and the ear came off by accident. Kowalski visited Eric in the hospital and they laughed together about the incident. The newspapers didn’t want to break kayfabe so they printed that Kowalski came to the hospital to laugh AT him. It established Kowalski as a viscious heel that carried him his whole career. Think Chris Benoit getting the nickname “crippler” by breaking Sabu’s neck. Anyway Bruno fireman carries Kowalski down, who crufixes the champion. Bruno in the voiceover praises Killer for his stamina, saying he once wrestled him for 90 minutes straight. Not bad since Kowalski was 47 years old at this time. Bruno and Killer exchange actual wrestling holds for pinfall attempts as Bruno in the voiceover says Killer was the toughest man he ever faced. Killer chokes Bruno on the bottom rope before kicking him on the ground. Killer goes for the blatant choke and the ref doesn’t even attempt to stop him. The crowd gets into it as Killer goes up to the top. Bruno throws him off the top and scoop slams him. Bruno covers for 1…2…nope. Bruno goes for a surfboard but Killer makes it to the ropes. Bruno looks out toward the crowd and they chair before dropping a knee to the back. Bruno pounds away in the corner but Kowalski gets the upper hand with the iron claw to the ribs. Killer bites the head of Bruno and does the big stomp off the second rope. Back to the iron claw, Bruno kicks him away a few times before picking him up with a double leg shot and dumping him over the top rope. Nice classic wrestling there. Bruno rams him into the post as Killer begins to stall. Back inside Kowalski lands a mediocre forearm as they both look gassed. A dropkick by Kowalski sends Bruno through the ropes to the outside. Back inside Killer scoop slams Bruno and covers for 1…2..nope. 2 big foearms sends Bruno through the ropes to the outside. Some old lady in the front row shouts at Killer as Bruno gets back to the ring steps. Killer catches Bruno on his way into the ring and bites the forehead. Kowalski punches in the corner and continues to bite Bruno. Sammartino finally blades but Kowalski won’t stop punching him in the corner Kowalski shouts at Skaaland and continues to bite and punch. Vince “How much can one man take?” Kowalski continues the onslaught in the corner as Bruno appears to be going for the big comeback. Bruno “Hulks up” ten years before Hogan would and starts beating the ever loving shit out of Kowalski much to the crowd’s delight. The crowd nearly blows the roof off as Bruno annihilates Kowalski with boots and fists. Eventually Kowalski fights back and they continue to slug it out. The crowd goes nuts as the ref calls for the bell…you gotta be kidding me. At least use a chair or do it on the outside if you’re gonna go with that finish. Arnold Skaaland tries to pry Bruno away from Kowalski as Chief Jay Strongbow, Pedro Morales and one of the Japanese wrestlers get in to stop the fight. Kowalski bails to the back as Vince says its absolute mayhem in the Garden. Sammartino complains to Morales as the announcer gets in the ring. The crowd isn’t happy with the decision but Bruno stomps around the ring, ready for round two with Kowalski. Arnold and Strongbow raises Bruno’s arms in victory as we cut here. Now that’s more like it. Ring of Honor spotfest jagoff marks can complain about the match being “shit” but they don’t know shit about wrestling to begin with. The story being told is Bruno trying to counter the dirty tactics of Kowalski with brawling. After Kowalski opened him up, he made the big comeback and the crowd loved it. The fans left thinking “Damn that was fun” and that’s the point. Who cares if they didn’t do triple moonsaults into reverse monkey fuckers or worked a half crab leg lock like Ole Anderson for 30 straight minutes?
Time of match: Joined in progress (officially 24:15)

Winner: Draw, Double DQ.
We now break the action for a little interview in the studio with Bruno and Okerlund. Okerlund says Bruno main evented the Garden 211 times and Okerlund says Bruno is the greatest of all time. Bruno says he’s been on top for 22 years (in WWWF, he started in 1959) as we get a graphic saying Bruno won the heavyweight title in 55 seconds on May 17, 1963. Bruno to this day claims the match was a shoot and knowing Buddy Rogers reputation, Bruno may be right. Bruno says he wrestled in Italy and played soccer until World War 2 broke out. He started power-lifting when he got to America because he was physically weak hiding in the mountains of Abruzzi. He set the world records in weight lifting in 1959 and a graphic shows Bruno picking up the 600 pound Haystacks Calhoun. Okerlund says Bruno vs Pedro in Shea Stadium was one of his favorites. Bruno says it rained all weekend and it was still a great match. Wish they could have shown that one on this tape. Bruno says you need to put forth your best effort in wrestling. Bruno is actually sweating and says in life, take care of your friends and family. We TAPE EDIT (yeah, on an interview) and Okerlund asks which generation is better, old or new. Bruno says he prefers the old school because of the athletic skill instead of the “screaming” which he means the promos. Bruno “Everything is hate, hate hate” It’s a nice babyface interview but the reality would be far worse which I’ll get to later. Okerlund asks him how he’s transitioning to announcer and Bruno says he’s not the best at it and gives credit to Gene, Monsoon and Vince for being able to do it. Gene asks if Bruno will come out of retirement and Bruno says he doesn’t do it for the money, he does it for the challenge. He says he wants to go in there against guys half his age and beat them because of his clean lifestyle. He was right on the money there. He’s still alive and kicking in 2016 while most everyone who competed at Wrestlemania’s 6 and 7 five years after this tape was released are currently dead. Okerlund concludes the interview by calling him the king of sports. The REAL reason Bruno started to detest wrestling was because it went from wrestling to sports entertainment. The sillyness of TNT plus the pageantry of Wrestlemania and the onslaught of fake wrestling, culminating in Vince coming out in public saying wrestling is scripted….drove Bruno away. He pretty much said to hell with WWE from 1988 to 2013 when he returned to be inducted into the Hall of Fame. Those 25 years gone was a waste of time that nobody would ever get back. Good interview.

 

Next up is a special Piper’s Pit from October 21, 1985 in Madison Square Garden. Piper tells the crowd to kiss his ass and Bruno says “I never liked Piper” in the voiceover. Piper in real time “Ladies….no wait, we’re in New York. PEOPLE!!!” Hahaha. Bruno runs out and Bob Orton sets up a chair next to Piper’s. Bruno “You want to interview me? Get rid of this garbage” and he motions toward Orton. BURN! Bruno threatens Piper that he’ll bring in one of his friends to counter Orton unless Bob leaves. Orton wants to rumble but Piper whispers in his ear and sends him away. Piper “I have nothing to fear.” Piper “Are you a happy person now? Have a seat.” Piper “You’ll still be able to get up won’t you?” Piper waves the air “Garlic for lunch? You know we sit here face to face and I look at you, you’re so much uglier than I am.” Piper says people told him to call Bruno the “living legend”. Bruno cuts him off “You know why they call me the living legend, is because I’ve met many, many big mouthed people and I shut them all.” Piper gets up and retreats and Bruno stands up as well. Piper “You fought here at Madison Square 211 times, correct?” Bruno “That’s correct” Piper “How stupid can you be to wrestle 211 times when you’re all washed up?” Bruno “The 211th time I kicked my opponent’s butt so I couldn’t have been too washed up.” Piper “I noticed you lost a little weight” Bruno “I’m no longer 265, I’m 245. I’m in shape.” Bruno “I lost a lot of hair, just like my father, he lived to be 95.” Piper “Where are you from?” Bruno “I’m from Italy. By the way, in Italy we don’t wear skirts.” The crowd cheers and Piper retreats. Piper “It aint me that’s got a fat, little puke son running around imposing on daddy’s name.” Bruno “Don’t you get smart with me, interview me like a man or get out of here.” Piper “You think 15 years ago in your prime you could take someone like me who’s in my prime now. I know your ears are nasty and your nose is smeared all over your face, but try to think about it.” Bruno “15 years ago I would have squashed you like a grape and I could squash you like a grape now.” Piper “You stupid wop man!” Oh snap! Bruno shoves Piper on his ass and the crowd goes nuts. Piper waffles Bruno with the chair and goes to town on Bruno with it. The crowd pelts the ring with garbage as Piper rips Bruno’s shirt off. Piper kicks away at Bruno and sheds his own shirt. Monsoon on commentary says people will come out to save Bruno soon. Ventura on commentary says Bruno started it. Bruno then rallies with right hands, grabs a chair, swings at Piper and misses. Piper runs into Orton outside and they bail to the back. Bruno stands tall in the ring. The crowd starts a Bruno chant and we cut here. Now that was pretty damn good. Piper stung with insults but Bruno answered every single one of them. This was to set up Piper/Bruno now that Piper/Hogan had ended.
Match 5

Bruno Sammartino vs “Rowdy” Roddy Piper

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura

 

December 7, 1985 in the Boston Garden saw the 31 year old Piper take on the now 50 year old Bruno. We’re joined in progress as both men are in standard blue trunks. Bruno rams Piper’s head into the ring post and Bruno in the voiceover saying he warned fans before the match that this was going to be a wild brawl. At least he was honest. Bruno on the floor rams Piper into various scenery as Monsoon calls this a pier six brawl. Piper is already busted open as Piper drops from a boot to the ribs. Piper begs off as Monsoon brings up the Piper’s Pit that brought this on. Bruno wipes out the referee after going to town on Piper and he apologizes. Piper takes advantage with a low blow and covers for 1…2…nope. Monsoon and Ventura praise Bruno’s stamina at 50 years old. Piper then goes to town on Bruno with a series of punches as referee Danny Davis checks the wound. Bruno rallies with right hands but an eye gouge stops the momentum. Piper sends Bruno to the outside and goes out after him. Piper rams Bruno head first into the steel barricade as Ventura says Piper looks to be in rough shape. Monsoon calls Piper gutsy as Bruno rallies with kicks that sends Piper outside. Piper goes for the exit but Bruno gets out and throws Piper back in. Piper and Bruno continue to brawl as Piper tries to bail again. Once again Bruno catches him and throws Roddy back inside. Piper begs off as the crowd cheers Bruno. Piper crawls away and Bruno exposes Roddy’s ass trying to bring him back in the ring. Piper punches and claws to stall Bruno and an axehandle floors Bruno. Ventura says before the match he’d give the stamina edge to Piper but now he’s not so sure. Monsoon says Bruno’s been running 5 miles a day 3 times a week. Did I mention he was 50? No wonder he’s still alive now. Bruno unloads on Piper when Cowboy Bob Orton runs in for the DQ. Bruno cuts him off and starts pounding away on Orton. Bruno cleans both of them out,tossing Orton over the top to the floor. Bruno visciously attacks Piper when Orton cracks Bruno with the cast on the back of the neck. Orton and Piper get the upperhand as Orton tosses Danny Davis aside. Piper even decks Davis for good measure. Orton and Piper tie Bruno in the ropes Andre style. Orton drops Davis one more time as Piper and Orton celebrate. We cut here and that was pretty good. Once again, throw catch as catch can out the window and go by pure intensity and story. The 50 year old Bruno proved he can still hang with the contemporaries.
Time of match: Joined in progress

Winner: Bruno Sammartino by DQ
Moving right along to the next match.
Match 6

Bruno Sammartino and “Mr Wonderful” Paul Orndorff vs “Rowdy” Roddy Piper and “Cowboy” Bob Orton

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura

 

This match actually predates the last one. This was from September 28, 1985 in Boston Garden. Orndorff has a cast on his right arm to counter the one on the left of Orton. Both are in standard red trunks. Bruno and Piper are in the blue trunks. Paul and Bruno clear the ring as Orndorff drops Piper with the cast. Bruno and Piper brawl on the outside as Paul rams Piper and Orton’s head together. Finally we get started with Paul and Roddy in the corner. Paul chokes Piper with the tag rope and nails Orton for good measure. Orndorff revs up the crowd and tags Bruno in. Piper tags in Orton and Bruno clobbers him. Orton gets the upperhand with his cast and tags in Bruno. Piper slaps Bruno who responds by kicking his ass out of the ring. Bruno follows but Orton catches him. Orton distracts the ref and Piper clobbers Bruno with a wooden chair. Paul throws the chair inside and the referee takes it away. Bruno slides back in as Piper throws away the wooden steps, only for Orton to throw Bruno into them. Piper and Orton do the “I love you” sign in the center of the ring amidst a chorus of boos. Ventura says Bruno should have stayed retired. Ventura “Same thing could happen to you Gorilla” Bruno rallies in the corner and nails Orton but that gives Piper enough time to rake the eyes. Bruno ducks under a clothesline and wallops Piper with a forearm to the chest. Bruno tags in Orndorff who nails Piper with the cast. Paul nails Orton as well and goes for the piledriver on Piper. Bruno runs in to stop Orton but the ref intercepts him. Orton goes to the top and nails Orndorff with the cast. Piper rolls on top and the ref counts 1…..2….NOOOOO, Paul kicked out. Piper rams Orndorff into the corner as some idiot throws a Frisbee into the ring. Piper throws it at Bruno (perfect spiral too) and Orton makes an illegal tag in the ring. Orton covers Orndorff for 1…..2..nope. Orndorff rallies with the cast but Piper tags in. Piper unloads with right hands on the ground but Orndorff goes for the sunset flip. Orndorff pulls Piper’s trunks down and we get an uncensored shot of Piper’s ass as he goes down for 1…2..nope, Orton breaks the count. Piper continues to stomp away with his trunks down before making the tag to Orton. Orton pounds on Orndorff and goes for the piledriver but Orndorff counters with a backdrop. Paul clotheslines Orton down. Bruno finally gets the hot tag as Orton tags in Piper. Bruno throws Piper to the outside and they brawl on the ground. Orton and Orndorff go at it inside. Bruno chucks a chair and Piper’s head and it just barely misses. Piper pokes Bruno in the eyes 3 Stooges style and rolls into the ring to beat the count. The crowd doesn’t like it as Piper gets his hand raised. Piper and Orton retreat to the back before the faces can get to them. The announcer says the heels have won it by a count-out. That was a high intensity match but what’s the point of showing Sammartino losing? Once again, on a profile tape, Bruno loses. Unlike the almighty Hulkster who can’t lose….right? Ventura goes to the replay as Monsoon says both of them should have been counted out.
Time of match: Joined in progress

Winners: Piper and Orton by count-out
We finish up by going back to the past…..WHY?
Match 7

George “The Animal” Steele vs Bruno Sammartino for the WWWF Heavyweight Championship in a Steel Cage Match

Commentator: Gorilla Monsoon

 

We go back to July 25, 1970, no idea where we are, joined in progress during Bruno’s first run as champion for the cage match with Steele. This is pretty grainy footage and Steele attacks Bruno, tearing Bruno’s wig off. Steele also attacks Bruno with turnbuckle stuffing. Steele kicks Bruno from pillar to post and Bruno makes the exact same comeback he made against Killer Kowalski earlier. Monsoon says that was his trademark. Steele goes to escape and Bruno goes apeshit on him. Bruno sends him into the cage and continues to unload with punches. Bruno rams him into the steel ringpost. Bruno sends him into the cage again and Steele is out cold. Bruno steps through the ropes, down the steps and out of the cage as the crowd cheers. At least it was short. No idea why this was placed at the end but oh well.
Time of match: Joined in progress (officially 13:14)

Winner: Bruno Sammartino (still WWWF Champion)
The credits roll and this one is history. Time for the previews. We get BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 8, MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE AND ELIZABETH and WWF’S EXPLOSIVE TNT SHOW. As for this one, it’s a shame we couldn’t get Bruno’s best work. Most of Bruno’s best work was during his first run as champion back before video footage was commonplace. Ole Anderson was right when he said seeing Bruno too often would explose his limited wrestling skills so seeing Bruno punch and kick for 80 minutes straight did become a bit redundant. But that’s just the in ring work, in terms of match intensity, storylines and realism, you bet your sweet ass this tape delivered. Wrestling was presented as real back then and Bruno embodied it. Natural muscles, natural conditioning and brawling tactics anyone would use in a street fight. Fans still talk about Bruno to this day as one of the greatest and this shows why. By 1986 he was nearing the end of the line and it was great for Vince to showcase him before he left. I give the tape 3 out of 5, 2 points off for the crappy in-ring work but definitely worth watching for classic, realistic wrestling. Plus the Piper segments were gold. We go from real to silly very quickly as the next tape after this is Best of The WWF Volume 7.

Villains of the Squared Circle (WF022)

 

VILLAINS OF THE SQUARED CIRCLE (WF022)

Like I had mentioned on ROWDY RODDY PIPER’S GREATEST HITS, the WWF had hit on a revolutionary concept. Showcasing the top babyface stars was nothing new in wrestling. From Verne Gage acting in The Wrestler, to Jerry Lawler being all over Memphis to WWF’s own Hulkamania. However, what all the regional territories failed to capitalize on was the other side of the spectrum. You didn’t see a Nick Bockwinkel t-shirt or video tape. You saw Lawler but was there a spotlight on Bill Dundee? There was no 4 Horseman tape in the Carolina’s. The WWF was the first to truly market and specialize the heels as well as the faces. We saw Roddy Piper get his own tape and some of the heel managers were highlighted in THE AMAZING MANAGERS but this one, we got em all. This tape is to showcase the villains both past and present that ran roughshod over the WWF. Will it be good to highlight the bad? Let’s find out. Cue the 1985 Coliseum Video opening and Mean Gene Okerlund is our host today….scratch that. He introduces guest hosts Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd. Heenan says Okerlund to keep his mouth shut. Studd says he’s not a villain, he’s a very aggressive wrestler. Bundy says they’re winners. Okerlund and Heenan go back and forth and Studd says Okerlund is gonna get the splash before the tape is over. Okerlund runs down what we’re about to see as the truo howl with laughter. We then go to our first bout.
Match 1

Jake “The Snake” Roberts vs Scott McGee

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Alfred Hays and Ernie Ladd

April 22, 1986 in Madison Square Garden is the date and venue for this non-legendary squash match. Okerlund in the voiceover says Roberts is the newest heel in the WWF and Heenan scoffs at the terminology Okerlund uses to describe him. The bell sounds and Roberts is in the purple tights with green snake imprints while McGee is in the red trunks. Roberts unload with right hands and rams McGee into the corner. Studd says he’s not afraid of snakes and Bundy says there are no asterisks in the record books, only says whether they won or lost. Okerlund sends it to the actual broadcast team as Roberts decks McGee with a right hand. Roberts goes for the snake in the bag but then delivers a stomach breaker. Roberts smiles as he rams McGee’s face into the ground twice and slithers around. Ladd asks Monsoon about Miguel Perez Sr and Monsoon says his son is wrestling now. Yeah, 10 years later he’d be one of the founding fathers of Los Borriquas. Back to live action, Roberts counters a running roll up but turns around into a dropkick. Roberts runs into a snap suplex and McGee wastes no time with a gut-wrench suplex and a pinfall attempt for 1….2..no. Jake slithers out of the ring as Monsoon and Ladd scoffs. McGee chases him back into the ring where he hiptosses Jake. A kneedrop stuns Jake and a pinfall attempt gets two. Jake begs off but McGee drags him into the center of the ring. McGee stomps Jake in the stomach then takes him down. Monsoon says Jake landed on the external occipital protuberance area as Ladd says “you lost me at the last red light.” McGee misses a knee drop and Jake hits the arm wrench/short arm clothesline combo. Jake goes for a scoop slam but Scott rolls through and goes for another running roll-up. Jake counters and then catches Scott with the D-D-T! Jake taunts the crowd as he makes the cover..1…2….3 and this ones over. Jake immediately goes for the bag where he unleashes the giant python Damien. Ladd asks why they would let Jake bring a snake out to begin with. Alfred marvels at the snake as Fink gets in the ring long enough to announce Jake the winner before skedaddling. Jake sicks Damien on McGee as Monsoon says snakes bite. Yeah, in about 5 years ask Randy Savage how it feels. After a few minutes of torture the crowd starts chanting Hogan as the announcers scoff. In terms of match quality, it was a 4 minute squash so no sense squawking about that. Mainly it was to highlight how devious Jake was to sick a live python on people. It worked tremendously.
Time of match: 4:02

Winner: Jake Roberts by pinfall
Moving right along to the next match
Match 2

Tor Kamata vs Pat Patterson

Commentator: Gorilla Monsoon

The Showdown at Shea on August 9, 1980 was known for the Bruno/Zybysko main event with the Hogan/Andre undercard but this match was apart of it too. We all know who Pat Patterson is, but who the hell is Tor Kamata? He was known as Mr. Moto in the AWA and regional territories where he feuded with Freddie Blassie. His real name is McRonald believe it or not. He was given the name Tor Kamata based off Tomas De Torquemada of the Spanish Inquisition. Guess who gave him that name, Hawaiian promoter Sir Ed Francis, father of New England Patriots tight end Russ who competed in the WRESTLEMANIA 2 battle royal. Three years prior to this match Kamata was used as a heel to get Bob Backlund over, grooming Bob for his feud with Superstar Billy Graham. Kamata attacks Patterson at the bell who Pearl Harbors Patterson as the bell rings. Kamata is in the long black tights and white stripe while Patterson is in the standard black trunks. Monsoon calls him “the big Jap” as Kamata levels Patterson with a dropkick. Try getting away with saying that now. Kamata goes up to the top rope but misses the big splash. Patterson goes up to the top rope and drops a knee. Patterson sheds his ring jacket who stomps away on Tor in the corner. At the time Pat Patterson was 39 and Kamata was 43 years old. Just goes to show age doesn’t make a difference in wrestling sometimes. Patterson whips Kamata in the corner and backdrops him. Monsoon says he went down like yesterday’s garbage. Monsoon brings up Patterson’s heel past as well. Kamata reaches into his tights for the salt and throws it…missing Patterson completely and nailing referee Dick Kroll with it instead. IDIOT! Kroll calls for the bell and this one is over. Patterson rallies with right hands and a scoop slam. Patterson goes for the pinfall and Kroll actually counts a 1 but Kamata kicks out and bails. We go to the replay of Kroll getting nailed and we cut here. Absolutely no idea why this match was included on this tape since Kamata was never a top heel. Maybe Vince was mad at Dick Kroll one day and decided to throw this match into the tape to get back at him for something. Who knows.
Time of match: 2:05

Winner: Pat Patterson by DQ

 

Moving right along to match number three.

 

Match 3

George “The Animal” Steele vs Pedro Morales for the WWWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentator: Vince McMahon

June 30, 1973 in Madison Square Garden saw a different Animal that modern fans know and love. Before Steele became the loveable goofball in the mid 80’s he was a savage heel for many years prior. Here, he takes on the champion. Both are in their standard gear. Morales and Steele trade blows as Steele nails Pedro with a hidden foreign object the ref can’t find. Heenan, Bundy and Studd make fun of Steele in the voiceover saying he’s no longer worth anything since he turned face. Studd “He’s not one of US anymore.” Meanwhile back to 73, Steele stomps away on Morales, send him off and scoop slams him. Steele catches Morales in the throat with the object as the fans scoff. Steele tells the ref he didn’t do anything as he goes to bite the turnbuckle. Meanwhile Morales lands two left handed punches that have the Garden rocking. The camera focuses on the left hand of Steele as Morales backs him around the ring. Morales stuns Steele with an arm drag and Steele retreats to the corner. Morales lands a forearm as we get a TAPE EDIT to Steele dropping Morales with a big punch. The ref once again checks Steele but can’t find anything. George rams Morales into the steel ringpost as screams “yesssss” to the irate crowd. Steele rams him a second time as the ref tries to push Steele away. George rams Morales a third time but the 4th attempt is blocked. Morales rams Steele into the ring post as the crowd goes nuts. Morales rams him into each post and Steele blades. Morales rallies with lefts and rights as flashbulbs go off. Steele begs off and Morales bites the forehead. Morales continues to rally with left hands as the referee checks Steele’s head and calls for the bell. Steele protests but the ref raises Pedro’s arm in victory. George then pulls the foreign object out and waffles Pedro with it. George continues to pound away but Pedro backs Steele away with lefts before he steals the object. Pedro chases Steele to the back as the crowd cheers. Steele runs back out after the announcer gives the news to the crowd but we cut here. As a scientific match, it sucked monkey fuck. In terms of insanity, realism and storytelling, that was awesome. I would have loved to have been in the Garden that night and feel the buzz as Morales tried to counter the “foreign object” of the Animal. Steele was a loveable face, but he was a great, savage heel in his earlier days.
Time of match: 8:16

Winner: Pedro Morales by stoppage (still WWWF champion)

 

Continuing along to match 4
Match 4

“Big Cat” Ernie Ladd vs Andre the Giant

Commentator: Vince McMahon

April 26, 1973 in Madison Square Garden saw the battle of the giants. Ernie Ladd was a legit 6 foot 9 and had played on the 1963 American Football League Champion San Diego Chargers during his football career as a defensive lineman. Then he shattered racial barriers by becoming one of the first black top heels. Most black wrestlers up to that point were loveable fan favorites such as Bearcat Wright, Bobo Brazil and Thunderbolt Patterson…and here comes Ladd as a heel. Andre is in the black trunks and Ernie in the light blue. We’re joined in progress with Andre kicking Ladd around the ring. Andre lands a big punch as Heenan tries to say the taped thumb on Ladd’s hand was 100% legit. Andre hammers away with a big headbutt as Ladd sells it like his head was on fire. Another headbutt drops Ladd into the corner. The ref tells Andre to back off as Ladd reaches for something in his tights. He nails Andre with the big thumb twice, dropping him to the mat. By the way, this was the smaller, leaner 26 year old Andre that could still bump and move around. They’re about equal size here height wise and Andre does have a weight advantage. Andre gets his left arm caught in the top rope and Ernie goes to town with boots. Andre frees himself and Ladd continues t land big right hands including a headlocked punch. Andre then grabs Ernie’s hand and punches him with his own taped thumb. Vince calls it a taste of his own medicine. Andre whips Ernie off and backdrops him. Andre goes for the big splash but Ernie slides out of the way. Ernie bails to the outside and retreats to the back, earning a count-out win for Andre. Vince says Ernie chickened out as the crowd boos Ernie then cheers Andre. That’s one way to keep your heel heat without doing a job. Once again, catch as catch can went out the window but the crowd was still into it with Andre trying to overcome the heel tactics of Ladd. Always great to see both of them, but even better to see the mobile Andre.
Time of match; Joined in progress

Winner: Andre the Giant by count-out
Moving along to match number five
Match 5

Captain Lou Albano vs Gorilla Monsoon

Commentator: Vince McMahon

What a treat. On the same card as Pedro/Steele from earlier was Captain Lou going one on one with Monsoon himself on June 30, 1973. Lou would turn 40 a month later while Gorilla clocked in at 36. Albano was a little lighter In 1973 as Monsoon looks the same as always. Both are in standard gear as Monsoon doesn’t want to wait for the announcer or referee’s instructions. Albano begs off before he takes his ring jacket off. Big John Studd in the voiceover says we’ll be seeing big, giant jellyrolls. Bundy says they’re broken down, old windbags which is ironic as Studd was older at that time (38) than Monsoon was during this match. Albano is built at 275 pounds, Monsoon 401 pounds. The ref tries to hold Monsoon back as he checks him for objects. The ref checks Albano who caters to the irate crowd. The bell rings and immediately Albano bails. He does this a few times before Monsoon lands some forearms in the corner before Lou counters with an eye gouge. Another one follows before Lou hits a third. A fourth one has Monsoon shambles around as the ref asks Albano what he’s up to. Albano continues to work the eye gouge before landing a boot. Monsoon counters with a slap and an eye gouge of his own. Vince “Turnabout is fair play” Monsoon sends Albano off and drops him with a big chop. Two overhand chops has Albano down. Monsoon then chops Albano over the top rope. Albano runs away and Monsoon gets the count out win. The crowd cheers as the ref raises Monsoon’s hand in victory. We go to the replay where Albano flies over the top and bails. Well that was a waste of time. They were better off showing Albano’s victory over Tony Angelo from THE LIFE AND TIMES OF CAPTAIN LOU ALBANO. Instead they showed a minute of Albano eye gouging before running away. Sure he was a villain, but he could have been showcased better than that.
Time of match: 1:43

Winner: Gorilla Monsoon by count-out
No nonsense, onto match 6

Match 6

Andre the Giant and Chief Jay Strongbow vs Blackjack Lanza and Stan “The Man” Stasiak

Commentator: Vince McMahon

We’re still in 1973 as this was from November 12, 1973 in Madison Square Garden. Its also the Coliseum Video debuts of the former WWWF Champion Stasiak and one half of the blackjacks, Lanza. Stasiak’s physique wasn’t really that impressive but he was a vicious heel and would be challenging Pedro Morales less than 3 weeks after this match for the heavyweight title. Stasiak was the first to use the heart punch as a finisher. Lanza and Blackjack Mulligan terrorized the territories as big, bruising cowboy heels throughout the 70’s and early 80’s. Stasiak wants no part of Strongbow so he bails to the apron only for Jay to head scissor him into the ring. Stasiak goes to bail but Jay is snap mared in. An arm drag stuns Stasiak and we get a TAPE EDIT. Stasiak is in the long black tights with red strpe, Strongbow is in the multi-colored trunks. Andre has the blue trunks on, Lanza in standard gear. Stasiak sends Strongbow off the ropes and…rakes the eyes. Stan makes the tag to Lanza and we cut here. Well that was worthless….didn’t even get to see the ending. What the hell were they thinking? At least show the ending. What’s the point of showcasing heels if Lanza hadn’t been in the ring yet?
Time of match: Joined in progress

Winners: Unknown
I dread to think what comes next if they refused to show the ending to that one.
Match 7

Don “The Magnificent” Muraco with Captain Lou Albano vs Special Delivery Jones

Commentator: Vince McMahon and Pat Patterson

Before we get to the Jones match, we’re joined in progress for a quick highlight of Muraco heaving Pedro Morales over the top rope to the outside. Okerlund calls Muraco strange as Bundy, Studd and Heenan praise Don and insult Okerlund. Jones is in the red trunks and Muraco the standard. Jones drops Muraco with a series of arm drags that has Muraco bailing to the outside. Vince says a win over Muraco would make Jones a top contender to the title. Which title Vince? SD Jones hits the sunset flip we see in the 85 Intro before every tape for 1….2…no. SD goes back to the headlock before Muraco counters with a back breaker. Muraco misses a Vader Bomb and SD goes back to the headlock. Patterson praises Jones for his patience. Muraco powers out of the headlock but Jones headbutts Don in the back. A few right hands stun Don and Jones goes back to the headlock takeover. Patterson “Very nice” Vince “The headlock is a defensive type of a hold, not an offensive.” Good call Vince. Muraco gets the upper hand with rights but SD lands left jabs to stun Muraco and a headbutt. Muraco whips SD into the corner where SD goes for the bodypress…only Muraco counters with a powerslam. Muraco hooks the leg and the ref counts the pinfall like in the 85 Opening. Both highlights from this match were used in the montage, nice. Anyway Muraco gets the pinfall victory as Vince says “How about that?” We go back to the instant replay. Good victory by Muraco and its nice to see where the opening montage comes from sometimes.
Time of match: Joined in progress

Winner: Don Muraco by pinfall
We go straight to an episode of TNT where Muraco cuts a promo. Its the same exact one he cut in RICKY THE DRAGON STEAMBOAT except its clipped. Don says there’s no more titles to win and he runs the darkside. Vince says there’s only one way to go, down. Muraco makes fun of Ricky Steamboat saying he likes fat broads (ironic given Bonnie was a looker in her day). Muraco “Put that in your pipe and smoke it brotha”. We go right to the next match after.

Match 8

Ricky Steamboat vs Mr. Fuji

This is the same match from Ricky The Dragon Steamboat only this is just a clip. We’re at the part where Fuji has the nerve hold, Vince calls Fuji a world class wrestler. Steamboat does the fade-then-revive routine. Ricky rakes the eyes and chops Fuji down. Ricky goes upstairs and catches Fuji with the flying crossbody for 1….2..nope, Fuji kicks out. Ricky goes for the big splash but Fuji gets the knees up. Bruno says that’s the first time he’s seen someone kick out of that and Vince says Ricky didn’t hook the leg. Ricky rolls through a back suplex, rolls up Fuji and gets the 1..2….3 to win the match. Steamboat celebrates on the outside as a little girl jumps the guardrail and runs toward Ricky only for her to stop and turn around. Steamboat goes to leave but Don Muraco runs out and hits Ricky in the back with a stool. The stool breaks in half as Fuji runs out and picks up the other half. They continue to beat on Ricky before leaving. Vince calls them dastardly. Now I see why they cut the match short, to show the extracurricular activity by Muraco. What a heel.
Time of match: 4:06

Winner: Ricky Steamboat by pinfall
Next up are “Rowdy” Roddy Piper highlights. Once again we get a clipped showing of Piper’s Pit where he attacks Jimmy Snuka. Then we get the clip of him slapping Alfred Hays across the face on TNT. Then we get a clip of Piper attacking Frankie Williams on Piper’s Pit. Then we get a clip of Piper and Lou Albano exchanging unpleasantries showcased on Albano’s tape. Only this time its extended as Albano flicks Piper on the nose. Piper responds by punching Albano over the couch and calling him a fat piece of garbage. Then we get his exchange with Mr. T that set up Wrestlemania1. All of these highlights are available on his personality profile tape. Then we get some clips of Piper in the ring. Only before that, Bundy tells Okerlund to shut up for calling him a jellyroll. Ha! Studd “Piper is a great friend of ours.”The clips of Piper and Schultz beating up Andre, Piper’s match with Snuka from St. Louis, Piper and Orton against Snuka and Tonga Kid. Once again, every single clip here was from another tape. It would continue with our next match.
Match 9

“Macho Man” Randy Savage (with Miss Elizabeth) vs Tito Santana for the WWF Intercontinental Championship

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura

Wonderful, it’s the exact same match from WWF GREATEST MATCHES. We’re clipped well into the match where both Savage and Santana are down in the ring. Santana goes for the figure four, but Savage counters it by kicking him off. Randy slides to the ring apron to pull out something from his tights. He swings and misses and Tito goes for a back suplex, however Randy clocks Santana with the object on the way down. Randy crawls over on top of Tito and Davis gets down 1……2….THREE AND WE GOT A NEW CHAMPION. Thinking quickly, Savage tosses the piece of steel to the outside as Davis never saw it. Its official, the Macho Man is your new Intercontinental Champion. Savage limps to the back as Monsoon scoffs at the blatent cheating by the Macho Man, Ventura says it’s brilliant. The camera shows the cold roll of steel Savage clobbered Tito with before going to the replay. Monsoon continues to complain as we cut here. Nice to include Savage on this tape but the constant clipping is getting on my nerves now.

Time of match: Clipped for the tape

Winner: Savage by pinfall (New WWF Intercontinental Champion)
Rolling right along, its time for Terry Funk.
Match 9

Aldo Marino vs “Terrible” Terry Funk

Commentators: Vince McMahon and Bruno Sammartino

This was Funk’s WWF debut match on the June 17, 1985 edition of Championship Wrestling. The referee is the infamous Rita Marie which I’ll get to later. Okerlund says in the voiceover the reason the match is on here is because of the attendant putting Funk’s hat on his head. Bundy says the guy deserved it for ruining the hat. Studd says he could care less about Marino or Mel Phillips and Funk did a good job. Basically what happened was Mel had too much stuff in his hands so he put the hat on his head in order to carry everything. Vince laughs but Funk gets enraged and beats the crap out of Mel. Vince scoffs as Funk throws Marino out of the ring. Funk continues to beat the daylights out of Phillips. Marino tries to help out but Funk sends him out of the ring again. Funk then tosses Phillips out for good as Vince continues to complain. Sammartino “That’s Terry Funk, he’s got some reputation.” The security guards literally carry Mel out of the arena as Funk goes to work on Marino with left hands and chops in the corner. Funk drops Marino and stomps on him as Rita Marie admonishes him. Funk heaves Marino through the ropes to the outside as Funk hits the floor himself and goes to attack a fan. Marino staggers back to the ring where Funk gets whipped to the buckle. Aldo then heaves Funk to the floor. Marino hits a dropkick that sends Funk over the top to the outside. Back inside Funk delivers a back suplex to quell the momentum. Funk kicks the guy in the head and snap suplexes him. Funk goes for the spinning toe hold and applies it. Marino gives it up and Funk is the winner. Funk goes to the outside and yells at the irate crowd and we cut here. Why was Rita Marie infamous? Several years later she went on the Geraldo Rivera show and claimed Vince raped her in a limousine. Why it took her 6 years to come out with it was partially the reason nobody ever thought much of it. Did it happen? Who knows. What DID happen is Funk beat the crap out of Mel Phillips…and it sure was funny.
Time of match: 4:05

Winner: Terry Funk by submission
Can we we keep the momentum going in match ten?
Match 10

Corporal Kirchner vs The Iron Sheik (with Classy Freddie Blassie and Nikolai Volkoff)

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Alfred Hays and Ernie Ladd

After Kirchner dispatched Nikolai Volkoff at Wrestlemania 2, Sheik got the next crack at him on April 22, 1986 at Madison Square Garden. This was on the same card as Roberts vs McGee at the beginning of this tape. Sheik is in the yellow trunks with Kirchner in his standard gear. Kirchner hands his hat and American flag to Mel Phillips and does NOT attack him like Funk did earlier. The Iron Sheik DOES attack Kirchner as he gets to the ring still with his turban and robe on. Sheik whips Kirchner off and clotheslines him. Sheik chokes Kirchner with the head piece as Ladd notices the bell never rang. Sheik sheds the robe, whips Kirchner off and backdrops him as the bell finally rings. Sheik spits on Kirchner and caters to the irate crowd. Shiek gives the crowd the arm and the elbow as Hays says Sheik has no dignity. Monsoon brings up the world and tag title reigns of Sheik as Kirchner leapfrogs him and scoop slams him. Kirchner drops an elbow, drags Sheik to the corner and rams him ballsack first into the ring post, ow. Kirchner punches and headbutts the Sheik. Kirchner delivers a snap suplex then covers for 1…2…nope. A gut wrench suplex is followed by another cover for a nearfall. Kirchner misses a dropkick just as Ladd praises him. Sheik stops away then delivers a gut wrench of his own. The cover only gets a deuce and Kirchner is met with a kick to the head. Sheik goes for the abdominal stretch as Monsoon says he doesn’t have it synched in properly. Kirchner hiptosses Shiek and drops a knee….but misses the elbow drop. Sheik whips the corporal off and he goes for the sunset flip, but only gets a two count. Sheik whips Kirchner off but he gets kicked in the head this time. Sheik begs off but then sends Kirchner to the floor where Volkoff whacks Kirchner with Blassie’s cane. The ref counts to 10 and calls for the bell. Volkoff tosses Kirchner in the ring and they double team Kirchner. Sheik loads up the boot and kicks Kirchner in the chest. Volkoff goes to town with right hands until Kirchner tries to fight back. He goes outside and grabs a chair, which causes The Unamericanz to bail. Nice to see The Unamericanz and Freddie Blassie showcased.
Time of match: 6 minutes

Winner: Iron Sheik by count-out
As we head towards the end, now its time to highlight our three co-hosts. We begin with the Manager of the Year ceremony highlighted in Amazing Managers. I’ll just repost. King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd stand guard outside the ring while Bobby Heenan, Captain Lou and Hillbilly Jim stand next to the trophy with “Mean” Gene Okerlund our MC for the evening. Okerlund says the WWF has received one million votes and thanks the fans but Heenan grabs the mic. Heenan reels off the heel managers and says they all gave up their votes for Heenan to win. Added with Heenan’s votes alone, Heenan gets 519,711 votes. Bobby proclaims himself the manager of the year and grabs the trophy. Hillbilly Jim asks how many votes he has and Okerlund answers he has 316,428 votes. He asks how many Lou has and 314,166 is the total. Jim then gives up his votes to Lou which means…oh yes…CAPTAIN LOU ALBANO has won the 1985 WWF Manager of the Year award. Heenan goes beserk as Jim congratulates Captain. Heenan then nails Albano with the trophy as Okerlund hightails it out of there. Studd and Bundy hit the ring and suddenly Jim is down 2 against 1. Studd tackles Jim and Bundy splashes him again and again like we saw with Andre earlier in the tape. Heenan smashes the trophy. Bundy splashes Jim again but finally Cousin Junior and Uncle Elmer make their appearance. The Heenan family bail to the back as the hillbillies tend to Jim and Albano. Great way to maintain heel heat by Heenan’s crew.

Next is the attack on Andre the Giant by Bundy and Studd also highlighted on Wrestling’s Amazing Managers.
Match 11

Andre the Giant vs “Big” John Studd with Bobby “The Brain” Heenan

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura

We’re joined in progress as Studd and Andre are locked up. Studd works over the left arm as Andre grabs the hair and headbutts him. Another headbutt stuns Studd but John counters a backdrop by dropping the giant with a kick to the head. Studd drops two elbows as Heenan hops up on the apron with a pair of scissors. He hands Studd the scissors but Andre grabs Studd’s wrist and bites it. Andre headbutts and chops Studd then kicks Heenan who attempts to retrieve the scissors. Andre punches him out of the ring and grabs the scissors. He grabs Studd, punches him and slams him to the mat. He goes to cut Studd’s hair as Ventura scoffs….but have no fear Jesse for Bundy is here. King Kong Bundy makes his way to the ring and nails Andre just as he’s finished cutting a strand of hair off. Bundy repeatedly nails Andre with forearms as Studd gathers his bearings. Andre tries to fight back but Studd tackles him to the ground, allowing Bundy to land a big splash. Studd continues to hold the legs and Bundy splashes Andre again….and again. The ref tries to get Bundy out of there but to no avail as Heenan whips Bundy who splashes Andree for a 4th time. Cousin Junior, Rick McGraw, The Killer Bees and Lanny hit the ring to save Andre. Studd is irate at Andre cutting a bit of his hair as Bundy and Heenan try to calm him down in the entrance way. Bundy was fast becoming a monster heel and this match is what set up the big Saturday Night’s Main Event showdown between Andre and Hogan teaming against Bundy and Studd.

Time of match: Joined in progress

Winner: Andre the Giant by DQ
Next we’re shown the highlight of King Kong Bundy’s attack on Hulk Hogan which set up Wrestlemania 2. Hogan was wrestling The Magnificent Muraco when Bobby Heenan accosted Hogan leading to Hogan attacking The Brain. Bundy hit the ring and beat up Hogan, avalanching him a few times in the corner with the aid of Muraco. Bundy even threw the referee to the outside to boot. Muraco drags Hogan to the center of the ring and holds him down as Bundy delivers a big splash. Muraco turns Hogan over and Bundy hits another splash. Bundy spits on Hogan as we cut here. More dastardly tactics which was the point of the tape. Now we head to the final match on the tape….which was previously covered on ANDRE THE GIANT.
Match 12
Andre the Giant and Special Delivery Jones vs “Big” John Studd and Ken Patera (with Bobby Heenan)
Commentators: Vince McMahon and Bruno Sammartino
Can we get anymore stock footage? I swear 90% of this tape is highlights previously featured on other tapes. Anyway, December 15, 1984 was the date for this infamous moment. Studd in the voiceover praises Patera who’s “not with us at the moment but still in the family” meaning Patera was in jail at the time for real. Okerlund tells Studd he stucks as a barber and Heenan tells him to shut up. Back to the match itself, Andre teams with mid-card jobber Jones to take on the Heenan Family members. Ken’s got the bleach blonde hair and Olympic singlet as Andre wears his Wrestlemania 1 tights (which wasn’t for another 3 ½ months). Jones starts out with former IC champ Patera. Jones leaps over Patera and hooks him arm for the big drag. Andre tags in and wrenches the arm then headbutts it. Jones tags in with an axehandle to the arm before flipping him over. Ken gets his arm free and executes a backbreaker before tagging in Studd. John delivers a series of forearms then floors Jones with a back elbow smash. Studd puts the boots to him then tags in Patera who picks up where Jones left off. Patera continues to slug away but a backdrop attempt earns a kick to the face. Jones hits a headbutt that sends Ken into the face corner where Andre tags in. Patera backdrops Jones over the top to the concrete floor as Andre stalks Ken in the ring. Andre pounds on Ken in the corner then ass bumps him a few times. Patera gets a knee to the back then delivers a forearm to the back of the head. Patera holds Andre for an interfering Studd and they both pound away on the giant. Both men are able to slam Andre together then they both put the boots to him. Studd holds Andre down as Patera scales the second rope for a kneedrop. The ref calls for the bell as Patera and Studd continue to punch and kick at the fallen giant. They trade dropping elbows before Patera holds Andre down for Bobby Heenan to toss a pair of scissors to Studd. Studd proceeds to cut Andre’s trademark afro. The referee makes no attempt to stop the two heels as Patera drops Andre. Studd continues to cut the hair as the fans pelt the ring with garbage. Heenan gets in the ring and kicks Jones out of the ring. Vince says they’re raping Andre of his dignity. Try getting away with saying that now. Heenan, Andre and Patera celebrate with chunks of Andre’s hair as the heels bail to the back. We go to the replay of Patera using his legitimate Olympic strength as Studd cuts the hair. Short match but fun for historical purposes. Andre had a big afro for his entire career but would wrestle the final years with short/medium length hair.

Time of match: 3:44
Winners: Andre the Giant and SD Jones by DQ
The credits roll and this one is history. Before we go, its time for the previews. Monsoon shills BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 8, MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE AND ELIZABETH and MOST EXPLOSIVE TNT SHOW. As for now, that was an average tape. They had to cram years and years of heels into a 75 minute VHS tape. Nowadays this would be a 2 disc blu-ray with loads of extras, promos and footage. Can’t fault 1986 technology for its time period. The action ranged from decent to hot so no sense squawking about that. The only complaint I have is most of the footage was from previous Coliseum Video tapes so there was barely anything new, but then again, not everyone has all the tapes so they could be seeing this for the first time. As a standalone highlights tape, its worth a look. I give it 4 out of 5 despite the cram job. The next tape after this is BRUNO SAMMARTINO: WRESTLING’S LIVING LEGEND so I’ll see everyone there.

Wrestlemania 2 (WF021)

After the outstanding success that was WRESTLEMANIA shown on closed circuit television, Vince figured pay per views were the thing of the future, unfortunately his debut in 1985, WRESTLING CLASSIC ultimately bombed. This however would be his first real test, as for some peculiar reason he decided to show Wrestlemania in 3 separate venues across the country. The first portion would be held in New York, the second in Chicago and the third in Los Angeles. Now with 3 venues, the announce team was spread thin so they had guest commentators. New York would be Vince himself and Susan St James, the wife of NBC head honcho Dick Ebersol (which broadcasted Saturday Night’s Main Event). Chicago would be Mean Gene Okerlund, Gorilla Monsoon and Cathy Lee Crosby, the wife of Washington Redskins star QB Joe Theismann (who’s leg was so badly mangled he couldn’t even be in the battle royal). Los Angeles would be Jesse “The Body” Ventura, Lord Alfred Hays and Elvira….yes that Elvira. The Coliseum Video version opens with Mean Gene shilling the action for about 5 minutes until we get started. I should point out the original video is only 2 hours long while the Wrestlemania 97 Boxset version is 3 hours long. I’ll be doing the 3 hour version. Obviously the original Coliseum Video version had to drastically edit their stuff, I feel bad for the folks living around that time period.

APRIL 7, 1986

NEW YORK PORTION

NASSAU COLISEUM

UNIONDALE, NY

Commentators:  Vince McMahon and Susan St James

After a beautiful rendition of America the Beautiful by Ray Charles we are sent to an interview with Lou Duva, “Rowdy” Roddy Piper and “Cowboy” Bob Orton. Duva hypes up Piper as a better heavyweight prospect than anyone else at the time….which actually isn’t as farfetched as it seems, other than Mike Tyson and Trevor Berbick the division SUCKED in 1986. Anyway Piper cuts a promo in a very high pitched voice saying if Mr T knocks him out, he’ll retire from boxing, wrestling, tiddlywinks and dating girls. He also says you’ll never see him paint himself black, 4 years after this at Wrestlemania he did the exact thing he said he’d never do. Anyway, on to Susan and Vince to get things rolling.

Match 1

“Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff vs “The Magnificent” Don Muraco (with Mr. Fuji)

The storyline here was Orndorff had befriended Hogan since last Wrestlemania, and when Muraco and Bundy double-teamed Hogan prior to Wrestlemania, Orndorff vowed revenge for the Pearl Harbor job. The production for this event sucked so bad they had the pre-recorded comments played DURING THE MATCH as opposed to before. They compare physiques as the bell sounds before a test of strength solves nothing. Orndorff works a headlock before running into a scoop slam by Muraco. Orndorff counters with a nip-up and a slam of his own then makes fun of Mr Fuji (with the derby hat) in a racist manner before giving him the arm and the elbow much to the crowd’s delight. Muraco knees Orndorff in the corner but Paul reverses a whip and hits a backdrop/armdrag combo before applying an arm-bar. Muraco walks on the second rope to armdrag Orndorff but Paul holds on. Muraco’s sweating profusely even though the match is about 2 minutes into it. Orndorff continues to work over the left arm and shoulder as Vince says this is the first time they’ve ever wrestled….hmm. Susan says Orndorff is applying ancient chinese torture techniques….um, yeah. Muraco counters with a samoan drop and a right hand then rams Paul into the top turnbuckle. Orndorff ralies before they both slowly topple to the floor. They beat each other on the outside until the ref counts to 10 and the match is over. The crowd is PISSED at the double-countout and chant bullshit, Vince “The crowd certainly doesn’t like the outcome of this!” Vince sends it to the ring for the official announcement which never comes, so he goes to the back for an interview with Mr T and his entourage.

Time of Match: 4:34

Winners: No one:  Double count-out

Mr T along with boxing legend Smokin Joe Frazier and midget lesson Haiti Kid rants and for whatever reason, the cameras are filming this as Howard Finkel is announcing the results of the previous match. Told you the production values for this were non-existant. Mr T says he’s gonna beat the crap out of Piper. Anyway on to the next match….
Match 2

George “The Animal” Steele vs “Macho Man” Randy Savage (with Elizabeth) for the WWF Intercontinental Championship

The storyline here was actually enjoyable and fun to watch play out. Randy Savage was the cocky heel champion who treated Elizabeth like dirt, George Steele was everyone’s favorite clumsy beast who had the hots for Elizabeth. Steele was actually a high school teacher in Michigan so he used to wrestle in the 60’s and 70’s only in the summer, and with no Dave Meltzer and national syndication around back then no one in his home town would ever know his true identity. George was actually my father’s favorite wrestler of all time and he used to tell me how the ol Boston Garden crowd used to love the gimmick. Anyway, like I said before I ran off track, Steele had a crush on Elizabeth so Savage didn’t take too kindly to that, so we have this match for the IC title recently won by Savage at the ‘Gahden’ over Tito Santana. Savage enters to his famous theme song as a pre-recorded comment saying he’s Macho Madness and he’s gonna win, ohhh yeah. Susan wants George to win because of the way Randy treats Elizabeth and will openly root for The Animal the whole match. Steele Animal Taunts (raises his arm over his head and chases his opponent) Savage to the floor with great speed considering he was 9 days away from his 49th birthday. Savage gets back in and tries to psych out Steele….yeah right, like THAT’S gonna work. Savage goes outside, grabs a chair and swings it in George’s direction before getting back in. George and Savage plays a game of cat and mouse before George catches him and bites him on the calf. Susan “Allright George, eat his leg!” Savage hobbles around the ring before hitting a running knee, knocking Steele in the corner. Steele does a baldo bomb (!!!) to Savage before taunting the Macho Man. George sticks his body haflway through the ropes to say hi to Elizabeth so Savage spins him behind, getting the animal tied up in the ropes. BRILLIANT! Savage puts the boots to Steele before he’s untied. Savage goes upstairs and hits a very sloppy looking bodypress for 1…2….nope, Steele press slams him through the ropes to the outside. Steele punches away at Randy inside the ring then throws him through the ropes to the outside. Savage then crawls underneath the ring, re-appears on the other side, gets in and delivers a high knee to the back of the confused Animal. Savage goes for a clothesline but Steele catches him and bites the arm. In a comical spot, Savage goes to grab the hair…cept there isn’t any on Steele’s head, just all over his body as told by McMahon. Steele hammers away on Savage in the corner before Randy goes outside and grabs a bouquet of flowers. He hits Steele with the flowers but Steele again bites him on the arm. George grabs the flowers and shove them into Randy’s face then whacks him a bunch of times with them. Steele whips him in the corner but then goes for his trademark turnbuckle snack. Steele rips open the top turnbuckle with his teeth then attacks Savage with the stuffing inside. Steele grabs another handful and shoves it in his face, Vince “Here’s another swallow coming up!”. George grabs a third handful and rakes the eyes with it as Vince makes note the ref is letting a lot of this stuff go. Steele chases Savage outside again but Savage leads George over to Elizabeth, where the dumb animal trys to court her. Savage uses it to his advantage as he climbs to the top and hits the double axe-handle to the floor. Back inside Savage scoop slams Steele as Susan makes a great point how Randy uses Elizabeth to his advantage. Savage goes upstairs and hits the flying elbow drop and covers for 1….2…nope, Steele kicks out at 2. Steele grabs by Randy by the nose, Vince “The Animal with a handful of face, what’s he gonna do with it?” before throwing him into the corner. Steele charges but the ref stops him, so Steele shoves him out of the way only to be tripped up by Savage who Flair pins for 1….2…3 its over. Savage was bitten, attacked with flowers and turnbuckle stuffing yet is still the Intercontinental Champion. George eats another turnbuckle as a consolation prize. Well….in terms of catch as catch can the match didn’t deliver but in terms of entertaining, definately enjoyable to watch over and over again. Ironically this would be the only match other than the battle royal I was looking forward to, brace yourself for the rest. George attacks the ref with the stuffing and chases him out of the ring as George Wells enters the ring.

Time of match: 7:07

Winner: Randy Savage by pinfall

We go to Mean Gene Okerlund over in Chicago to kill some time as the turnbuckles are replaced, which begs the question why that match wasn’t shown last before the boxing fight? Anyway Bill Fralic of the Atlanta Falcons gets in Big John Studd’s face and calls him the dud as Studd squashes a football and say he’s gonna do the same to Bill. Studd “I’m gonna get Perry and I’m gonna get you punk!” Gene tries to restore order as we are sent back to Vince and Susan. Vince asks Susan if she likes snakes and she says maybe Jake will lose so we don’t have to see Damien….all good in theory.

Match 3

George Wells vs Jake “The Snake” Roberts (with Damien)

Here’s an interesting pair-off. George Wells was football and wrestling star for New Mexico State before being drafted by Tom Landry and the Cowboys in 1971. Although he didn’t really make in in the NFL, he became a star in the Canadian League in the 1970’s before becoming a mainstay in the Stampede Wrestling. Wells actually was more much accomplished as a wrestler than meets the eye as he travelled to Mid-Atlantic, Central States and even the occassional Japanese tour well before coming to the WWF. Wells was 39 years old at the time and he’s going up against hot new star Jake “The Snake” Roberts so we know who’s going over. By the way, this was also Jake’s Coliseum Video debut. Jake enters without music and George attacks him immediately, wasting no time. George rallies with right hands and a backdrop on the stunned snake. George goes to town with forearm uppcuts before Jake hits a knee to the gut and throws him outside. Jake slithers outside where Wells cuts him off with right hands again before rolling him inside. George ducks under a leapfrog and blasts Jake with a flying shoulder tackle, shades of his CFL days as mentioned by McMahon. George looks a little like Tony Atlas only shorter with a gut, so when he headbutts Jake I actually thought it was Tony for a second. George whips Jake into the corner and hits a flying head scissors as Jake calls for time-out. Wells scoop slams Roberts as Vince mentions George has gained about 30 lbs in the last 6 months…..uh oh, getting old sucks doesn’t it. George does a knee lift that Jake sells by almost flopping out of the ring. George sends him off and powerslams him for 1..2…nope, gotta hook the leg! Jake rakes the eyes then slithers out of the ring again as Wells chases. Jake slithers into the ring and does a knee lift to George as he enters the ring. BRILLIANT! Jake taunts the crowd and delivers the D…..D….T to George then covers for 1….2….3 and its over. Sheesh, this looked to be a jobber match for Wells until Roberts hit the DDT, just to show how deadly the move was considered back then. After the match, Jake lets Damien out and sicks him on George, who proceeds to foam at the mouth after Damien synches in on the neck. Susan is visibly grossed out as is everyone watching on ppv before Jake notices George is legit choking so he removes the snake and taunts the crowd. Susan says George blew his chance to win the match early on as Vince says Roberts is still undefeated. We go back to the replay which shows George rolling into the DDT which is HIGHLY dangerous. What a shame George Wells had a great CFL career and a dozen or so years in the wrestling business yet will only be remembered for frothing at the mouth at Wrestlemania 2.

Time of match: 3:06

Winner: Jake Roberts by pinfall

The next segment is Susan and Vince discussing what we just saw then going to a highlight package of the Piper/T feud. Mr T had been at it with Piper since the first Wrestlemania a year earlier and things escalated after Mr T beat Bob Orton in a boxing match. Piper…a legitimate boxer before his wrestling days took exception to this and challenged T to a fight at Wrestlemania. We then go to Jesse Ventura over in LA with an interview with Hulk Hogan. Hogan plays off his rib injury saying it won’t matter and he’ll beat Bundy then says T is going to beat Piper as Ventura scoffs. Lets go to Howard Finkel to get to the main event of the New York portion. I should point out that the Piper interview from earlier on this version is shown here on the Coliseum Video version. They may have edited out an hour worth of footage but at least they edited the interview in at the right spot.

Boxing Match

Mr T (With Haiti Kid and Joe Frazier) vs “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (with Lou Duva and Bob Orton)

Now here’s an oddity, rather than have them wrestle (which Piper would have dominated) someone figured to get Mr T involved by digging to his Clubber Lang roots in a boxing showdown with the Rowdy one. Only problem was Roddy was a former New York golden gloves fighter so Mr T is STILL overmatched. The guest ring announcer is motormouth actress Joan Rivers. The guest judges are NBA star Darryl Dawkins (who plays for the Nets so half the crowd boo’s and the other cheers, heh), Watergate judge G Gordon Liddy and actor Cab Calloway. The guest timekeeper is none other than Herb The Nerd of the old Burger King “Where’s Herb” commercials. Vince says Mr T is the more experienced fighter which had to be said or else it would give away Piper’s background, which was a big no-no in 1986 WWF world. There will be 10 rounds 3 minutes apiece and Piper completely ignores the referee’s instructions and insults Mr T the whole way. Bell rings and the fight’s underway….Piper controls early with the jabs and T just backs up. Piper hand’t boxed in years and T is not really a fighter so this looks sloppy. I used to be an amateur boxer so I know when someone’s dogging or not and its quite clear Piper could knock T out in 3 seconds but he’s carrying him to entertain the crowd. Mr T just kept backing Piper in the corner and its a mess at the end of the round. Joe Frazier grabs a hold of Lou Duva as the seconds try to pry the fighters apart. The second round begins as the crowd begins to boo the proceedings because the referee stops the fight to wipe sweat off Piper’s face. Piper continues to control with the jab and right hooks as T covers up. T fights back with sloppy looking hooks and jabs so Piper just stands there. Piper again controls with the jab and fires away in the corner with right hooks before Mr T attempts to rally. Piper blasts with right hook after right hook and then T goes down. T utitlizes the standing 8 count before Piper closes in at the end of the round and knocks him down as the bell rings, guess you can’t be saved by the bell in any round. Piper’s just kicking the crap out of Mr T so to save face they have Bob Orton throw a bucket of water in Mr T’s corner. The 3rd round begins and Mr T is obviously winded so Piper continues the rope-a-dope before T sneaks a nice uppercut in. T plods away at Piper with body punches in the corner and Piper actually goes down from a few blows. Piper gets up the count of 8 so its 2 knockdowns to 1 in favor of Piper, so T continues to press advantage. T punches Piper with a right cross and Piper sells it by falling through the ropes to the outside….that was staged, it barely touched him. Piper crawls back in to beat the count as the 3 knockdown rule is in effect so one more and Piper’s done. Nothing else happens the rest of the round and the bell rings, then Susan St James blows the ending saying Piper might try something unsavory in this round. Piper throws the stand at Mr T and almost takes his leg out. They exchange right hooks in the center of the ring and at this point its all stages as there’s no way these guys should be keeping their arms low after 4 knockdowns. They knock each other’s mouthpieces out before they cram into the corner. Piper shoves the ref down then scoop slams Mr T, so much for boxing. The ref calls for the bell and a pier 6 brawl erupts in the ring. Lou Duva and Joe Frazier wrestle each other before Joe moves over to Orton. The ref raises Mr T’s hand in victory before Piper jumps on him….gawd just end this mess will ya? That was so staged at the end, but anway that’s it for New York so lets send it to Chicago and Gorilla Monsoon.

Time of match: 4th round

Winner: Mr T by DQ

CHICAGO PORTION

ROSEMONT HORIZON

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS

Commentators:  Gorilla Monsoon, “Mean” Gene Okerlund and Cathy Lee Crosby

Gorilla says hello and hands the mic to Mean Gene who hypes the battle royal. Monsoon brings in Cathy Lee Crosby of That’s Incredible fame to give her two cents before sending things to the ring announcer to begin our second portion of Wrestlemania 2

Match 5

Velvet McIntyre vs The Fabulous Moolah for the WWF Women’s Championship

Moolah had won the Women’s title from Wendi Richter back in November in the original screwjob (Spider Lady) and Velvet was next in line. Both were phenominal workers and that was remarkable considering Moolah would turn 63 later in the year, so let’s see how this turns out. There is a one hour time limit but I don’t see this going THAT long. Moolah attacks Velvet at the bell although the ref got in her way at the beginning. Moolah takes her over with several hairgrab snap mares and a right hand. Not bad for a 62 year old I must say, Moolah levels Velvet with a clothesline but misses a second. Velvet delivers 2 one legged dropkicks and a back elbow smash. Velvet scoop slams Moolah and goes upstairs, but misses the splash. Moolah covers for 1…2….3…and its over….wow, Velvet’s foot was on the bottom rope the whole time and nobody saw it. Not the ref, Monsoon, Cathy Lee, Mean Gene or Chet Coppock the ring announcer. The match had a 60 minute time limit and it didn’t even go 60 seconds, which was a shame considering the talent level of Velvet. Although Velvet would gain a measure of redemption at the inaugeral Survivor Series a year later, this would be her first and only Wrestlemania appearance unfortunately. That was way too short but it was good while it lasted, Chet Coppock announces the winner as Monsoon goes to the replay where once again her feet are on the ropes but nobody sees it.

Time of Match: 59 seconds

Winner: Fabulous Moolah by pinfall (still Women’s champion)

We go to the announce table as Mean Gene and Monsoon hype up the upcoming tag team title match and the battle royal. Cathy Lee says the football players have no chance of winning the battle royal, heh. Back to ringside for the next match.

Match 6

Corporal Kirchner vs Nikolai Volkoff (with Freddie Bladdie) in a Flag Match

This concept was stupid, the winner gets to raise the flag he represents…..so basically the next week on WWF All American Wrestling Nikolai Volkoff could come out with the Soviet and go back to normal? Whatever….if it wasn’t for Classy Freddie Blassie I’d hit the fast forward button…..which I actually hit when Volkoff does his singing gig. Like I said on my WRESTLING CLASSIC review (in case you missed it) Sgt Slaugher bolted for the AWA they brought in Corporal Kirchner to basically be the face militant of the company. Kirchner was actually left off a lot of cards after Wrestlemania because he was so tough in and out of the ring, most of the guys in the back were legitimately afraid to work with him. Corporal enters to music which was unheard of at the time unless you were Hogan or Savage, heh. Monsoon reminds Cathy Lee how rotten Blassie is outside the ring as we get started.  Volkoff does his spinning kick to the mid-section and a knee lift. Volkoff throws Kirchner outside and rams him into the ringpost, then bites him Freddie Blassie style. Even ol Freddie has a smile on his face when Volkoff sinks the teeth into Kirchner. Volkoff rams him into the ringpost again then rolls back inside as Freddie taunts Corporal by saying “Get in there ya yellow belly!” Kirchner is busted wide open but he rallies with right hands back inside and then forearms the referee halfway across the ring. Freddie Blassie trys to throws his cane to Nikolai but Kirchner intercepts it and waffles Nikolai with it, then covers. Rather than disqualify Kirchner for belting him in the head (maybe he was afraid of him too) he goes down to make the count 1….2….3 and Kirchner wins the flag match. Kirchner gets an unusually loud pop from the crowd, guess he must have been over in Chicago. Bad match but its always nice to see Freddie Blassie again….albeit this would be the last time on pay per view. This would also be the last appearance of Kirchner on a ppv for he was fired within the next year for failing a drug test. He ironically would become a huge star in Japan for becoming the Texas Chainsaw inspired Leatherface gimmick which he portrayed for at least 15 years. As for this match….blah, but at least it was short.

Time of match: 1:36

Winners: Corporal Kirchner by pinfall

We head to Chet Coppock who calls the next match the main event of the Chicago portion, proving that the main event doesn’t have to be the last match on the card. Gene introduces the guest time keeper Clara Peller, who you may remember for being the old lady who says “Where’s the Beef?” in the old Wendy’s commercials. We get Herb the Nerd and now Clara Peller, using this logic that means Ronald McDonald will be the guest time-keeper for Hogan vs Bundy in LA, right? Anyway the special guest referees are Chicago Bears legend Dick Butkus and Cowboys legend Ed “Too Tall” Jones (who is booed because the Boys are in the NFC who the Bears face every year or so)

Match 7

20 Man Battle Royal

Guest commentator: “The Big Cat” Ernie Ladd

With the growing popularity of the NFL, Vince decided to cross-promote by having some of the NFL stars compete in a battle royal. Instead of just naming all 20 at once, I’ll name them as they come out in order of Okerlund announces. The funny part was Cathy Lee Crosby was married to Joe Theismann at the time hence why she’s apart of the show. The sad part is the S.O.B. sued her for pretty much everything for reason’s I can’t remember. The first entrant is announced from the Chicago Bears which gets a huge pop, only it fizzles because its not Perry but rather offensive tackle Jimbo Covert. Covert actually had a hell of a career opening holes for Walter Payton and Neal Anderson. Entrant two is the first WWF Triple Crown champion (Heavyweight, IC and Tag) Pedro Morales, who needs no introduction. The third entrant is former tag team champion and future african tribal warrior Tony Atlas. The 4th entrant is world strongest man Ted Arcidi…who was instrumental in Triple H and Chyna getting into the business. The 5th entrant is former superbowl mvp of the Dallas Cowboys, Harvey Martin. Martin had a great career as a defensive end and made Craig Morton’s life a living hell in the Super Bowl 12. The 6th entrant is “Golden Boy” Dan Spivey….9 years before Waylon Mercy and 2 years before The Skyscrapers. Entrant’s 7, 8 and 9 are Hillbilly Jim, King Tonga and The Iron Sheik, who we all know of course. Entrant 10 is Ernie Holmes…the LEAST known member of the Steel Curtain of the 1970’s Pittsburgh Steelers. Jack Lambert would have fit right in here but I’m just nitpicking. Entrants 11 and 12 are the Killer Bee’s, Brunzell and Blair whom we know. Entrant 13 is Big John Studd and entrant 14 is his rival for the night, Bill Fralic. Fralic was the NFL rookie of the year as an offensive lineman, back when o-lineman were 275 lbs or less. Even in the early 90’s he opened holes for Barry Sanders upon joining the awful Detroit Lions. Entrants 15 and 16 are the Bret Hart and Jim Niedhart, The Hart Foundation, if you don’t know them you’re either retarded or not a wrestling fan. Entrant 17 is none other than former Patriots tight-end Russ Francis, who’s actually the son of Hawaiian wrestling promotor Edmund Francis. Entrant 18 is wrestling legend Bruno Sammartino coming out of semi-retirement to make one final Wrestlemania appearance. Entrant 19 is the star of the show, Chicago Bears beloved defensive tackle William “The Refridgeator” Perry. Entrant 20 is the favorite to win every battle royal he’s ever in, Andre The Giant. The bell rings and half the ring tries to eliminate Fridge but his teammate Jimbo Covert makes the save. Harvey Martin puts Dan Spivey in a headlock which I find hilarious the way he does it. Covert tries to slam King Tonga out but Fralic comes from behind and dumps them both. Ernie Ladd mistakes Dick Butkus for Mike Ditka, which I shouldn’t laugh at because I did the same once. Ernie Ladd himself was really the first NFL superstar to cross over into being a successful wrestler unless you think Wahoo McDaniel was the better NFL star for the Dolphins. John Studd and Andre go at it for old times sake as Bret Hart and Jim Brunzell tie up. Sammartino lifts Ernie Holmes and dumps him out so we’re down 2 football players early. Andre headbutts Russ Francis to the ground then goes at it with Studd again. Andre tries to eliminate Fralic as The Hart Foundation team up and get rid of Jim Brunzell. Brian Blair attacks Bret in retaliation. The crowd erupts when The Fridge slams Tony Atlas over the top and out showing who the crowd wants to see. The Bears had beaten my beloved Patriots 46-10 (ugh..good thing I wasn’t born yet) so the Bears were HUGE in Chicago as you can imagine. Anyway back to action Pedro Morales and Bill Fralic tie up as Perry tries his luck with Big John Studd. Fralic and Martin team up to try to get rid of Andre to no avail. Brian Blair tries to get rid of his real life nemesis The Iron Shiek as The Hart Foundation catches a breather in the corner. Bill Fralic and Bret Hart try to get rid of Ted Arcidi when all of a sudden Harvey Martin and Pedro Morales topple over the top together. Ted Arcidi tries to press slam Blair out but Hillbilly Jim and Dan Spivey make the save. Blair actually aids Jim and Dan in eliminating Arcidi as NFC rivals Fralic and Fridge go at it. Sheik backdrops Dan Spivey out then dumps Hillbilly Jim and Brian Blair out together. 9 guys left at this point and Fralic goes at it with the Hitman as Perry goes at it with Niedhart. Big John Studd and Iron Sheik team up and eliminate Bill Fralic, thus making his pre-match predictions a washout as Studd gets the last laugh. Sheik hammers away at Bruno before Sammartino backdrops him over the top and out. Bruno then tries to dump Studd out in the corner as Francis goes at it with Andre while The Hart Foundation have Perry tied up in the corner. Studd throws Bruno over the top and out and we’re down to 6 men. Fridge is hiptossed by the Foundation but Perry hops up and shoulder tackles Bret and Niedhart halfway out of the ring. one of my favorite spots in the entire show. Bret sold it like he got hit with a cannonball, just to show how over Fridge was. Perry and Studd face off in the center of the ring and Perry shoulder tackles Studd in the corner. Perry goes for another tackle but is met with an elbow and is hiptossed over the top and out. The crowd is LIVID and actually begin to pelt Studd with garbage inside the ring. Perry extends a handshake and Studd stupidly goes for it so Fridge pulls Studd over the top and out to a huge pop. The final four is Russ Franics….the lightest football player of the whole group, Bret, Niedhart and Andre. Too Tall and Butkus have to break Studd and Perry apart before the camera pans back inside where Francis teams up with Andre to go against the Harts. The Foundation double dropkicks Andre into his top rope tie-up spot leaving Francis by himself. Francis tries to fend off the two but is overpowered and eliminated. Andre unties himself and is worked over by Bret and Jim in the corner. Bret slingshots Niedhart into Andre and try to dump him but can’t. Niedhart himself actually had a cup of coffee with the Dallas Cowboys and Oakland Raiders during pre-season games but ultimately winded up in Calgary, where the rest is history. Niedhart goes to slingshot Bret but Andre gets his boot up and Bret crashes to the mat. Andre grabs Niedhart by the goatee, sends him off the ropes and big boots him over the top and out. Niedhart was actually in the center of the ring so he actually had to walk over to the ropes and eliminate himself. Down to 1 on 1 Bret goes upstairs only to be caught by Andre and press-slammed over the top onto Niedhart by Andre to win the match. Was there any doubt Andre was going to win? Pretty short for a battle royal but fun for historical purposes and football buffs.

Time of match: 9:08

Winner: Andre the Giant

We go back to Vince and Susan in New York who interviews “Rowdy” Roddy Piper. He rips on Mr T and William Perry and calls them cheaters while saying again he’d never paint himself black….watch WRESTLEMANIA 6 and see how that turns out. Susan chimes in and calls him a coward before Piper just goes off on Mr T with borderline racist comments. Back to Chicago, Mean Gene interviews Jimbo Covert who claims Fralic cheated by sneaking up from behind……moron. If this was to hype up a rivalry between the two, it was pointless because both were offensive lineman meaning they’d never see each other when the Bears played the Falcons. Iron Sheik comes in who says “Gene Mean” again then talks in farci, confusing Okerlund then saying Iran Numba Vun! On to the tag match….

Match 8

The British Bulldogs (Davey Boy Smith and Dynamite Kid) with Captain Lou Albano and Ozzy Osbourne vs The Dream Team (Greg Vallentine and Brutus Beefcake) with Johnny V for the WWF Tag Team Championship

Hey its Ozzy Osbourne with the poofy hair….and wearing all pink to boot! The Dream Team had beaten The US Express for the belts back in August of 85 so they’ve had a long reign indeed. Bulldogs enter to Rule Britania and Albano leading the way. They take forever to start before Davey Boy starts out with Vallentine. They trade blows in the center before Vallentine begs off in the corner. Davey Boy runs into a hiptoss as Okerlund says the Bulldogs have been chasing the tag belts for quite some time. Davey makes the tag to Dynamite who works over the hammer, who flops in the middle of the ring. Dynamite bowls Hammer over and delivers his snap suplex then makes the tag to Davey Boy. Davey does his delayed suplex for 1…2…nope, got the shoulder up. The Bulldogs have done both their trademark suplexes so Vallentine bails to the outside and regroups with Johnny V. Vallentine gets the advantage backs inside and makes the tag to Beefcake who works over the arm ringer, until he’s press slammed by Davey Boy. Dynamite tags in and clotheslines Beefcake down for a near fall, A small package gets a near fall as Davey tags in who does A PERFECT PLEX for 1…2…nope. Beefcake leads Davey into the corner where Vallentine hot tags in with an off the top rope forearm to the back. Vallentine executes a snap suplex for a near-fall and locks in a rest hold as Okerlund says Cathy Lee is too young (a spry 41 at the time) to remember Johnny Vallentine. Dynamite Kid tags in and they trade blows in the center of the ring before Kid takes advantage. Kid shoulderblocks Vallentine in the corner then tags in Davey Boy, double shoulderblock and down goes Greg. Beefcake interferes for no apparent reason other than to give Greg the upperhand, and it doesn’t work as Kid sunset flips Vallentine for 1…2..negative. Dynamite delivers a side backbreaker but Beefcake makes the save as Gene makes a hillarious comment. Gene “Ozzy Osbourne looks like he’s shaking outside the ring” I don’t even want to try to figure out the ammount of drugs he was on at the time so Gene dropping that line is just awesome. Vallentine reverse tombstone piledrives Dynamie for 1…2….nooo, Kid kicks out. Dynamite knees Vallentine in the nuts then press slams him off the top rope when Vallentine goes up there. He makes the cover and Davey tackles an interfering Beefcake, but The Hammer kicks out at 2. Davey goes to press slam Dynamite onto Vallentine but Greg rolls out the way. Davey tags in and hits the running powerslam for 1..2….NOOOO, Vallentine kicked out of the finisher. Davey delivers a snap suplex for a 2 count but Vallentine sends Davey shoulder first into the ring post, ouch. Vallentine stomps away at the injured shoulder before Beefcake tags in to pick up where Greg left off. Bulldog goes for the diamond cutter but Beefcake counters by throwing him, wow. Hammer tags back in and delivers a shoulderbreaker for 1..2….Vallentine pulls him up at 2. Dynamite goes upstairs for some reason and Davey sends Vallentine crashing skull first into him. Dynamite falls off the top like King Kong while Vallentine flops in the ring, the cover by Davey gets 1….2….THREE AND WE GOT NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! Wow, the crowd did not see that as the finish at all, neither did I, Mean Gene, Captain Lou or the popcorn guy in the 4th row. Ozzy and Albano get in the ring and hold up the tag belts, now THERE’S a tag team for you. Cathy Lee Crosby gets in the ring as Davey goes outside to scoop up Dynamite. Okerlund hits ringside and interviews Albano who cuts a crazy promo then over to Ozzy who says “BRITISH BULLDOGS FOREVERRRRR” heh. The camera pans Davey and Dynamite outside and Kid looks completely out of it, must have been a harder fall than it looked. Davey staggers in the ring and says he’s gonna stay in the US….um, ok.  Either way The Bulldogs are the new tag team champions ending the 9 month reign of The Dream Team.

Time of match: 12:01

Winner: British Bulldogs by pinfall (New Tag Team Champions)

Back to Susan and Vince who hype what we just saw including the upcoming cage match between Hogan and Bundy. Vince speculates if Bobby Heenan will be a factor…are you kidding me? Vince sends things to Jesse with the beautiful Elvira and not beautiful Lord Alfred.

LOS ANGELES PORTION

L.A. SPORTS ARENA

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA

Commentators:  Jesse “The Body” Ventura, Lord Alfred Hays and Elvira

Jesse opens things up next to Elvira and Alfred, call me crazy but I’d rather much see Ventura and Elvira, makes a very flamboyant couple. Elvira seems into it as Ventura runs down the remaining 4 matches. Anyway lets get on with the final four so to speak.

Match 9

Hercules Hernandez vs Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat

Hercules was a newcomer heel supposedly managed by Freddie Blassie but since Fred was in Chicago, Herc will face Steamboat alone. The ring announcer is none other than Lee Marshall of AWA and WCW fame. Hercules wastes no time and attacks Steamboat at the bell with clubbing forearms to the back. Herc rams Steamboat into the top turnbuckle but Steamboat rallies with slides and a big chop to the chest. Steamboat executes a series of arm drags then applies an arm bar. Steamboat works over the left arm and shoulder for about a minute before Hercules sends him off the ropes, but then Steamboat flips over and delivers a crescent kick to the chest. He’s way too fast for Hercules both kayfabe and in real life, Herc can’t keep up with this pace. Once again Steamboat works over the left arm and shoulder of Hercules as even Ventura says that Herc can’t keep up this pace. Hercules gets to his feet and delivers an uppercut to the chest as Elvira says Steamboat looks like a wimp with the red scarf dangling from his knee. Steamboat’s anything but a wimp and he continues to take it to Hercules with chops, 2 leapfrogs and a back elbow smash that surprises Elvira. Ricky executes a beautiful snap suplex then continues to work over the left arm. Ventura says Herc better start moving and right on cue, Herc throws Steamboat in the corner then clotheslines him down. Herc slows the match down with boots to the side of the head as Elvira says The Dragon is hot. Ricky runs off the ropes but Herc catches him and falls backwards, hotshotting Steamboat off the top rope……now that was good. Steamboat rallies with chops an goes for a bodyslam but can’t hold him, Herc falls on top for a nearfall. Hercules methodically stalks the Dragon and rams him head first into the top turnbuckle. Herc catches Steamboat with a back elbow smash as Hays and Ventura hype up the remaining 3 matches. Herc dropes a series of elbows then poses for the irate crowd as Ventura scoffs for not going for the cover. Herc eventually makes the cover but Dragon kicks out at 2. Steamboat rallies with a series of chops but Hercules quels the momentum with a sloppy clothesline then covers for 1….2…nope, Steamboat covers. Hercules executes an overhead press slam as Ventura tells Elvira you’re suppose to hook a leg when covering….like she’s supposed to know or care? Hercules delivers another press slam then taunts the crowd again, bad idea. Hercules goes upstairs for a splash but Ricky gets the knees up in time. Ricky goes upstairs himself and delivers the FLYING CROSSBODY for 1….2….3 and its over. Steamboat wins it clean although Ventura says it was a fast count…wtf? Ted Dibiase once claimed on the Ultimate Warrior’s dvd that if Hercules didn’t have someone to lead him then he couldn’t have a good match, well he had Steamboat with him and he still messed up here and there. Anyway, Steamboat improves to 2-0 at Wrestlemania and we’re off and running in LA.

Time of match: 8:32

Winner: Ricky Steamboat by pinfall

There is no segment, on to the next match.

Match 10

Uncle Elmer vs “Adorable” Adrian Adonis

Uncle Elmer was a hilbilly gimmick not unlike Hillbilly Jim, but Elmer was actually 49 year old ring veteran Stan Frazier at the end of his career. Meanwhile Adrian Adonis had gotten too big for his Street Thug gimmick from the 70’s so a furious McMahon turned him into “Adorable” Adrian Adonis an openly gay wrestler. He changed his look from the New York Yankees ring jacket and black tights to a tent dress, dying his hair blond while caking his face with makeup. The whole thing was absurd but it got massive heat and Adonis was such a great bumper he made the gimmick work. Elmer enters to Don’t Go Messin With a Country Boy as Elvira says Adrian Adonis is the ugliest man she’s ever seen. The 6’8 Elmer chases Adonis out of the ring who hugs Jimmy Hart on the outside. Elmer catches Adonis with right hands upon entering the ring and whips Adonis into the corner where he Flair flips (at 300 lbs no less). Elmer clocks Adonis with a right hand and falls down from his own punch, the hell was that about? Adonis falls out of the ring and rips the ring apron completely off. Adonis climbs back in where another Elmer punch sends Adonis shoulder first through the ring post and outside on the timekeepers table, sheesh…he’s making Elmer look like Hogan so far. Ventura says Adonis is getting his dress dirty as Elmer pulls Adonis on the apron where he rips the dress off, yuck. Elmer slingshots Adrian in the hard way then delivers a very slow belly bump which Adrian sells by flying over the top rope backwards, doing a reverse Andre spot, Elmer pounds away on Adonis before he gets himself loose and delivers a punch to the chest. Adonis boots Elmer then shimmies out of his torn dress as Elvira is grossed out. Elmer whips Adonis in the corner and delivers an avalanche, which causes Adonis to crumple to the mat. Elmer gives the sign for the leg drop but misses it completely. Adonis goes upstairs and delivers a flying forearm drop…again at 300 lbs no less. A cover gets 1…2….3 and Adrian wins it. Ventura “You might not like Adrian Adonis but when it comes to wrestling he’s a very dangerous man.” Adonis shimmies around the ring while putting the boots to the fallen Elmer. Under normal circumstances that match would have sucked but Adonis fucking rules.

Time of match: 3:02

Winner: Adrian Adonis by pinfall

We then go to a pre-recorded interview with Alfred Hays who’s with Hulk Hogan. Hogan calls him Awful Alfred (Ha!) and says he’s not that hurt and he’s gonna beat Bundy. Total Count:  Dude – 0   Brother –  1  Jack – 0   Man – 3  so if you took the under you win. Back to ringside….

Match 11

The Funk Brothers (Terry and Hoss) vs Junkyard Dog and Tito Santana

Hoss Funk? Would it have killed them to call him Dory Jr? Still though, Terry Funk in a WWF ring during the 1980’s is well worth calling someone Hoss. The Funks enter first and Terry shoves ring announcer Lee Marshall halfway out of the ring for no reason….but it sure was funny. JYD and Santana enter to Grab Them Cakes and I notice Tito is wearing his red ring jacket from the first Wrestlemania, maybe he’s hoping it brings him good luck. Ventura bitches about JYD’s chain so Terry throws a chair into the ring, gotta love Terry folks. Hoss starts out with Junkyard Dog and Hoss gets the early advantage in the corner. Terry holds on to Hoss as he’s being whipped so Terry falls into the ring. JYD throws Hoss into Terry then scoop slams them both, then Tito gets in the ring and throws Terry outside where the Funks regroup with Hart. Hoss gets back in but makes the tag to Terry as Santana tags in on the other side. Terry chops Santana on the rope then for some reason nearly falls over the top rope himself, then turns around where Santana clothesline him over the top and out….that was weird. Hoss gets in and Santana dropkicks him twice for his troubles, then Hoss and Terry once again regroup on the outside. Terry climbs in so Tito tags out to JYD where they do a boxing segment. JYD gets in a few right hands then rams Terry’s head into the top turnbuckle 10 times. Terry staggers around and falls into the opposite corner where he rams his head into the turnbuckle 7 more times before finishing with a headbutt. JYD covers before Hoss interferes to break up the count, then JYD throws Terry over the top rope to the outside. After another regroup, Hoss tags in to do battle with the tagged in Santana. Hoss goes to work with european uppercuts until Satana leapfrogs over him and delivers the flying forearm. Santana covers and this one’s over 1….2..NOOOO, Terry dives in the ring (literally) and breaks up the count. Tito mount punches Funk until he rolls out of the ring and back to his corner. Tito and Hoss do a criss cross segment until Terry delivers a knee to the back to stop that. Terry tags in and throws Tito over the top to the floor where Jimmy Hart puts the sneakers to him. JYD chases Hart away as Terry and Hoss kick at Santana from the ring apron like 2 Texas vultures circling their prey. Elvira complains about Jimmy Hart’s megaphone as JYD rolls Tito back inside. Terry suplexes Santana then covers for a nearfall, then goes for another suplex but Tito counters it with a suplex of his own. Elvira notices the pulling on the tights during the suplex then says she hopes someone’s tights are pulled down so we get a little x-rated action…….let’s hope for her sake Hoss Funk and Junkyard Dog keep their tights on. Terry runs off the ropes and collides with Santana, but fortunately for Terry he falls into his own corner where Hoss tags in. Hoss delivers a double underarm suplex but the cover only gets 2 then he goes back to the european uppercuts. Elvira says Santana is hot and Jesse admonishes her for it, heh. Terry interferes and the Funks double clothesline Santana before Terry drops a leg. Funk covers 1…2….and no, Tito gets the shoulder up just in time. Terry goes for another leg drop but Santana moves and there’s nobody home, ouch. Tito crawls around to get away from Funk and makes the hot tag to JYD, who comes in like a house of fire. He unloads on the Funks and does a double noggin knocker then clotheslines them both. Terry tries to strangle JYD with some wrist tape but Dog turns around and headbutts Terry then backdrops him over the top rope to the floor. JYD goes outside then headbutts Hoss into the guardrail then bodyslams Terry on top of the time keeper’s table. Santana comes over and gets some shots in on Hoss for the hell of it. Terry climbs in the ring as JYD brings Hart up on the apron then punches him off…heh.  JYD nails Hoss then executes a small package on Terry for 1….2…nope, Hoss breaks up the count. Santana gets in, takes Hoss down and applies the figure four for a bit then lets him go. As the ref is telling Tito to take a hike, Hart tosses Terry the megaphone who waffles JYD in the back of the head with it. JYD falls like a dead deer and Terry limps over then covers for 1….2….3 and its over. Terry is either legitimately injured or he’s a terrific seller because he basically crawls out of the ring and falls to the cement. Cheap finish but The Funks win their first and only PPV match together and Santana begins a legendary Wrestlemania losing streak. It should be noted Dory “Hoss” Funk Jr would not make another WWF ppv appearance until the 1996 Royal Rumble while Terry didn’t resurface until the 1997 Royal Rumble. Bad match but fun because of Terry Funk’s antics, that’s why he’ll always be a draw in the business.

Time of match: 11:43

Winners: The Funk Brothers by pinfall

We are shown the cage being put together until we go to Mean Gene. In the background Hulk is lifting weights with Hillbilly Jim until we are shown highlights of Hogan beating the crap out of Magnificent Muraco until Bundy interferes and avalanches Hulkster a bunch of times. This sets up the main event, Hogan vs Bundy in a cage where Heenan or anyone else can’t interfere. We get sent to Ventura who interviews Bundy and Heenan, he calls Bundy “beautiful” which is downright creepy. Bundy says he’s gonna be the new champion and Heenan basically says the same thing only that Bundymania will run wild.

Match 12

King Kong Bundy (with Bobby “The Brain” Heenan) vs Hulk Hogan for the WWF Heavyweight Championship in a Steel Cage Match

Bundy in a cage, Hogan’s in deep trouble. The guest ring announcer is LA Dodgers manager Tommy Lasorda, the special guest timekeeper is Ricky Schroeder of Silver Spoons fame. The special guest referee is Robert Conrad which is just for show since referees do nothing in cage matches. Hulk climbs the cage and tears his shirt off as the crowd cheers. The bell starts as everyone but Bundy and Hogan exits the cage and here we go, the monster match of 86. Hogan and Bundy are both in standard gear. Bundy stalks Hogan before they trade blows in the center of the ring, where Hogan eventually wins out by driving Bundy into the cage with right hands. Hogan whips Bundy into the ropes and delivers the big boot….30 seconds into it. Hogan chokes Bundy in the corner with his own singlet then rams him head first into the cage. Hogan chops Bundy then clotheslines him in the corner before chopping him some more. Hogan whips him off then delivers a big elbow that staggers the big man but Bundy counters the face smash by attacking the injured ribs. King Kong stalks Hogan then kicks him square into the ribs then floors the champ with an elbow to the back of the head. Bundy works over the ribs then scoop slams him, then stomps away at the fallen Hulkster. Ventura is eating this up as Bundy calls for the door to open, he makes it halfway out before Hogan lunges for the leg and holds on to it. Bundy goes back inside and slams Hogan back first into the cage then goes to leave again. Hogan holds Bundy to stop him as Heenan screams for Bundy to get out of the cage. Bundy rips the tape off Hogan’s ribs then strangles Hulk with it before tying him to the cage with it. Bundy makes his way for the foor but once again Hogan makes the save with a rake to the eyes. Hogan comes back with right hands then delivers a back elbow smash in the corner. Hulk throws Bundy head first into the cage as Bundy blades on camera. Hulk attacks the open wound of Bundy as Elvira screams at the sight of Kong busted open….ironic. Hulk rams Bundy’s head into the cage again….and again….and again. Hulk climbs the cage then stands on Bundy before continuing to attack the open wound. Hulk calls for a slam but can’t hold him up as Bundy falls ontop of Hogan. Bundy staggers around trying to find the door with Heenan on the outside trying to direct traffic, in the background you can see Hogan getting to his feet. Hogan walks over and strangles Bundy with the rib tape as noutorious Hogan basher Alfred Hays praises Hogan saying tit for tat. Elvira “Jealous you don’t have your own cartoon show Jesse?”  Ventura “Doooon’t you get on my case Elvira!” Bundy whips Hogan into the corner and delivers the avalanche, Hogan crumples to the mat where Bundy does the big splash. King Kong rolls toward the door but Hogan stops him at the last second, diving at the legs just in time. Elvira “All that blood in the ring is making me hungry!”…..riiiiight.  Bundy sets up Hogan and delivers another avalanche, but Hulk no sells it (Hulk Up time). Hogan reverses an irish whip into the corner then POWERSLAMS the 450 pound King Kong Bundy to the loudest pop of the night. Even Ventura can’t believe it as Hogan runs off the ropes and hits the big leg drop. Hogan climbs over the top of the cage where Heenan grabs a hold of the leg as Bundy makes his way behind Hogan to stop him, Hulk hammers Bundy until he falls to the center of the ring, Hulk then kicks Heenan off then drops to the floor to retain the title. Bundy falls out of the cage as Hogan chases Heenan into the cage. Ventura scoffs at Hogan trying to beat up a manager, Heenan tries to climb out the other side but Hogan stops him. Hulk punches Heenan then rams him face first into the cage before delivering an atopmic drop..sending Heenan crashing through the door and onto the cement floor. Tommy Lasorda announces Hogan the winner as he does his usual 5 minute posedown inside the ring. Not that bad all things considering, fitting ending to a bizzare ppv to begin with.

Time of match: 10:15

Winner: Hulk Hogan (still WWF Champion)

You know, people want to say WRESTLEMANIA 9 was the worst wrestlemania ever….I’d have to say this comes close. Most of the matches were crash style and other than the Savage/Steele match there really wasn’t anything truly noteworthy. Everything was rushed because of the venues and the short length of the matches didn’t help either, it was just a mess. Luckily Vince learned his lesson and this would be the first and last time a ppv would be scheduled at different venues at the same time. The next Coliseum Video release after this is VILLAINS OF THE SQUARED CIRCLE, stay tuned for that one.

Highlights of Wrestlemania (CS003)

I know what you’re thinking….”Hey, they already produced the inaugeral Wrestlemania, so what the hell is this?'” Good question, I myself was wondering what the purpose of a tape like this was. Believe it or not, this was the third in a short series of Coliseum Video’s that were called The Collector Series which also included THE HULKSTER HULK HOGAN and WWF’S GREATEST MATCHES. I honestly don’t know why these 3 tapes were separate from any other Coliseum Video’s that were out there at the time…but they’re very rare. Vince opens this tape and basically tells us we’re gonna be watching parts of each match from Wrestlemania. I mean it’s ok to have a tape like this for people with short attention spans, but you’re also saying “Don’t buy Wrestlemania, the best stuff is on this one anyway.” Vince runs down the card and says we’ll be seeing the main event in its entirety….what about Bundy vs SD Jones, how can we not see THAT match in its entirety?
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura
WRESTLEMANIA 1

MARCH 31, 1985

MADISON SQUARE GARDEN

NEW YORK, NY

Match 1

Junkyard Dog vs Greg “The Hammer” Vallentine with Jimmy Hart for the WWF Intercontinental Championship
Woah woah woah….this match was NOT the first match at Wrestlemania, they switched up the order for this tape. We start off at the part where JYD has an arm ringer on Greg, Vallentine then whips JYD off but Dog catches the foot then catches Greg with a right hand. Vallentine hits a knee and an elbow but misses a forearm so JYD hits his trademark headbutts on the ground before the camera pans to the Garden crowd. Monsoon says Hart is now the manager of Jim Niedhart, Bundy and Vallentine before Vallentine goes back on offense. Greg hits a forearm to the back of the neck and an elbow drop to the mid-section before going over the right leg of JYD. Vallentine goes for a half-crab and stretches the knee as the crowd begins to roar for JYD. Vallentine hits a headbutt to the midsection but JYD counters the figure four attempt and sells the injury well. Vallentine works him over in the corner before Dog rallies with right hands and headbutts as Vallentine does the flop. Jimmy Hart gets on the apron and Dog grabs him but moves out of the way causing Vallentine to hammer Jimmy to the floor. Dog backs Vallentine in the corner with forearm and a headbutt before Vallentine rake the eyes and scoops the legs with his feet on the rope for 1…2…3 and Vallentine wins it. All of a sudden Tito Santana hits the ring and tells the ref Vallentine had his foot on the rope. All of a sudden the ref calls for the match to continue making him the smartest ref in the history of wrestling up to this point, but Vallentine wants no part of it and stays out of the ring. Dog wins by count-out but the title does not change hands on a count-out so The Hammer is still the champ, the segment ends right here.

Time of match; 6;09  (the actual match was 6:53 so they cut 45 seconds of the match out plus the extracurricular activities)

Winner; Junkyard Dog by count-out  (Vallentine retains)

There is no segment, onto the next match
Match 2

The Executioner vs Tito Santana
THIS was the real first match at Wrestlemania and unlike the last one, we’re well into it at the start. Santana fires away in the corner and goes for a piledriver, but Executioner counters with a back drop. He hits a bodyslam and goes upstairs but Santana catches him with a slam off the top. Santana goes for a big splash but Executioner gets the knees up just in time, then he works over the left leg on the second rope before Tito kicks him over the top rope into the time-keeper’s table. Tito hits a power slam from the apron to the ring and hits the flying forearm out of nowhere. Tito drags him to the center of the ring and locks in the figure four as Executioner submits quickly. Actually on this tape, it doesn’t even show the ending, just Buddy…er Executioner trapped in the figure four. Least they should have shown Tito getting his hand raised so even the dumbest fans wouldn’t be confused.

Time of match; 1:32  (the actual match was 4;40)

Winner; Tito Santana by submission
There is no segment, onto the next match
Match 3

“Maniac” Matt Bourne vs Ricky Steamboat
Heh, this was actually the third match on the card of Wrestlemania and its the third match on this tape, least it’s in the right order. We’re at the part where Matt hits a snap suplex and covers for 1..2…nope, they trade blows in the ring before Steamboat gets the upper hand with karate chops. Steamboat hits a back suplex, a reverse neckbreaker and 2 knee drops for a cover of 1..2…nope. Steaboat leapfrogs over Borne and hits some sort of double punch to the face,……and the segment ends. Well that was pointless, doesn’t even show the damn ending. If I had bought this tape back in the day I would have felt gyped, ah well…onwards and upwards

Time of match: 1:34 (actual time was 4:38)

Winner: Ricky Steamboat by pinfall (though it isn’t shown for some damn reason)

There is no segment, on to the next match
Match 4

Wendi Richter (with Cyndi Lauper and David Wolfe) vs Leilani Kai (with Fabulous Moolah) for the WWF Women’s Championship

This match was much higher on the card so why is it so early on the tape? Whatever, we’re at the part where Leilani holds on to the hair then snapmares her over as Ventura speculates what its like to be on the receiving end of something like that. Kai throws Richter in the corner but a charge eats double boot then Wendi covers for a near fall. Leilani distracts the ref so Moolah chokes Wendi on the bottom rope before Cyndi runs over to save the day. Leilani whips Wendi off and hits a boot to the mid-section but Wendi rallies with a forearm and a New Delhi Devastator (and this is 1985 no less). The segment ends right there and I’m starting to get pissed….why put a tape out like this if you’re not going to show the endings? I guess Vince was smart enough to think “If I put out a Highlights tape, lets not show the endings so the fans will go out and buy the real tape!” Well that’s all fine and dandy but that kind of thinking will land this tape in the bargain bin.

Time of match: 1:28 (the real time was 6:13)

Winner: Wendi Richter by pinfall (New Women’s Champion though it wasn’t shown…again)
There is no segment, on to the next match

Match 5

The Un-Americanz (Nikolai Volkoff and Iron Sheik) with Freddie Blassie vs The US Express (Barry Windham and Mike Rotundo) with Captain Lou Albano for the WWF Tag Team Championship

The last 3 matches have gone a minute and a half so start placing bets on how long this one goes. We’re at the part where IRS…er Mike locks in an arm-bar then tags in Windham who once again comes off the top onto the elbow. Rotundo follows with the same elbow drop before Nikolai takes over and rams Rotundo’s head into Sheik’s legendary loaded boot. Sheik backdrops Rotundo and hits an elbow drop for 1…2…nope, near fall. Iron Sheik executes a gut-wrench suplex and covers for a deuce before Rotundo blocks a snap suplex and hits one of his own….and the segment ends here, just as I thought.
Time of match: 1:28 (heh, right on schedule)

Winners: Not shown….but it was The Un-Americanz

There is no segment, on to the next match
Match 6

King Kong Bundy (with Jimmy Hart) vs SD Jones
Heh, I won’t give away the ending but I will say I’ll be shocked if we don’t see this match in its entirety. SD Jones was your basic mid-card face at the time while Bundy was a rising monster heel, fresh from being a member of the Legion of Doom in the NWA. Jones runs into Bundy at the bell and Kong catches him in a bearhug then rams him into the corner. Jones crumples to the floor then gets up as Bundy hits the avalanche followed by the big splash for 1…2….3 and its over just like that. Monsoon and Ventura can’t believe it as Howard Finkel gets on the mic. “Time of the fall….9 SECONDS…your winner King Kong Bundy” Um, what? I specifically counted 23 seconds (which Monsoon ironically says is the previous record) so this was all just hooplah to get Bundy over as Hogan’s future opponent. Not only did they show the match in its entirety but it also showed the pre-match introductions and the post-match celebration. Maybe because we’ve blown through the first 6 matches they’ll show more of the final 3

Time of match: 23 seconds

Winner: King Kong Bundy by pinfall
There is no segment, on to the next match
Match 7

Andre the Giant vs Big John Studd (with Bobby Heenan) in a $15,000 Slam Match

They start off showing Studd and Andre being introduced so I assume they’re going to show the match in its entirety. Tthe rules are simple…..if Andre bodyslams Studd he wins 15 grand but if Studd slams Andre then say goodbye to the Giant. Studd attacks Andre in the corner as the bell rings before Andre rallies with chop and a big headbutt. Andre boots Studd to the outside of the ring and John regroups with Heenan, back inside Andre taunts Studd until backing him into the corner. Andre chokes Studd in the corner and Ventura asks where the ref is, but this isn’t a standard wrestling match so there are no DQ’s to speak of. Andre hits a knee to the head and big hamhock to the head before executing avalanches in the corner. Studd goes for a bodyslam but Andre blocks it then chops away at Studd before hitting a bearhug. The fants chats for Andre to slam as Ventura says “25,000 strong chanting”…..thought the building only held about 17,000 but nevertheless it is a sell out. The bearhug spot is worked for 2 full minutes before letting go and hitting a forearm to the back as Ventura says this could be the last time we could be seeing Andre. Andre hits a headlock and hits another hamhock to the mid-section as the crowd erupts. Andre whips Studd off and catches the foot, then hits another right hand to the face. Andre blocks a back elbow smash before chopping John in the corner. Andre kicks away at Studd’s leg and I’ll let Monsoon handle this one. “Andre now going to work on the leg, LOOK AT THIS…ANDRE PICKS EM UP…HE SLAMMED HIM!!!” This one’s over and Andre wins the match as the crowd erupts again as Finkel hands Andre the bag of money. Andre begins throwing money into the crowd before Heenan sneaks up, steals the bag then runs to the back with Studd. Ventura “They don’t call him The Brain for nothin Gino!” Andre poses in the ring and his career will resume….for a few more years anyway. The segment ends here but I won’t complain, they got everything that needed to be seen here.
Time of match: 5:52

Winner: Andre the Giant

There is no segment, onto the next match
Match 8

“Mr Wonderful” Paul Orndorff and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (with Bob Orton) vs Mr T and Hulk Hogan (with Jimmy Snuka)
Wait a minute, they’re showing the main event in its entirety meaning they purposely cut out Brutus Beefcake vs David Sammartino….heh, shows how much they thought of that fiasco. Hogan and Orndorff start and its well documented these 2 have not liked each other for a long time because of their childhood in Tampa where their high schools were football rivals or something to that extent. Orndorff teases going at it before tagging Piper in. Mr T hops up and down saying let me have him so Hogan tags him in. Piper made it clear on his DVD compilation he never liked Mr. T so this feud was more personal than it was business. Piper hated Mr T, Orndorff and Hogan hated each other so this maybe an out and out shoot by the end. Piper and T staredown nose to nose before they exchange slaps to the face before hitting a go-behind takedown. T tries to sit-out/turn in but Piper maintains the ride. Mr T finally switches out of it as Orndorff fires up Piper in their corner. Mr T puts Piper into a fireman’s carry then drops him like yesterday’s newspaper (Monsoon’s words not mine). Piper backs T into his corner where Orndorff gets in then a melee ensues when all 4 men brawl into the corner. Muhammad Ali and Bob Orton get in the ring as Snuka goes upstairs. Ali throws a punch that sends Piper out of the ring then takes a swing at Orton who retreats to the ground. The heels regroup outside as the camera shows Billy Martin laughing his ass off at the proceedings. Piper motions that they’re outta here as Monsoon scoffs and the heels actually leave the area. Patterson counts up to 8 before Hogan stops him and motions for them to come back and the heels in fact do walk back to ringside. Piper and Paul get in the ring to attack Mr T and Hogan but the faces clean house. They hit a double noggin knocker on the heels before Hogan clotheslines Roddy in the corner. Hulk hits a knoggin knocker on Piper and Orndorff before hitting an atomic drop on the rowdy one. Piper and Hogan trade blows before Hulk makes the tag to Mr T then they hit a double clotheslines. T hits a scoop slam on Piper and an arm-drag on an interfering Orndorff. T hits another slam on Piper and headbutts Orndorff before ramming Piper’s head into Hogan’s knee. Make no mistake about it, in terms of physical condition Mr T has the physique that is better than half the WWF roster so had he went into wrestling, he couldn’t have been any worse than anybody the AWA put out in the late 80’s. Hogan rakes the eyes and big boots Piper over the top rope to the floor. Mr Wonderful interferes and clotheslines Hogan out of the ring so Piper grabs a chair and waffles the Hulkster with it. Muhammad Ali chases Piper back in the ring but Orndorff sneaks out and throws Hogan into the ring. Piper puts the boots to Hogan as Orndorff sneaks in a cheap shot of his own. Mr T interferes so Piper and Orndorff double team the Hulkster. Piper and Orndorff execute a double atomic drop on Hogan as Muhammad Ali gets in the ring to chase Piper out. Fans may not be pleased with Ali’s constant interference but from a kayfabe standpoint he’s supposed to be the enforcer and that’s exactly what he’s doing. Patterson has to beg Ali to get out as Orndorff works over Hulk. Orndorff hits a snap suplex as Ventura says he’s the x-factor of this match being the most technically gifted of all 4 men involved…..well 6 including Snuka and Orton outside. Piper tags in and hits windup punches then a knee lift for 1…2..nope, Hogan kicks out. Piper holds Hogan as Paul tags in and hits a forearm to the back of the neck…..One of the unwritten laws of wrestling is not to hit moves on the back of the neck because you’re more prone to actual injuries, but Orndorff would ROUTINELY do this to Hogan in their matches, pissing off the Hulkster legitimately in the process. Paul covers for a near-fall before hitting a nice backbreaker before going upstairs. Orndorff goes for another forearm off the top but misses, before Hogan makes the hot tag to Mr T. T cleans house before Orndorff is able to take him down. Mr T and Orndorff go high school style as Mr T goes for a roll but Paul wizzers to make sure that doesn’t happen. Piper makes the tag then hits a front headlock on B.A. Barabus before T tags Hogan in.  Both heels interfere so Hogan hits a double noggin knocker on them then headlock punches Orndorff until Wonderful counters with a back suplex. Piper interferes but Patterson cuts him off so both Jimmy Snuka and Cowboy Bob get in the ring. Snuka hits a jumping headbutt that sends Orton over the top to the apron. Patterson is distracted by Snuka as Orndorff puts Hogan in a full nelson. Piper and Mr. T go at it as Patterson turns his attention to him as Orton goes upstairs. Orton comes off the top but Hogan moves and Ace catches Orndorff in the back of the head with the cast. Hogan covers as Snuka roughs up Orton and Patterson gets in position..1……2…..3….its overrrrrrrr!!!!  The ring becomes chaos as everyone gets in the ring before Piper knocks out Patterson, spits at Orndorff and takes off with Orton in tow. Back inside Mr T tends to Orndoff as Billy Martin announce Hogan and Mr T the winner. Orndorff springs to life as Snuka, T, Patterson and Hogan back off. The faces celebrate in the ring as Orndorff doesn’t have a clue what happened before heading to the locker-room. Hogan, Mr. T, Muhammad Ali, Pat Patterson, Snuka, Liberace and Billy Martin all pose and celebrate in the ring as the tape ends, least they showed the main event in its entirety.

Time of match: 13:21

Winners: Mr T and Hulk Hogan by pinfall

After the credits roll, the kickass 1985 trumpet theme plays as they plug the upcoming Coliseum Video releases…now THOSE are what people were buying back in 1985-86, not what we just witnessed. I really can’t badmouth this tape too much because it was only advertised as a highlights tape to begin with. Still though, cutting the matches down to bit segments and cutting an entire match really downplays the importance of the event. They may have showed 2 full matches but the show was DRASTICALLY cut to fit on a 45 minute tape. For that I can’t recommend buying it unless you’re trying to complete a collection like me. 1 star out of 5. Since this was the third and final of the short-lived Collector’s Series, just switch over to the normal Coliseum Video reviews that are up already or will be going up. Ironic how this match was the highlights of the first WrestleMania and the next tape will be WRESTLEMANIA 2

The Hulkster Hulk Hogan (CS002)

This was the second of the original Collector’s Series that included just 3 tapes so this shouldn’t take too long. HULKAMANIA 1 was already in stores so this tape was probably just trying to milk the name for as much as it was worth. We open the tape with just a Coliseum Video graphic, no opening montage. Vince McMahon in a red bowtie shills the action but making an error saying this was the first tape of the Collector’s Series (WWF’s Greatest Matches holds that honor) but no matter. Vince says at the time of this program, Hogan has been the reigning champion for over two years meaning this tape was released sometime in 1986. He says Hogan has defended the title in no less than 25 occasions, which is hogwash. Hulk as the champion would headline every card he’d appear on so he must have defended the belt at least 500 times at the time. Vince says you’ll see three title defenses as well as the match he won the title in against the Iron Sheik. Let’s get to the action.

Match 1

Brutus Beefcake (with Luscious Johnny V) vs Hulk Hogan for the WWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentators: Dick Graham and Gorilla Monsoon

Heh, these two would be buddies for years and years after this so its kind of shocking to see them go at it. This match was from February 16, 1985 in the Philadelphia Spectrum a month before the first Wrestlemania and a year into Hogan’s title reign. Brutus is wearing black and yellow lightning bolt tights and leopard print arm bands with Hogan in his standard yellow trunks. Hogan attacks Beefcake after Brutus takes too long to start with a right hand. Hogan atomic drops Brutus into the corner and he staggers out of the ring. Dick wins the David Crockett award for annoyance a minute into the match because all he does is whoop and holler after every move. Brutus regroups with Johnny V outside before sliding back in. They circle before Beefcake gets the upper hand on a tie up and shoves Hogan into the corner. Beefcake poses for the crowd while Dick calls Hogan “the Hulker”. Hogan goes to tie up but Beefcake struts away. They go to tie up again only this time they both strut away and Beefcake is irate. The crowd cheers when Hogan poses and Brutus charges only to be rammed headfirst into to the buckle. Hogan unloads with four left jabs and a windup roundhouse right. Hogan whips Beefcake into the corner and nails him with a back elbow smash. Hogan whips him off the ropes and floors Brutus with a running clothesline. Hogan drops the big…elbow then gets up to pose. Hogan bites Beefcake on the temple as Monsoon says he learned it from the Junkyard Dog. Hogan gets in a side headlock but Beefcake backs him into the corner and catches him off guard with a shoulderblock. Beefcake unloads with right hands and a forearm to the back. Monsoon says to watch for the high knee as Beefcake comes off the second rope with an axehandle smash that quiets the crowd. Beefcake drops another forearm but Hulk no sells. Beefcake goes to ram Hulk into the corner but he blocks it. Hulk rams Beefcake into the corner 10 times and Brutus flops to the ground. Hogan scoop slams Brutus and drops two elbows. Hogan picks up Beefcake, nails him with two right hands and gets reverse whipped into the corner. Beefcake levels Hogan with a big axehandle in the corner then stands on his head using the ropes for leverage. Brutus chokes Hulk on the second rope then rakes the eyes. Brutus chokes Hulk on the second rope then covers for 1….2….kicked out. Brutus delivers another axehandle to the back before going back to the blatant choke. He covers for a near fall as Gorilla says he’s not going to win the title that way. Brutus delivers a powerslam and covers for 1..2…nope, gotta hook the leg. Brutus drops a knee, a forearm and an elbow before another sloppy cover gets 1…2…HULK UP!!! You know the drill….no sell punches, right hand, right hand, right hand, whip, big boot, scoop slam, leg drop, cover. Oh wait, Johnny V gets on the apron. Hulk chases him off and grabs him by the collar only for Brutus to hit the high knee to the back. Brutus covers for 1….2..no, Hulk gets the leg under the bottom rope. Johnny and Brutus think they’ve won it so Johnny grabs the belt as Brutus celebrates in the ring. Beefcake and Johnny try to put the belt on as referee Joey Morella tells them no no no! Finally Hogan runs up, schoolboys Brutus for 1..2….3 and its over. Hogan is attacked by Beefcake and Brutus until he ducks and Brutus nails Johnny with a big forearm. Hulk rams their heads together. We cut there and thank God, I was sick of Dick whooping and screaming after every move. The one thing I’ll give credit to Vince for, for the most part he stayed away from whooping announcers in the David Crockett mold in favor of the articulate announcers like Gorilla and Jesse or Gorilla and Heenan. Bad match but what do you expect from Hulk and Beefcake?
Time of match: 10:40

Winner: Hulk Hogan by pinfall
We go back to December 1983 to a highlight of the Iron Sheik defeating 5 year champion (if you don’t count his loss to Antonio Inoki in Japan) Bob Backlund for the title to show how Sheik won it…..only to have Hogan take it away. It was a landmark match because of the fact that Backlund had it for 5 YEARS, think 6 months is too long to draw, try having it for half a decade. Vince knew Verne Gagne had dropped the ball in the AWA because he was too stubborn to deal with the growing ego of Hogan, but Vince was a smart business man. He knew that whatever he was going to take in based on the proceeds of Hogan being champion was going to be a hell of a lot more than Hogan was going to garner himself. While Verne frowned upon Hogan’s merchandise sales and Japanese tours, Vince thrived on it and would push other wrestlers to go on foreign tours to promote the product. Even though it was a group effort, one man was the key for Vince’s army….Hogan. The match we’re about to see has been replayed thousands of times and we’re about to take one more look at it.

Match 2

Hulk Hogan vs The Iron Sheik (with Ayatollah Blassie) for the WWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Pat Patterson
This is just a repost from HULKAMANIA 1. The match that started it all, the true dawning of Hulkamania in the national spotlight. This match came about when Bob Backlund was dethroned on December 26, 1983 by the Sheik. Rather than get his deserved rematch, Backlund brought out old Freddie Blassie crony Hulk Hogan. Hogan said he had denounced Blassie and was totally reformed, his mission was to destroy the Sheik and bring the belt back to the good guys. On January 23, 1984 Hogan met Sheik for the title in Madison Square Garden. Hogan crosses himself on his way out to the ring and guess who’s holding the curtain for him, 69 year old Vince McMahon Sr, dying of pancreatic cancer but fighting it long enough to see Hulkamania take off. If you pause your tape/dvd/etc to see that image, it’s an iconic one. The changing of the guard if you will. The regional territory era of Vince Sr is going by the wayside as Hulkamania was about to sweep the nation. It’s a shame the old man died when he did, he would have loved to have seen some of the gigantic crowds his son was about to draw. Sheik’s got the red trunks on. Hogan’s wearing his standard yellow trunks and a red t-shirt that says American Made on the front and Hulk-A-Mania on the back. After the introductions, Sheik turns to take his ring gear off but Hulk PEARL HARBOR’S him because he’s such a role model. Hogan sends Sheik into the corner with his robe still on and delivers an elbow smash. Hulk strangles Sheik with his own robe then sends him off and clotheslines him with the robe. The ref finally gets the robe away from Hogan. Hulk unloads in the corner then delivers a running clothesline. Hulk drops a knee to the throat, rakes the eyes and chokes him over his head. Hogan spits at Sheik and delivers the big boot. Hulk covers but the referee takes forever to get over there and Sheik kicks out at 1. Hogan drops Sheik with a running elbow then drops another elbow. Patterson goes crazy but the cover only gets 2. Hogan whips Sheik into the corner but misses a charge. Sheik finally gets an offensive move in 3 minutes into the match by stomping away at the Hulk. Hulk staggers to his feet and Sheik executes a backbreaker. Sheik covers but Hogan powers out at 2. Sheik goes back to work with boots to the chest then “loads up the boot”. Another boot leads to a Boston crab applied by the Sheik. Monsoon scoffs at the referee for being out of position but Hogan powers out of the hold. Pat wonders when Sheik will go for the camel clutch as he delivers a well executed gut-wrench suplex on Hogan. Another cover 1…2 and no. Sheik goes back to the boots to the kidney then locks in the camel clutch. Patterson says no one’s ever broken the hold as Monsoon says this is what did in Backlund a month earlier. Monsoon “Only the immense power of the Hulk can save him!” Hogan begins to Hulk Up and soon powers his way to his knees. Hogan stands up with Sheik on his back and rams him back in the corner. Sheik falls like a dead deer in the center of the ring. The crowd goes wild and Hogan drops the big leg! The cover gets 1…2…3 AND WE GOT A NEW CHAMPION! Madison Square Garden goes crazy as Hulkamania takes over New York City. Monsoon “History made in Madison Square Garden! Hulkamania….is here.” He wasn’t kidding, folks. Hogan kisses the belt (the same won worn by Backlund a month earlier before Sheik won it) as Fink announces Hogan the winner and new champ. Now Vince had his larger than life champion and the road to dominance was about to begin.

Time of match: 5:34

Winner: Hulk Hogan by pinfall (new WWF Champion)
Its only natural to re-visit the postmatch celebration in the locker room with Hogan ranting and raving to “Mean” Gene Okerlund. Hulk says he’d bring the belt back to the USA and he continues to rant saying the belt is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen and its part of Mean Gene now too. Andre the Giant from out of nowhere pops the cork on a champagne bottle and douses Hogan with it. Andre shakes Hogan’s hand, says he’s proud of him and says something else in his broken English when Ivan Putski pops open another bottle and douses Hogan with it. Ivan “Hey I’m proud of ya Jack” as Gene says “Its super Monday at the Garden” and then HE gets doused from behind by Rocky Johnson. We cut the celebration there and skip forward to Gene interviewing Hulk with his parents, Pete (dad) on his right and Ruth (mom) on his left. His mom says her son is dedicated, he’s wonderful for the sport and its wonderful for him. Gene interviews his dad next and Pete says he’s proud of him and speaks softly until Hulk rants and raves at the top of his lungs. His father looks annoyed as his mother starts laughing. Gene signs off and we cut here. Talk about a party, the true dawning of Hulkamania and the beginning of the national takeover by Vince Jr. We go right to the next match.
Match 3

The Iron Sheik (With “Ayatollah” Blassie) vs Hulk Hogan for the WWF Heavyweight Championship)

Commentators: Dick Graham and Alfred Hays
After Hogan defeated the Sheik and Hulkamania took off, a re-match for the title was inevitable and this match was from May 5, 1984 at the Philadelphia Spectrum. We join the match already in progress as Hogan is wearing blue tights, not his standard yellow trunks with the Sheik in green. He boots Hulk in the throat then loads up the boot. Sheik rams Hulk head first into the boot and delivers a forearm to the head. We get a TAPE EDIT and Sheik taunts Hogan. Sheik goes for a snap suplex but is blocked and Hulk delivers one of his own. Referee Dick Woehrle checks Hogan who’s busted wide open as Dick whoops again. Sheik goes after the open wound but Hulk no sells a series of punches. Hulk lands two right hands, grab Sheik by the handlebar mustache and delivers a windup roundhouse right. Hulk scoop slams Sheik and drops the big leg but doesn’t cover. Hogan says he’s going to make Sheik pay so he undoes the left boot of Sheik. Hulk nails Sheik a few times but still can’t get it off. Hulk rakes the eyes and finally gets the boot off. Hulk caters to the cheering crowd and loads up the boot. Sheik bails but Hogan follows him and waffles him with the boot. Sheik blades on camera but we get a TAPE EDIT and the next shot we see is both Woehrle and Sheik flat on their asses with Hogan ramming the boot into the bloody head of Sheik. A host of jobbers hit the ring to pry Hulk off Sheik as he retreats to the back leaving Hulk to stand tall. Ring announcer Mel Phillips announces it was a double-count out and Hulk is irate. He keeps the belt so its all good. I wish I could have seen the full match because it had the intensity of a grudge match not usually seen on Coliseum Video. Did I just say that? Oh wow.

Time of match: Joined in progress (an unofficial 3:53, the actual match was 14:18)

Winner: No one (Double Count-Out)

Onto the final match with no interviews or hoopla.
Match 4

Don “The Magnificent” Muraco (with Mr. Fuji) vs Hulk Hogan for the WWF Heavyweight Championship in a Steel Cage Match

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and “Mean” Gene Okerlund
This match was from June 21, 1985 at Madison square Garden and Vince overdubs saying this is the rubber match in the series (Muraco won the first match by count-out, Hogan took a re-match at Madison Square Garden by DQ, already covered in GRUDGE MATCHES) and there must be a winner here. Hogan enters the cage wearing the white tights with Muraco in his standard gear. Hogan tosses his bandana and shirt outside before throwing the belt at Muraco. Don goes to whip Hogan with the belt but Hulk ducks under and unloads on him with right hands. The bell rings and Hulk goes to nail Muraco with the belt but Don slides out of the way. The ref gets the belt out of the ring and slams the door as now it’s just one on one. Muraco knees Hogan and attempts to throw him into the cage, but Hulk blocks it. Hulk taunts Don and they circle again. Hulk fakes a tie up before kicking Muraco in the ribs and tries to send him into the cage. Don resists, Hulk rakes the eyes and whips him into the corner. Hulk unloads with a right hand but Don blocks another cage ram attempt. Muraco mulekicks Hogan in the gonads and stomps away at him. Don drops Hogan with a kneelift then continues to kick away. The crowd chants for Hogan as Muraco floors Hogan with another right hand. Muraco drops an elbow to the gonads which is all legal in this match. Muraco goes for the door but Hulk cuts him off with right hands. Muraco gets a thumb to the eye as Mean Gene says the winner is over the top or out the door, no pinfalls or submission. Muraco pounds on Hogan who HULKS UP!!  Rather than the usual head punches, Hogan nails Muraco with two bell-ringers, a whip, a clothesline and a big elbow drop. Hogan bites Muraco on the temple then headbutts him. Hulk torpedoes Muraco head first into the cage. Gorilla “Hulkster ramrodding Muraco into the steel cage!” Take away ‘into the steel cage’ and that doesn’t sound good at all. Muraco is busted wide open as Hulk torpedoes him into the cage again. Don staggers to his feet and Hulk greets him with a series of right hands. Hulk goes for the big clothesline but Muraco catches him and sends him head first into the cage. Muraco slingshots Hogan into the cage as Monsoon points out no one’s tried to leave the cage over the top. Hulk blades and right on cue Muraco goes for the top. He gets halfwayout but Hogan grabs him by the tights. Hulk rams Muraco into the top of the cage before we get a TAPE EDIT. Muraco drops Hogan with an elbow as both men are bloody messes. Monsoon says we got 28 grand in the house tonight which is BS. Muraco lands a right hand but Hogan ducks under another. Muraco runs right into the big boot that sends him through the ropes, getting his head stuck. Muraco unties himself and makes a leap to stop Hogan from leaving the cage. Hogan stomps at Muraco, drops him with a big right hand and exits the cage to win the match. We cut right then and there to the end of the tape. Decent cage match with both guys getting bloody. That’s two straight bloodbaths on this tape, very edgy for the time period.

Time of match: Clipped

Winner: Hulk Hogan
The credits roll with the Rock N Wrestling theme instead of the usual orchestral piece. We then get a montage with the Coliseum Video theme (where was that in the beginning?) for every Coliseum Video that was out at the time. The last one they highlighted was BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 6 so I placed the Collector’s Series after those ones. As for this, I kind of liked this tape, standard mid 80’s action and it was kept short and sweet. It was only packaged as a collector’s Item so no sense blasting it for lack of matches. This was mostly pre-Wrestlemania stuff so it’s more valuable for its historical purpose than it is for the matches themselves. I give it 3 stars out of 5. One point off because Dick Graham is annoying and another off because they cut up the best match on the tape (the Spectrum bloodbath with the Sheik) and kept the worst one in its entirety (Beefcake). This was actually the second tape of the short lived Collector’s Series and the last one is next: HIGHLIGHTS OF WRESTLEMANIA.

WWF Greatest Matches (CS001)

Well, well well what do we have here? In 1986, WWF put out a three part “Collector’s Series” that were brief, 45 minute tapes that I believe was footage they had lying around and wanted to make a buck out of. That could only explain the choice of matches for 2 of the 3 tapes. So the next three reviews are for the “Collector’s Series” This tape starts out without the Coliseum Video opening. That’s a bad omen. We do start out with Vince McMahon as our host for the evening. He runs down the card and the record needle scratches for mebefore the first match as a tape with the “Greatest” matches features Uncle Elmer and Brutus Beefcake in Vince’s intro…not a good sign. We also get Randy Savage’s IC title win and Iron Sheik’s famous World Title win over long time champion Bob Backlund. Unless the matches are drastically edited, it shouldn’t be that bad of a tape.

Match 1

“Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff vs Hulk Hogan for the WWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura
Hogan and Orndorff were rivals dating back to high school so its no surprise they’d be taking on each other in the WWF. This may not be their most famous match (Wrestlemania 1, Big Event, or the Cage match) but this is one of the earlier bouts because there’s a ramp leading to the ring. Actually this match was from April 21, 1985 shortly after Wrestlemania. We’re in the Maple Leaf Gardens in Toronto Canada as I can tell by some of the ambience in the background. We start off with Orndorff climbing the second rope as Vince is still yapping and Hogan delivering a back suplex off the second rope. Hogan is in the yellow trunks with Orndorff in the blue. Hogan sends Paul off and delivers a running clothesline knocking him flat. Paul begs off but Hogan caters to the crowd forcing Orndorff to bail to the outside. Orndorff makes his way back inside and then Hogan delivers a side headlock followed by a shoulderblock, then Orndorff bails again. Monsoon “A good little man has never beaten a good big man”….then again this was the dawn of Vince McMahon’s bodybuilder era and it would be 10 years before the “little” men such as Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, 123 Kid, Brian Pillman among others got their due. They exchange right hands before Hogan goes to the eyes, no doubt pleasing Ventura. Hogan delivers a running clothesline into the corner then atomic drops Mr. Wonderful followed by a headbutt. Hogan covers for a deuce as Monsoon says there’s been a lot of trash talking going down between the two of them. Orndorff delivers his first offensive move 3 minutes in, a kneelift followed by his trademark forearms to the back of the head/neck area (which Hogan says have caused permanent damage, ouch). Orndorff now drops knees to the back of the head before heaving Hogan through the ropes to the outside. Outside, Paul sends Hogan into the steel guardrail before putting the boots to him. Orndorff climbs back inside and caters to the crowd before climbing out and putting the boots to Hogan again. Hogan rolls in so Paul continues to use heel tactics to weaken the champion. Orndorff executes a snap suplex then drops a knee to the throat, the cover gets 1….2…and he got him…no he didn’t. Damn, that was annoying just to type and I had to listen to Vince say it again and again for years. Orndorff continues to stomp away before Hogan begins to rally by ramming Paul’s head into the top turnbuckle a bunch of times. Orndorff staggers and Hogan catches him with a running elbow to the head. Hogan scoop slams Paul and goes for a running elbow drop, but Orndorff rolls out of the way in time. Paul stomps away then goes upstairs, he hits a flying bodypress that Hogan rolls through and the sloppy cover gets 1…2….3 to win the match. Ventura says Orndorff’s shoulders weren’t down but the replay shows they were. Win number 1,203 in a row for Hogan out of about….100,000 to go until 1988 or so. Wasn’t that bad of a match but certainly nothing on the level of their eventual cage match. This was definitely not one of the “greatest matches” they had.
Time of match: 7:25

Winner: Hulk Hogan by pinfall

There is no segment, onto the next match.

Match 2

“Macho Man” Randy Savage (with Miss Elizabeth) vs Tito Santana for the WWF Intercontinental Championship

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura

This match would solidify Savage as a main event player so let’s go back to February 8, 1986 in the Boston Garden (sweeeeet). Macho Man has on the yellow trunks with Tito in the red. Savage jumps in the ring then locks up with Tito, they go back and forth shoving each other as Monsoon hypes the contest. They exchange go-behind’s before Savage hightails it to the ropes and bails to the outside. Back inside Randy headlocks Tito but Santana scissors out of it as Monsoon tells how Macho Man ripped up a bouquet of flowers someone handed to Elizabeth. Ventura “Can you imagine the gall of someone trying to hand her flowers?” They circle the ring as I notice the marquee saying the main event is Hillbilly Jim vs Big John Studd…..yeah, this match is much better. Camera cuts to the lovely Elizabeth as Savage sticks a thumb to the eye, pissing off Santana who chases him out of the ring. Savage yells at a security dude before turning around into right hands from Tito. Santana goes to ram Savage into the post but Randy stops him and throws the champ back inside. Macho Man goes upstairs but jumps into a right hand to the mid section as the Garden crowd applauds. Tito goes to work with right hands and a scoop slam but can’t deliver the flying forearm because Savage bailed to the outside. Santana chases after him but falls for the “first guy back in the ring clobbers the other guy” routine. Savage goes for a boot but Santana catches it, spins him around and delivers an atomic drop. Santana covers for the first pinfall attempt but Randy quickly gets the foot on the ropes. Macho Man goes for the eyes as Danny Davis admonishes him for it, dirty cheater! Randy delivers an axehandle to the back then covers for a 2 count. Savage delivers a left arm clothesline and covers for 1…2…thr….woah, nope. Santana kicks out in time as Savage goes upstairs and once again delivers an axehandle. Another cover gets a near fall as Randy protests to Davis, then Santana begins to rally before Savage gets another thumb to the eye. Santana falls to the arena floor as Randy goes upstairs to deliver an axe handle smash onto him. Ventura says you can’t win the title on the floor and says that’s how Santana escaped against Jesse himself…heh. Santana crawls on the apron where he’s greeted with a right hand right between the eyes. Santana reverses a charge and rams Savage into the ring post, back inside he punches Savage down before putting the boots to him. He hops on the second rope and delivers an elbow smash, the cover gets 1…2…nope, foot on the rope. Tito whips Randy into the corner but a charge eats knee then Savage gets a breather on the top turnbuckle, he covers but Santana throws him ontop of Davis. Tito hits a small package out of nowhere but Davis is still groggy and by the time he makes the count, Savage kicks out at 2. Tito charges but Randy counters with a back elbow smash, then goes for a knee drop but….hits it? He lands on Santana but then rolls around clutching his knee so someone screwed up. Tito pounces and goes to work on the injured leg but Danny Davis keeps getting in the way for some reason. Santana gives the sign for the figure four and applies it as the crowd goes wild, he’s got it locked in the center of the ring. Savage quickly rolls over and makes it to the ropes to break the hold. Savage rolls to the apron but Santana is relentless and suplexes Macho Man back inside the ring. Santana misses a move so Randy slides to the ring apron to pull out something from his tights. He swings and misses and Tito goes for a back suplex, however Randy clocks Santana with the object on the way down.  Randy crawls over on top of Tito and Davis gets down 1……2….THREE AND WE GOT A NEW CHAMPION. Thinking quickly, Savage tosses the piece of steel to the outside as Davis never saw it. Its official, the Macho Man is your new Intercontinental Champion. Savage limps to the back as Monsoon scoffs at the blatent cheating by the Macho Man, Ventura says it’s brilliant. Talk about a passing of the torch, Santana would never see another singles title in 7 more years with the company while Savage still had a yearlong IC title reign along with 2 future WWF Championship runs to go. Does it belong on a tape like this, yes! 1 out of 2 so far.
Time of match: 10:32

Winner: Randy Savage by pinfall (new IC Champion)

There is no segment, onto the next match
Match 3

The Iron Sheik (with Classy Freddie Blassie) vs Bob Backlund (with Arnold Skaaland) for the WWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Pat Patterson
The match that paved the way for the Rock N Wrestling connection to happen, let’s get some backstory out of the way first. Vince McMahon Jr bought the promotion from his father Vince Sr and decided to go national, something unheard of in the territorial days of wrestling. To do this however, he needed a larger than life star. His current WWF Champion Bob Backlund was one of the greatest mat-based wrestlers to ever step in the ring, but on the mic and on camera he was about as exciting as a glass of water. However, he noticed a muscular man with unparallel charisma in the AWA named Hulk Hogan and decided that if he could get this guy, the business would really take off. Once he signed Hogan, he had to get the title on him as soon as possible. The problem was Backlund refused to lose to someone without a realistic amateur background and in those days, babyface vs babyface matches were also unheard of. They needed what was known as a transition champion, someone to beat Backlund for the title and to drop it to Hogan. Vince looked at his roster for a heel with amateur abilities and found The Iron Sheik, a former Olympian for the Iranian national team and on December 26, 1983….Sheik met Backlund for the title in Madison Square Garden. To set the match up for more drama, Backlund was attacked by Sheik and Blassie the week before to drive home the point Backlund was not 100 percent going into the match. It should also be noted Backlund has his head shaved, up to this point in his career he had a full head of hair. Backlund usually wrestled in standard trunks but had on a red singlet for this one. Sheik is in the blue trunks and doesn’t wait for instructions to attack Backlund from behind as the bell rings. He strangles Bob with his turban while his robe is still on. Sheik tosses his turban away then strangles Bob with his robe as Blassie looks on with a smile. Sheik pounds away on the side of the injured neck then boots him a few times. Blassie shouts out “BALI BALI BALI!” a few times until some guy in the crowd shouts it back at him. Bali is actually an island in Indonesia and Blassie admitted in his autobiography he didn’t know what “Bali” meant but as a heel manager, he had to at least look like he knew the language of his wrestler (talk about a lost art). Sheik applies an arm-bar before Backlund arm drags out of it, however Sheik quicky pounces on him with more boots and another arm-bar. Sheik shouts “IRAN NUMBVA VUN!” as Backlund powers out of it and snap mares him over. Backlund favors his left shoulder as Sheik once again bars the arm up, Blassie yells out “SHEIK” and he looks over and smiles at his manager. Patterson shills Iron Sheik and says how determined he is to win the title as Backlund starts jiggling Sheik’s pectoral area (wtf???). Eventually Backlund gets to his feet and sends Sheik off the ropes but runs into a shoulderblock. Blassie yells “COME ON, COME ON!” as Sheik runs into a hiptoss by the champ. Backlund slumps to his knees as Monsoon notes how much pain Bob is despite the fact he hiptossed Sheik with his right arm. Sheik quickly recovers and puts more boots to the back then goes back to the arm-bar. Blassie yells to stomp and “kick em” and Sheik acknowledges him but remains with the arm bar. Sheik then shoots a reversen half and makes a cover but Backlund bridges out of it at 1. Patterson makes note of Sheik’s olympic medal past as Backlund powers out of the hold and delivers a forearm to the gut. Backlund delivers another forearm but then just sits there on his knees to Sheik applies a surfboard. We get a TAPE EDIT….and we skip about 30 seconds to a minute and when we return, Patterson says it helps to have a manager at ringside. Backlund tries to power out of the surfboard but Sheik takes command for another 15 seconds. Bob eventually tosses Sheik and goes for a Nautilus cover but Sheik rolls over and delivers a side headlock, which Backlund scissors out of. Sheik rolls to his knees and bridges so Backlund tries a backslide but his shoulder gives out allowing Sheik to put the boots to him. Sheik misses an elbow drop as Arnold at ring side looks concerned. Sheik goes for a snap suplex but Backlund rolls out of it and goes for his finisher, the rolling prawn hold but again his shoulder gives out at 2. Blassie shouts at Sheik to “kick em” but Sheik instead stands over Backlund giving the sign for the camel clutch. Blassie continues to shout “KICK EM!” but Backlund gets to his knees allowing Sheik to put him in his finisher. Monsoon and Patterson raise their voices to signify how deadly the camel clutch was at the time however Backlund refuses to give up. After 15 seconds Arnold Skaaland stands up and throws in the towel despite the fact Backlund never gave up (these turn of events actually would turn into an angle 11 years later but we’ll get to that at another time). The ref sees the towel and calls for the bell and the crowd goes LIVID. The Iron Sheik is the new WWF Champion and the 5 year reign of Backlund is over. Freddie Blassie climbs in the ring and celebrates loudly with Sheik in the ring, Fred revealed in his autobiography that he new the predetermined outcome of the match but the enthusiasm that one of his proteges had won the title was 100 percent real. Monsoon hypes up the new champ and Patterson says “I am stunned.” Most of the crowd is stunned too, everyone now thinks John Cena or Triple H holds the title too long after a few months….try 5 YEARS. Hogan had the title from 84 to 88 and even that was shorter than Backlund’s reign. With this win, Iron Sheik cements his status as a hall of fame wrestler, it opens the door for Hogan and the Rock n Wrestling connection to step in and dominate the industry and it also plants a seed for a comeback by Backlund 11 years later. Blassie puts the belt on upside down as Howard Finkel announces the new champ. Sheik’s reign would only last a month but the night was his, and no one can ever take that away. Does this belong as a “greatest” match? Absolutely! We’re 2 out of 3 so far.
Time of match: An un-official 11:50 due to the tape edit

Winner: The Iron Sheik by submission (new WWF Champion)

There is no segment, on to the final match.

Match 4

The Country Boys (Hillbilly Jim and Uncle Elmer) vs The Dream Team (Brutus Beefcake and Greg Vallentine) with Luscious Johnny V

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Alfred Hays
On a tape titled GREATEST matches…..you mean to tell me that Brutus Beefcake, Hillbilly Jim and Uncle Elmer are capable of having a great match? Fortunately Greg “The Hammer” Valentine is involved so we’ll give this the benefit of the doubt for now since he’s capable of carrying a match. This Madison Square Garden match is from September 1985 since that’s after when the Dream Team beat The US Express for the belts, meanwhile Johnny V is wearing an impeccable suit. Hillbilly and Elmer enter without music as Monsoon says the advantage goes to The Dream Team based on their cohesiveness in the ring. Hays says the most dangerous wrestler of the match is Valentine (true) and Monsoon says he reminds him of Pedro Morales (also true). Brutus is in the long blue tights, Valentine is in the black trunks. Jim is in standard gear and Elmer has the white shirt on under the overalls. Greg starts out with Jim and the big guy cartwheels to show his injured leg has healed. (Dream Team did a number on him and Cousin Junior months earlier). Valentine wastes no time and springs with a headlock which Jim turns into a telegraphed big boot (seriously Greg, he put his foot up as soon as you left to run, how did you not see it coming?) Anyway Valentine does his “Valentine Flop” as Jim goes to work with a headbutt into the corner. Jim whips Greg off the corner and delivers a sloppy looking shoulder breaker which Valentine sells anyway. Hillbilly goes for the cover but the referee is out of position resulting in a one count. Jim goes to a side headlock then tags in Elmer who delivers a sloppy looking punch to the gut. Elmer picks Greg up by the throat and heaves him halfway across the ring. Valentine begs off in the corner before climbing up to the second rope as Elmer stands there shaking a fist at him. Valentine delivers a forearm to the back of the neck and I nearly spit out my popcorn….ELMER WAS WATCHING HIM GO UP THE TURNBUCKLE, WHAT DO YOU THINK HE WAS ABOUT TO DO? Valentine tags in Beefcake for the first time all match and he delivers a running boot to the neck. Beefcake stomps away then struts around the ring, heh. Valentine tags back in and delivers a running elbow drop to the fallen Elmer. Valentine drops another elbow then makes the cover, but Elmer tosses him off at 1. Beefcake tags in and baits Hillbilly Jim to get in the ring but neither one of The Dream Team does anything to take advantage. Beefcake continues to go to work but Elmer crawls his way to the corner and makes the tag to Jim. Hillbilly cleans house of Valentine and Beefcake before catching Brutus with a bearhug. Beefcake waves for Greg to help and he delivers a knee to the back of Hillbilly Jim, breaking the hold. Jim delivers a punch to the gut then somersaults into the corner to make the tag to Elmer. Elmer one arm slams Beefcake then drops a big leg on him before making the cover..1…nope, Valentine drops an elbow to save his partner. Hillbilly intercepts Valentine and now a brawl erupts, forcing Johnny V to make his way onto the apron. Jim headbutts him as Elmer does an avalanche to Beefcake in the corner. Elmer does a bearhug of his own in the middle of the ring on Beefcake but doesn’t see Valentine going upstairs. Greg comes off the top with a forearm that knocks Brutus on top of Elmer, and the ref turns around to see it..1…..2….3 and this one is over. Jim had more than enough time to make the save but didn’t turn around, which is why The Country Boys never did shit in their tenure, too stupid. First Elmer watches Valentine deliver a forearm and then Jim doesn’t have the presence of mind to turn his head 3 feet to notice his partner in trouble. Either way this mess is over and The Dream Team have retained the titles. Beefcake and Valentine bail with the belts as they are pelted with garbage then the credits roll.

Time of match: 4:59

Winners: The Dream Team by pinfall

Well, for a 4 match collector’s tape….it shockingly was pretty good. You had an awesome IC title match, the landmark title change from Backlund to Sheik, the talents of Greg Valentine and Paul Orndorff and of course the focal point of the company Hulk Hogan. The commentary was decent (shocking consider Alfred Hays was in one of the matches) and the tape was short and sweet for people that have lousy attention spans. Could have done without the edit job of Backlund’s match but other than that, nothing too much to complain about. Normally this would be a 4 star tape but this was supposedly the ‘GREATEST’ matches and I can’t forgive Uncle Elmer being in a match dubbed “the greatest” so a half star off for the obvious lie.  Another star off because that was not the best Hogan match they had either. 3 1/2 stars out of 5 and definitely watchable if you can get your hands on it. The next tape after this is THE HULKSTER HULK HOGAN so we’ll pick up there.

Wrestlemania 1 (WF004)

WRESTLEMANIA 1 (WF004)

After BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 1 came the first WRESTLEMANIA. There’s a lot of backstory that went into the making of it and I’ll try to do the best I can to piece it all together. It started when Vince McMahon Jr purchased Georgia Championship Wrestling from Jim Barnett in May of 1984. GCW had been broadcast on Ted Turner owned TBS “The Superstation” for a decade and it featured classic NWA wrestling. In what would later be called “Black Saturday”, on July 14, 1984 Vince McMahon appeared on Georgia Championship and switched the programming from NWA wrestling to re-runs of WWF matches. The predominantly southern fans revolted as the difference in product between the NWA and WWF was severe. Instead of classic wrestling they got cartoon wrestling. The ratings hit the toilet almost immediately and Turner was pissed. To get back at Vince, Ted allowed a half hour timeslot for Ole Anderson’s Championship Wrestling From Georgia featuring anyone that refused to go to the WWF when first bought (among those were Jake Roberts, Gordon Solie and Ted Dibiase). Vince was pissed and felt that only he should be allowed on the Superstation. Turner told him to improve the ratings or get lost. Vince then sold his timeslot to Jim Crockett Promotions for a huge chunk of cash. What did he do with that cash? That’s the second part of the story. While all this was going on, in his own company, Hulkamania was running wild. Hulk Hogan was a huge ratings draw wherever he was booked and was starting to get national attention. Something was missing though, Vince knew if he wanted to hit the big time, he needed to be in the mainstream. That’s when a lucky plane ride changed the course of wrestling history. Captain Lou Albano just happened to be on the same plane as rock star Cindy Lauper and the two struck up a friendship. Cindy then asked Lou to play the role of her father on her world famous video “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”. Soon after Cindy began popping up at WWF events which led to MTV taking notice. In what would become the “Rock N Wrestling Connection” 9 days after Vince started airing his crap on GCW, MTV aired “Brawl To End It All” which launched WWF into the national spotlight. This was followed up by “War To Settle The Score” which featured Hulk Hogan taking on top heel “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (who was stolen from the NWA a year prior). Now with the mainstream attention and a huge chunk of change from the GCW sale, Vince needed a home run show. Supercards were nothing new, Starrcade 83 had been the most successful for the NWA. Vince knew he needed something bigger. Something that would revolutionize the wrestling business and how supercards should be run. TV tough guy Mr. T had befriended Hulk Hogan and Vince decided to run a supercard featuring a tag match featuring his top heels (Piper and Paul Orndorff) and Hogan/T. He had the venue set for Madison Square Garden and he had the finance, he just needed a name. Howard Finkel…yes, The Fink himself suggested “Wrestlemania” and Vince ran with it. Shown on closed-circuit television, Wrestlemania 1, the first of what would become the pinnacle of wrestling events was held on March 31, 1985 and it featured the biggest showdown of the year with television superstar Mr T along with WWF Champion Hulk Hogan taking on the biggest heel in not only the WWF but in wrestling as well “Rowdy” Roddy Piper and “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff. I’m not kidding about the heel line, even though Flair was a heel as a part of The Horsemen he was loved in his role and over in the AWA did anyone give a damn about Stan Hansen? Piper was definately the number 1 heel in wrestling at this point so to see him get his possible comeuppance from the Hulkster was something everyone wanted to see.  Also included was the famous 15,000 dollar slam match where if Andre slammed Big John Studd he’d win 15 grand but if Studd won Andre would retire. Plus we get a tag team title match between the original Un-Americans Nikolai Volkoff and Iron Sheik against the US Express Barry Whindam and Mike Rotundo. This event started it all so let’s get right down to it. Vince McMahon’s voice appears and runs down the card before we get sent to Monsoon, Ventura and Gene Okerlund who sings the national anthem (ugh).

MARCH 31, 1985

MADISON SQUARE GARDEN

NEW YORK, NY

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura
Match 1

Tito Santana vs The Executioner

You know…..I think its really dumb they had to hide “Playboy” Buddy Rose (The Executioner) like this, but since this was a one time appearance I guess it was justified. I still get a kick how Mean Gene Okerlund would interview both participants in the matches mere seconds after the other departed the screen…and this was back when kayfabe was still a big deal. Executioner (who clearly looks and sounds like Buddy Rose) says he’s gonna go after Santana’s leg while Tito says he’s gonna win….arriba! Bells gone and they run the ropes adjacent from each other before Santana hits a backdrop and a dropkick on The Executioner who falls through the ropes to the outside. Ventura “Woodstock was to rock n roll what Wrestlemania is to wrestling” well put. Back inside Santana hits a headlock who walks up the rope and turns it into a headlock takeover. Executioner and Santana trade blows before Executioner takes over in the corner and hits a knee to the solar plexus. Executioner goes for a figure four but Santana blocks it, then he goes for a step over toe wrench which Santana counters into a cradle for a near fall. Santana fires away in the corner and goes for a piledriver, but Executioner counters with a back drop. He hits a bodyslam and goes upstairs but Santana catches him with a slam off the top. Santana goes for a big splash but Executioner gets the knees up just in time, then he works over the left leg on the second rope before Tito kicks him over the top rope into the time-keeper’s table. Tito hits a power slam from the apron to the ring and hits the flying forearm out of nowhere. Tito drags him to the center of the ring and locks in the figure four as Executioner submits quickly though the time keeper’s asleep and takes forever to ring the bell. Howard Finkel gets in the ring with the official word as Santana takes the first match in Wrestlemania history.

Time of Match: 4:40

Winner: Tito Santana by submission
Alfred Hays in the aisle way shills the upcoming Bundy/Jones showdown who sends it to Okerlund who interviews Jones first. SD “I’m gonna get down with the biggest man in town” and 5 seconds after Jones leaves in walks Bundy and Hart…..like I said earlier, this was back when kayfabe was a real big deal so we’re supposed to believe Bundy let him stand there and say all this stuff? Bundy says he’s gonna avalanche the poor guy and get the 5 count. Back to ringside….

Match 2

King Kong Bundy (with Jimmy Hart) vs SD Jones

SD Jones was your basic mid-card face at the time while Bundy was a rising monster heel, fresh from being a member of the Legion of Doom in the NWA. Jones runs into Bundy at the bell and Kong catches him in a bearhug then rams him into the corner. Jones crumples to the floor then gets up as Bundy hits the avalanche followed by the big splash for 1…2….3 and its over just like that. Monsoon and Ventura can’t believe it as Howard Finkel gets on the mic. “Time of the fall….9 SECONDS…your winner King Kong Bundy” Um, what? I specifically counted 23 seconds (which Monsoon ironically says is the previous record) so this was all just hooplah to get Bundy over as Hogan’s future opponent.

Time of match: 23 seconds

Winner: King Kong Bundy by pinfall

Back to Alfred Hays who shills the upcoming match as Bundy makes his way back to the locker room. Mean Gene interviews Borne first and he says Steamboat’s too nice of a guy and he’s gonna beat him up then Ricky comes in and scoffs at Borne for basically calling him a wuss and says he’s gonna take him out.

Match 3

“Maniac” Matt Borne vs Ricky Steamboat

This could be the sleeper as match of the night because Borne was more talented than he looked (and this was 8 years before he became Doink the Clown) and we all know how great Steamboat was. Borne was competing in tboth Portland and Mid-South when he was brought in for the match. Ventura hypes Matt’s father “Tough” Tony Borne who wrestled many moons ago including an encounter with Gorilla himself. They tie up to start before Steamboat leapfrogs over Borne and goes for the double chop but Matt catches himself, then runs into the double chop anyway. Steamboat hits a snap mare and a headlock as Monsoon hypes up him and Jimmy Snuka as possible tag team title contenders. Steamboat rolls through an atomic drop attempt and hits one of his own, then mocks Borne’s selling of the maneuver. Steamboat goes back to the side headlock before Borne hits an inverted atomic drop and a knee lift. Borne fires away in the corner but Steamboat hits a boot to the head (yeah yeah!) and a chop from the second rope. Steamboat hits another double karate chop as the announcers shill Ricky’s physique and Borne’s intelligence. Borne backs Ricky in the corner and hits a series of knee’s to the mid-section followed by a BtB suplex. Matt hits a snap suplex and covers for 1..2…nope, they trade blows in the ring before Steamboat gets the upper hand with karate chops. Steamboat hits a back suplex, a reverse neckbreaker and 2 knee drops for a cover of 1..2…nope. Steaboat leapfrogs over Borne and hits some sort of double punch to the face, then he goes upstairs and hits the FLYING CROSSBODY for 1…2….three and we have a winner. Short and sweet….so much for my match of the night prediction.

Time of match: 4:38

Winner: Ricky Steamboat by pinfall

Back to Alfred Hays who hypes up the upcoming Sammartino/Beefcake showdown before sending it over to Okerlund with the pre-match interview. David says he and his dad have been training hard and he’s gonna avenge Hillbilly Jim by taking Beefcake out before Bruno says if Johnny V interferes he’s gonna knock him out.  Beefcake and Johnny enter WHILE DAVID IS STILL ON SCREEN….are u kidding me, Verne Gagne would have a heart attack if he saw this going on in the AWA. Anyway Johnny V cuts a funny promo that’s too fast to be mentioned here so let’s go back to ringside. Its funny how Johnny Valiant became a manager for WWF while brother Jimmy was still competing for Crockett at this time.
Match 4

Brutus Beefcake (with Johnny Valiant) vs David Sammartino (with Bruno Sammartino)

Poor David, the old man’s shoes were too big to fill and even when matched up against a stiff like Beefcake, he STILL gets laughed at. There’s no referee in the ring so they stall for a while as Monsoon and Ventura discuss the possibility of Beefcake being “Luscious” Johnny Valiant’s son. They exchange tie-ups after the bell before David hits a drop-toe hold as the camera pans to Bruno outside. They exchange go-behinds and takedowns before Brutus slides under the ring and regroups with Valiant. Back inside David hits a series of old school takedowns and goes to the front headlock, a Sammartino trademark. Beefcake threatens to pound the ref before David counters a scoop slam with an arm-bar. David drops a leg on the left shoulder before Beefcake gets up and hits a high school style headlock for 1…2..nope. Brutus hits a shoulder-block and an arm=drag but Sammartino nips up and catches Beefcake with a double toe-hold. Beefcake powers out of it but David catches the leg and applies a step-over. Brutus counters a figure four attempt but Sammartino continues with the leg lock as Beefcake doesn’t even sell it….seriously, he adjusts his arm pads and barely looks like he’s in pain. Beefcake gets a thumb to the eye and hits a backdrop before hitting a series of forearms to the sternum. Beefcake hits a scoop slam and goes back on offense with elbows in the corner. Beefcake hits a hard irish whip into the corner, poses, then hits a series of knees to the mid-section. Bruno gets the crowd to chant for David as Beefcake runs straight into a back body-drop. Sammartino rallies with clubbing right hands and jabs before hitting a weak looking boot to the mid-section. David hits a big knee to the head and a snap suplex then covers for 1…2..negative. Beefcake throws David out of the ring where Valiant pounces and slams him on the concrete floor…causing the old man to toss Valiant in the ring for an ass kicking. Bruno waffles Johnny with a series of forearms before Beefcake pounds away to stop the momentum. David comes over and all 4 men go at it as the ref calls for the bell before the Sammartino’s clean house. The crowd erupts but then boos when Finkel announces the match is a draw. The first and last appearance of David Sammartino on any major WWF event as Beefcake was just getting started.

Time of match: 11:40

Winner: No one…double DQ

Back to Alfred Hays who shills the upcoming IC title match before sending it over to Gene Okerlund for the pre-match interviews. Valentine says he’s the master of the figure four and he’s gonna hammer JYD before Dog comes in and says he’s going to get his hands on Jimmy Hart. Back to ringside with Gorilla and Jesse.

Match 5

Junkyard Dog vs Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (with Jimmy Hart) for the WWF Intercontinental Championship

JYD, one of the most popular black athletes in wrestling history gets a title shot here. JYD had come over from Mid-South wrestling (damn near crippling the promotion as he was the top star) for this one. Valentine enters first as Another One Bites The Dust hits and JYD enters. I should point out JYD is the first person to use entrance music as everyone else to this point didn’t have any. They fake hitting each other as JYD jukes and jives to the crowd’s delight before hitting an arm twister. Valentine whips JYD off but Dog catches the foot then catches Greg with a right hand. Valentine hits a knee and an elbow but misses a forearm so JYD hits his trademark headbutts on the ground before the camera pans to the Garden crowd. Monsoon says Hart is now the manager of Jim Niedhart, Bundy and Valentine before Valentine goes back on offense. Greg hits a forearm to the back of the neck and an elbow drop to the mid-section before going over the right leg of JYD. Valentine goes for a half-crab and stretches the knee as the crowd begins to roar for JYD. Valentine hits a headbutt to the midsection but JYD counters the figure four attempt and sells the injury well. Valentine works him over in the corner before Dog rallies with right hands and headbutts as Valentine does the flop. Jimmy Hart gets on the apron and Dog grabs him but moves out of the way causing Valentine
to hammer Jimmy to the floor. Dog backs Valentine in the corner with forearm and a headbutt before Valentine rake the eyes and scoops the legs with his feet on the rope for 1…2…3 and Valentine wins it. All of a sudden Tito Santana hits the ring and tells the ref Valentine had his foot on the rope. All of a sudden the ref calls for the match to continue making him the smartest ref in the history of wrestling up to this point, but Valentine wants no part of it and stays out of the ring. Dog wins by count-out but the title does not change hands on a count-out so The Hammer is still the champ. Santana and Dog taunt Valentine in the ring as Greg teases getting in to fight them before walks to the back. That was supposed to be a 1 hour time limit and it didn’t even go 7 minutes…..the next 4 matches better be long because this is crash style so far.

Time of match: 6:53

Winner:  Junkyard Dog by count-out (Valentine retains the title)

Back to Hays who shills the upcoming tag team title match before sending it over to Okerlund for the pre-match interviews. Sheik says down with America while my favorite manager of all time Blassie says we’re looking at the next champions. Gene “Ok commie…er comrade” Volkoff “I came, I saw, I conquer” Albano walks in with a beer in his hand and says the Express is gonna win, now THAT’S confidence.

Match 6

The Un-Americanz (Nikolai Volkoff and Iron Sheik) with Freddie Blassie vs The US Express (Barry Windham and Mike Rotundo) with Captain Lou Albano for the WWF Tag Team Championship

The men who would become IRS and The Stalker (father and uncle of a Wyatt family member too) take on Sheik and Volkoff here. The Express had beaten the North/South Connection (Adrian Adonis and Dick Murdoch) for the belts two months prior. Before the match Nikolai does his pre-match ritual by singing the Soviet National Anthem as the Garden crowd heaves garbage in the ring. Sheik “RUSSIA NUMBA VUN….IRAN NUMBA VUN…AMERICA HACK PATOIE!” Born in the USA by Bruce “The Boss” Springstein hits and the Express make their entrance. With 3 out of the 4 wrestlers in their prime, this could be the sleeper that Borne/Steamboat wasn’t. Rotundo starts off with Sheik as Ventura says you’ll see bad world series and superbowls but not Wrestlemania….yah wait until Wrestlemania 11. Rotundo hits an armdrag, dropkick, a scoop slam and a headlock takedown as Ventura shills. Windham makes the tag and hits an elbow from off the top rope then hits a boot to the mid-section. Sheik backs Barry back in the corner and Volkoff holds, but Windham escapes and Sheik dropicks Volkoff instead. Volkoff tags in and the camera shows an instant replay of the dropkick before going back to live action where Rotundo hits a back elbow smash. IRS…er Mike locks in an arm-bar then tags in Windham who once again comes off the top onto the elbow. Rotundo follows with the same elbow drop before Nikolai takes over and rams Rotundo’s head into Sheik’s legendary loaded boot. Sheik backdrops Rotundo and hits an elbow drop for 1…2…nope, near fall. Iron Sheik executes a gut-wrench suplex and covers for a deuce before Rotundo blocks a snap suplex and hits one of his own. Nikolai tags in and drops him throat first on the top rope as Blassie shouts “Kick em!” Rotundo switches out of a hammerlock as the crowd gets a USA chant going. Mike hits a sunset flip for 1..2…noooo, Volkoff quickly gets up and puts the boots to him. Volkoff hits a knee to the mid-section and boots before ramming Mike’s head once again into Sheik’s boot. The heels double team Rotundo before Sheik applies an abdominal stretch as the camera pans to Blassie and Albano trading invectives. Rotundo escapes and Volkoff tags in but Mike finally makes it to Windham, who fires away at Nikolai with fists and a dropkick. Windham hits the bulldog and covers for 1..2…nope, Sheik cuts him off. Rotundo gets in and dropkicks Sheik to the floor but Blassie sneaks the cane into Sheik’s hands. The ref is distracted by Rotundo as Sheik breaks the cane over the back of Windham who crumbles to the floor. Nikolai rolls him over and covers for 1….2…3 and we got new tag team champions. Iron Sheik becomes the first superstar since Bob Backlund to be both World champion and Tag champion in their careers. I should point out the Express left the company not long after this and Windham wouldn’t compete in another Wrestlemania for 12 more years while Rotundo resurfaced 7 years later as I.R.S.

Time of match: 6:51

Winners: The Un-Americanz by pinfall (New Tag Team Champions)

Mean Gene interviews the new champs and scoffs at Blassie for using the cane. Freddie “Cane? What cane? I didn’t have no cane!” Sheik says Gene Mean and spits at the US again as Okerlund sends it back to Monsoon and Ventura who goes over what we just saw. Back to Alfred Hays who shills the upcoming $15,000 slam match who sends it back to Okerlund for the pre-match interviews. Studd and Heenan enter with the duffel bag of money and its funny to see Okerlund try to stick his hand in as Heenan swats it away. Heenan “There’s only 2 people that are gonna see this money, me and Studd….make it 3, the teller at the bank when we deposit the money.” The next segment is shilling Wrestlemania merchandise which makes no sense because the announcer dude says “pick it up in the corridors” which is an insinuation people watching this commercial is at the Garden? Whatever….on to the match.

Match 7

Andre the Giant vs Big John Studd (with Bobby Heenan) in a $15,000 Slam Match

Ok, the rules are simple…..if Andre bodyslams Studd he wins 15 grand but if Studd slams Andre then say goodbye to the Giant. Studd attacks Andre in the corner as the bell rings before Andre rallies with chop and a big headbutt. Andre boots Studd to the outside of the ring and John regroups with Heenan, back inside Andre taunts Studd until backing him into the corner. Andre chokes Studd in the corner and Ventura asks where the ref is, but this isn’t a standard wrestling match so there are no DQ’s to speak of. Andre hits a knee to the head and big hamhock to the head before executing avalanches in the corner. Studd goes for a bodyslam but Andre blocks it then chops away at Studd before hitting a bearhug. The fants chats for Andre to slam as Ventura says “25,000 strong chanting”…..thought the building only held about 17,000 but nevertheless it is a sell out. The bearhug spot is worked for 2 full minutes before letting go and hitting a forearm to the back as Ventura says this could be the last time we could be seeing Andre. Andre hits a headlock and hits another hamhock to the mid-section as the crowd erupts. Andre whips Studd off and catches the foot, then hits another right hand to the face. Andre blocks a back elbow smash before chopping John in the corner. Andre kicks away at Studd’s leg and I’ll let Monsoon handle this one. “Andre now going to work on the leg, LOOK AT THIS…ANDRE PICKS EM UP…HE SLAMMED HIM!!!” This one’s over and Andre wins the match as the crowd erupts again as Finkel hands Andre the bag of money. Andre begins throwing money into the crowd before Heenan sneaks up, steals the bag then runs to the back with Studd. Ventura “They don’t call him The Brain for nothin Gino!” Andre poses in the ring and his career will resume….for a few more years anyway. I look at this match not for the catch-as-catch-can but for the drama and the storyline because in 1985, 15 grand or retire was a big deal so this match certainly was legendary. Screw the ROH smarks and spotfest lovers.

Time of match: 5:52

Winner: Andre the Giant

Back to Okerlund who interviews Andre who says in his booming voice that he doesn’t care about the money and tries cutting a promo but is cut off as we send it back to Monsoon and Ventura. The man just saved his career, let him speak dammit! We send it back to Alfred Hays who tries to shill the upcoming women’s match but is cut off by Moolah who kisses him on the lips. Alfred “Good gracious!” then Leilani kisses him before he finally sends it to Mean Gene. Okerlund interviews Lauper and Richter then Cyndi in her thick Brooklyn accent she’s gonna get her hands on Moolah. Richter says she’s gonna get her belt back as the camera cuts off allowing Moolah and Leilani to enter….why couldn’t they have done that all night to make it look like they weren’t standing next to each other. Moolah is wearing flamboyant glasses and Okerlund says don’t tell Ventura about them so he doesn’t get any ideas. Back to ringside for the match…..
Match 8

Wendi Richter (with Cyndi Lauper and David Wolfe) vs Leilani Kai (with Fabulous Moolah) for the WWF Womens Championship

Ironically this match was more hyped up than the previous 7 (Andre included) because of the involvement of Lauper on MTV. Richter had originally dethroned Moolah and Moolah trained Leilani to get the belt back, which she did. Richter, Wolfe and Lauper come running out to Girls Just Wanna Have Fun as the crowd goes crazy for the trio. Cyndi gets in Leilani’s face before the bell and Kai motions that she’s crazy, haha good one. I don’t know whether it was because I was a weird kid or not but when I first saw this match I thought Leilani was much more gorgeous than Wendi but Richter was the better wrestler. Monsoon says Cyndi stole her outfit out of Ventura’s dresser as we get underway with the big title match. They tie up and roll around the ropes before Leilani backs Wendi in the corner. Wendi punches Leilani halfway across the ring then hits an armdrag but Leilani nips Richter off her. Kai hits an armdrag but Wendi turns it into a hammerlock before THROWING her in hammerlock position a good 3 feet in the air, how Leilani didn’t tear a shoulder in the process I don’t know. Leilani reaches back and hits a series of snapmares as Cyndi shouts encouragement for Wendi. Leilani goes back to old school holds, a tribute to Moolah I’m sure.  They trade blows in the ring before Leilani grabs Wendi by the hair and throws her into the corner, then hits a snapmare before choking her down. Wendi applies a body scissors from sex position and Leilani shows how strong she is by pulling her all the way to her feet but Wendi hits a forearm to the chest. They appear to go for the same gut-wrench suplex but Wendi being taller falls forward into a lateral press for 1…2….nope. Leilani holds on to the hair then snapmares her over as Ventura speculates what its like to be on the receiving end of something like that. Kai throws Richter in the corner but a charge eats double boot then Wendi covers for a near fall. Leilani distracts the ref so Moolah chokes Wendi on the bottom rope before Cyndi runs over to save the day. Leilani whips Wendi off and hits a boot to the mid-section but Wendi rallies with a forearm and a New Delhi Devastator (and this is 1985 no less). Wendi splashes on top for 1….2..nope, near fall. Wendi whips Leilani into the corner where she goes for a splash but Kai gets the knees up in time. Leilani puts the boots to Wendi and hits a backbreaker for 1….2..NOOOO, that was close. Leilani hits a scoop slam then goes upstairs and hits a flying crossbody, but then Wendi rolls through it for 1….2……3 and we got a new WWF Women’s champion! Cyndi runs around and strangles Moolah with the towel before she trips getting into the ring. A funny spot that I find funny is Cyndi tries to pick up Wendi but can’t and Wendi picks up Cyndi effortlessly. They then do a dose-do dance as Girls Just Wanna Have Fun once again blares to the Madison Square Garden crowd.  Monsoon goes to the replay of the finish and speculates when Leilani came off the top she hit her head on the canvas allowing Wendi to roll on top……good explanation but anyways we got a new champion. I should point out this would be the last Women’s title change at a Wrestlemania for 16 years.

Time of match: 6:13

Winner: Wendi Richter by pinfall (New Women’s champion)

We go back to Mean Gene in the locker-room who interviews the new champ, where she says she beat “Leilani Cow”. Captain Lou makes his way into the picture as Gene asks “Did Moolah get in your way Cyndi?” Wendi “Are you crazy??” Cyndi “Yeah she’s bigger than me but I took care of her” before sending it to Howard Finkel in the ring. Fink turns things over to New York Yankees manager Billy Martin who is the special guest ring announcer. He gets a standing O from the crowd which is weird considering how many times he’s been hired and fired as manager. He then introduces Liberace as the special guest time-keeper (who dances a jig with the Rockettes in the ring) Billy then introduces the special guest referee Pat Patterson and special guest enforcer former world heavyweight boxing champion Muhammad Ali. Jose Torrez the former light-heavyweight champion leads Ali to the ring as the crowd gives a much deserved applause for the duo. Now its time for the main event……
Match 9

“Mr Wonderful” Paul Orndorff and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (with Bob Orton) vs Mr T and Hulk Hogan (with Jimmy Snuka)

A Bagpipe band makes their way to the ring signaling the arrival of wrestling’s number one heel ROWDY…..RODDY….PIPER!!  The Rowdy one makes his entrance with Mr Wonderful and “Ace” Bob Orton. Not to nitpick, but couldn’t this have been a six man tag match since Snuka was equally as loved in the Garden as Hogan and Orton was Piper’s bodyguard…ah well, no use squawking about it now. Mr. T, Snuka and Hogan make their entrance to Eye of the Tiger as the Garden crowd goes nuts. They take FOREVER to start before Liberace stands and rings his custom made bell to start the main event. Hogan and Orndorff start and its well documented these 2 have not liked each other for a long time because of their childhood in Tampa where their high schools were football rivals or something to that extent. Orndorff teases going at it before tagging Piper in. Mr T hops up and down saying let me have him so Hogan tags him in. Piper made it clear on his DVD compilation he never liked Mr. T so this feud was more personal than it was business. Piper hated Mr T, Orndorff and Hogan hated each other so this maybe an out and out shoot by the end. Piper and T staredown nose to nose before they exchange slaps to the face before hitting a go-behind takedown. T tries to sit-out/turn in but Piper maintains the ride. Mr T finally switches out of it as Orndorff fires up Piper in their corner. Mr T puts Piper into a fireman’s carry then drops him like yesterday’s newspaper (Monsoon’s words not mine). Piper backs T into his corner where Orndorff gets in then a melee ensues when all 4 men brawl into the corner. Muhammad Ali and Bob Orton get in the ring as Snuka goes upstairs. Ali throws a punch that sends Piper out of the ring then takes a swing at Orton who retreats to the ground. The heels regroup outside as the camera shows Billy Martin laughing his ass off at the proceedings. Piper motions that they’re outta here as Monsoon scoffs and the heels actually leave the area. Patterson counts up to 8 before Hogan stops him and motions for them to come back and the heels in fact do walk back to ringside. Piper and Paul get in the ring to attack Mr T and Hogan but the faces clean house. They hit a double noggin knocker on the heels before Hogan clotheslines Roddy in the corner. Hulk hits a knoggin knocker on Piper and Orndorff before hitting an atomic drop on the rowdy one. Piper and Hogan trade blows before Hulk makes the tag to Mr T then they hit a double clotheslines. T hits a scoop slam on Piper and an arm-drag on an interfering Orndorff. T hits another slam on Piper and headbutts Orndorff before ramming Piper’s head into Hogan’s knee. Make no mistake about it, in terms of physical condition Mr T has the physique that is better than half the WWF roster so had he went into wrestling, he couldn’t have been any worse than anybody the AWA put out in the late 80’s. Hogan rakes the eyes and big boots Piper over the top rope to the floor. Mr Wonderful interferes and clotheslines Hogan out of the ring so Piper grabs a chair and waffles the Hulkster with it. Muhammad Ali chases Piper back in the ring but Orndorff sneaks out and throws Hogan into the ring. Piper puts the boots to Hogan as Orndorff sneaks in a cheap shot of his own. Mr T interferes so Piper and Orndorff double team the Hulkster. Piper and Orndorff execute a double atomic drop on Hogan as Muhammad Ali gets in the ring to chase Piper out. Fans may not be pleased with Ali’s constant interference but from a kayfabe standpoint he’s supposed to be the enforcer and that’s exactly what he’s doing. Patterson has to beg Ali to get out as Orndorff works over Hulk. Orndorff hits a snap suplex as Ventura says he’s the x-factor of this match being the most technically gifted of all 4 men involved…..well 6 including Snuka and Orton outside. Piper tags in and hits windup punches then a knee lift for 1…2..nope, Hogan kicks out. Piper holds Hogan as Paul tags in and hits a forearm to the back of the neck…..One of the unwritten laws of wrestling is not to hit moves on the back of the neck because you’re more prone to actual injuries, but Orndorff would ROUTINELY do this to Hogan in their matches, pissing off the Hulkster legitimately in the process. Paul covers for a near-fall before hitting a nice backbreaker before going upstairs. Orndorff goes for another forearm off the top but misses, before Hogan makes the hot tag to Mr T. T cleans house before Orndorff is able to take him down. Mr T and Orndorff go high school style as Mr T goes for a roll but Paul wizzers to make sure that doesn’t happen. Piper makes the tag then hits a front headlock on B.A. Barabus before T tags Hogan in.  Both heels interfere so Hogan hits a double noggin knocker on them then headlock punches Orndorff until Wonderful counters with a back suplex. Piper interferes but Patterson cuts him off so both Jimmy Snuka and Cowboy Bob get in the ring. Snuka hits a jumping headbutt that sends Orton over the top to the apron. Patterson is distracted by Snuka as Orndorff puts Hogan in a full nelson. Piper and Mr. T go at it as Patterson turns his attention to him as Orton goes upstairs. Orton comes off the top but Hogan moves and Ace catches Orndorff in the back of the head with the cast. Hogan covers as Snuka roughs up Orton and Patterson gets in position..1……2…..3….its overrrrrrrr!!!!  The ring becomes chaos as everyone gets in the ring before Piper knocks out Patterson, spits at Orndorff and takes off with Orton in tow. Back inside Mr T tends to Orndoff as Billy Martin announce Hogan and Mr T the winner. Orndorff springs to life as Snuka, T, Patterson and Hogan back off. The faces celebrate in the ring as Orndorff doesn’t have a clue what happened before heading to the locker-room. Hogan, Mr. T, Muhammad Ali, Pat Patterson, Snuka, Liberace and Billy Martin all pose and celebrate in the ring. Monsoon and Ventura go to the instant replay before sending it back to Mean Gene to interview the winners. Mr T says he trained hard,as Hogan shills Snuka and T before Superfly does the same thing.  Back to Monsoon and Ventura who sign off and thanks the fans for tuning in.

Time of match: 13:21
Winners: Mr T and Hulk Hogan by pinfall

From an in ring standpoint this was on par with a lot of WWF action from 1985 and historically it did great numbers on closed circuit television. WWF was taking over the country and this would be the greatest year in wrestling (until 1998) for the AWA had their second wind after losing virtually their entire roster to McMahon, the NWA was awesome with the Horsemen against Rhodes and Magnum and of course WWF’s Rock n Wrestling was a big seller. This was more of a modern day crash event with only 2 matches going over 10 minutes but that’s basically how long WWF stars could go and still be entertaining. If you’re looking for an in-ring classic ppv like Great American Bash 96 don’t bother, but if you want a drama filled time capsule of fun then definitely get your hands on this priceless classic. Seriously, whoever was old enough to remember what wrestling was like during this time period can agree that this was ground breaking. The next tape after this in terms of Coliseum Video releases is WWF’s MOST UNUSUAL MATCHES. As for this one, 4 stars out of 5 for the significance and a point off for the crash style. Some of them deserved to be longer.

Bloopers, Bleeps and Bodyslams (WF001)

WWF’s Bloopers, Bleeps and Bodyslams (WF001)

The one that started it all. Today there are nearly 700 tapes and DVD’s put out by WWF/E home video with material dating as far back as the 1960’s. Back in the 80’s VCR’s were sweeping the nation and Vince McMahon made the genius decision to capitalize on them by releasing a line of home videos, something new in wrestling. In 1985, he would release his product on both Betamax (think 8 tracks but for tapes) and VHS. The very first one was titled Bloopers, Bleeps and Bodyslams and it was more or less a compilation tape of all the silly stuff that the WWF was capable of. I am unsure of the actual release date but since most of the action is from 1984 and earlier plus the tape was released before the first Wrestlemania, I’d venture a guess to say early 1985. Before I continue, that seems pretty ballsy doesn’t it? You need to hit a home run in order for fans to continue to purchase your product, then instead of presenting blow away matches/hot feuds, you begin with TNT (Tuesday Night Titans) skits and goofy moments? Anyway let’s get to it. The tape opens with a really cool intro video that comprises of the history of coliseum wrestling (the Roman one that is) before showing highlights of modern day WWF action set to a cool brass (trumpets and trombones for non music fans reading this) theme.

Gorilla Monsoon welcomes us and shills the upcoming action. He even pokes fun at himself as they show an outtake of his opening speech plus play it backwards. Then we get a short clip where on Piper’s Pit, Roddy Piper asks to compare hands with Andre the Giant. Andre says sure and slaps him upside the head. Cut to a short clip of a 10 men tag match at the Philadelphia Spectrum where one team consists of Jimmy Snuka (in the ring), Andre, Rocky Johnson, Pedro Morales and Salvatore Bellomo against Don Muraco (in the ring), “Superstar” Billy Graham, “Playboy” Buddy Rose, Ray “Crippler” Stevens and Mr. Fuji. Snuka goes to town on Muraco before tagging in Morales, Morales floors Don with a forearm to the chest and revs up the crowd before tagging in Andre. Andre shoots Muraco in the ropes then delivers a big boot that sends Don over the top rope to the floor. Stevens and Rose come over to help him back in and once inside, Muraco locks in a headlock on the giant who gets sent off the ropes and runs into the huge posterior of Andre. Muraco sells it like he took a cannon shot to the ribs. Muraco staggers to his corner and puts his hand up, Rose refuses to tag in but Stevens reluctantly does. Even though this is a short segment, its always nice to see the original “crippler” in Stevens on a WWF tape no less. He made his name in the 70’s with the AWA as half of a great tag team with Nick Bockwinkel managed by a young Bobby Heenan. Turns out the segment ends right there,

We cut to one of my favorite segments of all-time, love advice from “Classy” Freddie Blassie on Tuesday Night Titans. Before I go any further let me explain what Tuesday Night Titans was. Most wrestling shows from that era, especially the territorial ones were one sided squash matches with an occasional main event tossed in there while hyping up some house show that was coming up that Friday or whatever. Vince thought that kind of shit put fans to sleep and decided to come up with something new. Basically he completely ripped off Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show by having himself in the Carson chair with Alfred Hays playing the role of Ed McMahon (no relation to Vince). Instead of presenting wrestling matches, the show featured WWF stars doing interviews, performing in skits and doing off the wall things not seen in wrestling before. Sure it was hokey and silly but it was also revolutionary because it added to the characters of all those involved, good or bad. As Ric Flair once said, Vince couldn’t match the NWA talent for talent so he had to match with larger than life characters such as Hulk Hogan, George “The Animal” Steele and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper. Back to the segment, Blassie admitted in his book he and Vince Jr used to ride together because they had a lot in common including love of fast cars and loud outfits. Here Vince is in a nice suit while Blassie is in his usual lavish pink suit. Vince “Freddie you’ve always been willing to help individuals with problems.” Freddie “A lot of pencil neck geeks around here have a lot of problems, I’ll guarantee you that.” The first letter comes from a woman who claims her husband pays no attention to her until after TNT is over (nice plug). Freddie “He doesn’t pay attention to her huh? Has the woman tried taking a bath? Has she used under arm deodorant? Has she shaved her armpits, her legs? Ya goofy broad that’s what ya gotta do!” Vince tries to say the problem is TNT and Freddie counters “Maybe the sheets are dirty.” Next question has a woman that complains that her husband is performing moves on her after watching WWF. Do Not Try This At Home didn’t debut for over a decade so fans had carte blanche to do what they wanted back then. Vince “His superfly Snuka leap off the top of the dresser is too much.” At this point Freddie, Vince and the cameraman all break character briefly to laugh at the hilariousness of that statement. “What about practicing holds on her, Mr. Blassie?” Freddie “Oh yeah, my second wife I used to practice strangleholds on her all the time.” Vince starts laughing for real. Freddie “Some of these broads need to be kicked around.” He spits on the floor as Vince tries to go back in babyface announcer mode “Mr Blassie please.” Freddie “Ya know I used to write a column for Hollywood News Gazette! I taught that dear Aby (he says A-Bee) and Ann Flanders! Don’t ya know anything?” Next letter Vince laughs as he reads a 60 year old woman has limited experience with men but has nice legs, a firm waist and a burning desire to date a wrestler. Vince asks Freddie if he has any suggestions on who to date buts cuts him off saying she’s 60. Freddie was no stranger to women at his advancing age so he says age doesn’t matter. Vince asks him if he has any wrestlers in mind willing to date a 60 year old and Blassie lists Sgt Slaughter, Tito Santana, Hulk Hogan and Tonga Kid. Vince scoffs saying Tonga Kid is only 18 years old and Blassie’s response “Good, he’s got a lot of life in him. It’ll be good for the old lady!” The camera man starts laughing again as the segment ends right there. I could watch those two in that capacity all day but its time to move on.

Monsoon rejoins us for a vanity segment, huh? Monsoon talks about hair loss and how it affects wrestlers. We cut to a squash match where “Iron” Mike Sharpe (with Lou Albano outside) beats on jobber Steve Grey. Sharpe grabs Grey by the hair and rams his head on the buckle which such force, Grey’s hair falls off. He was wearing a toupee inside the ring, smart huh? Sharpe throws Grey to the outside and taunts him with his own hairpiece as the segment ends there before Captain Lou has a chance to pound on the poor, bald jobber.

Next we go to a TNT segment where Freddie Blassie tries to hype up Tiger Chung Lee as a badass by having him break breaks with karate chops. Only problem is Lee can’t break anything. Vince turns his back and laughs as even Blassie tries to save face by uttering gibberish (he claimed in his book that back then managers had to at least pretend they knew the language of their wrestler) as Lee continues to struggle to break the bricks. Monsoon claims he bought the bricks himself and had them loaded with steel but the fact was Lee was exposed as a fraud on national television. No wonder he didn’t last.

Next up is Captain Lou Albano. Monsoon refers to him as the greatest walking advertisement for birth control. We go to a segment on TNT where Vince is wearing a piss-yellow suit while Lou rants and raves in his Hawaiian shirt. Lou claims he’s got an IQ of 901.73. At this point I realize if I quote everything this review will take forever so from here on I’ll quote only the funniest while giving a brief synopsis of the segments.

We go to a posedown held in what looks to be a lounge between Paul Orndorff and Tony Atlas. Vince is your MC wearing a red suit sitting at a table with Renee Goulet who is sipping a cocktail and looking bored. Atlas poses first to the Coliseum Video theme before Orndorff comes out and poses to the same theme. Both have killer physiques but Atlas gets the duke due to being a babyface. Paul protests then clobbers Atlas in the back, sending him crashing into what appears to be The Spoiler’s table. A tall guy in a mask tries to break apart Orndorff and Atlas and just for namesake I’ll call him The Spoiler. Spoiler and Vince lead Orndorff out the side door while Atlas stands there flustered.

Monsoon says life on the road can be lonely and sends us to Iron Sheik’s haram party on TNT with Vince hosting in the gray suit. Sheik stands by an actual live camel wearing his actual 1971 AAU wrestling champion medal he won in the 180 pound division as well as his turban and loud shirt. The one hilarious quote is he claims the camel is better looking than Sgt Slaughter. Alfred Hays is brought in to analyze the animal as Sheik continues to run down Slaughter. Vince makes a goof and both he and Sheik laugh at Vince’s expense before Sheik continues to rant. Vince asks Sheik what the camels name is and at first he speaks a long name in farci. Vince asks for the translation and Sheik answers “Claude”. All 3 men share a laugh which makes me laugh because Sheik’s supposed to be a heel yet everyone’s having fun here. Vince notices Alfred standing by the camel’s ass and asks if there’s any action back there. To save time I’ll skip the rest and move on.

Monsoon blows the ending of the next segment which has Freddie Blassie, Friday (the original Kim Chee) and a dancing chicken on TNT, yes of course I’m serious. Vince is wearing the beige suit as Blassie is in his blue sequined suit. The camera pans to the chicken just as it takes a shit, which adds to the hilarity. Vince notices and lets Blassie know. Kamala comes out to check out the chicken as Vince asks what’s going on. Freddie announces that the chicken will perform a disappearing act as Kamala will eat him alive, causing Vince to protest. Kamala goes after the chicken and the camera cuts away only to return to Kamala eating an obviously cooked chicken. I’m sure Vince used the camera cut to get the real chicken out of there before PETA showed up.

Monsoon cuts to an actual wrestling match for once….only its midgets. The Haiti Kid takes on Danny Carpenter in a hilarious midget match. I say it’s hilarious because back then it was legitimately funny before the antics became redundant in the following 10 years.

Ivan Putski teaches women and Vince (wearing a gray plaid overcoat and blue pants) how to polka. Vince may or may not be dancing with Linda, it kind of looks like her but I’m not sure. Either way they’re all having a merry ol time with a legitimate polka band performing in the back. The Crusher and Dick The Bruiser should be there but they’re in the AWA and couldn’t make it.

WWF champion Hulk Hogan finally makes his (and shockingly only) appearance on the August 24, 1984 edition of Tuesday Night Titans making protein shakes for Vince and Alfred to try. Vince tries it and he likes it but when “Awful” Alfred tries it, he promptly throws up. Next!

Back to TNT where it’s Captain Lou’s turn to give love advice. The first letter says her husband is from the old world and doesn’t wear deodorant, which stinks her out. Lou says that’s fine and what she has to do is mix rubbing alcohol, olive oil, witch hazel and shaving lotion then rub it on him to get rid of the stench. Lou says he doesn’t wear deodorant because he doesn’t smell then laughs at himself. Heh, couldn’t even keep a straight face on that one. If you notice a pattern developing is that nobody is taking any of this shit seriously. Heels and faces alike are laughing at themselves and even Vince is laughing along with them rather than at them. The next letter says her husband is too fat and Albano says he can’t stand fat people. Vince asks what he classifies himself as and Lou claims he’s not fat, its an optical illusion. Lou then rants about fat people which I can’t type out to give the rant true justice, have to see it to appreciate it. The next letter says her husband never takes her cowboy boots off and Lou says he’s going to give the Aerosol companies a lot of business.

Cut to Afa and Sika, former 3 time WWF tag team champions The Wild Samoans who’s cooking up quite a feast for Vince and Alfred. Alfred compares the odor of the cooking to the bubonic plague. Vince asks what’s cookin’ and the Samoans answer in their native tongue. They then bring out a huge mackerel, analyze it then put it in the cooking pot. Alfred comes over and is grossed out as they dissect a squid or something. Vince asks the Samoans to offer a sample to Alfred who reluctantly takes a bite. His facial expression says it all. Back on the set, Afa and Sika enjoy their meal as Alfred and Vince wonder what exactly they are eating. Vince orders Alfred to get the recipe for the home viewers later.

Monsoon shills the next segment as the most hilarious blooper. The famous WWF tag team championship match between “Soulman” Rocky Johnson and “Mr USA” Tony Atlas vs The Wild Samoans on November 15, 1983. Finally some wrestling. To keep this review short the blooper is the ref takes a bump which has Lou Albano interfering with a wooden chair. He goes to clock Atlas with it but Tony moves and Afa takes the chair to the head, which gets stuck on him as he falls backward. Atlas makes the cover as the ref revives and Johnson/Atlas are your new champions. Watching in a New York bar that night was an 18 year old college freshman named Mick Foley. Also watching was Rocky Johnson’s 11 year old son Dwayne. Wonder what became of Mick and Dwayne…. Anyway, we go to another TNT segment where Vince questions Lou about what went down during the tag match. Albano blames the Samoans and not himself for costing them the match, ha.

Salvatore Bellomo makes an appearance on TNT to cook pizza for Vince and Alfred. Again, Salvatore was a bonafide jobber to the heels in his WWF career but he was featured on these shows to at least attempt to get him over. This was the one thing the AWA and NWA lacked because their mid-carders were told to keep their mouths shut and do what they were told while WWF guys were told to do whatever the heck they wanted in order to get over and draw money. Anyway Bellomo, Vince and Alfred don ridiculous chefs hats as Salvatore prepares the pizza. Vince “There’s a bit of powder on your nose Alfred, not the first time I’ve seen THAT.” Holy shit that was cutting edge and this was 1984!

Now we go to former tag team champions Adrian Adonis and Dick Murdoch on a road trip for the September 25, 1984 Tuesday Night Titans. This was an interesting combination as Dick was the redneck rebel from Texas while Adonis was the New York street thug. They visit the Texas ranches first with Adonis attempting to get on a horse only to fall off. Then “Mean” Gene Okerlund joins Adonis (wearing a Nike t-shirt) and Murdoch as they walk the streets of New York City. Adrian runs into “old friends” hanging out before showing an open fire hydrant and saying that’s his old shower. A mangy red dog shows up and Adonis plays with it as Dick marvels at the city. The trio stops by a hot dog stand where lunch is on Adrian. Okerlund asks the vendor what kind of dogs they are and the vendor clearly can’t speak English. Murdoch orders a dog with mustard on it and takes a bite, he liked it apparently. He then shoves it into Adrian’s mouth who mumbles before Okerlund says time to go and he’s not picking up the tab. Cheapskate!

Monsoon then shows us a highlight package which is just the opening montage out of order with a flew other clips thrown in. Least they tried to something a little different.

Now it’s “Luscious” Johnny Valiant’s turn for love advice on TNT. The first letter says that her husband’s physique pales in comparison to WWF wrestlers and she has no idea what to do. Johnny V at first misunderstands the phrase but then says “Quit lookin over your guys shoulder. Quit lookin at the guy cutting the grass or the guy hitchhiking on the turnpike!” Next letter is from a guy who says he put a wrestling mask on his wife during playtime and it made things better. Johnny “Depending on who I was with I woulda done that myself!” The next letter is from a rich, attractive woman who has a fetish for ugly men (who the hell wrote THAT one?) and asks if any WWF superstar matches the criteria. Johnny answers Hulk Hogan and hypes up Brutus Beefcake as the ultimate ladies man. V then rattles off Tito Santana, Junkyard Dog and Sgt Slaughter as uglies and makes the comment “I heard that Slaughter wrote to the lonely hearts club and he got a letter back saying they weren’t THAT lonely”. The next letter is a guy who has a fantasy of being in a 16-20 man battle royal. Johnny asks what kind of health insurance the guy has for wanting to be in such a dangerous environment. He gets cut off as we go back to Monsoon.
Next up is Andre The Giant who cracks a joke comparing “Big” John Studd to Sky Low Low (the midget legend) and then reveals all his clothes are custom made in Japan except his boots which come from Texas. Andre then covers Alfred’s head with his hand to show how massive he is. Andre then sings The Fish Song which he picked up on his last tour in Japan. He’s got a legit reggae band as he pretends to swim like a fish.

Roddy Piper makes his appearance and he’s got Captain Lou with him on Piper’s Pit. Lou marvels at the gold record Girls Just Wanna Have Fun turned into then promises to bring Cindy Lauper on a future episode of the Pit. The scene cuts to Cindy on the set where Lou comes in and takes credit for all her success, which pisses her off. Lou tells her to shut up and says all women are slime. Piper backs up Albano and they both get in her face. Lou calls her a broad and she flips, literally, flipping over the table then attacking Lou and Piper. David Wolff himself runs out to save Cindy. The fact Lou was the one who began the Rock N Wrestling Connection cannot be overstated. For those that don’t know, Albano and Cindy Lauper just happened to be riding on the same plane together and from that, they struck up a friendship. This included Albano making a cameo in Lauper’s famous video Girls Just Wanna Have Fun as her “father”. What this led to was a WWF/MTV crossover that drew A LOT of money. Sure Hogan ruled the wrestling world in 1984 but he didn’t have the proper mainstream appeal until he appeared with the others on MTV in 1985. When MTV aired Brawl To End It All and War To Settle The Score, now WWF were pulling in casual fans as well as wrestling fans. So now with Piper established as MTV and WWF’s number one heel, the first Wrestlemania came to fruition. All this because Captain Lou just happened to be on a plane with Cindy.

Another “bodyslams” montage only they use the orchestral ending theme from the end of the early Coliseum Videos.

Up last was a legendary, lengthy segment where Paul “Butcher” Vachon’s wedding would be televised. The recently departed Maurice “Mad Dog” Vachon was an AWA legend and a certifiable mad man in the business. His younger brother Paul was equally insane and the duo ran roughshod over Canadian and American territories in the 60’s and 70’s. It should be noted that legendary women’s wrestler Luna Vachon is actually Paul’s adopted daughter, not Mad Dog’s. The segment begins with Vince interviewing a fan outside and asking what the woman looks like if she’s going to marry Butcher, the fan points to his dog which makes Vince laugh. Inside the reception is nearly every heel on the roster with Vince and Alfred hosting. I see Afa, Sika, Junior (Afa’s 19 year old son who would eventually become Headshrinker Fatu, The Sultan and Rikishi), George Steele, Fabulous Moolah, Jesse “The Body” Ventura, “Dr D” Dave Schultz, Sky Low Low, Howard Finkel, Freddie Blassie and Lou Albano all enjoying the festivities. We start with the gift opening and the first one is a box of rubber bands graciously donated by Captain Lou. The next give is a pair of glasses donated by Freddie Blassie who runs down Paul saying the ring on her finger was the same one on the first 5 wives he’s had (a lie but a hilarious one). “Why don’t ya buy her some real diamonds ya cheapskate!” Vince looks around for someone to make a toast and he settles on George “The Animal” Steele. Figures, the one guy who couldn’t talk. The heel cheers him on and after working the crowd he shouts “perpendicular!!” as Albano cheers. Vince looks disgusted as Albano grabs the mic and starts ranting and raving. Albano shills his Samoan stable then toasts “Open your teeth, open your gums, lookout stomach here it comes!” Vince goes to interview Howard but Albano comes over again “I got a girl who lives on a hill, she won’t but her sister will!” The Body wants to say a few words “The scum always rises to the top of the water.” Ooooook. Sky Low Low is next. He basically runs down Albano for talking too much and says “What the hell do you want, a toaster?” The French Canadian born Sky Low Low was one of the best midget wrestlers ever with a physique second to none. Most midgets didn’t live past 50 and he was 56 at the time of this wedding to give an idea how good a shape he was in. Albano swears at him in Italian as Low Low fires back in his French much to Sika’s delight. Blassie comes over to antagonize Low Low before things get settled. Vince goes over to “Dr. D” Dave Schultz who is bleeped out while running down everyone in the room. Guess he must have said something more suitable for the Attitude Era. Paul and his wife dance by themselves as Albano continuously burps into the microphone causing Ventura to crack up. Albano then goes over to sing a few bars before removing his shirt much to Vince’s disgust. George kisses Paul much to his dismay. Albano then threatens to moon Vince who tells the camera to cut away. Once action resumes the wife is dancing with Low Low…and pretty good too. Albano counters by dancing with Low Low’s date/gf/wife/whatever then Mad Dog gets on the dance floor with Moolah. The dancing of Albano and the midget lady causes Blassie to crack up laughing. Next, Albano and the Samoans attempt to sing before bringing Low Low to sing with them. Fatu looks to be having a blast as Albano pours what’s left of his beer can down the back of Low Low’s pants. We then cut to the dessert where the wife refuses to eat the customary first piece of cake so a grumpy Dr. D shows up and shoves a pie in her face. Albano then nails Low Low in the head with a pie as Paul laughs at the display of slapstick. A pie fight develops with Alfred getting nailed by Dr D. Schultz nails Vince himself in the face. Vince grabs a pie and nails George Steele with it. A slapstick pie fight envelops with champagne being sprayed as well. Blassie appears to have survived the pies but a sneaky Ventura dumps a can of something on him. That was something else and a lot of fun to watch.

We end the tape with two montages, one of what we just saw and the second being the customary ending orchestral theme. Before we sign off we get a previews for BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 2, ANDRE THE GIANT and MOST UNUSUAL MATCHES…..guess the first 4 tapes (including this one) were released together and those 3 were released together as well. As for this….wow. What a way to make your debut huh? As a standalone tape I thought it was entertaining. Remember this was the beginning of Vince Jr’s takeover of the wrestling world which added entertainment on top of wrestling. I’ll say this though; most of the skits were fun to watch especially with ¾ of the tape involving the heels. Not only that but Hogan only appeared briefly and he was the world champion. If you’re looking for important, blow away matches then look elsewhere. If you’re looking to have 70 minutes of fun then this one’s for you. I’ll give it 4 out of 5 stars just because it was an outrageous way to make your home video debut. A point off for the simple fact it’s a bloopers tape with little in ring action. The next tape in line is HULKAMANIA so we’ll pick up there.