Villains of the Squared Circle (WF022)

 

villainsVILLAINS OF THE SQUARED CIRCLE (WF022)

Like I had mentioned on ROWDY RODDY PIPER’S GREATEST HITS, the WWF had hit on a revolutionary concept. Showcasing the top babyface stars was nothing new in wrestling. From Verne Gage acting in The Wrestler, to Jerry Lawler being all over Memphis to WWF’s own Hulkamania. However, what all the regional territories failed to capitalize on was the other side of the spectrum. You didn’t see a Nick Bockwinkel t-shirt or video tape. You saw Lawler but was there a spotlight on Bill Dundee? There was no 4 Horseman tape in the Carolina’s. The WWF was the first to truly market and specialize the heels as well as the faces. We saw Roddy Piper get his own tape and some of the heel managers were highlighted in THE AMAZING MANAGERS but this one, we got em all. This tape is to showcase the villains both past and present that ran roughshod over the WWF. Will it be good to highlight the bad? Let’s find out. Cue the 1985 Coliseum Video opening and Mean Gene Okerlund is our host today….scratch that. He introduces guest hosts Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd. Heenan says Okerlund to keep his mouth shut. Studd says he’s not a villain, he’s a very aggressive wrestler. Bundy says they’re winners. Okerlund and Heenan go back and forth and Studd says Okerlund is gonna get the splash before the tape is over. Okerlund runs down what we’re about to see as the truo howl with laughter. We then go to our first bout.
Match 1

Jake “The Snake” Roberts vs Scott McGee

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Alfred Hays and Ernie Ladd

April 22, 1986 in Madison Square Garden is the date and venue for this non-legendary squash match. Okerlund in the voiceover says Roberts is the newest heel in the WWF and Heenan scoffs at the terminology Okerlund uses to describe him. The bell sounds and Roberts is in the purple tights with green snake imprints while McGee is in the red trunks. Roberts unload with right hands and rams McGee into the corner. Studd says he’s not afraid of snakes and Bundy says there are no asterisks in the record books, only says whether they won or lost. Okerlund sends it to the actual broadcast team as Roberts decks McGee with a right hand. Roberts goes for the snake in the bag but then delivers a stomach breaker. Roberts smiles as he rams McGee’s face into the ground twice and slithers around. Ladd asks Monsoon about Miguel Perez Sr and Monsoon says his son is wrestling now. Yeah, 10 years later he’d be one of the founding fathers of Los Borriquas. Back to live action, Roberts counters a running roll up but turns around into a dropkick. Roberts runs into a snap suplex and McGee wastes no time with a gut-wrench suplex and a pinfall attempt for 1….2..no. Jake slithers out of the ring as Monsoon and Ladd scoffs. McGee chases him back into the ring where he hiptosses Jake. A kneedrop stuns Jake and a pinfall attempt gets two. Jake begs off but McGee drags him into the center of the ring. McGee stomps Jake in the stomach then takes him down. Monsoon says Jake landed on the external occipital protuberance area as Ladd says “you lost me at the last red light.” McGee misses a knee drop and Jake hits the arm wrench/short arm clothesline combo. Jake goes for a scoop slam but Scott rolls through and goes for another running roll-up. Jake counters and then catches Scott with the D-D-T! Jake taunts the crowd as he makes the cover..1…2….3 and this ones over. Jake immediately goes for the bag where he unleashes the giant python Damien. Ladd asks why they would let Jake bring a snake out to begin with. Alfred marvels at the snake as Fink gets in the ring long enough to announce Jake the winner before skedaddling. Jake sicks Damien on McGee as Monsoon says snakes bite. Yeah, in about 5 years ask Randy Savage how it feels. After a few minutes of torture the crowd starts chanting Hogan as the announcers scoff. In terms of match quality, it was a 4 minute squash so no sense squawking about that. Mainly it was to highlight how devious Jake was to sick a live python on people. It worked tremendously.
Time of match: 4:02

Winner: Jake Roberts by pinfall
Moving right along to the next match
Match 2

Tor Kamata vs Pat Patterson

Commentator: Gorilla Monsoon

The Showdown at Shea on August 9, 1980 was known for the Bruno/Zybysko main event with the Hogan/Andre undercard but this match was apart of it too. We all know who Pat Patterson is, but who the hell is Tor Kamata? He was known as Mr. Moto in the AWA and regional territories where he feuded with Freddie Blassie. His real name is McRonald believe it or not. He was given the name Tor Kamata based off Tomas De Torquemada of the Spanish Inquisition. Guess who gave him that name, Hawaiian promoter Sir Ed Francis, father of New England Patriots tight end Russ who competed in the WRESTLEMANIA 2 battle royal. Three years prior to this match Kamata was used as a heel to get Bob Backlund over, grooming Bob for his feud with Superstar Billy Graham. Kamata attacks Patterson at the bell who Pearl Harbors Patterson as the bell rings. Kamata is in the long black tights and white stripe while Patterson is in the standard black trunks. Monsoon calls him “the big Jap” as Kamata levels Patterson with a dropkick. Try getting away with saying that now. Kamata goes up to the top rope but misses the big splash. Patterson goes up to the top rope and drops a knee. Patterson sheds his ring jacket who stomps away on Tor in the corner. At the time Pat Patterson was 39 and Kamata was 43 years old. Just goes to show age doesn’t make a difference in wrestling sometimes. Patterson whips Kamata in the corner and backdrops him. Monsoon says he went down like yesterday’s garbage. Monsoon brings up Patterson’s heel past as well. Kamata reaches into his tights for the salt and throws it…missing Patterson completely and nailing referee Dick Kroll with it instead. IDIOT! Kroll calls for the bell and this one is over. Patterson rallies with right hands and a scoop slam. Patterson goes for the pinfall and Kroll actually counts a 1 but Kamata kicks out and bails. We go to the replay of Kroll getting nailed and we cut here. Absolutely no idea why this match was included on this tape since Kamata was never a top heel. Maybe Vince was mad at Dick Kroll one day and decided to throw this match into the tape to get back at him for something. Who knows.
Time of match: 2:05

Winner: Pat Patterson by DQ

 

Moving right along to match number three.

 

Match 3

George “The Animal” Steele vs Pedro Morales for the WWWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentator: Vince McMahon

June 30, 1973 in Madison Square Garden saw a different Animal that modern fans know and love. Before Steele became the loveable goofball in the mid 80’s he was a savage heel for many years prior. Here, he takes on the champion. Both are in their standard gear. Morales and Steele trade blows as Steele nails Pedro with a hidden foreign object the ref can’t find. Heenan, Bundy and Studd make fun of Steele in the voiceover saying he’s no longer worth anything since he turned face. Studd “He’s not one of US anymore.” Meanwhile back to 73, Steele stomps away on Morales, send him off and scoop slams him. Steele catches Morales in the throat with the object as the fans scoff. Steele tells the ref he didn’t do anything as he goes to bite the turnbuckle. Meanwhile Morales lands two left handed punches that have the Garden rocking. The camera focuses on the left hand of Steele as Morales backs him around the ring. Morales stuns Steele with an arm drag and Steele retreats to the corner. Morales lands a forearm as we get a TAPE EDIT to Steele dropping Morales with a big punch. The ref once again checks Steele but can’t find anything. George rams Morales into the steel ringpost as screams “yesssss” to the irate crowd. Steele rams him a second time as the ref tries to push Steele away. George rams Morales a third time but the 4th attempt is blocked. Morales rams Steele into the ring post as the crowd goes nuts. Morales rams him into each post and Steele blades. Morales rallies with lefts and rights as flashbulbs go off. Steele begs off and Morales bites the forehead. Morales continues to rally with left hands as the referee checks Steele’s head and calls for the bell. Steele protests but the ref raises Pedro’s arm in victory. George then pulls the foreign object out and waffles Pedro with it. George continues to pound away but Pedro backs Steele away with lefts before he steals the object. Pedro chases Steele to the back as the crowd cheers. Steele runs back out after the announcer gives the news to the crowd but we cut here. As a scientific match, it sucked monkey fuck. In terms of insanity, realism and storytelling, that was awesome. I would have loved to have been in the Garden that night and feel the buzz as Morales tried to counter the “foreign object” of the Animal. Steele was a loveable face, but he was a great, savage heel in his earlier days.
Time of match: 8:16

Winner: Pedro Morales by stoppage (still WWWF champion)

 

Continuing along to match 4
Match 4

“Big Cat” Ernie Ladd vs Andre the Giant

Commentator: Vince McMahon

April 26, 1973 in Madison Square Garden saw the battle of the giants. Ernie Ladd was a legit 6 foot 9 and had played on the 1963 American Football League Champion San Diego Chargers during his football career as a defensive lineman. Then he shattered racial barriers by becoming one of the first black top heels. Most black wrestlers up to that point were loveable fan favorites such as Bearcat Wright, Bobo Brazil and Thunderbolt Patterson…and here comes Ladd as a heel. Andre is in the black trunks and Ernie in the light blue. We’re joined in progress with Andre kicking Ladd around the ring. Andre lands a big punch as Heenan tries to say the taped thumb on Ladd’s hand was 100% legit. Andre hammers away with a big headbutt as Ladd sells it like his head was on fire. Another headbutt drops Ladd into the corner. The ref tells Andre to back off as Ladd reaches for something in his tights. He nails Andre with the big thumb twice, dropping him to the mat. By the way, this was the smaller, leaner 26 year old Andre that could still bump and move around. They’re about equal size here height wise and Andre does have a weight advantage. Andre gets his left arm caught in the top rope and Ernie goes to town with boots. Andre frees himself and Ladd continues t land big right hands including a headlocked punch. Andre then grabs Ernie’s hand and punches him with his own taped thumb. Vince calls it a taste of his own medicine. Andre whips Ernie off and backdrops him. Andre goes for the big splash but Ernie slides out of the way. Ernie bails to the outside and retreats to the back, earning a count-out win for Andre. Vince says Ernie chickened out as the crowd boos Ernie then cheers Andre. That’s one way to keep your heel heat without doing a job. Once again, catch as catch can went out the window but the crowd was still into it with Andre trying to overcome the heel tactics of Ladd. Always great to see both of them, but even better to see the mobile Andre.
Time of match; Joined in progress

Winner: Andre the Giant by count-out
Moving along to match number five
Match 5

Captain Lou Albano vs Gorilla Monsoon

Commentator: Vince McMahon

What a treat. On the same card as Pedro/Steele from earlier was Captain Lou going one on one with Monsoon himself on June 30, 1973. Lou would turn 40 a month later while Gorilla clocked in at 36. Albano was a little lighter In 1973 as Monsoon looks the same as always. Both are in standard gear as Monsoon doesn’t want to wait for the announcer or referee’s instructions. Albano begs off before he takes his ring jacket off. Big John Studd in the voiceover says we’ll be seeing big, giant jellyrolls. Bundy says they’re broken down, old windbags which is ironic as Studd was older at that time (38) than Monsoon was during this match. Albano is built at 275 pounds, Monsoon 401 pounds. The ref tries to hold Monsoon back as he checks him for objects. The ref checks Albano who caters to the irate crowd. The bell rings and immediately Albano bails. He does this a few times before Monsoon lands some forearms in the corner before Lou counters with an eye gouge. Another one follows before Lou hits a third. A fourth one has Monsoon shambles around as the ref asks Albano what he’s up to. Albano continues to work the eye gouge before landing a boot. Monsoon counters with a slap and an eye gouge of his own. Vince “Turnabout is fair play” Monsoon sends Albano off and drops him with a big chop. Two overhand chops has Albano down. Monsoon then chops Albano over the top rope. Albano runs away and Monsoon gets the count out win. The crowd cheers as the ref raises Monsoon’s hand in victory. We go to the replay where Albano flies over the top and bails. Well that was a waste of time. They were better off showing Albano’s victory over Tony Angelo from THE LIFE AND TIMES OF CAPTAIN LOU ALBANO. Instead they showed a minute of Albano eye gouging before running away. Sure he was a villain, but he could have been showcased better than that.
Time of match: 1:43

Winner: Gorilla Monsoon by count-out
No nonsense, onto match 6

Match 6

Andre the Giant and Chief Jay Strongbow vs Blackjack Lanza and Stan “The Man” Stasiak

Commentator: Vince McMahon

We’re still in 1973 as this was from November 12, 1973 in Madison Square Garden. Its also the Coliseum Video debuts of the former WWWF Champion Stasiak and one half of the blackjacks, Lanza. Stasiak’s physique wasn’t really that impressive but he was a vicious heel and would be challenging Pedro Morales less than 3 weeks after this match for the heavyweight title. Stasiak was the first to use the heart punch as a finisher. Lanza and Blackjack Mulligan terrorized the territories as big, bruising cowboy heels throughout the 70’s and early 80’s. Stasiak wants no part of Strongbow so he bails to the apron only for Jay to head scissor him into the ring. Stasiak goes to bail but Jay is snap mared in. An arm drag stuns Stasiak and we get a TAPE EDIT. Stasiak is in the long black tights with red strpe, Strongbow is in the multi-colored trunks. Andre has the blue trunks on, Lanza in standard gear. Stasiak sends Strongbow off the ropes and…rakes the eyes. Stan makes the tag to Lanza and we cut here. Well that was worthless….didn’t even get to see the ending. What the hell were they thinking? At least show the ending. What’s the point of showcasing heels if Lanza hadn’t been in the ring yet?
Time of match: Joined in progress

Winners: Unknown
I dread to think what comes next if they refused to show the ending to that one.
Match 7

Don “The Magnificent” Muraco with Captain Lou Albano vs Special Delivery Jones

Commentator: Vince McMahon and Pat Patterson

Before we get to the Jones match, we’re joined in progress for a quick highlight of Muraco heaving Pedro Morales over the top rope to the outside. Okerlund calls Muraco strange as Bundy, Studd and Heenan praise Don and insult Okerlund. Jones is in the red trunks and Muraco the standard. Jones drops Muraco with a series of arm drags that has Muraco bailing to the outside. Vince says a win over Muraco would make Jones a top contender to the title. Which title Vince? SD Jones hits the sunset flip we see in the 85 Intro before every tape for 1….2…no. SD goes back to the headlock before Muraco counters with a back breaker. Muraco misses a Vader Bomb and SD goes back to the headlock. Patterson praises Jones for his patience. Muraco powers out of the headlock but Jones headbutts Don in the back. A few right hands stun Don and Jones goes back to the headlock takeover. Patterson “Very nice” Vince “The headlock is a defensive type of a hold, not an offensive.” Good call Vince. Muraco gets the upper hand with rights but SD lands left jabs to stun Muraco and a headbutt. Muraco whips SD into the corner where SD goes for the bodypress…only Muraco counters with a powerslam. Muraco hooks the leg and the ref counts the pinfall like in the 85 Opening. Both highlights from this match were used in the montage, nice. Anyway Muraco gets the pinfall victory as Vince says “How about that?” We go back to the instant replay. Good victory by Muraco and its nice to see where the opening montage comes from sometimes.
Time of match: Joined in progress

Winner: Don Muraco by pinfall
We go straight to an episode of TNT where Muraco cuts a promo. Its the same exact one he cut in RICKY THE DRAGON STEAMBOAT except its clipped. Don says there’s no more titles to win and he runs the darkside. Vince says there’s only one way to go, down. Muraco makes fun of Ricky Steamboat saying he likes fat broads (ironic given Bonnie was a looker in her day). Muraco “Put that in your pipe and smoke it brotha”. We go right to the next match after.

Match 8

Ricky Steamboat vs Mr. Fuji

This is the same match from Ricky The Dragon Steamboat only this is just a clip. We’re at the part where Fuji has the nerve hold, Vince calls Fuji a world class wrestler. Steamboat does the fade-then-revive routine. Ricky rakes the eyes and chops Fuji down. Ricky goes upstairs and catches Fuji with the flying crossbody for 1….2..nope, Fuji kicks out. Ricky goes for the big splash but Fuji gets the knees up. Bruno says that’s the first time he’s seen someone kick out of that and Vince says Ricky didn’t hook the leg. Ricky rolls through a back suplex, rolls up Fuji and gets the 1..2….3 to win the match. Steamboat celebrates on the outside as a little girl jumps the guardrail and runs toward Ricky only for her to stop and turn around. Steamboat goes to leave but Don Muraco runs out and hits Ricky in the back with a stool. The stool breaks in half as Fuji runs out and picks up the other half. They continue to beat on Ricky before leaving. Vince calls them dastardly. Now I see why they cut the match short, to show the extracurricular activity by Muraco. What a heel.
Time of match: 4:06

Winner: Ricky Steamboat by pinfall
Next up are “Rowdy” Roddy Piper highlights. Once again we get a clipped showing of Piper’s Pit where he attacks Jimmy Snuka. Then we get the clip of him slapping Alfred Hays across the face on TNT. Then we get a clip of Piper attacking Frankie Williams on Piper’s Pit. Then we get a clip of Piper and Lou Albano exchanging unpleasantries showcased on Albano’s tape. Only this time its extended as Albano flicks Piper on the nose. Piper responds by punching Albano over the couch and calling him a fat piece of garbage. Then we get his exchange with Mr. T that set up Wrestlemania1. All of these highlights are available on his personality profile tape. Then we get some clips of Piper in the ring. Only before that, Bundy tells Okerlund to shut up for calling him a jellyroll. Ha! Studd “Piper is a great friend of ours.”The clips of Piper and Schultz beating up Andre, Piper’s match with Snuka from St. Louis, Piper and Orton against Snuka and Tonga Kid. Once again, every single clip here was from another tape. It would continue with our next match.
Match 9

“Macho Man” Randy Savage (with Miss Elizabeth) vs Tito Santana for the WWF Intercontinental Championship

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura

Wonderful, it’s the exact same match from WWF GREATEST MATCHES. We’re clipped well into the match where both Savage and Santana are down in the ring. Santana goes for the figure four, but Savage counters it by kicking him off. Randy slides to the ring apron to pull out something from his tights. He swings and misses and Tito goes for a back suplex, however Randy clocks Santana with the object on the way down. Randy crawls over on top of Tito and Davis gets down 1……2….THREE AND WE GOT A NEW CHAMPION. Thinking quickly, Savage tosses the piece of steel to the outside as Davis never saw it. Its official, the Macho Man is your new Intercontinental Champion. Savage limps to the back as Monsoon scoffs at the blatent cheating by the Macho Man, Ventura says it’s brilliant. The camera shows the cold roll of steel Savage clobbered Tito with before going to the replay. Monsoon continues to complain as we cut here. Nice to include Savage on this tape but the constant clipping is getting on my nerves now.

Time of match: Clipped for the tape

Winner: Savage by pinfall (New WWF Intercontinental Champion)
Rolling right along, its time for Terry Funk.
Match 9

Aldo Marino vs “Terrible” Terry Funk

Commentators: Vince McMahon and Bruno Sammartino

This was Funk’s WWF debut match on the June 17, 1985 edition of Championship Wrestling. The referee is the infamous Rita Marie which I’ll get to later. Okerlund says in the voiceover the reason the match is on here is because of the attendant putting Funk’s hat on his head. Bundy says the guy deserved it for ruining the hat. Studd says he could care less about Marino or Mel Phillips and Funk did a good job. Basically what happened was Mel had too much stuff in his hands so he put the hat on his head in order to carry everything. Vince laughs but Funk gets enraged and beats the crap out of Mel. Vince scoffs as Funk throws Marino out of the ring. Funk continues to beat the daylights out of Phillips. Marino tries to help out but Funk sends him out of the ring again. Funk then tosses Phillips out for good as Vince continues to complain. Sammartino “That’s Terry Funk, he’s got some reputation.” The security guards literally carry Mel out of the arena as Funk goes to work on Marino with left hands and chops in the corner. Funk drops Marino and stomps on him as Rita Marie admonishes him. Funk heaves Marino through the ropes to the outside as Funk hits the floor himself and goes to attack a fan. Marino staggers back to the ring where Funk gets whipped to the buckle. Aldo then heaves Funk to the floor. Marino hits a dropkick that sends Funk over the top to the outside. Back inside Funk delivers a back suplex to quell the momentum. Funk kicks the guy in the head and snap suplexes him. Funk goes for the spinning toe hold and applies it. Marino gives it up and Funk is the winner. Funk goes to the outside and yells at the irate crowd and we cut here. Why was Rita Marie infamous? Several years later she went on the Geraldo Rivera show and claimed Vince raped her in a limousine. Why it took her 6 years to come out with it was partially the reason nobody ever thought much of it. Did it happen? Who knows. What DID happen is Funk beat the crap out of Mel Phillips…and it sure was funny.
Time of match: 4:05

Winner: Terry Funk by submission
Can we we keep the momentum going in match ten?
Match 10

Corporal Kirchner vs The Iron Sheik (with Classy Freddie Blassie and Nikolai Volkoff)

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon, Alfred Hays and Ernie Ladd

After Kirchner dispatched Nikolai Volkoff at Wrestlemania 2, Sheik got the next crack at him on April 22, 1986 at Madison Square Garden. This was on the same card as Roberts vs McGee at the beginning of this tape. Sheik is in the yellow trunks with Kirchner in his standard gear. Kirchner hands his hat and American flag to Mel Phillips and does NOT attack him like Funk did earlier. The Iron Sheik DOES attack Kirchner as he gets to the ring still with his turban and robe on. Sheik whips Kirchner off and clotheslines him. Sheik chokes Kirchner with the head piece as Ladd notices the bell never rang. Sheik sheds the robe, whips Kirchner off and backdrops him as the bell finally rings. Sheik spits on Kirchner and caters to the irate crowd. Shiek gives the crowd the arm and the elbow as Hays says Sheik has no dignity. Monsoon brings up the world and tag title reigns of Sheik as Kirchner leapfrogs him and scoop slams him. Kirchner drops an elbow, drags Sheik to the corner and rams him ballsack first into the ring post, ow. Kirchner punches and headbutts the Sheik. Kirchner delivers a snap suplex then covers for 1…2…nope. A gut wrench suplex is followed by another cover for a nearfall. Kirchner misses a dropkick just as Ladd praises him. Sheik stops away then delivers a gut wrench of his own. The cover only gets a deuce and Kirchner is met with a kick to the head. Sheik goes for the abdominal stretch as Monsoon says he doesn’t have it synched in properly. Kirchner hiptosses Shiek and drops a knee….but misses the elbow drop. Sheik whips the corporal off and he goes for the sunset flip, but only gets a two count. Sheik whips Kirchner off but he gets kicked in the head this time. Sheik begs off but then sends Kirchner to the floor where Volkoff whacks Kirchner with Blassie’s cane. The ref counts to 10 and calls for the bell. Volkoff tosses Kirchner in the ring and they double team Kirchner. Sheik loads up the boot and kicks Kirchner in the chest. Volkoff goes to town with right hands until Kirchner tries to fight back. He goes outside and grabs a chair, which causes The Unamericanz to bail. Nice to see The Unamericanz and Freddie Blassie showcased.
Time of match: 6 minutes

Winner: Iron Sheik by count-out
As we head towards the end, now its time to highlight our three co-hosts. We begin with the Manager of the Year ceremony highlighted in Amazing Managers. I’ll just repost. King Kong Bundy and Big John Studd stand guard outside the ring while Bobby Heenan, Captain Lou and Hillbilly Jim stand next to the trophy with “Mean” Gene Okerlund our MC for the evening. Okerlund says the WWF has received one million votes and thanks the fans but Heenan grabs the mic. Heenan reels off the heel managers and says they all gave up their votes for Heenan to win. Added with Heenan’s votes alone, Heenan gets 519,711 votes. Bobby proclaims himself the manager of the year and grabs the trophy. Hillbilly Jim asks how many votes he has and Okerlund answers he has 316,428 votes. He asks how many Lou has and 314,166 is the total. Jim then gives up his votes to Lou which means…oh yes…CAPTAIN LOU ALBANO has won the 1985 WWF Manager of the Year award. Heenan goes beserk as Jim congratulates Captain. Heenan then nails Albano with the trophy as Okerlund hightails it out of there. Studd and Bundy hit the ring and suddenly Jim is down 2 against 1. Studd tackles Jim and Bundy splashes him again and again like we saw with Andre earlier in the tape. Heenan smashes the trophy. Bundy splashes Jim again but finally Cousin Junior and Uncle Elmer make their appearance. The Heenan family bail to the back as the hillbillies tend to Jim and Albano. Great way to maintain heel heat by Heenan’s crew.

Next is the attack on Andre the Giant by Bundy and Studd also highlighted on Wrestling’s Amazing Managers.
Match 11

Andre the Giant vs “Big” John Studd with Bobby “The Brain” Heenan

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura

We’re joined in progress as Studd and Andre are locked up. Studd works over the left arm as Andre grabs the hair and headbutts him. Another headbutt stuns Studd but John counters a backdrop by dropping the giant with a kick to the head. Studd drops two elbows as Heenan hops up on the apron with a pair of scissors. He hands Studd the scissors but Andre grabs Studd’s wrist and bites it. Andre headbutts and chops Studd then kicks Heenan who attempts to retrieve the scissors. Andre punches him out of the ring and grabs the scissors. He grabs Studd, punches him and slams him to the mat. He goes to cut Studd’s hair as Ventura scoffs….but have no fear Jesse for Bundy is here. King Kong Bundy makes his way to the ring and nails Andre just as he’s finished cutting a strand of hair off. Bundy repeatedly nails Andre with forearms as Studd gathers his bearings. Andre tries to fight back but Studd tackles him to the ground, allowing Bundy to land a big splash. Studd continues to hold the legs and Bundy splashes Andre again….and again. The ref tries to get Bundy out of there but to no avail as Heenan whips Bundy who splashes Andree for a 4th time. Cousin Junior, Rick McGraw, The Killer Bees and Lanny hit the ring to save Andre. Studd is irate at Andre cutting a bit of his hair as Bundy and Heenan try to calm him down in the entrance way. Bundy was fast becoming a monster heel and this match is what set up the big Saturday Night’s Main Event showdown between Andre and Hogan teaming against Bundy and Studd.

Time of match: Joined in progress

Winner: Andre the Giant by DQ
Next we’re shown the highlight of King Kong Bundy’s attack on Hulk Hogan which set up Wrestlemania 2. Hogan was wrestling The Magnificent Muraco when Bobby Heenan accosted Hogan leading to Hogan attacking The Brain. Bundy hit the ring and beat up Hogan, avalanching him a few times in the corner with the aid of Muraco. Bundy even threw the referee to the outside to boot. Muraco drags Hogan to the center of the ring and holds him down as Bundy delivers a big splash. Muraco turns Hogan over and Bundy hits another splash. Bundy spits on Hogan as we cut here. More dastardly tactics which was the point of the tape. Now we head to the final match on the tape….which was previously covered on ANDRE THE GIANT.
Match 12
Andre the Giant and Special Delivery Jones vs “Big” John Studd and Ken Patera (with Bobby Heenan)
Commentators: Vince McMahon and Bruno Sammartino
Can we get anymore stock footage? I swear 90% of this tape is highlights previously featured on other tapes. Anyway, December 15, 1984 was the date for this infamous moment. Studd in the voiceover praises Patera who’s “not with us at the moment but still in the family” meaning Patera was in jail at the time for real. Okerlund tells Studd he stucks as a barber and Heenan tells him to shut up. Back to the match itself, Andre teams with mid-card jobber Jones to take on the Heenan Family members. Ken’s got the bleach blonde hair and Olympic singlet as Andre wears his Wrestlemania 1 tights (which wasn’t for another 3 ½ months). Jones starts out with former IC champ Patera. Jones leaps over Patera and hooks him arm for the big drag. Andre tags in and wrenches the arm then headbutts it. Jones tags in with an axehandle to the arm before flipping him over. Ken gets his arm free and executes a backbreaker before tagging in Studd. John delivers a series of forearms then floors Jones with a back elbow smash. Studd puts the boots to him then tags in Patera who picks up where Jones left off. Patera continues to slug away but a backdrop attempt earns a kick to the face. Jones hits a headbutt that sends Ken into the face corner where Andre tags in. Patera backdrops Jones over the top to the concrete floor as Andre stalks Ken in the ring. Andre pounds on Ken in the corner then ass bumps him a few times. Patera gets a knee to the back then delivers a forearm to the back of the head. Patera holds Andre for an interfering Studd and they both pound away on the giant. Both men are able to slam Andre together then they both put the boots to him. Studd holds Andre down as Patera scales the second rope for a kneedrop. The ref calls for the bell as Patera and Studd continue to punch and kick at the fallen giant. They trade dropping elbows before Patera holds Andre down for Bobby Heenan to toss a pair of scissors to Studd. Studd proceeds to cut Andre’s trademark afro. The referee makes no attempt to stop the two heels as Patera drops Andre. Studd continues to cut the hair as the fans pelt the ring with garbage. Heenan gets in the ring and kicks Jones out of the ring. Vince says they’re raping Andre of his dignity. Try getting away with saying that now. Heenan, Andre and Patera celebrate with chunks of Andre’s hair as the heels bail to the back. We go to the replay of Patera using his legitimate Olympic strength as Studd cuts the hair. Short match but fun for historical purposes. Andre had a big afro for his entire career but would wrestle the final years with short/medium length hair.

Time of match: 3:44
Winners: Andre the Giant and SD Jones by DQ
The credits roll and this one is history. Before we go, its time for the previews. Monsoon shills BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 8, MACHO MAN RANDY SAVAGE AND ELIZABETH and MOST EXPLOSIVE TNT SHOW. As for now, that was an average tape. They had to cram years and years of heels into a 75 minute VHS tape. Nowadays this would be a 2 disc blu-ray with loads of extras, promos and footage. Can’t fault 1986 technology for its time period. The action ranged from decent to hot so no sense squawking about that. The only complaint I have is most of the footage was from previous Coliseum Video tapes so there was barely anything new, but then again, not everyone has all the tapes so they could be seeing this for the first time. As a standalone highlights tape, its worth a look. I give it 4 out of 5 despite the cram job. The next tape after this is BRUNO SAMMARTINO: WRESTLING’S LIVING LEGEND so I’ll see everyone there.

Highlights of Wrestlemania (CS003)

Highlights

I know what you’re thinking….”Hey, they already produced the inaugeral Wrestlemania, so what the hell is this?'” Good question, I myself was wondering what the purpose of a tape like this was. Believe it or not, this was the third in a short series of Coliseum Video’s that were called The Collector Series which also included THE HULKSTER HULK HOGAN and WWF’S GREATEST MATCHES. I honestly don’t know why these 3 tapes were separate from any other Coliseum Video’s that were out there at the time…but they’re very rare. Vince opens this tape and basically tells us we’re gonna be watching parts of each match from Wrestlemania. I mean it’s ok to have a tape like this for people with short attention spans, but you’re also saying “Don’t buy Wrestlemania, the best stuff is on this one anyway.” Vince runs down the card and says we’ll be seeing the main event in its entirety….what about Bundy vs SD Jones, how can we not see THAT match in its entirety?
Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura
WRESTLEMANIA 1

MARCH 31, 1985

MADISON SQUARE GARDEN

NEW YORK, NY

Match 1

Junkyard Dog vs Greg “The Hammer” Vallentine with Jimmy Hart for the WWF Intercontinental Championship
Woah woah woah….this match was NOT the first match at Wrestlemania, they switched up the order for this tape. We start off at the part where JYD has an arm ringer on Greg, Vallentine then whips JYD off but Dog catches the foot then catches Greg with a right hand. Vallentine hits a knee and an elbow but misses a forearm so JYD hits his trademark headbutts on the ground before the camera pans to the Garden crowd. Monsoon says Hart is now the manager of Jim Niedhart, Bundy and Vallentine before Vallentine goes back on offense. Greg hits a forearm to the back of the neck and an elbow drop to the mid-section before going over the right leg of JYD. Vallentine goes for a half-crab and stretches the knee as the crowd begins to roar for JYD. Vallentine hits a headbutt to the midsection but JYD counters the figure four attempt and sells the injury well. Vallentine works him over in the corner before Dog rallies with right hands and headbutts as Vallentine does the flop. Jimmy Hart gets on the apron and Dog grabs him but moves out of the way causing Vallentine to hammer Jimmy to the floor. Dog backs Vallentine in the corner with forearm and a headbutt before Vallentine rake the eyes and scoops the legs with his feet on the rope for 1…2…3 and Vallentine wins it. All of a sudden Tito Santana hits the ring and tells the ref Vallentine had his foot on the rope. All of a sudden the ref calls for the match to continue making him the smartest ref in the history of wrestling up to this point, but Vallentine wants no part of it and stays out of the ring. Dog wins by count-out but the title does not change hands on a count-out so The Hammer is still the champ, the segment ends right here.

Time of match; 6;09  (the actual match was 6:53 so they cut 45 seconds of the match out plus the extracurricular activities)

Winner; Junkyard Dog by count-out  (Vallentine retains)

There is no segment, onto the next match
Match 2

The Executioner vs Tito Santana
THIS was the real first match at Wrestlemania and unlike the last one, we’re well into it at the start. Santana fires away in the corner and goes for a piledriver, but Executioner counters with a back drop. He hits a bodyslam and goes upstairs but Santana catches him with a slam off the top. Santana goes for a big splash but Executioner gets the knees up just in time, then he works over the left leg on the second rope before Tito kicks him over the top rope into the time-keeper’s table. Tito hits a power slam from the apron to the ring and hits the flying forearm out of nowhere. Tito drags him to the center of the ring and locks in the figure four as Executioner submits quickly. Actually on this tape, it doesn’t even show the ending, just Buddy…er Executioner trapped in the figure four. Least they should have shown Tito getting his hand raised so even the dumbest fans wouldn’t be confused.

Time of match; 1:32  (the actual match was 4;40)

Winner; Tito Santana by submission
There is no segment, onto the next match
Match 3

“Maniac” Matt Bourne vs Ricky Steamboat
Heh, this was actually the third match on the card of Wrestlemania and its the third match on this tape, least it’s in the right order. We’re at the part where Matt hits a snap suplex and covers for 1..2…nope, they trade blows in the ring before Steamboat gets the upper hand with karate chops. Steamboat hits a back suplex, a reverse neckbreaker and 2 knee drops for a cover of 1..2…nope. Steaboat leapfrogs over Borne and hits some sort of double punch to the face,……and the segment ends. Well that was pointless, doesn’t even show the damn ending. If I had bought this tape back in the day I would have felt gyped, ah well…onwards and upwards

Time of match: 1:34 (actual time was 4:38)

Winner: Ricky Steamboat by pinfall (though it isn’t shown for some damn reason)

There is no segment, on to the next match
Match 4

Wendi Richter (with Cyndi Lauper and David Wolfe) vs Leilani Kai (with Fabulous Moolah) for the WWF Women’s Championship

This match was much higher on the card so why is it so early on the tape? Whatever, we’re at the part where Leilani holds on to the hair then snapmares her over as Ventura speculates what its like to be on the receiving end of something like that. Kai throws Richter in the corner but a charge eats double boot then Wendi covers for a near fall. Leilani distracts the ref so Moolah chokes Wendi on the bottom rope before Cyndi runs over to save the day. Leilani whips Wendi off and hits a boot to the mid-section but Wendi rallies with a forearm and a New Delhi Devastator (and this is 1985 no less). The segment ends right there and I’m starting to get pissed….why put a tape out like this if you’re not going to show the endings? I guess Vince was smart enough to think “If I put out a Highlights tape, lets not show the endings so the fans will go out and buy the real tape!” Well that’s all fine and dandy but that kind of thinking will land this tape in the bargain bin.

Time of match: 1:28 (the real time was 6:13)

Winner: Wendi Richter by pinfall (New Women’s Champion though it wasn’t shown…again)
There is no segment, on to the next match

Match 5

The Un-Americanz (Nikolai Volkoff and Iron Sheik) with Freddie Blassie vs The US Express (Barry Windham and Mike Rotundo) with Captain Lou Albano for the WWF Tag Team Championship

The last 3 matches have gone a minute and a half so start placing bets on how long this one goes. We’re at the part where IRS…er Mike locks in an arm-bar then tags in Windham who once again comes off the top onto the elbow. Rotundo follows with the same elbow drop before Nikolai takes over and rams Rotundo’s head into Sheik’s legendary loaded boot. Sheik backdrops Rotundo and hits an elbow drop for 1…2…nope, near fall. Iron Sheik executes a gut-wrench suplex and covers for a deuce before Rotundo blocks a snap suplex and hits one of his own….and the segment ends here, just as I thought.
Time of match: 1:28 (heh, right on schedule)

Winners: Not shown….but it was The Un-Americanz

There is no segment, on to the next match
Match 6

King Kong Bundy (with Jimmy Hart) vs SD Jones
Heh, I won’t give away the ending but I will say I’ll be shocked if we don’t see this match in its entirety. SD Jones was your basic mid-card face at the time while Bundy was a rising monster heel, fresh from being a member of the Legion of Doom in the NWA. Jones runs into Bundy at the bell and Kong catches him in a bearhug then rams him into the corner. Jones crumples to the floor then gets up as Bundy hits the avalanche followed by the big splash for 1…2….3 and its over just like that. Monsoon and Ventura can’t believe it as Howard Finkel gets on the mic. “Time of the fall….9 SECONDS…your winner King Kong Bundy” Um, what? I specifically counted 23 seconds (which Monsoon ironically says is the previous record) so this was all just hooplah to get Bundy over as Hogan’s future opponent. Not only did they show the match in its entirety but it also showed the pre-match introductions and the post-match celebration. Maybe because we’ve blown through the first 6 matches they’ll show more of the final 3

Time of match: 23 seconds

Winner: King Kong Bundy by pinfall
There is no segment, on to the next match
Match 7

Andre the Giant vs Big John Studd (with Bobby Heenan) in a $15,000 Slam Match

They start off showing Studd and Andre being introduced so I assume they’re going to show the match in its entirety. Tthe rules are simple…..if Andre bodyslams Studd he wins 15 grand but if Studd slams Andre then say goodbye to the Giant. Studd attacks Andre in the corner as the bell rings before Andre rallies with chop and a big headbutt. Andre boots Studd to the outside of the ring and John regroups with Heenan, back inside Andre taunts Studd until backing him into the corner. Andre chokes Studd in the corner and Ventura asks where the ref is, but this isn’t a standard wrestling match so there are no DQ’s to speak of. Andre hits a knee to the head and big hamhock to the head before executing avalanches in the corner. Studd goes for a bodyslam but Andre blocks it then chops away at Studd before hitting a bearhug. The fants chats for Andre to slam as Ventura says “25,000 strong chanting”…..thought the building only held about 17,000 but nevertheless it is a sell out. The bearhug spot is worked for 2 full minutes before letting go and hitting a forearm to the back as Ventura says this could be the last time we could be seeing Andre. Andre hits a headlock and hits another hamhock to the mid-section as the crowd erupts. Andre whips Studd off and catches the foot, then hits another right hand to the face. Andre blocks a back elbow smash before chopping John in the corner. Andre kicks away at Studd’s leg and I’ll let Monsoon handle this one. “Andre now going to work on the leg, LOOK AT THIS…ANDRE PICKS EM UP…HE SLAMMED HIM!!!” This one’s over and Andre wins the match as the crowd erupts again as Finkel hands Andre the bag of money. Andre begins throwing money into the crowd before Heenan sneaks up, steals the bag then runs to the back with Studd. Ventura “They don’t call him The Brain for nothin Gino!” Andre poses in the ring and his career will resume….for a few more years anyway. The segment ends here but I won’t complain, they got everything that needed to be seen here.
Time of match: 5:52

Winner: Andre the Giant

There is no segment, onto the next match
Match 8

“Mr Wonderful” Paul Orndorff and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (with Bob Orton) vs Mr T and Hulk Hogan (with Jimmy Snuka)
Wait a minute, they’re showing the main event in its entirety meaning they purposely cut out Brutus Beefcake vs David Sammartino….heh, shows how much they thought of that fiasco. Hogan and Orndorff start and its well documented these 2 have not liked each other for a long time because of their childhood in Tampa where their high schools were football rivals or something to that extent. Orndorff teases going at it before tagging Piper in. Mr T hops up and down saying let me have him so Hogan tags him in. Piper made it clear on his DVD compilation he never liked Mr. T so this feud was more personal than it was business. Piper hated Mr T, Orndorff and Hogan hated each other so this maybe an out and out shoot by the end. Piper and T staredown nose to nose before they exchange slaps to the face before hitting a go-behind takedown. T tries to sit-out/turn in but Piper maintains the ride. Mr T finally switches out of it as Orndorff fires up Piper in their corner. Mr T puts Piper into a fireman’s carry then drops him like yesterday’s newspaper (Monsoon’s words not mine). Piper backs T into his corner where Orndorff gets in then a melee ensues when all 4 men brawl into the corner. Muhammad Ali and Bob Orton get in the ring as Snuka goes upstairs. Ali throws a punch that sends Piper out of the ring then takes a swing at Orton who retreats to the ground. The heels regroup outside as the camera shows Billy Martin laughing his ass off at the proceedings. Piper motions that they’re outta here as Monsoon scoffs and the heels actually leave the area. Patterson counts up to 8 before Hogan stops him and motions for them to come back and the heels in fact do walk back to ringside. Piper and Paul get in the ring to attack Mr T and Hogan but the faces clean house. They hit a double noggin knocker on the heels before Hogan clotheslines Roddy in the corner. Hulk hits a knoggin knocker on Piper and Orndorff before hitting an atomic drop on the rowdy one. Piper and Hogan trade blows before Hulk makes the tag to Mr T then they hit a double clotheslines. T hits a scoop slam on Piper and an arm-drag on an interfering Orndorff. T hits another slam on Piper and headbutts Orndorff before ramming Piper’s head into Hogan’s knee. Make no mistake about it, in terms of physical condition Mr T has the physique that is better than half the WWF roster so had he went into wrestling, he couldn’t have been any worse than anybody the AWA put out in the late 80’s. Hogan rakes the eyes and big boots Piper over the top rope to the floor. Mr Wonderful interferes and clotheslines Hogan out of the ring so Piper grabs a chair and waffles the Hulkster with it. Muhammad Ali chases Piper back in the ring but Orndorff sneaks out and throws Hogan into the ring. Piper puts the boots to Hogan as Orndorff sneaks in a cheap shot of his own. Mr T interferes so Piper and Orndorff double team the Hulkster. Piper and Orndorff execute a double atomic drop on Hogan as Muhammad Ali gets in the ring to chase Piper out. Fans may not be pleased with Ali’s constant interference but from a kayfabe standpoint he’s supposed to be the enforcer and that’s exactly what he’s doing. Patterson has to beg Ali to get out as Orndorff works over Hulk. Orndorff hits a snap suplex as Ventura says he’s the x-factor of this match being the most technically gifted of all 4 men involved…..well 6 including Snuka and Orton outside. Piper tags in and hits windup punches then a knee lift for 1…2..nope, Hogan kicks out. Piper holds Hogan as Paul tags in and hits a forearm to the back of the neck…..One of the unwritten laws of wrestling is not to hit moves on the back of the neck because you’re more prone to actual injuries, but Orndorff would ROUTINELY do this to Hogan in their matches, pissing off the Hulkster legitimately in the process. Paul covers for a near-fall before hitting a nice backbreaker before going upstairs. Orndorff goes for another forearm off the top but misses, before Hogan makes the hot tag to Mr T. T cleans house before Orndorff is able to take him down. Mr T and Orndorff go high school style as Mr T goes for a roll but Paul wizzers to make sure that doesn’t happen. Piper makes the tag then hits a front headlock on B.A. Barabus before T tags Hogan in.  Both heels interfere so Hogan hits a double noggin knocker on them then headlock punches Orndorff until Wonderful counters with a back suplex. Piper interferes but Patterson cuts him off so both Jimmy Snuka and Cowboy Bob get in the ring. Snuka hits a jumping headbutt that sends Orton over the top to the apron. Patterson is distracted by Snuka as Orndorff puts Hogan in a full nelson. Piper and Mr. T go at it as Patterson turns his attention to him as Orton goes upstairs. Orton comes off the top but Hogan moves and Ace catches Orndorff in the back of the head with the cast. Hogan covers as Snuka roughs up Orton and Patterson gets in position..1……2…..3….its overrrrrrrr!!!!  The ring becomes chaos as everyone gets in the ring before Piper knocks out Patterson, spits at Orndorff and takes off with Orton in tow. Back inside Mr T tends to Orndoff as Billy Martin announce Hogan and Mr T the winner. Orndorff springs to life as Snuka, T, Patterson and Hogan back off. The faces celebrate in the ring as Orndorff doesn’t have a clue what happened before heading to the locker-room. Hogan, Mr. T, Muhammad Ali, Pat Patterson, Snuka, Liberace and Billy Martin all pose and celebrate in the ring as the tape ends, least they showed the main event in its entirety.

Time of match: 13:21

Winners: Mr T and Hulk Hogan by pinfall

After the credits roll, the kickass 1985 trumpet theme plays as they plug the upcoming Coliseum Video releases…now THOSE are what people were buying back in 1985-86, not what we just witnessed. I really can’t badmouth this tape too much because it was only advertised as a highlights tape to begin with. Still though, cutting the matches down to bit segments and cutting an entire match really downplays the importance of the event. They may have showed 2 full matches but the show was DRASTICALLY cut to fit on a 45 minute tape. For that I can’t recommend buying it unless you’re trying to complete a collection like me. 1 star out of 5. Since this was the third and final of the short-lived Collector’s Series, just switch over to the normal Coliseum Video reviews that are up already or will be going up. Ironic how this match was the highlights of the first WrestleMania and the next tape will be WRESTLEMANIA 2

Best of the WWF Volume 6 (WF020)

untitled

We’ve made it to Volume 6 of the Best of series and hopefully now we can stay in the present. After RICKY THE DRAGON STEAMBOAT was somewhat of a disappointment, there’s nowhere to go but up. We will see Hogan vs Savage and that’s always entertaining. But will these be the BEST matches? Let’s find out. Cue the 1985 Opening and Gorilla Monsoon is our host today. He says we’re going to see Ricky Steamboat, Jesse Ventura, Hulk Hogan, Randy Savage, Ivan Putski, Johnny Valiant, Lanny Poffo, Terry Funk, midgets and more! Monsoon tells the fans to keep writing so they can provide the very best.
Match 1

“Leaping” Lanny Poffo vs Terry Funk

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Alfred Hays

Always nice to see Lanny in action, I always loved how not once did they ever mention he was the Macho Man’s brother in their respective runs. This match is from July 13, 1985 in Madison Square Garden. Once again, we’re going back to the past. Terry is by himself with no Hart in the red tights and Lanny in the silver. Before the match starts Funk beats up Mel Phillips on the outside before getting in the ring. They lock up and Alfred says Terry’s never been beaten in a bar room brawl. Terry gets the upper hand with right hands before he ducks under a leapfrog. Lanny goes for a move but Terry catches himself and falls into the ropes, causing the crowd to chuckle. Funk goes to work with knife edged chops and a left hand. A headbutt staggers both men before an elbow rocks Poffo. Lanny reverses an irish whip and Funk falls into the ropes again. Lanny caters to the crowd as Funk bails and shouts at the cameraman. Lanny and Funk reverse arm bars before Lanny back flips on his feet and locks in an arm wringer. Lanny gets the foot up on the shoulder for leverage. Funk then slips the leg in and falls backwards, causing Lanny to topple over the top to the floor. Funk screams at the fans and kicks at Poffo. Some guy in a corncob pipe slides Lanny back in the ring. Back inside Terry goes for an atomic drop but Lanny reverses it into one of his own. Funk staggers and bails through the ropes and to the outside. Back inside Funk slaps the chest of Lanny in the corner then rallies with left hands. A series of boxing jabs staggers Lanny as Monsoon bitches at the ref about the closed fists. A headbutt by Funk drops Lanny then goes for the figure four. Lanny powers out of it but eats axehandles to the back. Left elbows in the corner is met with a crescent kick and right hand from Lanny. Poffo wobbles Funk with a series of right hands. Lanny kicks away in the corner but two headbutts stop the momentum. Lanny bounces off the ropes and floors Lanny with a shoulderblock but falls through the ropes again. Terry goes to suplex Lanny to the floor and does, but Lanny wisely landed feet first before he fell. No way was he taking a bump on the cement floor. Funk goes outside and doggie headbutts Poffo before going back in and posing for the irate crowd. Some clown in the crowd says “I’m on tv mom!” as Funk suplexes Lanny back in the ring from the apron. Funk covers for 1….2…negative. Funk pushes the referee who gets in his face and threatens a disqualification. Funk then hits the Rude Awakening years before it was called that then covers for 1…2…no. Lanny hits a sunset flip out of nowhere for a long 2 count and the bell inadvertently rings. Lanny goes to town in the corner and whips Terry who Flair flips in the corner. Lanny kicks him over the top to the apron then snap mares him back in. A scoop slam is a set up for the second rope moonsault which was Lanny’s finisher. He hits it and covers 1…2…nope, didn’t hook the leg. Funk and Poffo trade blows before Terry gets the upper hand. Lanny reverses an irish whip before a frankensteiner stuns Funk, the cover gets 1…2..no. Funk recovers, whips Lanny off and locks in a sleeper hold right in the center of the ring. The fans cheer for Poffo who gets to his feet only for Terry to trip him up again. The ref checks Lanny and calls for the bell. He didn’t submit but the ref called the match for safety. Terry gets the branding iron and brands Lanny on the chest, luckily its not hot so all it leaves is ash. That was a great match that showcased the wily veteran slipping by the hot youngster. Did it belong on a tape like this? Anytime Terry Funk is on a WWF tape is a good thing, so yes.
Time of match: 13:06

Winner: Terry Funk by submission

Next up is the Mega Powers explodeeeeeeeee……3 ½ years early.

Match 2

“Macho Man” Randy Savage (with Miss Elizabeth) vs Hulk Hogan for the WWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Alfred Hays

This match is from December 30, 1985 in Madison Square Garden. Hogan comes out to Real American for the first time in Coliseum Video history and is in the yellow tights. Savage is in the neon pink tights for this one. Hogan and Savage tie up and Hogan throws him to the ground. Savage gets a headlock in but is whipped off and shoulderblocked. Hogan chases Savage out of the ring and follows him to the floor. Savage gets Elizabeth to safety as Hogan taunts from the outside. Savage tosses a chair to the ring and Alfred says that accomplished nothing. They tie up and Savage gets a thumb to the eye and a snap mare. A knee drop stuns the champ and Hogan fakes Savage out. Savage went to jump on Hogan on the rope, but Hulk moved and Savage crashed to the mat. Hogan hits two right hands that send Savage into the corner. Hogan whips Savage into the other corner and clotheslines him down. Hogan hits an atomic drop that sends Savage through the ropes and to the outside. Hogan goes to attack Savage but Randy pulls Elizabeth in front of him. The crowd and Monsoon scoff as Hogan gets back in and demands Savage join him. Randy recovers and snap mares him. He goes upstairs but Hogan catches Randy mid-air and delivers a backbreaker. Savage bails and Hogan follows, then Randy pulls Elizabeth in front of him again. Savage tells the camera man to get lost before shouting at the irate crowd. Hogan nails Savage from behind and throws him into the ring. Savage alertly catches the champ with a knee then quickly goes upstairs and hits and axehandle. Savage covers for 1…2…nope. Savage throws Hogan to the outside then goes up to the top. An axehandle smash on the cement floor connects and Hogan is stunned. Savage slides in to break the count as Savage continues to go to work on the outside. Back inside Savage stomps away at the Hulkster then rallies with kicks and elbows. Another cover gets a 1, try hooking the leg! Hogan then Hulks Up and no-sells Savage’s punches. Hogan clotheslines Savage then stomps on his head. Hogan whips Randy off and big boots him to the outside. Hulk follows to the outside and Elizabeth stands over him. Hulk picks her up and throws her into the crowd….just kidding. He gently places her out of the way and throws Randy back inside. Randy is whipped off the ropes but gets a boot to the head. Randy goes for the flying elbow and HITS IT!!! He covers for 1……2….NOOOOOOO. Savage thinks he’s won it but the referee says no way. Savage turns around, sees Hogan coming and ducks, causing Hogan to clothesline Dick Kroll. Kroll is knocked goofy and Savage nails Hogan to the floor. Randy grabs the title belt and axehandles Hogan with it. Back inside Savage picks Kroll up and has him count Hulk out….IDIOT! You can’t win the title that way. Sure enough, the ref completes the count and Savage wins the match. Hulk is busted wide open as Elizabeth straps the belt around Savage. Fink gets in the ring and announces Savage the winner…..but….Hogan is still the champion. Savage goes berserk and knocks out Dick Kroll, then carries Elizabeth to the back…before Hogan stops him. Hogan nails Randy then picks him up in a fireman’s carry. Hogan rallies with right hands then clotheslines the Macho Man. Hulk picks his belt up and taunts Savage much to the crowd’s delight. Hogan whips Randy off but swings and misses with the belt. Savage beats a hasty to retreat as someone in the crowd holds up a Hogan Halloween mask. Monsoon says Hulk is guts personified. That was a great match with absolutely no rest holds. Did it belong on a tape like this? HELL YEAH! This was just a taste of things to come when these two would main event Wrestlemania 5.

Time of match: 10 minutes

Winner: Randy Savage by count-out (Hogan retains)

We go from two great matches to T.N.T. with Jesse Ventura with Alfred Hays hosting. Alfred opens a WWF Magazine and asks Ventura who’s better, him or Corporal Kirchner. Jesse “I was a former Navy Seal and we called those army guys ‘pukes’. Anyone who’s been in the military knows Navy Seals run circles around those pukes.” We go to Vince in the crowd with Robert Reid (no not the Houston Rockets player) who asks where Ventura got his ridiculous costumes. Ventura nonchalantly answers that its not a costume, its how he dresses. “One set of my clothes could probably buy your car.” Next up is Roger Korman (no not the famous movie director) and he wants to know if Rachel Ward is jealous of Miss Elizabeth being Jesse’s sidepiece. Jesse says there’s nothing going on between him and Elizabeth and Ward is old news. Finally an older man in a business suit named Phil Burke who’s nervous because Jesse is his favorite. He then babbles a question that’s too advanced for Jesse and Jesse says he can’t understand what he’s saying. We cut here thankfully. That looked to be heading in a funny direction and it was killed dead. No idea why this is on the tape other than to showcase Jesse. Next up is the midgets…..oh shit.

Match 3

Butch Cassidy vs The Haiti Kid

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Alfred Hays

Just what we needed, a midget match on a ‘best of’ tape. This better be good. This was on the December 30, 1985 Madison Square Garden undercard of Savage vs Hogan from earlier because you can see the exact same fans in the exact same spots. Haiti Kid is in the black trunks and Butch in ridiculous looking polka dotted long tights. At least Cassidy is well built. If he was 8 inches taller he could give Rey Mysterio Jr a run for his money. Monsoon says he’s almost as tall as referee Gil Roman. Haiti Kid chases Butch to the apron as Monsoon says midget matches were his favorite. He lists off Sky Low Low (of BLOOPERS, BLEEPS AND BODYSLAMS), Fuzzy Cupid, Lord Littlebrook (who would make an appearance 2 years later) and Little Beaver (of BIGGEST, SMALLEST, STRANGEST, STRONGEST). They tie up and Haiti Kid makes a clean break on the ropes. Butch backs Haiti in the ropes and clean breaks. Kid armdrags Cassidy twice and he complains about the tights pull. Kid gets in a headlock, Butch whips him off and eats a shoulder block. Kid bounces off the ropes, jumps over a confused Butch and scoop slams him. Butch eats two arm drags and locks in an arm bar. Monsoon says on his knees, Butch is as tall as Haiti Kid and if he grew any taller he’d be out of a job. Butch sends Kid off the ropes, leapfrogs over him but Kid reverses an arm drag. A backdrop stuns Cassidy and a standing dropkick sends Butch to his knees. Butch begs off and Haiti Kid rolls him up…and the ref doesn’t bother to count. Kid holds him for a good 10 seconds and Gil still doesn’t bother to make a count. Finally Cassidy lays flat on his back and Roman counts 1 before Kid pulls him up by the legs and midget spins him. Kid snaps the nose 3 stooges style and floors him with a right hand. Then they do the “one midget gets pinned, other one pushes him off into the ref’s arms and he drops him back on top” routine. Kid pushes the referee as everyone howls with laughter. Even Cassidy gives him a shove for good measure. Monsoon says Cassidy and Roman would make a good match. Butch takes Kid down with a go behind, Kid sits out, turns in and escapes. Monsoon asks if you can imagine being a high school wrestling coach with a 99 pound wrestler as a freshman who was still 99 as a senior? I’ve seen it happen. Cassidy wins a test of strength and goes to stomp on the hands, but Kid pulls them back in time, double stomps the feet of Cassidy who lands flat on his ass. Kid motions he’s going to kick Cassidy in the gonads but instead slingshots him across the ring. A series of chops send Cassidy into the second rope. Kid whips him off, nails him with a double chop, drops an elbow and covers for 1,….2….negative. Kid rams Cassidy into the second turnbuckle. Kid goes to town on Cassidy before nailing him with his finisher, the headbutt. He covers and gets the 1…2…NO. Cassidy slipped his arm through. Butch begs off and goes for a handshake only for Kid to bite him on the hand. Cassidy responds with an eye gouge and an elbow to the head. He rams Haiti Kid’s head into the buckle who no sells it and taunts Cassidy. A headbutt staggers Cassidy and two more stun him, A dropkick connects and Kid makes the cover 1….2..no, foot on the rope. Cassidy calls for time as Monsoon scoffs. Back inside Cassidy works over Kid in the corner, whips him to the other corner and hits a knee to the ribs. An elbow to the head is followed by a reversal of a whip by Kid and a backdrop, sending Cassidy on his back. Three chops drop Cassidy but a sloppy cover only gets two. Kid executes a swinging neckbreaker as someone in the crowd shouts to put him in a piledriver. An eye rake stops Kid’s momentum. Cassidy whips him off and executes a beautiful dropkick then an equally impressive snap suplex. Cassidy covers for 1…..2….nope. A gassed Cassidy scoop slams Kid and covers for a two count, forgot to hook the leg. Cassidy gets him up and executes a reverse shoulderbreaker. That should have done it but he has no gas left. A criss cross ends with Kid putting Cassidy in an airplane spin. Both men are staggering around but Kid recovers enough to shoulderblock Cassidy to the ground. Kid bounces off the ropes and Cassidy goes for the drop down but the alert Kid gets the feet in position and Little Louie rolls Cassidy for the 1..2…..3 and its over. WOW! I’m shocked…stunned! That was a good midget match. Yes it had some silly tactics but it wasn’t over the top silly and the guys actually put on a decent story. Does it belong on a tape like this, well this was probably the best midget match I ever saw so YES!

Time of match: 10:32

Winner: Haiti Kid by pinfall

We go back to the archives for the next match.

Match 4

Ivan Putski vs “Luscious” Johnny Valiant (with Captain Lou Albano)

Commentator: Vince McMahon

September 24, 1979 at Madison Square Garden saw a non-roided Putski take on Johnny in singles action. The Valiant’s were the reigning tag team champions and ironically it would be Putski and Tito Santana that would have the next title shot a month later. Johnny is in the long blue tights with white stars on them and Putski is in the black trunks. They announce Putski as undefeated and the guy’s thighs are enormous. This look NOTHING like the Hulkamania Putski we’d later see. Referee Terry Terranova has a problem getting Putski back to start the match and of course Lou Albano doesn’t help matters. Putski stalks Albano across the ring until Valiant attacks from behind with forearms. The bell rings and Valiant rakes the eyes. Valiant contines to work with boots to the gut who Putski no-sells. Headlock punches has the ref ticked about the open fist. More punches are no sold as Putski begins to get mad. Putski then goes wild with right hands until Valiant bails to the apron. Putski turns his back for one second and Valiant goes back to work with throat chops. Valiant pounds away as the crowd tries to rev up Putski. Ivan gets in a side headlock and two punches stun Valiant. Johnny goes down and begs off as Ivan stomps away. A Headlock has the crowd roaring and 3 headlocked punches has Johnny stunned. A big headbutt as Valiant staggering into the corner and Putski rams his own head into the buckle to psych himself up. Valiant drops to his knees and wants a handshake, Putski will have none of it. The crowd says no and on cue Putski drops Valiant with a right hand. Valiant sells it tremendously and Putski hip tosses Valiant halfway across the ring. Ivan whips Johnny off and backdrops him to the center of the ring. Valiant begs off again but gets the eye gouge in. More punches rock Ivan until he whips Johnny off the ropes. Ivan drops down twice before nailing Valiant with THE POLISH HAMMERRRRR….right in the chest. The crowd roars as Putski hits an aftershock splash for 1….2….3 its over. Madison Square Garden roars as Putski remains undefeated. Valiant retreats as we go to the replay to see Putski wallop Valiant with the Polish Hammer. Vince “Lusicous Johnny is not so luscious anymore”.  As a catch as catch can match, that was the drizziling shits. In terms of entertainment, selling and storytelling, that was a fun 4 minutes. The crowd was into it and everyone wanted to see the hammer, and they got it. Valiant was an average wrestler but he could talk, which is how he made the transition to manager. Does this match belong on a tape like this? Usually no but its for nostalgia purposes.
Time of match: 4:31

Winner: Ivan Putski by pinfall
Remember Freddie Blassie, Bobby Heenan and Lou Albano giving love advice on T.N.T.? Now its Lord Alfred Hays’ turn. I swear TNT was a god awful abomination but it got more play on these tapes than Championship Wrestling. All-Star Wrestling and almost every other program in syndication. We only have about 20 minutes of tape left so hopefully this will be quick and painless. Alfred is in his standard tux while Vince is in a dress shirt and dress pants. He asks Alfred what the difference is between English love and American love. Alfred says the gentlemen needs to hold hands while wearing gloves on the first date. He says on a second date you could go for a stroll in the park and kissing on the cheek could be too much action. Vince wants some action and says to jump to the 5th date. Alfred says on the 5th date you hug her but no kissy kissy. Vince “We’re getting nowhere fast here. How long would it take to become intimate!” Alfred  “Well on a normal courtship, I’d say about 5 to 6 months you’d finally get a kiss on the lips.” Vince pauses to milk the crowd’s laughter than says “Thank you for joining us. We’ll be back after this.”  Well that was funny but not in the classic sense. Alfred really did sound serious while Vince really was looking for some down and dirty action. Good news was the segment was short, but it sure as hell doesn’t belong on this kind of tape. Save it for something else. Anyway, onto the final match.
Match 5

Ricky Steamboat vs “Cowboy” Bob Orton

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Gene Okerlund
Well at least we’ll end the tape with a great match since everything Ricky did in the 80’s usually was great. Actually this is the exact same match featured on BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 3 only without some of the edits so I’ll just re-post. Orton’s in the green trunks with Steamboat in the black, plus Orton still has the cast on. Orton comes off the ropes and narrowly avoids a karate kick. Orton bails to the outside and complains to the ref before slowly making his way back to the ring. Steamboat gives Orton crap about the cast on his arm before the tie up. Steamboat eats a shoulderblock but leapfrogs Orton and armdrags him. Steamboat wrenches the “injured” arm and does a number on it. Ricky whips Orton into the corner and chops him. Orton falls and Ricky continues to work over the left shoulder. Orton begs off but Steamboat shakes his head nooooo. Orton tries to bail but Ricky drags him back into the ring via the top rope. Steamboat goes back to the arm wringer, blocks a punch and continues to go to town on him. Steamboat wrenches the hammerlock with his FEET and falls backward twice. Ricky continues to work the arm with a kneedrop. Orton recovers and catches Ricky with a boot to the ribs. Ricky reverses a whip but Orton baseball slides right into a big chop from the future Dragon. Another armdrag takes Orton down as Okerlund says we’re witnessing something special. Ricky has the arm-bar locked in but Bob counters with a scoop slam. Ricky quickly recovers and scoop slams Orton. ANOTHER arm drag has the crowd popping. Monsoon shills the action until Orton gets to his feet. He tries a hiptoss but Ricky blocks it. Orton finally powers out of an arm-bar with a headbutt in the corner. A big forearm is followed by hiptossing Steamboat halfway across the ring. Orton executes a flying head scissors but the second attempted misses and he flails over the top rope to the floor. Orton grabs a fan’s drink and throws it at Steamboat who sells it like he had acid thrown on him. Orton goes on offense as Okerlund says the fan must be pissed without actually saying that. A big punch is followed by ramming Ricky’s head into the buckle. Orton lands another big right and follows it with a facebuster. A knee lift drops Ricky as Orton poses for the crowd and gets a decent pop actually. Orton still sells the arm wringers from earlier (a lost art today) but still catches Steamboat with a right hand. Orton applies a neck wrench and takes Steamboat to his knees with it. Orton snaps the neck then drops an elbow to the throat, but the cover only gets a two. Orton applies a rest-hold and goes to drop the cast on Ricky….but he moves out of the way in time. Orton sells the left arm and Ricky catches him with a chop. Ricky goes for the scoop slam but collapses with Orton on top 1…2..noooo, too close. Orton goes back to the standing chinlock then slams him down. Think of a rock bottom but without going underneath the arm. Orton covers for a deuce then shouts at the crowd “I came this close” and poses. Okerlund says that means nothing and Orton methodically stalks Ricky. They trade blows in the center of the ring before Ricky gets the upper hand with chops in the corner. A big right drops Orton but Bob counters with a punch to the ribs. Orton goes for a piledriver but is backdropped by Steamboat. Ricky goes up to the top rope and delivers the flying crossbody for 1…2..NOOOOOO. Orton becomes the first guy ever to kick out of Steamboat’s finisher. Ricky sends Orton off the ropes and catches him with a back elbow smash. A karate chop to the head is followed by a cover for 1….2…no. Okerlund “Come on Richard, gotta hook the leg.” Orton counters with an inverted atomic drop and throws Ricky over the top rope, but Steamboat skins the cat back in. Steamboat catches Orton with a running enziguri and Orton throws himself over the rope to the floor. Orton gets back on the apron and is met with a right hand. The ref tries to stop Steamboat from attacking which allows Orton enough time to get in an eye gouge. Orton goes to superplex Steamboat outside but Ricky counters by suplexing him back in. Ricky goes for a big splash but Orton gets his knees up. Bob adjusts his cast then goes up to the top rope. Stemboat staggers into a big left forearm off the top. The ref notices Orton used the cast and calls for the bell….WOW! A classic match ends with a cheap ending. The ref raises Ricky’s arm in victory and Orton goes berserk in protest. Orton chases Ricky with the cast but Steamboat ducks under and chops him. A series of chops sends Orton retreating to the back as Steamboat stands tall in the ring. We go to the instant replay with Okerlund and Monsoon giving their two cents Outstanding showing by both guys and Orton keeps his heat despite the loss. Did this belong on a tape like this? Considering it belonged on Volume 3, it definitely belongs on Volume 6.
Time of match: 12:37

Winner: Ricky Steamboat by DQ
The credits roll with the orchestral theme and this one’s history. Before we finish we get our standard 3 previews. BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 7, VILLAINS OF THE SQUARED CIRCLE and BRUNO SAMMARTINO: WRESTLING’S LIVING LEGEND. That was a pretty damn good tape. The TNT segments were useless but 4 of the 5 matches were special.  The action was solid even though the tape only ran 75 minutes. At least we saw the Steamboat/Orton match in its entirety after it was clipped for the tape it was previously on. The only gripe I have is that the calendar had turned to 1986 but they were still showing matches from 1985 and prior. A lot of guys from the old guard plus even from 85 such as Jimmy Snuka were gone. The tag team era was about to take place with the Killer Bees, Hart Foundation, British Bulldogs and others while newcomers like Randy Savage and Ricky Steamboat were going to match the NWA’s highly touted cast of wrestlers. The problem was none of the tag teamers were featured here. It’s a shame they couldn’t clip a tag match in there just to showcase them. Still, the tape was pretty much a sneak preview of the future with Ricky Steamboat, Randy Savage and Hogan lighting up the cards. As for this tape, 4 stars out of 5. The Valiant match didn’t really belong and the TNT skits were useless. They could have substituted the skits with another match. I still HIGHLY recommend this tape. The next tape after this will get a little tricky, instead of the next video in the main lineage, we will look at the “Collector’s Series” beginning with WWF’S GREATEST MATCHES.

WWF Grudge Matches (WF018)

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As 1986 was in full force, BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 5 still went back to 85 and earlier. This tape appears to be doing the same with only one match being from this year. Looking at some of the matches listed, it does make for a good tape but if you’re trying to promote new action, going back to the past becomes repetitive after 18 tapes. Still, I can’t blame Vince for when you have so much footage in the library and can only show it in 90 minute intervals (DVD’s were still nearly 15 years away), guess it takes 18-20 tapes to cover everything. This tape will showcase some of the best grudges of the past decade apparently so let’s stoke it up. Cue the 1985 opening and Gorilla Monsoon is our host today wearing a red bow-tie. Monsoon says they have received “thousands of requests” for these matches. We get a montage of the matches we’re about to see. Hulk Hogan takes on Don Muraco, star of Fuji General. Monsoon warns the fans at home that these matches will be unusually violent and bloody. Now we’re talkin’. He sends us to our first match, the champ himself.
Match 1

Don “The Magnificent” Muraco (with Mr. Fuji) vs Hulk Hogan for the WWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Gene Okerlund.

May 20, 1985 in Madison Square Garden saw Hogan defend the title against Muraco in a “return bout”. Muraco has the blue trunks on while Hogan comes out in the white trunks. Coliseum Video overdubs with a Monsoon voiceover so Vince doesn’t have to pay royalties on Eye of The Tiger. Muraco attacks Hogan as he gets in the ring so he still has on the belt, headband and the t-shirt on. Muraco tears at the shirt and puts the boots to the Hulkster. The belt falls off as Muraco pounds Hogan all across the ring. Muraco chokes Hogan with Hulk’s t-shirt. Muraco catches Hogan with right hands in the corner before Hogan rallies with right hands and a headbutt of his own that sends Muraco through the ropes and to the outside. Hogan chases and clotheslines him. He delivers an atomic drop on the floor, removes the ripped shirt and chokes Muraco with it. Hogan throws Muraco back in and removes his headband. Hogan puts the boots to Muraco in the corner, whips him across and clotheslines him with the t-shirt. Hogan drops Muraco then scoop slams him. Hogan drops the big elbow and follows with right hands. There’s a sign in the crowd that says “Beach bum” in reference to Muraco. Hogan pounds on Don outside until Muraco grabs a nearby chair and nails Hulk with it. Hogan takes the chair and clocks Muraco in the back with it. Hogan rolls in and out to break the count then pounds on Muraco. Okerlund says Don is busted wide open except he’s not. Back inside Hogan executes a back suplex and throws Muraco over the top rope to the outside. Its funny how the WWF was the only promotion not to utilize the “over the top rope DQ” gimmick. Hogan rams Muraco into the steel post head first. Hogan poses on the apron as Okerlund once again says Muraco is busted open only now he really is. Hogan bites the wound and suplexes him from the apron into the ring. Hogan calls for the big leg drop as Okerlund says not to waste time. Hogan scoop slams Muraco, runs off the ropes and hits the big leg drop. Goodnight 1…2…..nope, Fuji puts the foot on the ropes. The crowd cheers and the bell rings prematurely, but this one’s not over. Fuji hands salt to Muraco and when Hogan comes over, Don hits him right between the eyes. The referee sees it and calls for the bell. Muraco doesn’t even bother dealing further damage, he gets the hell out of there and retreats to the back with Fuji. Hogan staggers around the ring as Howard Finkel announces the champ the victor. Hogan is mad and wants Muraco to come back but we cut here. This was actually a good little post-Wrestlemania feud going between Hogan and Muraco that will be settled another time. This one was pretty quick and to the point with no rest holds. Good stuff.

Time of match: 6:12

Winner: Hulk Hogan by DQ (still champion)
Moving right along to the next match.
Match 2:

Junkyard Dog vs Terry Funk (with Jimmy Hart)

Commentators: Vince McMahon and Bruno Sammartino

The most recent match on the tape from January 28, 1986 edition of Saturday Night’s Main Event sees a rarity, Terry Funk in a WWF ring. He goes to attack Howard Finkel during introductions and he’s got the red trunks on. Monsoon does a voiceover so Vince doesn’t have to pay royalties on Another One Bites The Dust. JYD has the long red tights on. Funk attacks him as he gets to the ring and they brawl outside. Funk cuts him off in the ring but eats a backdrop from JYD. A scoop slam is followed by doggie headbutts that sends Funk outside to the cement floor. Its funny Hart is the manager of Funk as there was a feud in Memphis wrestling years earlier that saw Funk team with Koko B Ware and Jerry Lawler against Hart’s crew. Funk regroups with Hart outside the ring as the crowd chants “JYD”. Some fan holds up a Beware of Dog sign as Funk eats right hands and then rams Terry’s head into the buckle 10 times. He repeats the process in the other corner as Funk staggers around. Into a third corner JYD rams him 5 times before Hart has enough and grabs the leg. No wonder Funk is crazy, he just ate 25 shots to the buckle. JYD chases Jimmy Hart outside of the ring as Vince says he’s running for his life. Back inside Dog hits a clothesline and covers for a two count. JYD headbutts Terry who ties himself up in the ropes Andre style. Jimmy goes to whack JYD in the back with the branding iron but JYD cuts him off and takes it away by sending Hart to the buckle. Terry can’t break free as the crowd cheers when JYD teases branding Terry with it. All of a sudden, Dory Funk Jr hits the ring in full suit and tie. He takes his cowboy boot off and waffles Dog in the back with it. Vince and Bruno recognize Dory and wonder how he got there, meaning this was Dory’s TV debut. The Funk brothers stomp JYD as an irate fan throws a cup of something into the ring. Jimmy hart takes his shirt and jacket off then pounds on JYD. Its funny because Jimmy still has his tie on. A host of jobbers enter the ring to save JYD as the Funks and Harts scatter. We cut to an entirely different SNME so that ends this match. It was hot and it set up the big Wrestlemania 2 tag match. Always great to see heel Terry.

Time of match: 4:30

Winner: Junkyard Dog by DQ

We cut to an interview with Mean Gene and JYD who says its his day…get it? Every dog has its day? Nevermind.
Match 2

Junkyard Dog vs Terry Funk (with Jimmy Hart)

Commentators: Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura

Believe it or not, this match pre-dates the last one. This was on the November 1, 1985 episode of Saturday Night’s Main Event and it was a rematch after Funk branded JYD during a prior encounter. JYD in the long red tights attacks Terry on the apron before he can get his hat and chaps off. JYD brings Funk in and drops him with a right hand, then goes outside to chase Jimmy Hart. Funk gets on the second rope and JYD pulls the leg, crotching Terry on the top rope. Terry hobbles around the ring then goes outside as Jimmy Hart comes out from under the ring. Funk gets the chaps off and he’s in the black trunks in this one. Funk scoop slams JYD inside but misses the big elbow drop. JYD scoop slams Terry to the mat then scoops him up and drops him over the top to the cement floor. Jimmy runs over to pick his man up and Funk rolls on top of him and threatens to punch him out thinking its JYD. Terry walks back in and they lock up,. JYD sends him into the corner and scoop slams him. He doggie headbutts him until Funk does his Fred Sanford jab routine, flopping to the apron. The crowd chants JYD as Terry literally goes outside and jumps over the fan barrier to threaten someone. As Funk makes his way back in, Vince says a win by Funk should vault him into a future title shot against Hogan. How sweet would have that been, a former NWA Champion against the WWF Champion? Hart trips up JYD inside the ring and he bails to go after him. Ventura scoffs but JYD catches up with Jimmy only to see Terry coming up from behind. Dog backdrops Terry onto the floor as Ventura says “I hope he’s proud of himself!” Back inside JYD headbutts Terry but Funk comes back with boxing jabs and an uppercut. Terry covers for a two count then catches the Dog in a sleeper hold. The crowd chants JYD as Hart celebrates outside the ring. JYD powers out of it and ducks under a clothesline to lock in a sleeper of his own. Jimmy hops up on the apron and JYD drops Funk in the middle of the ring. JYD tries to bring in Jimmy but Hart actually lands neck first in the ring, very dangerous. Hart’s ok and he begs off before trying to slide under the ring. JYD catches him by the foot and drags him back in. Hart holds onto the rope and the ref tries to get JYD to let go, not noticing Funk waffling JYD from behind with the megaphone. Terry gets rid of the evidence and makes the cover 1…2…..3 goodnight. Hart brings the branding iron into the ring and Funk goes to brand JYD but he catches it at the last second. He waffles Funk with the iron who falls through the ropes to the outside. JYD finally gets his hands on Jimmy and decks him with a right hand, the fans go nuts. JYD takes Jimmy’s pants off and headbutts Terry. Ventura “This is ridiculous!” JYD holds Hart down and brands Jimmy on the ass, causing the little runt to squeal and squirm much to the crowd’s delight and Ventura’s disgust. Funk wins the match but JYD gets the last word. Like I said, this feud would culminate at Wrestlemania 2…but for now JYD gets one over on Funk and Hart. Modern day hipster geeks may not like the fact there were no triple flips and moonsaults, but this was a grudge match and that’s what the fans got.  Good stuff.
Time of match: 5:10

Winner: Terry Funk by pinfall
No nonsense, just the next match.
Match 4

Ivan Koloff vs Bruno Sammartino for the WWWF Heaveyweight Championship

Commentator: Gorilla Monsoon

No, not THAT match from 1971 when Koloff took the title. This was from November 17, 1975 during Bruno’s second reign. The storyline was pretty simple, Koloff beat him for the title once before and thought he could do it again. Bruno’s in the light blue tights and van is in his standard black singlet. We’re joined in progress as Koloff pounds on Bruno in the corner. Ivan sends Bruno into the corner and boots him. Gorilla on commentary says Bruno had a broken clavicle the night he lost the title to Ivan the first time. A criss-cross ends with both men colliding. Referee John Snyder counts both men but Bruno gets up and puts Ivan in a headlock. Bruno gets shot off and a shoulderblock by Ivan sends Bruno through the ropes to the outside. By the way, want to know why this match was 40 years ago yet both men are still alive today? They’re 100 percent all natural strength and conditioning. No pain pills, no steroids, no uppers, no downers, no cross country flights with 3 hours sleep and no 8 hours at the gym ruining their joints to keep their herculean physiques so they don’t lose their jobs. Bruno climbs back in and Ivan rams his head into the buckle. Bruno drops Ivan with a double kick to the eyes.Right hands stuns the big Russian and he gets dropped with a big kick in the ribs. Some felts pelt the ring with garbage as Bruno continues to attack. We TAPE EDIT and Bruno plays a game of mercy with Ivan. Monsoon says this match was 8 or 9 years ago so Monsoon’s overdub is from 1983-84. Ivan wins the game of strength with boots to the ribs. Both men trade blows and Bruno rams Ivan’s head into the buckle before whipping him into the other corner. Bruno stomps away on the Russian and stands on him as Ivan’s face tells the story. Ivan recovers to get a headlock in and he nails Bruno with a shoulderblock. Bruno counters with a back drop and knees to the back. A chinlock is applied before Bruno locks in the bearhug, Bruno’s finisher. We TAPE EDIT to Koloff still trapped in the bear hug. A thumb to the eye stops the momentum and Koloff bails to the outside. Monsoon is acting like Koloff is the champion even though he’s not. If this was 1975, Bruno is the champ. Hell, Bruno never had a rematch after Ivan took the title in 1971, Pedro Morales got the first crack and beat him. Ivan rams Bruno in the corner and chokes him with the boot. Koloff pounds on Bruno who’s busted wide open. The ref checks the wound and Koloff continues to pound away. The ref halts the bout and tells the ringside doctor to get in here and check. Yes, back then they had legitimate doctors at ringside to give the match legitimacy. The doc checks and Bruno says get the hell out the way. The doc leaves as Bruno gets fired up. He pounds away at Ivan before sending him out of the ring. We TAPE EDIT again and both men are in the center of the ring. They trade blows before the ref steps in and Ivan clocks him by accident. All of a sudden Tony Parisi and Dominic Denucci hit the ring to break up the fight as the bell rings. Monsoon himself, Blackjack Lanza, Blackjack Mulligan, Arnie Skaaland and a few others hit the ring as well to restrain the two. Bruno is declared the winner by DQ as Monsoon says Koloff keeps the title……Bruno was the champ, sorry Gorilla. After the decision is announced, the two break free and go at it again. Monsoon on commentary says he took a couple of shots in there too. Monsoon also says Arnie has blood all over his suit and he’s not happy about it. Wild brawl and the tape edits actually kept the action moving.  Old school wrestling may not look as crisp as choreographed, but at least it was presented as real. When was the last time a legit doctor was present at ringside?
Time of match: Joined in progress

Winner: Bruno Sammartino by DQ (still champion)
No BS, on to the next match.
Match 5

Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (with Lou Albano) vs Tito Santana for the WWF Intercontinental Championship

Commentators: Jack Reynolds and King Kong Mosca

Ask and you shall receive. I wondered in Best of the WWF Volume 5 if we’d ever see the Valentine/Santana title changes and here we are. September 24, 1984 broadcast of All-Star Wrestling had Santana the defending champion against the Hammer. Monsoon blows the ending of the match as Santana comes out in the red tights. Albano in the ring taunts him and Santana is distracted long enough for Valentine to sneak in a few cheap shots to Tito’s left leg. Tito hobbles around outside while Valentine in the black tights celebrates in the ring with Albano for the dastardly deed. Btw, Jack Reynolds was a veteran announcer and Mosca was an ex-football player turned wrestler. Hell, think Tony Schiavonne and Steve McMichael only less annoying. Santana hobbles inside amidst a “Tito!”chant as the bell rings. We TAPE EDIT right off the bat and now a sweaty Santana backs Valentine in the corner who begs off. Valentine catches Tito and goes to work on the left leg. Santana rallies with right hands as Mosca says Santana has heart. Valentine drops Santana and goes for the figure four but Tito kicks him. Mosca “This is the hour of power Jack! I’ve never seen anything more exciting in my life!” Ok, maybe I was wrong about the less annoying part. Anyway Valentine slugs Santana in the ropes and continues to work over the left leg. A “Tito!” chant breaks out as he catches Valentine with the Flying Forearm. He crawls over and makes the cover..1….2…3!!!! Noooooo…the bell rings but the ref waves it off. Valentine’s foot was outside the ring. Santana celebrates thinking he’s won but the ref says now. Valentine gets a knee to the back and Santana drops to the ground. Valentine covers and hooks the leg for 1…2….3 WE GOT A NEW CHAMPION!!! The fans are totally confused as Albano gets in the ring with the belt. Mosca cries foul as Albano and Valentine celebrate with the title. Santana rolls around in agony as Albano shows the belt to the referee with a big cigar in his mouth. Red Auerbach would approve of the victory cigar. The announcer gives the crowd the bad news as Valentine is the new champ. After the match, Valentine attacks Santana and applies the figure four. The ref doesn’t do anything to stop Greg and Santana screams in agony. Valentine releases the hold and leaves with the belt. The match was drastically edited for this tape’s purpose but the point was showing how Santana lost the belt which sets up the big grudge match later.

Time of match: clipped

Winner: Greg Valentine
Now we go to a vignette of Santana in a hospital bed saying he’s about to have surgery on the injured leg. All fine and dandy but he’s wearing sunglasses for some reason. Santana says he’s got torn cartilage and maybe a torn ligament and he’s about to go into surgery. A montage of Tito being prepped for surgery is shown to give some legitimacy to the angle. A doctor says he’s going to scope the knee as a telephone rings. Tito is wheeled into the operating room, prepped and put under. This was a very real procedure going on, they wouldn’t go through this much trouble if his leg was not seriously hurt. We cut to post-op where an out of it Santana says the surgery was a success. You can tell he had anesthesia because he talks softly and looks goofy. He stutters and says the cartilage tear was worse but its all taken care of. He says “you can bet your butt Greg Valentine that I will get better, and I will come after you, and payback will be hell. Arriba.” See how easy that was? Rather than come up with some stupid storyline that Greg wants Tito’s wife or he’s jealous that Tito was on TV, all he did was injure the guy and put him out of action. Fans garner sympathy for Santana while Valentine mocks him on TV any chance he gets which sets up the long awaited return bout…..which is next.

Match 6

Tito Santana vs Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (with Jimmy Hart) for the WWF Intercontinental Championship in a steel cage match

Commentator: Gorilla Monsoon
After almost a year, Santana gets his long awaited rematch for the title on July 6, 1985 in the Baltimore Civic Center and its in the obligatory cage match. Valentine has nowhere to hide and Jimmy Hart can’t save him. I already covered in a previous tape that Hart replaced Albano as Greg’s manager so no need to talk about it further. Valentine is in the black trunks and Santana in the red. Santana grabs Valentine and brings him in the ring the hard way as referee Dick Woehrle slams the cage door shut. Santana is fired up and Valentine paces around with nowhere to go. Valentine goes for a forearm but Santana rallies with right hands. Valentine recovers and goes for the door but Santana stops him. Santana rams Greg’s head into the buckle as Monsoon says the only ways to win are over the top or through the door, no pinfall or submission. Santana makes a break for it but Valentine catches him. Santana slugs away on Greg but Valentine drops him with a big forearm. Greg makes a break for it but Santana has him by the foot. Hart bellows into the megaphone but thankfully Monsoon’s overdub drowns him out. Valentine goes to ram Tito into the cage but Santana blocks it. On the other side of the ring, Santana blocks another ram job as Monsoon scoffs at Jimmy Hart. Valentine drops a hammer as Hart laughs maniacally. Greg goes to leave over the top but Santana stops him. Tito fires away at Greg’s left leg as both men climb up the cage. Monsoon says Tito has a handful of tights and we could get x-rated here. Luckily Greg’s tights stay up and Tito drops Valentine down with right hands. Valentine crotches Santana then puts the boots to him. Hammer delivers a shoulderbreaker as Hart laughs again. Greg calls for the door but a Santana lunge stops him at the last second. Santana does pull on the tights but the camera angle doesn’t show it thanfully. Santana goes for the door but Greg stops him. Greg pounds away on Santana and tries to go out only for Santana to drop him in the center of the ring. Greg drags Santana into the ring and goes for the figure four, but Tito kicks him off. Valentine unloads with right hands and sends Tito off the ropes where Santana ducks under the clothesline and waffles Valentine with the flying jalepeno as Heenan calls it. Somehow Greg gets to his feet first and he nails Santana with a back suplex. Monsoon praises Valentine’s discipline as Tito blocks Greg from leaving the cage. Greg picks up Santana and drives him backwards into the cage. Greg rams his head into the cage as the crowd chants for Santana. Valentine puts the boots to Tito then stuns him with a series of right hands. Greg tosses Santana head first into the cage then climbs the second rope. An elbow right between the eyes connects and Tito is busted wide open. Valentine goes to leave but Tito stops him just in time. Santana nails Valentine with a right hand and he flops. A big elbow drop floors Santana but a second figure four attempt is blocked. Tito kicks Valentine head first into the cage and staggers around. He climbs to the top rope and gets one foot out of the cage. Tito drops Valentine with a right hand and gets both feet over the top of the cage. Valentine goes for the door but Santana kicks it shut in Greg’s face. Santana drops to the floor and WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!!! Santana regains the title although Greg is not happy. Greg smashes the belt around the ring as Santana gets back in the ring. Valentine is pelted with garbage as he throws the belt into the cage and walks out disgusted. Santana picks the belt up and holds it up, its all busted up. This would lead to a new belt being made who’s design would last from 1985 to 1998. Ring announcer Mel Phillips announces Santana the new champion. Tito puts the belt on and stands tall in the ring. The only thing I have to squawk about is Santana had to wait nearly a year to get his revenge and even though he won the match, he got beat up for most of it. Instead of Greg getting his daylights beat in, Santana barely escaped with the match. Still, Tito got the belt back and wins the feud.

Time of match: 11:32

Winner: Tito Santana
Moving right to the next bout.
Match 7

Bruno Sammartino (with Arnold Skaaland) vs “Superstar” Billy Graham (with The Grand Wizard) for the WWWF Heavyweight Championship

Commentator: Gorilla Monsoon

No, this isn’t the match where Graham took the title. That was in April of 1977 in Baltimore. This was August 1, 1977 in Madison Square Garden. Bruno is in the green trunks and Graham is in the long black. Monsoon is the special guest referee and Monsoon on the overdub says he was 423 pounds here. Graham attacks Bruno before the bell rings and Monsoon pries him off.  The bell finally rings and Bruno goes to work on Graham with right hands. Bruno backdrops Billy and puts the boots to him. Billy begs off as Monsoon says Bruno looks in great shape here and he didn’t look great in Baltimore. Bruno rams Billy into the buckle then waffles him through the ropes and onto the floor. Monsoon on the overdub says he wasn’t going to count him out. Back inside Bruno puts the boots to him then stands on him. Graham begs off and Bruno continues to stomp away before landing an uppercut that drops the champion. Monsoon says Bruno was bench pressing over 500 pounds in the early 1960’s, no steroids, no suppliments. Monsoon brings up Ted Arcidi’s 705 bench press but I say Bruno’s is more impressive. Graham slides under the bottom rope, grabs Bruno’s foot and pulls him out. Graham chokes Bruno on the apron then grabs rope from under the ring. Graham slides in the ring but Monsoon notices and pounces on him. Bruno then takes the rope and strangles Graham with it and Monsoon subjectively makes Bruno cease and desist. Billy begs off but Bruno sends him into the corner. Billy reverses an irish whip but crashes knee first into the corner. Bruno goes to work on the left leg, ties it in the ropes and stomps it. Bruno caters to the crowd then continues to work over the leg, turning Graham into a half crab, We TAPE EDIT to when Graham makes the ropes. Bruno continues to work on the leg with leg twist as Monsoon motions he’s going to stop the match. Billy refuses to give it up and gets a thumb to the eye and a low blow that ref Monsoon missed but commentator Monsoon caught. Billy punches away at the ribs then goes up to the top rope. He badly misses a knee drop and Bruno shakes his head at him. Billy begs off but Bruno whips him into the corner. This time its Bruno who goes knee first into the corner. Graham boots him to the outside and he regroups with Skaaland. Bruno slides back in as Graham slides out to the other side to grab the championship belt. Monsoon tries to hold him back but he still clocks Bruno with it. Monsoon on commentary says he refused to DQ Graham because he wanted Bruno to win the title back. Bruno is now busted wide open as Graham works over the wound with fists. Bruno rallies with fists and a scoop slam. Bruno kicks him out of the ring and Graham says to heck with it. He goes to leave but Monsoon chases after, puts him in a fireman’s carry and throws him back in the ring. Bruno slugs away at the champ and rams him into the ringpost. Now Billy is busted open and Bruno sends him into another ring post, headfirst. Monsoon checks the blood on Billy’s head but Bruno goes apeshit on him. Rights, lefts, rights, whip into the ropes, BEARHUG! Monsoon goes to ring the bell and Graham punches HIM instead. Once again he refuses to DQ the champ because he wants Bruno to win clean. Monsoon wipes the blood off Graham’s head on his shirt as Bruno continues to slug away. Monsoon’s shirt is totally covered red at this point. All Bruno does is punch, punch, punch. Finally Monsoon calls for the bell as Graham falls to the mat. The ring announcer can’t get the mic to come down. The official decision was Monsoon said neither man could continue and declared it a draw. Complete bullshit as Bruno was on a roll but that was the best they could do to have Graham keep the title but not make Bruno look bad. We got to the replay where Monsoon carries Graham back to the ring and the crowd goes nuts. As a wrestling match, it totally sucked but as a pier six brawl it was awesome. Bruno was primarily a classic brawler but that’s what the fans wanted to see; a hard punching Italian laying waste to the marauding horde of infidels trying to take his title. Graham was no mat technician either but he bumped and sold everything Bruno hit him with.
Time of match: 13:05

Winner: No one, Draw
On to the final match of the tape…which looks familiar.
Match 8

“Mr Wonderful” Paul Orndorff and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (with Bob Orton) vs Mr T and Hulk Hogan (with Jimmy Snuka)

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura

That’s right it’s the main event of WRESTLEMANIA 1. We clip the intros for this tape’s purpose and Hogan and Orndorff start.Its well documented these 2 have a history in Tampa, Florida. Orndorff teases going at it before tagging Piper in. Mr T hops up and down saying let me have him so Hogan tags him in. Piper made it clear on his DVD compilation he never liked Mr. T so this feud was more personal than it was business. Piper hated Mr T, Orndorff and Hogan hated each other so this maybe an out and out shoot by the end. Piper and T staredown nose to nose before they exchange slaps to the face before hitting a go-behind takedown. T tries to sit-out/turn in but Piper maintains the ride. Mr T finally switches out of it as Orndorff fires up Piper in their corner. Mr T puts Piper into a fireman’s carry then drops him like yesterday’s newspaper (Monsoon’s words not mine). Piper backs T into his corner where Orndorff gets in then a melee ensues when all 4 men brawl into the corner. Muhammad Ali and Bob Orton get in the ring as Snuka goes upstairs. Ali throws a punch that sends Piper out of the ring then takes a swing at Orton who retreats to the ground. The heels regroup outside as the camera shows Billy Martin laughing his ass off at the proceedings. Piper motions that they’re outta here as Monsoon scoffs and the heels actually leave the area. Patterson counts up to 8 before Hogan stops him and motions for them to come back and the heels in fact do walk back to ringside. Piper and Paul get in the ring to attack Mr T and Hogan but the faces clean house. They hit a double noggin knocker on the heels before Hogan clotheslines Roddy in the corner. Hulk hits a knoggin knocker on Piper and Orndorff before hitting an atomic drop on the rowdy one. Piper and Hogan trade blows before Hulk makes the tag to Mr T then they hit a double clotheslines. T hits a scoop slam on Piper and an arm-drag on an interfering Orndorff. T hits another slam on Piper and headbutts Orndorff before ramming Piper’s head into Hogan’s knee. Make no mistake about it, in terms of physical condition Mr T has the physique that is better than half the WWF roster so had he went into wrestling, he couldn’t have been any worse than anybody the AWA put out in the late 80’s. Hogan rakes the eyes and big boots Piper over the top rope to the floor. Mr Wonderful interferes and clotheslines Hogan out of the ring so Piper grabs a chair and waffles the Hulkster with it. Muhammad Ali chases Piper back in the ring but Orndorff sneaks out and throws Hogan into the ring. Piper puts the boots to Hogan as Orndorff sneaks in a cheap shot of his own. Mr T interferes so Piper and Orndorff double team the Hulkster. Piper and Orndorff execute a double atomic drop on Hogan as Muhammad Ali gets in the ring to chase Piper out. Fans may not be pleased with Ali’s constant interference but from a kayfabe standpoint he’s supposed to be the enforcer and that’s exactly what he’s doing. Patterson has to beg Ali to get out as Orndorff works over Hulk. Orndorff hits a snap suplex as Ventura says he’s the x-factor of this match being the most technically gifted of all 4 men involved…..well 6 including Snuka and Orton outside. Piper tags in and hits windup punches then a knee lift for 1…2..nope, Hogan kicks out. Piper holds Hogan as Paul tags in and hits a forearm to the back of the neck…..One of the unwritten laws of wrestling is not to hit moves on the back of the neck because you’re more prone to actual injuries, but Orndorff would ROUTINELY do this to Hogan in their matches, pissing off the Hulkster legitimately in the process. Paul covers for a near-fall before hitting a nice backbreaker before going upstairs. Orndorff goes for another forearm off the top but misses. Hogan makes the hot tag to Mr T. T cleans house before Orndorff is able to take him down. Mr T and Orndorff go high school style as Mr T goes for a roll but Paul wizzers to make sure that doesn’t happen. Piper makes the tag then hits a front headlock on B.A. Barabus before T tags Hogan in.  Both heels interfere so Hogan hits a double noggin knocker on them then headlock punches Orndorff until Wonderful counters with a back suplex. Piper interferes but Patterson cuts him off so both Jimmy Snuka and Cowboy Bob get in the ring. Snuka hits a jumping headbutt that sends Orton over the top to the apron. Patterson is distracted by Snuka as Orndorff puts Hogan in a full nelson. Piper and Mr. T go at it as Patterson turns his attention to him as Orton goes upstairs. Orton comes off the top but Hogan moves and Ace catches Orndorff in the back of the head with the cast. Hogan covers as Snuka roughs up Orton and Patterson gets in position..1……2…..3….its overrrrrrrr!!!!  We clip to Hogan, T and Snuka leaving and the tape ends here.  Said it a million times, great match due to the high intensity.
Time of match: 13:21

Winners: Mr T and Hulk Hogan by pinfall

The credits roll and this one’s over. Before the tape ends we get previews for the next three tapes. We got BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 7 which highlights a British Bulldogs and Hart Foundation match. We also have VILLAINS OF THE SQUARED CIRCLE which highlights the classic heels of the company. The final tape highlighted is BRUNO SAMMARTINO: THE LIVING LEGEND which highlights Bruno of course. We’re shown a clip of Bruno and Killer Kowalski going at it. I can say right now that’s going to be a bad “wrestling” match but get ready for a bloody brawl when that comes up. As for this tape, that was certainly great grudge matches. Almost all of them were wild, bloody, full of mayhem and high intensity. It’s a shame as modern WWE prohibits blood, bad language and blows to the head to keep the kiddies happy…when old school wrestling like this had no bad language, skimpy bimbos or inappropriate storylines. Then again, WWE doesn’t claim to be wrestling, they’re “sports entertainment”. Yeah…right. Anyway mostly all the matches were good or watchable. I give it 4.5 out of 5, a half a point off because they had to clip Santana’s title loss to Valentine. Nit picking, yes, but still a valid point. I wanted to see the full match..dammit!  The next tape after this is RICKY THE DRAGON STEAMBOAT.

Wrestlemania 1 (WF004)

Wrestlemania 1

WRESTLEMANIA 1 (WF004)

After BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 1 came the first WRESTLEMANIA. There’s a lot of backstory that went into the making of it and I’ll try to do the best I can to piece it all together. It started when Vince McMahon Jr purchased Georgia Championship Wrestling from Jim Barnett in May of 1984. GCW had been broadcast on Ted Turner owned TBS “The Superstation” for a decade and it featured classic NWA wrestling. In what would later be called “Black Saturday”, on July 14, 1984 Vince McMahon appeared on Georgia Championship and switched the programming from NWA wrestling to re-runs of WWF matches. The predominantly southern fans revolted as the difference in product between the NWA and WWF was severe. Instead of classic wrestling they got cartoon wrestling. The ratings hit the toilet almost immediately and Turner was pissed. To get back at Vince, Ted allowed a half hour timeslot for Ole Anderson’s Championship Wrestling From Georgia featuring anyone that refused to go to the WWF when first bought (among those were Jake Roberts, Gordon Solie and Ted Dibiase). Vince was pissed and felt that only he should be allowed on the Superstation. Turner told him to improve the ratings or get lost. Vince then sold his timeslot to Jim Crockett Promotions for a huge chunk of cash. What did he do with that cash? That’s the second part of the story. While all this was going on, in his own company, Hulkamania was running wild. Hulk Hogan was a huge ratings draw wherever he was booked and was starting to get national attention. Something was missing though, Vince knew if he wanted to hit the big time, he needed to be in the mainstream. That’s when a lucky plane ride changed the course of wrestling history. Captain Lou Albano just happened to be on the same plane as rock star Cindy Lauper and the two struck up a friendship. Cindy then asked Lou to play the role of her father on her world famous video “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”. Soon after Cindy began popping up at WWF events which led to MTV taking notice. In what would become the “Rock N Wrestling Connection” 9 days after Vince started airing his crap on GCW, MTV aired “Brawl To End It All” which launched WWF into the national spotlight. This was followed up by “War To Settle The Score” which featured Hulk Hogan taking on top heel “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (who was stolen from the NWA a year prior). Now with the mainstream attention and a huge chunk of change from the GCW sale, Vince needed a home run show. Supercards were nothing new, Starrcade 83 had been the most successful for the NWA. Vince knew he needed something bigger. Something that would revolutionize the wrestling business and how supercards should be run. TV tough guy Mr. T had befriended Hulk Hogan and Vince decided to run a supercard featuring a tag match featuring his top heels (Piper and Paul Orndorff) and Hogan/T. He had the venue set for Madison Square Garden and he had the finance, he just needed a name. Howard Finkel…yes, The Fink himself suggested “Wrestlemania” and Vince ran with it. Shown on closed-circuit television, Wrestlemania 1, the first of what would become the pinnacle of wrestling events was held on March 31, 1985 and it featured the biggest showdown of the year with television superstar Mr T along with WWF Champion Hulk Hogan taking on the biggest heel in not only the WWF but in wrestling as well “Rowdy” Roddy Piper and “Mr. Wonderful” Paul Orndorff. I’m not kidding about the heel line, even though Flair was a heel as a part of The Horsemen he was loved in his role and over in the AWA did anyone give a damn about Stan Hansen? Piper was definately the number 1 heel in wrestling at this point so to see him get his possible comeuppance from the Hulkster was something everyone wanted to see.  Also included was the famous 15,000 dollar slam match where if Andre slammed Big John Studd he’d win 15 grand but if Studd won Andre would retire. Plus we get a tag team title match between the original Un-Americans Nikolai Volkoff and Iron Sheik against the US Express Barry Whindam and Mike Rotundo. This event started it all so let’s get right down to it. Vince McMahon’s voice appears and runs down the card before we get sent to Monsoon, Ventura and Gene Okerlund who sings the national anthem (ugh).

MARCH 31, 1985

MADISON SQUARE GARDEN

NEW YORK, NY

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse “The Body” Ventura
Match 1

Tito Santana vs The Executioner

You know…..I think its really dumb they had to hide “Playboy” Buddy Rose (The Executioner) like this, but since this was a one time appearance I guess it was justified. I still get a kick how Mean Gene Okerlund would interview both participants in the matches mere seconds after the other departed the screen…and this was back when kayfabe was still a big deal. Executioner (who clearly looks and sounds like Buddy Rose) says he’s gonna go after Santana’s leg while Tito says he’s gonna win….arriba! Bells gone and they run the ropes adjacent from each other before Santana hits a backdrop and a dropkick on The Executioner who falls through the ropes to the outside. Ventura “Woodstock was to rock n roll what Wrestlemania is to wrestling” well put. Back inside Santana hits a headlock who walks up the rope and turns it into a headlock takeover. Executioner and Santana trade blows before Executioner takes over in the corner and hits a knee to the solar plexus. Executioner goes for a figure four but Santana blocks it, then he goes for a step over toe wrench which Santana counters into a cradle for a near fall. Santana fires away in the corner and goes for a piledriver, but Executioner counters with a back drop. He hits a bodyslam and goes upstairs but Santana catches him with a slam off the top. Santana goes for a big splash but Executioner gets the knees up just in time, then he works over the left leg on the second rope before Tito kicks him over the top rope into the time-keeper’s table. Tito hits a power slam from the apron to the ring and hits the flying forearm out of nowhere. Tito drags him to the center of the ring and locks in the figure four as Executioner submits quickly though the time keeper’s asleep and takes forever to ring the bell. Howard Finkel gets in the ring with the official word as Santana takes the first match in Wrestlemania history.

Time of Match: 4:40

Winner: Tito Santana by submission
Alfred Hays in the aisle way shills the upcoming Bundy/Jones showdown who sends it to Okerlund who interviews Jones first. SD “I’m gonna get down with the biggest man in town” and 5 seconds after Jones leaves in walks Bundy and Hart…..like I said earlier, this was back when kayfabe was a real big deal so we’re supposed to believe Bundy let him stand there and say all this stuff? Bundy says he’s gonna avalanche the poor guy and get the 5 count. Back to ringside….

Match 2

King Kong Bundy (with Jimmy Hart) vs SD Jones

SD Jones was your basic mid-card face at the time while Bundy was a rising monster heel, fresh from being a member of the Legion of Doom in the NWA. Jones runs into Bundy at the bell and Kong catches him in a bearhug then rams him into the corner. Jones crumples to the floor then gets up as Bundy hits the avalanche followed by the big splash for 1…2….3 and its over just like that. Monsoon and Ventura can’t believe it as Howard Finkel gets on the mic. “Time of the fall….9 SECONDS…your winner King Kong Bundy” Um, what? I specifically counted 23 seconds (which Monsoon ironically says is the previous record) so this was all just hooplah to get Bundy over as Hogan’s future opponent.

Time of match: 23 seconds

Winner: King Kong Bundy by pinfall

Back to Alfred Hays who shills the upcoming match as Bundy makes his way back to the locker room. Mean Gene interviews Borne first and he says Steamboat’s too nice of a guy and he’s gonna beat him up then Ricky comes in and scoffs at Borne for basically calling him a wuss and says he’s gonna take him out.

Match 3

“Maniac” Matt Borne vs Ricky Steamboat

This could be the sleeper as match of the night because Borne was more talented than he looked (and this was 8 years before he became Doink the Clown) and we all know how great Steamboat was. Borne was competing in tboth Portland and Mid-South when he was brought in for the match. Ventura hypes Matt’s father “Tough” Tony Borne who wrestled many moons ago including an encounter with Gorilla himself. They tie up to start before Steamboat leapfrogs over Borne and goes for the double chop but Matt catches himself, then runs into the double chop anyway. Steamboat hits a snap mare and a headlock as Monsoon hypes up him and Jimmy Snuka as possible tag team title contenders. Steamboat rolls through an atomic drop attempt and hits one of his own, then mocks Borne’s selling of the maneuver. Steamboat goes back to the side headlock before Borne hits an inverted atomic drop and a knee lift. Borne fires away in the corner but Steamboat hits a boot to the head (yeah yeah!) and a chop from the second rope. Steamboat hits another double karate chop as the announcers shill Ricky’s physique and Borne’s intelligence. Borne backs Ricky in the corner and hits a series of knee’s to the mid-section followed by a BtB suplex. Matt hits a snap suplex and covers for 1..2…nope, they trade blows in the ring before Steamboat gets the upper hand with karate chops. Steamboat hits a back suplex, a reverse neckbreaker and 2 knee drops for a cover of 1..2…nope. Steaboat leapfrogs over Borne and hits some sort of double punch to the face, then he goes upstairs and hits the FLYING CROSSBODY for 1…2….three and we have a winner. Short and sweet….so much for my match of the night prediction.

Time of match: 4:38

Winner: Ricky Steamboat by pinfall

Back to Alfred Hays who hypes up the upcoming Sammartino/Beefcake showdown before sending it over to Okerlund with the pre-match interview. David says he and his dad have been training hard and he’s gonna avenge Hillbilly Jim by taking Beefcake out before Bruno says if Johnny V interferes he’s gonna knock him out.  Beefcake and Johnny enter WHILE DAVID IS STILL ON SCREEN….are u kidding me, Verne Gagne would have a heart attack if he saw this going on in the AWA. Anyway Johnny V cuts a funny promo that’s too fast to be mentioned here so let’s go back to ringside. Its funny how Johnny Valiant became a manager for WWF while brother Jimmy was still competing for Crockett at this time.
Match 4

Brutus Beefcake (with Johnny Valiant) vs David Sammartino (with Bruno Sammartino)

Poor David, the old man’s shoes were too big to fill and even when matched up against a stiff like Beefcake, he STILL gets laughed at. There’s no referee in the ring so they stall for a while as Monsoon and Ventura discuss the possibility of Beefcake being “Luscious” Johnny Valiant’s son. They exchange tie-ups after the bell before David hits a drop-toe hold as the camera pans to Bruno outside. They exchange go-behinds and takedowns before Brutus slides under the ring and regroups with Valiant. Back inside David hits a series of old school takedowns and goes to the front headlock, a Sammartino trademark. Beefcake threatens to pound the ref before David counters a scoop slam with an arm-bar. David drops a leg on the left shoulder before Beefcake gets up and hits a high school style headlock for 1…2..nope. Brutus hits a shoulder-block and an arm=drag but Sammartino nips up and catches Beefcake with a double toe-hold. Beefcake powers out of it but David catches the leg and applies a step-over. Brutus counters a figure four attempt but Sammartino continues with the leg lock as Beefcake doesn’t even sell it….seriously, he adjusts his arm pads and barely looks like he’s in pain. Beefcake gets a thumb to the eye and hits a backdrop before hitting a series of forearms to the sternum. Beefcake hits a scoop slam and goes back on offense with elbows in the corner. Beefcake hits a hard irish whip into the corner, poses, then hits a series of knees to the mid-section. Bruno gets the crowd to chant for David as Beefcake runs straight into a back body-drop. Sammartino rallies with clubbing right hands and jabs before hitting a weak looking boot to the mid-section. David hits a big knee to the head and a snap suplex then covers for 1…2..negative. Beefcake throws David out of the ring where Valiant pounces and slams him on the concrete floor…causing the old man to toss Valiant in the ring for an ass kicking. Bruno waffles Johnny with a series of forearms before Beefcake pounds away to stop the momentum. David comes over and all 4 men go at it as the ref calls for the bell before the Sammartino’s clean house. The crowd erupts but then boos when Finkel announces the match is a draw. The first and last appearance of David Sammartino on any major WWF event as Beefcake was just getting started.

Time of match: 11:40

Winner: No one…double DQ

Back to Alfred Hays who shills the upcoming IC title match before sending it over to Gene Okerlund for the pre-match interviews. Valentine says he’s the master of the figure four and he’s gonna hammer JYD before Dog comes in and says he’s going to get his hands on Jimmy Hart. Back to ringside with Gorilla and Jesse.

Match 5

Junkyard Dog vs Greg “The Hammer” Valentine (with Jimmy Hart) for the WWF Intercontinental Championship

JYD, one of the most popular black athletes in wrestling history gets a title shot here. JYD had come over from Mid-South wrestling (damn near crippling the promotion as he was the top star) for this one. Valentine enters first as Another One Bites The Dust hits and JYD enters. I should point out JYD is the first person to use entrance music as everyone else to this point didn’t have any. They fake hitting each other as JYD jukes and jives to the crowd’s delight before hitting an arm twister. Valentine whips JYD off but Dog catches the foot then catches Greg with a right hand. Valentine hits a knee and an elbow but misses a forearm so JYD hits his trademark headbutts on the ground before the camera pans to the Garden crowd. Monsoon says Hart is now the manager of Jim Niedhart, Bundy and Valentine before Valentine goes back on offense. Greg hits a forearm to the back of the neck and an elbow drop to the mid-section before going over the right leg of JYD. Valentine goes for a half-crab and stretches the knee as the crowd begins to roar for JYD. Valentine hits a headbutt to the midsection but JYD counters the figure four attempt and sells the injury well. Valentine works him over in the corner before Dog rallies with right hands and headbutts as Valentine does the flop. Jimmy Hart gets on the apron and Dog grabs him but moves out of the way causing Valentine
to hammer Jimmy to the floor. Dog backs Valentine in the corner with forearm and a headbutt before Valentine rake the eyes and scoops the legs with his feet on the rope for 1…2…3 and Valentine wins it. All of a sudden Tito Santana hits the ring and tells the ref Valentine had his foot on the rope. All of a sudden the ref calls for the match to continue making him the smartest ref in the history of wrestling up to this point, but Valentine wants no part of it and stays out of the ring. Dog wins by count-out but the title does not change hands on a count-out so The Hammer is still the champ. Santana and Dog taunt Valentine in the ring as Greg teases getting in to fight them before walks to the back. That was supposed to be a 1 hour time limit and it didn’t even go 7 minutes…..the next 4 matches better be long because this is crash style so far.

Time of match: 6:53

Winner:  Junkyard Dog by count-out (Valentine retains the title)

Back to Hays who shills the upcoming tag team title match before sending it over to Okerlund for the pre-match interviews. Sheik says down with America while my favorite manager of all time Blassie says we’re looking at the next champions. Gene “Ok commie…er comrade” Volkoff “I came, I saw, I conquer” Albano walks in with a beer in his hand and says the Express is gonna win, now THAT’S confidence.

Match 6

The Un-Americanz (Nikolai Volkoff and Iron Sheik) with Freddie Blassie vs The US Express (Barry Windham and Mike Rotundo) with Captain Lou Albano for the WWF Tag Team Championship

The men who would become IRS and The Stalker (father and uncle of a Wyatt family member too) take on Sheik and Volkoff here. The Express had beaten the North/South Connection (Adrian Adonis and Dick Murdoch) for the belts two months prior. Before the match Nikolai does his pre-match ritual by singing the Soviet National Anthem as the Garden crowd heaves garbage in the ring. Sheik “RUSSIA NUMBA VUN….IRAN NUMBA VUN…AMERICA HACK PATOIE!” Born in the USA by Bruce “The Boss” Springstein hits and the Express make their entrance. With 3 out of the 4 wrestlers in their prime, this could be the sleeper that Borne/Steamboat wasn’t. Rotundo starts off with Sheik as Ventura says you’ll see bad world series and superbowls but not Wrestlemania….yah wait until Wrestlemania 11. Rotundo hits an armdrag, dropkick, a scoop slam and a headlock takedown as Ventura shills. Windham makes the tag and hits an elbow from off the top rope then hits a boot to the mid-section. Sheik backs Barry back in the corner and Volkoff holds, but Windham escapes and Sheik dropicks Volkoff instead. Volkoff tags in and the camera shows an instant replay of the dropkick before going back to live action where Rotundo hits a back elbow smash. IRS…er Mike locks in an arm-bar then tags in Windham who once again comes off the top onto the elbow. Rotundo follows with the same elbow drop before Nikolai takes over and rams Rotundo’s head into Sheik’s legendary loaded boot. Sheik backdrops Rotundo and hits an elbow drop for 1…2…nope, near fall. Iron Sheik executes a gut-wrench suplex and covers for a deuce before Rotundo blocks a snap suplex and hits one of his own. Nikolai tags in and drops him throat first on the top rope as Blassie shouts “Kick em!” Rotundo switches out of a hammerlock as the crowd gets a USA chant going. Mike hits a sunset flip for 1..2…noooo, Volkoff quickly gets up and puts the boots to him. Volkoff hits a knee to the mid-section and boots before ramming Mike’s head once again into Sheik’s boot. The heels double team Rotundo before Sheik applies an abdominal stretch as the camera pans to Blassie and Albano trading invectives. Rotundo escapes and Volkoff tags in but Mike finally makes it to Windham, who fires away at Nikolai with fists and a dropkick. Windham hits the bulldog and covers for 1..2…nope, Sheik cuts him off. Rotundo gets in and dropkicks Sheik to the floor but Blassie sneaks the cane into Sheik’s hands. The ref is distracted by Rotundo as Sheik breaks the cane over the back of Windham who crumbles to the floor. Nikolai rolls him over and covers for 1….2…3 and we got new tag team champions. Iron Sheik becomes the first superstar since Bob Backlund to be both World champion and Tag champion in their careers. I should point out the Express left the company not long after this and Windham wouldn’t compete in another Wrestlemania for 12 more years while Rotundo resurfaced 7 years later as I.R.S.

Time of match: 6:51

Winners: The Un-Americanz by pinfall (New Tag Team Champions)

Mean Gene interviews the new champs and scoffs at Blassie for using the cane. Freddie “Cane? What cane? I didn’t have no cane!” Sheik says Gene Mean and spits at the US again as Okerlund sends it back to Monsoon and Ventura who goes over what we just saw. Back to Alfred Hays who shills the upcoming $15,000 slam match who sends it back to Okerlund for the pre-match interviews. Studd and Heenan enter with the duffel bag of money and its funny to see Okerlund try to stick his hand in as Heenan swats it away. Heenan “There’s only 2 people that are gonna see this money, me and Studd….make it 3, the teller at the bank when we deposit the money.” The next segment is shilling Wrestlemania merchandise which makes no sense because the announcer dude says “pick it up in the corridors” which is an insinuation people watching this commercial is at the Garden? Whatever….on to the match.

Match 7

Andre the Giant vs Big John Studd (with Bobby Heenan) in a $15,000 Slam Match

Ok, the rules are simple…..if Andre bodyslams Studd he wins 15 grand but if Studd slams Andre then say goodbye to the Giant. Studd attacks Andre in the corner as the bell rings before Andre rallies with chop and a big headbutt. Andre boots Studd to the outside of the ring and John regroups with Heenan, back inside Andre taunts Studd until backing him into the corner. Andre chokes Studd in the corner and Ventura asks where the ref is, but this isn’t a standard wrestling match so there are no DQ’s to speak of. Andre hits a knee to the head and big hamhock to the head before executing avalanches in the corner. Studd goes for a bodyslam but Andre blocks it then chops away at Studd before hitting a bearhug. The fants chats for Andre to slam as Ventura says “25,000 strong chanting”…..thought the building only held about 17,000 but nevertheless it is a sell out. The bearhug spot is worked for 2 full minutes before letting go and hitting a forearm to the back as Ventura says this could be the last time we could be seeing Andre. Andre hits a headlock and hits another hamhock to the mid-section as the crowd erupts. Andre whips Studd off and catches the foot, then hits another right hand to the face. Andre blocks a back elbow smash before chopping John in the corner. Andre kicks away at Studd’s leg and I’ll let Monsoon handle this one. “Andre now going to work on the leg, LOOK AT THIS…ANDRE PICKS EM UP…HE SLAMMED HIM!!!” This one’s over and Andre wins the match as the crowd erupts again as Finkel hands Andre the bag of money. Andre begins throwing money into the crowd before Heenan sneaks up, steals the bag then runs to the back with Studd. Ventura “They don’t call him The Brain for nothin Gino!” Andre poses in the ring and his career will resume….for a few more years anyway. I look at this match not for the catch-as-catch-can but for the drama and the storyline because in 1985, 15 grand or retire was a big deal so this match certainly was legendary. Screw the ROH smarks and spotfest lovers.

Time of match: 5:52

Winner: Andre the Giant

Back to Okerlund who interviews Andre who says in his booming voice that he doesn’t care about the money and tries cutting a promo but is cut off as we send it back to Monsoon and Ventura. The man just saved his career, let him speak dammit! We send it back to Alfred Hays who tries to shill the upcoming women’s match but is cut off by Moolah who kisses him on the lips. Alfred “Good gracious!” then Leilani kisses him before he finally sends it to Mean Gene. Okerlund interviews Lauper and Richter then Cyndi in her thick Brooklyn accent she’s gonna get her hands on Moolah. Richter says she’s gonna get her belt back as the camera cuts off allowing Moolah and Leilani to enter….why couldn’t they have done that all night to make it look like they weren’t standing next to each other. Moolah is wearing flamboyant glasses and Okerlund says don’t tell Ventura about them so he doesn’t get any ideas. Back to ringside for the match…..
Match 8

Wendi Richter (with Cyndi Lauper and David Wolfe) vs Leilani Kai (with Fabulous Moolah) for the WWF Womens Championship

Ironically this match was more hyped up than the previous 7 (Andre included) because of the involvement of Lauper on MTV. Richter had originally dethroned Moolah and Moolah trained Leilani to get the belt back, which she did. Richter, Wolfe and Lauper come running out to Girls Just Wanna Have Fun as the crowd goes crazy for the trio. Cyndi gets in Leilani’s face before the bell and Kai motions that she’s crazy, haha good one. I don’t know whether it was because I was a weird kid or not but when I first saw this match I thought Leilani was much more gorgeous than Wendi but Richter was the better wrestler. Monsoon says Cyndi stole her outfit out of Ventura’s dresser as we get underway with the big title match. They tie up and roll around the ropes before Leilani backs Wendi in the corner. Wendi punches Leilani halfway across the ring then hits an armdrag but Leilani nips Richter off her. Kai hits an armdrag but Wendi turns it into a hammerlock before THROWING her in hammerlock position a good 3 feet in the air, how Leilani didn’t tear a shoulder in the process I don’t know. Leilani reaches back and hits a series of snapmares as Cyndi shouts encouragement for Wendi. Leilani goes back to old school holds, a tribute to Moolah I’m sure.  They trade blows in the ring before Leilani grabs Wendi by the hair and throws her into the corner, then hits a snapmare before choking her down. Wendi applies a body scissors from sex position and Leilani shows how strong she is by pulling her all the way to her feet but Wendi hits a forearm to the chest. They appear to go for the same gut-wrench suplex but Wendi being taller falls forward into a lateral press for 1…2….nope. Leilani holds on to the hair then snapmares her over as Ventura speculates what its like to be on the receiving end of something like that. Kai throws Richter in the corner but a charge eats double boot then Wendi covers for a near fall. Leilani distracts the ref so Moolah chokes Wendi on the bottom rope before Cyndi runs over to save the day. Leilani whips Wendi off and hits a boot to the mid-section but Wendi rallies with a forearm and a New Delhi Devastator (and this is 1985 no less). Wendi splashes on top for 1….2..nope, near fall. Wendi whips Leilani into the corner where she goes for a splash but Kai gets the knees up in time. Leilani puts the boots to Wendi and hits a backbreaker for 1….2..NOOOO, that was close. Leilani hits a scoop slam then goes upstairs and hits a flying crossbody, but then Wendi rolls through it for 1….2……3 and we got a new WWF Women’s champion! Cyndi runs around and strangles Moolah with the towel before she trips getting into the ring. A funny spot that I find funny is Cyndi tries to pick up Wendi but can’t and Wendi picks up Cyndi effortlessly. They then do a dose-do dance as Girls Just Wanna Have Fun once again blares to the Madison Square Garden crowd.  Monsoon goes to the replay of the finish and speculates when Leilani came off the top she hit her head on the canvas allowing Wendi to roll on top……good explanation but anyways we got a new champion. I should point out this would be the last Women’s title change at a Wrestlemania for 16 years.

Time of match: 6:13

Winner: Wendi Richter by pinfall (New Women’s champion)

We go back to Mean Gene in the locker-room who interviews the new champ, where she says she beat “Leilani Cow”. Captain Lou makes his way into the picture as Gene asks “Did Moolah get in your way Cyndi?” Wendi “Are you crazy??” Cyndi “Yeah she’s bigger than me but I took care of her” before sending it to Howard Finkel in the ring. Fink turns things over to New York Yankees manager Billy Martin who is the special guest ring announcer. He gets a standing O from the crowd which is weird considering how many times he’s been hired and fired as manager. He then introduces Liberace as the special guest time-keeper (who dances a jig with the Rockettes in the ring) Billy then introduces the special guest referee Pat Patterson and special guest enforcer former world heavyweight boxing champion Muhammad Ali. Jose Torrez the former light-heavyweight champion leads Ali to the ring as the crowd gives a much deserved applause for the duo. Now its time for the main event……
Match 9

“Mr Wonderful” Paul Orndorff and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (with Bob Orton) vs Mr T and Hulk Hogan (with Jimmy Snuka)

A Bagpipe band makes their way to the ring signaling the arrival of wrestling’s number one heel ROWDY…..RODDY….PIPER!!  The Rowdy one makes his entrance with Mr Wonderful and “Ace” Bob Orton. Not to nitpick, but couldn’t this have been a six man tag match since Snuka was equally as loved in the Garden as Hogan and Orton was Piper’s bodyguard…ah well, no use squawking about it now. Mr. T, Snuka and Hogan make their entrance to Eye of the Tiger as the Garden crowd goes nuts. They take FOREVER to start before Liberace stands and rings his custom made bell to start the main event. Hogan and Orndorff start and its well documented these 2 have not liked each other for a long time because of their childhood in Tampa where their high schools were football rivals or something to that extent. Orndorff teases going at it before tagging Piper in. Mr T hops up and down saying let me have him so Hogan tags him in. Piper made it clear on his DVD compilation he never liked Mr. T so this feud was more personal than it was business. Piper hated Mr T, Orndorff and Hogan hated each other so this maybe an out and out shoot by the end. Piper and T staredown nose to nose before they exchange slaps to the face before hitting a go-behind takedown. T tries to sit-out/turn in but Piper maintains the ride. Mr T finally switches out of it as Orndorff fires up Piper in their corner. Mr T puts Piper into a fireman’s carry then drops him like yesterday’s newspaper (Monsoon’s words not mine). Piper backs T into his corner where Orndorff gets in then a melee ensues when all 4 men brawl into the corner. Muhammad Ali and Bob Orton get in the ring as Snuka goes upstairs. Ali throws a punch that sends Piper out of the ring then takes a swing at Orton who retreats to the ground. The heels regroup outside as the camera shows Billy Martin laughing his ass off at the proceedings. Piper motions that they’re outta here as Monsoon scoffs and the heels actually leave the area. Patterson counts up to 8 before Hogan stops him and motions for them to come back and the heels in fact do walk back to ringside. Piper and Paul get in the ring to attack Mr T and Hogan but the faces clean house. They hit a double noggin knocker on the heels before Hogan clotheslines Roddy in the corner. Hulk hits a knoggin knocker on Piper and Orndorff before hitting an atomic drop on the rowdy one. Piper and Hogan trade blows before Hulk makes the tag to Mr T then they hit a double clotheslines. T hits a scoop slam on Piper and an arm-drag on an interfering Orndorff. T hits another slam on Piper and headbutts Orndorff before ramming Piper’s head into Hogan’s knee. Make no mistake about it, in terms of physical condition Mr T has the physique that is better than half the WWF roster so had he went into wrestling, he couldn’t have been any worse than anybody the AWA put out in the late 80’s. Hogan rakes the eyes and big boots Piper over the top rope to the floor. Mr Wonderful interferes and clotheslines Hogan out of the ring so Piper grabs a chair and waffles the Hulkster with it. Muhammad Ali chases Piper back in the ring but Orndorff sneaks out and throws Hogan into the ring. Piper puts the boots to Hogan as Orndorff sneaks in a cheap shot of his own. Mr T interferes so Piper and Orndorff double team the Hulkster. Piper and Orndorff execute a double atomic drop on Hogan as Muhammad Ali gets in the ring to chase Piper out. Fans may not be pleased with Ali’s constant interference but from a kayfabe standpoint he’s supposed to be the enforcer and that’s exactly what he’s doing. Patterson has to beg Ali to get out as Orndorff works over Hulk. Orndorff hits a snap suplex as Ventura says he’s the x-factor of this match being the most technically gifted of all 4 men involved…..well 6 including Snuka and Orton outside. Piper tags in and hits windup punches then a knee lift for 1…2..nope, Hogan kicks out. Piper holds Hogan as Paul tags in and hits a forearm to the back of the neck…..One of the unwritten laws of wrestling is not to hit moves on the back of the neck because you’re more prone to actual injuries, but Orndorff would ROUTINELY do this to Hogan in their matches, pissing off the Hulkster legitimately in the process. Paul covers for a near-fall before hitting a nice backbreaker before going upstairs. Orndorff goes for another forearm off the top but misses, before Hogan makes the hot tag to Mr T. T cleans house before Orndorff is able to take him down. Mr T and Orndorff go high school style as Mr T goes for a roll but Paul wizzers to make sure that doesn’t happen. Piper makes the tag then hits a front headlock on B.A. Barabus before T tags Hogan in.  Both heels interfere so Hogan hits a double noggin knocker on them then headlock punches Orndorff until Wonderful counters with a back suplex. Piper interferes but Patterson cuts him off so both Jimmy Snuka and Cowboy Bob get in the ring. Snuka hits a jumping headbutt that sends Orton over the top to the apron. Patterson is distracted by Snuka as Orndorff puts Hogan in a full nelson. Piper and Mr. T go at it as Patterson turns his attention to him as Orton goes upstairs. Orton comes off the top but Hogan moves and Ace catches Orndorff in the back of the head with the cast. Hogan covers as Snuka roughs up Orton and Patterson gets in position..1……2…..3….its overrrrrrrr!!!!  The ring becomes chaos as everyone gets in the ring before Piper knocks out Patterson, spits at Orndorff and takes off with Orton in tow. Back inside Mr T tends to Orndoff as Billy Martin announce Hogan and Mr T the winner. Orndorff springs to life as Snuka, T, Patterson and Hogan back off. The faces celebrate in the ring as Orndorff doesn’t have a clue what happened before heading to the locker-room. Hogan, Mr. T, Muhammad Ali, Pat Patterson, Snuka, Liberace and Billy Martin all pose and celebrate in the ring. Monsoon and Ventura go to the instant replay before sending it back to Mean Gene to interview the winners. Mr T says he trained hard,as Hogan shills Snuka and T before Superfly does the same thing.  Back to Monsoon and Ventura who sign off and thanks the fans for tuning in.

Time of match: 13:21
Winners: Mr T and Hulk Hogan by pinfall

From an in ring standpoint this was on par with a lot of WWF action from 1985 and historically it did great numbers on closed circuit television. WWF was taking over the country and this would be the greatest year in wrestling (until 1998) for the AWA had their second wind after losing virtually their entire roster to McMahon, the NWA was awesome with the Horsemen against Rhodes and Magnum and of course WWF’s Rock n Wrestling was a big seller. This was more of a modern day crash event with only 2 matches going over 10 minutes but that’s basically how long WWF stars could go and still be entertaining. If you’re looking for an in-ring classic ppv like Great American Bash 96 don’t bother, but if you want a drama filled time capsule of fun then definitely get your hands on this priceless classic. Seriously, whoever was old enough to remember what wrestling was like during this time period can agree that this was ground breaking. The next tape after this in terms of Coliseum Video releases is WWF’s MOST UNUSUAL MATCHES. As for this one, 4 stars out of 5 for the significance and a point off for the crash style. Some of them deserved to be longer.

Best of the WWF Volume 1 (WF003)

Best of WWF 1

BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 1 (WF003)

After BLOOPERS, BLEEPS AND BODYSLAMS and HULKAMANIA hit the shelves, it was time for Vince McMahon Jr to follow up with some REAL action. The first tape was a silly look at wrestling while the second was an exclusive look at Hulk Hogan. Now it was time to showcase the past and present in the first installment of the “best of” series. For historical purposes I’ll guess that this tape was released in March of 1985. We begin with the now standard Coliseum Video opening before being chosen by our host, Vince himself wearing a decent suit for once. He previews all of the matches we’re going to see (and some of them are damn good actually). Now with anything labeled “Best of” I’m skeptical on how things will turn out. I will be judging the matches not just for quality but for importance as well. After all, if this is a ”best of”  tape the action better be legendary. Before we go to the handicap match, we’re treated to an interview with Hogan and Andre The Giant. Hulk warns the crowd of the impending destruction during the match and the man standing next to him is NOT Andre the Giant, he will referred to as “The Boss”. Andre used to call people boss and people referred to him as “boss” so Hogan’s statement is accurate. Hogan hypes up Andre and lets him say a few words. Andre brings up a past cage match between himself and Studd and saying there’s no cage this time, nowhere to hide. Andre says Hulk will take care of the tag champs and Hogan agrees. There were no dudes, mans, jacks or brothers in that promo. Damn, I grew up in the wrong era.

Match 1

The North-South Connection (Adrian Adonis & Dick Murdoch) and “Big” John Studd vs Hulk Hogan and Andre The Giant

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Ken Resnick

We go back to July 15, 1984 at the Brendan Byrne Arena in East Rutherford, NJ for this big matchup. Adonis and Murdoch were the reigning WWF Tag Team Champions and Studd was probably the only one who could match power with Hogan and size with Andre. The heels make their entrance first and only Adonis is carrying a tag belt, Murdoch isn’t. They pass by Vince himself walking toward the arena and Studd playfully punches him in the chest. Hmmmmmm….Adonis starts giving ring announcer Gary Michael Cappetta shit as Monsoon calls Murdoch and Adrian “The Wrecking Crew”….No that’s not Gene and Ole Anderson there Gorilla. Hogan comes out in the white tights with Andre in the red. Referee Dick Kroll takes forever to start and when the bell rings, Adrian and Hogan start. The announce table is so close to the ring Andre nearly steps on Resnick’s monitor. Adonis and Hogan exchange hammerlocks before Adonis comes off the ropes only to be met by a chop to the chest by Andre from the apron. Hogan floors Adrian with a right hand but Adonis recovers to tag in Murdoch. Dick goes to work on the left arm before Studd tags in. We get a TAPE EDIT and now its Studd and Andre in the ring. Before anything happens we get another TAPE EDIT and Andre’s dazed outside while the tag champs have Hogan pinned down. Finally Murdoch leaves the ring and Hogan backs Adrian into the corner with knees to the gut. Hogan rams Adrian’s head into the babyface corner where Andre tags in. Andre drops Adrian with a  headbutt. Andre heaves Adrian into the corner where Adonis flips forward then down. Studd gets the tag and he carefully enters the ring. Andre slugs Studd then does his ass bump in the corner. Murdoch gets in and Andre puts him in the corner as well. Time for “giant football style” as Jesse The Body would say. Adonis gets in and goes for an axehandle but Andre blocks it and stacks him in the corner with the others. Andre sandwhiches the trio while Hogan joins Andre and looks like he’s dry humping the big guy. Adonis collapses as Dick staggers into the center of the ring where Andre sends him flying with a big right hand. Adonis retreats to the aprons and now its just Studd/Andre. John counters a backdrop with a big boot that drops Andre to one knee. If you look closely you can see Studd tagging Adrian but Murdoch gets in. Dick unloads with bionic elbows (remember he was the “other” half of the Texas Outlaws with Dusty Rhodes) and right hands. The heels make frequent tags and Murdoch delivers a modified top rope bulldog to Andre. Murdoch stomps away at the big man and we get another TAPE EDIT. Adonis has Andre down and Murdoch tags back in. Murdoch steals the tag rope and chokes Andre with it as Hogan gets in to protest. As the ref shoos Hogan away Adonis comes in to help Dick choke him. Once Adonis leaves, Dick drops the rope which Andre grabs, Murdoch slugs away at the big guy then measures him for a big punch. Murdoch comes off the rope only Andre catches him with the tag rope and wraps it around his throat for some payback. Hogan tags himself in and he catches an interfering Adonis then heaves Murdoch into him, Adonis does his reverse Andre spot….you know when Andre ties himself up in the ropes, well Adonis does it only he flips himself on the apron all tied up. Hogan sends Murdoch into Adonis again. Hogan slugs Studd then sends Dick into the corner, but the charge eats elbow. Another TAPE EDIT shows Adonis scoop slamming Hogan. Adrian drops a series of knees and elbows to the head then goes all the way up. Hogan catches him and drops him crotch first on the top rope. Adonis rolls to his corner and tags in Studd. John applies a front headlock then tags in Murdoch. Dick stomps away then sends Hogan off only for them to crash into each other. Andre gets the hot tag and he backdrops Murdoch. Adonis interferes and Andre rams his and Murdoch’s heads together. Hogan intercepts a charging Studd. A pier 6 brawl develops as Andre cleans out the champs then floors Studd with a headbutt. Studd bails to the back as Andre gives chase. The champs double team Hogan inside the ring but soon Andre comes back. Studd’s nowhere to be found so now its down to 2 on 2. Hogan “Hulks Up” on Murdoch before tagging in Andre. Andre floors Murdoch with a big boot then sits on him. Hogan intercepts Adrian as the ref counts 1….2…3 and its over. Hogan and Andre prevail as the crowd cheers. Does this belong on a tape like this? For its time period, yes.

Time of Match: An edited 9:30

Winners: Hogan and Andre by pinfall

Vince sends us to a legendary women’s title match between Wendi Richter and Fabulous Moolah from July 23, 1984. Before we get to that we’re sent to an interview with “Mean” Gene Okerlund who’s bringing Captain Lou Albano and Moolah out. Albano rants and raves but calls her “often imitated, never duplicated” and ain’t that the truth. Nowadays “divas” are supposed to be beautiful as well as tough. Moolah was certainly attractive in her day but she was absolutely tough as nails. If she was in her prime today, she’d beat the ever loving shit out of every diva on the roster. Hell, this match was the day after she turned 61 years old (happy birthday Moolah) and she’s still in shape and kicking ass. Moolah says hi to her friends AND enemies and that she’ll come out on top. Albano goes to rant again but Gene cuts him off saying Cindy Lauper has Richter ready to go but Moolah scoffs. Albano says she’s held the belt for 12 years and Moolah says “27 years” which causes Albano to apologize. That was no joke either, due to shortage of ladies wrestling and because she was the best, Moolah really did have the belt since the Capitol Wrestling days of 1956.

Match 2:

Wendi Richter (with Cindy Lauper) vs Fabulous Moolah (with Lou Albano) for the WWF Women’s Championship

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Gene Okerlund

8 days after the last match (July 23rd now), we’re in Madison Square Garden for the dawning of the Rock N Wrestling era. Lauper had aligned herself with Wendi Richter to get back at Albano for insulting her on Piper’s Pit. Moolah’s got the green tights on and Richter the pink. Bells gone and they trade armdrags. Okerlund brings David Wolff over to say how Albano was never Cindy’s manager..yeah, we know. Moolah gets in a kick to the mid-section and a right hand to the face. Moolah executes a series of hairgrab takeovers before sending her through the ropes and onto the announcer’s table. Wolff, Monsoon and Okerlund helps Wendi up as we get a TAPE EDIT. Now Wendi locks in an armbar as Monsoon calls Albano a fountain of mis-information. Wendi goes for a splash on the arm but Moolah rolls out of the way. Another TAPE EDIT shows Moolah with the upperhand, snapping Wendi throat first off the top rope. Moolah struts around the ring and poses for the crowd, looks great for turning 61 the day earlier. Moolah drops Wendi with a chop to the chest. A headbutt by Wendi sends Moolah backwards, all tied up in the ring roops. Richter kicks away before we get another TAPE EDIT and now Richter’s holding Moolah so Cindy can take a shot at her. Lauper works the crowd for a pop before walloping Moolah the best she can. The ref tells her to hit the bricks as Albano gets bent out of shape. Moolah nails Moolah with a dropkick and the cover actually gets 3 because Moolah doesn’t get a shoulder up but the ref, Richter and the announcers pretend it was 2. Richter turns a scoop slam into a suplex (nice) but the cover only gets 1. Another TAPE EDIT now shows Moolah backdropping Wendi into the center of the ring. A cover gets 1.2..nope, Moolah pulls her up for more torture. Good god ANOTHER TAPE EDIT shows Moolah ramming Wendi’s head into the corner a few times. Moolah turns a rolling prawn into a german suplex for 1…2….3 and its over. Moolah and Albano celebrate but not so fast! The alert referee noticed Richter’s arm came up at 2 so that means…oh yes, Wendi Richter is your new WWF Women’s champion, ending the 27 year reign of Moolah. Ring announcer Howard Finkel announces Richter the new champion, Gene Okerlund “Oh my word, oh my word!” Wolff and Lauper celebrate with the exhausted Richter as its pandemonium in the Garden. Moolah gets pissed and dropkicks the referee. She and the referee stomp him out of the ring in frustration. The ref recovers to raise Wendi’s hand as Albano and Moolah celebrate like she still won the match. Monsoon and Mean Gene finally notice the replay and it confirms Richter’s arm comes up at two. I can’t even rate the match because it was edited so badly but for what its worth, Richter was damn good and Moolah looked great for 61. A new era had begun and for a brief period, women’s wrestling would be taken seriously in MSG. Does this match belong on a tape like this, absolutely.

Time of match: A heavily edited 4:06

Winner: Wendi Richter by pinfall (New women’s champion)

We then go to one of the most famous segments in WWF history (that’s never mentioned anymore because most of today’s fanbase weren’t even born yet)

Match 3

Baron Mikel Scicluna vs Gorilla Monsoon

Commentator: Vince McMahon

Back in 1976, Monsoon was an active wrestler and today he’d be taking on the Madman from Malta. The ring announcer introduces heavyweight boxing legend Muhammad Ali in the front row before introducing the combatants. Monsoon gets a huge pop from the crowd but Scicluna attacks him before the bell.  The Baron attacks Monsoon in the corner with forearms. Finally Monsoon rallies with chops and right hands. Monsoon nails Scicluna on the top of the head with a slap then chops him over the top rope to the floor. All of a sudden Muhammad Ali pops up and takes his jacket off. Apparently Ali wants to go round to round with Monsoon as the crowd pops.

At this point Scicluna says the hell with it and leaves as the ref calls for the bell. Ali sheds his shirt, jacket and shoes as he climbs in the ring. Monsoon twirls his finger around his head and asks if Ali has gone crazy. Ali tries to stick and move with jabs as Monsoon laughs at him. Monsoon throws a jab himself and Ali continues to stick and move. Finally Monsoon grabs him by the arm and puts him in an airplane spin. Camera bulbs go off all over as Monsoon drops him back first. Monsoon circles Ali like a shark as Ali’s manager gets him out of there. Vince hypes up Ali saying he could whip any wrestler and Monsoon just proved otherwise. Vince leaps up from his broadcast position wearing a red suit to interview Monsoon. Monsoon says he’s a great boxer but had no business being in the wrestling ring. “This guy doesn’t know a wristlock from a wrist watch how can he get in there with a wrestler? All he knows is to throw a few lousy jabs, that’s not gonna stop a wrestler!” Vince takes a look at the replay and Monsoon says “Great boxer, terrible, terrible as a wrestler.” My how times have changed. Muhammad Ali is considered by many to be the greatest heavyweight boxer of all time and he was humiliated by Gorilla Monsoon there. 33 years later the game’s greatest WELTERWEIGHT at the time, Floyd Mayweather, would step in the ring with Big Show. Show is significantly taller and a bit heavier than Monsoon. Senile Vince apparently forgot how he booked Ali/Monsoon decades earlier and had Floyd knock out Big Show. As for the forgotten third man, Scicluna was one of the top heels of the 60’s and 70’s plus was inducted into the WWF Hall of Fame in 1996. So we got 2 hall of fame wrestlers and a hall of fame boxer in one match, that certainly belongs on a tape like this.

Time of match: 48 seconds

Winner: Gorilla Monsoon by count-out.

We now go to a squash match featuring The Superfly…..huh?

Match 4

“Superfly” Jimmy Snuka vs Bobby Bass

Commentators: Jack Reynolds and King Kong Mosca

We’re on weekly WWF programming for this useless jobber match from sometime in 1984. Reynolds was a known broadcaster at the time and Mosca was an ex wrestler. Hell, think Bischoff and Mongo. Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka gets attacked at the opening bell. He gets whipped into the corner but leaps over a charging Bass. Snuka backdrops Bass then scoop slams him. A series of hiptosses from the Superfly frustrates Bobby to the point he bails to the outside. Back inside Bass applies a headlock and shoulderblocks Jimmy down. Snuka leaps over Bass then delivers a flying headbutt. Snuka delivers a backbreaker then goes upstairs. The crowd goes beserk as Snuka hits the Superfly Splash. The cover 1…2…3 and its over. Absolutely no idea what the purpose of having a jobber match on this tape was unless it was to show how awesome Snuka was. Does it belong on the tape? Hell no!

Time of match: 1:24

Winner: Jimmy Snuka by pinfall
Vince sends us to Piper’s Pit where “Rowdy” Roddy Piper interviews Snuka…..yes, THAT Piper’s Pit. Unfortunately its clipped so we don’t get the full interview. We’re at the part where Piper tells Snuka to put the microphone in Jimmy’s little greasy paws. Piper then says he’s going to make Jimmy feel at home, he picks up a pineapple from a brown paper bag. My favorite line “This pineapple is like the women from the Fiji Islands, long busty hair on top, round on the bottom.” Piper then pulls out a bunch of bananas and taunts Snuka with them. Piper with coconuts: “Here we go….one coconuttttt….two coconuttttttt…four coconutttts, ya wanna be a big shot? Ya know what, the only thing I didn’t get. I didn’t get a tree for you to climb up and down like a monkey, like ya wanna do. You want to be a big shot, I’ll get you a tree next time!” He then throws a banana in Snuka’s face and finally Jimmy speaks, softly. “Are you making fun of me?” Piper: “Am I making fun of you? No sir! No Sir!” At this point Piper smashes a coconut over Snuka’s head that sends him sprawling into the cheap Piper’s Pit set, knocking it down. Piper grabs a banana, kicks the set off Snuka and begins rubbing it in his face. Piper gets another banana, spits at him, then rubs another one in his face. Piper then takes his belt off and whacks Snuka in the back as a little box in the corner with a smiling Piper is shown. This must be the TNT replay of the incident rather than the actual broadcast. Piper keeps whipping Snuka repeatedly and taunting him to get up. Finally Snuka gets to his feet, screams in rage and chases Piper behind a locked door. Snuka pounds on the door but can’t get it open as Tito Santana and 2 others pry him away. Vince then sends us to the inevitable match this angle would lead to. Does this Piper’s Pit belong on this tape? HELL YEAH!

Match 5

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper vs “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and “Lord” Alfred Hays

After the famous Piper’s Pit where Piper smashed a coconut over Snuka’s head, a match was in order. Nowadays it would be a week later on Raw or 3 weeks later on a pay per view but this match was in August of 1984, 5 months after Piper’s Pit. Madison Square Garden would be the scene and Snuka is wearing a loud pink shirt. After a LOT of stalling they trade blows in the ring until Snuka gets the upper hand. A karate chop drops Piper as the crowd explodes. A few more chops floors Piper again who begs off. Snuka delivers a jumping headbutt who drops and begs off. A headlocked punch staggers Roddy. They trade blows before Piper tries his own jumping headbutt and nearly knocks himself out. Monsoon “That was a mistake.” Piper follows up with a thumb to the eye, that worked. Piper does his own series of headlocked punches before doing a snapmare. Piper pounds away the Snuka on the mat as the ref tells him to watch the fist. Snuka rallies with a right hand and another chop to the chest. Snuka then chops Piper over the top rope to the floor. Snuka follows and rams Roddy’s head into the side of the ring. Snuka goes for a whip but Piper’s head accidentally gets caught behind the rope and it chokes him. Snuka plays off of it and Alfred says “Oh, what a good move!” Nice cover up boys. Snuka clubs away at Roddy then sends him off the ropes, only to catch him in a sleeper hold. Piper begins having a seizure then bails to the outside…with Snuka still applying the hold. Finally Piper breaks free by ramming Snuka backwards into the apron. Piper goes to ram Jimmy’s head into the post but Snuka counters last second. Snuka beats on him all around the ring. Piper grabs a steel chair but Jimmy grabs it from him then rams Roddy’s head into it. BRILLIANT! Piper is busted wide open as he retreats inside the ring. Piper bleeds and begs off from a screaming Snuka as the crowd is really into it. Snuka begins pounding away on Piper and the ref tries to pull him off to no avail. Snuka delivers a falling headbutt and goes upstairs. Piper gets to his feet and Snuka dives off, only to be caught by Roddy and dropped throat first on the top rope. Snuka stays there and Piper dumps him to the floor. The ref counts out Snuka and Piper’s your winner. I bet MSG was livid at that one but the tape cuts off there. Did this belong on the tape? Absolutely, you had a hot feud at the time that started from one of the all-time great moments in wrestling history.

Time of match: 6:12

Winner: Roddy Piper by count-out

Vince sends us to a junior heavyweight championship match…..what?

Match 6

The Cobra vs The Black Tiger for the WWF Junior Heavyweight Championship

Commentators: Gorilla Monsoon and Gene Okerlund

How do I explain this one? When Vince bought Georgia Championship Wrestling away from Jim Barnett, he inherited the junior heavyweight champion Les Thornton. After booking Les for a few shows as the Junior Heavyweight champion, for whatever reason he stripped Thornton of the title. This match was supposed to fill the vacant title on December 28, 1984 in Madison Square Garden. Who the hell are these dudes though? Well the WWF defended its junior heavyweight title mostly in Japan. The Cobra is not Jeff Farmer (who’d later play The Cobra and the nWo Sting in WCW) but actually George Takano, a veteran of Stampede and NWA wrestling. He defeated none other than Davey Boy Smith to win the NWA junior title a year earlier. Who is Black Tiger? I’ll reveal him at the end. Fink bills Cobra from Japan weighing 225 pounds but the graphic on screen says 220. Black Tiger is billed from England weighing 220….hmmm, there’s your first clue. Cobra is a good few inches taller than Tiger and they circle to start. Cobra applies a hammerlock but Tiger spins out of it then drops Cobra with a series of takedowns. Tiger drops an elbow and locks in a rest-hold. Cobra reverses into a hammerlock, Tiger switches but Cobra again brings him down with a hammerlock. TAPE EDIT and now Tiger has Cobra in a leg-lock. Back to a reverse chinlock until Cobra makes it to his feet. In what would be used on the opening Coliseum Video montage, Black Tiger nails Cobra with a stiff clothesline. Hmm, junior heavyweight from England that uses stiff clotheslines, ringing a bell yet? Tiger sommersaults onto Cobra and covers but Cobra kicks out immediately. Tiger runs right into a back drop and Cobra applies a rest-hold. Cobra goes to work then goes up to the top only for Tiger to catch him in mid-air….and let Cobra down on his feet. Cobra then does a spinning wheel kick that catches Tiger in the ribs. Cobra drops a second rope knee drop then executes a gut-wrench suplex. A cover gets 1…2..no. Cobra catches Tiger in a crucifix for a deuce then applies a head scissors. Tiger then nips up and backs into the corner. Cobra fakes locking up then kicks Tiger in the ribs then delivers a gut buster. Cobra locks in a Boston crab then turns it into a Luchador Special (I’ll explain another time)….something unheard of in 1984 American wrestling. We get a TAPE EDIT and now Cobra breaks a full nelson then kicks Tiger in the head. Cobra sends Black Tiger to the floor with a dropkick where Tiger hops on the apron, nails Cobra then goes upstairs. In another clip that would be used in the Coliseum Video montage, Cobra slams Tiger off the top rope. Cobra locks in another head scissors before Tiger powers out of it. Tiger applies a headlock but is floored with a shoulderblock off the ropes. Tiger nips up and decks Cobra with another stiff arm clothesline. Tiger stops to nod at the crowd then drops a knee and covers for 1…2..nope. Tiger executes a swinging neckbreaker but we get another TAPE EDIT and now both men are down. Once they get to their feet, Cobra nearly takes Tiger’s head off with a spinning wheel kick. The cover gets a deuce and Cobra nails Tiger with a standing dropkick that sends Tiger through the ropes and to the outside. Cobra bounces off the ropes and SUICIDE DIVES through the ropes and onto Tiger. After another TAPE EDIT, Cobra is in the ring and Tiger drops him with a right hand from the apron. Tiger goes upstairs and splashes Cobra, gets up, nods at the crowd and executes a floatover suplex for 1…2..nope. Tiger picks up Cobra in a scoop slam position but modifies it to a tombstone, ouch. The cover gets a deuce and Tiger goes for another tombstone only for Cobra to reverse it. Cobra nails Tiger with the tombstone then goes upstairs. Cobra senton bombs (yes in 1984) Tiger then covers for 1…2…3 and its over. The crowd pops for a match that was 12 years ahead of its time. Fink presents the belt to Cobra. Cobra goes to shake Tiger’s hand but Tiger nails him in the chest with a forearm. What looks to be a sore loser angle is ruined because the segment cuts right then. Still, that match was right on par with the WCW cruiserweight matches that wouldn’t take place for a dozen years. Outstanding effort by both men although Cobra was pulling moves that were years ahead of their time. As for the Black Tiger….British light heavyweight with stiff clotheslines and a great suplex. If you haven’t guessed yet, it’s Mark “Rollerball” Rocco! What, were you expecting Dynamite Kid? Anyway as for the match deserving to be on this tape, definitely yes. It was a revolutionary match that wouldn’t be commonplace for at least a decade.

Time of match: A heavily edited 6:58

Winner: The Cobra by pinfall (New Junior Heavyweight champion)

We go from a great junior heavyweight match to one of the most infamous skits in professional wrestling history. Somehow Hulk Hogan decided on “Mean” Gene Okerlund to be his tag team partner in a match against George “The Animal” Steele and Mr.Fuji. Instead of just having the match, we now are forced to sit through their training segments. We begin with a graphic showing its Day 1. Mean Gene is sitting at his kitchen table smoking a cigar and reading the paper as Hulk barges in and yells at him. Gene whines and says its 5 in the morning but Hogan rips the cigar and cup of coffee out of Gene’s mouth. Gene says he’s going to have bacon, eggs and pancakes for breakfast and Hogan will have none of it. Hogan then cracks 3 raw eggs into a glass for Gene and then one glass for himself. Hogan says they’re going to do this every 2 hours while in training. For some reason they edit out Gene actually drinking the eggs but anyway, he’s ready to go. Now we cut to Hogan and Gene running around one of the Minnesota lakes as fans legitimately cheer them on. Hogan doesn’t appear to be winded at all while Okerlund looks ready for a stretcher. Hogan is wearing his Hulkamania t-shirt and red jogging shorts, Gene is wearing the same only his shirt has sleeves on it. Hulk is barely breaking a sweat as they run around the lake but Gene struggles. Now Gene and Hulk are running through the streets of Minneapolis except now Hogan is wearing blue spandex pants and Gene as a blue hat with visor and a blue/white t-shirt. Gene stops for a beer and a braut but Hogan stops him and says get back to work. Ok, have to admit THAT part was funny. We get a graphic saying its Day 2 and Gene and Hulk are now hanging around the Olympia Gym. Mean gene is wearing a sleeveless black shirt that says Hulk-A-Mania while Hogan is wearing a red sleeveless shirt that says Mean Gene-O-Mania. Gene doubts himself but Hogan gives him a pep talk before working out. The Olympia Gym was a legitimate gym located at 2604 Lyndale Avenue in Minneapolis. Gene and Hulk work out to the Coliseum Video opening theme as several gym patrons cheer them on. We get a graphic saying Day 3 as Gene is back in his kitchen reading the paper in a blue bathrobe when Hulk barges in again. Apparently its 6 AM and time to train, you’d think Gene would have put locks on his doors at this point. Today Hulk and Gene are running up the steps of an empty arena. Hulk in just red shorts and Gene in red shorts and a white t-shirt. Hulk carries Gene on his shoulders up the stairs and says Gene is next much to Gene’s dismay. Now we see Gene struggling to go up the stairs with Hogan on his back. If you were taking this out of context, with Gene’s repeated cries “Oh, Hulk. Oh, Hulk”  you’d think this would be REALLY gay. Now we get a graphic for Day 4 and Hulk is making Gene wheelbarrow up the steps with Hulk saying Gene-O-Mania is running wild. Finally Gene makes it all the way up the stairs and says “Hulk, we got it!” They look out over Minnesota and it’s a nice view actually. As the theme blares again, Hulk and Gene run up the steps of the state capitol in perfect rhythm and Gene jumps into Hogan’s arms. Gene thanks a bunch of people but most likely due to legal reasons, he’s edited out and he says they’re ready for Fuji and Steele at the Met Center. Now that we’ve survived this, let’s get to the actual match.

Match 7

George “The Animal” Steele and Mr. Fuji vs “Mean” Gene Okerlund and Hulk Hogan

Commentator: Vince McMahon

August 26, 1984 was the epic showdown between Hulk and Gene against Steele and Fuji. After Okerlund and Hogan’s quasi-homosexual training sessions, let’s hope this match is short and sweet. We’re at the Met Center in Minneapolis, MN which is pretty much a homecoming for Hulk and Gene since they both came from the AWA. Hogan enters wearing the blue tights and Mean Gene-O-Mania t-shirt while Okerlund enters with black tights and Hulk-A-Mania on his t-shirt. Gene is also carrying Hogan’s belt, isn’t that nice of him? Hogan rips Okerlund’s shirt off and he looks ridiculous. Actually now that I think about it, Mr. Fuji was 49 years old, Steele was 47 and Okerlund was 41. Hogan had just turned 31 fifteen days earlier meaning he’s technically in his prime. Hogan and Fuji start and Fuji gets the upperhand in the corner with chops. Hogan ducks under one, slugs Fuji, sends him off the corner and hiptosses him. Fuji charges and Hogan scoop slams him. Fuji scrambles for the tag and Steele tries to intimidate Hulk with his signature taunt, only for Hogan to turn around and tell Steele to kiss his ass. We get a TAPE EDIT and now Hogan is down with Steele stalking him. Steele pounds away on the Hulkster but Hogan Hulks Up quickly and floors both George and an interfering Fuji. Many fans can (and should) make fun of Hogan for wrestling too long past his prime but back in 1984 Hulk really did rule. His offense was crisp, his Hulk Up’s weren’t routine and his promos weren’t cliché. Hogan follows the heels to the floor and drops both of them then struts in the ring. Okerlund stomps on Fuji’s hand for good measure. Hogan high fives Okerlund excessively and the referee constitutes that as a tag. This means, oh yes, Okerlund now has to wrestle Steele. D’OH! Hogan protests brother but the ref will have none of it and orders Okerlund in the ring. Steele taunts Gene then backs him into the corner. George charges but Gene crawls under his legs and makes the tag to Hulk. Steele begs off and Hulk bashes him into the corner. He grabs Fuji and rams his and Steele’s heads together.  We get a TAPE EDIT and now Fuji is in the ring getting clobbered. Hulk atomic drops Steele as Fuji reaches into his tights for salt. Gene, from the apron, knocks the salt from Fuji’s hand. Hogan whips Fuji off into the knee of Okerlund, dropping Fuji. Hogan tags in Mean Gene and picks him up from outside and slams him on top of Fuji. Hogan from the outside puts his hand directly on Okerlund’s ass as the ref counts 1…2..3 and this fiasco is over. Jesse “The Body” Ventura comes out of nowhere to protest as Hogan and Okerlund clean house of Fuji and Steele. Okerlund jumps into Hogan’s arms and they do many questionable high fives. They pose for the crowd as the segment ends. Was this deserving to be on the tape, unfortunately yes. This was one of the most talked about segment/matches for years and years good or bad. If people are still talking about it, its legendary.

Time of match: Who gives a damn?

Winners: Hogan and Okerlund by pinfall

We now cut to the set-up match for one of the hottest pre-Hulkamania angles WWWF did during the final years of Vince Sr.

Match 8

Larry Zybysko vs “Living Legend” Bruno Sammartino

Commentator: Vince McMahon

This was billed as teacher vs student as Bruno had actually trained Larry in the early 70’s. This match was on January 22, 1980 in Allentown, PA and the 28 year old Larry tries to best his 44 year old mentor. Zybysko has red tights and a full head of blonde hair while Bruno enters wearing the blue tights with a full head of hair as well. They tie up twice and both times Bruno backs Larry into the ropes but breaks clean. Zybysko nearly catches Bruno with an outside shot but Bruno avoids it. Zybysko executes a nice go-behind but Bruno switches. Zybysko tries a standing switch then a sit-out but Bruno’s wrist control is too strong. Bruno releases the hold and Zybysko looks at him as if to say “What did you do that for?” Bruno gets a side headlock but Larry tosses him off the ropes then delivers a hiptoss. Larry covers for a deuce and Bruno powers out of it. Larry applies a headlock then floors Bruno with a shoulderblock. Zybysko runs off the ropes but right into a drop-toe-hold by Sammartino. Larry scoop slams Bruno then covers for a loud 2 count. Bruno counters with his own scoop slam and Larry gets up frustrated. Larry tries a got behind but Bruno catches the wrist and begins fighting it off. Bruno goes for a side wrist-lock but Zybysko alertly turns it into an abdominal stretch. Bruno hiptosses Larry after a bit and Vince speculates that Zybysko is angry at himself….not exactly. Zybysko catches Bruno with another scoop slam and covers for another near-fall. Zybsyko picks the near ankle and turns it into a half crab. Bruno squirms loose then drops Zybysko with a toe hold, only to release it. The crowd applauds the chain of events before Bruno applies a top wristlock but releases the hold when Zybysko struggles. Larry doesn’t like it but ties up again only to get headlocked. They criss cross and Larry goes for another hiptoss but this time Bruno counters with one of his own. Larry pounds the mat in frustration and looks up at his mentor with a look of disdain. They circle and Larry gets a side headlock then drops Bruno with a shoulderblock. Zybysko tries to garner momentum only to run right into a bear-hug. Zybysko screams out so Bruno lets him go. Zybysko gets even more frustrated at Bruno for showing mercy and Bruno looks at him confused. Larry ducks under a forearm to apply a hammerlock. Bruno looks to escape but his switch ends up dropping Larry through the ropes to the outside. Bruno holds the ropes for Larry but Zybysko catches him with a knee to the gut on his way back in the ring. Larry pounds away with forearms to the back then stomps to the chest. Larry rams Bruno’s head into the turnbuckle as the crowd begins booing the dastardly tactics. Larry goes outside and grabs a wooden chair as Vince freaks out. The ref tries to stop him but Larry throws him through the ropes to the outside to earn the DQ. Larry then whacks Bruno in the head with the chair and Sammartino blades…really badly. By badly as in he’s bleeding all over the ring. Zybysko hits him twice more and then throws the chair down in frustration. He leaves to a chorus of boos as the ref tends to the bloody mess left behind. This was the start of a red hot feud that would last throughout most of 1980. The match itself was classic storytelling that’s lost on most of today’s braindead fans. Modern day fans expect spotfests and 20 minutes of posing but what I just saw was very entertaining without spots and posing. Does this belong on this tape? Yes only because it set up the next match.

Time of match: 9:16

Winner: Bruno Sammartino by DQ

Before we go to the final match of the tape, we go to Bruno’s “weigh-in” for the “Showdown at Shea”. Back then the WWWF still tried to look somewhat legit by having weigh-ins and Bruno enters wearing blue tights and flip flops.  Vince is wearing a horrific yellow polyester jacket and green pants. I know it was 1980 but gadzooks! Vince interviews Bruno saying both he and Larry are in terrific shape although Bruno says he’s going to destroy Zybysko. Vince asks him about the upcoming cage match and Bruno says he’s going to win. I didn’t notice at first but Kerry at thewrestlingfan.com pointed out that doctor in the ring was George Zahorian. Dr Z was the doctor that supplied nearly every wrestler in the 80’s and early 90’s with steroids. Now let’s get to the main event of the tape.

Match 9

Larry Zybysko vs “Living Legend” Bruno Sammartino (with Arnold Skaaland) in a Steel Cage Match

Commentator: Vince McMahon

The “Showdown at Shea” which drew over 36,000 fans to Shea Stadium occurred on August 9, 1980. Larry’s heel turn and subsequent bloodying of Bruno was the talk of the wrestling world in 1980. Freddie Blassie, Captain Lou and Grand Wizard all made pitches for Larry to join their stables but Larry turned them all down, he wanted to destroy Bruno and he wanted to do it alone. This would never happen now but after the beat-down of Bruno, fans destroyed Larry’s car, turned over taxis he was riding in, stabbing him in the ass and nailed with an iron pipe. That’s how legitimate WWWF used to be. Larry and Bruno would work matches and fans believed them to be real as opposed to now where morons on the independent circuit hurt each other for real and nobody cares. Bruno enters the cage wearing the blue tights with Larry in the red. Larry attacks as Bruno attempts to enter the cage but a boot to the mid-section sends Zybysko flying. Bruno boots his former pupil in the head then rams him right into the cage. Bruno sends him crashing, head first into the cage again then puts the boots to him. Bruno caters to the crowd as we get a TAPE EDIT although Bruno is still stomping away on Larry. Bruno chokes Larry on the second rope then rakes his face across the cage. At this point the camera pauses on this image even though action is still going on with Vince calling it. Once the production crew wakes up, Larry punches Bruno in the nads.  Bruno crawls around as Larry goes to escape the cage. He gets halfway out before a lunging Bruno pulls him back in. Now it’s Larry’s turn to throw Bruno face first into the cage. We get another TAPE EDIT and when we resume Larry rams Bruno’s head into the cage once again. Bruno sells a left arm injury as Larry looks to escape over the top. Sammartino pulls him off the top with his one good arm (and THIS is why you don’t edit matches. I have no idea why Bruno’s selling an arm injury because the edited match hasn’t shown any arm moves). ANOTHER TAPE EDIT has Larry dropping Sammartino with a right hand. Bruno ducks under a right hand, goes behind and delivers a knee to the hamstrings. Another TAPE EDIT shows Bruno choking out Larry. Zybysko goes upstairs but Sammartino catches him and slams him in the center of the ring. We get another TAPE EDIT (way too many) and now Bruno is clutching his right arm as Larry taunts him. Camera zooms in to show Bruno’s arm is badly lacerated. Larry batters Bruno in the corner then goes to escape. Vince says Larry would be “The New Living Legend” if he escapes. Well he didn’t escape as Bruno stops him last second but he would bill himself as “Living Legend” Larry Zybysko throughout his entire 90’s WCW run. Zybysko goes to attack Bruno in the corner when we get yet another TAPE EDIT. I’ve had about enough of this really. Bruno drags Larry through the ropes and rams him into the ringpost. Another TAPE EDIT has me throwing my hands up as Bruno throws Larry against the cage. Bruno throws the bloody Zybysko over the top rope into the cage, grabs him then throws him into the other side of the cage. Zybysko is out of it as Bruno calls for the cage to be opened. Zybysko staggers to his feet and Bruno gestures at Larry saying “The hell with you” and walks out the door. Bruno wins it as the ref raises his left arm. Arnold Skaaland goes to raise Bruno’s right which causes him to cry out in pain, either he’s really hurt or a terrific seller. A lost art today. Larry protests and staggers out of the cage pointing at him. Larry walks toward Bruno and stares at him before Bruno whacks him in the face twice. Larry raises Bruno’s arm as a sign of respect but Bruno pulls it down and walks away. Larry was going for the slow, face turn but Bruno was not in a forgiving mood. Overall this one of the best drawing angles the WWWF ever did and it was capped off correctly with the babyface brutalizing the heel in a cage. As it stands, this was the beginning of the end for Bruno. Zybysko would leave the company shortly after to wrestle for Georgia Championship Wrestling and Bruno settled into a semi-retirement. Oh and one last thing, Hogan takes credit in his autobiography that he and Andre were the reason for the sold out crowd at Shea. Once again his egotism gets in the way of reality. Hogan was just a heel back then, Andre could have wrestled “Crazy” Luke Graham and it wouldn’t have made a difference. Bruno and Larry were THE talk of the wrestling world in 1980 with house shows and mega-cards being sold out with them headlining. Bruno and Larry were the main event for a reason and THEY drew the house despite what the almighty Hulkster claims. Does this match belong on this tape, HELL YES!

Time of match: A heavily edited 6:51 (real time was 15:10)

Winner: Bruno Sammartino

That’s it for the tape as we get the orchestral end credits. Once again the message that the matches were edited for entertainment purposes appears. I don’t know why they did that, they had a full 2 hours on the cassette and this didn’t even top 90 minutes. They could have shown the Bruno/Larry cage in its entirety and still had room. After the credits we get a sneak preview for BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 2, ANDRE THE GIANT and MOST UNUSUAL MATCHES. As for this tape, now THAT’S more like it. This was supposed to be the “best” of what they had to offer and that’s exactly what they delivered. Every angle and match was legendary either good or bad and some of them were huge draws such as Piper/Snuka and Zybysko/Sammartino. I give it 4 stars out of 5 and it would have been 5 out of 5 but the edits were too much, too many things were cut out. The next tape after this is the first WRESTLEMANIA.

Bloopers, Bleeps and Bodyslams (WF001)

bloopers

WWF’s Bloopers, Bleeps and Bodyslams (WF001)

The one that started it all. Today there are nearly 700 tapes and DVD’s put out by WWF/E home video with material dating as far back as the 1960’s. Back in the 80’s VCR’s were sweeping the nation and Vince McMahon made the genius decision to capitalize on them by releasing a line of home videos, something new in wrestling. In 1985, he would release his product on both Betamax (think 8 tracks but for tapes) and VHS. The very first one was titled Bloopers, Bleeps and Bodyslams and it was more or less a compilation tape of all the silly stuff that the WWF was capable of. I am unsure of the actual release date but since most of the action is from 1984 and earlier plus the tape was released before the first Wrestlemania, I’d venture a guess to say early 1985. Before I continue, that seems pretty ballsy doesn’t it? You need to hit a home run in order for fans to continue to purchase your product, then instead of presenting blow away matches/hot feuds, you begin with TNT (Tuesday Night Titans) skits and goofy moments? Anyway let’s get to it. The tape opens with a really cool intro video that comprises of the history of coliseum wrestling (the Roman one that is) before showing highlights of modern day WWF action set to a cool brass (trumpets and trombones for non music fans reading this) theme.

Gorilla Monsoon welcomes us and shills the upcoming action. He even pokes fun at himself as they show an outtake of his opening speech plus play it backwards. Then we get a short clip where on Piper’s Pit, Roddy Piper asks to compare hands with Andre the Giant. Andre says sure and slaps him upside the head. Cut to a short clip of a 10 men tag match at the Philadelphia Spectrum where one team consists of Jimmy Snuka (in the ring), Andre, Rocky Johnson, Pedro Morales and Salvatore Bellomo against Don Muraco (in the ring), “Superstar” Billy Graham, “Playboy” Buddy Rose, Ray “Crippler” Stevens and Mr. Fuji. Snuka goes to town on Muraco before tagging in Morales, Morales floors Don with a forearm to the chest and revs up the crowd before tagging in Andre. Andre shoots Muraco in the ropes then delivers a big boot that sends Don over the top rope to the floor. Stevens and Rose come over to help him back in and once inside, Muraco locks in a headlock on the giant who gets sent off the ropes and runs into the huge posterior of Andre. Muraco sells it like he took a cannon shot to the ribs. Muraco staggers to his corner and puts his hand up, Rose refuses to tag in but Stevens reluctantly does. Even though this is a short segment, its always nice to see the original “crippler” in Stevens on a WWF tape no less. He made his name in the 70’s with the AWA as half of a great tag team with Nick Bockwinkel managed by a young Bobby Heenan. Turns out the segment ends right there,

We cut to one of my favorite segments of all-time, love advice from “Classy” Freddie Blassie on Tuesday Night Titans. Before I go any further let me explain what Tuesday Night Titans was. Most wrestling shows from that era, especially the territorial ones were one sided squash matches with an occasional main event tossed in there while hyping up some house show that was coming up that Friday or whatever. Vince thought that kind of shit put fans to sleep and decided to come up with something new. Basically he completely ripped off Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show by having himself in the Carson chair with Alfred Hays playing the role of Ed McMahon (no relation to Vince). Instead of presenting wrestling matches, the show featured WWF stars doing interviews, performing in skits and doing off the wall things not seen in wrestling before. Sure it was hokey and silly but it was also revolutionary because it added to the characters of all those involved, good or bad. As Ric Flair once said, Vince couldn’t match the NWA talent for talent so he had to match with larger than life characters such as Hulk Hogan, George “The Animal” Steele and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper. Back to the segment, Blassie admitted in his book he and Vince Jr used to ride together because they had a lot in common including love of fast cars and loud outfits. Here Vince is in a nice suit while Blassie is in his usual lavish pink suit. Vince “Freddie you’ve always been willing to help individuals with problems.” Freddie “A lot of pencil neck geeks around here have a lot of problems, I’ll guarantee you that.” The first letter comes from a woman who claims her husband pays no attention to her until after TNT is over (nice plug). Freddie “He doesn’t pay attention to her huh? Has the woman tried taking a bath? Has she used under arm deodorant? Has she shaved her armpits, her legs? Ya goofy broad that’s what ya gotta do!” Vince tries to say the problem is TNT and Freddie counters “Maybe the sheets are dirty.” Next question has a woman that complains that her husband is performing moves on her after watching WWF. Do Not Try This At Home didn’t debut for over a decade so fans had carte blanche to do what they wanted back then. Vince “His superfly Snuka leap off the top of the dresser is too much.” At this point Freddie, Vince and the cameraman all break character briefly to laugh at the hilariousness of that statement. “What about practicing holds on her, Mr. Blassie?” Freddie “Oh yeah, my second wife I used to practice strangleholds on her all the time.” Vince starts laughing for real. Freddie “Some of these broads need to be kicked around.” He spits on the floor as Vince tries to go back in babyface announcer mode “Mr Blassie please.” Freddie “Ya know I used to write a column for Hollywood News Gazette! I taught that dear Aby (he says A-Bee) and Ann Flanders! Don’t ya know anything?” Next letter Vince laughs as he reads a 60 year old woman has limited experience with men but has nice legs, a firm waist and a burning desire to date a wrestler. Vince asks Freddie if he has any suggestions on who to date buts cuts him off saying she’s 60. Freddie was no stranger to women at his advancing age so he says age doesn’t matter. Vince asks him if he has any wrestlers in mind willing to date a 60 year old and Blassie lists Sgt Slaughter, Tito Santana, Hulk Hogan and Tonga Kid. Vince scoffs saying Tonga Kid is only 18 years old and Blassie’s response “Good, he’s got a lot of life in him. It’ll be good for the old lady!” The camera man starts laughing again as the segment ends right there. I could watch those two in that capacity all day but its time to move on.

Monsoon rejoins us for a vanity segment, huh? Monsoon talks about hair loss and how it affects wrestlers. We cut to a squash match where “Iron” Mike Sharpe (with Lou Albano outside) beats on jobber Steve Grey. Sharpe grabs Grey by the hair and rams his head on the buckle which such force, Grey’s hair falls off. He was wearing a toupee inside the ring, smart huh? Sharpe throws Grey to the outside and taunts him with his own hairpiece as the segment ends there before Captain Lou has a chance to pound on the poor, bald jobber.

Next we go to a TNT segment where Freddie Blassie tries to hype up Tiger Chung Lee as a badass by having him break breaks with karate chops. Only problem is Lee can’t break anything. Vince turns his back and laughs as even Blassie tries to save face by uttering gibberish (he claimed in his book that back then managers had to at least pretend they knew the language of their wrestler) as Lee continues to struggle to break the bricks. Monsoon claims he bought the bricks himself and had them loaded with steel but the fact was Lee was exposed as a fraud on national television. No wonder he didn’t last.

Next up is Captain Lou Albano. Monsoon refers to him as the greatest walking advertisement for birth control. We go to a segment on TNT where Vince is wearing a piss-yellow suit while Lou rants and raves in his Hawaiian shirt. Lou claims he’s got an IQ of 901.73. At this point I realize if I quote everything this review will take forever so from here on I’ll quote only the funniest while giving a brief synopsis of the segments.

We go to a posedown held in what looks to be a lounge between Paul Orndorff and Tony Atlas. Vince is your MC wearing a red suit sitting at a table with Renee Goulet who is sipping a cocktail and looking bored. Atlas poses first to the Coliseum Video theme before Orndorff comes out and poses to the same theme. Both have killer physiques but Atlas gets the duke due to being a babyface. Paul protests then clobbers Atlas in the back, sending him crashing into what appears to be The Spoiler’s table. A tall guy in a mask tries to break apart Orndorff and Atlas and just for namesake I’ll call him The Spoiler. Spoiler and Vince lead Orndorff out the side door while Atlas stands there flustered.

Monsoon says life on the road can be lonely and sends us to Iron Sheik’s haram party on TNT with Vince hosting in the gray suit. Sheik stands by an actual live camel wearing his actual 1971 AAU wrestling champion medal he won in the 180 pound division as well as his turban and loud shirt. The one hilarious quote is he claims the camel is better looking than Sgt Slaughter. Alfred Hays is brought in to analyze the animal as Sheik continues to run down Slaughter. Vince makes a goof and both he and Sheik laugh at Vince’s expense before Sheik continues to rant. Vince asks Sheik what the camels name is and at first he speaks a long name in farci. Vince asks for the translation and Sheik answers “Claude”. All 3 men share a laugh which makes me laugh because Sheik’s supposed to be a heel yet everyone’s having fun here. Vince notices Alfred standing by the camel’s ass and asks if there’s any action back there. To save time I’ll skip the rest and move on.

Monsoon blows the ending of the next segment which has Freddie Blassie, Friday (the original Kim Chee) and a dancing chicken on TNT, yes of course I’m serious. Vince is wearing the beige suit as Blassie is in his blue sequined suit. The camera pans to the chicken just as it takes a shit, which adds to the hilarity. Vince notices and lets Blassie know. Kamala comes out to check out the chicken as Vince asks what’s going on. Freddie announces that the chicken will perform a disappearing act as Kamala will eat him alive, causing Vince to protest. Kamala goes after the chicken and the camera cuts away only to return to Kamala eating an obviously cooked chicken. I’m sure Vince used the camera cut to get the real chicken out of there before PETA showed up.

Monsoon cuts to an actual wrestling match for once….only its midgets. The Haiti Kid takes on Danny Carpenter in a hilarious midget match. I say it’s hilarious because back then it was legitimately funny before the antics became redundant in the following 10 years.

Ivan Putski teaches women and Vince (wearing a gray plaid overcoat and blue pants) how to polka. Vince may or may not be dancing with Linda, it kind of looks like her but I’m not sure. Either way they’re all having a merry ol time with a legitimate polka band performing in the back. The Crusher and Dick The Bruiser should be there but they’re in the AWA and couldn’t make it.

WWF champion Hulk Hogan finally makes his (and shockingly only) appearance on the August 24, 1984 edition of Tuesday Night Titans making protein shakes for Vince and Alfred to try. Vince tries it and he likes it but when “Awful” Alfred tries it, he promptly throws up. Next!

Back to TNT where it’s Captain Lou’s turn to give love advice. The first letter says her husband is from the old world and doesn’t wear deodorant, which stinks her out. Lou says that’s fine and what she has to do is mix rubbing alcohol, olive oil, witch hazel and shaving lotion then rub it on him to get rid of the stench. Lou says he doesn’t wear deodorant because he doesn’t smell then laughs at himself. Heh, couldn’t even keep a straight face on that one. If you notice a pattern developing is that nobody is taking any of this shit seriously. Heels and faces alike are laughing at themselves and even Vince is laughing along with them rather than at them. The next letter says her husband is too fat and Albano says he can’t stand fat people. Vince asks what he classifies himself as and Lou claims he’s not fat, its an optical illusion. Lou then rants about fat people which I can’t type out to give the rant true justice, have to see it to appreciate it. The next letter says her husband never takes her cowboy boots off and Lou says he’s going to give the Aerosol companies a lot of business.

Cut to Afa and Sika, former 3 time WWF tag team champions The Wild Samoans who’s cooking up quite a feast for Vince and Alfred. Alfred compares the odor of the cooking to the bubonic plague. Vince asks what’s cookin’ and the Samoans answer in their native tongue. They then bring out a huge mackerel, analyze it then put it in the cooking pot. Alfred comes over and is grossed out as they dissect a squid or something. Vince asks the Samoans to offer a sample to Alfred who reluctantly takes a bite. His facial expression says it all. Back on the set, Afa and Sika enjoy their meal as Alfred and Vince wonder what exactly they are eating. Vince orders Alfred to get the recipe for the home viewers later.

Monsoon shills the next segment as the most hilarious blooper. The famous WWF tag team championship match between “Soulman” Rocky Johnson and “Mr USA” Tony Atlas vs The Wild Samoans on November 15, 1983. Finally some wrestling. To keep this review short the blooper is the ref takes a bump which has Lou Albano interfering with a wooden chair. He goes to clock Atlas with it but Tony moves and Afa takes the chair to the head, which gets stuck on him as he falls backward. Atlas makes the cover as the ref revives and Johnson/Atlas are your new champions. Watching in a New York bar that night was an 18 year old college freshman named Mick Foley. Also watching was Rocky Johnson’s 11 year old son Dwayne. Wonder what became of Mick and Dwayne…. Anyway, we go to another TNT segment where Vince questions Lou about what went down during the tag match. Albano blames the Samoans and not himself for costing them the match, ha.

Salvatore Bellomo makes an appearance on TNT to cook pizza for Vince and Alfred. Again, Salvatore was a bonafide jobber to the heels in his WWF career but he was featured on these shows to at least attempt to get him over. This was the one thing the AWA and NWA lacked because their mid-carders were told to keep their mouths shut and do what they were told while WWF guys were told to do whatever the heck they wanted in order to get over and draw money. Anyway Bellomo, Vince and Alfred don ridiculous chefs hats as Salvatore prepares the pizza. Vince “There’s a bit of powder on your nose Alfred, not the first time I’ve seen THAT.” Holy shit that was cutting edge and this was 1984!

Now we go to former tag team champions Adrian Adonis and Dick Murdoch on a road trip for the September 25, 1984 Tuesday Night Titans. This was an interesting combination as Dick was the redneck rebel from Texas while Adonis was the New York street thug. They visit the Texas ranches first with Adonis attempting to get on a horse only to fall off. Then “Mean” Gene Okerlund joins Adonis (wearing a Nike t-shirt) and Murdoch as they walk the streets of New York City. Adrian runs into “old friends” hanging out before showing an open fire hydrant and saying that’s his old shower. A mangy red dog shows up and Adonis plays with it as Dick marvels at the city. The trio stops by a hot dog stand where lunch is on Adrian. Okerlund asks the vendor what kind of dogs they are and the vendor clearly can’t speak English. Murdoch orders a dog with mustard on it and takes a bite, he liked it apparently. He then shoves it into Adrian’s mouth who mumbles before Okerlund says time to go and he’s not picking up the tab. Cheapskate!

Monsoon then shows us a highlight package which is just the opening montage out of order with a flew other clips thrown in. Least they tried to something a little different.

Now it’s “Luscious” Johnny Valiant’s turn for love advice on TNT. The first letter says that her husband’s physique pales in comparison to WWF wrestlers and she has no idea what to do. Johnny V at first misunderstands the phrase but then says “Quit lookin over your guys shoulder. Quit lookin at the guy cutting the grass or the guy hitchhiking on the turnpike!” Next letter is from a guy who says he put a wrestling mask on his wife during playtime and it made things better. Johnny “Depending on who I was with I woulda done that myself!” The next letter is from a rich, attractive woman who has a fetish for ugly men (who the hell wrote THAT one?) and asks if any WWF superstar matches the criteria. Johnny answers Hulk Hogan and hypes up Brutus Beefcake as the ultimate ladies man. V then rattles off Tito Santana, Junkyard Dog and Sgt Slaughter as uglies and makes the comment “I heard that Slaughter wrote to the lonely hearts club and he got a letter back saying they weren’t THAT lonely”. The next letter is a guy who has a fantasy of being in a 16-20 man battle royal. Johnny asks what kind of health insurance the guy has for wanting to be in such a dangerous environment. He gets cut off as we go back to Monsoon.
Next up is Andre The Giant who cracks a joke comparing “Big” John Studd to Sky Low Low (the midget legend) and then reveals all his clothes are custom made in Japan except his boots which come from Texas. Andre then covers Alfred’s head with his hand to show how massive he is. Andre then sings The Fish Song which he picked up on his last tour in Japan. He’s got a legit reggae band as he pretends to swim like a fish.

Roddy Piper makes his appearance and he’s got Captain Lou with him on Piper’s Pit. Lou marvels at the gold record Girls Just Wanna Have Fun turned into then promises to bring Cindy Lauper on a future episode of the Pit. The scene cuts to Cindy on the set where Lou comes in and takes credit for all her success, which pisses her off. Lou tells her to shut up and says all women are slime. Piper backs up Albano and they both get in her face. Lou calls her a broad and she flips, literally, flipping over the table then attacking Lou and Piper. David Wolff himself runs out to save Cindy. The fact Lou was the one who began the Rock N Wrestling Connection cannot be overstated. For those that don’t know, Albano and Cindy Lauper just happened to be riding on the same plane together and from that, they struck up a friendship. This included Albano making a cameo in Lauper’s famous video Girls Just Wanna Have Fun as her “father”. What this led to was a WWF/MTV crossover that drew A LOT of money. Sure Hogan ruled the wrestling world in 1984 but he didn’t have the proper mainstream appeal until he appeared with the others on MTV in 1985. When MTV aired Brawl To End It All and War To Settle The Score, now WWF were pulling in casual fans as well as wrestling fans. So now with Piper established as MTV and WWF’s number one heel, the first Wrestlemania came to fruition. All this because Captain Lou just happened to be on a plane with Cindy.

Another “bodyslams” montage only they use the orchestral ending theme from the end of the early Coliseum Videos.

Up last was a legendary, lengthy segment where Paul “Butcher” Vachon’s wedding would be televised. The recently departed Maurice “Mad Dog” Vachon was an AWA legend and a certifiable mad man in the business. His younger brother Paul was equally insane and the duo ran roughshod over Canadian and American territories in the 60’s and 70’s. It should be noted that legendary women’s wrestler Luna Vachon is actually Paul’s adopted daughter, not Mad Dog’s. The segment begins with Vince interviewing a fan outside and asking what the woman looks like if she’s going to marry Butcher, the fan points to his dog which makes Vince laugh. Inside the reception is nearly every heel on the roster with Vince and Alfred hosting. I see Afa, Sika, Junior (Afa’s 19 year old son who would eventually become Headshrinker Fatu, The Sultan and Rikishi), George Steele, Fabulous Moolah, Jesse “The Body” Ventura, “Dr D” Dave Schultz, Sky Low Low, Howard Finkel, Freddie Blassie and Lou Albano all enjoying the festivities. We start with the gift opening and the first one is a box of rubber bands graciously donated by Captain Lou. The next give is a pair of glasses donated by Freddie Blassie who runs down Paul saying the ring on her finger was the same one on the first 5 wives he’s had (a lie but a hilarious one). “Why don’t ya buy her some real diamonds ya cheapskate!” Vince looks around for someone to make a toast and he settles on George “The Animal” Steele. Figures, the one guy who couldn’t talk. The heel cheers him on and after working the crowd he shouts “perpendicular!!” as Albano cheers. Vince looks disgusted as Albano grabs the mic and starts ranting and raving. Albano shills his Samoan stable then toasts “Open your teeth, open your gums, lookout stomach here it comes!” Vince goes to interview Howard but Albano comes over again “I got a girl who lives on a hill, she won’t but her sister will!” The Body wants to say a few words “The scum always rises to the top of the water.” Ooooook. Sky Low Low is next. He basically runs down Albano for talking too much and says “What the hell do you want, a toaster?” The French Canadian born Sky Low Low was one of the best midget wrestlers ever with a physique second to none. Most midgets didn’t live past 50 and he was 56 at the time of this wedding to give an idea how good a shape he was in. Albano swears at him in Italian as Low Low fires back in his French much to Sika’s delight. Blassie comes over to antagonize Low Low before things get settled. Vince goes over to “Dr. D” Dave Schultz who is bleeped out while running down everyone in the room. Guess he must have said something more suitable for the Attitude Era. Paul and his wife dance by themselves as Albano continuously burps into the microphone causing Ventura to crack up. Albano then goes over to sing a few bars before removing his shirt much to Vince’s disgust. George kisses Paul much to his dismay. Albano then threatens to moon Vince who tells the camera to cut away. Once action resumes the wife is dancing with Low Low…and pretty good too. Albano counters by dancing with Low Low’s date/gf/wife/whatever then Mad Dog gets on the dance floor with Moolah. The dancing of Albano and the midget lady causes Blassie to crack up laughing. Next, Albano and the Samoans attempt to sing before bringing Low Low to sing with them. Fatu looks to be having a blast as Albano pours what’s left of his beer can down the back of Low Low’s pants. We then cut to the dessert where the wife refuses to eat the customary first piece of cake so a grumpy Dr. D shows up and shoves a pie in her face. Albano then nails Low Low in the head with a pie as Paul laughs at the display of slapstick. A pie fight develops with Alfred getting nailed by Dr D. Schultz nails Vince himself in the face. Vince grabs a pie and nails George Steele with it. A slapstick pie fight envelops with champagne being sprayed as well. Blassie appears to have survived the pies but a sneaky Ventura dumps a can of something on him. That was something else and a lot of fun to watch.

We end the tape with two montages, one of what we just saw and the second being the customary ending orchestral theme. Before we sign off we get a previews for BEST OF THE WWF VOLUME 2, ANDRE THE GIANT and MOST UNUSUAL MATCHES…..guess the first 4 tapes (including this one) were released together and those 3 were released together as well. As for this….wow. What a way to make your debut huh? As a standalone tape I thought it was entertaining. Remember this was the beginning of Vince Jr’s takeover of the wrestling world which added entertainment on top of wrestling. I’ll say this though; most of the skits were fun to watch especially with ¾ of the tape involving the heels. Not only that but Hogan only appeared briefly and he was the world champion. If you’re looking for important, blow away matches then look elsewhere. If you’re looking to have 70 minutes of fun then this one’s for you. I’ll give it 4 out of 5 stars just because it was an outrageous way to make your home video debut. A point off for the simple fact it’s a bloopers tape with little in ring action. The next tape in line is HULKAMANIA so we’ll pick up there.