Wrestling’s Country Boys (WF012)

WWF WRESTLING’S COUNTRY BOYS (WF012)

 

I’ll never understand Vince McMahon’s obsession with hillbillies over the years. From Haystacks Calhoun to The Godwinns to the modern day Wyatt Family (more Devil’s Rejects then country bumpkins but still), for some reason or another Vince always loved his wrassin’ southerners. This tape would highlight the trio of hillbillies that came to the WWF in 1985 including Hillbilly Jim, Uncle Elmer and Cousin Junior. Hillbilly Jim was the real star the company was trying to push but circumstances I’ll get into later moved him to a brief managerial role of Elmer and Junior. Where to begin…well they were babyfaces and because Jim and Elmer were well over 6’6 they were one of the few along with Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant that could stand up to King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd without getting smushed. Also, this tape was yet another unique concept. Usually profile tapes were reserved for the top stars but these guys were nowhere near the top of the card. What this represented was if you went to the WWF, no matter where you were on the card, you’d be getting tv time and exposure. Roberto Soto was a midcard star for the Fuller territory around the same time but he wasn’t highlighted in VHS tapes or given his own music video like “Exotic” Adrian Street. For Vince to highlight Jim’s gang opened the door for everyone to get exposure which in turn drew more money. Bill Eadie (Ax) said in a shoot interview everyone on the card draws money one way or another depending on how they are booked, the better they’re booked and the more money they’ll draw. So with that set, let’s start the tape. Cue the Coliseum Video opening and “Mean” Gene Okerlund is our host tonight. He shills the gang and takes us to Hillbilly Jim’s debut as a Hulk Hogan ally.

 

If I remember correctly this was December of 1984 and this will be somewhat similar to the Hogan/Okerlund training sessions only Jim’s not as useless as Mean Gene. Before we get started, I should point out Jim was no raw rookie like he was portrayed on WWF television. He was wrestling for Jerry Jarrett in Memphis under the moniker Harley Davidson before signing with WWF. He was brought in as a Hogan fan and eventually saved Hogan from a beatdown. Hulk agreed to train Jim for the ring. We begin in Hogan’s kitchen where he’s prepared a protein shake for breakfast. Jim is mad because he expected pancakes, grits and eggs. He takes a swig of the shake and nearly gags as Hogan obviously likes it.  Hogan convinces him to finish his glass and after a long protest, Jim finishes it by holding his nose. It should be noted that Hogan is wearing jeans and a tie-dye shirt instead of the spandex he wore for Okerlund’s training. Now we head to the gym for a montage of Jim being unable to do anything right. The “generic stock theme” overdubs as Jim can neither bench press, squat or row even with Hogan showing him how to do it. The recurring theme is Hogan repeatedly trying to rip Jim’s hat off his head. After about a minute of Jim’s montage where he can’t do anything right, now we’re in a ring for some wrestling training….and Jim trips just getting into it to show just how clumsy he is. Hogan is now in workout sweats, yellow boots, a blue tank while Jim has the same outfit on as always. Hogan rips Jim’s hat off and throws it aside again “Get that hat off, geez!” Jim repeatedly asks about wrestling and Hogan yells at him that we’re here to get in shape first. They start doing jumping squats and Jim can’t hang with the Hulkster at all. Hogan then does some balance pushes and Jim is totally off-balance. Hogan then asks him to simply run off the ropes and shows him how. Jim then stumbles, bumbles and trips all over the ring as Hogan tries not to laugh at him. Jim asks if they can wrestle yet and Hogan says no but hypes him up saying the more training they do, the better he’ll be. We then go to a second montage with the “generic stock theme” and Jim shows a little bit of improvement this time around but is still off-balanced. Once again Hogan continues to rip off Jim’s hat before every workout. Now we’re back in the gym and Hogan sheds his blue tanktop for a pink one as Jim is still in the same overalls (he better be washing them regularly) but they have a friend with him this time around. A.J. Petruzzi, jobber extraordinaire is here to help Jim with some wrestling holds. Hogan asks Jim to hit the ropes and Jim does it correctly but Hogan says he’s still not ready to wrestle. Hogan says its time to learn some wrestling holds. Hogan “Just because you beat a bear in a circus, how are you going to beat a wrestler?” Jim says “Like this” and he puts poor AJ in a bearhug. Hogan pries Jim off of AJ and he crumples to the mat. Jim is apologetic but Hogan says he’s not in shape and not ready to wrestle. Hogan says he’ll get him a match anyway and we go to Jim’s debut.

 

 

Match 1

 

Hillbilly Jim (with Hulk Hogan) vs Terry Gibbs

 

Commentators: Vince McMahon and Bruno Sammartino

 

   We’re joined in progress for Hillbilly Jim’s debut match in December of 1984, a few weeks after the training vignettes started. Jobber extraordinaire Terry Gibbs will be the sacrificial lamb for Jim today. Gibbs has him in a front facelock but Jim picks him up off the ground and sits him on the top turnbuckle. Jim backs off and Gibbs looks around confused. Gibbs runs off the ropes but runs into a shoulderblock. Gibbs tries it again and gets dropped. A third attempt is met with a scoop slam by Hillbilly. Gibbs rakes the eyes then pounds away with right hands, chops and forearm shots. Vince shills Gibbs saying he’s a veteran of the ring and veterans know how to handle adversity. Gibbs lands a running forearm to the back, a boot and a forearm but can’t slam him. Jim then slams Gibbs with one arm and catches Gibbs with a bearhug. Gibbs quickly submits and Jim wins it. Hogan runs into to celebrate with Jim and the crowd pops. Bad match but the purpose was to draw interest in the Jim character and having him win his first match with Hogan by his side establishes him as a future prospect.

 

 

Time of match: Joined in progress

 

Winner: Hillbilly Jim by submission

 

 

We now go to a third montage with the “generic stock theme” and Hogan is still obsessed with Jim’s hat. Now Jim is bench pressing, squatting and rowing perfectly fine. Back to the training ring, Hogan is wearing his yellow tanktop and he and Jim are tying up. Hogan brings in AJ to show Jim the many ways to escape a hammerlock. Hogan does a go behind, a single leg takedown, a drop toe  hold and a snap mare. When AJ puts a hammerlock on Jim, he can’t escape until he uses pure power to get out of AJ’s grip. Hogan says he’s one of a kind and he’s got a present for Jim. He has a pair of black boots and says these were the boots he wore for 6 months before he won the WWF championship. Complete hogwash but Jim’s got his first pair of boots. Jim’s reaction to the boots is a big cartwheel and putting Hogan in a bearhug, damn near killing the Hulkster. On to the next match.

 

 

Match 2

 

Rene Goulet vs Hillbilly Jim

 

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Gene Okerlund

 

 This was from the undercard of War to Settle the Score on February 18, 1985. Even though the live MTV broadcast only showed Hogan vs Piper, the MSG fans got to see a full show. Jim makes his entrance and is awestruck by the crowd, really playing up his character. He walks around the ring waving at the fans until Howard Finkel tells him to get in the ring (haha). Jim gets in and we’re shown some of the dignitaries in the crowd here for Hogan vs Piper such as Andy Warhol, Danny Devito and Joe Piscopo. Oh, you don’t know who Joe Piscopo is? He and Eddie Murphy almost literally saved Saturday Night Live in 1980 when the original, hall of fame cast left and a whole new crew had to be hired. Without those two the show may have been cancelled, robbing us of those wonderful years of Adam Sander, Chris Farley and David Spade years later. Anyway back to the match, the camera shows Jim wearing the boots the Hulkster gave him. Jim sheds is jean jacket as the bell rings. Goulet shows off his studded glove and Jim taunts him with a handkerchief. The ref makes Jim take his hat off (everyone’s against the hat this tape). Goulet sheds the glove and his ring jacket and FINALLY we get underway. Jim goes for a handshake but Goulet blows him off. Jim then chases Goulet over the top rope and out of the ring. Gene “Hillbilly Jim, instant charisma!” Whatever you say Gene. They tie up and Jim heaves him halfway across the ring. Goulet gets in a side headlock and Jim can’t counter, showing his inexperience. Finally Jim sends him off the ropes and drops him with a shoulderblock. Jim poses for the crowd as Monsoon approves. Jim applies a sideheadock and Goulet tries to whip him but can’t. Jim rings the headlock and Goulet tries to whip him but again almost bulldogs himself. Goulet grabs the hair so Jim punches him, then applies it again. Goulet the veteran makes it to the ropes so Jim must break….not so fast, Jim pulls him away from the ropes and the ref lets it go. Goulet tries to bail over the top rope but gets his feet caught the top rope. The ref demands Jim release the hold and Jim complies…causing Rene to crash fact first on the mat. Jim cartwheels to Okerlund’s delight as Goulet reaches into his tights. He balls his hand into a fist then nails Jim with it. Goulet pounces on Jim in the corner and chokes him across it. Rene mounts the second rope and pounds away on the big guy. Goulet bites him in the face and the side then poses for the irate crowd. Gene says he’s opened up a can of worms and Jim stalks Goulet. Jim rallies with a boot and forearms to the back before finishing with a headbutt that sends Goulet crashing on the top rope. Jim headbutts him again then whips him into the corner where he Flair flips over and runs up to the top rope on the other side of the ring. Rene leaps…right into a bearhug from Jim. Goulet gives up and Jim’s your winner. Jim gets a decent pop from the crowd as we go to the instant replay. Fink announces Jim the victor and Goulet starts mouthing off to the fans. Rene continues to mouth off and its revealed his target is MR T! T chases Goulet away and we cut here. This may seem like a bad match but everything was done with a purpose. The story was Jim was a rookie in the ring with a crafty veteran and had to use his size and strength to his advantage. The headlocks, the “foreign object”, the failed whip attempts…every spot meant something and caused a reaction from the crowd. Just because two Ring of Honor “workers” can execute triple sommersaults into a frankensteiner one after another doesn’t mean the crowd will react when no selling is involved. Tell a story and the fans will take notice.

 

Time of match: 7:27

 

Winner: Hillbilly Jim by submission

 

 

This was supposed to be the start of a big push for Hillbilly, but it came to a crashing halt a few days later in San Diego when Jim was ringside for a Hogan match against Brutus Beefcake. Jim was chasing Brutus around the floor when Jim tripped and fell, shattering his leg. With modern day surgery and rehab, he would have been out for a month or two but in 1985 he was gone for at least 6 months. In the meantime he had nothing to do so creative had him become a manager. Hogan didn’t need a manager and nobody else would have connected with a country bumpkin, so now what? Have no fear as plan was in motion to bring in MORE HILLBILLIES! Yayyyyy!  We’re now treated to a June 1985 episode of The Body Shop…what’s THAT you ask? Well for some reason Vince thought Tuesday Night Titans and Piper’s Pit weren’t enough for talk shows so they gave Jesse Ventura his own show. A few weight benches, a white wall with pictures of Ventura and Jesse himself was essentially the set. It made sense for someone who can cut a good promo like Jesse to get his own show but they already had one heel show with Piper, why did they need another? Then again it was always like that, 10 years later Jerry Lawler had The King’s Court while Shawn Michaels had Heartbreak Hotel. Anyway Jesse brings out Hillbilly Jim who’s not on crutches but wearing a walking cast. Jesse asks who hurt him and Jim answers Brutus Beefcake and Johnny Valiant. Jesse replies that they’re friends of his. Jim thanks the fans and says he’s going to come back. He requests to bring out his uncle Elmer from Philadelphia, Mississippi and Ventura scoffs. Now Jim is taller than Jesse but when Elmer comes out, he towers over Jesse. Ventura turns around and steps back with a “holy shit” look on his face. Uncle Elmer was actually 47 year old ring veteran Stan Frazier who had been working the territories since the early 70’s. He was most popular in Memphis where he had 20 different gimmicks such as The Giant Rebel, The Convict (Nailz pretty much was a ripoff of this) and Kamala 2 which was basically Stan doing the Kamala gimmick despite being white instead of black. Elmer has on overalls that go knee-high, a white t-shirt and a ridiculous hat. Jesse stutters and says “YOU’RE uncle Elmer?” Elmer “Dat’s right I’m Uncle Elmer!” Jesse turns to Jim “He’s a pretty big boy.” Turns to Elmer “I bet you like to eat doncha.” Elmer “I eat a lot!” Jesse “Do you wrestle?” Elmer “I scuffle! You know what scuffling is boy?” Ventura “No.” Elmer “Its what you call rasslin!”  ….and we cut there. Overall the segment was supposed to accomplish two things, bring us up to date on the whereabouts of Hillbilly Jim and debut Uncle Elmer. It did….people complain that this segment but honestly, shut up.

 

Now we’re getting somewhere as we go back to June 17, 1985’s Piper’s Pit with Piper and Cowboy Bob Orton in tow. Piper asks the crowd if they missed him and is met with a chorus of boos. Piper claims he was on vacation and that he wants to talk to Hillbilly Jim, who gets a huge pop when he makes his appearance. Piper actually kicks the cast on the leg of Jim and asks why he’s not man enough to take it off and wrestle. Jim says he’s going to take care of things and he wants Piper to meet someone. Piper grabs the corncob pipe of Jim and says he’s a blithering idiot. Jim grabs the pipe back and reiterates that he wants Piper to meet someone. Orton inches his way over to Jim as Piper says he doesn’t want to meet anyone. Jim realizes he’s being cornered by Orton and Piper and shouts for Uncle Elmer. After a few seconds Elmer walks out only this time he’s wearing a navy blue shirt under his overalls. Orton backs up a bit and looks him up and down as Piper has an “oh shit” look on his face.  Piper “Welllll any friend of yours is a friend of mine” and he pats the guy on the shoulder. Elmer “Get yo hands off of me boy!” Piper rings the cowbell hanging on Elmer’s neck and asks if he’s been milked today. Unfortunately we cut right then and there before the confrontation. Eventually Piper and Orton would wrestle the Country Boys but not today. Now we go to an Uncle Elmer match.

 

 

Match 3

 

Tiger Chung Lee vs Uncle Elmer

 

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Gene Okerlund

 

  July 20, 1985 at the Capital Centre in Landover, MD saw Elmer take on the man who can’t break bricks. Both are wearing their standard gear. Elmer makes his entrance with overdubbed banjo music and he shakes the hands of everyone at ringside until Chung Lee reaches over with his kendo stick and knocks the hat off Elmer’s head. Haha, that was legitimately funny. Elmer makes his way into the ring but Lee clobbers him with the stick as he enters. Lee punches and kicks Elmer who barely sells anything. Lee stomps him in the corner then chops him in the chest. Elmer lands an overhand right and Lee backs off. Elmer waves his arm around and Lee bails to the outside. Lee climbs back in only to be chased out by Elmer again. Elmer takes Lee to the mat with a headlock takedown but Lee pops up first and kicks at Elmer. Even Monsoon makes fun of him for lack of agility. Lee applies a nervehold but Elmer rallies with 2 right hands. Elmer whips Lee into the corner then back to the original corner. Lee staggers into a backdrop. Elmer does the worst looking legdrop I’ve ever seen. Hulk Hogan 5 years from NOW if he’s still alive could probably do a better one. All Elmer did was drape his leg across Lee’s chest and fall on his ass. Elmer gets a sloppy cover for 1….2…3 and its over. Its fairly obvious Elmer was too old and too slow to put on a decent match so they were kept short and sweet. The ref raises Elmer’s arm in victory and we get more overdubbed banjo music as Elmer goes over to say something to Monsoon and Okerlund before resuming shaking hands with the fans. What a fan favorite!

 

Time of match: 2:23

Winner: Uncle Elmer by pinfall

 

 

We segue right into the next match

 

 

Match 4

 

Uncle Elmer (with Hillbilly Jim) vs Big John Studd (with Bobby Heenan)

 

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Alfred Hays

 

   Now for some real competition. Every match so far has been squash or one sided but now Elmer’s in there with one of the top heels in Studd. August 10, 1985 in Madison Square Garden was the scene for this “beauty” as Monsoon calls it. Jim and Elmer make their entrance to more overdubbed banjo music. Elmer jostles Howard Finkel then shakes his hand. Elmer and Jim wave and shake hands ringside as Monsoon says Jim will be back real soon. Elmer makes his way into the ring and Studd PEARL HARBORS him. Studd stumps on the fallen Elmer as some yahoo keeps ringing a cowbell. Studd continues to stomp away before taunting the crowd. Jim tries to rev up the crowd and its HIM that keeps ringing the bell. MORE COWBELL! Studd drags Elmer to his knees and delivers some forearms to the back. Studd backs Elmer into the corner with forearms before Elmer rallies with roundhouse rights. Studd staggers into the corner and Elmer avalanches him. Elmer calls for another one, whips him to the other corner and avalanches him again (this would later be used on the future opening Coliseum Video montage). Elmer motions that he’s going to slam Studd and goes for it…only for Heenan to run in and nail Elmer for the DQ. Heenan and Studd pound on Elmer as Jim gets in behind them. Jim grabs Heenan by the throat but turns his back on Studd who waffles him from behind. Heenan and Studd pound on Jim but now its Elmer’s turn to make the save. Elmer nails Studd in the back with a forearm then chokes Heenan in the corner. Jim rallies with right hands on Studd then headbutts him twice. Elmer clears out Heenan with a right hand as Jim and Elmer shakes hands in the ring. The country boys chase Studd and Heenan and finally the bell rings. The ref raises Elmer’s arm in victory as Heenan holds Studd back from getting back in. Fink gets on the mic and announces Elmer the winner by DQ. Jim and Elmer celebrate in the ring as we get more overdubbed banjo music. Jim and Elmer dance like idiots in the ring and we finally cut. Same as the previous match, short and sweet but still highlights a glaring hole. Fans wanted to see Jim and we had Elmer stinking up the ring for 2-3 minutes.

 

 

Time of match: 3:32

 

Winner: Uncle Elmer by DQ

 

 

  Now we go to TNT for a family BBQ with Jim and Elmer. Jim sings a country song (not that bad actually) with Elmer and plays an acoustic guitar as well. Elmer is wearing a red undershirt this time.  Seriously its not that bad compared to Lou Albano’s warbling on the Wrestling Album, Stephanie McMahon singing Wind Beneath Our Ring and Steve Austin singing I am the Champion. ROH marks may complain but TNT was supposed to be for shit like this so what the hell do you want? We cut to Vince looking as “country” as he could get sitting at a picnic table next to Alfred who actually looks like a real cowboy with Jim and Elmer on the other side of it. Vince asks what we got here and Elmer answers cornbread, mustard and his favorite….bbq possum. Alfred reaches for some and Elmer slaps his hand away. Elmer says you’re supposed to ask first, it’s the “countrified away to do it.” Elmer “If you ain’t countrified then you ain’t nothin.” Jim tells everyone to take their hats off to say grace. “Good food, good meat, thank you Lord cause we gonna eat.” Vince laughs and its chowed time. Alfred asks for a tomato, which he pronounces to-mot-to. Jim “Who?” Elmer “We don’t have no tacos.”  Jim makes Alfred a possum burger and says “Mr McMahon I’m gonna make you one too.”  Alfred asks for some hot tea and Elmer says “We don’t got hot tea, we got cold tea and buttermilk.” He pours Alfred a glass of milk and he refuses to drink it as Jim hands Vince a burger of his own. Jim proposes a toast and they clink their glasses together. Alfred takes a sip of milk and gags. “That is sour milk!” Elmer “That’s not sour milk that’s buttermilk!” Jim takes a huge bite of possum burger as Elmer says the trick with buttermilk it to put bits and pieces of cornbread in it. Alfred “That is disgusting!” Elmer mixes the bread and milk together and Jim makes Alfred eat a burger. Alfred finally takes a bite…of the tomato hanging from it. Elmer “I’d like to have you down to my pig pen, you’d make my hogs cry!” We cut here before Vince tries any of the culinary efforts. I’ll pretend I didn’t see that…..moving on.

 

 

Match 5

 

Cousin Junior (with Hillbilly Jim and Cousin Junior) vs Ron Shaw

 

Commentators:  Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura

 

   Jim was out with an injury and Elmer was an immobile old timer so Vince decided to add a THIRD member to the team. Unfortunately rather than bring in a workhorse and give him the hillbilly gimmick, they brought in 25 year old Lanny Kean (who had broke into the business in Kentucky 2 years prior) to play pretty much the same role as Elmer. Junior makes his Coliseum Video debut here and the match itself is from August 20, 1985. He’s the shortest of the three hillbillies. He’s dressed as Hillbilly Jim though, overalls with no shirt underneath. Junior brings a paper bag and a horseshoe wrapped on a chain into the ring. He taunts Shaw with the horseshoe and makes Elmer take a whiff of whatever’s in the bag. Elmer turns away disgusted so I can only assume Cousin Junior brought horse shit to the ring…..wow. The bell rings and Junior shakes hands with Elmer and Jim before they exit as Vince hypes up Elmer’s upcoming wedding. Oh that will be covered shortly I’m afraid. Jesse “My God who would marry HIM?” Vince “Elmer…well he’s a handsome man” Jesse cracks up “Is he marrying a sow?” Junior starts spazzing in the ring and Shaw bails to the ring apron. Vince says she’s actually a very attractive young lady and they’ll be married within the month. Back inside Junior spazzes again as Jesse says he hopes he doesn’t have to be a part of the wedding. Ventura points out Junior’s not wearing boots. Indeed, he’s wearing just socks. Shaw locks in a headlock but Junior whips him off and delivers a pathetic looking clothesline. Junior then gets on his hands and knees then mule kicks Shaw….wow. Junior makes the cover 1…2…3 and that’s it.  You call that wrestling? I call that craptastic. I feel bad for Ron Shaw for having to sell for him and the fans that had to see that. Shaw pounds the mat in frustration as Fink announces Junior the winner. Junior brings the bag of horse shit in the ring and he and the hillbillies dance to that overdubbed banjo theme again. Once again I’ll pretend I didn’t see that.

 

 

Time of match: 1:20

 

Winner: Cousin Junior by pinfall

 

 

 We segue right into the next match

 

 

Match 6

 

Adrian Adonis vs Cousin Junior (with Hillbilly Jim)

 

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Alfred Hays

 

  The only reason I’m not ready to puke in a barrel at the sight of another Junior match is he’s got Adrian Adonis with him, one of the best bump takers in the business. The date is September 14, 1985 and we’re at the Capital Centre in Landover, MD again. Monsoon mentions Adonis has put on 20-25 pounds in the last few months (which led to his most famous gimmick) but is still a dangerous ring veteran. Monsoon calls Adonis’ new finisher the reverse piledriver…which it was just a double arm ddt (which Jake Roberts hadn’t perfected yet).  Jim rings that incessant cowbell again which causes the referee to tell him to shut up so the real bell could ring. Adonis runs right into an armdrag and already this match is 100 times better than the previous one move into it. Monsoon says the ref should be a violinist as Adonis runs into two more armdrags as Adrian protests. The crowd chants “You fat pig” and Adonis gives the “kiss my ass” sign. Adonis backs Junior in the corner and delivers a series of knees to the midsection.  A left elbow dazes Junior but he reverse whips Adrian out of the corner and into a backdrop. Junior scoop slams Adrian twice then takes him over with another arm drag.  Adonis bails…right into Hillbilly Jim so Adrian staggers backwards away. Jim winds up his cowbell as Adonis trashes the crowd. Junior consorts with Jim as Adonis taunts the crowd after being serenaded with another “you fat pig” chant. Junior goes to consort with Jim again but Adonis sprints across the ring and nails him with an axehandle to the back. Let’s see a “fat pig” run like that! Adonis kicks Junior in the gut then in the chest. Adonis methodically stalks Junior then kicks him in the chest again. Adonis drops an elbow to the sternum then taunts the crowd again. The crowd chants again and Adonis pretends not to hear it before dropping another elbow. Adonis covers and Monsoon mistakes Junior for Uncle Elmer for 1……2…no.  Adonis snap suplexes Junior and covers for another 2 count. Adonis rakes Junior’s face with his boot then jumps on him ass first on the second rope. Adrian taunts the crowd again as Jim rings the bell again. Adonis drops Junior with a big left hand and chokes him on the second rope in front of Hillbilly. Adonis goes for another ass drop but Jim pushes Junior out of the way and Adonis crashes into the second rope. Junior rallies with side kicks but Adonis rallies with his own offense. Adonis ties Junior up in the top rope Andre style and chokes him until the ref calls for the bell. Adonis apparently didn’t hear the ref count to 5 with the cowbell constantly ringing so good work by Hillbilly. Adonis pounds on the defenseless Junior until Jim gets in the ring and waffles Adonis with the cowbell….that’s a better way to use it. Adonis bails to the back as Mel Phillips announces Junior the victor. Now that was more like it! As pathetic as it sounds, this was the best match on the tape. Had slightly better action than Goulet/Jim from earlier. Again, it was mostly Adonis but Junior kept up nicely.

 

 

Time of match: Joined in progress

 

Winner: Cousin Junior by DQ

 

We segue right into the next match.

 

 

 

Match 7

 

Moondog Spot vs Cousin Junior (with Hillbilly Jim)

 

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse Ventura

 

   Oh wow, not many fans would know this but Junior would eventually become a Moondog himself. He wrestled as Moondog Cujo in the USWA.  As for now, we’re in trouble as Spot and Junior wrestle almost the same style. The fashion expert Ventura says its obvious neither of the participants spent any kind of money on their ring attire. Junior with the overalls and Spot with the jean shorts. We’re back at the Cap Centre only this pre-dated the Adonis match by a month, August 17, 1985. Why couldn’t they go in chronological order? Junior has the horseshoe around his neck and Spot has the dog bone in his hand. Referee Dave Hebner has trouble getting Jim out of the ring as we start the match. Junior puts the shoe into the bag of crap and we’re taking forever to start here. Junior spazzes in the ring but Spot being as insane doesn’t bail like Ron Shaw did. Junior stalks Spot then consorts with Hillbilly. They stare at each other insanely before Junior spazzes and Spot finally bails. We’re two minutes in and we haven’t seen one hold yet. Back inside Junior spazzes again as Monsoon notes that nothing is happening until Spot finally gets a headlock in. Junior whips Spot off and a shoulderblock goes nowhere. Junior goes for a bearhug but Spot makes it to the ropes. Spot taunts the crowd but they’re asleep. Junior turns his back and Spot goes to attack but Junior back kicks him. BRILLIANT! Spot begs off but Junior drops him with a double knee lift. Monsoon mentions Spot is the only Moondog left as Rex and King have departed. That may not be entirely true as Rex later resurfaced as the original Smash of Demolition.  We get a TAPE EDIT as Junior gets in another back kick and Spot begs off. Junior kicks at Spot in the corner then wipes his forehead with the handkerchief he’s had in his back pocket. Junior kicks at Spot again and Spot just flops down. Junior delivers a big splash then covers for 1….2.nope, Spot kicks out. Spot begs off again as Junior greets him with a big right hand. Spot windmills down and Junior covers for 1..2..nope. Spot executes an inverted atomic drop but stupidly goes after Jim on the floor. Jim taunts him and Junior gets in mule kick position. Unfortunately the idiot cameraman misses the kick completely as its fixated on the crowd. The camera pans back in the ring as Junior covers for 1….2….3 to win the match. Jim and Junior celebrate as Spot grabs his bone. Unfortunately we cut here just as some extracurricular activity was about to commense. Another match I’m going to pretend I didn’t see. Just as I thought, two similar styles that didn’t mesh well.

 

 

Time of match: An edited 5:58

Winner: Cousin Junior by pinfall

 

 

Rolling right along to the final match of the tape.

 

 

Match 8

 

Uncle Elmer and Cousin Junior (with Hillbilly Jim) vs Barry O and Jerry Adams

 

Commentators: Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura

 

   This was briefly highlighted on WRESTLING’S AMAZING MANAGERS but we get the full match this time. September 10, 1985 saw Bob Orton’s brother and jobber Jerry take on Jim’s crew. Barry O is in the long blue tights, while Jerry has lighter blue tights only with a white stripe. Jim leads his crew out to the same damn overdubbed banjo theme and unfortunately for us, Elmer is not wearing his white undershirt so you can see his underwear clearly. The Hillbillies dance in the ring as even the ref looks disgusted. The bell rings as Jim tells Barry to get lost.  As mentioned, Vince hypes up the upcoming Manager of the Year award ceremony which was previously covered so no need to get into that again. Junior grosses Elmer out with the bag of shit again but Jim quickly grabs it and makes his exit. Elmer starts out with Barry and Elmer throws him into the ropes. Barry tries a top wristlock as Jesse claims the only people that will vote for Jim will mark x because they can’t spell his name. Elmer tosses Barry into his corner but Orton is undaunted. Jesse makes fun of the hillbillies for their wardrobe again as Elmer backdrops Orton into the center of the ring. Junior tags in and works the top wristlock until dropping Orton with a shoulderblock. Junior goes for another one but Orton catches him with a side backbreaker, Adams tags in who catches him with forearms to the face before he’s back kicked by Junior. Orton protests and Junior kicks him too. Junior whips Adams into a belly bump by Elmer which causes Jerry to fall like a dead deer. Junior  hits the Aftershock 4 years before it was called that for 1…2…3 and its over.  Ventura says he has to give credit for that was better teamwork than he expected out of them. The team put their hats on and celebrate in the ring before we cut. Another damn jobber match and its nice to see the forgotten Orton in the ring. Ever wonder why Orton never got the spotlight his brother or his nephew did? He was the one who blew the whistle on the Terry Garvin and Pat Patterson sex-capades with ringboys, but that’s a story for another day. As for this match, pfft!

 

 

Time of match: 2:27

 

Winners: The Country Boys by pinfall

 

 

We now go to the most famous segment in the hillbillies history. We go to the October 3, 1985 episode of Saturday Night’s Main Event for Uncle Elmer’s Wedding. The ironic part is this was an actual, honest to goodness wedding. The New Jersey State Athletic Commission prohibited a phony wedding so this had to be for real. Luckily Elmer’s wife was gracious enough for this to be turned into a spectacle. Elmer’s wearing his ring gear only his hat has buttons in it and he’s got a candy cane colored tie on. Good grief, at least Butcher Vachon wore a tux in his wedding covered in BLOOPERS, BLEEPS AND BODYSLAMS. Actually, unlike at Butcher’s wedding, Captain Lou Albano is wearing a nice tux in this one. Okerlund is playing the organ as Jesse Ventura calls him the phantom of the opera. By the way, Jesse was on fire during this whole segment. This will be clipped for this tape’s purposes but down the line, the whole segment will be covered and you’re gonna love Ventura’s commentary. The bride (Joyce) makes her way to the ring and she’s not ugly at all. Vince “She’s beautiful” Jesse “Bah, she’s beautiful huh? Let me tell ya something, Mean Gene plays like the phantom of the opera too, you hear the bad notes in there?” Vince says Elmer must be nervous and Jesse retorts that Joyce should be nervous. “Can you imagine this lady is going to spend the rest of her life with this guy. Can you imagine McMahon, waking up in the morning after a hard day’s work and THAT’S laying across from you?” The camera shows Andre and Hogan as the ring guards, at least Hogan has a dress shirt and jeans on as Andre’s in his red ring trunks. Both Junior and Jim are wearing the same candy cane colored ties Elmer has on. The camera pans to the flower girls and Vince says that’s nice. We get the TAPE EDIT right to Roddy Piper’s protest. That’s right, after the vows were made, Piper made a grand entrance to heckle the proceedings. Piper says there’s no room for romance in wrestling (which gets a decent pop from the likely bored crowd) and he objects. Piper says there’s no room for a pig farmer to marry anything during a wrestling match. Damn, stop being logical Piper, the crowd’s cheering you! Piper “I say you stink! (Points to Elmer) You stink! (points to Hogan) and the whole damn wedding stinks!” Hogan steps through the ropes and Piper bails as the minister tries to calm the crowd down. The minister says you may kiss the spouse as Vince says “Alright!”. Elmer kisses Joyce as Ventura says its like two carp in the Mississippi River going after the same piece of corn. Jim gives Joyce a hug and Vince tries to end the segment only he’s interrupted by Ventura “Where’s the slop bucket, I’m getting sick.”  We cut here and it’s a shame this was edited because Ventura had some more one liners in it. What did this lead to? It led to the Country Boys taking offense to Ventura’s comments which led to Jesse getting back in the ring. Wish they would have shown the 6 man tag match between the hillbillies and Piper, Orton and Ventura but oh well.

 

That’s it for this tape as the credits roll. Afterwards, Mean Gene shills the previews for BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 5, THE LIFE AND TIMES OF CAPTAIN LOUIS ALBANO and TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS. As for this tape, you have my condolences for having to sit through all that. Coliseum Video’s first (and not the last) stinkeroo couldn’t really be helped. It was an interesting concept to highlight the mid-carders but unfortunately their choice was pretty bad. Jim by himself was tolerable but Elmer was at the end of the line and Junior just did not fit at all. They tried to make a Freebirds like stable with Jim being the star, Elmer being the muscle and Junior being the workhorse but that failed miserably. This tape was supposed to highlight the Country Boys but in essence it was the beginning of the end. Junior was let go shortly after this tape was released and there are a bunch of different reasons why. Elmer hung on a bit, appearing at Wrestlemania 2 in April of 1986 but was eventually gone. Jim was due for a big push but breaking his leg put the kibosh on that. By the time Jim returned, Randy Savage and Ricky Steamboat would become the two best workers the company plus the Stampede boys (Harts and Bulldogs) would take over the tag team division. The bloom was off the rose and Jim settled into a midcard role for the next 3 years. As for this tape, it belongs in Cousin Junior’s bag of crap to be honest. None of the matches were any good with some bordering on awful and the best segment was dramatically clipped. Still, the purpose was to put over new talent and it did just that, just didn’t go as planned. The next tape after this is BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 4 so we’ll pick up there. As for this…..1 star out of 5 and don’t pick it up unless you’re a hillbilly or trying to complete a collection.