Wrestlemania 1 (WF004)

WRESTLEMANIA 1 (WF004)

After BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 1 came the first WRESTLEMANIA. There’s a lot of backstory that went into the making of it and I’ll try to do the best I can to piece it all together. It started when Vince McMahon Jr purchased Georgia Championship Wrestling from Jim Barnett in May of 1984. GCW had been broadcast on Ted Turner owned TBS “The Superstation” for a decade and it featured classic NWA wrestling. In what would later be called “Black Saturday”, on July 14, 1984 Vince McMahon appeared on Georgia Championship and switched the programming from NWA wrestling to re-runs of WWF matches. The predominantly southern fans revolted as the difference in product between the NWA and WWF was severe. Instead of classic wrestling they got cartoon wrestling. The ratings hit the toilet almost immediately and Turner was pissed. To get back at Vince, Ted allowed a half hour timeslot for Ole Anderson’s Championship Wrestling From Georgia featuring anyone that refused to go to the WWF when first bought (among those were Jake Roberts, Gordon Solie and Ted Dibiase). Vince was pissed and felt that only he should be allowed on the Superstation. Turner told him to improve the ratings or get lost. Vince then sold his timeslot to Jim Crockett Promotions for a huge chunk of cash. What did he do with that cash? That’s the second part of the story. While all this was going on, in his own company, Hulkamania was running wild. Hulk Hogan was a huge ratings draw wherever he was booked and was starting to get national attention. Something was missing though, Vince knew if he wanted to hit the big time, he needed to be in the mainstream. That’s when a lucky plane ride changed the course of wrestling history. Captain Lou Albano just happened to be on the same plane as rock star Cindy Lauper and the two struck up a friendship. Cindy then asked Lou to play the role of her father on her world famous video “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”. Soon after Cindy began popping up at WWF events which led to MTV taking notice. In what would become the “Rock N Wrestling Connection” 9 days after Vince started airing his crap on GCW, MTV aired “Brawl To End It All” which launched WWF into the national spotlight. This was followed up by “War To Settle The Score” which featured Hulk Hogan taking on top heel “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (who was stolen from the NWA a year prior). Now with the mainstream attention and a huge chunk of change from the GCW sale, Vince needed a home run show. Supercards were nothing new, Starrcade 83 had been the most successful for the NWA. Vince knew he needed something bigger. Something that would revolutionize the wrestling business and how supercards should be run. TV tough guy Mr. T had befriended Hulk Hogan and Vince decided to run a supercard featuring a tag match featuring his top heels (Piper and Paul Orndorff) and Hogan/T. He had the venue set for Madison Square Garden and he had the finance, he just needed a name. Howard Finkel…yes, The Fink himself suggested “Wrestlemania” and Vince ran with it. Shown on closed-circuit television, Wrestlemania 1, the first of what would become the pinnacle of wrestling events was held on March 31, 1985 and it featured the biggest showdown of the year with television superstar Mr T along with WWF Champion Hulk Hogan taking on the biggest heel in not only the WWF but in wrestling as well “Rowdy” Roddy Piper and “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff. I’m not kidding about the heel line, even though Flair was a heel as a part of The Horsemen he was loved in his role and over in the AWA did anyone give a damn about Stan Hansen? Piper was definately the number 1 heel in wrestling at this point so to see him get his possible comeuppance from the Hulkster was something everyone wanted to see.  Also included was the famous 15,000 dollar slam match where if Andre slammed Big John Studd he’d win 15 grand but if Studd won Andre would retire. Plus we get a tag team title match between the original Un-Americans Nikolai Volkoff and Iron Sheik against the US Express Barry Whindam and Mike Rotundo. This event started it all so let’s get right down to it. Vince McMahon’s voice appears and runs down the card before we get sent to Monsoon, Ventura and Gene Okerlund who sings the national anthem (ugh).

MARCH 31, 1985

MADISON SQUARE GARDEN

NEW YORK, NY

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura
Match 1

Tito Santana vs The Executioner

You know…..I think its really dumb they had to hide “Playboy” Buddy Rose (The Executioner) like this, but since this was a one time appearance I guess it was justified. I still get a kick how Mean Gene Okerlund would interview both participants in the matches mere seconds after the other departed the screen…and this was back when kayfabe was still a big deal. Executioner (who clearly looks and sounds like Buddy Rose) says he’s gonna go after Santana’s leg while Tito says he’s gonna win….arriba! Bells gone and they run the ropes adjacent from each other before Santana hits a backdrop and a dropkick on The Executioner who falls through the ropes to the outside. Ventura “Woodstock was to rock n roll what Wrestlemania is to wrestling” well put. Back inside Santana hits a headlock who walks up the rope and turns it into a headlock takeover. Executioner and Santana trade blows before Executioner takes over in the corner and hits a knee to the solar plexus. Executioner goes for a figure four but Santana blocks it, then he goes for a step over toe wrench which Santana counters into a cradle for a near fall. Santana fires away in the corner and goes for a piledriver, but Executioner counters with a back drop. He hits a bodyslam and goes upstairs but Santana catches him with a slam off the top. Santana goes for a big splash but Executioner gets the knees up just in time, then he works over the left leg on the second rope before Tito kicks him over the top rope into the time-keeper’s table. Tito hits a power slam from the apron to the ring and hits the flying forearm out of nowhere. Tito drags him to the center of the ring and locks in the figure four as Executioner submits quickly though the time keeper’s asleep and takes forever to ring the bell. Howard Finkel gets in the ring with the official word as Santana takes the first match in Wrestlemania history.

Time of Match: 4:40

Winner: Tito Santana by submission
Alfred Hays in the aisle way shills the upcoming Bundy/Jones showdown who sends it to Okerlund who interviews Jones first. SD “I’m gonna get down with the biggest man in town” and 5 seconds after Jones leaves in walks Bundy and Hart…..like I said earlier, this was back when kayfabe was a real big deal so we’re supposed to believe Bundy let him stand there and say all this stuff? Bundy says he’s gonna avalanche the poor guy and get the 5 count. Back to ringside….

Match 2

King Kong Bundy (with Jimmy Hart) vs SD Jones

SD Jones was your basic mid-card face at the time while Bundy was a rising monster heel, fresh from being a member of the Legion of Doom in the NWA. Jones runs into Bundy at the bell and Kong catches him in a bearhug then rams him into the corner. Jones crumples to the floor then gets up as Bundy hits the avalanche followed by the big splash for 1…2….3 and its over just like that. Monsoon and Ventura can’t believe it as Howard Finkel gets on the mic. “Time of the fall….9 SECONDS…your winner King Kong Bundy” Um, what? I specifically counted 23 seconds (which Monsoon ironically says is the previous record) so this was all just hooplah to get Bundy over as Hogan’s future opponent.

Time of match: 23 seconds

Winner: King Kong Bundy by pinfall

Back to Alfred Hays who shills the upcoming match as Bundy makes his way back to the locker room. Mean Gene interviews Borne first and he says Steamboat’s too nice of a guy and he’s gonna beat him up then Ricky comes in and scoffs at Borne for basically calling him a wuss and says he’s gonna take him out.

Match 3

“Maniac” Matt Borne vs Ricky Steamboat

This could be the sleeper as match of the night because Borne was more talented than he looked (and this was 8 years before he became Doink the Clown) and we all know how great Steamboat was. Borne was competing in tboth Portland and Mid-South when he was brought in for the match. Ventura hypes Matt’s father “Tough” Tony Borne who wrestled many moons ago including an encounter with Gorilla himself. They tie up to start before Steamboat leapfrogs over Borne and goes for the double chop but Matt catches himself, then runs into the double chop anyway. Steamboat hits a snap mare and a headlock as Monsoon hypes up him and Jimmy Snuka as possible tag team title contenders. Steamboat rolls through an atomic drop attempt and hits one of his own, then mocks Borne’s selling of the maneuver. Steamboat goes back to the side headlock before Borne hits an inverted atomic drop and a knee lift. Borne fires away in the corner but Steamboat hits a boot to the head (yeah yeah!) and a chop from the second rope. Steamboat hits another double karate chop as the announcers shill Ricky’s physique and Borne’s intelligence. Borne backs Ricky in the corner and hits a series of knee’s to the mid-section followed by a BtB suplex. Matt hits a snap suplex and covers for 1..2…nope, they trade blows in the ring before Steamboat gets the upper hand with karate chops. Steamboat hits a back suplex, a reverse neckbreaker and 2 knee drops for a cover of 1..2…nope. Steaboat leapfrogs over Borne and hits some sort of double punch to the face, then he goes upstairs and hits the FLYING CROSSBODY for 1…2….three and we have a winner. Short and sweet….so much for my match of the night prediction.

Time of match: 4:38

Winner: Ricky Steamboat by pinfall

Back to Alfred Hays who hypes up the upcoming Sammartino/Beefcake showdown before sending it over to Okerlund with the pre-match interview. David says he and his dad have been training hard and he’s gonna avenge Hillbilly Jim by taking Beefcake out before Bruno says if Johnny V interferes he’s gonna knock him out.  Beefcake and Johnny enter WHILE DAVID IS STILL ON SCREEN….are u kidding me, Verne Gagne would have a heart attack if he saw this going on in the AWA. Anyway Johnny V cuts a funny promo that’s too fast to be mentioned here so let’s go back to ringside. Its funny how Johnny Valiant became a manager for WWF while brother Jimmy was still competing for Crockett at this time.
Match 4

Brutus Beefcake (with Johnny Valiant) vs David Sammartino (with Bruno Sammartino)

Poor David, the old man’s shoes were too big to fill and even when matched up against a stiff like Beefcake, he STILL gets laughed at. There’s no referee in the ring so they stall for a while as Monsoon and Ventura discuss the possibility of Beefcake being “Luscious” Johnny Valiant’s son. They exchange tie-ups after the bell before David hits a drop-toe hold as the camera pans to Bruno outside. They exchange go-behinds and takedowns before Brutus slides under the ring and regroups with Valiant. Back inside David hits a series of old school takedowns and goes to the front headlock, a Sammartino trademark. Beefcake threatens to pound the ref before David counters a scoop slam with an arm-bar. David drops a leg on the left shoulder before Beefcake gets up and hits a high school style headlock for 1…2..nope. Brutus hits a shoulder-block and an arm=drag but Sammartino nips up and catches Beefcake with a double toe-hold. Beefcake powers out of it but David catches the leg and applies a step-over. Brutus counters a figure four attempt but Sammartino continues with the leg lock as Beefcake doesn’t even sell it….seriously, he adjusts his arm pads and barely looks like he’s in pain. Beefcake gets a thumb to the eye and hits a backdrop before hitting a series of forearms to the sternum. Beefcake hits a scoop slam and goes back on offense with elbows in the corner. Beefcake hits a hard irish whip into the corner, poses, then hits a series of knees to the mid-section. Bruno gets the crowd to chant for David as Beefcake runs straight into a back body-drop. Sammartino rallies with clubbing right hands and jabs before hitting a weak looking boot to the mid-section. David hits a big knee to the head and a snap suplex then covers for 1…2..negative. Beefcake throws David out of the ring where Valiant pounces and slams him on the concrete floor…causing the old man to toss Valiant in the ring for an ass kicking. Bruno waffles Johnny with a series of forearms before Beefcake pounds away to stop the momentum. David comes over and all 4 men go at it as the ref calls for the bell before the Sammartino’s clean house. The crowd erupts but then boos when Finkel announces the match is a draw. The first and last appearance of David Sammartino on any major WWF event as Beefcake was just getting started.

Time of match: 11:40

Winner: No one…double DQ

Back to Alfred Hays who shills the upcoming IC title match before sending it over to Gene Okerlund for the pre-match interviews. Valentine says he’s the master of the figure four and he’s gonna hammer JYD before Dog comes in and says he’s going to get his hands on Jimmy Hart. Back to ringside with Gorilla and Jesse.

Match 5

Junkyard Dog vs Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (with Jimmy Hart) for the WWF Intercontinental Championship

JYD, one of the most popular black athletes in wrestling history gets a title shot here. JYD had come over from Mid-South wrestling (damn near crippling the promotion as he was the top star) for this one. Valentine enters first as Another One Bites The Dust hits and JYD enters. I should point out JYD is the first person to use entrance music as everyone else to this point didn’t have any. They fake hitting each other as JYD jukes and jives to the crowd’s delight before hitting an arm twister. Valentine whips JYD off but Dog catches the foot then catches Greg with a right hand. Valentine hits a knee and an elbow but misses a forearm so JYD hits his trademark headbutts on the ground before the camera pans to the Garden crowd. Monsoon says Hart is now the manager of Jim Niedhart, Bundy and Valentine before Valentine goes back on offense. Greg hits a forearm to the back of the neck and an elbow drop to the mid-section before going over the right leg of JYD. Valentine goes for a half-crab and stretches the knee as the crowd begins to roar for JYD. Valentine hits a headbutt to the midsection but JYD counters the figure four attempt and sells the injury well. Valentine works him over in the corner before Dog rallies with right hands and headbutts as Valentine does the flop. Jimmy Hart gets on the apron and Dog grabs him but moves out of the way causing Valentine
to hammer Jimmy to the floor. Dog backs Valentine in the corner with forearm and a headbutt before Valentine rake the eyes and scoops the legs with his feet on the rope for 1…2…3 and Valentine wins it. All of a sudden Tito Santana hits the ring and tells the ref Valentine had his foot on the rope. All of a sudden the ref calls for the match to continue making him the smartest ref in the history of wrestling up to this point, but Valentine wants no part of it and stays out of the ring. Dog wins by count-out but the title does not change hands on a count-out so The Hammer is still the champ. Santana and Dog taunt Valentine in the ring as Greg teases getting in to fight them before walks to the back. That was supposed to be a 1 hour time limit and it didn’t even go 7 minutes…..the next 4 matches better be long because this is crash style so far.

Time of match: 6:53

Winner:  Junkyard Dog by count-out (Valentine retains the title)

Back to Hays who shills the upcoming tag team title match before sending it over to Okerlund for the pre-match interviews. Sheik says down with America while my favorite manager of all time Blassie says we’re looking at the next champions. Gene “Ok commie…er comrade” Volkoff “I came, I saw, I conquer” Albano walks in with a beer in his hand and says the Express is gonna win, now THAT’S confidence.

Match 6

The Un-Americanz (Nikolai Volkoff and Iron Sheik) with Freddie Blassie vs The US Express (Barry Windham and Mike Rotundo) with Captain Lou Albano for the WWF Tag Team Championship

The men who would become IRS and The Stalker (father and uncle of a Wyatt family member too) take on Sheik and Volkoff here. The Express had beaten the North/South Connection (Adrian Adonis and Dick Murdoch) for the belts two months prior. Before the match Nikolai does his pre-match ritual by singing the Soviet National Anthem as the Garden crowd heaves garbage in the ring. Sheik “RUSSIA NUMBA VUN….IRAN NUMBA VUN…AMERICA HACK PATOIE!” Born in the USA by Bruce “The Boss” Springstein hits and the Express make their entrance. With 3 out of the 4 wrestlers in their prime, this could be the sleeper that Borne/Steamboat wasn’t. Rotundo starts off with Sheik as Ventura says you’ll see bad world series and superbowls but not Wrestlemania….yah wait until Wrestlemania 11. Rotundo hits an armdrag, dropkick, a scoop slam and a headlock takedown as Ventura shills. Windham makes the tag and hits an elbow from off the top rope then hits a boot to the mid-section. Sheik backs Barry back in the corner and Volkoff holds, but Windham escapes and Sheik dropicks Volkoff instead. Volkoff tags in and the camera shows an instant replay of the dropkick before going back to live action where Rotundo hits a back elbow smash. IRS…er Mike locks in an arm-bar then tags in Windham who once again comes off the top onto the elbow. Rotundo follows with the same elbow drop before Nikolai takes over and rams Rotundo’s head into Sheik’s legendary loaded boot. Sheik backdrops Rotundo and hits an elbow drop for 1…2…nope, near fall. Iron Sheik executes a gut-wrench suplex and covers for a deuce before Rotundo blocks a snap suplex and hits one of his own. Nikolai tags in and drops him throat first on the top rope as Blassie shouts “Kick em!” Rotundo switches out of a hammerlock as the crowd gets a USA chant going. Mike hits a sunset flip for 1..2…noooo, Volkoff quickly gets up and puts the boots to him. Volkoff hits a knee to the mid-section and boots before ramming Mike’s head once again into Sheik’s boot. The heels double team Rotundo before Sheik applies an abdominal stretch as the camera pans to Blassie and Albano trading invectives. Rotundo escapes and Volkoff tags in but Mike finally makes it to Windham, who fires away at Nikolai with fists and a dropkick. Windham hits the bulldog and covers for 1..2…nope, Sheik cuts him off. Rotundo gets in and dropkicks Sheik to the floor but Blassie sneaks the cane into Sheik’s hands. The ref is distracted by Rotundo as Sheik breaks the cane over the back of Windham who crumbles to the floor. Nikolai rolls him over and covers for 1….2…3 and we got new tag team champions. Iron Sheik becomes the first superstar since Bob Backlund to be both World champion and Tag champion in their careers. I should point out the Express left the company not long after this and Windham wouldn’t compete in another Wrestlemania for 12 more years while Rotundo resurfaced 7 years later as I.R.S.

Time of match: 6:51

Winners: The Un-Americanz by pinfall (New Tag Team Champions)

Mean Gene interviews the new champs and scoffs at Blassie for using the cane. Freddie “Cane? What cane? I didn’t have no cane!” Sheik says Gene Mean and spits at the US again as Okerlund sends it back to Monsoon and Ventura who goes over what we just saw. Back to Alfred Hays who shills the upcoming $15,000 slam match who sends it back to Okerlund for the pre-match interviews. Studd and Heenan enter with the duffel bag of money and its funny to see Okerlund try to stick his hand in as Heenan swats it away. Heenan “There’s only 2 people that are gonna see this money, me and Studd….make it 3, the teller at the bank when we deposit the money.” The next segment is shilling Wrestlemania merchandise which makes no sense because the announcer dude says “pick it up in the corridors” which is an insinuation people watching this commercial is at the Garden? Whatever….on to the match.

Match 7

Andre the Giant vs Big John Studd (with Bobby Heenan) in a $15,000 Slam Match

Ok, the rules are simple…..if Andre bodyslams Studd he wins 15 grand but if Studd slams Andre then say goodbye to the Giant. Studd attacks Andre in the corner as the bell rings before Andre rallies with chop and a big headbutt. Andre boots Studd to the outside of the ring and John regroups with Heenan, back inside Andre taunts Studd until backing him into the corner. Andre chokes Studd in the corner and Ventura asks where the ref is, but this isn’t a standard wrestling match so there are no DQ’s to speak of. Andre hits a knee to the head and big hamhock to the head before executing avalanches in the corner. Studd goes for a bodyslam but Andre blocks it then chops away at Studd before hitting a bearhug. The fants chats for Andre to slam as Ventura says “25,000 strong chanting”…..thought the building only held about 17,000 but nevertheless it is a sell out. The bearhug spot is worked for 2 full minutes before letting go and hitting a forearm to the back as Ventura says this could be the last time we could be seeing Andre. Andre hits a headlock and hits another hamhock to the mid-section as the crowd erupts. Andre whips Studd off and catches the foot, then hits another right hand to the face. Andre blocks a back elbow smash before chopping John in the corner. Andre kicks away at Studd’s leg and I’ll let Monsoon handle this one. “Andre now going to work on the leg, LOOK AT THIS…ANDRE PICKS EM UP…HE SLAMMED HIM!!!” This one’s over and Andre wins the match as the crowd erupts again as Finkel hands Andre the bag of money. Andre begins throwing money into the crowd before Heenan sneaks up, steals the bag then runs to the back with Studd. Ventura “They don’t call him The Brain for nothin Gino!” Andre poses in the ring and his career will resume….for a few more years anyway. I look at this match not for the catch-as-catch-can but for the drama and the storyline because in 1985, 15 grand or retire was a big deal so this match certainly was legendary. Screw the ROH smarks and spotfest lovers.

Time of match: 5:52

Winner: Andre the Giant

Back to Okerlund who interviews Andre who says in his booming voice that he doesn’t care about the money and tries cutting a promo but is cut off as we send it back to Monsoon and Ventura. The man just saved his career, let him speak dammit! We send it back to Alfred Hays who tries to shill the upcoming women’s match but is cut off by Moolah who kisses him on the lips. Alfred “Good gracious!” then Leilani kisses him before he finally sends it to Mean Gene. Okerlund interviews Lauper and Richter then Cyndi in her thick Brooklyn accent she’s gonna get her hands on Moolah. Richter says she’s gonna get her belt back as the camera cuts off allowing Moolah and Leilani to enter….why couldn’t they have done that all night to make it look like they weren’t standing next to each other. Moolah is wearing flamboyant glasses and Okerlund says don’t tell Ventura about them so he doesn’t get any ideas. Back to ringside for the match…..
Match 8

Wendi Richter (with Cyndi Lauper and David Wolfe) vs Leilani Kai (with Fabulous Moolah) for the WWF Womens Championship

Ironically this match was more hyped up than the previous 7 (Andre included) because of the involvement of Lauper on MTV. Richter had originally dethroned Moolah and Moolah trained Leilani to get the belt back, which she did. Richter, Wolfe and Lauper come running out to Girls Just Wanna Have Fun as the crowd goes crazy for the trio. Cyndi gets in Leilani’s face before the bell and Kai motions that she’s crazy, haha good one. I don’t know whether it was because I was a weird kid or not but when I first saw this match I thought Leilani was much more gorgeous than Wendi but Richter was the better wrestler. Monsoon says Cyndi stole her outfit out of Ventura’s dresser as we get underway with the big title match. They tie up and roll around the ropes before Leilani backs Wendi in the corner. Wendi punches Leilani halfway across the ring then hits an armdrag but Leilani nips Richter off her. Kai hits an armdrag but Wendi turns it into a hammerlock before THROWING her in hammerlock position a good 3 feet in the air, how Leilani didn’t tear a shoulder in the process I don’t know. Leilani reaches back and hits a series of snapmares as Cyndi shouts encouragement for Wendi. Leilani goes back to old school holds, a tribute to Moolah I’m sure.  They trade blows in the ring before Leilani grabs Wendi by the hair and throws her into the corner, then hits a snapmare before choking her down. Wendi applies a body scissors from sex position and Leilani shows how strong she is by pulling her all the way to her feet but Wendi hits a forearm to the chest. They appear to go for the same gut-wrench suplex but Wendi being taller falls forward into a lateral press for 1…2….nope. Leilani holds on to the hair then snapmares her over as Ventura speculates what its like to be on the receiving end of something like that. Kai throws Richter in the corner but a charge eats double boot then Wendi covers for a near fall. Leilani distracts the ref so Moolah chokes Wendi on the bottom rope before Cyndi runs over to save the day. Leilani whips Wendi off and hits a boot to the mid-section but Wendi rallies with a forearm and a New Delhi Devastator (and this is 1985 no less). Wendi splashes on top for 1….2..nope, near fall. Wendi whips Leilani into the corner where she goes for a splash but Kai gets the knees up in time. Leilani puts the boots to Wendi and hits a backbreaker for 1….2..NOOOO, that was close. Leilani hits a scoop slam then goes upstairs and hits a flying crossbody, but then Wendi rolls through it for 1….2……3 and we got a new WWF Women’s champion! Cyndi runs around and strangles Moolah with the towel before she trips getting into the ring. A funny spot that I find funny is Cyndi tries to pick up Wendi but can’t and Wendi picks up Cyndi effortlessly. They then do a dose-do dance as Girls Just Wanna Have Fun once again blares to the Madison Square Garden crowd.  Monsoon goes to the replay of the finish and speculates when Leilani came off the top she hit her head on the canvas allowing Wendi to roll on top……good explanation but anyways we got a new champion. I should point out this would be the last Women’s title change at a Wrestlemania for 16 years.

Time of match: 6:13

Winner: Wendi Richter by pinfall (New Women’s champion)

We go back to Mean Gene in the locker-room who interviews the new champ, where she says she beat “Leilani Cow”. Captain Lou makes his way into the picture as Gene asks “Did Moolah get in your way Cyndi?” Wendi “Are you crazy??” Cyndi “Yeah she’s bigger than me but I took care of her” before sending it to Howard Finkel in the ring. Fink turns things over to New York Yankees manager Billy Martin who is the special guest ring announcer. He gets a standing O from the crowd which is weird considering how many times he’s been hired and fired as manager. He then introduces Liberace as the special guest time-keeper (who dances a jig with the Rockettes in the ring) Billy then introduces the special guest referee Pat Patterson and special guest enforcer former world heavyweight boxing champion Muhammad Ali. Jose Torrez the former light-heavyweight champion leads Ali to the ring as the crowd gives a much deserved applause for the duo. Now its time for the main event……
Match 9

“Mr Wonderful” Paul Orndorff and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (with Bob Orton) vs Mr T and Hulk Hogan (with Jimmy Snuka)

A Bagpipe band makes their way to the ring signaling the arrival of wrestling’s number one heel ROWDY…..RODDY….PIPER!!  The Rowdy one makes his entrance with Mr Wonderful and “Ace” Bob Orton. Not to nitpick, but couldn’t this have been a six man tag match since Snuka was equally as loved in the Garden as Hogan and Orton was Piper’s bodyguard…ah well, no use squawking about it now. Mr. T, Snuka and Hogan make their entrance to Eye of the Tiger as the Garden crowd goes nuts. They take FOREVER to start before Liberace stands and rings his custom made bell to start the main event. Hogan and Orndorff start and its well documented these 2 have not liked each other for a long time because of their childhood in Tampa where their high schools were football rivals or something to that extent. Orndorff teases going at it before tagging Piper in. Mr T hops up and down saying let me have him so Hogan tags him in. Piper made it clear on his DVD compilation he never liked Mr. T so this feud was more personal than it was business. Piper hated Mr T, Orndorff and Hogan hated each other so this maybe an out and out shoot by the end. Piper and T staredown nose to nose before they exchange slaps to the face before hitting a go-behind takedown. T tries to sit-out/turn in but Piper maintains the ride. Mr T finally switches out of it as Orndorff fires up Piper in their corner. Mr T puts Piper into a fireman’s carry then drops him like yesterday’s newspaper (Monsoon’s words not mine). Piper backs T into his corner where Orndorff gets in then a melee ensues when all 4 men brawl into the corner. Muhammad Ali and Bob Orton get in the ring as Snuka goes upstairs. Ali throws a punch that sends Piper out of the ring then takes a swing at Orton who retreats to the ground. The heels regroup outside as the camera shows Billy Martin laughing his ass off at the proceedings. Piper motions that they’re outta here as Monsoon scoffs and the heels actually leave the area. Patterson counts up to 8 before Hogan stops him and motions for them to come back and the heels in fact do walk back to ringside. Piper and Paul get in the ring to attack Mr T and Hogan but the faces clean house. They hit a double noggin knocker on the heels before Hogan clotheslines Roddy in the corner. Hulk hits a knoggin knocker on Piper and Orndorff before hitting an atomic drop on the rowdy one. Piper and Hogan trade blows before Hulk makes the tag to Mr T then they hit a double clotheslines. T hits a scoop slam on Piper and an arm-drag on an interfering Orndorff. T hits another slam on Piper and headbutts Orndorff before ramming Piper’s head into Hogan’s knee. Make no mistake about it, in terms of physical condition Mr T has the physique that is better than half the WWF roster so had he went into wrestling, he couldn’t have been any worse than anybody the AWA put out in the late 80’s. Hogan rakes the eyes and big boots Piper over the top rope to the floor. Mr Wonderful interferes and clotheslines Hogan out of the ring so Piper grabs a chair and waffles the Hulkster with it. Muhammad Ali chases Piper back in the ring but Orndorff sneaks out and throws Hogan into the ring. Piper puts the boots to Hogan as Orndorff sneaks in a cheap shot of his own. Mr T interferes so Piper and Orndorff double team the Hulkster. Piper and Orndorff execute a double atomic drop on Hogan as Muhammad Ali gets in the ring to chase Piper out. Fans may not be pleased with Ali’s constant interference but from a kayfabe standpoint he’s supposed to be the enforcer and that’s exactly what he’s doing. Patterson has to beg Ali to get out as Orndorff works over Hulk. Orndorff hits a snap suplex as Ventura says he’s the x-factor of this match being the most technically gifted of all 4 men involved…..well 6 including Snuka and Orton outside. Piper tags in and hits windup punches then a knee lift for 1…2..nope, Hogan kicks out. Piper holds Hogan as Paul tags in and hits a forearm to the back of the neck…..One of the unwritten laws of wrestling is not to hit moves on the back of the neck because you’re more prone to actual injuries, but Orndorff would ROUTINELY do this to Hogan in their matches, pissing off the Hulkster legitimately in the process. Paul covers for a near-fall before hitting a nice backbreaker before going upstairs. Orndorff goes for another forearm off the top but misses, before Hogan makes the hot tag to Mr T. T cleans house before Orndorff is able to take him down. Mr T and Orndorff go high school style as Mr T goes for a roll but Paul wizzers to make sure that doesn’t happen. Piper makes the tag then hits a front headlock on B.A. Barabus before T tags Hogan in.  Both heels interfere so Hogan hits a double noggin knocker on them then headlock punches Orndorff until Wonderful counters with a back suplex. Piper interferes but Patterson cuts him off so both Jimmy Snuka and Cowboy Bob get in the ring. Snuka hits a jumping headbutt that sends Orton over the top to the apron. Patterson is distracted by Snuka as Orndorff puts Hogan in a full nelson. Piper and Mr. T go at it as Patterson turns his attention to him as Orton goes upstairs. Orton comes off the top but Hogan moves and Ace catches Orndorff in the back of the head with the cast. Hogan covers as Snuka roughs up Orton and Patterson gets in position..1……2…..3….its overrrrrrrr!!!!  The ring becomes chaos as everyone gets in the ring before Piper knocks out Patterson, spits at Orndorff and takes off with Orton in tow. Back inside Mr T tends to Orndoff as Billy Martin announce Hogan and Mr T the winner. Orndorff springs to life as Snuka, T, Patterson and Hogan back off. The faces celebrate in the ring as Orndorff doesn’t have a clue what happened before heading to the locker-room. Hogan, Mr. T, Muhammad Ali, Pat Patterson, Snuka, Liberace and Billy Martin all pose and celebrate in the ring. Monsoon and Ventura go to the instant replay before sending it back to Mean Gene to interview the winners. Mr T says he trained hard,as Hogan shills Snuka and T before Superfly does the same thing.  Back to Monsoon and Ventura who sign off and thanks the fans for tuning in.

Time of match: 13:21
Winners: Mr T and Hulk Hogan by pinfall

From an in ring standpoint this was on par with a lot of WWF action from 1985 and historically it did great numbers on closed circuit television. WWF was taking over the country and this would be the greatest year in wrestling (until 1998) for the AWA had their second wind after losing virtually their entire roster to McMahon, the NWA was awesome with the Horsemen against Rhodes and Magnum and of course WWF’s Rock n Wrestling was a big seller. This was more of a modern day crash event with only 2 matches going over 10 minutes but that’s basically how long WWF stars could go and still be entertaining. If you’re looking for an in-ring classic ppv like Great American Bash 96 don’t bother, but if you want a drama filled time capsule of fun then definitely get your hands on this priceless classic. Seriously, whoever was old enough to remember what wrestling was like during this time period can agree that this was ground breaking. The next tape after this in terms of Coliseum Video releases is WWF’s MOST UNUSUAL MATCHES. As for this one, 4 stars out of 5 for the significance and a point off for the crash style. Some of them deserved to be longer.

Best of the WWF Volume 1 (WF003)

BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 1 (WF003)

After BLOOPERS, BLEEPS AND BODYSLAMS and HULKAMANIA hit the shelves, it was time for Vince McMahon Jr to follow up with some REAL action. The first tape was a silly look at wrestling while the second was an exclusive look at Hulk Hogan. Now it was time to showcase the past and present in the first installment of the “best of” series. For historical purposes I’ll guess that this tape was released in March of 1985. We begin with the now standard Coliseum Video opening before being chosen by our host, Vince himself wearing a decent suit for once. He previews all of the matches we’re going to see (and some of them are damn good actually). Now with anything labeled “Best of” I’m skeptical on how things will turn out. I will be judging the matches not just for quality but for importance as well. After all, if this is a ”best of”  tape the action better be legendary. Before we go to the handicap match, we’re treated to an interview with Hogan and Andre The Giant. Hulk warns the crowd of the impending destruction during the match and the man standing next to him is NOT Andre the Giant, he will referred to as “The Boss”. Andre used to call people boss and people referred to him as “boss” so Hogan’s statement is accurate. Hogan hypes up Andre and lets him say a few words. Andre brings up a past cage match between himself and Studd and saying there’s no cage this time, nowhere to hide. Andre says Hulk will take care of the tag champs and Hogan agrees. There were no dudes, mans, jacks or brothers in that promo. Damn, I grew up in the wrong era.

Match 1

The North-South Connection (Adrian Adonis & Dick Murdoch) and “Big” John Studd vs Hulk Hogan and Andre The Giant

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Ken Resnick

We go back to July 15, 1984 at the Brendan Byrne Arena in East Rutherford, NJ for this big matchup. Adonis and Murdoch were the reigning WWF Tag Team Champions and Studd was probably the only one who could match power with Hogan and size with Andre. The heels make their entrance first and only Adonis is carrying a tag belt, Murdoch isn’t. They pass by Vince himself walking toward the arena and Studd playfully punches him in the chest. Hmmmmmm….Adonis starts giving ring announcer Gary Michael Cappetta shit as Monsoon calls Murdoch and Adrian “The Wrecking Crew”….No that’s not Gene and Ole Anderson there Gorilla. Hogan comes out in the white tights with Andre in the red. Referee Dick Kroll takes forever to start and when the bell rings, Adrian and Hogan start. The announce table is so close to the ring Andre nearly steps on Resnick’s monitor. Adonis and Hogan exchange hammerlocks before Adonis comes off the ropes only to be met by a chop to the chest by Andre from the apron. Hogan floors Adrian with a right hand but Adonis recovers to tag in Murdoch. Dick goes to work on the left arm before Studd tags in. We get a TAPE EDIT and now its Studd and Andre in the ring. Before anything happens we get another TAPE EDIT and Andre’s dazed outside while the tag champs have Hogan pinned down. Finally Murdoch leaves the ring and Hogan backs Adrian into the corner with knees to the gut. Hogan rams Adrian’s head into the babyface corner where Andre tags in. Andre drops Adrian with a  headbutt. Andre heaves Adrian into the corner where Adonis flips forward then down. Studd gets the tag and he carefully enters the ring. Andre slugs Studd then does his ass bump in the corner. Murdoch gets in and Andre puts him in the corner as well. Time for “giant football style” as Jesse The Body would say. Adonis gets in and goes for an axehandle but Andre blocks it and stacks him in the corner with the others. Andre sandwhiches the trio while Hogan joins Andre and looks like he’s dry humping the big guy. Adonis collapses as Dick staggers into the center of the ring where Andre sends him flying with a big right hand. Adonis retreats to the aprons and now its just Studd/Andre. John counters a backdrop with a big boot that drops Andre to one knee. If you look closely you can see Studd tagging Adrian but Murdoch gets in. Dick unloads with bionic elbows (remember he was the “other” half of the Texas Outlaws with Dusty Rhodes) and right hands. The heels make frequent tags and Murdoch delivers a modified top rope bulldog to Andre. Murdoch stomps away at the big man and we get another TAPE EDIT. Adonis has Andre down and Murdoch tags back in. Murdoch steals the tag rope and chokes Andre with it as Hogan gets in to protest. As the ref shoos Hogan away Adonis comes in to help Dick choke him. Once Adonis leaves, Dick drops the rope which Andre grabs, Murdoch slugs away at the big guy then measures him for a big punch. Murdoch comes off the rope only Andre catches him with the tag rope and wraps it around his throat for some payback. Hogan tags himself in and he catches an interfering Adonis then heaves Murdoch into him, Adonis does his reverse Andre spot….you know when Andre ties himself up in the ropes, well Adonis does it only he flips himself on the apron all tied up. Hogan sends Murdoch into Adonis again. Hogan slugs Studd then sends Dick into the corner, but the charge eats elbow. Another TAPE EDIT shows Adonis scoop slamming Hogan. Adrian drops a series of knees and elbows to the head then goes all the way up. Hogan catches him and drops him crotch first on the top rope. Adonis rolls to his corner and tags in Studd. John applies a front headlock then tags in Murdoch. Dick stomps away then sends Hogan off only for them to crash into each other. Andre gets the hot tag and he backdrops Murdoch. Adonis interferes and Andre rams his and Murdoch’s heads together. Hogan intercepts a charging Studd. A pier 6 brawl develops as Andre cleans out the champs then floors Studd with a headbutt. Studd bails to the back as Andre gives chase. The champs double team Hogan inside the ring but soon Andre comes back. Studd’s nowhere to be found so now its down to 2 on 2. Hogan “Hulks Up” on Murdoch before tagging in Andre. Andre floors Murdoch with a big boot then sits on him. Hogan intercepts Adrian as the ref counts 1….2…3 and its over. Hogan and Andre prevail as the crowd cheers. Does this belong on a tape like this? For its time period, yes.

Time of Match: An edited 9:30

Winners: Hogan and Andre by pinfall

Vince sends us to a legendary women’s title match between Wendi Richter and Fabulous Moolah from July 23, 1984. Before we get to that we’re sent to an interview with “Mean” Gene Okerlund who’s bringing Captain Lou Albano and Moolah out. Albano rants and raves but calls her “often imitated, never duplicated” and ain’t that the truth. Nowadays “divas” are supposed to be beautiful as well as tough. Moolah was certainly attractive in her day but she was absolutely tough as nails. If she was in her prime today, she’d beat the ever loving shit out of every diva on the roster. Hell, this match was the day after she turned 61 years old (happy birthday Moolah) and she’s still in shape and kicking ass. Moolah says hi to her friends AND enemies and that she’ll come out on top. Albano goes to rant again but Gene cuts him off saying Cindy Lauper has Richter ready to go but Moolah scoffs. Albano says she’s held the belt for 12 years and Moolah says “27 years” which causes Albano to apologize. That was no joke either, due to shortage of ladies wrestling and because she was the best, Moolah really did have the belt since the Capitol Wrestling days of 1956.

Match 2:

Wendi Richter (with Cindy Lauper) vs Fabulous Moolah (with Lou Albano) for the WWF Women’s Championship

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Gene Okerlund

8 days after the last match (July 23^rd now), we’re in Madison Square Garden for the dawning of the Rock N Wrestling era. Lauper had aligned herself with Wendi Richter to get back at Albano for insulting her on Piper’s Pit. Moolah’s got the green tights on and Richter the pink. Bells gone and they trade armdrags. Okerlund brings David Wolff over to say how Albano was never Cindy’s manager..yeah, we know. Moolah gets in a kick to the mid-section and a right hand to the face. Moolah executes a series of hairgrab takeovers before sending her through the ropes and onto the announcer’s table. Wolff, Monsoon and Okerlund helps Wendi up as we get a TAPE EDIT. Now Wendi locks in an armbar as Monsoon calls Albano a fountain of mis-information. Wendi goes for a splash on the arm but Moolah rolls out of the way. Another TAPE EDIT shows Moolah with the upperhand, snapping Wendi throat first off the top rope. Moolah struts around the ring and poses for the crowd, looks great for turning 61 the day earlier. Moolah drops Wendi with a chop to the chest. A headbutt by Wendi sends Moolah backwards, all tied up in the ring roops. Richter kicks away before we get another TAPE EDIT and now Richter’s holding Moolah so Cindy can take a shot at her. Lauper works the crowd for a pop before walloping Moolah the best she can. The ref tells her to hit the bricks as Albano gets bent out of shape. Moolah nails Moolah with a dropkick and the cover actually gets 3 because Moolah doesn’t get a shoulder up but the ref, Richter and the announcers pretend it was 2. Richter turns a scoop slam into a suplex (nice) but the cover only gets 1. Another TAPE EDIT now shows Moolah backdropping Wendi into the center of the ring. A cover gets 1.2..nope, Moolah pulls her up for more torture. Good god ANOTHER TAPE EDIT shows Moolah ramming Wendi’s head into the corner a few times. Moolah turns a rolling prawn into a german suplex for 1…2….3 and its over. Moolah and Albano celebrate but not so fast! The alert referee noticed Richter’s arm came up at 2 so that means…oh yes, Wendi Richter is your new WWF Women’s champion, ending the 27 year reign of Moolah. Ring announcer Howard Finkel announces Richter the new champion, Gene Okerlund “Oh my word, oh my word!” Wolff and Lauper celebrate with the exhausted Richter as its pandemonium in the Garden. Moolah gets pissed and dropkicks the referee. She and the referee stomp him out of the ring in frustration. The ref recovers to raise Wendi’s hand as Albano and Moolah celebrate like she still won the match. Monsoon and Mean Gene finally notice the replay and it confirms Richter’s arm comes up at two. I can’t even rate the match because it was edited so badly but for what its worth, Richter was damn good and Moolah looked great for 61. A new era had begun and for a brief period, women’s wrestling would be taken seriously in MSG. Does this match belong on a tape like this, absolutely.

Time of match: A heavily edited 4:06

Winner: Wendi Richter by pinfall (New women’s champion)

We then go to one of the most famous segments in WWF history (that’s never mentioned anymore because most of today’s fanbase weren’t even born yet)

Match 3

Baron Mikel Scicluna vs Gorilla Monsoon

Commentator: Vince McMahon

Back in 1976, Monsoon was an active wrestler and today he’d be taking on the Madman from Malta. The ring announcer introduces heavyweight boxing legend Muhammad Ali in the front row before introducing the combatants. Monsoon gets a huge pop from the crowd but Scicluna attacks him before the bell.  The Baron attacks Monsoon in the corner with forearms. Finally Monsoon rallies with chops and right hands. Monsoon nails Scicluna on the top of the head with a slap then chops him over the top rope to the floor. All of a sudden Muhammad Ali pops up and takes his jacket off. Apparently Ali wants to go round to round with Monsoon as the crowd pops.

At this point Scicluna says the hell with it and leaves as the ref calls for the bell. Ali sheds his shirt, jacket and shoes as he climbs in the ring. Monsoon twirls his finger around his head and asks if Ali has gone crazy. Ali tries to stick and move with jabs as Monsoon laughs at him. Monsoon throws a jab himself and Ali continues to stick and move. Finally Monsoon grabs him by the arm and puts him in an airplane spin. Camera bulbs go off all over as Monsoon drops him back first. Monsoon circles Ali like a shark as Ali’s manager gets him out of there. Vince hypes up Ali saying he could whip any wrestler and Monsoon just proved otherwise. Vince leaps up from his broadcast position wearing a red suit to interview Monsoon. Monsoon says he’s a great boxer but had no business being in the wrestling ring. “This guy doesn’t know a wristlock from a wrist watch how can he get in there with a wrestler? All he knows is to throw a few lousy jabs, that’s not gonna stop a wrestler!” Vince takes a look at the replay and Monsoon says “Great boxer, terrible, terrible as a wrestler.” My how times have changed. Muhammad Ali is considered by many to be the greatest heavyweight boxer of all time and he was humiliated by Gorilla Monsoon there. 33 years later the game’s greatest WELTERWEIGHT at the time, Floyd Mayweather, would step in the ring with Big Show. Show is significantly taller and a bit heavier than Monsoon. Senile Vince apparently forgot how he booked Ali/Monsoon decades earlier and had Floyd knock out Big Show. As for the forgotten third man, Scicluna was one of the top heels of the 60’s and 70’s plus was inducted into the WWF Hall of Fame in 1996. So we got 2 hall of fame wrestlers and a hall of fame boxer in one match, that certainly belongs on a tape like this.

Time of match: 48 seconds

Winner: Gorilla Monsoon by count-out.

We now go to a squash match featuring The Superfly…..huh?

Match 4

“Superfly” Jimmy Snuka vs Bobby Bass

Commentators: Jack Reynolds and King Kong Mosca

We’re on weekly WWF programming for this useless jobber match from sometime in 1984. Reynolds was a known broadcaster at the time and Mosca was an ex wrestler. Hell, think Bischoff and Mongo. Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka gets attacked at the opening bell. He gets whipped into the corner but leaps over a charging Bass. Snuka backdrops Bass then scoop slams him. A series of hiptosses from the Superfly frustrates Bobby to the point he bails to the outside. Back inside Bass applies a headlock and shoulderblocks Jimmy down. Snuka leaps over Bass then delivers a flying headbutt. Snuka delivers a backbreaker then goes upstairs. The crowd goes beserk as Snuka hits the Superfly Splash. The cover 1…2…3 and its over. Absolutely no idea what the purpose of having a jobber match on this tape was unless it was to show how awesome Snuka was. Does it belong on the tape? Hell no!

Time of match: 1:24

Winner: Jimmy Snuka by pinfall
Vince sends us to Piper’s Pit where “Rowdy” Roddy Piper interviews Snuka…..yes, THAT Piper’s Pit. Unfortunately its clipped so we don’t get the full interview. We’re at the part where Piper tells Snuka to put the microphone in Jimmy’s little greasy paws. Piper then says he’s going to make Jimmy feel at home, he picks up a pineapple from a brown paper bag. My favorite line “This pineapple is like the women from the Fiji Islands, long busty hair on top, round on the bottom.” Piper then pulls out a bunch of bananas and taunts Snuka with them. Piper with coconuts: “Here we go….one coconuttttt….two coconuttttttt…four coconutttts, ya wanna be a big shot? Ya know what, the only thing I didn’t get. I didn’t get a tree for you to climb up and down like a monkey, like ya wanna do. You want to be a big shot, I’ll get you a tree next time!” He then throws a banana in Snuka’s face and finally Jimmy speaks, softly. “Are you making fun of me?” Piper: “Am I making fun of you? No sir! No Sir!” At this point Piper smashes a coconut over Snuka’s head that sends him sprawling into the cheap Piper’s Pit set, knocking it down. Piper grabs a banana, kicks the set off Snuka and begins rubbing it in his face. Piper gets another banana, spits at him, then rubs another one in his face. Piper then takes his belt off and whacks Snuka in the back as a little box in the corner with a smiling Piper is shown. This must be the TNT replay of the incident rather than the actual broadcast. Piper keeps whipping Snuka repeatedly and taunting him to get up. Finally Snuka gets to his feet, screams in rage and chases Piper behind a locked door. Snuka pounds on the door but can’t get it open as Tito Santana and 2 others pry him away. Vince then sends us to the inevitable match this angle would lead to. Does this Piper’s Pit belong on this tape? HELL YEAH!

Match 5

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper vs “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and “Lord” Alfred Hays

After the famous Piper’s Pit where Piper smashed a coconut over Snuka’s head, a match was in order. Nowadays it would be a week later on Raw or 3 weeks later on a pay per view but this match was in August of 1984, 5 months after Piper’s Pit. Madison Square Garden would be the scene and Snuka is wearing a loud pink shirt. After a LOT of stalling they trade blows in the ring until Snuka gets the upper hand. A karate chop drops Piper as the crowd explodes. A few more chops floors Piper again who begs off. Snuka delivers a jumping headbutt who drops and begs off. A headlocked punch staggers Roddy. They trade blows before Piper tries his own jumping headbutt and nearly knocks himself out. Monsoon “That was a mistake.” Piper follows up with a thumb to the eye, that worked. Piper does his own series of headlocked punches before doing a snapmare. Piper pounds away the Snuka on the mat as the ref tells him to watch the fist. Snuka rallies with a right hand and another chop to the chest. Snuka then chops Piper over the top rope to the floor. Snuka follows and rams Roddy’s head into the side of the ring. Snuka goes for a whip but Piper’s head accidentally gets caught behind the rope and it chokes him. Snuka plays off of it and Alfred says “Oh, what a good move!” Nice cover up boys. Snuka clubs away at Roddy then sends him off the ropes, only to catch him in a sleeper hold. Piper begins having a seizure then bails to the outside…with Snuka still applying the hold. Finally Piper breaks free by ramming Snuka backwards into the apron. Piper goes to ram Jimmy’s head into the post but Snuka counters last second. Snuka beats on him all around the ring. Piper grabs a steel chair but Jimmy grabs it from him then rams Roddy’s head into it. BRILLIANT! Piper is busted wide open as he retreats inside the ring. Piper bleeds and begs off from a screaming Snuka as the crowd is really into it. Snuka begins pounding away on Piper and the ref tries to pull him off to no avail. Snuka delivers a falling headbutt and goes upstairs. Piper gets to his feet and Snuka dives off, only to be caught by Roddy and dropped throat first on the top rope. Snuka stays there and Piper dumps him to the floor. The ref counts out Snuka and Piper’s your winner. I bet MSG was livid at that one but the tape cuts off there. Did this belong on the tape? Absolutely, you had a hot feud at the time that started from one of the all-time great moments in wrestling history.

Time of match: 6:12

Winner: Roddy Piper by count-out

Vince sends us to a junior heavyweight championship match…..what?

Match 6

The Cobra vs The Black Tiger for the WWF Junior Heavyweight Championship

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Gene Okerlund

How do I explain this one? When Vince bought Georgia Championship Wrestling away from Jim Barnett, he inherited the junior heavyweight champion Les Thornton. After booking Les for a few shows as the Junior Heavyweight champion, for whatever reason he stripped Thornton of the title. This match was supposed to fill the vacant title on December 28, 1984 in Madison Square Garden. Who the hell are these dudes though? Well the WWF defended its junior heavyweight title mostly in Japan. The Cobra is not Jeff Farmer (who’d later play The Cobra and the nWo Sting in WCW) but actually George Takano, a veteran of Stampede and NWA wrestling. He defeated none other than Davey Boy Smith to win the NWA junior title a year earlier. Who is Black Tiger? I’ll reveal him at the end. Fink bills Cobra from Japan weighing 225 pounds but the graphic on screen says 220. Black Tiger is billed from England weighing 220….hmmm, there’s your first clue. Cobra is a good few inches taller than Tiger and they circle to start. Cobra applies a hammerlock but Tiger spins out of it then drops Cobra with a series of takedowns. Tiger drops an elbow and locks in a rest-hold. Cobra reverses into a hammerlock, Tiger switches but Cobra again brings him down with a hammerlock. TAPE EDIT and now Tiger has Cobra in a leg-lock. Back to a reverse chinlock until Cobra makes it to his feet. In what would be used on the opening Coliseum Video montage, Black Tiger nails Cobra with a stiff clothesline. Hmm, junior heavyweight from England that uses stiff clotheslines, ringing a bell yet? Tiger sommersaults onto Cobra and covers but Cobra kicks out immediately. Tiger runs right into a back drop and Cobra applies a rest-hold. Cobra goes to work then goes up to the top only for Tiger to catch him in mid-air….and let Cobra down on his feet. Cobra then does a spinning wheel kick that catches Tiger in the ribs. Cobra drops a second rope knee drop then executes a gut-wrench suplex. A cover gets 1…2..no. Cobra catches Tiger in a crucifix for a deuce then applies a head scissors. Tiger then nips up and backs into the corner. Cobra fakes locking up then kicks Tiger in the ribs then delivers a gut buster. Cobra locks in a Boston crab then turns it into a Luchador Special (I’ll explain another time)….something unheard of in 1984 American wrestling. We get a TAPE EDIT and now Cobra breaks a full nelson then kicks Tiger in the head. Cobra sends Black Tiger to the floor with a dropkick where Tiger hops on the apron, nails Cobra then goes upstairs. In another clip that would be used in the Coliseum Video montage, Cobra slams Tiger off the top rope. Cobra locks in another head scissors before Tiger powers out of it. Tiger applies a headlock but is floored with a shoulderblock off the ropes. Tiger nips up and decks Cobra with another stiff arm clothesline. Tiger stops to nod at the crowd then drops a knee and covers for 1…2..nope. Tiger executes a swinging neckbreaker but we get another TAPE EDIT and now both men are down. Once they get to their feet, Cobra nearly takes Tiger’s head off with a spinning wheel kick. The cover gets a deuce and Cobra nails Tiger with a standing dropkick that sends Tiger through the ropes and to the outside. Cobra bounces off the ropes and SUICIDE DIVES through the ropes and onto Tiger. After another TAPE EDIT, Cobra is in the ring and Tiger drops him with a right hand from the apron. Tiger goes upstairs and splashes Cobra, gets up, nods at the crowd and executes a floatover suplex for 1…2..nope. Tiger picks up Cobra in a scoop slam position but modifies it to a tombstone, ouch. The cover gets a deuce and Tiger goes for another tombstone only for Cobra to reverse it. Cobra nails Tiger with the tombstone then goes upstairs. Cobra senton bombs (yes in 1984) Tiger then covers for 1…2…3 and its over. The crowd pops for a match that was 12 years ahead of its time. Fink presents the belt to Cobra. Cobra goes to shake Tiger’s hand but Tiger nails him in the chest with a forearm. What looks to be a sore loser angle is ruined because the segment cuts right then. Still, that match was right on par with the WCW cruiserweight matches that wouldn’t take place for a dozen years. Outstanding effort by both men although Cobra was pulling moves that were years ahead of their time. As for the Black Tiger….British light heavyweight with stiff clotheslines and a great suplex. If you haven’t guessed yet, it’s Mark “Rollerball” Rocco! What, were you expecting Dynamite Kid? Anyway as for the match deserving to be on this tape, definitely yes. It was a revolutionary match that wouldn’t be commonplace for at least a decade.

Time of match: A heavily edited 6:58

Winner: The Cobra by pinfall (New Junior Heavyweight champion)

We go from a great junior heavyweight match to one of the most infamous skits in professional wrestling history. Somehow Hulk Hogan decided on “Mean” Gene Okerlund to be his tag team partner in a match against George “The Animal” Steele and Mr.Fuji. Instead of just having the match, we now are forced to sit through their training segments. We begin with a graphic showing its Day 1. Mean Gene is sitting at his kitchen table smoking a cigar and reading the paper as Hulk barges in and yells at him. Gene whines and says its 5 in the morning but Hogan rips the cigar and cup of coffee out of Gene’s mouth. Gene says he’s going to have bacon, eggs and pancakes for breakfast and Hogan will have none of it. Hogan then cracks 3 raw eggs into a glass for Gene and then one glass for himself. Hogan says they’re going to do this every 2 hours while in training. For some reason they edit out Gene actually drinking the eggs but anyway, he’s ready to go. Now we cut to Hogan and Gene running around one of the Minnesota lakes as fans legitimately cheer them on. Hogan doesn’t appear to be winded at all while Okerlund looks ready for a stretcher. Hogan is wearing his Hulkamania t-shirt and red jogging shorts, Gene is wearing the same only his shirt has sleeves on it. Hulk is barely breaking a sweat as they run around the lake but Gene struggles. Now Gene and Hulk are running through the streets of Minneapolis except now Hogan is wearing blue spandex pants and Gene as a blue hat with visor and a blue/white t-shirt. Gene stops for a beer and a braut but Hogan stops him and says get back to work. Ok, have to admit THAT part was funny. We get a graphic saying its Day 2 and Gene and Hulk are now hanging around the Olympia Gym. Mean gene is wearing a sleeveless black shirt that says Hulk-A-Mania while Hogan is wearing a red sleeveless shirt that says Mean Gene-O-Mania. Gene doubts himself but Hogan gives him a pep talk before working out. The Olympia Gym was a legitimate gym located at 2604 Lyndale Avenue in Minneapolis. Gene and Hulk work out to the Coliseum Video opening theme as several gym patrons cheer them on. We get a graphic saying Day 3 as Gene is back in his kitchen reading the paper in a blue bathrobe when Hulk barges in again. Apparently its 6 AM and time to train, you’d think Gene would have put locks on his doors at this point. Today Hulk and Gene are running up the steps of an empty arena. Hulk in just red shorts and Gene in red shorts and a white t-shirt. Hulk carries Gene on his shoulders up the stairs and says Gene is next much to Gene’s dismay. Now we see Gene struggling to go up the stairs with Hogan on his back. If you were taking this out of context, with Gene’s repeated cries “Oh, Hulk. Oh, Hulk”  you’d think this would be REALLY gay. Now we get a graphic for Day 4 and Hulk is making Gene wheelbarrow up the steps with Hulk saying Gene-O-Mania is running wild. Finally Gene makes it all the way up the stairs and says “Hulk, we got it!” They look out over Minnesota and it’s a nice view actually. As the theme blares again, Hulk and Gene run up the steps of the state capitol in perfect rhythm and Gene jumps into Hogan’s arms. Gene thanks a bunch of people but most likely due to legal reasons, he’s edited out and he says they’re ready for Fuji and Steele at the Met Center. Now that we’ve survived this, let’s get to the actual match.

Match 7

George “The Animal” Steele and Mr. Fuji vs “Mean” Gene Okerlund and Hulk Hogan

Commentator: Vince McMahon

August 26, 1984 was the epic showdown between Hulk and Gene against Steele and Fuji. After Okerlund and Hogan’s quasi-homosexual training sessions, let’s hope this match is short and sweet. We’re at the Met Center in Minneapolis, MN which is pretty much a homecoming for Hulk and Gene since they both came from the AWA. Hogan enters wearing the blue tights and Mean Gene-O-Mania t-shirt while Okerlund enters with black tights and Hulk-A-Mania on his t-shirt. Gene is also carrying Hogan’s belt, isn’t that nice of him? Hogan rips Okerlund’s shirt off and he looks ridiculous. Actually now that I think about it, Mr. Fuji was 49 years old, Steele was 47 and Okerlund was 41. Hogan had just turned 31 fifteen days earlier meaning he’s technically in his prime. Hogan and Fuji start and Fuji gets the upperhand in the corner with chops. Hogan ducks under one, slugs Fuji, sends him off the corner and hiptosses him. Fuji charges and Hogan scoop slams him. Fuji scrambles for the tag and Steele tries to intimidate Hulk with his signature taunt, only for Hogan to turn around and tell Steele to kiss his ass. We get a TAPE EDIT and now Hogan is down with Steele stalking him. Steele pounds away on the Hulkster but Hogan Hulks Up quickly and floors both George and an interfering Fuji. Many fans can (and should) make fun of Hogan for wrestling too long past his prime but back in 1984 Hulk really did rule. His offense was crisp, his Hulk Up’s weren’t routine and his promos weren’t cliché. Hogan follows the heels to the floor and drops both of them then struts in the ring. Okerlund stomps on Fuji’s hand for good measure. Hogan high fives Okerlund excessively and the referee constitutes that as a tag. This means, oh yes, Okerlund now has to wrestle Steele. D’OH! Hogan protests brother but the ref will have none of it and orders Okerlund in the ring. Steele taunts Gene then backs him into the corner. George charges but Gene crawls under his legs and makes the tag to Hulk. Steele begs off and Hulk bashes him into the corner. He grabs Fuji and rams his and Steele’s heads together.  We get a TAPE EDIT and now Fuji is in the ring getting clobbered. Hulk atomic drops Steele as Fuji reaches into his tights for salt. Gene, from the apron, knocks the salt from Fuji’s hand. Hogan whips Fuji off into the knee of Okerlund, dropping Fuji. Hogan tags in Mean Gene and picks him up from outside and slams him on top of Fuji. Hogan from the outside puts his hand directly on Okerlund’s ass as the ref counts 1…2..3 and this fiasco is over. Jesse “The Body” Ventura comes out of nowhere to protest as Hogan and Okerlund clean house of Fuji and Steele. Okerlund jumps into Hogan’s arms and they do many questionable high fives. They pose for the crowd as the segment ends. Was this deserving to be on the tape, unfortunately yes. This was one of the most talked about segment/matches for years and years good or bad. If people are still talking about it, its legendary.

Time of match: Who gives a damn?

Winners: Hogan and Okerlund by pinfall

We now cut to the set-up match for one of the hottest pre-Hulkamania angles WWWF did during the final years of Vince Sr.

Match 8

Larry Zybysko vs “Living Legend” Bruno Sammartino

Commentator: Vince McMahon

This was billed as teacher vs student as Bruno had actually trained Larry in the early 70’s. This match was on January 22, 1980 in Allentown, PA and the 28 year old Larry tries to best his 44 year old mentor. Zybysko has red tights and a full head of blonde hair while Bruno enters wearing the blue tights with a full head of hair as well. They tie up twice and both times Bruno backs Larry into the ropes but breaks clean. Zybysko nearly catches Bruno with an outside shot but Bruno avoids it. Zybysko executes a nice go-behind but Bruno switches. Zybysko tries a standing switch then a sit-out but Bruno’s wrist control is too strong. Bruno releases the hold and Zybysko looks at him as if to say “What did you do that for?” Bruno gets a side headlock but Larry tosses him off the ropes then delivers a hiptoss. Larry covers for a deuce and Bruno powers out of it. Larry applies a headlock then floors Bruno with a shoulderblock. Zybysko runs off the ropes but right into a drop-toe-hold by Sammartino. Larry scoop slams Bruno then covers for a loud 2 count. Bruno counters with his own scoop slam and Larry gets up frustrated. Larry tries a got behind but Bruno catches the wrist and begins fighting it off. Bruno goes for a side wrist-lock but Zybysko alertly turns it into an abdominal stretch. Bruno hiptosses Larry after a bit and Vince speculates that Zybysko is angry at himself….not exactly. Zybysko catches Bruno with another scoop slam and covers for another near-fall. Zybsyko picks the near ankle and turns it into a half crab. Bruno squirms loose then drops Zybysko with a toe hold, only to release it. The crowd applauds the chain of events before Bruno applies a top wristlock but releases the hold when Zybysko struggles. Larry doesn’t like it but ties up again only to get headlocked. They criss cross and Larry goes for another hiptoss but this time Bruno counters with one of his own. Larry pounds the mat in frustration and looks up at his mentor with a look of disdain. They circle and Larry gets a side headlock then drops Bruno with a shoulderblock. Zybysko tries to garner momentum only to run right into a bear-hug. Zybysko screams out so Bruno lets him go. Zybysko gets even more frustrated at Bruno for showing mercy and Bruno looks at him confused. Larry ducks under a forearm to apply a hammerlock. Bruno looks to escape but his switch ends up dropping Larry through the ropes to the outside. Bruno holds the ropes for Larry but Zybysko catches him with a knee to the gut on his way back in the ring. Larry pounds away with forearms to the back then stomps to the chest. Larry rams Bruno’s head into the turnbuckle as the crowd begins booing the dastardly tactics. Larry goes outside and grabs a wooden chair as Vince freaks out. The ref tries to stop him but Larry throws him through the ropes to the outside to earn the DQ. Larry then whacks Bruno in the head with the chair and Sammartino blades…really badly. By badly as in he’s bleeding all over the ring. Zybysko hits him twice more and then throws the chair down in frustration. He leaves to a chorus of boos as the ref tends to the bloody mess left behind. This was the start of a red hot feud that would last throughout most of 1980. The match itself was classic storytelling that’s lost on most of today’s braindead fans. Modern day fans expect spotfests and 20 minutes of posing but what I just saw was very entertaining without spots and posing. Does this belong on this tape? Yes only because it set up the next match.

Time of match: 9:16

Winner: Bruno Sammartino by DQ

Before we go to the final match of the tape, we go to Bruno’s “weigh-in” for the “Showdown at Shea”. Back then the WWWF still tried to look somewhat legit by having weigh-ins and Bruno enters wearing blue tights and flip flops.  Vince is wearing a horrific yellow polyester jacket and green pants. I know it was 1980 but gadzooks! Vince interviews Bruno saying both he and Larry are in terrific shape although Bruno says he’s going to destroy Zybysko. Vince asks him about the upcoming cage match and Bruno says he’s going to win. I didn’t notice at first but Kerry at thewrestlingfan.com pointed out that doctor in the ring was George Zahorian. Dr Z was the doctor that supplied nearly every wrestler in the 80’s and early 90’s with steroids. Now let’s get to the main event of the tape.

Match 9

Larry Zybysko vs “Living Legend” Bruno Sammartino (with Arnold Skaaland) in a Steel Cage Match

Commentator: Vince McMahon

The “Showdown at Shea” which drew over 36,000 fans to Shea Stadium occurred on August 9, 1980. Larry’s heel turn and subsequent bloodying of Bruno was the talk of the wrestling world in 1980. Freddie Blassie, Captain Lou and Grand Wizard all made pitches for Larry to join their stables but Larry turned them all down, he wanted to destroy Bruno and he wanted to do it alone. This would never happen now but after the beat-down of Bruno, fans destroyed Larry’s car, turned over taxis he was riding in, stabbing him in the ass and nailed with an iron pipe. That’s how legitimate WWWF used to be. Larry and Bruno would work matches and fans believed them to be real as opposed to now where morons on the independent circuit hurt each other for real and nobody cares. Bruno enters the cage wearing the blue tights with Larry in the red. Larry attacks as Bruno attempts to enter the cage but a boot to the mid-section sends Zybysko flying. Bruno boots his former pupil in the head then rams him right into the cage. Bruno sends him crashing, head first into the cage again then puts the boots to him. Bruno caters to the crowd as we get a TAPE EDIT although Bruno is still stomping away on Larry. Bruno chokes Larry on the second rope then rakes his face across the cage. At this point the camera pauses on this image even though action is still going on with Vince calling it. Once the production crew wakes up, Larry punches Bruno in the nads.  Bruno crawls around as Larry goes to escape the cage. He gets halfway out before a lunging Bruno pulls him back in. Now it’s Larry’s turn to throw Bruno face first into the cage. We get another TAPE EDIT and when we resume Larry rams Bruno’s head into the cage once again. Bruno sells a left arm injury as Larry looks to escape over the top. Sammartino pulls him off the top with his one good arm (and THIS is why you don’t edit matches. I have no idea why Bruno’s selling an arm injury because the edited match hasn’t shown any arm moves). ANOTHER TAPE EDIT has Larry dropping Sammartino with a right hand. Bruno ducks under a right hand, goes behind and delivers a knee to the hamstrings. Another TAPE EDIT shows Bruno choking out Larry. Zybysko goes upstairs but Sammartino catches him and slams him in the center of the ring. We get another TAPE EDIT (way too many) and now Bruno is clutching his right arm as Larry taunts him. Camera zooms in to show Bruno’s arm is badly lacerated. Larry batters Bruno in the corner then goes to escape. Vince says Larry would be “The New Living Legend” if he escapes. Well he didn’t escape as Bruno stops him last second but he would bill himself as “Living Legend” Larry Zybysko throughout his entire 90’s WCW run. Zybysko goes to attack Bruno in the corner when we get yet another TAPE EDIT. I’ve had about enough of this really. Bruno drags Larry through the ropes and rams him into the ringpost. Another TAPE EDIT has me throwing my hands up as Bruno throws Larry against the cage. Bruno throws the bloody Zybysko over the top rope into the cage, grabs him then throws him into the other side of the cage. Zybysko is out of it as Bruno calls for the cage to be opened. Zybysko staggers to his feet and Bruno gestures at Larry saying “The hell with you” and walks out the door. Bruno wins it as the ref raises his left arm. Arnold Skaaland goes to raise Bruno’s right which causes him to cry out in pain, either he’s really hurt or a terrific seller. A lost art today. Larry protests and staggers out of the cage pointing at him. Larry walks toward Bruno and stares at him before Bruno whacks him in the face twice. Larry raises Bruno’s arm as a sign of respect but Bruno pulls it down and walks away. Larry was going for the slow, face turn but Bruno was not in a forgiving mood. Overall this one of the best drawing angles the WWWF ever did and it was capped off correctly with the babyface brutalizing the heel in a cage. As it stands, this was the beginning of the end for Bruno. Zybysko would leave the company shortly after to wrestle for Georgia Championship Wrestling and Bruno settled into a semi-retirement. Oh and one last thing, Hogan takes credit in his autobiography that he and Andre were the reason for the sold out crowd at Shea. Once again his egotism gets in the way of reality. Hogan was just a heel back then, Andre could have wrestled “Crazy” Luke Graham and it wouldn’t have made a difference. Bruno and Larry were THE talk of the wrestling world in 1980 with house shows and mega-cards being sold out with them headlining. Bruno and Larry were the main event for a reason and THEY drew the house despite what the almighty Hulkster claims. Does this match belong on this tape, HELL YES!

Time of match: A heavily edited 6:51 (real time was 15:10)

Winner: Bruno Sammartino

That’s it for the tape as we get the orchestral end credits. Once again the message that the matches were edited for entertainment purposes appears. I don’t know why they did that, they had a full 2 hours on the cassette and this didn’t even top 90 minutes. They could have shown the Bruno/Larry cage in its entirety and still had room. After the credits we get a sneak preview for BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 2, ANDRE THE GIANT and MOST UNUSUAL MATCHES. As for this tape, now THAT’S more like it. This was supposed to be the “best” of what they had to offer and that’s exactly what they delivered. Every angle and match was legendary either good or bad and some of them were huge draws such as Piper/Snuka and Zybysko/Sammartino. I give it 4 stars out of 5 and it would have been 5 out of 5 but the edits were too much, too many things were cut out. The next tape after this is the first WRESTLEMANIA.

Hulkamania 1 (WF002)

WWF HULKAMANIA (WF002)

The World Wrestling Federation made their home video debut with the experimental BLOOPERS, BLEEPS AND BODYSLAMS and this would be their follow up, a personal profile centered around their superstar champion Hulk Hogan. I’m unsure of the actual release date but I’ll take a guess and say February 1985. WRESTLEMANIA was the 4^th tape released and that wasn’t until April 85 most likely so this being the 2^nd tape, I’ll say February. Future tapes would center on top current action but this would be the first of many “profile” tapes and who better than your number one draw? Love him or hate him, Hogan was the top star and number one money maker so putting him on home video was a no brainer. Is the tape worth to watch though? That’s what I’m here to find out. As with the first tape, we get the opening Coliseum Video montage before Vince McMahon himself in a navy blue suit takes over to shill the action. We get a quick montage before being sent to the first match.

 

Match 1

Greg “The Hammer” Valentine vs Hulk Hogan for the WWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentator: Gorilla Monsoon

 Despite being groomed for the Intercontinental championship, Valentine goes for the big one at the Philadelphia Spectrum on August 4, 1984. Hogan does a voice-over before the match saying he was terrified of the figure-four. Valentine enters with the blue robe and black tights. Hogan wears the white t-shirt and tights. Ring announcer Mel Phillips is wearing one of the most ridiculous suits I’ve ever seen. Monsoon keeps referring to Valentine as the IC champ, which he was at the time of tape production but not during the actual match. Valentine starts with forearms and goes to ram Hogan’s head into the buckle but is blocked. Hogan rams Greg’s head then throws a series of jabs before Greg flops down. Hogan fires up the crowd before Greg regains his composure and calls for a test of strength. Hogan falls for it and is met with a knee to the gut that drops the champ. Greg works over Hulk in the corner with a series of knee drops before applying a reverse chinlock that Hogan barely sells. Hogan then gets up with Hammer on his back and falls backwards into the corner. Monsoon “That’s one way to get out of it.” Hogan delivers a headbutt then throws him into the corner where he nails him with a back elbow smash. Greg bails to regroup but Hogan follows him then continues to beat em’ up outside. Hogan throws Greg back inside who goes to town on Hulk as soon as the champ gets back in. Valentine scales the second rope then drives a forearm to the head. Valentine drops and elbow and covers for a 2 count. Valentine unloads on Hogan with fists, boots then a scoop slam. Valentine locks in a submission hold as Monsoon brings up the last time the title changed hands at the Spectrum was when Stan Stasiak defeated Pedro Morales. Greg continues to work over the legs to weaken him for the figure four. Valentine drags Hogan to the near side of the ring, bails, grabs a chair and hits Hulk in the knee with it. The ref does NOT call for the bell and Hammer goes back in. Hogan trips up Valentine to delay the figure four and starts Hulking Up when Valentine starts unloading with forearms. Hogan does 2 punches then sends Greg off for a big clothesline…hmm, that’s different. Valentine scoots to the apron but Hogan will have none of that as he suplexes him back in. The camera pans to the crowd where a big breasted Hogan fan jumps up and down. Can’t go wrong there. There’s an obvious TAPE EDIT that ruins the length of the match but whatever. Hogan delivers an atomic drop then taunts Hammer, but the send off eats a forearm to the back of the head. Hammer drops a series of elbows and forearms but a blatant choke gets  a “Hogan” chant from the partisan crowd. Another TAPE EDIT shows Valentine continuing to pummel Hulk with elbows. Greg goes upstairs but Hogan catches him and slams him off the top rope (which is one of the scenes in the opening Coliseum Video montage). Unfazed, Greg goes back to work on the left leg but Hogan blocks the figure four attempt. Valentine misses with an elbow drop as Hogan “Hulks Up” quickly. Hogan drops Valentine with a clothesline then drops the big leg. The cover gets 1…2…3 and it’s over, Hulk retains. After a brief celebration, Valentine motions that he’s ready for round 2. Valentine throws the referee into Hogan and grabs the title belt. Hogan actually throws the ref out of the way where he sails through the ropes and to the outside, what a humanitarian. Hogan grabs Valentine in a bear hug and beats on him in the corner. Valentine bails for good as Mel Phillips attends to the ref outside. For 1984 ring work, that’s pretty good. No complaints here, the tape edits kept the match flowing.

 

Time of Match: An unofficial 8:46

Winner: Hulk Hogan by pinfall (Still WWF Champion)

 

We head right to the next match.

 

Match 2

“Big” John Studd (with Bobby “The Brain” Heenan) vs Hulk Hogan for the WWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Howard Finkel (yes, HIM)

    Hogan does a voice over before the match saying he didn’t know if he could slam the big man going in but blows the ending of the match saying Studd went up like a feather. We’re at the Brendan Byrne Arena (wasn’t named Continental Airlines for another 12 years) in East Rutherford, NJ on December 10, 1984 for this one. The ring announcer is Gary Michael Cappetta who actually would leave later the following year for a near decade stint in NWA/WCW. Hogan enters last wearing the yellow trunks as the graphic on the screen says “weight 364 lbs”…yeah right. The crowd explodes as referee Dick Woehrle tries in vain to get the two in neutral corners. Bells gone and they circle as Howard gets The Brain to explain if the 15 grand is on the line. Heenan “So far that money is still drawing interest!” So it’s a standard match but Hogan gets a 15 thousand dollar bonus if he slams Studd, got it. After about a minute they tie up and Studd goes to slam Hogan but is blocked. Hogan then tries to slam Studd but is also blocked. Heenan shouts advice to Studd but Hogan kicks at him to go away. Finkel “Heenan can make life miserable for Hulk Hogan”. Studd gets the upper hand with forearms to the back. A shoulderblock does nothing and they each fail to slam each other. Hogan ducks under an elbow smash attempt and clocks John with one. A series of jabs rocks the big guy before sending him off for the BIG BOOT…which barely fazes Studd. John blocks a bodyslam attempt and pounds away in the corner with forearms. Hogan blocks a whip so the champ rallies with right hands. A running clothesline dazes Studd and a body-slam attempt nearly works but Studd powers out last second. Hogan reverses a whip with a running clothesline in the corner. Another slam attempt nearly gets him but Studd makes it to the apron. The action spills outside where Studd rams Hulk’s head into Fink and Monsoon’s table. Yes, those two are actually there so this is no re-dub. Studd rams Hulk’s head into the ring post before sliding in to break the count. Hogan is busted open as Studd goes back to work outside, throwing Hogan into the steel guardrail. A “Hogan” chant breaks out as Studd floors Hogan with a forearm to the chest. Studd rolls Hulk back in then goes upstairs. Studd nails Hogan with a forearm to the back from off the top. Studd floors Hogan with an elbow smash. Studd goes for the cover but only gets 2. We get a TAPE EDIT and when we resume, Studd scoop slams Hogan then boots him through the ropes to the outside. Studd continues to kick away at Hogan’s attempts to get back in the ring until Hulk pulls John outside. Studd pounds on Hogan outside the ring until he Hulks Up on the floor. Hogan slams Studd and rolls back in as Woehrle completes the count. Hogan doesn’t get the 15 grand because the slam wasn’t done in the ring but he wins the match. After the match, Hogan goes to slam Woehrle but sets him down last second.

 

Time of Match:  An unofficial 7:52

Winner: Hulk Hogan by count-out (Still WWF Champion)

 

Now we go to the famous TNT skit where Hogan makes a protein shake. I covered a bit of it on BLOOPERS, BLEEPS AND BODYSLAMS but I guess I have to go into full detail for this tape. Vince is wearing his pink herringbone suit while Alfred Hays has an impeccable bow-tie. Hogan talks about legit nutritional stuff like sugar energy burning too quick which means you need better stuff while training or wrestling. Hulk says he’s going to show his “Python Powder” which will turn Vince’s “garden snakes” into pythons. Hulk says to start out with spring water because “milk is for babies”. Then add in the powder. Idiot Hulk turns the blender on without the top on yet and it damn near explodes all over Alfred. He throws in a peach, a banana, some strawberries, 3 eggs (which he says you don’t need to crack it because the calcium is in the shell) one more spoonful of powder and a bit more spring water. Other than the mysterious powder, everything else is legitimate. He then pulls out a bag of pills that will “get Awful Alfred back into shape”. He pours his concoction for Alfred, Vince and himself and even McMahon is skeptical, asking Hogan if he’s gonna take all 12 pills. Hogan says you should talk all those vitamins first thing in the morning so you’re raring to go the rest of the day (normal vitamins yes, but I don’t want to know what he’s packing). Hogan takes a giant swig and downs all 12 pills “Not too bad” he says. Now it’s Alfred’s turn but he chickens out so Vince takes a swig instead. His face brightens up “That’s actually very good.” Hogan rants that if you train, take vitamins yadda yadda then he’s not responsible for your clothes ripping due to the increased muscle mass. He then makes fun of Vince’s pink suit as Vince is delighted to try the pills. In a shoot interview, Sunny claims Vince never had his talent do anything that he himself wouldn’t try so if Hogan’s not dropping dead, I doubt Vince will either. Unlike Hogan, Vince can’t swig all the pills in one gulp. Finally, Hogan demands Alfred try it. He takes a swig then goes to throw up. I’d say it was usual Hogan ballyhoo but there were some legitimate nutritional facts thrown in there, plus anytime Alfred’s in peril is always funny. On to the next one.

 

Match 3

“Dr. D” David Schultz vs Hulk Hogan for the WWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and “Mean” Gene Okerlund

 Dr. D was the perfect heel for the time period but his attitude was unfortunately not very professional, which I’ll get to later. Hogan does a voice over calling him an arrogant redneck before the action starts. We’re at the badly lit Met Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota on June 17, 1984 for this one. Hogan dons the blue tights and poses for 3 minutes BEFORE THE MATCH. They go nose to nose at the opening bell and Hogans shouts invectives at him. D turns and walks away so Hogan does the same, PEARL HARBOR JOB by Schultz! Okerlund scoffs as D pounds away on Hogan in the corner. D chokes Hulk with Hogan’s own headband before clotheslining him with it. A cover gets 2 and he goes back to choking him with the band. Monsoon asks why the ref hasn’t grabbed the thing yet and right on cue, the ref does. Dr D covers but gets a 2. Up to the second rope goes D and he delivers a forearm smash. Schultz rams Hogan into the corner and goes to town, choking Hulk on the top rope. Maybe its just the lighting but Schultz looks exactly like Jeff Jarrett just with curly hair and the Andre half singlet. A forearm to the head drops Hogan through the ropes and to the outside. Dr. D grabs a chair and rams him in the head with it. Hogan is busted open and referee Joey Marella does absolutely nothing. Damn, refs were a lot more lenient in the 80’s than they were in the 90’s. Dr D stomps Hogan as he tries to enter and Hulk continues to bleed all over the floor. Back inside Schultz continues to stomp away before biting the open wound, Blassie would be proud. Schultz goes up to the second rope and drops an elbow. Monsoon says that was one of his trademark moves. Who does he think he is, Randy Savage? Actually, Schultz and Savage were tag team partners in Memphis before Vince stole Schultz. Well, Vince stole Randy (and Lanny to boot) too but Schultz went first. Schultz takes forever to cover but when he does, 1….2..HULK UP. Hogan no sells D’s offense then rakes the eyes (because he’s such a role model) and gets in his 3 punches plus a blatant choke for good measure. After a TAPE EDIT Hogan hits a running clothesline and the big…elbow. The cover gets 2 and Hogan pulls D up for more punishment. Hogan delivers some punches and scoop slams D. Hogan drops the leg and covers 1…2…..nope, he pulls Schultz up again. Hogan throws Schultz through the ropes and to the outside. Hogan then rams Schultz into the steel ring post. Now D is busted wide open as we get another TAPE EDIT. Back to live action Schultz counters a whip with a running clothesline. A forearm by D drops the champ then he goes upstairs. The flying elbow misses and Hogan gets up….only to have the action cut in favor of a slow motion replay of the elbow missing. What the hell was that about? Anyway, another Hulk Up leads to a running clothesline. The cover gets 1…2…3 and its over. Sheesh, couldn’t even take the leg drop? Hogan celebrates but Schultz nails him from behind. Schultz nails Hulk with the belt then puts it on his own waist.Hogan comes to, rakes the eyes then punches D down. Schultz bails and Hogan celebrates again. Okerlund leaves the announce booth to announce Hogan the winner. Where was Howard Finkel, in the bathroom? As I was saying earlier, Dr. D was one of the top heels on the roster but on December 28, 1984 he was suspended for attacking 20/20 reporter John Stossel. Stossel was at Madison Square Garden to do a story on “Is wrestling fake?” To which ol Schultz came over and started whacking him around asking him “Is THAT fake?”  between blows. I understand Schultz trying to protect the business but smacking someone around isn’t the way to do it. Hell 13 years later Vader was arrested in Kuwait for doing almost the same thing to a daytime TV host. Schultz was suspended but wasn’t fired, but he eventually did get fired for threatening Mr. T. The word on the street was he wanted to steal the Wrestlemania main event away from Roddy Piper but after Schultz cost Vince $425,000 in a lawsuit settlement with Stossel, McMahon cut his losses and let Dr. D go before Mr. T sued him too. Schultz was a great heel but he just didn’t know when to stop.

 

Time of match: An unofficial 8:57

Winner: Hulk Hogan by pinfall

 

No cutscenes, on to the next bout.

 

Match 4

“Big” John Studd vs Hulk Hogan in a Steel Cage Match for the WWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon

     Howard Finkel calls this a “return bout” yet it’s from April 6, 1984 while the slam match earlier on the tape was 8 months later in December. We’re at the Kiel Auditorium in St. Louis, deep in the heart of NWA territory. Guys like Sam Mushnick must have thought Vince Jr was nuts to promote there but there’s a damn good turnout for this event. Studd enters by himself which means he wasn’t managed by Heenan yet as Hogan’s pre-match voiceover says he got sick of back and forth insults and decided to settle it inside a cage. Hogan comes out wearing the blue trunks and we don’t even get a stare down, we automatically TAPE EDIT to where the ring is loaded with garbage and Studd rams Hogan into the cage. Hogan is busted open for the third match in a row on this tape. Studd drops an elbow then crawls for the door but Hogan stops him last second. Hogan pulls him back inside and we get another TAPE EDIT. Hogan picks up Studd and rams Studd into the cage which busts Studd open then we get ANOTHER TAPE EDIT to Hogan ramming Studd chest first into the corner. A charging Hogan eats clothesline and Studd crawls for the door. Hogan catches him and pounds on him with right hands. Studd floors the champ with an elbow. Studd goes to the second rope and drops another forearm to the back. Studd goes for the door but collapses on the way. Studd squirms over but Hogan stops him in time. Studd rakes the eyes and sends him crashing into the cage. Studd staggers around as Monsoon says he can’t see with the blood in his eyes. Studd goes to climb the cage but Hulk stops him with fists. They trade blows but an eye rake stops the Hulkster. Hogan reverses a whip and sends Studd smashing into the cage. Hogan drops the big leg as Monsoon calls it “the big knee” by accident. Hulk crawls for the door but Studd stops him, Hogan boots John in the face then makes it out the door onto the floor to win the match. The partisan crowd goes wild as Studd wants more on the outside. They brawl but Hogan gets the upper hand. Well that was…different. They edited the living daylights out of it to keep the action moving but they left out too much action. Guess due to time constraints they had to cut all the matches short.

 

Time of match: A heavily edited 5:48

Winner: Hulk Hogan

 

We know go to an exclusive interview with Hogan for this specific tape conducted by Vince himself. Hogan is wearing a t-shirt with his own image on it while Vince ditches the herringbone suit for a normal blue suit coat. Vince asks Hulkster why he got into wrestling. He claims he was the greatest wrestling fan ever before he became the greatest wrestler ever (wow, no egotism there huh?) and he loves the 1 on 1 contact. Vince asks him what’s his attitude on training and Hulk calls him Mr. McMahon, 14 years too soon on that one. Hulk says positive thoughts, good food, good workouts, good sleep and the vitamins, etc yadda yadda. He does have a point saying when someone quits smoking and drinking then looks at themselves in the mirror they’ll see a change for the better. Vince asks him when wrestling became the profession of his life and Hogan gives a half-cockamamie story on when he was a little kid his father took him to see wrestling and he loves it, the truth is he became a fan at the age of 16 when he saw Dusty Rhodes at the Tampa Sportatorium in Eddie Graham’s Championship Wrestling from Florida. Later “Superstar” Billy Graham came to Florida and Hogan wanted to look as built as Billy did. Vince takes it a step further and asks if any one person influenced him the most and Hogan gives the kayfabed answer of Andre the Giant when, like I said, the REAL inspiration was the Superstar. Hogan hypes up Andre as the greatest thing since sliced bread. Vince asks if Hulk still has butterflies in his stomach before going to the ring, Hulk answers sometimes. He doesn’t want to let the little Hulksters down and he fears no man or evil. We then cut to the final match on the tape. Final count: Man – 2, Dude – 1, Brother – 0, Jack -0 so if you had the under you win. As expected, we’re treated to the explosion of Hulkamania into the mainstream by showing us the match with Iron Sheik. To give a bit of backstory, Hogan left Vince McMachon Sr’s WWWF to do the movie Rocky 3 in 1980 and Vince wouldn’t let him come back after he was done. Desperate for a job, he turned to Verne Gagne’s AWA where he made his debut in 1981 to thunderous cheers despite being a heel. Fans were so desperate for something new they cheered the heel. Soon, Hulkamania was born. From 1981 to 1983 Hogan ruled the AWA despite never being champion. He was due to win the title but egotism got in the way. Hogan was making extra money by working in Japan and selling merchandise, something new at the time. His “Hulk Rules” t-shirt was a big seller in Minnesota. Like a lot of old time promoters, Verne wanted a piece of the action and demanded Hogan give up a portion of his Japanese income. Hulk rightfully refused and Hulk was also displeased when Verne sold a bunch of Hogan t-shirts without giving Hulk his cut. In December of 83, Hogan was scheduled to win the AWA title from Nick Bockwinkel but he was growing increasingly unhappy with how Verne ran things. Enter Vince McMahon Jr, the new kid in town. Vince bought the company from his father, renamed it the WWF and wanted to go national. In the territorial era of wrestling, promoters never promoted in rival territories although they would exchange talent here and there. Vince said the hell with that and decided to promote shows wherever the hell he wanted. Simply booking shows in places like Nashville is one thing, doing so without the larger than life champion was a different story. He needed a larger than life star in order to go national. He had Andre the Giant but Andre was 37 years old in 1983 plus his giantism was beginning to affect his mobility. Vince then got wind that Hogan was unhappy in the AWA. Hulkamania had been running wild in the AWA but this was before Verne got on ESPN so Hogan wasn’t yet nationally known beyond Rocky 3. With Vince running Madison Square Garden and more importantly, New York City, Vince had the venue for Hulk’s star to shine brightest. After signing the Hulkster away from the AWA, now all Vince needed to do was put Hulkamania over. His current champion Bob Backlund was a great mat-based wrestler but he was about as exciting as last night’s toast. Vince wanted the title to be on Hogan but Backlund refused to job to someone without an amateur background. Not a problem Vince said, he asked if Bob was willing to put over the former 1971 AAU wrestling champion and member of the Iranian national team, Iron Sheik. Backlund said sure and was willing to drop it to him. On December 26, 1983, five year champion Bob Backlund was dethroned by Sheik. A week later Bob Backlund brought out Hulk Hogan on WWF television and put over Hulkster as the number 1 contender. There was one final bit of the story that was not revealed until years later. Verne Gagne was pissed beyond belief that Hogan would betray him and he called up his former protégé Sheik with a proposal; break Hogan’s leg and take the belt back to the AWA. It was Gagne who originally trained Sheik when he came over from Iran and Sheik actually helped train his son Greg. Sheik has done countless interviews saying he had to turn down Gagne because it was against his religion to bite the hand that fed him. In other words, Vince McMahon Jr had given Sheik the title and was paying him well, so it would be sacrilegious for Sheik to betray Vince. With Gagne out of the way, the rest is history.

 

Match 5

Hulk Hogan vs The Iron Sheik (with Ayatollah Blassie) for the WWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Pat Patterson

  The match that started it all, the true dawning of Hulkamania in the national spotlight. This match came about when Bob Backlund was dethroned on December 26, 1983 by the Sheik. Rather than get his deserved rematch, Backlund brought out old Freddie Blassie crony Hulk Hogan. Hogan said he had denounced Blassie and was totally reformed, his mission was to destroy the Sheik and bring the belt back to the good guys. On January 23, 1984 Hogan met Sheik for the title in Madison Square Garden. Hogan crosses himself on his way out to the ring and guess who’s holding the curtain for him, 69 year old Vince McMahon Sr, dying of pancreatic cancer but fighting it long enough to see Hulkamania take off. If you pause your tape/dvd/etc to see that image, it’s an iconic one. The changing of the guard if you will. The regional territory era of Vince Sr is going by the wayside as Hulkamania sweeps the nation. It’s a shame the old man died when he did, he would have loved to have seen some of the gigantic crowds his son was about to draw. Sheik’s got the red trunks on. Hogan’s wearing his standard yellow trunks and a red t-shirt that says American Made on the front and Hulk-A-Mania on the back. After the introductions, Sheik turns to take his ring gear off but Hulk PEARL HARBOR’S him because he’s such a role model. Hogan sends Sheik into the corner with his robe still on and delivers an elbow smash. Hulk strangles Sheik with his own robe then sends him off and clotheslines him with the robe. The ref finally gets the robe away from Hogan. Hulk unloads in the corner then delivers a running clothesline. Hulk drops a knee to the throat, rakes the eyes and chokes him over his head. Hogan spits at Sheik and delivers the big boot. Hulk covers but the referee takes forever to get over there and Sheik kicks out at 1. Hogan drops Sheik with a running elbow then drops another elbow. Patterson goes crazy but the cover only gets 2. Hogan whips Sheik into the corner but misses a charge. Sheik finally gets an offensive move in 3 minutes into the match by stomping away at the Hulk. Hulk staggers to his feet and Sheik executes a backbreaker. Sheik covers but Hogan powers out at 2. Sheik goes back to work with boots to the chest then “loads up the boot”. Another boot leads to a Boston crab applied by the Sheik. Monsoon scoffs at the referee for being out of position but Hogan powers out of the hold. Pat wonders when Sheik will go for the camel clutch as he delivers a well executed gut-wrench suplex on Hogan. Another cover 1…2 and no. Sheik goes back to the boots to the kidney then locks in the camel clutch. Patterson says no one’s ever broken the hold as Monsoon says this is what did in Backlund a month earlier. Monsoon “Only the immense power of the Hulk can save him!” Hogan begins to Hulk Up and soon powers his way to his knees. Hogan stands up with Sheik on his back and rams him back in the corner. Sheik falls like a dead deer in the center of the ring. The crowd goes wild and Hogan drops the big leg! The cover gets 1…2…3 AND WE GOT A NEW CHAMPION! Madison Square Garden goes crazy as Hulkamania takes over New York City. Monsoon “History made in Madison Square Garden! Hulkamania….is here.” He wasn’t kidding, folks. Hogan kisses the belt (the same won worn by Backlund a month earlier before Sheik won it) as Fink announces Hogan the winner and new champ. Now Vince had his larger than life champion and the road to dominance was about to begin.

 

Time of match: 5:34

Winner: Hulk Hogan by pinfall (new WWF Champion)

 

The tape ends here with the orchestral ending montage as the credits roll. An explanation for why the matches were drastically cut is here. “The wrestling matches on this cassette have been edited to maximize their entertainment. Careful preservation of the spirit and integrity of the matches has been maintained.” I don’t know how cutting them up as badly as they did made them more entertaining but it sure made the action flow. Just like with the first tape, we end with a preview for BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 2, ANDRE THE GIANT and MOST UNUSUAL MATCHES. I’ll get to those later. As for this, now that’s more like it. The tape was designed to feature Hogan in good matches and to showcase hot 1984 action. I mean Hogan was never a mat based wrestler so judging the tape from a technical standpoint is a waste of time. The crowd was hot and the action flowed, 3 stars out of 5. 2 points off because there was no Roddy Piper mentioned and the edits were too much. Next tape after this is BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 1 as we finally get to see some REAL action, not a collection of TNT skits and Hogan profiles.

Bloopers, Bleeps and Bodyslams (WF001)

WWF’s Bloopers, Bleeps and Bodyslams (WF001)

The one that started it all. Today there are nearly 700 tapes and DVD’s put out by WWF/E home video with material dating as far back as the 1960’s. Back in the 80’s VCR’s were sweeping the nation and Vince McMahon made the genius decision to capitalize on them by releasing a line of home videos, something new in wrestling. In 1985, he would release his product on both Betamax (think 8 tracks but for tapes) and VHS. The very first one was titled Bloopers, Bleeps and Bodyslams and it was more or less a compilation tape of all the silly stuff that the WWF was capable of. I am unsure of the actual release date but since most of the action is from 1984 and earlier plus the tape was released before the first Wrestlemania, I’d venture a guess to say early 1985. Before I continue, that seems pretty ballsy doesn’t it? You need to hit a home run in order for fans to continue to purchase your product, then instead of presenting blow away matches/hot feuds, you begin with TNT (Tuesday Night Titans) skits and goofy moments? Anyway let’s get to it. The tape opens with a really cool intro video that comprises of the history of coliseum wrestling (the Roman one that is) before showing highlights of modern day WWF action set to a cool brass (trumpets and trombones for non music fans reading this) theme.

Gorilla Monsoon welcomes us and shills the upcoming action. He even pokes fun at himself as they show an outtake of his opening speech plus play it backwards. Then we get a short clip where on Piper’s Pit, Roddy Piper asks to compare hands with Andre the Giant. Andre says sure and slaps him upside the head. Cut to a short clip of a 10 men tag match at the Philadelphia Spectrum where one team consists of Jimmy Snuka (in the ring), Andre, Rocky Johnson, Pedro Morales and Salvatore Bellomo against Don Muraco (in the ring), “Superstar” Billy Graham, “Playboy” Buddy Rose, Ray “Crippler” Stevens and Mr. Fuji. Snuka goes to town on Muraco before tagging in Morales, Morales floors Don with a forearm to the chest and revs up the crowd before tagging in Andre. Andre shoots Muraco in the ropes then delivers a big boot that sends Don over the top rope to the floor. Stevens and Rose come over to help him back in and once inside, Muraco locks in a headlock on the giant who gets sent off the ropes and runs into the huge posterior of Andre. Muraco sells it like he took a cannon shot to the ribs. Muraco staggers to his corner and puts his hand up, Rose refuses to tag in but Stevens reluctantly does. Even though this is a short segment, its always nice to see the original “crippler” in Stevens on a WWF tape no less. He made his name in the 70’s with the AWA as half of a great tag team with Nick Bockwinkel managed by a young Bobby Heenan. Turns out the segment ends right there,

We cut to one of my favorite segments of all-time, love advice from “Classy” Freddie Blassie on Tuesday Night Titans. Before I go any further let me explain what Tuesday Night Titans was. Most wrestling shows from that era, especially the territorial ones were one sided squash matches with an occasional main event tossed in there while hyping up some house show that was coming up that Friday or whatever. Vince thought that kind of shit put fans to sleep and decided to come up with something new. Basically he completely ripped off Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show by having himself in the Carson chair with Alfred Hays playing the role of Ed McMahon (no relation to Vince). Instead of presenting wrestling matches, the show featured WWF stars doing interviews, performing in skits and doing off the wall things not seen in wrestling before. Sure it was hokey and silly but it was also revolutionary because it added to the characters of all those involved, good or bad. As Ric Flair once said, Vince couldn’t match the NWA talent for talent so he had to match with larger than life characters such as Hulk Hogan, George “The Animal” Steele and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper. Back to the segment, Blassie admitted in his book he and Vince Jr used to ride together because they had a lot in common including love of fast cars and loud outfits. Here Vince is in a nice suit while Blassie is in his usual lavish pink suit. Vince “Freddie you’ve always been willing to help individuals with problems.” Freddie “A lot of pencil neck geeks around here have a lot of problems, I’ll guarantee you that.” The first letter comes from a woman who claims her husband pays no attention to her until after TNT is over (nice plug). Freddie “He doesn’t pay attention to her huh? Has the woman tried taking a bath? Has she used under arm deodorant? Has she shaved her armpits, her legs? Ya goofy broad that’s what ya gotta do!” Vince tries to say the problem is TNT and Freddie counters “Maybe the sheets are dirty.” Next question has a woman that complains that her husband is performing moves on her after watching WWF. Do Not Try This At Home didn’t debut for over a decade so fans had carte blanche to do what they wanted back then. Vince “His superfly Snuka leap off the top of the dresser is too much.” At this point Freddie, Vince and the cameraman all break character briefly to laugh at the hilariousness of that statement. “What about practicing holds on her, Mr. Blassie?” Freddie “Oh yeah, my second wife I used to practice strangleholds on her all the time.” Vince starts laughing for real. Freddie “Some of these broads need to be kicked around.” He spits on the floor as Vince tries to go back in babyface announcer mode “Mr Blassie please.” Freddie “Ya know I used to write a column for Hollywood News Gazette! I taught that dear Aby (he says A-Bee) and Ann Flanders! Don’t ya know anything?” Next letter Vince laughs as he reads a 60 year old woman has limited experience with men but has nice legs, a firm waist and a burning desire to date a wrestler. Vince asks Freddie if he has any suggestions on who to date buts cuts him off saying she’s 60. Freddie was no stranger to women at his advancing age so he says age doesn’t matter. Vince asks him if he has any wrestlers in mind willing to date a 60 year old and Blassie lists Sgt Slaughter, Tito Santana, Hulk Hogan and Tonga Kid. Vince scoffs saying Tonga Kid is only 18 years old and Blassie’s response “Good, he’s got a lot of life in him. It’ll be good for the old lady!” The camera man starts laughing again as the segment ends right there. I could watch those two in that capacity all day but its time to move on.

Monsoon rejoins us for a vanity segment, huh? Monsoon talks about hair loss and how it affects wrestlers. We cut to a squash match where “Iron” Mike Sharpe (with Lou Albano outside) beats on jobber Steve Grey. Sharpe grabs Grey by the hair and rams his head on the buckle which such force, Grey’s hair falls off. He was wearing a toupee inside the ring, smart huh? Sharpe throws Grey to the outside and taunts him with his own hairpiece as the segment ends there before Captain Lou has a chance to pound on the poor, bald jobber.

Next we go to a TNT segment where Freddie Blassie tries to hype up Tiger Chung Lee as a badass by having him break breaks with karate chops. Only problem is Lee can’t break anything. Vince turns his back and laughs as even Blassie tries to save face by uttering gibberish (he claimed in his book that back then managers had to at least pretend they knew the language of their wrestler) as Lee continues to struggle to break the bricks. Monsoon claims he bought the bricks himself and had them loaded with steel but the fact was Lee was exposed as a fraud on national television. No wonder he didn’t last.

Next up is Captain Lou Albano. Monsoon refers to him as the greatest walking advertisement for birth control. We go to a segment on TNT where Vince is wearing a piss-yellow suit while Lou rants and raves in his Hawaiian shirt. Lou claims he’s got an IQ of 901.73. At this point I realize if I quote everything this review will take forever so from here on I’ll quote only the funniest while giving a brief synopsis of the segments.

We go to a posedown held in what looks to be a lounge between Paul Orndorff and Tony Atlas. Vince is your MC wearing a red suit sitting at a table with Renee Goulet who is sipping a cocktail and looking bored. Atlas poses first to the Coliseum Video theme before Orndorff comes out and poses to the same theme. Both have killer physiques but Atlas gets the duke due to being a babyface. Paul protests then clobbers Atlas in the back, sending him crashing into what appears to be The Spoiler’s table. A tall guy in a mask tries to break apart Orndorff and Atlas and just for namesake I’ll call him The Spoiler. Spoiler and Vince lead Orndorff out the side door while Atlas stands there flustered.

Monsoon says life on the road can be lonely and sends us to Iron Sheik’s haram party on TNT with Vince hosting in the gray suit. Sheik stands by an actual live camel wearing his actual 1971 AAU wrestling champion medal he won in the 180 pound division as well as his turban and loud shirt. The one hilarious quote is he claims the camel is better looking than Sgt Slaughter. Alfred Hays is brought in to analyze the animal as Sheik continues to run down Slaughter. Vince makes a goof and both he and Sheik laugh at Vince’s expense before Sheik continues to rant. Vince asks Sheik what the camels name is and at first he speaks a long name in farci. Vince asks for the translation and Sheik answers “Claude”. All 3 men share a laugh which makes me laugh because Sheik’s supposed to be a heel yet everyone’s having fun here. Vince notices Alfred standing by the camel’s ass and asks if there’s any action back there. To save time I’ll skip the rest and move on.

Monsoon blows the ending of the next segment which has Freddie Blassie, Friday (the original Kim Chee) and a dancing chicken on TNT, yes of course I’m serious. Vince is wearing the beige suit as Blassie is in his blue sequined suit. The camera pans to the chicken just as it takes a shit, which adds to the hilarity. Vince notices and lets Blassie know. Kamala comes out to check out the chicken as Vince asks what’s going on. Freddie announces that the chicken will perform a disappearing act as Kamala will eat him alive, causing Vince to protest. Kamala goes after the chicken and the camera cuts away only to return to Kamala eating an obviously cooked chicken. I’m sure Vince used the camera cut to get the real chicken out of there before PETA showed up.

Monsoon cuts to an actual wrestling match for once….only its midgets. The Haiti Kid takes on Danny Carpenter in a hilarious midget match. I say it’s hilarious because back then it was legitimately funny before the antics became redundant in the following 10 years.

Ivan Putski teaches women and Vince (wearing a gray plaid overcoat and blue pants) how to polka. Vince may or may not be dancing with Linda, it kind of looks like her but I’m not sure. Either way they’re all having a merry ol time with a legitimate polka band performing in the back. The Crusher and Dick The Bruiser should be there but they’re in the AWA and couldn’t make it.

WWF champion Hulk Hogan finally makes his (and shockingly only) appearance on the August 24, 1984 edition of Tuesday Night Titans making protein shakes for Vince and Alfred to try. Vince tries it and he likes it but when “Awful” Alfred tries it, he promptly throws up. Next!

Back to TNT where it’s Captain Lou’s turn to give love advice. The first letter says her husband is from the old world and doesn’t wear deodorant, which stinks her out. Lou says that’s fine and what she has to do is mix rubbing alcohol, olive oil, witch hazel and shaving lotion then rub it on him to get rid of the stench. Lou says he doesn’t wear deodorant because he doesn’t smell then laughs at himself. Heh, couldn’t even keep a straight face on that one. If you notice a pattern developing is that nobody is taking any of this shit seriously. Heels and faces alike are laughing at themselves and even Vince is laughing along with them rather than at them. The next letter says her husband is too fat and Albano says he can’t stand fat people. Vince asks what he classifies himself as and Lou claims he’s not fat, its an optical illusion. Lou then rants about fat people which I can’t type out to give the rant true justice, have to see it to appreciate it. The next letter says her husband never takes her cowboy boots off and Lou says he’s going to give the Aerosol companies a lot of business.

Cut to Afa and Sika, former 3 time WWF tag team champions The Wild Samoans who’s cooking up quite a feast for Vince and Alfred. Alfred compares the odor of the cooking to the bubonic plague. Vince asks what’s cookin’ and the Samoans answer in their native tongue. They then bring out a huge mackerel, analyze it then put it in the cooking pot. Alfred comes over and is grossed out as they dissect a squid or something. Vince asks the Samoans to offer a sample to Alfred who reluctantly takes a bite. His facial expression says it all. Back on the set, Afa and Sika enjoy their meal as Alfred and Vince wonder what exactly they are eating. Vince orders Alfred to get the recipe for the home viewers later.

Monsoon shills the next segment as the most hilarious blooper. The famous WWF tag team championship match between “Soulman” Rocky Johnson and “Mr USA” Tony Atlas vs The Wild Samoans on November 15, 1983. Finally some wrestling. To keep this review short the blooper is the ref takes a bump which has Lou Albano interfering with a wooden chair. He goes to clock Atlas with it but Tony moves and Afa takes the chair to the head, which gets stuck on him as he falls backward. Atlas makes the cover as the ref revives and Johnson/Atlas are your new champions. Watching in a New York bar that night was an 18 year old college freshman named Mick Foley. Also watching was Rocky Johnson’s 11 year old son Dwayne. Wonder what became of Mick and Dwayne…. Anyway, we go to another TNT segment where Vince questions Lou about what went down during the tag match. Albano blames the Samoans and not himself for costing them the match, ha.

Salvatore Bellomo makes an appearance on TNT to cook pizza for Vince and Alfred. Again, Salvatore was a bonafide jobber to the heels in his WWF career but he was featured on these shows to at least attempt to get him over. This was the one thing the AWA and NWA lacked because their mid-carders were told to keep their mouths shut and do what they were told while WWF guys were told to do whatever the heck they wanted in order to get over and draw money. Anyway Bellomo, Vince and Alfred don ridiculous chefs hats as Salvatore prepares the pizza. Vince “There’s a bit of powder on your nose Alfred, not the first time I’ve seen THAT.” Holy shit that was cutting edge and this was 1984!

Now we go to former tag team champions Adrian Adonis and Dick Murdoch on a road trip for the September 25, 1984 Tuesday Night Titans. This was an interesting combination as Dick was the redneck rebel from Texas while Adonis was the New York street thug. They visit the Texas ranches first with Adonis attempting to get on a horse only to fall off. Then “Mean” Gene Okerlund joins Adonis (wearing a Nike t-shirt) and Murdoch as they walk the streets of New York City. Adrian runs into “old friends” hanging out before showing an open fire hydrant and saying that’s his old shower. A mangy red dog shows up and Adonis plays with it as Dick marvels at the city. The trio stops by a hot dog stand where lunch is on Adrian. Okerlund asks the vendor what kind of dogs they are and the vendor clearly can’t speak English. Murdoch orders a dog with mustard on it and takes a bite, he liked it apparently. He then shoves it into Adrian’s mouth who mumbles before Okerlund says time to go and he’s not picking up the tab. Cheapskate!

Monsoon then shows us a highlight package which is just the opening montage out of order with a flew other clips thrown in. Least they tried to something a little different.

Now it’s “Luscious” Johnny Valiant’s turn for love advice on TNT. The first letter says that her husband’s physique pales in comparison to WWF wrestlers and she has no idea what to do. Johnny V at first misunderstands the phrase but then says “Quit lookin over your guys shoulder. Quit lookin at the guy cutting the grass or the guy hitchhiking on the turnpike!” Next letter is from a guy who says he put a wrestling mask on his wife during playtime and it made things better. Johnny “Depending on who I was with I woulda done that myself!” The next letter is from a rich, attractive woman who has a fetish for ugly men (who the hell wrote THAT one?) and asks if any WWF superstar matches the criteria. Johnny answers Hulk Hogan and hypes up Brutus Beefcake as the ultimate ladies man. V then rattles off Tito Santana, Junkyard Dog and Sgt Slaughter as uglies and makes the comment “I heard that Slaughter wrote to the lonely hearts club and he got a letter back saying they weren’t THAT lonely”. The next letter is a guy who has a fantasy of being in a 16-20 man battle royal. Johnny asks what kind of health insurance the guy has for wanting to be in such a dangerous environment. He gets cut off as we go back to Monsoon.
Next up is Andre The Giant who cracks a joke comparing “Big” John Studd to Sky Low Low (the midget legend) and then reveals all his clothes are custom made in Japan except his boots which come from Texas. Andre then covers Alfred’s head with his hand to show how massive he is. Andre then sings The Fish Song which he picked up on his last tour in Japan. He’s got a legit reggae band as he pretends to swim like a fish.

Roddy Piper makes his appearance and he’s got Captain Lou with him on Piper’s Pit. Lou marvels at the gold record Girls Just Wanna Have Fun turned into then promises to bring Cindy Lauper on a future episode of the Pit. The scene cuts to Cindy on the set where Lou comes in and takes credit for all her success, which pisses her off. Lou tells her to shut up and says all women are slime. Piper backs up Albano and they both get in her face. Lou calls her a broad and she flips, literally, flipping over the table then attacking Lou and Piper. David Wolff himself runs out to save Cindy. The fact Lou was the one who began the Rock N Wrestling Connection cannot be overstated. For those that don’t know, Albano and Cindy Lauper just happened to be riding on the same plane together and from that, they struck up a friendship. This included Albano making a cameo in Lauper’s famous video Girls Just Wanna Have Fun as her “father”. What this led to was a WWF/MTV crossover that drew A LOT of money. Sure Hogan ruled the wrestling world in 1984 but he didn’t have the proper mainstream appeal until he appeared with the others on MTV in 1985. When MTV aired Brawl To End It All and War To Settle The Score, now WWF were pulling in casual fans as well as wrestling fans. So now with Piper established as MTV and WWF’s number one heel, the first Wrestlemania came to fruition. All this because Captain Lou just happened to be on a plane with Cindy.

Another “bodyslams” montage only they use the orchestral ending theme from the end of the early Coliseum Videos.

Up last was a legendary, lengthy segment where Paul “Butcher” Vachon’s wedding would be televised. The recently departed Maurice “Mad Dog” Vachon was an AWA legend and a certifiable mad man in the business. His younger brother Paul was equally insane and the duo ran roughshod over Canadian and American territories in the 60’s and 70’s. It should be noted that legendary women’s wrestler Luna Vachon is actually Paul’s adopted daughter, not Mad Dog’s. The segment begins with Vince interviewing a fan outside and asking what the woman looks like if she’s going to marry Butcher, the fan points to his dog which makes Vince laugh. Inside the reception is nearly every heel on the roster with Vince and Alfred hosting. I see Afa, Sika, Junior (Afa’s 19 year old son who would eventually become Headshrinker Fatu, The Sultan and Rikishi), George Steele, Fabulous Moolah, Jesse “The Body” Ventura, “Dr D” Dave Schultz, Sky Low Low, Howard Finkel, Freddie Blassie and Lou Albano all enjoying the festivities. We start with the gift opening and the first one is a box of rubber bands graciously donated by Captain Lou. The next give is a pair of glasses donated by Freddie Blassie who runs down Paul saying the ring on her finger was the same one on the first 5 wives he’s had (a lie but a hilarious one). “Why don’t ya buy her some real diamonds ya cheapskate!” Vince looks around for someone to make a toast and he settles on George “The Animal” Steele. Figures, the one guy who couldn’t talk. The heel cheers him on and after working the crowd he shouts “perpendicular!!” as Albano cheers. Vince looks disgusted as Albano grabs the mic and starts ranting and raving. Albano shills his Samoan stable then toasts “Open your teeth, open your gums, lookout stomach here it comes!” Vince goes to interview Howard but Albano comes over again “I got a girl who lives on a hill, she won’t but her sister will!” The Body wants to say a few words “The scum always rises to the top of the water.” Ooooook. Sky Low Low is next. He basically runs down Albano for talking too much and says “What the hell do you want, a toaster?” The French Canadian born Sky Low Low was one of the best midget wrestlers ever with a physique second to none. Most midgets didn’t live past 50 and he was 56 at the time of this wedding to give an idea how good a shape he was in. Albano swears at him in Italian as Low Low fires back in his French much to Sika’s delight. Blassie comes over to antagonize Low Low before things get settled. Vince goes over to “Dr. D” Dave Schultz who is bleeped out while running down everyone in the room. Guess he must have said something more suitable for the Attitude Era. Paul and his wife dance by themselves as Albano continuously burps into the microphone causing Ventura to crack up. Albano then goes over to sing a few bars before removing his shirt much to Vince’s disgust. George kisses Paul much to his dismay. Albano then threatens to moon Vince who tells the camera to cut away. Once action resumes the wife is dancing with Low Low…and pretty good too. Albano counters by dancing with Low Low’s date/gf/wife/whatever then Mad Dog gets on the dance floor with Moolah. The dancing of Albano and the midget lady causes Blassie to crack up laughing. Next, Albano and the Samoans attempt to sing before bringing Low Low to sing with them. Fatu looks to be having a blast as Albano pours what’s left of his beer can down the back of Low Low’s pants. We then cut to the dessert where the wife refuses to eat the customary first piece of cake so a grumpy Dr. D shows up and shoves a pie in her face. Albano then nails Low Low in the head with a pie as Paul laughs at the display of slapstick. A pie fight develops with Alfred getting nailed by Dr D. Schultz nails Vince himself in the face. Vince grabs a pie and nails George Steele with it. A slapstick pie fight envelops with champagne being sprayed as well. Blassie appears to have survived the pies but a sneaky Ventura dumps a can of something on him. That was something else and a lot of fun to watch.

We end the tape with two montages, one of what we just saw and the second being the customary ending orchestral theme. Before we sign off we get a previews for BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 2, ANDRE THE GIANT and MOST UNUSUAL MATCHES…..guess the first 4 tapes (including this one) were released together and those 3 were released together as well. As for this….wow. What a way to make your debut huh? As a standalone tape I thought it was entertaining. Remember this was the beginning of Vince Jr’s takeover of the wrestling world which added entertainment on top of wrestling. I’ll say this though; most of the skits were fun to watch especially with ¾ of the tape involving the heels. Not only that but Hogan only appeared briefly and he was the world champion. If you’re looking for important, blow away matches then look elsewhere. If you’re looking to have 70 minutes of fun then this one’s for you. I’ll give it 4 out of 5 stars just because it was an outrageous way to make your home video debut. A point off for the simple fact it’s a bloopers tape with little in ring action. The next tape in line is HULKAMANIA so we’ll pick up there.